A Forever Family Collection

A Forever Family Collection Collective work Mills & Boon e-Book Collections A Forever Families Collection from Mills & Boon A collection of romance stories from Mills & Boon on adoption and happy ever after… The Forever Family COLLECTION July 2019 A Forever Family: His Unexpected Family August 2019 A Forever Family: Their Miracle Child September 2019 A Forever Family: Falling for You October 2019 A Forever Family: Their Christmas Delivery January 2020 A Forever Family: Reunited by their Baby February 2020 A Forever Family: Their Doorstep Delivery About the Authors (#ulink_8055207c-e343-5237-9f24-4c5807ce5443) REBECCA WINTERS’ family of four children has now swelled to include five beautiful grandchildren. She lives in Salt Lake City, Utah. With canyons and high alpine meadows full of wildflowers, she never runs out of places to explore. They often end up as backgrounds for her romance novels, because writing is her passion, along with her family and church. Rebecca loves to hear from readers. If you wish to e-mail her, please visit her website: www.cleanromances.com (http://www.cleanromances.com) SCARLET WILSON wrote her first story aged eight and has never stopped. Her family have fond memories of ‘Shirley and the Magic Purse’ with its army of mice, all with names beginning with the letter ‘m’. An avid reader, Scarlet trained and worked as a nurse and health visitor and now currently works in public health. For her, finding Medical Romance was a match made in heaven. She is delighted to find herself among the authors she has read for many years. Scarlet lives on the West Coast of Scotland with her fianc? and their two sons. At the age of eight MICHELLE DOUGLAS was asked what she wanted to be when she grew up. She answered, ‘a writer.’ When she’s not writing she can usually be found with her nose buried in a book. She is currently enrolled in an English Masters programme for the sole purpose of indulging her reading and writing habits further. She lives in a leafy suburb of Newcastle, on Australia’s east coast, with her own romantic hero—husband Greg, who is the inspiration behind all her happy endings. Michelle would love you to visit her at her website: www.michelle-douglas.com (http://www.michelle-douglas.com) Married to the man she met at eighteen, SUSANNE HAMPTON is the mother of two adult daughters—one a musician and the other an artist. The family also extends to a slightly irritable Maltese shih-tzu, a neurotic poodle, three elderly ducks and four hens that only very occasionally bother to lay eggs. Susanne loves everything romantic and pretty, so her home is brimming with romance novels, movies and shoes. With an interest in all things medical, her career has been in the dental field and the medical world in different roles, and now Susanne has taken that love into writing Mills & Boon Medical Romance. SUSAN CARLISLE’s love affair with books began when she made a bad grade in math. Not allowed to watch TV until the grade had improved, she filled her time with books. Turning her love of reading into a love for writing romance, she pens hot Medicals. She loves castles, travelling, afternoon tea, reads voraciously and hearing from her readers. Join her newsletter at www.SusanCarlisle.com (http://www.SusanCarlisle.com) LIZ FIELDING was born with itchy feet. She made it to Zambia before her twenty-first birthday and, gathering her own special hero and a couple of children on the way, lived in Botswana, Kenya and Bahrain—with pauses for sightseeing pretty much everywhere in between. She finally came to a full stop in a tiny Welsh village cradled by misty hills, and these days mostly leaves her pen to do the traveling. For news of upcoming books—and to sign up for her occasional newsletter—visit Liz’s website, www.lizfielding.com (http://www.lizfielding.com) MEREDITH WEBBER lives on the sunny Gold Coast in Queensland, Australia, but takes regular trips west into the Outback, fossicking for gold or opal. These breaks in the beautiful and sometimes cruel red earth country provide her with an escape from the writing desk and a chance for her mind to roam free and supply the kernels of so many stories it’s hard for her to stop writing! New York Times bestselling author SHIRLEY JUMP didn’t have the will-power to diet, nor the talent to master under-eye concealer, so she bowed out of a career in television and opted instead for a career where she could be paid to eat at her desk—writing… and she turned to the world of romance novels, where messes are (usually) cleaned up before The End. KATE HARDY has always loved books and could read before she went to school. She discovered Mills & Boon books when she was twelve and decided this was what she wanted to do. When she isn’t writing Kate enjoys reading, cinema, ballroom dancing and the gym. You can contact her via her website: katehardy.com (http://www.katehardy.com) MARION LENNOX has written more than a hundred romances and is published in over a hundred countries and thirty languages. Her multiple awards include the prestigious RITA® Award (twice), and the RT Book Reviews Career Achievement Award for “a body of work which makes us laugh and teaches us about love.” Marion adores her family, her kayak, her dog, and lying on the beach with a book someone else has written. Heaven! JESSICA MATTHEWS’s interest in medicine began at a young age, and she nourished it with medical stories and hospital-based television programmes. After a stint as a teenage candy-striper, she pursued a career as a clinical laboratory scientist. When not writing or on duty, she fills her day with countless family and school-related activities. Jessica lives in the central United States, with her husband, daughter and son. REBECCA WINTERS lives in Salt Lake City, Utah. With canyons and high alpine meadows full of wildflowers, she never runs out of places to explore. They, plus her favourite holiday spots in Europe, often end up as backgrounds for her romance novels because writing is her passion, along with her family and church. Rebecca loves to hear from readers. If you wish to e-mail her, please visit her website at: cleanromances.net (http://www.cleanromances.net) PATRICIA THAYER was born in Muncie, Indiana, the second of eight children. She attended Ball State University before heading to California. A longtime member of RWA, Patricia has authored fifty books. She’s been nominated for the Prestige RITA® award and winner of the RT Reviewer’s Choice award. She loves travelling with her husband, Steve, calling it research. When she wants some time with her guy, they escape to their mountain cabin and sit on the deck and let the world race by. Approaching fifty Mills & Boon titles, DIANNE DRAKE is still as passionate about writing romance as ever. As a former intensive care nurse, it’s no wonder medicine has found its way into her writing, and she’s grateful to Mills & Boon Medicals for allowing her to write her stories. ‘They return me to the days I loved being a nurse and combine that with my love of the romance novels I’ve been reading since I was a young teen.’ BRENDA HARLEN is a multi-award winning author for Mills & Boon who has written over twenty-five books for the company. LIZ FIELDING was born with itchy feet. She made it to Zambia before her twenty-first birthday and, gathering her own special hero and a couple of children on the way, lived in Botswana, Kenya and Bahrain. Seven of her titles have been nominated for RWA’s Rita®; and she has won the Best Traditional Romance in 2000, the British Romance Prize in 2005 and the Best Short Contemporary Romance in 2006. Born and raised just outside of Toronto, Ontario, AMY RUTTAN fled the big city to settle down with the country boy of her dreams. After the birth of her second child, Amy was lucky enough to realize her life long dream of becoming a romance author. When she’s not furiously typing away at her computer, she’s a mum to three wonderful children who use her as a personal taxi and chef. A Forever Family Collection His Unexpected Family Rebecca Winters, Scarlet Wilson and Michelle Douglas Their Miracle Child Susanne Hampton, Jessica Matthews and Susan Carlisle Falling For You Liz Fielding, Meredith Webber and Shirley Jump Their Christmas Delivery Kate Hardy, Marion Lennox and Jessica Matthews Reunited by their Baby Rebecca Winters, Patricia Thayer and Dianne Drake Their Doorstep Delivery Brenda Harlen, Liz Fielding and Amy Ruttan www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk) ISBN: 978-0-008-90690-0 A FOREVER FAMILY COLLECTION A Marriage Made in Italy © 2013 Rebecca Winters The Boy Who Made Them Love Again © 2011 Scarlet Wilson The Cattleman’s Ready-Made Family © 2013 Michelle Douglas A Baby To Bind Them © 2015 Susanne Panagaris Six-Week Marriage Miracle © 2011 Jessica Matthews The Nurse He Shouldn’t Notice © 2012 Susan Carlisle The Last Woman He’d Ever Date © 2013 Liz Fielding A Forever Family for the Army Doc © 2017 Meredith Webber One Day to Find a Husband © 2013 Shirley Kawa-Jump, LLC Her Festive Doorstep Baby © 2016 Pamela Brooks Meant-to-Be Family © 2015 Harlequin S.A. The Child Who Rescued Christmas © 2011 Jessica Matthews Baby out of the Blue © 2013 Rebecca Winters Her Baby Wish © 2009 Patricia Wright Doctor, Mummy…Wife? © 2016 Dianne Despain Baby Talk & Wedding Bells © 2017 Brenda Harlen Secret Baby, Surprise Parents © 2009 Liz Fielding Alejandro’s Sexy Secret © 2016 Amy Ruttan Published in Great Britain 2020 by Mills & Boon, an imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers 1 London Bridge Street, London, SE1 9GF All rights reserved including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. This edition is published by arrangement with Harlequin Books S.A. This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, locations and incidents are purely fictional and bear no relationship to any real life individuals, living or dead, or to any actual places, business establishments, locations, events or incidents. Any resemblance is entirely coincidental. 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Trademarks marked with ® are registered with the United Kingdom Patent Office and/or the Office for Harmonisation in the Internal Market and in other countries. www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk) Note to Readers (#ulink_37b795c5-effb-5a8e-b764-848a461bc5b3) This ebook contains the following accessibility features which, if supported by your device, can be accessed via your ereader/accessibility settings: Change of font size and line height Change of background and font colours Change of font Change justification Text to speech Table of Contents Cover (#u8346497c-b4b9-556a-a27a-3856ed664d24) About the Authors (#uff11a2fb-d4eb-5411-b7b6-e67886ead0f5) Title Page (#u012394cd-fdef-5423-a758-86d5ea530a5d) Copyright (#u247828d4-87df-5ee8-90a0-ba7ec7ea5cd7) Note to Readers (#udc007380-765e-5497-a332-0ad9c92bb83f) His Unexpected Family (#u86408201-15ff-5af7-827a-9a4be3d9d739) A Marriage Made in Italy (#u4651abc3-09ec-5e3e-aec4-26c0daa9e07c) Back Cover Text (#ub0841cd2-0206-5d5d-8646-20f3baf9a6e6) CHAPTER ONE (#uec7cc159-67c3-5215-ab7e-1c42b88f4107) CHAPTER TWO (#u65489361-e000-5f37-b3e3-690dae132bcd) CHAPTER THREE (#u2f1f3521-b695-5d95-a2c7-8b012f1bfa8f) CHAPTER FOUR (#uf3d6aa17-e008-5b81-8a85-05a4fba7886c) CHAPTER FIVE (#u3a0ffbf0-0164-5e5b-8b99-67f733cd6351) CHAPTER SIX (#ue7985ae7-25c4-568e-af9e-152a2deef30d) CHAPTER SEVEN (#u3c3d05c0-6d4c-5cf1-9891-2d0831064429) CHAPTER EIGHT (#u3204865e-13a5-5c8d-898d-a62006809eb5) CHAPTER NINE (#ua0db21fb-fc3f-528b-8590-b07afec60658) The Boy Who Made Them Love Again (#u2945c207-f5c3-513f-8341-b7d6c254ade8) CHAPTER ONE (#u04aae0d5-2d6e-5925-9a7e-b4fa78b56a76) CHAPTER TWO (#u06b9b064-7b9d-5e9a-9f4e-8dfed920d473) CHAPTER THREE (#u958df222-8bc7-5e21-9636-41279e776e0a) CHAPTER FOUR (#u2866c5ad-b29f-5a71-b25f-e7c15e2b775b) CHAPTER FIVE (#ue2aa930c-9120-55d4-83a3-01fa3a5c6596) CHAPTER SIX (#u9d7c0773-0f15-57f8-9176-aee7b82daa7b) CHAPTER SEVEN (#u63ed8036-02b6-5838-893b-6768f8a52151) CHAPTER EIGHT (#ubab59f85-dbf7-5827-b001-dc9f5f0f8cbb) CHAPTER NINE (#u238001ad-ca13-59f5-965f-c223206d23c1) CHAPTER TEN (#uf20ab7e1-729e-562a-96e8-f62ff64b34cb) CHAPTER ELEVEN (#u52036746-35ed-583d-8afd-2e4c920ca26e) CHAPTER TWELVE (#u0329f429-0b03-5529-ab9d-d8b7a53099f1) EPILOGUE (#ua3b2f667-4f74-53c2-9c5c-a1350fc3e8b2) The Cattleman’s Ready-Made Family (#u19e68489-a116-536c-8ab6-de230b2e774c) Dedication (#u613992a4-fc96-503c-9e46-7a3244138473) CHAPTER ONE (#u97efa5bb-8da9-5f13-b0a3-25dc34c1503d) CHAPTER TWO (#u9cfc5e57-f91e-547b-8e08-773698ac65da) CHAPTER THREE (#u8e14e5a1-f290-5738-9cff-5f398366c8cb) CHAPTER FOUR (#uf10d194d-a8a4-5032-9380-75f172ffcb19) CHAPTER FIVE (#u17398599-e246-5747-b63d-82c500a841f5) CHAPTER SIX (#u07c0da22-426f-545a-82db-c1daaa813378) CHAPTER SEVEN (#udc4f3e8f-f69d-501a-b77c-1fa8d7f03b7e) CHAPTER EIGHT (#u60bc579e-3118-5509-a986-bcf947c56d66) CHAPTER NINE (#u09da1976-cb6d-5301-a393-445766ba8ba5) CHAPTER TEN (#ufb1cb8e9-96cb-52b0-a1c0-067eabf55811) CHAPTER ELEVEN (#u8260b737-77d9-564e-9e42-6bcaed49ee8e) Their Miracle Child (#u6d62cb13-e197-539f-b4f9-a2a660693ad0) A Baby to Bind Them (#u4d28ad7b-1f05-5149-b615-32b44f59a40c) Dedication (#u2c277086-e3b4-588d-b7ae-741671e902f4) PROLOGUE (#uacb7ada0-3fae-5320-a36c-30c88cd81b6d) CHAPTER ONE (#uee4a0d3b-f59c-5146-832d-cacbad7d728e) CHAPTER TWO (#uc58299ef-38a0-57b4-8865-2d18b4dc17aa) CHAPTER THREE (#ue4c02c36-7043-5f8d-bdae-2f8ebf1c1a01) CHAPTER FOUR (#u593e7ab4-5877-5d18-af4a-8c332d05d5b0) CHAPTER FIVE (#uc7cdfb51-d235-5801-a6b6-4749d43fd6ac) CHAPTER SIX (#u27069ba1-045b-5a97-bf0a-6f8e8ddec716) CHAPTER SEVEN (#u7d6cf055-80c9-5679-a3a0-807d3e829941) CHAPTER EIGHT (#u87a609c4-8e2c-57ac-bf89-0f4406ec2456) CHAPTER NINE (#udb3bbe81-6614-53bf-accf-777677c43b34) EPILOGUE (#uc122b6db-2281-5d95-bab7-14700f0d8702) Six-Week Marriage Miracle (#uca5170c7-3b46-5cdb-95a0-e2a0439e2f25) Dedication (#u8b5d8197-24eb-54c3-8f54-9f59bc2718a9) CHAPTER ONE (#ub66a2705-e411-5d80-9d01-1d877aed4759) CHAPTER TWO (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER THREE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER FOUR (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER FIVE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER SIX (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER SEVEN (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER EIGHT (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER NINE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER TEN (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER ELEVEN (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER TWELVE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER THIRTEEN (#litres_trial_promo) The Nurse He Shouldn’t Notice (#litres_trial_promo) Dedication (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER ONE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER TWO (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER THREE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER FOUR (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER FIVE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER SIX (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER SEVEN (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER EIGHT (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER NINE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER TEN (#litres_trial_promo) Falling For You (#litres_trial_promo) The Last Woman He’d Ever Date (#litres_trial_promo) Back Cover Text (#litres_trial_promo) Dedication (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER ONE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER TWO (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER THREE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER FOUR (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER FIVE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER SIX (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER SEVEN (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER EIGHT (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER NINE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER TEN (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER ELEVEN (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER TWELVE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER THIRTEEN (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER FOURTEEN (#litres_trial_promo) A Forever Family for the Army Doc (#litres_trial_promo) Back Cover Text (#litres_trial_promo) Dedication (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER ONE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER TWO (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER THREE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER FOUR (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER FIVE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER SIX (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER SEVEN (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER EIGHT (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER NINE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER TEN (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER ELEVEN (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER TWELVE (#litres_trial_promo) One Day to Find a Husband (#litres_trial_promo) Back Cover Text (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER ONE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER TWO (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER THREE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER FOUR (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER FIVE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER SIX (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER SEVEN (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER EIGHT (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER NINE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER TEN (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER ELEVEN (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER TWELVE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER THIRTEEN (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER FOURTEEN (#litres_trial_promo) Their Christmas Delivery (#litres_trial_promo) Her Festive Doorstep Baby (#litres_trial_promo) Back Cover Text (#litres_trial_promo) Dedication (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER ONE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER TWO (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER THREE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER FOUR (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER FIVE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER SIX (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER SEVEN (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER EIGHT (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER NINE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER TEN (#litres_trial_promo) EPILOGUE (#litres_trial_promo) Meant-To-Be Family (#litres_trial_promo) Dedication (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER ONE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER TWO (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER THREE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER FOUR (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER FIVE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER SIX (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER SEVEN (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER EIGHT (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER NINE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER TEN (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER ELEVEN (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER TWELVE (#litres_trial_promo) The Child Who Rescued Christmas (#litres_trial_promo) Dedication (#litres_trial_promo) PROLOGUE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER ONE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER TWO (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER THREE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER FOUR (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER FIVE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER SIX (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER SEVEN (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER EIGHT (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER NINE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER TEN (#litres_trial_promo) Reunited by their Baby (#litres_trial_promo) Baby Out of the Blue (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER ONE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER TWO (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER THREE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER FOUR (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER FIVE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER SIX (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER SEVEN (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER EIGHT (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER NINE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER TEN (#litres_trial_promo) Her Baby Wish (#litres_trial_promo) Dedication (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER ONE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER TWO (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER THREE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER FOUR (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER FIVE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER SIX (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER SEVEN (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER EIGHT (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER NINE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER TEN (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER ELEVEN (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER TWELVE (#litres_trial_promo) EPILOGUE (#litres_trial_promo) Doctor, Mummy…Wife? (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER ONE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER TWO (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER THREE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER FOUR (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER FIVE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER SIX (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER SEVEN (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER EIGHT (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER NINE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER TEN (#litres_trial_promo) Their Doorstep Delivery (#litres_trial_promo) Baby Talk & Wedding Bells (#litres_trial_promo) Back Cover Text (#litres_trial_promo) Dedication (#litres_trial_promo) Chapter One (#litres_trial_promo) Chapter Two (#litres_trial_promo) Chapter Three (#litres_trial_promo) Chapter Four (#litres_trial_promo) Chapter Five (#litres_trial_promo) Chapter Six (#litres_trial_promo) Chapter Seven (#litres_trial_promo) Chapter Eight (#litres_trial_promo) Chapter Nine (#litres_trial_promo) Chapter Ten (#litres_trial_promo) Chapter Eleven (#litres_trial_promo) Chapter Twelve (#litres_trial_promo) Chapter Thirteen (#litres_trial_promo) Chapter Fourteen (#litres_trial_promo) Chapter Fifteen (#litres_trial_promo) Chapter Sixteen (#litres_trial_promo) Epilogue (#litres_trial_promo) Secret Baby, Surprise Parents (#litres_trial_promo) Dedication (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER ONE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER TWO (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER THREE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER FOUR (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER FIVE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER SIX (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER SEVEN (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER EIGHT (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER NINE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER TEN (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER ELEVEN (#litres_trial_promo) Alejandro’s Sexy Secret (#litres_trial_promo) Back Cover Text (#litres_trial_promo) Dedication (#litres_trial_promo) PROLOGUE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER ONE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER TWO (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER THREE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER FOUR (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER FIVE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER SIX (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER SEVEN (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER EIGHT (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER NINE (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER TEN (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER ELEVEN (#litres_trial_promo) CHAPTER TWELVE (#litres_trial_promo) EPILOGUE (#litres_trial_promo) About the Publisher (#litres_trial_promo) His Unexpected Family A Marriage Made in Italy Rebecca Winters The Boy Who Made Them Love Again Scarlet Wilson The Cattleman’s Ready-Made Family Michelle Douglas www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk) A Marriage Made in Italy (#ulink_d5501f78-d05c-59c7-ab9a-5eb71873d26d) Rebecca Winters A brooding Italian… With a dark family history, single dad Leon Malatesta is determined to keep his baby daughter out of the headlines. And so, when a striking woman starts asking questions around the sun-kissed town of Rimini, Leon’s protective instinct goes into overdrive. …and a mysterious beauty! Only, Belle Peterson turns out to be the long-lost daughter of his stepmother! Her innocence touches Leon’s locked-away heart in a way he never believed possible after losing his wife. Now Belle brings the possibility of a new future for them all…if only he can convince her he wants to marry her for love, not just to give them all the family they want so much…. CHAPTER ONE (#ulink_224ea383-1452-516a-b9bc-c754179236a6) BELLE PETERSON LEFT the cell phone store she managed, and took a bus to the law office of Mr. Earl Harmon in downtown Newburgh, New York. The secretary showed her into the conference room. She discovered her thirty-year-old, divorced sibling, Cliff, had already arrived and was sitting at the oval table with a mulish look on his face, daring her to speak to him. She hadn’t seen him since their parents’ funeral six months ago. On the outside he was blond and quite good-looking, but his facade hid a troubled soul. He’d been angry enough after his wife had left him, but the deaths of their parents in a fatal car crash meant he was now on his own. Today Belle felt Cliff’s antipathy more strongly than usual and chose a seat around the other side of the table without saying a word. Now twenty-four and single, she had been adopted fourteen years ago. The children at the Newburgh Church Orphanage had liked her, as had the sisters. But out in the real world, Belle felt she was unlovable, and worked hard at her job to gain the respect of her peers. Her greatest pain was never to know the mother who’d given birth to her. To have no identity was an agony she’d had to live with every day of her life. The sisters who ran the orphanage had told Belle that Mrs. Peterson had been able to have only one child. She’d finally prevailed on her husband to adopt the brunette girl, Belle, who had no last name. This was Belle’s chance to have a mother, but no bonding ever took place. From the day she’d been taken home, Cliff had been cruel to her, making her life close to unbearable at times. “Good morning.” Belle was so deep in thought over the past, she didn’t realize Mr. Harmon had come into the room. She shook his hand. “I’m glad you two could arrange to meet here at the same time. I have some bad news and some good. Let’s start with the bad first.” The familiar scowl on Cliff’s face spoke volumes. “As you know, there was no insurance, therefore the home you grew up in was sold to pay off the multitude of debts. The good news is you’ve each been given fifteen hundred dollars from the auction of the furnishings. I have checks for you.” He passed them out. Cliff shot to his feet. “That’s it?” Belle heard panic beneath his anger. She knew he’d been waiting to come into some money, if only to make up delinquent alimony payments. She hadn’t expected anything herself and rejoiced to receive this check, which she clutched in her hand before putting it in her purse. “I’m sorry, Mr. Peterson, but everything went to pay off your father’s debts and cover the burial costs. Please accept my sincere sympathy at the passing of your parents. I wish both of you the very best.” “Thank you, Mr. Harmon,” Belle said, when Cliff continued to remain silent. “If you ever need my help, feel free to call.” The attorney smiled at her and left the room. The second he was gone, an explosion of venom escaped Cliff’s lips. He shot her a furious glance. “It’s all your fault. If Mom hadn’t nagged Dad for a daughter, there would have been more money and we wouldn’t be in this mess. Why don’t you go back to Italy where you belong?” Her heart suddenly pounded with dizzying intensity. “What did you say?” “You heard me. Dad never wanted you.” “You think I didn’t know that?” She moved closer to her brother, holding her breath. “Are you saying I came from Italian parents?” All along she’d thought the sisters at the orphanage might have named her for the fairy-tale character, or else she came from French roots. Her whole life she’d been praying to find out her true lineage, and she’d gone to the orphanage many times seeking information. But every time she did, she’d been told they couldn’t help her. Nadine, her adoptive mother, had never revealed the truth to her, but Belle had heard Cliff’s slip and refused to let it go. He averted his eyes and wheeled around to leave, but she raced ahead of him and blocked the door. At twenty-four, Belle was no longer frightened of him. Before they left this office and parted ways forever, she had to ask the question that had been inscribed on her mind and heart from the time she knew she was an orphan. “What else do you know about my background?” Cliff flashed her a mocking smile. “Now that Dad’s no longer alive, how much money are you willing to pay me for the information?” She could hardly swallow before she opened her purse and pulled out the check. In a trembling voice she said, “I’d give you this to learn anything that could help me know my roots.” While he watched, she drew out a pen and endorsed it over to him. For the first time since she’d known him, his eyes held a puzzled look rather than an angry one. “You’d give up that much money just to know about someone who didn’t even want you?” “Yes,” she whispered, fighting tears. “It’s not important if they didn’t want me. I just need to know who I am and where I came from. If you know anything, I beg you to tell me.” Taking a leap of faith, she handed him the check. He took it from her and studied it for a moment. “You always were pathetic,” he muttered. “So you don’t know anything and were just teasing me with your cruelty? That doesn’t really surprise me. Go on. Keep it. I never thought we’d get that much money from the auction, anyway. You’re one of the lucky people who grew up knowing your parents. Too bad they’re gone and you’re all alone now. Knowing how it feels, I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, not even you.” Belle opened the door, and had started to leave when she heard him say, “The old man said your last name was the same as the redheaded smart-mouth he hated in high school.” Her heart thundered. She spun around. “Who was that?” “Frankie Donatello.” “Donatello?” “Yeah. One day I heard Mom and Dad arguing about you. That’s when it came out. He said he wished they’d never adopted that Italian girl’s brat. After he left for work, I told Mom she ought to send you back to where you came from, because you weren’t wanted. She said that would be impossible because it was someplace in Italy.” What? “Where in Italy?” Belle demanded. “I don’t know. It sounded something like Remenee.” “How did he find out? The sisters told me it was a closed adoption.” “How the hell do I know?” It didn’t matter, because joy lit up Belle’s insides. Her leap of faith had paid off! Without conscious thought she reached out and hugged him so hard she almost knocked him over. “Thank you! I know you hate me, but I love you for this and forgive every mean thing you ever said or did to me. Goodbye, Cliff.” She rushed out of the law office to the bus stop and rode back to work. After nodding to the sales reps, she disappeared into the back room and looked for a map of Italy on the computer. She was trembling so violently she could hardly work the keyboard. As she scrolled down the list of cities and towns that popped up, the name Rimini appeared, most closely matching “Remenee.” The blood pounded in her ears when she looked it up and discovered it was a town of a hundred forty thousand along the Adriatic. It was in the province of Rimini. Quickly, she scanned the month’s schedule of vacations for the employees. They all had one week off in summer and one in winter. Belle was on summer break from college, where she went to night school. Her vacation would be coming up the third week of June, ten days away. Without hesitation she booked a flight from New York City to Rimini, Italy, and made arrangements for a rental car. She chose the cheapest flight, with two stopovers, and made a reservation at a pension that charged only twenty-eight dollars a day. No phone, no TV. The coed bathroom was down the hall. Sounded like the orphanage. That was fine with her. A bed was all she needed. Since she’d been saving her money, and roomed with two other girls, she’d managed to put away a modest nest egg. All these years she’d been guarding it for something important, never dreaming the money would ever help her to find her mother. “Belle?” She lifted her head and smiled politely at her colleague. “Yes, Mac?” “How about going for pizza after we lock up tonight?” “I’m sorry, but I have other plans.” “You always say that. How can someone so gorgeous turn me down? Come on. How about it?” Her new assistant manager, transferred in from another store, was good-looking and a real barracuda in sales, but he irritated her by continually trying to get her to go out with him. “Mac? I’ve told you already that I’m not interested.” “Some of the guys call you the Ice Queen.” He never gave up. “Really. Anything else you want to say to me before you finish the inventory?” She heard a smothered imprecation before the door closed. Good. Maybe she was an ice queen. Fine! So far she hadn’t seen examples of love in her personal life and didn’t expect to. Her birth parents had given her away. Her adoptive parents had suffered through an unhappy marriage. Her adoptive brother was already divorced, and angry. He’d used her pretty mercilessly as an emotional punching bag. Belle always felt she was on the outside looking in, but never being part of a whole. She thought about the single girls at the store, who all struggled to find good dates and were usually miserable with the ones they landed. Two of the four guys were married. One of them was having an affair. The other was considering divorce. The other two were players. Both spent their money on clothes and cars. Her own roommates were still single and terrified they would end up alone. It was all they talked about when the three of them went running in the mornings. Belle didn’t worry about being alone. That had been her state from the moment she was born. The few dates she’d accepted here and there outside the workplace had fizzled. It was probably her fault, because she didn’t feel very lovable and wasn’t as confident as she needed to be. Marriage wasn’t an option for her. She didn’t trust any relationship to last, and cut it off early. Belle hadn’t met a man she’d cared enough about to imagine going to bed with. No doubt her mother had experimented, and gotten caught with no resources but the church orphanage to help her. Belle refused to get into that circumstance. What she could depend on was her career, which gave her the stability she craved after being dependent on the orphanage and her adoptive parents. She was a free agent now. Her store had been number one in the region for two years. Soon she hoped to be promoted to upper-level management in the company. But first she would take her precious vacation time to try to find her mother. If Cliff had gotten it wrong or misunderstood, then maybe the trip would be for nothing, but Belle had to think positive thoughts. Romantic Italy, the world of Michelangelo, gondolas and the famous tenor Pavarotti, had always sounded as delightful and as faraway as the moon. Incredible to believe she’d actually be flying there in ten days. Tomorrow she’d see about equipping herself with a company GSM phone and SIM card, the kind with a quad-band. Once in Rimini, she’d find a local library and work from the latest city phone directory to do her research. She was in the midst of making a mental list of things she’d need when Rod, one of the reps, suddenly burst in on her. “Hey, boss? Can you come out in front? An angry client just threw his cell phone at Sheila and is demanding satisfaction. He said it broke after he bought it.” She smiled. “If it wasn’t broken, it is now. No problem.” No problem at all on the first red-letter day of her life. “I’ll be right there.” It was seven in the morning when thirty-three-year-old Leonardo Rovere di Malatesta, the elder son of Count Sullisto Malatesta of Rimini, finally got his little six-month-old Concetta to sleep. The doctor said she’d caught a bug, and he’d prescribed medicine to bring down her temperature. It was now two degrees lower than it had been at midnight, and she hadn’t thrown up again, grazie a Dio! After he’d walked the floor with her all night in an attempt to comfort her, he was exhausted. The dog ought to be exhausted, too. Rufo was a brown roan Spinone, a wedding gift from his wife’s father. Rufo had been devoted to Benedetta and had transferred his allegiance to Concetta when Leon had returned from the hospital without his wife. Since that moment, their dog had never let the baby out of his sight. Leon was deeply moved by such a show of love, and patted the animal’s head. There was no way he’d be going in to the bank today. Talia and Rufo would watch over his daughter while he slept. The forty-year-old nanny had been with him since Benedetta had died in childbirth, and was devoted to his precious child. If the baby’s fever spiked again, he could count on her to waken him immediately. He kissed Concetta’s head with its fine, dark blond hair, and laid her in the crib on her back, out of habit. She never stayed in that position for long. Her lids hid brown eyes dark as poppy throats. She had Benedetta’s coloring and facial features. Leon loved this child in a way he hadn’t thought possible. Her presence and demanding needs filled the aching loneliness in his heart for the wife he’d lost. After tiptoeing out of the nursery, he told Talia he was going to bed, then went to find his housekeeper, who’d always worked for his mother’s family. She and Talia were cousins, and he trusted them implicitly. “Simona? I’ve turned off my cell phone. If someone needs me, knock on my door.” The older woman nodded before Leon headed for his bedroom. He was so exhausted he didn’t remember his head touching the pillow. The relief of knowing the baby’s fever had broken helped him to fall into a deep sleep. When he heard a tap on his door later, he checked his watch. He’d slept seven hours and couldn’t believe it was already midafternoon! He came awake immediately, fearing something was wrong. “Simona? Is Concetta worse?” he called out. “No, no. She has recovered. Talia is feeding her.” Relief swamped him a second time. “Your assistant at the bank asked if you would phone him at your convenience.” “Grazie.” Leon levered himself off the bed and headed for the shower, surprised that Berto would call the villa. Normally he would leave a message on Leon’s cell. Maybe he had. After he’d shaved and dressed, Leon reached for his phone. There was a message from his father asking him to join the family for dinner. Not tonight. Another message came from his friend Vito, in Rome. Leon would phone him before he went to bed. Nothing from Berto. Leon walked into the kitchen, where he found Talia feeding plums from a jar to his daughter, who was propped in her high chair. Rufo sat on the floor with his tail moving back and forth, watching with those humanlike eyes. Concetta’s sweet little face broke into a smile the second she saw her father, and she waved her hands. Whenever she did that, it made him thankful he was alive. He felt her forehead, pleased to note her fever was gone. “I do believe you’re much better, il mio tesoro. As soon as I make a few phone calls, you and I are going to go out on the patio and play.” It overlooked his private stretch of beach with its fine golden sand. Concetta was strong and loved to stand in it in her bare feet if he braced her. Yesterday he’d bought a new set of stacking buckets for her, but she hadn’t felt well enough to be interested. Now that her health was improved, he couldn’t wait to see what she’d do with them. First, however, he phoned his father to explain that the baby had been sick and needed to be put down early. When Leon heard the disappointment in his voice, he made arrangements for dinner the following evening if she was all better. With that accomplished he called his secretary at the bank. “Berto? I sent you a text message telling you my daughter was ill. Is there a problem that can’t wait until tomorrow?” “No, no. I’ll talk to you in the morning, provided the bambina is better.” Leon rubbed the pad of his thumb along his lower lip. “You wouldn’t have phoned if you didn’t think it was important.” “At first I thought it was.” “But now you’ve changed your mind?” Berto was being uncharacteristically cryptic. “S?. It can wait until tomorrow. Ciao, Leon.” His assistant actually hung up on him! Leon clicked off and eyed the baby, who’d eaten all her plums and seemed perfectly content playing with her fingers. “Talia, something has come up at the bank. I’ll run into town and be back within the hour. Tell Simona to phone me if there’s the slightest problem.” “The little one will be fine.” He kissed his daughter’s cheek. “I’ll see you soon.” After changing into a suit, Leon alerted his bodyguard before leaving the villa. He drove his black sports car into the most celebrated seaside resort city in Europe, curious to understand what was going on with Berto. After pulling around to the back of the ornate, two-story Renaissance building, partially bombed during World War II and later reconstructed, he let himself in the private entrance reserved for him and his family. He took the marble staircase two steps at a time to his office on the next floor, where he served as assets manager for Malatesta Banking, one of the two top banking institutions in Italy. Under his father’s brilliant handling as wealth manager, they’d grown to twenty-five thousand employees. With his brother, Dante, overseeing the broker-dealer department, business was going well despite Italy’s economic downturn. If the call from Berto meant any kind of trouble, Leon intended to get to the bottom of it pronto. His redheaded assistant was on a call when Leon walked into his private suite of rooms. Judging from his expression, Berto was surprised to see him. He rang off quickly and got to his feet. “I didn’t know you were coming.” Leon’s hands went to his hips. “I didn’t expect you to hang up so quickly from our earlier conversation. I want to know what’s wrong. Don’t tell me again it’s nothing. Which of the accounts is in trouble?” Berto looked flustered. “It has nothing to do with the accounts. A woman came to the bank earlier today after being sent from Donatello Diamonds on the Corso D’Augosto.” “And?” Leon demanded, sensing his assistant’s hesitation. “Marcello in Security called up here, asking for you to handle the inquiry, since your father wasn’t available. The manager at Donatello’s told her she would have to speak to someone at the bank. That’s when I called you. “But after I heard it was some American wanting information about the Donatello family, I figured it was a foreign reporter snooping around. At that point I decided not to bother you any more about it.” Leon frowned in puzzlement. Someone wanting to do legitimate business would have made an appointment with him or his father and left their full name. Was it one of the paparazzi posing as an American tourist in order to dig up news about the family? Leon’s relatives had to be on constant alert against the media wanting to rake up old scandal to sell papers. Leon had seen it all and viewed life with a cynical eye. It was what came from being a Malatesta, hated in earlier centuries and still often an object of envy. “When I couldn’t get you or your father, I tried your brother, but he’s out of town. I told Marcello this person would have to leave a name and phone number. With your daughter sick, I didn’t consider this an emergency, but I still wanted you to be informed.” “I appreciate that. You handled it perfectly. Do you have the information she left?” Berto handed the notepaper to him. “That’s the phone number and address of the Pensione Rosa off the Via Vincenza Monti. The woman’s name is Belle. Marcello said she’s in her early twenties, and with her long dark hair and blue eyes, more than lives up to her name. When she approached him, he thought she was a film star.” Naturally. Didn’t the devil usually appear in the guise of a beautiful woman? Of course she didn’t leave a last name…. “Good work, Berto. Tell no one else about this. See you tomorrow.” More curious than ever, Leon left the bank. A few minutes later he discovered the small lodging down an alley, half hidden by the other buildings. He parked and entered. No one was around, so he pressed the buzzer at the front desk. In a moment a woman older than Simona came out of an alcove. “I’m Rosa. If you need a room, we’re full, signore.” Leon handed her the paper. “You have a woman named Belle registered here?” “S?.” With that staccato answer he realized he wouldn’t be learning her guest’s last name the easy way. “Could you ring her room, per favore?” “No phone in the rooms.” He might have known, considering the low price for accommodations listed on the back wall. “Do you know if she’s in?” “She went out several hours ago and hasn’t returned.” He spied a chair against the wall, next to an end table with a lamp on it. “I’ll wait.” The woman scrutinized him. “Leave me your name and number and she can call you from the desk here after she returns.” “I’ll take my chances and see if she comes in.” With a shrug of her ample shoulders, the woman disappeared through the alcove. Rather than sit here for what might be hours, he phoned one of his security people to do surveillance. When Ruggio arrived, Leon gave him the American woman’s description and said he wanted to be notified as soon as she showed up. With that taken care of, he walked out to the alley and got in his car. He was halfway to the villa when his cell phone rang. It was Ruggio. Leon clicked on. “What’s happening?” “The woman fitting the description you gave me just entered. She’s driving a rental car from the airport.” “Which agency?” When Ruggio gave him the particulars, Leon told him to stay put until he got there. On the way back to the pension, he called the rental agency and asked to speak to the manager on a matter of vital importance. Once the man heard it was Signor di Malatesta investigating a possible police matter to do with the bank, he told him her last name was Peterson, and that she was from Newburgh, New York. Leon didn’t often use his name to apply pressure, but this case was an exception. He learned she’d made the reservation nearly two weeks ago and had rented the car for seven days. It seemed she’d already been in Rimini three days. Leon thanked the manager for his cooperation. Pleased to be armed with this much information before confronting her, he made a search on his phone. Newburgh was a town sixty miles north of New York City. What it all meant he didn’t know yet, but he was about to find out. He saw the rental car when he drove down the alley and parked. Ruggio met him at the front desk of the pension, where Rosa was helping a scruffy-looking male wearing a backpack and short shorts. “She’s been in her room since she came in. She’s molta molta bellissima,” Ruggio whispered. “I think I’ve seen her on television.” Marcello had said the same thing. “Grazie. I’ll take it from here,” Leon told him. If she was working alone or with another reporter, he planned to find out. Once Ruggio left, he sat down. By now it was quarter after six. Without a TV, she’d probably leave again, if only to get a meal. If he had to wait too long, he’d insist Rosa go knock on Signorina Peterson’s door. To pass the time, Leon phoned Simona, and was relieved to hear his little girl seemed to be over the worst of her bug. As he was telling his housekeeper he wasn’t sure what time he’d get home, a woman emerged from the alcove. Without warning, his adrenaline kicked in. Not just because she was beautiful—in fact, incredibly so. It was because there was something about her that reminded him of someone else. She swept past him, so fast she was out the door before he was galvanized into action. After telling Simona he’d get back to her, he sprang from the chair and followed the shapely woman in the two-piece linen suit and leather sandals down the alley to her car. He estimated she had to be five feet six. Even the way she carried herself, with a kind of unconscious grace, was appealing. Physically, Leon could find nothing wrong with her, and that bothered him, since he hadn’t been able to look at another woman since Benedetta. “Belle Peterson?” She wheeled around, causing her gleaming hair, the color of dark mink, to swish about her shoulders. Cobalt-blue eyes fringed with black lashes flew to Leon in surprise. If she already knew who he was, she was putting on a good act of pretending otherwise. She possessed light olive skin that needed no makeup. Her wide mouth, with its soft pink lipstick, had a voluptuous flare. He found her the embodiment of feminine pulchritude, but to his surprise she stared at him without a hint of recognition or flirtatiousness. “How do you know my name? We’ve never met.” With that accent, she was American through and through. He found her directness as intriguing as her no-nonsense demeanor. Some men might find it intimidating. Leon’s gaze dropped to her left hand, curled over her shoulder bag and resting against the lush curve of her hip. Her nails were well manicured with a neutral coating. She wore no rings. If in disguise for a part she was playing—perhaps in the hope of infiltrating their family business in some way to unlock secrets—he would say she looked…perfect. He pulled the note Berto had given him out of his suit jacket pocket and handed it to her. She glanced at it before eyeing him again. “Evidently you’re from the bank. How did you get my last name?” “A simple matter of checking with the car rental agency.” Her blue eyes turned frosty. “I don’t know about your country, but in mine that information can only be obtained by a judge’s warrant during the investigation of a crime.” “My country has similar laws.” “Was it a crime to ask questions?” “Of course not. But I’m afraid our doors are closed to all so-called journalists. I decided to investigate.” “I’m not a journalist or anything close,” she stated promptly. Reaching in her shoulder bag, she pulled a business card out of her wallet. He took it from her fingers and glanced at it. Belle Peterson, Manager, Trans Continental Cell Phones Incorporated, Newburgh, New York… He lifted his head. “Why didn’t you leave this card at the bank with the security man you talked to?” Without hesitation, she said, “Because a call to my work verifying my employment would let everyone know where I am. Since my whereabouts are no one’s business, I wish it to remain that way. The fact is, I’m on vacation and it’s almost over.” He slipped the card into his pocket. “You’ll be returning to Newburgh?” “Yes. I’ve talked to as many people with the last name Donatello as I’ve been able to locate in Rimini. So far I haven’t found the information I’ve been seeking.” “Or a missing person, maybe?” he prodded. “A man, perhaps?” The question slipped out, once again surprising him. As if he cared who she was looking for… Her gaze never wavered. “I suppose that’s a natural assumption a man might make, but the answer is no. Not every woman is looking for a man, whether it be for pleasure or for marriage…an institution that in my opinion is overvaunted.” She sounded like Leon, only in reverse, increasing his interest. “To be specific, the manager at Donatello Diamonds directed me to the Malatesta Bank, but it seems I’ve come to a dead end there, too. Since you prefer not to tell me your name, at least let me thank you for the courtesy of coming to the pension to let me know you can’t help me. I can cross Donatello Diamonds off my list of possibilities.” Like a man concluding a business meeting, she put out her hand for Leon to shake. His closed around hers. Unexpected warmth shot up his arm, catching him off guard before he released her. “What will you do now?” “I’ll continue to search until my time runs out in three days. Goodbye.” She turned and got in her rental car without asking him for the card back. He watched until she drove to the end of the alley and turned onto the street. Her card burned a hole in his pocket. He pulled it out. If he phoned the number on the back of it, he’d find out if she’d been telling the truth about her job. But since he was a person who always jealously guarded his own privacy, he could relate to her desire to keep her private life to herself. No matter what, this woman meant nothing to him. If she’d come on a fishing expedition, he hadn’t given her any information she could use to cause trouble. By the time he’d driven back to the villa, his thoughts were on his daughter. It wasn’t until later, after he’d kissed her good-night and was doing laps in the pool, that images of the American woman kept surfacing. There was something familiar about her that wouldn’t leave him alone. A nagging voice urged him to phone the head office of TCCPI, wherever it was located, to find out if she’d fabricated an elaborate lie including a business card. Leon could do that before he went to bed. If he didn’t make the call, he’d never get to sleep. CHAPTER TWO (#ulink_4f580dca-a57c-50ba-8f3e-fae6a87d9f41) EARLY WEDNESDAY MORNING, Belle came awake after a restless night. The tall nameless man in the light blue silk suit who’d tracked her down in the alley last evening was without question the most dangerously striking male she’d ever met in her life. With those aquiline features, he embodied much more than the conventional traits one normally attributed to a gorgeous man, such as handsome, dashing or exciting. She couldn’t believe it, but she’d been attracted to him. Strongly attracted. It had never happened to her before. Once he’d called out to her, she’d felt his powerful presence before she’d even turned to study his rock-hard physique. His black hair and olive skin provided the perfect foil for startling gray eyes. For him to come from the bank armed with information no one could have known meant he was someone of importance. The fact that her inquiry had brought him to the pension convinced her she’d unwittingly trespassed on ground whose secrets were so dark, they had to be well guarded. Who better than the man who’d suddenly appeared like some mysterious prince from this Renaissance city? Just remembering their encounter sent a shiver down the length of her body. She was being fanciful, but couldn’t help it. His deep voice with barely a trace of accent in English had agitated her nervous system. Even after twelve hours she could still feel it resonating. Though she’d never forget him, she needed to push thoughts of him to the back of her mind. Her flight home Sunday would be here before she knew it, which meant she needed to intensify her search. Once she’d showered down the hall, and had slipped on a short-sleeved, belted white cotton dress, she left the pension armed with her detailed street map and notebook. She’d kept a log of every Donatello name so far. Her destination for the last Donatello she could find in the city of Rimini was Donatello’s Garage. After following the directions she’d been given on the phone yesterday, she talked to the manager, who spoke passable English. He told her a man by another name now owned the shop. The original owner, Mr. Donatello, and his wife had both died of old age. They’d had no children who could inherit the garage. This was the way it had been going since last Sunday, when she’d started working through the list of Donatellos in the Rimini phone directory. In most cases the people she’d talked to were willing to help her, even going to the trouble of finding someone to help them understand her English. They were proud of their genealogy. Many of them told her she could come by their house. The others told her their information over the phone, but so far there were no leads on a woman with the middle or last name Donatello, in her late thirties or early forties, who’d been to New York twenty-six years ago. It was like looking for a needle in the proverbial haystack. Resolving not to be dispirited, Belle thanked him and headed for the library near her pension, to do more research on the other nineteen cities and towns within Rimini Province. They were ten to twelve miles apart and had much smaller populations, so there wouldn’t be as many Donatellos to look up. That could be bad, if nothing was discovered about her birth mother. En route to the library, Belle stopped at a trattoria for breakfast and filled up so she wouldn’t have to eat until dinnertime. She would be doing a lot more driving over the next few days. Before she left Rimini, she approached the woman in the research department, who spoke excellent English and knew she was looking for Donatello names. “I have one more question, if you don’t mind. Could you tell me anything about the Malatesta Bank?” The striking Italian who’d shown up at the pension had refused to leave her mind. “How much time do you have?” That’s what Belle had thought. “Yesterday the manager of Donatello Diamonds directed me to the bank to get information, but I learned nothing. Why would he do that? I don’t understand the connection.” “The House of Malatesta was an Italian family that ruled over Rimini from 1300 to 1500. There’s too much history since then to tell you in five minutes. But today a member of that old ruling family, Count Sullisto Malatesta, runs the Malatesta Bank, one of the two largest banks in Italy. They own many other businesses as well. “Another, lesser ruling family of the past, the House of Donatello, made their fortune in diamonds, but over years of poor management it started to dwindle. Some say it would have eventually failed if Count Malatesta, then a widower, hadn’t merged with the House of Donatello. “He saved it from ruin by marrying Princess Luciana Donatello, the heiress, whose father was purported to have died of natural causes.” The woman lowered her voice. “I say purported because some people insisted both he and his wife had been murdered, either by another faction of the Donatello family, or by the Malatesta family. Soon thereafter, the count made his power grab by marrying her, but nothing definite came of the investigation to prove or disprove the theories.” Belle shuddered. The dark stranger from the bank had looked that dangerous to her. “The Donatello deaths left a question mark and turned everything into a scandal that rocked the region and made the wedding into a nationwide event.” “You’re a fount of knowledge, and I’m indebted to you,” Belle told her. “Now I’m off to the other towns in Rimini Province to look up more Donatellos. Thank you so much for your time.” The woman smiled. “Good luck to you.” Belle was glad to be leaving the city, to be leaving him. Before she left, she would pay her bill at the pension and turn in her rental car. In case the man from the bank made more inquiries about her, he’d be thrown off the scent. Leaving no trail, she’d take a taxi to another rental agency and procure a car for the rest of the week. She left the library and walked out to the parking lot to get in her car. As she opened the door, she heard a deep familiar voice say, “Signorina Peterson?” Her heart jumped. It was d?j? vu as she looked around and discovered the man who’d been responsible for her restless night. This time he was dressed in a blue sport shirt that made him even more breathtaking, if that was possible. His eyes played over her with a thoroughness that was disarming. “Why are you following me, signore?” “Because I overheard your conversation with the librarian and am in a position to help you in your search if you’d allow me.” “Why would you do that, when you won’t even tell me your name?” “Because you’re a foreigner who has suffered two frights. The first from me, because I put you through an inquisition yesterday. The second from the librarian, who increased your nervousness just now when she answered your question.” He’d been listening the whole time? That meant he’d followed her from the pension. Belle held on to the door handle for support. “What makes you think I’m nervous?” “The pulse in your throat is throbbing unnaturally fast.” Those silvery eyes didn’t miss a detail. “I imagine it always does that when I’m being stalked.” “With your kind of beauty, I would imagine it’s an occupational hazard, especially at your workplace.” While she tried to catch her breath, he said, “I had you investigated.” “I knew it,” she muttered. He cocked his dark head. “Not in a way that anyone from your store could ever find out. I called headquarters in New York and explained our bank was doing the groundwork to sponsor an American cell phone company in Rimini, to see how it would play out.” “That was a lie!” “Not necessarily. American cell phone companies are one asset we’ve had an idea to acquire for some time. When I asked which store manager might be equal to the task, you were mentioned among the top five managers for your company on the East Coast.” “What did you do? Talk to the CEO himself?” she demanded. “Actually, I did.” Good heavens. He was handsome as the devil and just as cunning. “I find it even more compelling that you started with that company at age eighteen and six years later are still with them. That kind of loyalty is rare. I was told you’re going to be promoted to a regional manager in the next few months. Perhaps it might land you in Rimini.” What? “My congratulations.” Who was this man with such powerful connections? Belle needed to keep her wits. “Just so you know, I have no interest in moving overseas. So now that you’ve learned I’m not one of the paparazzi, I’d like your word that you’ll leave me alone, whoever you are.” “I’m Leonardo di Malatesta, the elder son of Count Sullisto Malatesta.” Her heart thudded too fast. It all fit with her first impression of a dark prince, and explained the signet ring with a knight’s head on his right hand. There was a wedding ring on his left. “I understand that name connotes someone sinister.” His smile had a dangerous curl. “If it would make you feel more comfortable, call me Leon.” “The lion. If that’s supposed to make me feel any better…” A velvety sound close to a chuckle escaped his lips. “I want to apologize for my unorthodox method of getting to know you, and frightening you. Considering the fact that you plan to return to the States on Sunday, perhaps if you told me exactly what you’re hoping to find, I could help speed up the process. I really would like to assist you.” “I doubt your wife would approve.” Those gray eyes darkened with some unnamed emotion. “I’m a widower.” “Yet you still wear your wedding ring. You must have loved her a great deal. Forgive me if I’m being suspicious. The truth is, I wouldn’t dream of bothering a busy man like you, one with so many banking responsibilities. The only thing I was hoping to get from the manager at Donatello Diamonds was a little information about the female members of the Donatello family. It would take just a few minutes.” “So you’re looking for a woman…” “That’s very astute of you.” A gleam entered his eyes. “Considering the very attractive female I’m talking to, surely I can be forgiven for my earlier assessment of the situation.” Don’t let that fatal charm of his get to you, Belle, even if he is still in mourning. “That depends on what you can tell me,” she retorted with a wry smile back at him. After a pause, he said, “Obviously you haven’t found her yet. Why is she so important to you that you would come thousands of miles?” The small moment of levity fled. “Because the answer to my whole existence is tied up with her. My greatest fear is that she’s no longer alive, or that I’ll never find her.” Sorrow weighed Belle down at the thought. He studied her with relentless scrutiny. “Is she a relative?” This was where things got too sensitive. “Maybe.” “How old would she be?” “Probably in her forties.” Again, maybe. According to Cliff, her adoptive father had called her mother “that Italian girl.” Belle took it to mean she was young. “I learned she was from Rimini, Italy, but that could mean the city or the province.” His black eyebrows furrowed. “My stepmother, Luciana, was an only child, born to Valeria and Massimo Donatello here in Rimini. Valeria died in a hunting accident on their estate when Luciana was only eleven. As the librarian told you, some people still believe it wasn’t an accident.” “What she told me sounded positively Machiavellian.” “You’re right. It was only a few months ago that the police finally solved the case. The shooting was ruled as accidental.” “I see. It’s still tragic when any child loses its mother.” “I couldn’t agree more,” he said in an almost haunted voice. Their eyes held for a moment. “My father was fifteen years older than Luciana, and he married her against my brother’s and my wishes. She was only twenty at the time and could never have replaced our mother.” Four years younger than Belle’s age now. “Of course not.” She could only imagine this man’s pain. Suddenly he’d become more human to her. He’d lost his own mother and his wife. “She’s forty-two now,” Leon added. “There must be quite a few Donatello women between those ages you’ve met while you’ve been here in Rimini.” “Yes, but so far I’ve had no luck, because none of them ever traveled to New York in their late teens or twenties.” Leon’s heart gave a thunderclap. “New York is the connecting point?” he rasped. Belle nodded. What had she said in answer to his earlier question about why this was important to her? Because the answer to my whole existence is tied up with her. My greatest fear is that she’s no longer alive, or that I’ll never find her. As Leon stared at Belle, pure revelation flowed through him. He knew why she looked familiar to him. Had Marcello picked up on the resemblance? Or the manager at Donatello Diamonds? Probably not, or they would have said something, but he couldn’t be sure. Ruggio thought he’d seen her on television. Madonna mia! “I told you I’d like to help you, and I will, but we can’t talk here. Leave your car in the library parking lot and come with me. It will be safe.” “I don’t need your help. Thanks all the same.” She opened her shoulder bag to get her keys, but he put a hand on her arm. “If you want to meet your mother, I’m the person who can make it happen. But you’re going to have to trust me.” Her gasp told him everything he wanted to know. Those fabulous blue eyes were blurry with tears as they lifted to his. “Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” Her voice shook. “Let’s find out. Is there anything in your car you need?” “No.” “Then we’ll drive to my villa, where we can talk in private. I have some pictures to show you.” She moved like a person in a daze as he escorted her to his car and helped her inside. At a time like this, the shape of her long, elegant legs shouldn’t have drawn his attention, but they did. Her flowery fragrance proved another assault on his senses. “Do I look like her?” “When I saw you come out of the alcove at the pension yesterday, you reminded me of someone, but I couldn’t place you. It’s bothered me ever since. Not until a few minutes ago, when you mentioned New York, did everything click into place.” He started the engine. “You’ll need to buckle up.” Leon wove through the streets to the villa, not really seeing anything while his mind played back through the years to the time he’d first met Luciana. He remembered his father telling him and Dante that she’d lived in New York for a year and could help them improve their English. How much had his parent known about the sober young princess he’d brought home to the palazzo, besides the fact that she had money and was beautiful? Yet even if she’d told him nothing about having a baby, his father would have guessed, if she’d had a C-section or stretch marks. If not, he might still be in the dark. Her terrible secret might explain why she’d always seemed so remote and elusive to Leon. Before they reached the house he phoned Simona. After learning Concetta was back to normal and playing with her new buckets in the kitchen, he told his housekeeper to prepare lunch for him and a guest. They’d be arriving shortly and could eat out on the patio. Engrossed in her own thoughts, the woman seated next to him hadn’t said a word during the drive. Once upon a time she’d been a baby, separated at birth from her mother by an ocean. When Leon thought about his little daughter and how precious she was to him, he couldn’t fathom Belle’s or Luciana’s history. Leon had so many questions he didn’t know which one to ask first. When the white, two-story villa built along neoclassic lines came into view, he pressed the remote to open the gates and drove around to the back. When she saw the flower garden there, Belle gave a gasp of admiration. Leon helped her from the car and led her up the steps into the rear foyer that opened into the dayroom. “At the end of the hallway is a guest bedroom with bath, where you can freshen up. When you’re ready, come and find me in here, and we’ll eat lunch on the patio, where we won’t be disturbed.” “Thank you.” The second she disappeared, he hurried through the main floor to the kitchen, where he found Concetta in her playpen with some toys. She made delighted sounds when she saw him, and lifted her arms. He gathered her up and kissed her half a dozen times against her neck, causing her to laugh. Again he was reminded that his lunch guest had never known her mother’s kiss. Obviously not her father’s, either. Talia smiled. “She’s had her lunch and is ready for her nap.” “I brought company, so I can’t give her all my attention, but I will when she wakes up.” He kissed her once more and handed her back to Talia. His daughter didn’t like being separated from him, and shed a few tears going down the hall to the staircase. Much as he wanted to put her to bed himself, he was aware someone else was waiting for him, someone who’d been waiting years for any word about her parentage. Simona looked over her shoulder. “Do you want lunch served now?” “Please.” He retraced his steps to the dayroom and found Belle holding a five-by-seven framed photo she’d picked up from a grouping on one of the credenzas. Her back was turned to him, but even from this distance, he could see her shoulders shaking. “I won’t pretend to say I understand what you’re feeling. I can only imagine what it must be like to see yourself in Luciana’s image. Though you’re not identical, anyone who knows you well would notice certain similarities.” Belle put the picture back and whirled around, her lovely face dripping with tears. She used both hands to wipe them off her chin. “My mother is a princess? Your stepmother? I—I can’t take it in,” she stammered. “In the orphanage I used to dream about what she would be like. I had to believe she gave me up because of a life-and-death reason. But my dreams never reached heights like that.” Leon put his hands on his hips. “I’m still in shock from the knowledge that she had a baby, yet there’s never been a whisper of you.” He heard his guest groan. “When Cliff told me my mother was from Italy, I wanted it to be the truth. But I never thought I’d really find her. Why did you bother to come to the pension?” The throb in her voice hung in the air. It was the question Leon had been asking himself over and over. He rubbed the back of his neck. “I can’t honestly tell you the reason. It was a feeling that nagged at me to the point I had to investigate.” She clasped her hands together. “If you hadn’t come, I would know nothing, and I would be flying back to New York without ever getting an answer. Thank heaven for you!” she cried. “I’ll never be able to repay you.” A strange shiver chased through his body at the realization he might not have heeded the prompting. He’d tried to ignore it, until he’d been swimming in the pool. Then it wouldn’t leave him alone. Belle’s gorgeous eyes searched his. “But now that I see her picture, I think I’m frightened. It’s like that old expression about being careful what you wish for, because you might get it.” She wasn’t the only one alarmed. Already she was important to him in ways he couldn’t begin to explain. “Is it because you’ve discovered you’re the stepsister through marriage of the infamous Malatesta family?” He’d thrown the question at her in a silky voice to combat her pull on him. His attraction to her was sucking him in deeper and deeper. He didn’t want this kind of complication in his life, not after having lost Benedetta. Too many losses convinced him it was better not to get involved. Leon had his daughter. She was all he needed. His guest stared at him through haunted eyes. “What are you talking about? When the couple who adopted me brought me to their house, they broke their birth son’s heart. He hated me from the first day. If anything, I’m afraid of being the orphaned offspring of the woman your father brought into your home, thereby breaking your heart.” Her words touched on Leon’s deep-seated guilt, and confounded him. She really was frightened. He could feel it. “You’re pale and need to eat. Come out to the patio with me.” Leon showed her though the tall French doors on the far side of the dayroom. Simona had set the round, wrought-iron table with a cloth and fresh flowers from the garden. She’d prepared bruschetta and her bocconcini salad of mozzarella balls and cubetti di pancetta ham he particularly enjoyed. He helped Belle to a seat where she could look out at the Adriatic. With the hot, fair weather, he spotted half a dozen sailboats and a few yachts out on the water. It was a sight he never tired of, especially now with the view of her alluring profile filling his vision. Once he’d poured her some iced tea he said, “If you’d prefer coffee or juice, I’ll ask Simona to bring it.” But Belle had already taken a long swallow. “This tastes delicious and is exactly what I needed. Thank you.” After drinking half a glass himself, he picked up his fork and they started to eat. “I’m assuming Cliff is the son you referred to.” She nodded. “The Petersons adopted me when I was ten. Mr. Peterson never wanted me, but Nadine had always hoped for a daughter and finally prevailed on him to adopt me. They already had a sixteen-year-old son, who had no desire for a girl from an orphanage to move in on what he considered his territory.” Leon’s stomach muscles clenched in reaction. He could relate to Cliff’s hatred at that age. Leon had been eleven when his father had installed the twenty-year-old Luciana in the palazzo, a world that had belonged to him and his brother, Dante. No one else. Now that the years had passed, and Leon had his own home and was a father, he understood better his parent’s need for companionship. At eleven he’d been too selfish to see anything beyond his own wants. From the beginning he’d rebuffed any overtures from Luciana, but he had to admit she’d never been unkind to him or Dante. Anything but. As the years went by, he’d learned to be more civil to her. Maturity helped him to see that her cool aloofness at times masked some kind of strange sadness, no doubt because she’d lost both her parents under tragic circumstances. To think she’d had a baby she’d been forced to give up! The knowledge tore him apart inside. He could never give up Concetta for any reason. “How did it happen that Cliff told you about your mother?” After putting her fork down, Belle told him what had transpired at the attorney’s office. Leon was astounded by what he heard. For her adoptive brother to take the money before telling her what she’d been desperate to know all her life sickened Leon. What made Cliff more despicable to him was to learn he hadn’t let her keep the money that was legally hers. “Tell me about your life with the Petersons. I’d like to hear.” She looked at him for a minute as if testing his sincerity. Then she began in a halting voice. “The day I was taken to their house, Cliff followed me into the small room that would be my bedroom. He grabbed me by the shoulders and told me his dad hadn’t wanted a screaming baby around the house. That’s why they’d picked me. But I’d better be good and stay out of his dad’s way or I’d be sorry, Cliff said. And in fact his father was so intimidating, I tried hard to be obedient and not cause trouble.” Leon grimaced. “They should never have been allowed to adopt you.” “Laws weren’t so strict then. The orphanage was overcrowded. You know how it is.” As far as Leon was concerned, it was criminal. “Ben was a car salesman who loved old cars and had restored several, but it took all their money. He lost his job several times because of layoffs, and had to find employment at other car dealerships. The money he poured into his hobby ate up any extra funds they had. He was an angry man who never had a kind word. The more I tried to gain his favor, the more he dismissed me.” And destroyed her confidence, Leon bet. “Nadine held a job at a dry cleaners and was a hard worker who tried to make a good home for us. She took me to church. It was one of the few places where I found comfort. But she was a quiet woman unable to show affection. It was clear she was afraid of her own son and stayed out of her husband’s way as much as possible. I never bonded with any of them.” “How could you have under those circumstances?” Leon was troubled by her story. “One good thing happened to me. As soon as I was old enough, I did babysitting for people in the neighborhood to earn money. I’d helped out with the younger children in the orphanage and knew how to play with them and care for babies. I love them.” Her voice trembled. There was a sweetness in Belle that got under his skin. “To tell you the truth, I liked going to other people’s houses to get away from Cliff and his father, who were so mean-spirited. He constantly asked me for money, telling me he’d pay me back, but he never did. I didn’t tell on him for fear Ben would take out his anger on me.” With each revelation Leon’s hands curled into tighter fists. “Finally Cliff got a job in a garage after school, and in time bought himself a motorcycle. That kept him away from me, but from then on it seemed he was always in trouble with traffic tickets and accidents. “He was often at odds with both his parents because of the hours he kept with girls they didn’t know. Sometimes he barged into my room, to take out his frustration on me by bullying me. He never lost an opportunity to let me know I’d ruined his life,” she whispered. “I can’t begin to imagine how you made it through those hellish years, Belle.” “When I look back on it neither can I. The day I turned eighteen, I got a job in a cell phone store and moved in with three others girls, sharing an apartment. It saved my life to get away from my nightmarish situation.” “Did Cliff follow you?” “No. I left while he was gone. He had no idea where I went, and could no longer come after me for money and badger me. The few times I went to see Nadine, I went by her work at the dry cleaners so Cliff never saw me. She knew things were out of control with him and never pushed for me to come home again, because I was over the legal age.” Certain things Belle had just said brought home to Leon how mean-spirited he’d been to Luciana when she’d first come to live at the palazzo. He’d been an adolescent and had ignored any overtures on her part. Dante had done the same thing to her, following in his big brother’s footsteps. “I only ever saw him at the church funeral and the attorney’s office after that,” Belle explained. “When he told me my last name, I didn’t know if it was the truth. But I wanted it to be true, so badly that I flew to Rimini on a prayer, knowing I’d seen the last of him, and was thankful.” Shaken by her revelations, Leon wiped the corner of his mouth with a napkin. “You didn’t learn anything about your birth father through Cliff?” She drank the last of her tea. “No. I decided he must have disappeared before my mother took me to the orphanage. What other explanation could there be…unless something horrendous had happened and she’d been raped? I shudder to think that might have been the case, and would rather not talk about it.” “Then we won’t.” If Luciana had been raped, and Leon’s father knew about it, how would he feel about Belle, the innocent second victim? The more Leon thought about it, the more it was like a bomb exploding, the resulting shock waves wreaking devastation. “What’s the name of the orphanage?” “The Newburgh Church Orphanage. Why do you ask?” He put down his fork. “Despite the public’s opinion of the Malatesta family, we give to a number of charities. Your story has decided me to send an anonymous donation to the orphanage where you were raised. That’s something I intend to take care of right away.” A gift no matter how large wouldn’t take away his guilt over his treatment of Luciana, but he realized the only reason Belle was still alive was due to the generosity of others who gave to charity. “If you did that, the sisters would consider it heaven sent, but you don’t need to do it.” “I want to. They gave you a spiritual and physical start in life. No payment would be enough.” “You’re right,” she said in a quiet voice. “One of the sisters in charge reminded us that we were lucky to be there where we could get the help we needed, so we shouldn’t complain. The priest at the church where Nadine took me told me I was blessed to have a birth mother who loved me enough to put me in God’s keeping.” Hard words for a child to accept, but Leon could only agree. Whatever Luciana’s circumstances at the time, she’d at least had the courage to make certain her baby would be looked after. His admiration for her choice when she could have done something else changed his perception of her. But why had she given up her baby? Had Luciana loved that baby with all her heart, the way he’d loved Concetta from the moment he’d learned they were expecting? He knew enough about Luciana’s strict upbringing to realize she would have been afraid of letting anyone find out about her baby, causing a scandal that would tarnish the Donatello family name. Unbelievable that her offspring had grown up into a beautiful, intelligent woman eating lunch with him, no less! You’re enjoying it far too much, Malatesta. Luciana had lived through a nightmare, and had gone on to make a home for his father and the boys despite Leon’s antipathy. An unfamiliar sense of shame for his behavior over those early years crept into his psyche. He was now paying the price. “Their goodness to you needs to be rewarded,” he murmured, still trying to digest everything. “Sometimes I felt guilty for wanting to know about my parents when the sisters tried so hard to keep our spirits up. When Cliff asked me why I wanted to find someone who didn’t want me, I told him it wasn’t important if they didn’t want me. I just needed to know who I am and where I came from. But I’m not your responsibility, and I’ve taken up too much of your time as it is.” She pushed herself away from the table and stood up. “Now that I have answers to those questions, I can go back to New York. Needless to say, I’ll be indebted to you for the rest of my life. Thank you for bringing me to your villa, and please thank the cook for the wonderful food. If you’ll drive me back to the library, I’d be very grateful.” Leon got to his feet. “We haven’t even scratched the surface yet.” “Yes, we have. You and I both know there are reasons why she gave me up. I would never want to cause her pain by showing up uninvited and unwanted.” “You could never be unwanted!” he declared. He refused to believe it, but that was the father in him speaking, the father who idolized his little girl. Ever since Belle was born, she’d never known the love of her own parents. He couldn’t fathom it. CHAPTER THREE (#ulink_93cd7d93-9f38-5040-b1f4-3d4368abbddc) “YOU SAY THAT with such fervency, Leon, but we know the facts, don’t we. My mother came back to Italy and married your father. Unless you’re aware of other information, I’m sure she has never tried to find me.” “I have no idea and neither do you. Nevertheless—” “Nevertheless, she and your father have made a life for themselves,” Belle interrupted. “Last year I went to the orphanage for a final time to beg them to tell me something about my roots. I had a talk with the sister in charge.” The tremor in Belle’s voice penetrated to Leon’s insides. “What did she say to you?” “She told me she wasn’t at liberty to tell me anything, because my adoption was a closed case. Then she handed me a pamphlet to read. It was called ‘A Practical Guide for the Adopted Child.’ The material was based on research gathered by the psychiatric community. She said we’d discuss it after I’d finished it.” “And did you?” “Yes!” she cried. “The whole brochure described me so perfectly, I went into shock.” “Explain what you mean.” She moistened her lips nervously. “I’ve always had issues of self-esteem. Not to know who you are because you were given up for adoption means you don’t have an identity. All my life I’ve wanted to know if I looked like my birth parents, or acted like them. “What if I had sisters and brothers I knew nothing about? What if I came from a large family with half siblings or extended family I would never meet or get to know? It used to drive me crazy, wondering.” “Belle…at least now you know you have a mother and a stepfamily who are very much alive.” “Yes,” she whispered, staring blindly out to sea. “If I do meet her I’ll be able to learn about my birth father. I longed for a father, too, and spent many hours daydreaming about him. But I’m terrified, Leon, because I was abandoned. Being abandonable meant I wasn’t good enough to be kept and loved. That’s a very hard thing to accept.” What she was telling Leon made him sick inside. “Since you don’t know the circumstances of being left at the orphanage, don’t you realize your adoptive father and brother have contributed to a lot of those negative feelings?” “Of course.” She took a shaky breath. “But to meet my own birth mother after all this time and find out from her own lips I hadn’t been loved or wanted would shatter me. I don’t know if I could handle it. The risk is too great.” Leon shook his head. “That’s not going to happen to you. If you could see the loving way Luciana treats people…” Luciana was very loving to his daughter when he took Concetta over for visits. “You would see that your mother has an innate tenderness that goes soul deep.” Leon had seen and felt it, but in the beginning he hadn’t wanted to acknowledge it. “Even so, I know I’m setting myself up to learn that everything I’ve ever thought or dreamed of about her and my father won’t be as I assumed. You’ve told me she hasn’t had other children, but she’s a princess who has lived a life completely different from mine in every way, shape and form. The chances of her even wanting to meet the daughter she gave up are astronomical.” “That’s not true. You don’t know her as I do.” “I know you want to believe she’ll be happy to see me, but you can’t know what’s deep in her heart. And there’s your father to consider. The more I know about her and their life, the more I fear a permanent reunion could never be realized.” “It’s true I don’t know her inner thoughts.” Leon’s mind reeled when he compared the two women’s worlds. And he had no idea how his father would react upon hearing the news that Luciana’s daughter was in Rimini. “Even if she’s willing to meet me, how will she handle it? She thought she gave me up and would never see me again. Even if meeting me could satisfy the question of what happened to me, it wouldn’t solve the issues she had for giving me up in the first place. “What if seeing me exacerbates problems that bring new heartache?” Belle sounded frantic. “This meeting might result in trouble between her and your father, and they’ll wish this had never happened…” She wheeled around, her face white as parchment. Tears glistened like diamonds on those pale cheeks. “What if I brought on a crisis like that?” Tortured by the fear and pain in her voice, Leon reached for her and rocked her in his arms like he would Concetta when she was upset and frightened. “Shhh. That’s not going to happen, Belle. I swear it.” He kissed her hair and forehead without thinking. “I—I don’t want it to happen, but you can’t guarantee anything.” Much as Leon hated to admit it, everything she’d revealed from her heart and soul made a hell of a lot of sense. But suddenly he had other things on his mind. When he’d pulled her to him, his only thought had been to comfort her. Yet the feel of her curves against his body invaded his senses, sending a quickening through him, one so powerful he needed to put her away from him. As gently as he could, he let go of her. Belle took a step back before looking up at him through red-rimmed eyes. “The sister warned me my time would be better served by getting on with my own life rather than wasting it trying to find my birth mother, who obviously didn’t want to be found. “I left the orphanage with the renewed resolve to get on with my career and put my dreams away. Then came the moment in the attorney’s office when Cliff made that slip about my birth mother being Italian.” “A providential slip, in my opinion,” Leon muttered. He was beginning to believe some unseen power had been at work on both sides of the Atlantic. Otherwise how could he account for going to her pension to talk to her, when normally he would have left it alone? “I agree, Leon. The second it happened, I ignored the sister’s warning and the words in the pamphlet. I thought I knew better, and left for Italy, determined to keep looking. Now I wish I’d listened to her.” To his consternation, Leon was thankful she hadn’t obeyed the sister in charge. Belle’s pleading eyes trapped his. “My mother’s secrets are safe with me, and they have to remain safe with you, Leon. They have to.” The desperation in her voice pulled on his chaotic emotions. “They’ll be safe as long as you do something important for me.” “What?” Her breathing came in spurts. “I insist you stay in my house as my guest until you return to the States. If you don’t let me do anything else, at least accept my hospitality. Our parents are married. That one fact bonds us in a way you can’t deny.” “I wasn’t going to, but since I got the information I came for, I’m planning to fly back to New York either tonight or in the morning. Every second I’m here, it’s worse. The possibility that she could find out I’m a guest in your villa terrifies me. Whether she wanted me or not doesn’t matter. She gave me life and I’d rather die than hurt her.” Leon’s admiration for Belle grew in quantum leaps. “I believe you would,” he murmured, before making a quick decision. “Your mind appears made up, so I’ll see you back to your rental car.” “Thank you.” “I’ll meet you in the foyer after I let my housekeeper know I’m leaving.” She nodded, and he went to find Simona. On his way back through the house he stopped in the dayroom to pick up the photograph Belle had been looking at. It showed Luciana and his father on their wedding day, outside the church. At twenty she bore an even stronger resemblance to her daughter. When he reached the foyer, he found Belle studying a large oil painting of his family. “That’s my brother leaning against my mother.” “You look about six years old there. How old was Dante?” “Five. We’re just fourteen months apart.” She turned to him. “What a handsome family. You resemble both your parents.” “Genes don’t lie, do they?” “No. Your mother has the most wonderful smile.” “She was the most wonderful everything.” Belle stared at him. “You were very lucky to have a mother like that. What was her name?” “Regina Emilia of the House of Della Rovere in Pesaro.” “A princess?” “Yes.” He opened the door so she could walk past him. After he helped her into the car, he handed her the photograph. “I want you to have this. No one deserves it more than you do.” Tears sprang to Belle’s eyes. “I couldn’t take it.” “There are dozens more where this came from.” He shut the door and walked around to get behind the wheel. Belle was still incredulous over what had happened. She hugged the photograph to her chest in wonder that she’d come to the end of her search. It was all because of Leon Malatesta, who was the most remarkable man she’d ever met. But it wasn’t his generosity that had caused her to tremble in his arms just now. While he’d been holding her, kissing her like he would to comfort a child, feelings of a different kind had curled through her like flame. The need to taste his mouth and let go of her feelings had grown so intense, she knew she was in deep trouble. He was her stepbrother! In the past, when her friends had talked about desire, she’d never experienced it. Until a few minutes ago she hadn’t known what it felt like. Shame washed over her to think she hadn’t wanted him to stop what he was doing to her. By easing away from her before she was ready, he’d sent her into another kind of shock. “Are you all right, Belle?” “Yes. I—I’m just feeling overwhelmed,” she stammered. “Who could blame you?” If he knew her intimate thoughts, he’d drive her straight to the airport right now. Earlier, he’d been ready to run her out of town, when he’d thought she was some gutter reporter out to dig up something salacious about his family. Instead he’d come after her at the pension and had single-handedly led her to her dream of finding her mother. To tell him she was indebted to him couldn’t begin to convey what was in her heart. To think that after all these years of aching to know anything about her origins she had her answer… With one glance at the amazing man behind the wheel, Belle knew she could trust him to keep his silence. It was herself she didn’t trust. There was such a huge part of her that wanted to visit her mother while she was still in Rimini; it was killing her. The sooner Belle left Italy the better. But that meant she’d never see Leon again. How would she stand it? You have to handle it, Belle. Before they reached the library, she put the picture in her shoulder bag and pulled out her car keys. The minute he turned into the parking space next to her rental, she opened the door and got out, before he could help her. It only took a moment before she was ensconced in her own vehicle and ready to drive off. As his tall, powerful frame approached, she opened the window. “Thank you for everything, Leon. I’ll never forget your kindness or the photograph.” “I’ll never forget you,” he said in his deep voice. “Good luck in your future position at TCCPI. Have a safe trip home.” Home. The word didn’t have the same meaning anymore. “Goodbye.” She started the engine and drove out to the main street. As soon as she reached the pension, she would phone to change her flight plans. Through the rearview mirror she could see Leon standing there watching her, a bold, dynamic throwback from an earlier time in Italian history. When she turned the corner and he was no longer in sight, a troubling thought came to her. He’d given her no grief about leaving Italy immediately. Her heart jumped all over the place because he’d made their parting far too easy. In truth, she knew the dark, mysterious son of the count could move heaven and earth if he felt like it. Once Belle’s rental car had disappeared, Leon pulled out his cell phone and gave Ruggio instructions to go to the pension and keep a close eye on her. If she went anywhere, he was to follow her. After making a call to Simona to find out how his little girl was doing, and let his housekeeper know he might not be home until late, he headed for the bank to talk to his father. Leon found him in his suite on a business call. His parent waved him inside. While Leon waited, he poured himself a cup of coffee from the sideboard and paced the floor with it. Whether his father knew about Belle’s existence or not, what Leon had to tell him was going to come as a shock. “It’s good to see you,” his father exclaimed after hanging up the phone. “Have you dropped in to tell me you’re willing to consider ending your mourning period and start looking at another woman I have in mind for you?” “No, Pap?.” By marrying Benedetta, Leon had foiled his father’s plan for him to marry a woman of rank he’d carefully picked out for him. The hurt hadn’t been intentional, but Leon had always cared for Benedetta and refused to honor his father’s wishes in the matter of his marriage. No argument the count raised had made any difference to Leon. In that regard he wasn’t so different from his widowed parent, who’d married a second time while Leon and Dante had begged him not to. But their pleading fell on deaf ears, and there’d been tension with their father ever since he’d brought Luciana into their home. “I’m here to discuss something of a very delicate nature.” Leon locked the door to his suite so no one could interrupt them. “Since I know you just passed your annual medical exam without any major problems, I feel you can handle this.” The count’s dark brows met in a distinct frown. “You’re beginning to make me nervous, Leonardo.” “Not as nervous as I am.” He stared at his father. “This has to do with Luciana.” “Do you think she’s hiding something from me since her medical exam?” Leon heard the worry in his father’s voice, revealing how much he cared about her. “I thought you told me she’s as fine as you are. I’m talking about a secret she might have kept from you before you married her.” Leon never was one to beat about the bush. His last comment brought his father to his feet. Their gazes clung. “You know?” The coffee cup almost fell out of Leon’s hand. That one question told him his father had known about Luciana’s baby all these years. He put the cup back on the sideboard. “If we’re talking about a child she had out of wedlock, then yes.” Sullisto’s gray eyes bordered on charcoal and were dimmed by moisture. “How did you find out?” he asked in a shaken voice. Leon took a fortifying breath. “Before I answer that question, just tell me one thing. Did she want to give it up, or did she have to? I need to know the absolute truth before I say another word.” A look of sorrow crossed over his father’s face. “She had to.” “Was she raped?” The question hung like a live wire between them. The older man took a deep breath. “No.” “Do you know the name of the father?” A nerve throbbed in his cheek. “Yes. But I wasn’t the father, if that’s what you’re thinking.” “I wasn’t thinking it,” Leon replied with total honesty. “I know you’re an honorable man.” “Thank you for that.” The count cleared his throat. “To answer your first question, Luciana wanted her little girl more than life itself. A day doesn’t go by that she’s not missing her, wanting to be with her. She doesn’t talk about it all the time, but even after all these years, I see the sadness and witness her tears when she doesn’t know I’m aware.” Hearing those words brought such relief to him for Belle’s sake, it broke the cords binding Leon’s chest. “How could she have given her up?” “You have to hear the whole story, figlio mio.” “I’m listening.” His father paced the floor. “Luciana’s father had many enemies and believed his wife was murdered. Afraid his daughter was in danger, he sent Luciana to a special college in New York at eighteen, under an assumed name, while he had his wife’s death investigated. “While she was away, she met a student. They fell in love and soon she found out she was expecting. Her situation became desperate because she knew her father would never agree to a marriage between them.” “But she was pregnant! Was he that tyrannical?” “That’s a harsh word, Leonardo. Let’s just say he was a rigid man. Luciana and her lover decided to be married by a justice of the peace in a town an hour away from New York City, where she was in school. But on the day before the wedding could take place, he was killed in a hit-and-run accident. The driver was never apprehended.” Leon grimaced. “Luciana must have thought she was in a nightmare.” “Exactly. Because of what had happened to her mother, she was afraid she’d been hunted down and her lover murdered.” Aghast, Leon said, “When did she tell you all this?” “When I asked her to marry me. You see, despite all the rumors about my wanting to take over the Donatello Diamonds empire, the reason I married her was because I’d learned to care for her a great deal.” “It’s all right, Pap?. You can call it what it was. You loved her.” “So you’ve guessed it.” “Yes.” His father breathed deeply. “Her sorrow was so great, I thought that having two stepsons to help raise would ease a little of her pain. You boys were only ten and eleven, and needed a mother, especially Dante.” His voice trembled. “As for me, I needed someone who could share my life. Naturally, it wasn’t like the feelings I had for your mother, but then, you can’t expect that.” Leon couldn’t believe what he was hearing. They’d never had this conversation about his mother before. Belle was the catalyst to force a discussion that should have taken place years earlier. “Luciana’s father was overjoyed, because he knew I would take care of her. Before she gave me an answer, she said she had something to tell me that no one else knew about, not even her father. If I still wanted her, then she would accept my proposal. “I listened while it all came pouring out. After bitter anguish and soul searching, she’d felt she had no choice but to give up the baby for adoption so nothing would happen to her precious daughter. “When she gave her up, she had to sign a paper that meant she could never see her child again or take her back. It was a sealed document. Luciana signed it because she was positive her own days were numbered, but at that point she didn’t care about herself. When she returned to Rimini, she wasn’t the same vivacious girl I’d known before she left.” Again Leon stood there, dumbfounded by the revelations. “Her honesty only deepened my respect for her.” It appeared Belle had inherited that same admirable characteristic from her mother. “Not long after our marriage, her father died of heart failure. She needed me more than ever.” Sullisto eyed his son soberly. “But you still haven’t answered my question.” Leon shook his head. “After what you’ve told me, I’m not sure it would be the wise thing to do.” “You don’t trust me?” “That’s not it. I’m thinking of her daughter, who came to Rimini this week looking for the mother who gave her up.” “What?” Leon nodded. “Sit down, Pap?, while I tell you a story about Belle Peterson.” A few minutes later his father was wiping his eyes. “I can’t even begin to tell you what this is going to mean to Luciana when she finds out.” “Except that Belle doesn’t want Luciana to know anything.” For the next few minutes he told his father what had been contained in that pamphlet, and Belle’s fear of hurting her mother. “Hurt her?” Sullisto cried out. “It would have the opposite effect! I know what I’m talking about. The one thing in our marriage that has kept us from being truly happy has been Luciana’s soul-deep sadness. We tried to have a baby, but weren’t successful. She’s always believed God was punishing her for giving up her child.” “Incredibile—” “Not until two months ago did we learn that Valeria’s death was ruled accidental. That very day I begged Luciana to call the orphanage and find out what had happened to Belle. At least inquire if she’d been adopted. But she said she didn’t dare, because she was afraid her daughter would hate her. I told her I’d hire a private investigator to locate her, but Luciana was convinced Belle would refuse to talk to her, after she’d given her up.” “Belle has the exact same fear, that her mother won’t like her.” His father rubbed his hands together. “To know she has come all this way looking for her mother will be like a dream Luciana never thought could come true.” “Then you don’t have a problem if they’re united?” “Mind? How can you even ask me that?” he cried. “It’s my dream to make Luciana happy, but it has always been out of my hands.” That was all Leon needed to know. He could only imagine Belle’s joy when the two of them finally met. “I have a plan. Bring Luciana to the villa for dinner this evening. Tell her the baby is better.” His father nodded. “She’s been waiting forever for an official invitation from you.” “I know. I’m sorry about that, but it’s something I plan to rectify.” It was regrettable, but true, that though his father had come by the villa on occasion, Leon had never invited them over as a couple. His cool attitude toward Luciana had prevailed all these years. He wished he’d known early on that she’d given up her child. It wouldn’t have changed his feelings over his father’s remarriage at the time, but he might not have been so quick to judge her because of false assumptions and the many rumors that had reached his teenage ears. “It doesn’t matter, Leonardo. I know how much your mother meant to you and Dante, and I’ve understood. As for Luciana, we both know how much she loves your Concetta and will rejoice at the opportunity to be with her in your home.” Leon did know that. “Come at seven. By then Concetta will have been fed.” His father seemed more alive as they walked to the door. He gave Leon the kind of hug they hadn’t shared in years. It wasn’t just the fact that Leon had broken down and invited them both over for dinner. Only now was he beginning to understand how much his father had suffered in his second marriage because of Luciana’s pain. Once Leon left the bank, he alerted Simona about the plans for the evening, then drove to the pension. Ruggio was parked two cars behind Belle’s rental near the entrance. Leon walked over to thank his security man, and told him he wouldn’t need him any longer for surveillance. A feeling of excitement he hadn’t known in over a year passed through him as he went inside the pension and pressed the buzzer to announce his arrival. Before long Rosa appeared. “Signore?” “Forgive me for not introducing myself before. My name is Leonardo di Malatesta, signora.” The older woman’s eyes widened in recognition of his name. “I need to see Signorina Peterson on a matter of life and death.” He’d spoken the truth and felt no guilt about it. “I know she’s here. Ask her to come out to the foyer, per favore.” He put several bills on the counter for the woman’s trouble. After a slight hesitation she nodded and hurried through the alcove. Leon didn’t have to wait long before Belle appeared, with a tear-ravaged face and puffy eyes. He wasn’t surprised to see her in this kind of pain. “Leon?” Her breathing sounded ragged. “What are you doing here? We’ve already said goodbye.” Maybe he was crazy, but he had the gut feeling she was glad to see him. “Yes, we did, but something’s come up. Let’s go to your room and I’ll tell you what’s happened.” She nodded. “All right.” Any fight she might have put up seemed to have gone out of her for the moment. Leon thanked Rosa before trailing Luciana’s daughter into the alcove and down the hall to her small room. She was still dressed in the white dress she’d been wearing, but it looked wrinkled. When they went inside and he’d shut the door, he saw the indention on the single bed, where she’d been sobbing. Leon knew she couldn’t bear the thought of having to leave Italy without meeting her mother. He came straight to the point. “I went to see my father after I left you.” “Oh no—” “Before you get upset, hear me out. I learned that he knew all about you before he married your mother.” Belle’s eyes widened as if in disbelief. “I asked him if Luciana had wanted to give up her baby, or if she’d had to.” Belle’s fear was palpable. “W-what did he say?” “I’ll quote you his answer. He said, ‘She had to, but she wanted her little girl more than life itself. A day doesn’t go by that she’s not missing her, wanting to be with her.’” Belle turned away from him to hide her emotions. Without considering the ramifications, he grasped her shoulders and turned her around to face him. Her body trembled like a leaf in the wind. Earlier when he’d held her, it hadn’t been long enough. This time he drew her against him and wrapped his arms around her. Her gleaming dark hair tickled his jaw as he murmured, “Whatever plans you’ve already made to fly back to New York will have to be put on hold, because he’s bringing her to my villa tonight for dinner so you two can meet.” An unmistakable cry escaped Belle’s lips. She tried to get away, but he wouldn’t allow it, and crushed her to him. “She won’t have any idea you’re going to be there. My father believes this is the best way to handle it, and I do, too. He wouldn’t want this if he didn’t believe she’ll be overjoyed. If you need more convincing, I’ll phone and tell him to come over here.” Belle’s head was burrowed against Leon’s chest, reminding him of the way Concetta sought comfort when she was upset. He rubbed his hands over her back. “How can you possibly leave and not see her?” he argued. “This is the opportunity you’ve been waiting for all your life. You’ve been so strong. You’ve survived an existence that would have defeated anyone else. Don’t you realize how proud your mother’s going to be of you and what you’ve accomplished?” “I want to believe it.” “Would it help if I told you I’m proud of you? When the head of your company sang your praises, I could have told him what a remarkable woman you really are. How you survived in that household is beyond me. The methodical way you’ve gone about trying to find your mother in a foreign country, with no help from anyone but yourself, defies description.” He heard sniffing. “Thank you for those kind words.” Belle… “I’ll wait while you gather all your belongings. For the rest of the time you’re in Italy, you’re going to be my guest. Don’t worry about your rental car. If you’ll leave the key at the desk, one of my staff will return it to the agency. When we arrive at the house, you’ll have the rest of the day to get ready for this evening.” “You’re far too good to me.” He pressed his lips against her temple. “Why wouldn’t I be? For you to find your mother with my help after all these years brings me great happiness.” It’s a gift I couldn’t give my daughter, but I can give it to you. “You wouldn’t deprive me of it, would you?” Slowly she lifted her head. One corner of her lovely mouth lifted. “No. Of course not, but I’m so nervous. What if—” “Don’t go there,” he interrupted in a quiet voice, kneading her upper arms. “I can promise you that if she knew what was ahead for tonight, her fear would be much greater than yours. “Pap? told me that for years she has grieved because your case was sealed when she gave you up. Even if she could get a court order for information, she’s been afraid you would find it unforgivable, what she did, and would reject her out of hand.” “Is this the truth?” Fear mixed with hope in Belle’s voice. “Ask my father. He wouldn’t lie to me and is excited for the two of you to meet. It can’t happen soon enough for either of us.” “Then he’s truly not upset?” “Anything but. He believes this reunion will help solve certain problems in his marriage.” “What do you mean?” “Her sadness for having to give you up, and his inability to take it away.” “Oh, Leon…” Belle’s heart was in her eyes. Unable to deny the attraction, he cupped her face in his hands, but it wasn’t enough. He needed to taste her, and lowered his head, kissing her fully on the mouth. Right or wrong, she’d been a temptation from the outset. As he coaxed her lips apart, wanting more, he drew a response from her that shot fire through him. What should have been one kiss deepened into another, then another. He should have been able to stop what was happening, but she’d aroused too much excitement in him. “Belle…” He moaned her name, hungry for her. But in the next instant she tore her mouth from his and backed up against the door. He felt totally bereft. “Why did you pull away from me?” “Someone has to stop this insanity!” she gasped, obviously trying to catch her breath. “I’m not blaming you. I could have resisted you, but I didn’t because…I enjoyed it.” An honest woman. “I could say I didn’t know what got into me, but that would be a lie,” she added. “The fact is I’ve never been this intimate with a man and I forgot myself.” “You’re saying…” “Shocking, isn’t it? At twenty-four?” she blurted. “When I didn’t try to stop you, I—I can understand why you kept kissing me. You enjoyed a happy marriage and miss your wife. As for me, I have no excuse, so let’s just agree that this was a physical aberration that shouldn’t have happened, and promise we’ll never find ourselves in this situation again. Promise me, Leon. Otherwise I can’t go through with anything, even if it means never meeting my mother.” She had fire in her eyes. “I swear I’ll never do anything you don’t want me to do. Does that make you feel any better?” “No.” More astounding honesty. “While you pack, I’ll go out to the lobby and take care of the bill.” She moved away from the door. “I don’t expect you to pay for me.” “I know. That’s why I want to,” he murmured. She didn’t have a mercenary bone in her beautiful body. Just now her mouth had almost given him a heart attack. Belle Peterson had many parts to her, all of them unexpected and thrilling. After Benedetta died, he thought he’d never desire another woman. He left the room and paid her account through Sunday, adding a healthy bonus that brought a faint smile to Rosa’s dark eyes. Belle appeared sooner than he would have thought, carrying her shoulder bag and suitcase. Evidently her nervous anticipation over seeing her mother had made her hurry, but he had a hunch she’d always been a punctual person. Another trait he couldn’t help but applaud. He took the luggage from her and ushered her out to his car. For the second time in two days he was taking her home. A great deal had changed since yesterday morning, when he’d gone to bed after being up all night with Concetta. Leon no longer questioned why his assistant’s phone call to the villa had prompted him to get dressed and go down to the bank for an explanation. It appeared there’d been a grand design at work in more ways than one. Even so, the thought raised the hairs on the back of his neck. CHAPTER FOUR (#ulink_af1c32c7-9952-5ebe-a21d-2a42a9d9bed3) AN HOUR AFTER getting settled in the fabulous guest bedroom she’d only glimpsed yesterday, Belle heard a tap on the door. She’d been drying her freshly washed hair with her blow-dryer, and turned it off to go answer. Dinner wouldn’t be for another hour. “The signore sent me to find out if you need laundry service or would like something ironed for tonight,” said the maid standing there. Belle had never had service like this in her life. Since she wanted to look perfect for her mother, she decided to take advantage of Leon’s incredible hospitality. But she couldn’t forget for a second that his life and the lives of their parents were unique in the annals of Italian history. “Just a moment, please.” She hurried over to her suitcase, which he’d placed on a chest at the end of the king-size bed. After opening it, she pulled out the short-sleeved, lime-colored suit with white lapels and white trim. “This needs a little touching up to get out the wrinkles,” she explained as she handed it to the maid. “I’ll be right back.” “Thank you very much.” While Belle waited, she finished brushing her naturally curly hair and put on her pearl earrings. Fastening the matching pearl necklace presented problems because she was all thumbs. Tonight would be the culmination of her dreams. Despite Leon’s compliments, the fear that she’d be a disappointment to her mother wouldn’t leave her alone. She was glad she’d brought her low-slung white heels. When she’d packed for her trip, she hadn’t really imagined having an opportunity to wear them. Before long, the maid brought Belle’s suit to the bedroom. “The signore said you should join him on the patio whenever you’re ready,” she announced. Just the thought of him sent Belle’s heart crashing to her feet. She could still feel his mouth on hers, filling her with an ecstasy she didn’t know was possible. Trying to pull herself together, she thanked the maid again. One more glance in the ornate, floor-length mirror after fastening the buttons, and she felt ready to join her host. Would he approve? What if he didn’t? Did it matter to her personally? Yes, it mattered. Horribly. Those moments of intimacy at the pension had been a revelation to her. The way he’d kissed her had brought every nerve ending to life. The fact that he was her stepbrother didn’t matter once they’d crossed the line. What happened between them had shaken her so badly she could hardly function right now, but she had to! Not wanting to keep Leon waiting, she gave one more glance to the photo she’d placed on the dresser, then left the room and started down the hall. She knew her way out to the patio, but before she reached the open French doors, a darling brown dog rushed over to greet her. As she paused to rub his head, she saw that Leon wasn’t alone. Her eyes traveled to the dainty, dark blonde baby he held in his arms. She was wearing a pink pinafore and tiny pink sandals, the colors of which stood out against the black silk shirt he was wearing. The child cuddled to his chest couldn’t be more than six or seven months old and possessed features finer than bone china. He was walking her around the patio. As he talked to her, he kissed her cheek and neck over and over again. The scene with the baby was so sweet it brought hot tears to Belle’s eyes. To be loved like that… She shivered. She knew what those lips felt like on her mouth. To her shame, she hadn’t wanted him to stop. Right now she longed to feel them against her own neck. Was the baby his child? Or could she be Dante’s? Belle didn’t know much about his family. Their coloring was so different, given Leon’s vibrant black hair, but his affection for the little girl touched Belle to the core. He must have sensed Belle’s arrival. When he turned, their gazes fused. She felt him taking in her appearance. In that moment his eyes glowed a crystalline gray that made her legs go weak in response. It was that same smoldering look she’d glimpsed back at the pension after she’d pulled away from him. “I can see you’ve already met Rufo. Now come and meet my daughter, Concetta.” “Your baby?” Belle cried in wonder. That explained the love he showered on her. “Oh,” she crooned softly, “you sweet little thing.” She touched the hand clutching her daddy’s shirt. “I’ve seen a lot of babies in my life at the orphanage, but I never saw one who had your exquisite features and skin. You’re like a porcelain doll.” She looked up at Leon. “She must have gotten those dark brown eyes from her mother.” “Concetta inherited my wife’s looks.” “Obviously she was a beauty.” He pressed a kiss to his daughter’s forehead. “Before you judge me too harshly, I didn’t mention my daughter to you before now because we had a greater issue on our minds. I planned to introduce you after you agreed to follow through and meet Luciana.” “You don’t have to explain. I understand. Would you think me too presumptuous to ask how your wife died?” “No. She passed away giving birth.” “Oh no! How awful for her—for you…” Belle’s gaze traveled back to the baby. “You lost your mommy? No little girl as sweet as you should grow up without your mother. I—I’m so sorry, darling.” Her voice broke. “At least you’ll always know who she was, because you have your daddy, who loved her so much. And you have pictures.” Without conscious thought Belle kissed that little hand before she looked up at Leon. “What went wrong during the delivery?” He cuddled his daughter closer. “Soon after our marriage Benedetta was diagnosed with systemic lupus.” A moan escaped Belle’s lips before she could prevent it. “One of the sisters at the orphanage had that disease.” He kissed the baby’s head. “My wife was the daughter of the now deceased head of the kennel on my father’s estate. She and I had been friends throughout childhood. Later on, after I came home from college and had been working at the bank for several years, we fell in love, and got married in a small, quiet ceremony, out of the public eye. “Before long her illness became more aggressive. She developed a deep vein thrombosis in the leg, which was hidden at the time. A piece of blood clot broke off and ended up in her lung. It caused it to collapse, and heart failure followed.” “Oh, Leon…” “Concetta came premature. My great sadness was that Benedetta’s life had been snuffed out before she’d been able to hold our baby.” Belle’s heart ached for them. “Will Concetta get lupus?” “No. Thankfully, the pediatrician says my daughter is free of the disease. It doesn’t necessarily follow that the child inherits it.” “Thank heaven!” Belle exclaimed. “How lucky she is to have her daddy! Every girl needs her father.” Leon’s glance penetrated to the core of her being. “You think it’s possible to do double duty?” he rasped. In that question, she heard a vulnerability she would never have expected to come from him. The dark prince who’d kissed her hungrily had a weakness, after all. A precious cherub, the reminder of the woman he’d loved and lost. “With her father loving her more than anyone else in the world, she won’t know anything else, and will have all the love she needs, to last her a lifetime and beyond.” He hugged his daughter tighter. “I hope you’re right.” “I know I am. Do you think she’d get upset if I tried to hold her?” “She isn’t used to people except my staff and family. If you try, you’ll be taking your life in your hands, but if you want to risk it…” He didn’t sound unwilling, just skeptical. “I do.” The operation at the orphanage was such that the older children always helped with the infants and toddlers. Belle had no hesitation as she plucked the baby from his powerful arms. By now Concetta had started to cry, but Belle whirled around with her and sang a song that so surprised the baby, she stopped crying and looked up at her. The dog followed them. It was then Leon’s little girl discovered the pearls, and grabbed them. Belle laughed gently. “You like those, don’t you.” At this point Leon attempted to intervene. She felt his fingers against her skin while he tried to remove his daughter’s hands, but she held on tighter. After a slight tug-of-war, the necklace broke and the pearls rolled all over the patio tiles. The sound sent Rufo chasing after them. “Uh-oh.” Belle chuckled again, because the surprise on the baby’s dear face was priceless. “Where did they go?” Concetta turned her head one way, then another, trying to find them. “I’m sorry about your necklace, Belle,” Leon murmured, while his gaze narrowed on her mouth. Heat radiated through her body to her face. “It’s nothing,” she said in a ragged voice. “Once the pearls are gathered, I’ll have them restrung for you.” “Don’t you dare,” she said, to fight her physical attraction to Concetta’s father, who suddenly looked frustrated. His baby made him so human, her heart warmed to him. “This is costume jewelry I bought for twenty dollars on sale. We don’t care, do we, Concetta.” She kissed her head and kept walking with her, to put Leon out of her mind. Of course, it didn’t work. “Let’s watch that boat with the red-and-white sail.” She pointed to it, but by now the baby was staring at her. There were no more tears. “I bet you’re wondering who I am. My name is Belle Donatello. I can’t believe I know my last name. Your generous daddy is letting me stay here for a few days.” I’m staying at my peril. She lifted her head to find Leon standing a few feet away. “How do you say daddy in Italian?” “Pap?,” he answered in a husky tone. Belle turned so Concetta could see him. “There’s your pap?.” All of a sudden his daughter started to whimper, and reached for him. Belle closed the distance and gave her back to him. But the baby quickly looked around and kept staring at Belle in fascination. Leon’s sharp intake of breath reached her ears. “If I hadn’t witnessed it with my own eyes, I wouldn’t have believed what just happened.” “What do you mean?” “She didn’t break into hysterics with you. Anything but.” Belle’s mouth curved upward. “I learned in the orphanage that all babies have hysterics. It’s normal. The trick is to get their attention before they become uncontrollable. The sisters were lucky, since between their habits and crucifixes, they were able to quiet the babies down fast. My pearls did rather nicely, don’t you think?” Leon had a very deep, attractive chuckle. “I think the next time you hold her, you’d better keep her hands away from the pearls in your earlobes. Inexpensive as they might be, the rest of you is…irreplaceable.” A certain nuance in his voice made her realize he’d been remembering what had gone on earlier. It wasn’t something you could forget. “Did you hear that, Concetta?” She poked the child’s tummy and got a smile out of her. Lifting the hem of the pinafore, she said, “Pink is my favorite color, too. I bet your pap? bought this for you because he couldn’t resist seeing you in it.” The gleam in his eyes verified her statement. “Even if you weren’t a real princess, you look like one.” For the first time since she’d joined him, his features hardened. “There are no titles under this roof and never will be.” Meaning even after his father died? It followed that, being the elder brother, he would be Count Malatesta one day, but he’d just made it clear he wanted no part of it. “After what I’ve learned of my mother’s tragic history, I think that’s the wisest decision you could make as her father.” He switched Concetta to his other compact shoulder. “Before she and my father arrive, this little one needs her dinner. I’ll take her to the kitchen.” “Can I come, too, and help feed her?” A quick, white smile transformed him into the kind of man her roommates would say was jaw-dropping gorgeous. He was that, and so much more Belle couldn’t find words. “If you do, you may have to change your outfit.” She sent him a reciprocal smile, attempting like mad to pretend she hadn’t experienced rapture. “That’ll be no problem.” Together with the dog, they walked through the dayroom and down another hall. Belle glimpsed a library and an elegant dining room on their way to the kitchen. From one of the windows she could see a swimming pool surrounded by ornamental flowering trees. A vision of the two of them in the water after dark wouldn’t leave her alone. In the kitchen three women were busily working. Leon introduced her to his housekeeper, Simona, the maid, Carla, and the nanny, Talia, who reached for the baby. If they knew who Belle really was, rather than simply being a guest, they showed no evidence. After tying a bib around Concetta’s neck, Talia placed her in the high chair next to the table and drew a chair over to feed her. Belle shot Leon an imploring glance. “Could I give her her dinner?” He looked surprised. “You really want to? Sometimes she doesn’t cooperate.” “That’s all right. I’d love it! I moved out of my adoptive parents’ house at eighteen and haven’t tended a baby since.” To her joy, he said something to Talia in Italian. She smiled at Belle, then brought the baby food jars to the table. Belle opened the lid on the meat. “Hmm…smells like lamb.” She glanced down at the dog, who sat there begging her with his eyes. “Sorry, this food isn’t for you, Rufo.” The other jar contained squash. “Oh boy, Concetta. This all looks nummy.” Belle took the spoon and dipped it in the vegetable. “Here it comes.” Slowly, she lifted it in the air and did a few maneuvers. Those black-brown eyes followed the action faithfully. Belle brought the spoon closer to the baby, who’d already opened her mouth, waiting for her food. Belle saw Leon in the shape of his daughter’s mouth and felt an adrenaline rush that almost caused her to drop the utensil. He burst into laughter. “You’re a natural mother.” “Not really.” She began feeding Concetta her meat while the women watched. “I fed the babies at the orphanage. This is the only thing I have a natural aptitude for.” “The CEO at TCCPI has told me otherwise,” he stated. If she wasn’t careful, she might start wanting to hear more of his compliments. And believing them, Belle? “When you’re on your own and forced to earn a living, you learn a trade fast.” A troubled expression entered his eyes. “Your adoptive father never helped you after you left home?” She shook her head, with its dark, shiny mass of flowing hair, and continued to feed the baby. “But I’d be ungrateful if I didn’t acknowledge that he and Nadine fed and clothed me for eight years while I lived under their roof. Some of my friends in the orphanage never got adopted, and lived their whole lives there until they were old enough to leave. I was one of the luckier ones.” Concetta hadn’t quite finished her food when she put her hands out as if to say she was full. She was so adorable, Belle could hardly stand it. “I think you’ve had enough.” Without thinking about it, she untied the bib. After wiping Concetta’s mouth with it, she put it on the table and lifted the baby out of the high chair. “Uh-oh. I can tell you need to be changed. Where’s your bedroom?” Leon had been lounging against the wall, watching them. “Upstairs.” Belle darted him a glance. “If you’ll show me, I’ll change her, but only if it’s all right with you.” One black brow lifted. “Since you’ve got her literally eating out of the palm of your hand, I have a feeling she’d have a meltdown if anyone else dared to interfere at this point.” “Leon…” The man had lethal charm. It had been getting to her from the first day and had worked its way beneath her skin. “Follow me.” The only thing to do was concentrate on the baby. “You have the most beautiful home, Concetta. I always wanted to live in a house with a staircase like this. I wonder how long it will be before you slide down the banister when your pap? isn’t looking.” She heard the low chuckles trailing after him, and it was impossible to keep her eyes off his hard-muscled frame. She knew what it was like to be crushed against him, and came close to losing her breath, remembering. In father mode, Leon was completely different from the forbidding male she’d first met. Like this he was irresistible. Rufo darted ahead of them. They entered the first room at the top of the stairs. “I might have known you’d live in a nursery like this. Your father has spoiled you silly, you lucky little girl.” Belle felt as if she’d entered fairyland. He’d supplied everything a child could ever want. There was a photograph on the dresser of a lovely, dark blonde woman who had to be Leon’s deceased wife. Concetta would always ache for the mother who hadn’t lived through childbirth. The thought made Belle’s heart constrict. She knew what it felt like to want your mother and never know her. She carried the baby over to the changing table against the wall and got busy. After powdering, she put a clean diaper on her. Concetta’s cooperation made it an easy operation. Leon stood next to Belle. The scent of the soap he used in the shower lingered to torment her. “You’ve mesmerized my daughter.” “It’s the lime suit.” She picked up the baby. After giving her a kiss on her neck, she placed Concetta in her father’s arms. “I’m wearing a different color than she’s used to seeing.” “So that’s your secret weapon?” When Belle raised her head in query, the crystal gray eyes she remembered had morphed to a slate color. Just now she’d detected an edge in his tone, and didn’t understand it. If he hadn’t wanted her to feed or change the baby, he should have told her. As her spirits plummeted, she heard a male voice, and spun around to discover Leon’s father in the nursery doorway. Rufo had already hurried over to him. She recognized him from the photographs, but since the time those pictures were taken, his dark hair had become streaked with silver. His presence meant Belle’s mother was here! Her mouth went dry. Leon saw the shock on his father’s face. Normally, he headed straight for Concetta, but not this time. The count was staring at Belle. Her beauty stopped men in their tracks, but he’d also seen the resemblance to Luciana and was obviously speechless for a moment. His father wasn’t the only one. Leon had felt out of control since their first meeting. Just now her easy interaction with Concetta, and his daughter’s acceptance of Belle, had caught him unaware. It had to be because Belle reminded her of Luciana. To his chagrin he’d experienced a ridiculous moment of jealousy. “Pap?? May I introduce Belle Peterson. Belle? Meet my father, Sullisto.” The older man walked over to Belle with suspiciously bright eyes. “It’s like seeing your beautiful mother when she was in her twenties.” He kissed her on both cheeks and grasped her hands. “My wife’s not going to believe it. I’m not sure I do.” “I don’t believe it, either,” Belle answered in an unsteady voice. “It’s like a dream. I’m so happy to meet you.” He studied her features for a long moment. “How do you want to do this, my dear?” Leon appreciated his father’s sensitivity and stepped in. “Where’s Luciana?” “I left her in the living room, playing the piano.” “Why don’t you entertain Concetta up here while I take Belle downstairs to meet her?” He kissed the baby and handed her over. “I’ll come back for the two of you in a few minutes and we’ll go down together.” His father hugged the baby to him before looking at Belle. “Take all the time you need.” “Are you sure this is the right thing to do, signore?” Her question went straight to Leon’s gut. “Call me Sullisto. You’re going to make a new person of my wife,” his father reassured her. A hand went to her throat. “Thank you for being so kind and accepting.” Leon could only wonder at the emotions gripping her. “Let’s go.” She followed him out of the room and down the stairs. The sound of the piano grew louder. When they reached the front foyer, he turned to her. “Ready?” Belle nodded. “I’ve been waiting for this all my life, but I’d like you to go first.” Taking a deep breath, he opened the French doors. “Good evening, Luciana.” The playing stopped and she got up from the baby grand piano looking lovely as usual in a draped midriff jersey dress in a blue print. Though her daughter wasn’t wearing Versace, Belle had the same sense of style and good taste as her mother. She hurried across the Oriental rug toward him. “Thank you for inviting us, Leon. Where’s your precious baby?” He noticed the two women had the same little tremor in their voices when they were nervous. They were both the same height, but Luciana wore her hair short these days in a stylish cut. After giving her a kiss on both cheeks, he said, “Upstairs with Pap?. But before he brings her down, there’s someone I want you to meet.” “A special woman?” He knew what she was thinking. His father had Leon’s love life on his mind and no doubt had been discussing the list of eligible titled women with Luciana. “This one is very special. You’ll have to speak English. Come in,” he called over his shoulder. After Belle stepped into the living room, he watched Luciana’s expression turn to incredulity, then shock. She went so pale he put an arm around her shoulders and helped her to the nearest love seat. “Your daughter has come all the way from New York looking for you.” A stillness enveloped both women before Luciana cried, “Arabella?” Tears splashed down Belle’s cheeks. She, too, had lost color. Fear that she might faint prompted Leon to help her sit next to her mother. “That’s my real name?” she asked in wonder. “Arabella?” “Yes. Arabella Donatello Sloan. Your father was English. Arabella was his grandmother’s name. She told him it meant beautiful lion. You are so beautiful. I don’t know how you ever found me, but oh, my darling baby girl, I’ve missed and ached for you every moment since I gave you up. You’ve been in my every prayer. Let me hold you.” It was like a light had gone on inside, bringing Luciana to life, illuminating her countenance. Like her mother, Belle glowed with a new radiance. They weren’t aware of anyone else. The sight of the two women clinging desperately while they communicated and wept and made dozens of comparisons brought a giant-size boulder to Leon’s throat. The explanation of Belle’s name reminded Leon of his conversation with her the day before, about his own name meaning lion. Belle remembered, too, because she darted him a quick glance. It was an odd coincidence. “I want you to know about your father. I have pictures of him back at the palazzo.” Belle flashed Leon a smile. He knew what seeing a picture of him would do for her. “Arabella was the grandmother who raised him before she died. We talked about names before you were born. That’s the one we liked the best. You would have loved him, but he was killed before we could be married. I was so terrified he’d been murdered that, when I had you, I made the decision to give you up because the danger you might be killed, too, was too great.” Leon moved closer to them. “We now know that no one was murdered, and Robert’s death had to have been an accident.” “Yes, but I didn’t know it until a few months ago. When I think about the years we’ve lost…” Her mother broke down sobbing. Belle held her for a long time. “What happened to my father?” “Robert and I had been in downtown Newburgh and we’d just left each other. He’d started across the intersection when this car crossed over the lines and came at him at full speed. The driver just kept going, leaving Robert lying there lifeless.” Belle’s groan filled the room. “It was so horrifying I went into labor and was taken to the hospital. You came a month early, Arabella. You were still in the intensive care unit when I had a graveside service for Robert. The police never found the man who killed him.” “How terrible for you.” Belle reached out to hug her harder. “It was terrible, since I couldn’t tell my father. He didn’t know about Robert. I knew if I took you back to Italy, he wouldn’t let me keep you at the palazzo. Worse, I was afraid you wouldn’t be safe with me anywhere. “When I made arrangements for you at the orphanage, you still needed a lot of care. But my father sent for me to come home. He wasn’t feeling well, because of his heart, and hinted that he wanted me to meet Count Malatesta, who’d recently lost his wife to cancer. My father wanted him for a son-in-law. “We married on my twentieth birthday. The fact that he still wanted me after I confessed everything to him in private proved to me he was a good man. But while I was still in New York, I couldn’t imagine ever marrying again. It was agony, because I had to rely on the sisters to watch over you. I told them I’d named you Belle. That way no one could ever trace you to Robert or me. I also told them they had to promise that whoever adopted you would take you to church.” “Nadine always took me.” “Thank heaven for that.” In all the years Leon had known Luciana, she’d never made such long speeches. In one breath he’d already learned enough about her past to erase the lies he’d heard whispered by the staff and others who lived on gossip. Those lies about her being shallow and of little substance had colored his thinking for years. He left the living room and remained outside the doors for several minutes to get a grip on his emotions, before taking the stairs two at a time. When he entered the nursery, he found his father helping Concetta stack some blocks. Sullisto saw him in the doorway. “Well…I guess I don’t have to ask how it went. Your eyes say it all.” Leon nodded. “You were right. This was one reunion that was meant to be. Come downstairs and see for yourself.” He plucked his daughter from the floor, still clutching one of her blocks, and they headed out the door with Rufo. When they’d descended the staircase and entered the living room, he discovered the two women still seated on the love seat, deep in conversation punctuated with laughter and tears. “Forgive us for barging in on you, but my daughter wants to join in.” “Concetta…” Luciana rushed over to take her from Leon’s arms. Belle was right there with her. Both women fussed over his daughter, laughing, and his little girl broke out in smile after smile. She’d never had so much loving attention in her life. Leon glanced at his father. They shared a silent message that left no doubt this watershed moment had changed the fabric of life in both Malatesta households. “Dinner’s ready. Let’s go in the dining room. Tonight we’ll all eat together.” Leon’s words delighted the women. After he brought the high chair in, they both begged him to put Concetta between them at the candlelit table. Happiness reigned for the next hour, with most of the attention focused on the baby. Leon looked around, realizing he hadn’t felt this sense of family since before his own mother had died. His father hadn’t seemed this relaxed and happy in years, either. As for Luciana, being united with her daughter had transformed her to the point Leon hardly recognized her. Gone were the shadows and that underlying look of depression. But it was the new addition to his table that filled him with emotions foreign to him. Since Benedetta’s death, Concetta had been the only joy in his life. Having lost his wife, he hadn’t been able to think about another woman. As for marriage, he had no plan to marry again. His daughter was all he could handle, all he wanted to handle. Before Benedetta had died, she’d been Leon’s comfort. With two losses in his life, plus Dante’s aloofness, it was Concetta who was the beat of his heart now. Though she was loved by his staff, he guarded her possessively, afraid for anything to happen to her. He’d been functioning on automatic pilot at work, unenthusiastic about the pleasures he’d once enjoyed. His good friend Vito had phoned, no doubt to make some vacation plans, but Leon hadn’t even called him back yet. While he’d been going along in this whitewashed state, Belle Peterson had exploded onto the scene. Her presence reminded him of someone who’d come along his private stretch of beach and purposely destroyed the sand castle he’d made for his daughter with painstaking care. In Belle’s case it wasn’t intentional. Far from it. But the damage was just as bad, because nothing could be put back the way it was before. Leon didn’t like having his world turned upside down, leaving him with inexplicable feelings percolating to life inside. He should never have kissed her. Obviously, he needed to start dating other women. There were many he could choose from if he wanted to. But it was disconcerting to realize that none of them measured up in any way to Belle. When Carla came into the dining room to pour more coffee, he asked her to tell Talia to come and put the baby to bed. Concetta was too loud and squirmy, a telltale sign she was tired. But after the nanny arrived and pulled her out of her high chair, his daughter cried and fought not to be taken away. To his astonishment, she reached for Belle and quieted down the second his houseguest grasped the baby to her. Diavolo! He couldn’t blame it on the green suit or the shape in it. Belle herself, with her creative ways of doing things, had captured his daughter’s interest. Those dark blue eyes sought his with a trace of concern. “If it’s all right with you, I’d love to get her ready for bed.” This wasn’t supposed to happen, but what could Leon say? “I’m sure that will make Concetta very happy.” When he saw the way she interacted with Belle, it came to him that his daughter needed a mother. Until now he’d been thinking only of his own needs. It had taken Belle’s advent in their lives for him to realize a father wasn’t enough for Concetta, who deserved two parents to make her life complete. “Oh good! Come with me,” she said to Luciana. “We’ll do it together.” “You’ll find a stretchy suit in the top drawer of the dresser,” Leon suggested. “A stretchy suit?” Belle said to the baby. “I wonder how many pink ones you have.” “It’s a beautiful color on her, but then she’s lovely in every color,” Luciana said as they left the dining room, chatting together like a mother and daughter who’d never been apart. “She’s already a great beauty.” Once they were alone, Sullisto eyed Leon. “I can see that Luciana won’t want to be separated from Belle now that they’ve found each other. You say she’s flying back to New York on Sunday?” “That was the plan,” Leon muttered, not able to think that far ahead. “Well, as long as she’s in Rimini, she’ll stay with us at the palazzo. I’m anxious to get them both home.” After a slight hesitation, he said, “I haven’t told Luciana this yet, but I’m planning to adopt Belle so she’ll be an integral part of the family.” After learning how much Luciana had suffered since giving up her daughter, Leon wasn’t surprised by the announcement. What it did do was convince him how deeply his father had learned to love Belle’s mother. Feeling restless with troubling thoughts he hadn’t sorted out yet, Leon got to his feet. “I’ll go up and make sure Concetta is settling down without problem. Have you told Dante about Belle?” “No. Pia has been so upset because she hasn’t conceived yet, he took her to Florence for a little break. They won’t be back until sometime tomorrow afternoon. It’s probably a good thing. I want to give Luciana and Belle the next twelve hours or so together before we break the news to them. “They don’t have your advantage of getting to know Belle first, and her reasons for coming to Rimini. It will take time for him and Pia to absorb everything that’s happened while they’ve been gone.” Dante wouldn’t be the only one. Leon was still attempting to deal with the reality of Luciana’s daughter, whose response had almost sent him into cardiac arrest earlier. Sullisto had been brilliant at keeping his wife’s secret from their family. But for some reason his plan to adopt Belle didn’t sit well with Leon. He left his father at the table and went to the kitchen to find Talia, asking her to get Concetta’s bottle ready and take it upstairs. “You outdid yourself on the dinner,” he said to Simona, before bounding up the staircase. He found a beaming Luciana holding his daughter, who’d been changed into a white stretchy suit with feet. Belle stood next to them, playing with his daughter’s toes. The baby was laughing out loud. Luciana saw him first. “Oh, Leon, she’s the dearest child in the whole world.” There was a new light in her eyes. Belle’s expression reflected the same sentiment. “We wish she didn’t have to go to bed.” “I’m sure she doesn’t want to be put down, either, but it’s time.” He walked over and reached for his daughter, who clung to him with satisfying eagerness. Talia wasn’t far behind with the bottle. She sat down in the rocker, so he could hand her the baby, who’d started to fuss the second he let go of her. “Buonanotte, Concetta. Be a good girl for Talia.” He kissed her cheeks before following the two women out of the nursery. Sullisto met them at the bottom of the stairs. He reached for Belle’s hand. “Your mother and I would like you to stay at the palazzo with us while you’re in Rimini. Would you like to come with us now?” Leon sensed her slight hesitation. He was pleased by it when he shouldn’t have been. Though he didn’t know what was going on in her mind, he made the instant decision to intervene. “Belle has already settled in as my houseguest for tonight, Pap?. As it’s late and I know she’s exhausted, why don’t I bring her to the palazzo in the morning for breakfast, and we’ll discuss future plans?” Luciana hugged her daughter. “Of course you’re tired. After the shock of coming face-to-face with my beautiful daughter, whom I thought would always be lost to me, I confess I am, too. Tomorrow we’ll spend the whole day together. I can’t wait.” “Neither can I.” “I love you, Arabella.” “I love you, too.” Belle’s words came out in a whisper. They hugged for a long time before letting each other go. Together everyone moved to the front foyer. Luciana’s gaze moved to Leon. “Please bring Concetta when you come. We can’t get enough of her.” Leon nodded to his stepmother and father before the two of them disappeared out the door. When it closed he turned to Belle. “Did I speak too soon for you? It’s not too late to go with them.” She shook her head. “Actually, I’m very grateful you said what you did. No matter what you say, this meeting put my mother and your father in a difficult position. By my staying here in your home, they’ll have time to talk alone tonight. She put on a wonderful front, but—” “It was no front,” Leon contradicted. “I’ve known her close to fourteen years. The joy on her face when she saw you changed her to the point that I hardly recognized her.” Belle bit her lip. “But that doesn’t alter the fact that she gave me up and no one knew about it. Now that I’m here, she has to worry about people finding out she had a child before she married your father.” “Do you honestly believe that matters to either of them now?” “I don’t know. She said she gave me up to keep me safe. But since that’s no longer a concern and I’ve shown up, she’ll have to deal with gossip. I’m not worried for myself, but the last thing I want is to bring more unhappiness to your family.” “That’s very noble of you, Belle, but she’s already let you know you’re welcome with open arms.” Her chin lifted. “Maybe. I think it would be better if she comes over here in the morning, where we can talk in private before I go back to New York. Her presence in your home won’t draw attention. If I thought my coming to Italy could upset her life in any way…” He raked a hand through his hair. “Come out on the patio with me and we’ll talk.” Without saying anything, she followed him down the hall to the other part of the house. When he opened the doors to the patio, they were greeted by a sea breeze scented with the fragrance of the garden flowers. Belle walked over to the railing. “How absolutely heavenly it is out here.” “It’s my favorite place.” “I can see why.” Leon stood next to her, studying her stunning profile, which was half hidden by her dark hair. “Forget everything else for a minute and answer me one question.” She turned her head in his direction. “You want to know how I feel.” Belle had the disarming habit of being able to read his mind. “Can you put it into words yet?” “No,” she answered promptly. “Luciana is wonderful. More wonderful than I could have ever hoped. So’s your father. But over these years, this need to find her has been all about me and what I want. Sitting with her on the love seat while she explained her life to me, I realized what a terrible thing I’ve done to her.” Leon looked into those blue eyes glittering with tears. “I don’t understand.” “She didn’t deserve to have me sweep into her world, bringing up all the pain and unhappiness she’s put behind her. No—” Belle put up her hands when he would have argued with her. “The sister in charge warned me I could be taking a great risk in trying to find my birth mother. I thought I knew better when you told me I could meet her at dinner tonight. When I met your father, I still felt good about it. But I don’t anymore.” Leon had to think fast. “I’m guessing the part of you that feels unlovable has taken over for the moment. You’re terrified that any more time spent with her and she’ll see all your flaws.” Belle gripped the railing tighter. “I’m nothing like her. She’s lovely and refined. I never met anyone so gracious. She’s not the kind of person to tell you what she’s really thinking inside. She and your father have made a life together. There’s no place in it for me and there shouldn’t have to be.” “You’re wrong about that, Belle.” If his father had his way, it wouldn’t be long before she found herself being adopted for the second time in her life. “It’s hard to explain, but I feel like I’ve trespassed on their lives.” “Trespassed… If you feel like that, then blame me for facilitating the meeting.” Tears again sparkled in her eyes. “I could have decided not to go through with the plans for this evening. Of course I don’t blame you. You’ve been wonderful. You all have. I’m the one who doesn’t belong in Rimini.” “That’s another part of you talking, the part that feels you don’t deserve this outpouring of kindness and acceptance. You’re going to have to give this time, Belle. In the past you’ve been too used to rejection from your adoptive father and brother. If you turn away now, after one meeting, you’ll be giving in to old habits. Consider your mother’s feelings.” “She’s all I’m thinking about right now.” “How do you imagine she’ll feel if you let your fear of rejection prevent her from really getting to know you? It works both ways.” Belle shook her head. “I don’t know what to do.” “Do you think she does?” A troubled sigh escaped her lips. “I’m not sure. If she’d begged me to come with her tonight…” Ah. “What if she was afraid to pressure you, in case you had reservations? I’m the one who mentioned your fatigue, and she grabbed on to it for an excuse, in case you didn’t feel comfortable going with them. Don’t you see?” “I—I don’t know what I see,” Belle stammered. “I love her so much already, Leon, but I’m more anxious than ever.” Her eyes met his, full of despair and confusion. He wasn’t immune to her pain, but he couldn’t take her in his arms again, not after he’d sworn to keep his distance. Yesterday, when he’d drawn her against him, he’d become instantly aware of her as an alluring woman, but he’d fought those feelings. He couldn’t handle the complication of a woman in his life. Yet when they’d been at the pension, he’d reached for her again, because he couldn’t help himself. Much more of this and he would lose every bit of objectivity. Already her presence was making chaos of the well-ordered existence he’d been putting back together since Benedetta’s death. Otherwise why would he have stepped in to suggest Belle remain under his roof tonight? CHAPTER FIVE (#ulink_dd783507-5e02-509c-a872-65e4171463a5) BELLE LOOKED AWAY from Leon’s dark gaze, trying desperately to pull herself together. After priding herself on being able to handle her life on her own, why did she keep falling apart like this? She should have jumped at the opportunity to go home with her mother earlier, but Leon had read her hesitation with uncanny accuracy and had offered another solution. When she’d confided her reason to him for holding back, she’d told the truth. She’d wanted to give her mother space. But she feared there’d been another reason to stay with Leon, not so readily discernible until this moment, now that she was alone with him again. Reflecting back to that interlude in her bedroom at the pension, she was angered by her need for comfort from the last person she should have turned to. For her to have lost control and kissed a man who still had to be grieving the loss of his wife was humiliating. It was madness. Feigning a calm she didn’t feel, she managed to dredge up a smile. “Thank you for helping me work through my angst. Concetta is the luckiest little girl in the world to have you for her father. And like your father, you’re a virtual bulwark of strength and reason, Leon Malatesta. I’ve gotten over my jitters and can go to bed now with the hope of getting some sleep. Good night.” Without looking at him, she left the patio and went straight to the guest bedroom, shutting the door. A good sleep? That was hilarious. “Signorina?” Belle came out of the bathroom the next morning, where she’d been putting on her makeup. Earlier, Carla had brought her coffee. “Yes, Simona?” “Signor Malatesta says to come to the rear foyer. He’s ready to drive you to the palazzo whenever you’re ready.” “I’ll be right there. Thank you.” She’d been up for an hour, unable to stay in bed following a restless night’s sleep. After some experimenting, she drew her hair back at the nape. In her ears she’d put on her favorite pink topaz earrings. Luciana was so elegant, Belle wanted to look her best for her mother. This morning she’d dressed in a short-sleeved, three-piece suit of dusky pink, with a paler pink shell. Whenever she wore it to the regional meetings for her work, it garnered compliments. When she stepped outside the door, she saw Leon in a light tan suit, fastening his daughter in the back car seat of a dark blue luxury sedan. Concetta was dressed in a blue-and-yellow sunsuit. With those dark brown eyes that saw Belle coming, she was a picture. “Good morning, you adorable thing!” He stood up, transferring his gaze to Belle. “Buon giorno, Arabella,” he murmured, while his eyes traveled over every inch of her. When he did that, she melted on the spot. “Buon giorno,” she responded, sounding too American for words. “Do you mind if I sit in back with her?” During the night Belle had decided that the only safe way to be around Leon was to stay close to his daughter. It was no penance. Belle was already crazy about her. Without waiting for an answer, she walked around to the other side and climbed in back. Rufo had already made his place on the floor at the baby’s feet. Belle rubbed his head behind his ears. He licked her hand before she turned to Concetta and fastened her own seat belt. “How’s my little sweetie? I love those cute seashells on your top.” As she touched them, the baby smiled and reached out to pull her hair. Leon was still looking in from the other side. Could there be such a striking man anywhere else in existence? “Like I said last night, you keep that up at your own risk.” “After the pearls, what’s a little hair?” she teased. He chuckled. “She’s already got her sights set on your earrings. They’re stunning on you, by the way.” “Thank you.” Please don’t keep saying personal things like that to me. In seconds he got behind the wheel and drove them away from the estate toward the city. This was the first time since coming to Rimini that Belle was actually able to see it through a tourist’s eyes. Until now her thoughts had been so focused on finding her mother, she’d been pretty much unobservant. He drove her along the autostrada and played tour guide. On one side were hundreds of fabulous-looking hotels. On the other were hundreds and hundreds of colorful umbrellas set up three rows deep on the famous twelve-mile-long stretch of beach. “It’s a sun lover’s paradise, Leon!” “If you don’t mind the invasion of masses of humanity,” he drawled over his shoulder. But he didn’t have to worry about that. His private portion of beach was off-limits, and no doubt strictly watched by his security men. After a few minutes they climbed a slight elevation where an incredible period residence in an orangey-pink color came into view. “Oh, Leon…” “This is the Malatesta palazzo. Our family purchased it in the nineteenth century. It’s of moderate size, but over the years has been restored and transformed. Like many of the elegant patrician villas along this section of the Adriatic, it combines modern technology with old-world charm.” He drove through the gates, past cypress trees and a fantastic maze. “It’s breathtaking. When you were little, your friends must have thought they’d died and gone to heaven when you invited them over to play.” His eyes gleamed with amusement as he looked at her through the rearview mirror. “I don’t know about that, but Dante and I enjoyed hiding out from the staff. Guests have been known to get lost in there.” “I don’t doubt it.” They continued on and wound around the fountain to the front entrance. Thrilled to see her mother come out the door and rush over to her side of the car, Belle hurriedly got out to meet her. They hugged for a long time. “Now I know last night wasn’t a dream.” Luciana cupped her face. “My dearest girl, do you think you could ever bring yourself to call me Mom? You don’t have to, but—” “I wanted to call you Mom last night,” Belle confessed. “Then it’s settled. Come on. Let’s get Concetta and go inside.” Belle looked around, to discover Leon had his daughter in his arms. “We’re eating on the terrace,” her mother announced. “I’ve got Concetta’s high chair set up.” Rufo ran ahead to where Sullisto stood in the elegant foyer. He sought out Belle with such a warm smile that she had to believe it was a sincere reflection of how he felt about her. It went a long way to dispel some of her fears for her intrusion in their lives. She felt Leon’s gaze. When she looked up, his gray eyes seemed to encourage her to embrace what was happening. Once she was inside, the palazzo’s sumptuous tapestries and marble floors left her speechless. Belle particularly loved the colonnade with its stained-glass windows. Leon explained that before the destruction in the war, they’d formed part of the chapel. After following the passageway, they came out to the terrace, where a veritable feast awaited them. But Belle couldn’t hold back her cry of wonder at the sunken garden below. Grass surrounded a giant black-and-white chessboard. Statues of Roman gods were placed in the odd squares, each depicting one of the twelve months of the year. “I’ve never seen anything like it! The whole estate is unreal.” Her gaze unconsciously flew to Leon’s. “To think this was your playground, growing up.” His eyes smiled back at her. “Come and sit by me, darling. Here are some pictures of your father.” Belle did her mother’s bidding. Her hands shook as she studied the half-dozen snapshots. “He looks so young and handsome!” She couldn’t believe she was gazing at her own father. “He was both. Keep those photos. I have more.” After studying them, Belle put them carefully in her purse. Over the delicious meal, she lost track of time, answering her mother’s questions about life at the orphanage. Then the subject turned to the Petersons. Sullisto shook his head. “I can’t understand why you weren’t adopted right off as a baby.” “I used to ask the sisters the same thing. They told me that because I was premature, I was very sickly. It seems I took a long time to get well, and was underdeveloped. My speech didn’t come until I was about four. By then, I was too old.” “Darling…” Luciana hugged her for a long time before she let Belle go. “It’s all right. I finally did get adopted, but I didn’t see love between Nadine and Ben. I guess somewhere deep down he cared for her, enough to go along with my adoption. But I wished I’d been placed in a foster home, so I could have left when things got difficult.” “You had no advocate?” her mom asked, sounding horrified. “Not after being adopted. But at one point I gathered enough courage to talk to her about it. She said she’d wanted me to feel like I belonged. Nadine had the right instincts, but there was too much wrong in their marriage, and I know for a fact they didn’t consult Cliff. He was so angry, I got out of the house the second I turned eighteen. As you know, they were killed in a car crash later on.” Her mother’s eyes had filled with sadness. “Where did you go, darling?” “I’d been scanning the classifieds and found a want ad for a roommate. I went to meet three single girls who’d rented part of an old house and could fit one more person. I told them that if they’d give me a month, I’d get a job and move in. Since I needed a cell phone, I applied for work at TCCPI and they hired me. That was my lucky day.” “Now she’s a manager,” Leon interjected. He’d just gotten up from the table to walk Concetta around. “In fact, the corporation is taking her in to the head office in New York City in two months.” Belle’s head flew back. “You didn’t tell me that earlier. You only said I was going to be promoted.” His features sobered. “I overstepped my boundaries when I contacted them, and didn’t want to give away all the surprises in store for you.” He’d surprised her again. “That’s wonderful!” Luciana exclaimed, but a look of pain had crossed over her face, belying her words. “Do you love your work?” Bemused by the question, Belle turned to her mother. She knew what she was really asking. They’d met only last evening. After finding her parent, the idea of separation was unthinkable to her right now, too. “I like it well enough. It’s been a way to earn a living, and they’ve been paying for me to go to college at night. Another semester and I’ll get my business degree.” “I’m so proud of you! Are you still living with roommates?” “Yes. It’s cheaper and I’ve been able to save some money.” Belle pulled the wallet out of her handbag and passed around some pictures of her friends. She had one photo of the Peterson family to show them. After studying the photos, Sullisto leaned forward. “I must admit I’m surprised you didn’t show us the picture of your latest love interest. Why aren’t you married? Are the men in America blind? Who’s the miserable man you’re driving crazy at the moment?” Belle laughed quietly. “I’ve been too busy with studies, along with trying to put my store on top, to get into a relationship.” “You sound like Leonardo,” he grumbled. “Concetta keeps me so occupied, there’s no room for anyone else.” She sensed a certain friction between him and his father. Belle happened to know how deeply enamored Leon was of his little girl. It surprised her Sullisto would touch on that subject, when he had to know his son was still grieving over his wife’s death. No wonder she’d detected an underlying trace of impatience in Leon’s response. Belle could only envy the woman who would one day come into his life and steal his heart. As she struggled with the possibility that he might always love Benedetta too much to move on, she heard footsteps in the background, and turned her head to see an attractive man and woman dressed in expensive-looking sport clothes walk out on the terrace. “Ah, Dante!” Sullisto got to his feet to embrace his son, who bore a superficial likeness to him and Leon. “We didn’t expect you until this afternoon,” he said in English. “You’ve arrived back from Florence just in time to meet our home’s most honored guest. Belle Peterson from New York? This is my son Dante, and his lovely wife, Pia.” Belle agreed Pia was charming, with amber eyes and strawberry-blond hair she wore in a stylish bob. They walked around and shook her hand before taking their places at the table. But already Belle felt uncomfortable, because Leon’s brother had seen her sitting next to Luciana, and had to have noticed the resemblance. He kept staring at them. So did his wife, who whispered something to him. Sullisto turned to his wife. “Cara? Why don’t you carry on from here?” Luciana cleared her throat and got to her feet. Belle’s gaze collided with Leon’s oddly speculative glance. She had the impression he didn’t know how this was going to play out, and she felt an odd chill go through her. “After all these years, my greatest dream has come true.” She reached for Belle’s hand and clung to it. “Years ago my father sent me to New York, because he thought I was in danger here. “You know the family history, but there are some things no one ever knew except your father, who loved me enough to marry me anyway. You’ll never know what that love did for me and how much I’ve grown to love him since then.” Her mother’s revelations brought moisture to Sullisto’s eyes and touched Belle to the depths of her soul. But as she saw a bewildered look creep over Dante’s face, the blood started to throb at her temples. “While I was there, I met a man from England named Robert Sloan, and we fell in love. When we found out we were expecting a baby, we planned to be married with or without my father’s permission. But Robert was killed in a hit-and-run accident. At the time I was convinced he’d been murdered, and it brought on early labor for me.” Dante looked like a victim of shell shock. As Luciana continued talking, he transferred his cold gaze to Belle. It reminded her of Cliff’s menacing eyes when his mother had first introduced them. That memory made her shrink inside as Luciana came to the end of the story. “Her real name is Arabella Donatello Sloan. She flew to Rimini this week to try and find me. If it weren’t for Leon, we would never have been reunited.” Dante turned to his brother. A stream of unintelligible Italian poured from his mouth. “Our guest doesn’t speak Italian,” Leon reminded him. For an instant his gray eyes trapped Belle’s as reams of unspoken thoughts passed between them. This was the crisis Belle had prayed wouldn’t happen. Sullisto intervened and in English told Dante how she’d researched the Donatello name until it came to Leon’s attention at the bank. “It’s an absolute miracle,” Luciana interjected. “It’s one that has brought me the greatest happiness you can imagine. Sullisto and I talked it over last night. We’re hoping she’ll decide to make her home here at the palazzo with all of us, permanently.” “Mom…” While Belle was still trying to absorb the wonder of it, Sullisto tapped his crystal goblet with a fork. After clearing his throat, he said, “We want to take care of you from here on out. Now that you’re united with your mother, we don’t want anything to keep you two apart.” He reached for Luciana’s hand. “I’m planning to adopt you, Arabella.” “Adopt?” Belle gasped. “I—I hardly know what to say—” Her voice caught. A smile broke out on his lips. “You don’t have to say anything.” Belle was so overcome with emotions sweeping through her, she hardly noticed that Dante had gotten to his feet. With one glance, she saw that he’d lost color. He stared around the table at all of them. The dangerous glint coming from those dark depths frightened her. “That’s quite a story. The resemblance between mother and daughter is extraordinary, thus dispensing with a DNA test,” he rapped out. His gaze finally fastened on Belle. “Welcome to the Malatesta family, Arabella. We truly do live up to our name, don’t we?” “Basta!” his father exclaimed. Belle knew what it meant. “Mi dispiace, Pap?,” he answered with sarcasm. “Now if you’ll excuse us, Pia and I have other things to do.” He strode off the patio with an unhappy wife in pursuit. “Don’t look alarmed,” Sullisto advised Belle the minute they were gone. “Your mother and I discussed it last night. There’s no right way to handle a situation like this. We didn’t expect them home until later, but since he walked in on us, we felt it was better to let Dante know up front. When he and Pia have talked about it, he’ll apologize for his bad behavior.” Belle got up from the table. “For you to welcome me into your home leaves me thrilled and speechless, but I’m afraid the shock of hearing your plan to adopt me was too great for Dante. I’m not so much alarmed as sad, Sullisto. It’s because my adoptive brother, Cliff, had the exact same reaction when Nadine brought me to their house from the orphanage. He was unprepared for it.” “But it’s not quite the same thing,” Sullisto impressed upon her. “You’re flesh of Luciana’s flesh. Dante is flesh of mine. Both of you are beloved to me and your mother.” His words touched her to the core. “The difference lies in the fact that Dante’s not a teenage boy. He’s a grown man who’s married, with expectations of raising a family of his own. Your being brought into the family has no bearing on his life except to enrich it.” “E-even so—” her voice faltered “—he has lived under your roof all his life and has sustained a huge shock that will impact your family and create gossip. If it’s all right with you, I would feel much better if the two of you had the rest of the day to be alone with him and his wife. They’re going to need to talk about this.” With an anxious glance at Leon, Belle implored him with her eyes to help her out of this, and prayed he got the message. “Since Concetta is ready for a nap, I’ll go back to the villa with Leon.” She leaned over to kiss her mother, then Sullisto. “Thank you for this wonderful morning. I don’t deserve the gift of love you’ve showered on me. You have no idea how much I love both of you. Call me later.” Leon had already lifted the baby from the high chair and was ready to go. They left the palazzo and she climbed in the back of the sedan to help him fasten Concetta in the car seat. Rufo hopped in and lay down. Belle kissed the baby’s nose. “You were such a good girl this morning, you deserve a treat.” She reached in her bag and pulled out her lipstick. The baby grabbed the tube and immediately put it in her mouth. It kept her occupied during the drive. If Belle hadn’t made the suggestion to escape, Leon would have insisted they leave the palazzo immediately. The shattered look on Dante’s face had revealed what Leon had always suspected. Like a volcano slowly building magma, his quiet, subdued brother had hidden his feelings beneath a facade. But today they had erupted into the stratosphere, exposing remembered pain and fresh new hurt. “When we get back to the villa, I’ll ask Talia to put the baby to bed so you and I can talk about what’s happened.” “I can’t bear that I’ve brought all this on. It’s disrupting your life and everyone else’s. I didn’t want to hurt Mother’s feelings by leaving so fast, but when I saw poor Dante’s eyes…” Belle buried her face in her hands. “You can be sure she and Pap? understood. Dante finally reacted to years of suppressed pain. His behavior wasn’t directed at you. It’s been coming on since the day our father told us he was getting married again.” “I feel so sorry for him.” So did Leon. He eyed her through the rearview mirror. “Do you have a swimming costume?” She blinked. “Yes.” “Good. When you’ve changed back at the house, meet me on the patio and we’ll go down to the beach. We both need to channel our negative energy into something physical.” Belle nodded. “You’re reading my mind again. A swim is exactly what I crave.” “In that case, you’ll want a beach towel. There are half a dozen on the closet shelf in the guest bathroom.” “Thank you.” The drive didn’t take long. When they entered the villa he showered his loving daughter with kisses before turning her over to Talia. Once upstairs in his room he changed into his black swimming trunks. His last task was to phone Berto and tell him he wouldn’t be coming in to work. Unless there was an emergency, Leon was taking time off until tomorrow. On his way out the door he grabbed a towel. It didn’t surprise him to find Belle in bare feet, waiting for him on the patio. The woman needed to talk. He could sense her urgency when their eyes met. She’d swept her hair on top of her head, revealing the lovely stem of her neck. As he was coming to learn, every style suited her. The pink earrings still winked at him. His gaze fell lower. He knew there was a bathing suit underneath the short, wispy beach jacket covering her shapely body. It was hard not to stare at her elegant legs, half covered by the towel she was holding. “I’m glad you suggested this, Leon. Like you, I’m anxious for some exercise before I lose it. Let’s go.” Lose it was right. Dante’s behavior at the table had cut like a knife. Together they descended the steps to the sand. She removed her jacket and threw it on top of her towel before running into the water. He caught only a glimpse of the mini print blue-and-white bikini, but with her in it he felt a rise in his own body temperature despite the sorrow weighing him down. “The sea feels like a bathtub,” she cried in delight while treading water. He decided it had been a good idea to come out here. They both needed the distraction. Her dark sapphire eyes dazzled him with light. He swam closer. “You’ve come to Rimini when the temperature is in the eighties.” “No wonder the city is a magnet for beach lovers. This is heaven!” For the next hour she kept her pain hidden. While she bobbed and dived, he swam lazy circles around her. Leon held back bringing up the obvious until they’d left the water and stretched out on their towels. He lay on his stomach so he could look at her. She’d done the same. Belle had no idea how much her innate modesty appealed to him. It didn’t matter how ruthlessly he tried to find things about her he didn’t like in order to fight his attraction. He couldn’t come up with one. “What’s going on in that intelligent mind of yours?” “Flattery will get you nowhere,” she said in a dampening voice, “especially when we both know you’ve been able to read me like a book so far.” He turned on his side. “Not this time.” She let out a troubled sigh. “I learned a lot after living with Cliff for those eight years. Whether justified or not, he felt betrayed by his parents. The family should have gotten professional counseling to help him. When I saw Dante’s expression, he reminded me so much of Cliff, I got a pain in my stomach.” “The news definitely shook him.” “It was more than that, Leon.” Slowly she sat up and looped her arms around her raised knees. “All I saw was the little boy who a long time ago fell apart at the loss of his mother. Your father said he’s a grown man now, with a wife, and can handle it, but I’m afraid Dante’s world has come crashing down on him again.” Leon nodded slowly. “If I don’t miss my guess, his turmoil came from the fact that Pap? wants to adopt you. Call it jealousy if you like. He and I suffered a great deal in our youth over his remarriage.” “Now he’s reliving it. He sees how devoted your father is to my mother. When he said he planned to adopt me, maybe you couldn’t see Dante clearly from where you were sitting, but his face went white.” “I noticed,” Leon muttered. “There’s no question her sin of omission has caught up with my brother.” In that moment he’d realized Dante had disliked Luciana perhaps even more strongly than Leon himself had years ago. But Dante had held back his feelings until this morning, when she’d revealed news about her secret baby. To make it even more painful, Belle had been sitting next to her mother at the table, bigger than life and more beautiful. “I can see only one way to stop the bleeding.” Her thoughts were no longer a mystery. He rolled next to her and grasped her upper arms. “You can’t go home yet—” That nerve in her throat was throbbing again. “I have to. Don’t you see? As long as I’m in Rimini, I’m a horrible reminder of his past. Mom and I have the rest of our lives to work things out. I have a career, Leon. In a few days I’ll be back at my job. She can fly to New York and visit me. If I leave, then there’ll be no gossip, and Mom’s secret will remain safe.” His jaw hardened. “There are two flaws in your argument. In the first place the damage has already been done to Dante. Secondly, now that you’ve been united with her, she won’t be able to handle a long-distance relationship. I’ve already learned enough to know a visit once every six weeks will never be enough for you, either. You can forget going anywhere,” he declared. Her chin trembled. He had the intense desire to kiss her mouth and body, but sensing danger, she eased away from him and got to her feet. “To remain in Italy for any length of time is out of the question. Don’t you see it will tear Dante apart? It’s not fair to him! He didn’t ask for this. None of you did, but he’s the one at risk of being unable to recover.” Leon stood in turn. “He’ll recover, Belle, but it’s going to take time.” “I don’t know. I keep seeing his face and it wounds me. I have to leave. As for the rest of this week, I couldn’t possibly stay at the palazzo while I’m here. That’s always been Dante’s home. My only option is to fly back to New York ASAP.” “No. For the time being you’re going to stay with me, where you’ll be away from Dante and yet still remain close to Luciana.” A small cry escaped Belle’s throat. She shook her head. “I…couldn’t possibly remain with you, and you know why. If I stay anywhere, it will be at a hotel.” Before he could think, she backed away farther. In a flash she’d gathered up her jacket and towel and darted across the sand to the steps leading to the villa. Long after she’d disappeared inside, Leon was still standing there trying to deal with a tumult of emotions regarding his brother. But he also had been gripped by unassuaged longings, and realized he had a serious problem on his hands. Just now he’d wanted to kiss Belle into oblivion. The chemistry had been potent from the first moment they’d met. Though Benedetta hadn’t been gone that long, Leon found an insidious attraction for Luciana’s daughter heating up within him. Like father, like son? Something warned him it could be fatal. How was that possible? If she’d sensed it, too, that could be the reason she’d run like hell. CHAPTER SIX (#ulink_4fe1f9cd-c742-55f2-a2a3-4dc9bac4500b) IN A PANIC over feelings completely new to her, Belle raced to her room and jumped in the shower to wash her hair. In getting what she’d wished for by finding her mother, her world and everyone else’s had been turned upside down. Nothing would ever be the same again and it was her fault! Since she turned eighteen she’d been leading her own life as a liberated adult, in charge of herself and her decisions. No matter the situation now, she refused to be a weight around Leon’s neck. Her roommates would tell her she was stark staring crazy to run from the situation. They’d kill for the chance to stay with a gorgeous widower in his fabulous Italian villa. What was her problem? Belle could only shake her head. What wasn’t her problem? When Leon had driven her away from the palazzo earlier, she’d left it in an emotional shambles. After trying so hard not to hurt anyone, she found out that every life inside those walls standing for hundreds of years had been changed because of her driving need to know who she was. Are you happy now, Belle? In a matter of minutes Dante’s life had been turned into a nightmare. She couldn’t live with herself if something drastic wasn’t done to staunch the flow of pain for him. But she couldn’t stay with Leon any longer, either. Through an accident of marriage, he was her stepbrother, for heaven’s sake! Yet she had to face the awful truth that her feelings for him were anything but sisterly. She could be arrested for some of the thoughts she’d been having about him. Just now on the beach, the ache for him had grown so acute she’d literally melted when he’d grasped her arms. It wouldn’t be possible to stay with him any longer and not act on her feelings for him. She finished blow-drying her hair and slipped on the only pair of jeans she’d brought, along with a khaki blouse. It was time to play tourist while she decided what she was going to do. Before leaving the room in her sneakers and shoulder bag, Belle dashed off a note, which she propped on the dresser. In it she explained she’d gone for a walk and would be back later. No one was about as she retraced her steps to the beach. It was the only way to leave his gated property. She hurried past a lifeguard tower. For all she knew, the guy on watch was one of Leon’s security people. But she wouldn’t worry about that now, because she’d reached the crowded public part of the beach. From there she entered one of the hotels. After taking a couple of free pamphlets printed in English from the lobby, she walked out in front to get a taxi. She told the driver where she wanted to go. In a few minutes he dropped her off at the ancient Tiberius Bridge. The leaflet said it was begun by the Emperor Augustus in AD 14, and completed under Tiberius in AD 21. It was a magnificent structure of five arches resting on massive pillars. Incredible to think that she was here in such a historic place, but she couldn’t appreciate it. Tormented because she didn’t know what she should do, Belle crossed the river to the city center to window-shop and eat a late lunch. The brochure indicated the Piazza Cavour was once the area of the fish and vegetable markets during the Middle Ages. It was fascinating information, but partway through her meal she lost interest in her food. Sightseeing hadn’t been a good idea and there were too many tourists. She decided to find a taxi and return to the villa. As she got up from the table, she almost bumped into Leon, who was pushing Concetta in her baby stroller. “Leon!” Belle cried in utter surprise. The sight of his tall, powerful body clothed in jeans and a white polo shirt took her breath. “Where did you come from?” A seductive smile broke out on his firm lips. Her gaze traveled to the cleft in his chin. The enticing combination was too much for her. “We’ve been following you.” Belle might have known Leon’s security people would keep him informed of her every step. In spite of knowing she’d been watched and followed, a rush of warmth invaded her. To offset it, she knelt down to give the baby kisses. “So that’s what you’ve been doing. Are you having a wonderful time?” Concetta kept smiling at her as if she really recognized her and was happy to see her. That sweet little face had a lock on Belle’s emotions. “When we found your note, we thought we’d join you.” No… To spend more time with him and the baby wasn’t a good idea. “I was just going to find a taxi and go back.” “Fine. My car is parked right over there on the side street.” Caving to the inevitable, Belle said, “May I push her?” “Go ahead, but you’ll have to dodge the heavy foot traffic.” She rubbed her hand over Concetta’s fine hair. “We don’t mind, do we, sweetheart.” As they navigated through the crowds toward his car, every woman in sight feasted her eyes on Leon. His black hair and striking looks compelled them to stare. Belle felt their envy when they glanced at her. She had to admit that if she’d been a tourist and had seen him with his little girl, she would have found him irresistible. There was nothing that captured a female’s attention faster than an attractive man out with his baby and enjoying it, especially this one. “On the way home we’ll stop by the Delfinario.” “That’s an intriguing word.” With half-veiled eyes, he helped her and Concetta into the backseat of the sedan. “I think you’ll be entertained.” “Is it animal, vegetable or mineral?” Leon burst into rich laughter. “You’ll get your answer before long.” Her heart went into flutter mode, something that had started happening only since she’d been in Leon’s company. He drove along the beach until they came to what appeared to be a theme park. After they got out he said, “I’ll carry Concetta. Come with me.” Belle followed him to a large, open-air pool. She spotted some mammals leaping out of the water. “Dolphins?” “S?, signorina. Delfino.” Leon paid the admission and found them two seats in the packed arena where they were performing. Belle could pick out a few familiar words spoken by the man narrating the show in Italian. She loved the sound of the language. The children in the audience were enraptured by the sight. “Look, Concetta!” Belle pointed to them. “Can you see the delfino?” The baby got caught up in the excitement and clapped her hands like the kids surrounding them. More enchanted by her reaction than by the remarkable tricks happening in the water with the trainers, both Leon and Belle laughed with abandon. After one spectacular feat, their eyes met and she flashed him a full, unguarded smile. Belle found it impossible to hold back her enjoyment in being here like this with the two of them, as if they were a family. It wasn’t until later, on their drive home, that she was brought back to reality, knowing she had a huge decision to make. “I think my little tesoro needs her dinner.” “Would you let me feed her and put her to bed?” Being with the baby brought Belle comfort, the kind she needed right now. “Of course. It will give Talia a break.” “Oh goody. Did you hear that, Concetta?” Belle was sitting next to her in the back of the sedan and kissed her half a dozen times. Once they arrived at the villa, Leon carried her in the kitchen to her high chair and got out the baby food for Belle. Another fun-filled half hour passed while the child ate and played with her food, smearing some of it on the traytop as well as herself. Laughter rumbled out of Leon. “I had no idea she could be this messy an eater.” “Most babies make a huge mess when you make a game out of eating. She’s so happy. Look at the way she beams at you, Leon. It’s the cutest thing I ever saw. But let’s be honest. She’s in need of a bath big-time.” “You took the words out of my mouth. Her little plastic tub is under the sink in the bathroom.” “I’ll get everything set up.” As Belle turned to leave the room, Concetta started to cry, causing Belle to turn around. “Oh, sweetie, I’m just going upstairs.” Leon darted her a piercing glance while he cleaned the baby off. “My daughter is already so crazy about you, she’s not going to want Talia’s attention.” Belle’s heart thudded. “I hope that’s not true,” she whispered. “See you in a minute, Concetta.” She hurried through the house and up the stairs to the nursery. Once she’d started filling the tub, she found the baby shampoo and a towel. “Leon?” she called out. “Everything’s ready!” “Here we come!” He breezed into the bathroom, carrying his daughter in the altogether and lowering her into the water. Concetta talked her head off and splashed water everywhere. “Already you’re a water baby, aren’t you, sweetheart? That’s a good thing, because you’ve got a swimming pool and the Adriatic right in your own backyard.” Leon grinned as he poured a little shampoo on her head. Belle massaged it in. “Are you having fun, my little brown-eyed Susan?” “What’s that?” Leon asked. His command of English was remarkable, but once in a while he could be surprised. “A yellow flower like a daisy with a center just like her incredible eyes.” He nodded. “The first time I looked into them, they reminded me of poppy throats.” Spoken like a father in love with his little offshoot. “They’re both apt descriptions. One day she’s going to grow up and drive all the Rimini ragazzi wild.” A burst of laughter broke from his throat. “Your knowledge of Italian is impressive. But let’s hope that eventuality is years away yet.” “I don’t know. They grow up fast.” Belle kissed the baby’s neck. “Are you having fun, sweetheart? I know I am.” Truly, she’d never had so much fun in her life. “That makes two of us,” Leon said in his deep voice. He made a wonderful father. If every child could be so lucky… Once the bath was over, she slipped a diaper on Concetta and Leon found a light green sleeper. “Here’s the bottle.” He handed it to her. “Would you like to give it to her?” “You know I would.” Belle sat down in the rocker with the baby and sang to her. So much playtime had made Concetta sleepy. Her eyelids drooped almost at once while she drank her formula. The long lashes reminded Belle of Leon’s. Before long the child stopped sucking and fell sound asleep. Leon watched as Belle put the baby down in the crib on her back. After they’d left the nursery he turned to her. “Now that we’ve got the evening to ourselves, I’m taking you out on the cabin cruiser so you can get a view of the coast from the water. It’s a sight you shouldn’t miss. The pier is a few steps down the beach, in the opposite direction from where you went earlier today.” “I figured the lifeguard was one of your security people, but he didn’t try to stop me.” Leon’s lips twitched. “While we’re out, I’d like to discuss something of vital importance with you. I’ve worked out a solution to our problem.” “So have I.” She was going home on Sunday as planned, with no interference from him. His black brows lifted in challenge, as if he could read her thoughts. “Then we’ll compare notes,” he said in an authoritative tone. His hauteur came naturally to him, because it was evident few people had ever dared thwart him. “Meet me on the back patio in twenty minutes. Bring a wrap. It will get cool later.” She nodded before hurrying downstairs to her room. She couldn’t imagine what kind of solution he’d worked out, and didn’t want to listen to him, not when Dante’s happiness was at stake. But she was a guest in Leon’s home and couldn’t forget her debt to him. It was one she could never repay. Without him acting on his uncanny instinct to follow through on her inquiry at the bank, she would have gone on searching for her mother in vain. The situation was untenable any way she looked at it. A tap on the door a few minutes later brought her head around. “Signorina?” Belle rushed over to open it and discovered Carla. “The Countess Malatesta phoned while you were bathing the baby. She would like you to call her.” The maid handed Belle a note with the phone number written on it. “Thank you, Carla.” After she left, Belle pulled the cell phone out of her purse and called her mother. Two rings and she answered. “Arabella?” It was still unbelievable to Belle that she was talking to the mother she’d ached for all her life. “Mom—I’m so glad you called. To hear your voice…it’s like a miracle to me.” “I was just going to tell you the same thing, darling. What have you done with your day?” Belle bit her lip. “I went sightseeing and Leon took me and the baby to see the dolphins. Then we fed her and bathed her. Now she’s just gone to sleep.” But Belle didn’t want to talk about Leon and the way he made her feel. Her mouth had gone so dry thinking about him, she could hardly swallow. “How’s Dante? I’ve been worried sick about him.” “To be truthful, we’ve been worried, too. They’ve stayed in their wing of the palazzo all day. Since they have their own entrance, they could have gone out without our knowing it. Sullisto and I thought we’d done the right thing to tell him the truth this morning…” Her voice trailed off. “I know my husband’s hurt by this.” Belle gripped the phone tighter. “If it’s any consolation, I don’t think it would have mattered when you told Dante. The outcome would be the same. Maybe tonight he’ll decide to talk to you, so I’m not planning to come over. Can we see each other tomorrow?” “That’s why I phoned you. I’ll pick you up in the morning and we’ll take a drive. I want to show you my world. We’ll talk and eat our heads off. How does that sound?” She smiled. “Like heaven.” “Let’s say eight-thirty.” “Perfect. I’ll be ready. I love you, Mom.” “I love you. Isn’t it wonderful to be able to say it to each other?” “Yes.” Oh yes. After they hung up, Belle threw herself across the bed and thought about the day Cliff had let her know she wasn’t wanted or loved. She’d been a child then, with a child’s reaction. But she was a woman now, and understood Cliff’s behavior, just as she understood Dante’s. In both cases Belle had been the one to bring on more suffering. This time she had the power to end it. When it was time to meet Leon, she grabbed her sweater and hurried down to the patio. She would listen to what he had to say, but it wouldn’t change her mind about leaving on Sunday. Leon knew something was up the minute he saw her. “What’s happened since you went downstairs?” he asked as they headed for the dock. “I just got off the phone with Mom. They haven’t seen Dante all day.” “My father told me the same thing a few minutes ago, but it isn’t surprising. His way is to hide out.” “What do you mean, his way?” Leon sobered. “There are things you don’t know.” She took a shuddering breath. “Well, I know one thing. My arrival in Rimini has hurt him.” “It’s not personal, Belle. I’m the one who has hurt him.” Her brows met in a frown as she looked at him. “How can you say that?” “Because it’s true. You saw and heard what happened at the table when Father said I was the one who made the reunion possible. Dante couldn’t handle it and blew up at me in Italian.” She shook her head. “The whole thing is tragic. Mom’s going to take me for a drive tomorrow. Maybe if Dante knows she’s out of the palazzo, he and your father will be able to talk.” “I don’t think so.” “Why do you sound so sure about that?” “Once we’re on board, I’ll explain.” Leon couldn’t let Belle go on thinking she was the cause of everything. He helped her climb over the side of the cruiser. After giving her a life jacket to put on, he undid the ropes and started the engine. They moved at a wakeless speed until they were past the drop-off before he opened it up. She knelt on the bench across from the captain’s seat, looking out to sea. “Is it always this placid?” “It is this time of evening. Much later a breeze will spring up.” “You weren’t exaggerating about the view. With the blue changing into darkness, all the lights twinkling along the shoreline make everything magical.” “Your eyes are the same color right now. Twilight eyes.” His words seemed to disturb her, because she turned around to face him. “You said you would tell me about Dante. Let’s talk about him.” She was a businesswoman who’d been fending off men’s advances for years and knew how to probe through to the marrow. He shut off the engine and lowered the anchor. After turning to her, he extended his legs. “When Dante and I lost our mother to cancer, he was ten and I eleven. For several years we were pretty inconsolable. Father had always been so preoccupied with business, she was the one who played with us and made life exciting. No one could be more fun. We could go to her with any problem and she’d fix it.” “You were blessed to have her that long.” “We were, but at the time all we could realize was that her death left a great void. Sometimes Benedetta saw me walking on the grounds and she’d join me with her dog. She wouldn’t say anything, but she was a comfort, and I found myself unburdening to her the way kids do. Unfortunately, Dante didn’t have that kind of a confidante. All he had was me, and I was a poor substitute.” “Don’t say that, Leon. Just having a sibling, knowing you’re there, makes such a difference. There were several siblings at the orphanage. They had a special bond without even talking. If you could discuss this with Dante, I’m sure he would tell you how much it meant to have a brother who understood what he was going through.” Leon studied her for a moment. “You have so much insight, Belle, there are times when I’m a little in awe of you. But you haven’t heard everything yet.” She smiled sadly. “I was the great observer of life, don’t forget. You’ve seen people like me before. We hover at the top of the staircase, watching everyone below, never being a part of things. But I eventually grew out of my self-pity. I had to!” “Look at you now, a successful businesswoman.” Belle leaned forward. “What happened to your relationship with Dante? I want to know. Was it terrible when your father told you boys he was getting married again?” The compassion in her eyes was tangible. “The truth?” She nodded. “We both felt betrayed.” “You poor things.” “To be honest, I couldn’t fathom him marrying anyone else. Our mom was a motherly sort, the perfect mother, if you know what I mean. She made everything fun, always laughing and lively, always there for us. “Her death brought a pall over our household. Dante came to my room every night and cried his heart out. I had to hold back my tears to try and help him.” “That’s so sad, Leon. I believe the heartache you two endured had to be worse than anything I ever experienced at the orphanage. To be so happy with your mother, and then have her gone…” He sucked in his breath. “Things got worse when Pap? brought Luciana to the palazzo to meet us. The diamond heiress looked young enough to be his daughter. In fact, she didn’t look old enough to be anyone’s mother. I found her cool and remote.” Belle’s heart twisted. “I can’t picture her that way.” “That’s because meeting you has changed her into a different person. At the time I hated her for being so beautiful. Anyone could see why she’d attracted our father. As you heard through the librarian, there’d been rumors that both Luciana’s mother and her widowed father might have been murdered.” Belle nodded. “Some of those rumors linked my father to the latter possible crime. I knew in my heart Pap? couldn’t have done such a thing, but I was filled with anger.” “Why exactly?” “Because I was old enough to understand that love had nothing to do with his marriage to her. He’d done what all Malatestas had done before him, and reached out to bring the Donatello diamond fortune under the far-reaching umbrella of our family’s assets. “Gossip was rife at the time. People were waiting to see if he produced another heir. It felt like he’d betrayed our mother, and I couldn’t forgive him. Dante felt the same way and threatened to run away.” “How terrible,” Belle whispered sadly. “I told him we couldn’t do that. But when we turned eighteen, we would leave. Until then we had to go along with things and deal with the ugly rumors surrounding the Donatello family. But I let him down when I made the decision to go away to college.” “You had to live your own life.” He raked his hair back absently. “This morning’s explosion lets me know I made a big mistake in leaving.” Pain stabbed his insides, forcing him to his feet. “What do you mean?” “I left Dante on his own to deal with his pain. I should have stayed and helped him, but I didn’t. Pap?’s marriage to a princess shrouded in gossip and mystery was so distasteful to me, I couldn’t get out of the palazzo fast enough. I could have gone to college in Rimini, but instead I went to Rome in order to get away. “During the years I was gone, Dante’s pain turned to anger. When I returned, he was involved with his own friends. I moved to the villa, one of the properties I inherited from our mother’s estate, and dug into business at the bank. Later on I began to spend more time with Benedetta. My brother and I had grown apart, but that was my fault.” Belle put a hand on his arm. At the first contact, tiny sensations of delight he couldn’t ward off spread through his body. “You couldn’t help what happened then,” she murmured. Leon looked down at her hand. “Oh yes, I could have, but I was too caught up in my own pain to reach out. Dante didn’t display any outward signs of rebellion, but obviously, he was riddled with turmoil once our father’s marriage was a fait accompli. I didn’t see it manifested until I came home from college.” “Didn’t your father try to prepare you for his marriage to my mother?” “No, but to be honest, if he had tried, it wouldn’t have done any good. Be assured I’ll always love my father, but there was a gulf between us. While I was gone I stayed in touch with him and Dante, even made a few short visits on holidays. But it was four years later before I returned to Rimini to live. “By that time Dante no longer shared his innermost thoughts with me. The closeness we once enjoyed seemed to have vanished for good. I’m afraid that for him, it was a hurt that never went away. “He married Pia Rovere, a distant relative from our mother’s side of the family. They chose to live in another wing of the Malatesta palazzo. That arrangement pleased my father and suited me, since I preferred living on my own at the villa.” “She’s lovely.” “And very good for Dante, I think. Since then the three of us work in the family banking business. Unfortunately, the relations between my father and me continue to be frayed because of my marriage to Benedetta.” Belle’s delicately arched brows met. “I don’t understand.” “When I married her, I did something no other Malatesta has done, and took a woman without a title for my wife. I made it clear I wanted nothing to do with such an archaic custom. My father has had no choice but to look to Dante to follow in his footsteps.” “Which he has done by marrying Pia, who’s from a royal house.” Again Leon frowned. “But now that Benedetta is gone, Pap? is counting on my marrying a titled woman he has in mind to be Concetta’s new mother. He’s made no secret about it. Every time he brings it up in front of Dante, which is often, I keep reminding him that even if I weren’t in mourning, I would never do as he wants. I’ve told him I’m not interested in marriage and only want to be a good father to my daughter.” Belle let out a troubled sigh. “Why do you think he’s so intent on it?” “Because I’m the firstborn son and the firstborn is supposed to inherit the title.” “In other words, he would prefer you to receive it over Dante.” “Yes. It isn’t that he loves Dante less, but he’s a stickler for duty. Luciana’s father was of that same ilk. It’s the one area where Father and I don’t get along.” “I’m surprised he didn’t forbid you to marry Benedetta.” “He did, but we got married in a private ceremony before he knew about it, and his hands were tied.” Belle studied him for a minute. “I’m sure you must miss your wife terribly. Tell me about her.” “I knew her from childhood. She was Dante’s age. Our mother was an animal lover. We spent hours at the kennel playing with the dogs. Benedetta was always there, helping her father. She’d lost her mother to pneumonia, and our mom took her under her wing. It was like having a sister.” “So your love for her was based on long-standing friendship first.” He nodded. “It wasn’t until several years after I returned from Rome that my feelings for her underwent a change.” “What happened?” “She worked for her father and had a Spinone who’d been her devoted pet for a long time. I happened to be at the palazzo one day in the fall when word came to us that her dog was missing. I knew how much she loved him, so I gathered some staff to go look for him. We found him shot dead by a hunter we presumed had trespassed on the property.” “What a dreadful thing to happen. I can’t bear it.” “Neither could I. When I saw him lying there, I felt like I’d been the one who’d received the bullet. Benedetta was so heartbroken, I didn’t think she’d recover. I dropped everything to be with her for the next week. We comforted each other. She’d always had a sweetness that drew me to her.” “You must have had a wonderful marriage.” “For the short time we were given, I was the happiest I’d ever been.” Leon heard Belle take a deep breath. “One day your daughter is going to love hearing about your love story.” After a slight hesitation, she added, “How hard for both of you to find out she had that disease. What was it like? I hope you don’t mind my asking.” For the first time since it happened, Leon felt like talking about it. “At first she grew very tired, and then suffered some hair loss. I came home from the office early many times to be with her, console her. After a while she couldn’t go out in the sun. As time passed, more symptoms occurred. She had painful swollen joints and fever, even kidney problems.” “That must have been so awful, Leon.” “I didn’t want to believe it would get worse. We prayed she’d get it under control, and were both looking forward to the baby. I never dreamed I’d lose her during the delivery. I was in shock for days.” “Of course. I’m so sorry. Did she suffer a long time?” “No, grazie a Dio.” “Then you received two blessings, one of them being your adorable daughter.” Belle shifted position and lowered her head. “How did you cope with a newborn?” “You’ve met Simona and Talia. They worked for my mother’s family and I trusted them implicitly. They fell in love with the baby and have been with me ever since. I couldn’t have made it without them.” “Did your father help?” “Yes. Everyone did what they could. Their love for Concetta brought us all a little closer together.” “Then you’d think that after a marriage like yours, and that sweet baby, your father would give up his futile desire and leave you alone to decide what you want from life.” Leon nodded. “That’s what a normal parent would do. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand what I’ve always been up against. The point is, I would never choose a woman of rank.” “Why do you feel so strongly about it? I’m curious.” “My parents were officially betrothed before they ever met each other. They made their arranged marriage work. From what I saw, they were kind and decent to each other, sometimes showing each other affection. But until Mother was dying, I didn’t know she’d loved another man and had to give him up.” His mother had told him something else, too. “I can’t begin to imagine it,” Belle was saying. “After realizing the sacrifice she’d made to marry for duty, I made up my mind that her situation wasn’t going to happen to me. When the time came, I proposed to Benedetta without hesitation.” Belle shifted restlessly in her seat. “I guess that meant your father had to sacrifice, too.” Leon nodded. “You know what’s interesting? The other night Father told me that when he asked Luciana to marry him, he said, ‘Naturally, it wasn’t like the feelings I had for your mother, but then you can’t expect that.’” “So what do you think he was really saying?” “That he was still trying to protect me by pretending he’d loved our mother, but I knew it wasn’t true. They were never in love with each other. Do you want to know something else?” Her eyes fastened on him, revealing her concern in the reflection of the cruiser’s lights. “I think the real truth is he fell deeply in love with Luciana, enough to overlook everything in order to make her his wife.” After a slight hesitation, Belle said, “I’m pretty sure she has learned to love him, too. The way she talked to him at the table convinces me they are very close.” “So close, in fact, he wants to adopt you to make her completely happy.” “He mustn’t do that…” Her features screwed up in pain. “Think of the damage it would do to Dante. I can’t handle that. You’ve got to stop him, Leon!” Her reaction was even more than he’d hoped for. “I agree, and I’ve thought of a foolproof plan. I failed my brother when I went away to college in Rome, but this will be a way to atone for my sins.” “What can you do?” she cried. “Tell me.” “It involves your cooperation, but it has to be so convincing to everyone, and I mean everyone, no one will believe it’s not true.” Determination filled her gaze. “I’ll do anything.” “I hope you mean that.” “I swear it. Since Dante left the table, I’ve been dying inside.” Leon reached out to squeeze her hand before letting it go. “First you have to phone your boss and tell him you need to take family leave. Let him know you’re in Italy visiting the mother you were just reunited with. Tell him an emergency has arisen that prevents you from returning to work Monday. They have to give you the time off.” Leon heard her take several short breaths in succession. “I…suppose that could be arranged, especially when I’ve never asked for it before.” “Bene.” He checked his watch. “Now would be the perfect time to reach him at work.” He handed her his phone. “Once you’ve talked to him, you’ll be able to concentrate on our plan.” “I don’t know what it is yet.” “Before I say anything else, we need to know if everything’s all right for you to stay in Rimini. If not, I’ll have to come up with another plan. While you do that, we’ll head back to shore.” He raised anchor and started the engine. The sound prevented him from hearing much of her conversation. By the time they reached the dock, she’d finished the call. While he tied up the cruiser, he gave her a covert glance. “What’s the verdict?” “I couldn’t believe he was so nice. He said for me to take all the time I needed. Not to worry.” “Eccelente.” One roadblock removed. Belle handed him the phone and took off her life jacket, which he stowed away under the bench. She replaced it with her sweater. “When are you going to tell me the plan?” “I don’t know about you, but I could use some coffee. Let’s go up to the villa and check on Concetta. Then we’ll have the rest of the night to talk everything out.” “I admit coffee sounds good. It’s getting cooler.” He helped Belle step onto the dock and they made their way back in silence. They might not be touching, but the sensual tension between them was palpable. Talia saw them in the hall and told him Concetta was sleeping like an angel. Before heading for the kitchen, he and Belle went upstairs and tiptoed into the nursery to take a peek. Suddenly, both of them chuckled, because the baby was sitting up in the crib. She saw them in the doorway and started fussing. “It looks like she was waiting for you to say good-night,” Belle whispered. Leon crossed the room to pick her up and hug her. His heart dissolved when his child kissed him and patted his cheeks. “She adores you, Leon.” The sound of her voice brought his daughter’s head around. To their surprise she reached for Belle, who caught her in her arms. “Are you going to give me a kiss good-night, too? How lucky can I be? I love you, sweetheart.” She walked her around the room. “I wish Concetta knew what I was saying, Leon.” “She doesn’t need to understand English to know what you mean,” he murmured in a satisfied voice. “Is that true?” Belle kissed her again. In the intimacy of the darkened room his daughter clung to her as if she were her mother. It added substance to an idea that had been building in his mind since the first time Belle had picked her up. He’d planned to talk to her after they’d gone back downstairs for coffee, but his little girl had unexpectedly chosen the place and the moment for this conversation. “Since she’s not ready to go to sleep yet, I’ll tell you my plan now. We need to get married right away to prevent my father from adopting you.” CHAPTER SEVEN (#ulink_5fc8d386-251f-5930-bf68-1559bb322ceb) BELLE LET OUT a laugh that filled the nursery. She stood in front of Leon with the baby’s head nestled against her neck. “Right away? As in…” “Tomorrow.” “I didn’t know it was possible,” she mocked. “I have a friend in high places.” “Naturally. So that’s the solution to all our problems? From the man who’s still grieving for his wife and never intends to marry again?” Leon couldn’t help smiling. “It’s even stranger, considering that I’ve proposed to a woman who has declared marriage isn’t an option for her.” Belle patted Concetta’s back. “All right. Now that you’ve gotten my attention, let’s hear what’s really on your mind.” “You just heard it.” “Be serious, Leon.” He shifted his weight. “When you allow it to sink in, you’ll discover it makes perfect sense. Our marriage will make it unnecessary for the adoption to take place, because you’ll be my wife, mistress of our household, mother to my child.” His words caused Belle to clutch his little girl tighter. “Concetta’s tiny eyelids are fluttering, on the verge of sleep. That’s how comfortable she is with you. She needs a mother, Belle. I’ve been blind to that reality for a long time. But seeing her with you is so right. Just now I heard you tell her you loved her. That came from your heart, so don’t deny it.” Belle could hardly swallow. “I’m not denying it.” “If we marry, there’ll be two desired outcomes, both of them critical. First, our marriage will enable you to have the full relationship you deserve with your mother for the rest of your lives, without moving into the palazzo. We both know that’s Dante’s territory and should remain so.” She hugged the baby closer. “Secondly, it will prevent any more machinations on my father’s part to see me married to the titled woman he’s picked out for me. After all, who could be a more fitting bride than his wife’s daughter? The beauty of it is that I’ll be the one who takes care of you, not my father.” In a furtive movement, Belle walked over to the crib and tried to put the baby down. But Concetta wasn’t having any of it and started crying again, so she picked her back up. “You need to go to sleep, little love.” A satisfied smile curled Leon’s lips. “She doesn’t want to leave your arms. It convinces me my daughter has bonded with you in a way she hasn’t done with anyone else but me. You have to realize how important that is to me. She’s been my world since Benedetta died.” “I’m very much aware of that.” “When I told Father I would never marry again, I meant it at the time. How could I ever find a woman who would be the kind of mother to Concetta that my mother was to me and Dante? But your arrival in Rimini has changed all that.” Belle buried her face in the baby’s neck to shield herself from his words. “Tonight I watched my daughter reach for you. With the evidence before my eyes, I know that with you as my wife, she’ll have a mother who will always love her. I know how much you care for her already. I’ve seen the way you respond to her. It’s the same way Luciana responds. Like mother, like daughter.” Belle kissed the little girl’s head. “As long as we’re having this absurd conversation, there’s one thing you haven’t mentioned.” “You’re talking about love, of course. Since we both made a conscious decision not to marry, before we met, we won’t have that expectation. But there’s desire between us, as we found out yesterday. Which is vital for any marriage. “Furthermore, we’ve become friends, who both love our families. Between us we can turn all the negatives into a positive, in order for you to be with your mother and calm Dante’s fears.” Leon moved closer. “Nothing has to change for you. Talia will continue to be Concetta’s nanny. If the bank backs a new TCCPI outlet in Rimini, you’ll be installed as the manager and can go on working.” “I guess it doesn’t surprise me you could make that happen,” she muttered. “Let me make myself clear. I’d do anything to give my daughter a life that includes a mother and a father.” Leon’s voice grated. “Your journey to Italy to find your mother has convinced me you’d do anything to be close to her. If a career you’ve carved out for yourself will keep you here, then you can be a mother, have your career and stay near Luciana. Won’t that be worth it to you?” Belle shook her head. “I can’t believe we’re having this conversation. But for the sake of argument, what you’re suggesting is that we enter into an arranged marriage.” He reached for Concetta and put her back in the crib. This time she didn’t cry, but she held on to his finger. “Yes, but one in which we haven’t been pressured by anyone. I realize I can’t compete with your roommates for the companionship you enjoy with them, but I’m not so bad. We had fun watching the dolphins, didn’t we?” “That question doesn’t require a response. What you’re suggesting is ludicrous.” “Now you have some idea of how my parents must have felt when they had to enter into an arranged marriage. At least with you and me, we’ve both felt the fire. How long it lasts is anyone’s guess. But if nothing I’ve said has made any difference in how you feel, then it appears the only alternative is for you to go back to your life in New York.” What life was that? Leon lifted his head to appraise her. “While I stay with Concetta until she’s asleep, why don’t you go down to the kitchen and have that coffee you wanted? I’ll join you shortly and you can give me your definitive answer.” “You think it’s that simple?” He grimaced. “No. I only know that we can’t change what has happened, and a decision has to be made one way or the other.” “Like I said, I shouldn’t have come to Italy.” “It’s too late for regrets, and we’ve already had this conversation. The only thing to do is move forward. Just be aware that whether you stay here or go back to the States, my father plans to adopt you. He’s been so eager to do it, only time will tell how that hurt has affected Dante. His relationship with our father and Luciana has been rocky at times.” “I don’t want him hurt.” “Neither do I.” Leon lifted his brows. “If you can think of a better way than marriage to prevent more pain from happening and still be close to your mother, I’ll be the first one to listen.” “I’ll go to your father and beg him not to do anything.” “It won’t do you any good, Belle. On certain issues, my father is adamant. Where your mother is concerned, this is the gift he wants to give her, and no amount of tears or cajoling will change his mind.” “Not even for Dante’s sake?” “I’m afraid not. You heard my father. Dante’s a grown man and should be able to handle it.” Belle was frantic. “You can’t really mean what you’ve been saying…” “Why do you think I married Benedetta in the dark of night?” he countered. Belle’s head jerked back. “But it’s a feudal system!” “I’ve been fighting it all my life.” At this point she was pacing the floor. Finally she stopped and turned to him. “What would we tell our parents? We’ve known each other only a few days.” “We’ll tell them it was love at first sight. They won’t be able to say anything. I happen to know Pap? fell for Luciana the minute he met her. He’d never known a love like that with my mother.” Belle pressed her lips together. “It’s so sad about your parents.” “They managed, but it’s past history now. I can’t speak for Luciana, but she must have had strong feelings for my father in order to get married again so soon after losing the man she’d first loved.” “You’re really serious about this, aren’t you.” “Serious enough that I’ve been on the phone with our old family priest, who married everyone in our family. He stands ready with a special license to officiate at the church tomorrow morning. All you’ll need to provide is your passport. My staff will be our witnesses.” Belle stared blindly into space. “I was supposed to go out for the day with Mom….” “Call her and tell her there’s been a change in plans. Promise her I’ll drive you to the palazzo later in the morning. When we arrive with Concetta, hopefully Dante and Pia will be there, so we can make the announcement of our nuptials in front of everyone.” “You don’t just get married like this—” “Most normal people don’t. But we happened to be born to a mother and father with unique birthrights, who are married to each other, thus complicating your life and mine. With our marriage taking place, the idea of my father wanting to adopt you will fade, and take the sword out of Dante’s hand. It might even improve our relationship. Much more than that, I can’t promise. Only time will tell.” Belle edged away from him. “This is all moving too fast.” “The situation demands action. Father believes you’re going back to New York on Sunday. When he announced he was planning to adopt you, I knew it meant he’d already been in touch with his attorney. He’ll want your signature on the adoption papers before you leave. When he makes a decision, he acts on it before you can blink.” “You’re a lot like him.” “Is that a good or a bad thing?” “Please don’t joke at a time like this, Leon.” Concetta had finally fallen asleep. He walked across the room to Belle. Reaching in his pocket, he pulled out a ring. She stared at the plain gold band. “What are you doing?” He took her left hand in his. “Your engagement ring. Tomorrow it will be the wedding ring of Signora Arabella Donatello Sloan di Malatesta.” Belle pulled her hand away before he could put it on her. “I haven’t agreed to anything.” He stared at her through shuttered eyes. “Then in the morning all you have to do is tell me you don’t want it, and we won’t talk of it again.” “Leon—you can’t do this to me!” “Do what? Offer to marry you so I can give you my name and protection? Help you to enjoy the mother you never knew? Give you the opportunity to be a mother to my daughter, who’s already welcomed you into her life?” “You know what I mean!” Belle cried. “Don’t you think I’d like to make up to you for the years of emotional deprivation? For the cruelty you received at your stepbrother’s hands?” he demanded. “Don’t you know your existence has changed destiny for all of us?” His words scorched her. She wished to heaven she had someone to talk to. Ironically, now that she’d found her mother, she couldn’t go to her. Not about this. It was worse than getting caught in the maze she’d seen earlier on the palazzo grounds. “What do you get out of this?” “I thought you understood. The most remarkable mother in the world for my daughter, and a possible chance to win back my brother’s affection. When Benedetta became so ill, she begged me that one day I’d find happiness with someone else. At the time I didn’t want to hear it, but she was right. Life has to go on. Our marriage will be a start along that path. Until you flew into my world, I didn’t know where to begin.” Belle couldn’t take any more. “I’m going to say good-night.” Without hesitation she bolted from the nursery and flew down the stairs to her bedroom. For the rest of the night she tossed and turned, going over every argument in her mind. Could she really enter into a marriage when she knew Leon’s heart had died after losing his wife? Belle couldn’t hope to compete with her memory, but he wasn’t asking for love. He wanted her to be Concetta’s mother. It was probably the only area in Belle’s life where she felt confident. If she had that little baby for her very own, she could pour out all the love she had to give. Belle could be the kind of mother to Concetta she’d dreamed of having herself. Leon wanted her to be his baby’s mother. That had to mean something, didn’t it? He was the most marvelous man. To think he trusted her with his prized possession! Even if she was a virgin who’d had no experience with men, she could do the mothering part right. Maybe their marriage would help heal the wound between Leon and his family. Marriage to him would ensure a close relationship with Belle’s mother for the rest of their lives. But what if Leon met another woman and fell in love? Belle knew the answer to that: it would kill her. But would their union be so different from the many marriages where one of the partners strayed? It was a fact of life that millions of married men and women had affairs. There were no guarantees. By the time morning came, she’d gone back and forth so many times she was physically and emotionally exhausted. But one thing stood out above all else. The thought of going back to her life in New York seemed like living death…. It was a beautiful, warm summer Saturday morning for a wedding in Rimini. In a veil and a white silk and lace wedding dress of her dreams, Belle stepped out of the bridal shop with Leon. They walked to his car where her bouquet lay on the backseat. He’d thought of everything. Belle heard the church bells of San Giovanni before they arrived. Though it was much more ornate than the church attached to the orphanage in Newburgh, Belle had the same sense of homecoming once Leon ushered her inside the doors. Church had always been her one place of comfort, whether she’d been at the orphanage or the Petersons’. Except that this morning she was to be married to the dark prince of Rimini, as she’d first thought of him. Nothing seemed real. He’d pinned a gardenia corsage to her linen suit before they’d left the villa. In the lapel of his midnight-blue silk suit, he wore a smaller gardenia. Belle could smell the fragrance she would always associate with being a bride, but she couldn’t seem to feel anything. It was as if she were standing outside her body. Leon’s staff came in a separate car. They followed them down the aisle to the shrine in front, where the old priest was waiting in his colorful vestments. Talia carried the baby, who so far was being very good, and looked adorable in a white lace dress and white sandals with pink rosettes. The priest clasped both of Belle’s hands and welcomed her with a broad smile. “Princess Arabella?” She almost fainted at being addressed that way. “You look like your mother did when I married her and the count,” he explained in heavily accented English. “Leonardo has advised that I perform this ceremony in English. Are you ready?” “We are.” Leon answered for them in his deep voice. “If the witnesses will stand on either side.” Talia and Simona stood on Leon’s right. He kissed his daughter, who kept making sounds. Carla stood on Belle’s left. “Arabella and Leonardo, you have come together in this church so that the Lord may seal and strengthen your love in the presence of the church’s minister and this community. Christ abundantly blesses this love. In the presence of the church, I ask you to state your intentions. Have you come here freely and without reservation to give yourselves to each other in marriage?” Without reservation? Belle panicked, but she said yes after Leon’s affirmative response. “Will you love and honor each other as man and wife for the rest of your lives?” That wasn’t as difficult to answer. Belle did honor him. He was the one responsible for finding her mother. And there were many things about him she loved very much. The way he loved his daughter melted her heart. “Will you accept children lovingly from God, and bring them up according to the law of Christ and His church?” That was a question Belle hadn’t been expecting. But how could she say no when she’d just admitted to coming here freely to give herself in marriage? She said a faint yes, but didn’t know if the priest heard her. “Take her hand, figlio mio.” Leon’s grasp was warm against her cold fingers. He rubbed his thumb over her skin to get the circulation flowing. That she felt. “Repeat after me. I, Leonardo Rovere di Malatesta, take you, Arabella Donatello Sloan, to be my wife. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.” The next few moments were surreal for Belle, who could hear the words of the ceremony uttered by the priest, and their own responses. Concetta’s baby talk provided a background. Blood pounded in Belle’s ears when he said, “You have declared your consent before the church. May the Lord in His goodness strengthen your consent and fill you both with His blessings. What God has joined, men must not divide. Leonardo? You have rings?” Oh no. Belle didn’t have one for him. “We do.” “Lord, may these rings be a symbol of true faith in each other, and always remind them of their love, through Christ our Lord. Leonardo?” Belle watched him pull the gold band out of his pocket. “Put it on her finger and repeat after me. Take this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.” It was really happening… Leon reached in his pocket again and pulled out his signet ring to hand to her. The priest said, “Arabella? Repeat after me. Take this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity. In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.” After saying the words, she was all thumbs as she put it on the ring finger of Leon’s left hand. He’d removed his own wedding band. How hard that must have been, after the love he’d shared with Benedetta. While she was still staring at his hand incredulously, Leon put a finger under her chin and tilted her head so he could kiss her. “We’ve done it, Belle. You’re my wife now,” he whispered against her lips. “Thank you for this gift only you could have given, to help me raise Concetta. For that you will always have my undying devotion.” When his mouth covered hers, it was different from a husband’s kiss. She didn’t know what she’d expected, but it was more like a sweet, reverent benediction. Quickly recovering from her surprise, she whispered back, “Then we’re even, because you’ve given me the gift of my mother and your precious daughter.” By now Concetta was making herself heard and getting wiggly. Belle saw Leon reach for her, and with a triumphant cry hug her in his strong arms. The staff huddled around Belle with moist eyes to congratulate her. Their well-wishing was so genuine she was moved by their warm welcome as Leon’s new wife. Over their heads she looked at the baby. Leon caught her glance and brought Concetta over for Belle to hold. The child came to her with a sunny smile. Belle’s eyes closed tightly as she drew her close. This precious little girl was her daughter now! It was unbelievable. The priest stood by with a smile, patting Concetta’s head. “The bambina now has a beautiful new mamma.” He made the sign of the cross over both of them. “Thank you, Father.” They all moved out to the vestibule, where the priest asked them and the witnesses to sign the marriage document. With their signatures on it, everything was official. Leon took the baby from Belle, but as she leaned over the table to take her turn, two petals from her corsage fell on the paper. She looked around and discovered another petal still in Concetta’s hand. “She has the same sleight of hand as her pap?. She’ll need watching,” Belle murmured. His eyes gleamed molten silver. No man should be so handsome. Her hand shook as she wrote her signature. When it was done, she noticed the others were gone except for Leon. He rolled up the marriage certificate and put it in his pocket. “Talia carried the baby out to our car. Shall we go, Signora Malatesta?” Belle wondered if she would ever get used to her new name. He walked her outside to the church parking area. “I looked up the meaning of your name in the library the other day, Leon. I knew mal meant bad, but found out testa meant head.” They’d reached the sedan where Talia had put the baby in the car seat. She was standing by the rear fender. “If it meant bad people headed your family, then it had to have been a long time ago, because I’ve known nothing but good from your hands and your father’s. I just wanted you to know that I’m proud to bear your name.” Some emotion turned his eyes a darker gray. “I’ll cherish that compliment. Thank you.” He helped her into the backseat next to Concetta, who was biting a plastic doughnut. Rufo lay at her feet, guarding her. Before Leon stood up, he planted a swift kiss on Belle’s mouth, then shut the door. While he walked Talia to the car where the others were waiting, Belle ran a finger over her lips. He was her husband. She needed to get used to this, but every time he touched her, she went up in flame. In a minute he came back to the sedan. Once he was behind the wheel they drove away from the church. With the palazzo their next destination, Belle’s thoughts darted to his family and their reaction when they heard the news. Her heart ached for Leon. Though they both hoped the announcement of their marriage would help the situation with Dante, she knew her husband had been in pain over him for years. He had to be anxious right now. “Leon?” she called to him in a burst of inspiration. He’d been glancing at her and the baby through the rearview mirror. “Are you all right? You look worried.” “I am, because I have an idea, but I don’t know how you’ll feel about it.” “I won’t know until you tell me.” Uh-oh. He was on edge. She could feel it. “The other day Mom told me Dante and his wife have their own entrance into the palazzo.” “That’s right. They live in the other wing.” Her lungs constricted. “What would you think if we drove around to it first and dropped in on them, unannounced and unexpected? Under normal circumstances Dante would be the first person you’d run to with our news. “Why don’t you treat him that way instead of going through your parents? The element of surprise will catch him off guard, and might even please him if he realizes your parents don’t know yet. It’s worth trying—that is, if they’re home.” For a long time Leon didn’t say anything. “I don’t know what they do with their Saturdays,” he muttered. Belle got excited when she heard that. “Then let’s find out. What’s the worst he can do? Slam the door in our faces while we’re standing there with Concetta? I finally faced Cliff and look what happened!” In the mirror, Leon’s eyes flashed silver fire. “I believe you’ve got a warrior in you. If you’re willing, I think your idea is rather brilliant.” “Grazie,” she said in lousy Italian. “First thing we’re going to do is get you a tutor.” She laughed out loud. Miraculously, he joined her. It was the release they needed. When they entered the estate, he kept driving past the courtyard and on around to the other end. Belle saw a red sports car parked outside the entrance. Pia’s car was missing. That meant Dante was home alone. If Belle’s suggestion was going to work, then it was better Pia had gone somewhere. Leon pulled to a stop. By the time he’d gotten out, Belle had already alighted from the car with the baby in her arms. There was no hesitation on her part. Rufo rubbed against Leon’s legs as they walked to the door. When the boys were young, they had their own knock for each other. Rather than use the buzzer, Leon did what he used to do, then waited. Belle glanced at him. “Try it again.” He would have, but suddenly the door opened. To say that a disheveled Dante, clad in sweats, was shocked to see him and his entourage was probably the understatement of all time. “Sorry to burst in on you like this, but I wanted you to be the first to know.” Dante squinted at him through eyes as dark a charcoal as their father’s. “What in the hell are you talking about?” “Belle and I just got married. We’ve come straight from the church.” “Be serious.” “I’ve never been more serious in my life.” A look of bewilderment crossed his face. “I thought you were still grieving over Benedetta.” Leon nodded. “I’ll never forget her, but then something amazing happened when I met Belle. Pap? is in for a shock when I tell him. You and I both know he has several women lined up, and expects me to marry one of them, but I could never do what he wants. I’ve never believed in titles.” A full minute passed before his brother said, “He’ll tell you to annul your marriage.” “Not when he learns we fell in love the moment we met and haven’t been separated since. I couldn’t let her go back to New York tomorrow.” Dante took the scroll from him and unrolled it. After studying it he said, “But to marry Luciana’s daughter…” His eyes darted to Belle, who was entertaining the baby. “We’ve never talked about it before, but I’m convinced the same thing happened to Pap? when he met Luciana.” Dante swallowed hard. “I figured that much out when I got a little older. Pap? never loved Mamma that way,” he muttered. “No,” Leon whispered, glad his brother had come to the same conclusion. “That’s why it hurt us so damn much when he got married that fast.” “It did that, all right.” Clearing his throat, Leon said, “There’s something I’ve been needing to say for a long time. I hurt you when I went to school in Rome. I shouldn’t have left you, but I was in so much pain, I thought only of myself. I’m hoping one day you’ll be able to forgive me.” Dante eyed him with soulful eyes, an expression he hadn’t seen since they were teenagers, but he had no words for him. Fresh pain consumed Leon. As Belle had said, it was worth a try. He took the certificate from him. “We’re going to go tell the parents now. It would be nice if you were there for a backup. You know how Pap? feels when he sees either of us let our emotions overrule what he considers our duty. If he can’t handle this, then Belle and I will be moving to New York with the baby.” An odd sound came out of Dante. “You’d go that far?” “For my wife and daughter, yes.” He reached out and grasped his brother’s shoulder. “Thanks for answering the door. I purposely gave it our special knock to give you the chance to open it or not. Despite what you might think, you always were and always will be my best friend.” He turned to Belle and took the baby from her. “Come on, my little bellissima. We’ll walk around to the other end of the palazzo and enjoy this wonderful day.” CHAPTER EIGHT (#ulink_ad5ff299-e49d-5f36-92be-0a0efefd3b82) “JUST A MINUTE, Leon. I need to grab her diaper bag.” When they were out of hearing range, Belle caught up to him. “No matter what happens, you spoke your piece and your brother knows you love him. It’s up to him now.” Leon grasped her hand and squeezed her fingers. “That’s what has me worried. Don’t forget he’s a Malatesta.” “Have you forgotten I’m proud to be married to one? Remember something else. He didn’t slam the door in your face, either. That has to count for something.” Leon had married an angel. “Are you ready to face the parents?” She nodded. “Be honest. You are a little worried about their reaction.” “You’re wrong, Belle.” “Then what’s the matter?” His bride was highly perceptive, but he couldn’t tell her the truth yet. He knew the reasons she’d entered into this marriage, but she didn’t know all of them. When she found out, that was what he was worried about. “Your life hasn’t been like anyone else’s. Not even your wedding day could be like anyone else’s. I—” “There you are!” Luciana called to them, cutting off the rest of what he was going to say. “I saw your car pull around the drive, but you were so long I came to see what was going on.” Belle ran to meet her mother and they hugged. “Leon wanted to talk to Dante for a minute.” “That was an awfully long minute, when I’ve been waiting for you. Sullisto went to the bank this morning, but he’ll be home any second.” They both gravitated to the baby. “Look at that outfit she’s wearing! Where have you been?” “To church,” Belle answered with her innate honesty. “We were there quite a while. She needs a diaper change and a bottle.” Leon carried Concetta into the house, deciding it was the perfect segue for what was coming. He handed her over when Belle reached for her, and all three females disappeared into one of the guest rooms, while he wandered around the living room, looking at the many family pictures. There was an eight-by-ten that he particularly loved—his mother on her knees in the garden. She wore a broad-rimmed hat and was planting a rosebush. Flowers were her passion. So were her two boys. She’d poured out all her love on them. In the process she’d spoiled them, but Leon could never complain. His childhood had been idyllic. That’s what he wanted for Concetta. He knew Belle would love her forever. He picked up the framed photo. “Mamma? I wish you were here today. You’d love Belle the same way you loved Benedetta.” When he heard voices, he put it back and looked across the room at the stunning picture of the three women in his life. They sat down on one of the couches while Belle fed the baby. “I know she’s so good, but I’m surprised you took her to Mass,” Luciana said. Belle flashed him a signal. He took the chair closest to the couch and pulled it around. “Not Mass. We arranged a private meeting with Father Luc.” “Why?” “This morning your daughter did me the honor of becoming my wife.” He drew the certificate out of his pocket and handed it to Luciana. “Last night we talked everything over. I asked her to marry me, so she wouldn’t go back to New York and meet some other man. As you can see, Concetta is already crazy about her.” With tear-filled eyes, Luciana looked at Belle. “I only want to know one thing. Do you love him? Because if you don’t, darling…” Leon knew what Luciana was asking. She was married to a man who’d done his duty with Leon’s mother, but the personal fulfillment hadn’t been there. The mother in Luciana didn’t want that for Belle. “It’s all right, Mom,” she said with a gentle laugh. “When I first met Leon, I thought of him as the dark prince of Rimini. He frightened me, but he also thrilled me.” Her half lies thrilled him. “I can understand that,” Luciana murmured. “He has a lot of his father in him.” “I tried not to be attracted, but that flew out the window, because we’ve spent hours and hours together. Then I met Concetta. The three of us had such a wonderful time watching the dolphins we didn’t want it to end, did we?” She kissed his daughter’s forehead. “We saw a lot of daddies there, but none of them had your daddy’s way.” “Leon has been a remarkable father.” Luciana’s comment made him feel more ashamed of his prior behavior toward her. “But I guess I didn’t know how deeply I felt about him until he told me he wanted to marry me,” Belle went on. “The thought of turning him down and flying back to New York was too devastating to contemplate. I felt the same pain at the thought of leaving you, after having just found you.” In the next breath Luciana jumped up from the couch. First she threw her arms around Belle and the baby, then Leon. “I’m so happy with this news, I can hardly contain it.” Leon’s gaze fused with his wife’s. If Belle had any doubts about their marriage being the right thing to do, they were wiped away by her mother’s joy. “Your father shouldn’t have left. Why isn’t he home yet?” Leon had a hunch he’d been meeting with his attorney about the adoption. While he was thinking about that, they had a visitor. To his shock, his brother entered the living room, in jeans and a sport shirt, showered and shaved. “I just got off the phone with him.” Who called whom? “He’ll be here in a minute.” Dante eyed Leon. “Don’t worry. I didn’t spoil your surprise.” He moved over to Belle and hunkered down in front of her. The baby had fallen asleep against her shoulder. “Belated congratulations. I would have invited you in earlier, but I wasn’t decent.” “If you want to know the truth, when I’m at the apartment in New York, sweats are about all I wear.” Dante grinned. “Do you run?” “As often as I can, before work.” That was news to Leon. “We must be soul mates. Like you, I try to get in a run, but I usually do it after work.” “Does your wife run with you?” “Sometimes.” “We’ll all have to do it together.” “I’m afraid my brother swims.” Belle nodded. “So I noticed. Like a fish, I might add. Maybe I can train him by getting him to push Concetta in her stroller at the same time.” Dante roared with laughter. “Where is Pia, by the way?” “Visiting her mother, but I phoned her. She’ll be back soon.” “Does her family live far from here?” “No. Only a few kilometers.” “How lucky for both of them.” Belle smiled at Luciana. “They’ll never know, will they, darling.” “No.” Dante studied them. “I bet it shocked both of you when you first saw each other.” Leon hadn’t seen his brother smile or act this animated in years. Belle had that effect on everyone. “When I was at the orphanage, I used to dream about what she’d look like.” Leon got up to take the baby from her. “Little did you know you saw her every time you looked in a mirror.” He kissed his little girl. “I’ll go put her down in the crib.” Luciana had provided one for her after she was born. Leon hadn’t brought her over often enough. “I’ll go with you. We’ll be right back.” “Sure you will,” Dante joked. Belle followed Leon out of the living room and down the hall to the first bedroom. He put the baby on her back and covered her with a light blanket. Belle stood next to him at the side of the crib. He reached for her hand, too full of emotion to speak. “So far so good,” she whispered. “A miracle has happened today. It’s all because of you.” “I’m afraid it’s not over yet. We still have to tell your father.” She eased her hand away. “If you’ll excuse me for a minute, I need to freshen up, and will meet you back in the living room.” Much as he wanted to be alone with her, this wasn’t the time. With another glance at his daughter, who was sleeping peacefully, he left the bedroom, and ran into his father in the hallway. The marriage certificate was in his hand. Leon had forgotten it had been left on the coffee table. “It seems everyone in this house knows what you’ve done except me,” Sullisto exclaimed without preamble. “Your powers of persuasion are phenomenal, to get Belle to marry you when you don’t love her. You’ve even convinced Luciana.” Love for his stepmother seeped into Leon. “She’s only been here three days,” his father added. “What did you do? Slip something into her wine?” Leon bristled. That was below the belt, even for the count. “No. The trick of our ancestors wouldn’t work on her. She doesn’t drink, smoke or indulge in drugs.” “Belle’s not an ordinary woman.” “Truer words were never spoken. She’s made in the image of her mother, a woman who would have married the man of her heart if he hadn’t been killed…. The woman you married after Mamma died because you wanted her at all cost.” His cheeks went a ruddy color. “How dare you speak to me that way—” “I didn’t say it to be offensive, Pap?. I only meant to point out that true love makes us act with our hearts, not our heads.” His father’s eyes glittered with emotion, but Leon had to finish what had been started years ago. “Mamma loved another man before she obeyed her parents and married you. I have no doubts my autocratic grandfather forced you into your first marriage.” “Basta, Leonardo!” “I’m almost through. I was about to say it’s possible you loved someone before you had to do your duty. I have no way of knowing, since you never shared that with me or Dante. But given a second chance, you married for the right reason. Every man and woman born should have that privilege. Concetta will grow up being able to choose.” For once in his life, Leon’s father looked utterly flummoxed. “Would you really condemn me to a loveless marriage with one of the titled women you’ve picked out for me, because it’s what Malatestas do?” “You’re my firstborn son.” “You were your father’s firstborn son, too. We’ll both always be the firstborn, but in the end, what does it matter? In the Middle Ages it was a system devised for the aggrandizement of wealth. Surely we’ve come further than that in the twenty-first century.” “Leon is right.” Dante had suddenly materialized, seemingly out of nowhere. Sullisto swung around. “Were you in on this, too?” “On what?” “This outrageous marriage of your brother’s.” He thrust the marriage certificate at him. “When I phoned, you said nothing.” “Because I didn’t know anything. But I can tell you this. When he showed up at my door, he looked happy like I haven’t seen him since before Mamma died. Let’s hope Luciana didn’t hear you, or she might think you don’t approve of her daughter. I happen to know you do or you wouldn’t have invited her to come and live with you.” “So you’re in his corner now?” “This is his wedding day, Pap?.” “A wedding set up to thwart me!” “I doubt you were on his mind when he asked Belle to marry him,” Dante interjected. “Just so you know, Luciana sent me to tell you lunch is ready on the terrace.” “I couldn’t eat now.” “It would hurt Luciana if you don’t come. In fact, it would be the height of bad manners.” Their father scowled. “I don’t recall you having any the other day.” “The other day I wasn’t myself.” Dante shot Leon a pleading glance. “Since then I’ve repented.” “Why?” “Since I’ve come to realize how much I love my brother.” Bless you, Belle, for your inspiration. Leon smiled at him. “That goes both ways, Dante. Why don’t you two go ahead? I’ll find out what’s keeping Belle. Maybe the baby woke up.” Their father still looked angry as he eyed both of them before walking back down the hall toward the foyer. Dante clapped Leon on the shoulder. “That went well,” he teased, sounding like the old Dante. “See you in a minute.” He rolled up the marriage certificate and handed it to him. “I owe you.” Putting it in his pocket, Leon watched them go before he hurried into the bedroom. To his surprise, he found Belle standing at the side of the door. Rufo walked over to brush against his legs. “I heard every word. I’m so happy you and your brother have reconciled. Between the two of you, I’m sure in time you’ll be able to win your father around. Your master plan worked brilliantly, Signor Malatesta. Come on. Lunch is waiting.” She slipped out the door, trailing the scent of gardenias, but she didn’t look at him. His marriage was in trouble. He knew how deep Belle’s insecurities ran. Leon had to hope his powers of persuasion were as phenomenal as his father claimed. Otherwise he was in for the kind of pain from which he sensed he’d never recover. “Leon? How soon do you think you can arrange for TCCPI to set up a phone store here?” Now that Concetta was awake, Belle had carried her out to the patio to play buckets with her. He was standing by the railing, looking out at the sea. She feared he was brooding over his father. “I’ll lay the groundwork next week,” he told her. “At first I couldn’t believe you were serious, but since then I’ve found out you never joke about anything. I like a challenge. It would be interesting to see if I could make a success of it.” “What do you mean, if?” Leon always complimented her. She decided it was in his nature, but she didn’t deserve it. “When Mac learns I’m not coming back to the store, he’ll be overjoyed, because he wants my job.” “That’s probably the reason he won’t get it.” She chuckled. “Spoken like a man who knows about business.” “I’ve been thinking about that and other things. I’ll arrange to have your possessions sent from your apartment.” “Except for books and a few more clothes, I brought everything else important with me. One good thing about me. I travel light.” He didn’t smile. She couldn’t bring him out of his dark mood. They’d just returned from the palazzo. Belle had forced herself to eat the fabulous meal Luciana had served them. For her mother’s sake she’d acted like a new bride, and had kissed Leon several times for family pictures, while Sullisto looked on with only a comment here and there. Pia had arrived in the midst of the festivities. Whatever Dante told her must have resonated, because she was very friendly to Belle. The party atmosphere continued after Concetta awoke from her nap and entertained everyone. With the announcement that they were leaving to get ready for a short honeymoon, Leon brought the car around to the front. Rufo jumped inside before Belle’s new husband helped her and the baby, after another hug for her mother. They left the estate and drove to the villa, where she changed into jeans and a knit top. This was her home now, complete with the dearest, sweetest little girl on the planet and a husband to die for. There was only one thing wrong with this picture. Sullisto’s words still rang in her ears. Your powers of persuasion are phenomenal, to get Belle to marry you when you don’t love her. You’ve even convinced Luciana. She’s only been here three days. What did you do? Slip something into her wine? No. Leon didn’t have to do any of those things. Belle had fallen instantly in love with him. He was the man she would have married no matter how long she had to wait. Of course he wasn’t in love with her, but he’d been right about their desire for each other. With every kiss over the past few days, she sensed a growing hunger from him. After having been happily married to Benedetta, it was only natural he craved the same kind of fulfillment. A man could compartmentalize his needs from his emotions. Belle couldn’t. She loved him in all the ways possible. Today she’d made vows to be his wife. That was exactly what she would be to him. If not his love, he’d given her everything else, including a baby. There were trade-offs. Belle could always be near her mother now. He and Dante were friends again. Sullisto was at war with himself, but it spoke volumes about how much he loved Leon, because he hadn’t disowned him yet. “Where are we going on our honeymoon?” That brought his dark head around. If she wasn’t mistaken, her question had caught him off guard. “Mom offered to look after Concetta.” Leon’s hand went to the back of his neck. She noticed he did that when he was weighing his thoughts carefully. “Where would you like to go?” “Anywhere on the water. How about you? Or did you do that with Benedetta…?” “No. We honeymooned in Switzerland, but I don’t want to talk about her.” “I’m sorry. Would you rather we postponed a trip right now? Believe me, I’d understand.” “Understand what?” he blurted. “My father hurt you today. Do you think I’m going to forget that?” “I didn’t take it personally, not after his warm welcome the first night we met. He needs time. You’re trying to change someone who was raised under a different set of rules.” Leon’s eyes narrowed on her face. “How do you know so much about people?” “Probably because I wasn’t one of the participants of life. As I’ve told you before, most of the time I spent it observing other people. You learn a lot that way.” She cocked her head. “Does your family own a yacht?” “Yes. Shall we take it across the water to Croatia? There are some wonderful ruins in Dubrovnik and Split to explore.” “That sounds thrilling, but this is your honeymoon, too. Since you’ve probably done everything, what would be your very favorite thing to do?” His lips twitched for the first time. “That’s a loaded question to ask a new husband.” “Humor me. I’m a new wife.” “Has anyone ever told you you live dangerously?” Belle laughed. “I’m still waiting for your answer.” “Find a deserted island in the cruiser and do whatever appeals.” Her heart ran away with her. “An island? I’m glad you said that. I’ll phone Mom and ask her to come over while we’re gone. Concetta will be happier in her own surroundings, with the dog and familiar staff.” Belle picked up the baby, who’d become bored with the buckets. “Can we leave soon? It will give us more daylight to find the right island.” That suggestion seemed to galvanize him into action. “I can see by your eyes you already have one in mind.” He actually grinned. When he did that, she was reduced to mush. “There’s not much I can hide from you.” Yes, he could. He did! But being a Malatesta gave him special powers that rendered him inscrutable at times. Such as when he was pretending to be in love with her. “I’ll call Mom.” “While you do that, I’ll pack the cruiser.” They pulled away from the dock at four, loaded with everything Leon could think of to make this trip one they’d never forget. Belle had been humoring him, to the point he could almost believe her gratitude to him for uniting her with Luciana wasn’t all she was feeling. He hoped like hell her physical response to him so far wasn’t a total act. If a woman as genuine as Belle could be playing a part for his benefit, then he no longer trusted his own judgment. They headed farther down the coast. There were no islands of volcanic origin close to Rimini, but there was a sandbar. Those familiar with the area knew to avoid it. Others came upon it too quickly and in many cases ruined their hulls. Years ago Leon had come across it by accident and got in some of the best fishing of his life. If he’d had Belle with him back then… Using his binoculars, Leon found the exact spot. He cut the motor and let momentum carry them all the way in. When sand stopped the cruiser, Belle gazed at him in surprise. “I thought we were going to an island.” “I lied. There isn’t one around here. But with the sea this calm, there’s enough sand exposed for us to sunbathe until tonight, and then moon bathe under the stars. No one else is around here for miles.” He loved how she’d piled her hair up on her head. “If we’d taken the yacht, we’d have staff to contend with. These days it’s almost impossible to get away from people.” Her mouth curved into a smile. “But you managed it.” She stood up on the bench and looked around. “I love it! It’s like being shipwrecked.” “Except that we have all the comforts of home on board and can leave when we feel like it.” “I don’t want to talk about leaving. We just got here. I think this is the most romantic place for a honeymoon I ever heard of. Unique in all the world.” The light in her eyes dazzled him. He wanted this to be real. “A little focaccia, a bottle of water and thou. It’s evident Omar Khayy?m hadn’t been to the Adriatic.” Laughter rumbled deep in Leon’s chest before he picked her up and lifted her out of the boat to the sand. She started stripping as she ran. He did, too. They’d both worn their swimming suits beneath their clothes. “If you’ll stay close to me in the water, I won’t make you wear a life preserver.” She sobered. “That rule applies to you, too, Leon. If you decide to go out alone, I don’t want anything to happen to you.” Belle… “Come on,” he said in a husky voice when he could find it. They waded into the water, then started swimming. He loved her little shouts of excitement every time she saw a fish. Several times they went in and out of the water, lying in the sun in between dips. Belle put on sunscreen and gathered some seashells. Leon got out his fishing pole and caught two mackerel. They cooked them in a pan on his camp stove, and ate them with salad and fruit brought from the villa. She declared she’d never eaten a tastier meal, and he agreed with her. After the sun went down they covered up and lay back on lounge chairs on the cruiser. He turned his head so he could look at her. “When you told me earlier I’d probably done everything, you were wrong. I’ve never been here with anyone else.” “I’m glad you’re making a new memory. I’m really glad it’s with me. This has turned out to be the most fabulous wedding day a girl could ever want. To be surrounded by your family and my own mother. I can hardly express it.” Belle’s voice had caught in her throat. “You’re easy company, Belle. I’ve never enjoyed anyone more.” “I feel the same way about you.” She sat up abruptly. “Do you know I almost didn’t go to your bank? Obviously the manager at Donatello Diamonds had advised me to go there for a reason, but I was so upset with him, I had to have a long talk with myself first.” Leon didn’t even want to think about it, and turned on his side toward her. “What decided you in the end?” “I knew that if I went home not being able to find my mother, it would haunt me that I hadn’t turned over that one stone to see what was under it.” Her way of expressing herself enchanted him. “Tomorrow it will be a week since I flew out of JFK Airport, a single woman with no family, on a quest so overwhelming, I can’t believe I followed through. Tonight I’m lying under the stars on the Adriatic with my Italian husband, knowing my mother is home watching your little girl.” “Our little girl now.” Belle nodded. “I know I’m not dreaming, but you have to admit the chances of all this happening are astronomical. You’ve been so good to me, Leon. If I spend my whole life thanking you, it won’t be enough. I promise to be the best wife I can. Do you mind if I go downstairs now and take a shower? I’m a sandy mess.” “While you do that, I’ll get everything battened down for the night.” Belle gathered up her things and went down the stairs to the lower deck. The twenty-one-foot cruiser had to be state-of-the-art. Leon had told her he liked a smaller boat like this. He could man it himself, and pull in and out of coves with ease. It made a lot of sense. Beyond the galley was a cabin with a double bed. One glance at it and her heartbeat tripled. She hurriedly took a shower and washed her hair. Leon was giving her plenty of time, but now that she was ready, she felt feverish, waiting for him to come. Belle was the only one of her roommates or the girls at her work who hadn’t been to bed with a man. Now it was her turn. The mechanics of the act were no mystery to her, but it was a whole new world she was about to enter. Those few kisses they’d exchanged had already thrilled her, so much she couldn’t wait to find out what it would be like to spend the night with him. They hadn’t talked about the consequences of sleeping together, but she’d made a vow to accept children lovingly. How would he feel about another child if she conceived? Or was Concetta enough for him? This marriage had happened so fast, Belle was full of questions about the sexual side of their relationship. Only he could answer them. Why didn’t he come? They needed to talk. After another five minutes, she walked down through the hallway and called to him from the stairs. “I’ll be right there.” When he joined her in the bedroom five minutes later, he’d showered and was dressed in a T-shirt and lounging pajamas. The sight of his black hair disheveled after being washed had an appeal all its own. Her gaze dropped lower, to that well-defined physique she’d longed to touch all day. He was standing only a few feet away. She could reach out and touch him. Marriage had given her the right, but she needed a signal from him. “Is there anything you need before I go back up on deck for the night?” The question, asked in that deep voice, sent her down a dark chute with no bottom. The pain was so acute she couldn’t hold it in. “I thought this was to be our wedding night.” His sudden grim expression chilled her, reminding her of the side of his nature that could be forbidding at times. “Under normal circumstances it would be.” She shook her head, causing her hair to swish across her shoulders. “These aren’t normal? I don’t understand.” For a moment she thought she saw a bleak look enter his eyes, but it might have been a trick of light. “You don’t have to keep up the pretense any longer, Belle.” “Excuse me?” “Your gratitude has been duly recognized. The truth is, I don’t expect your sleeping with me to be a part of it.” She sucked in her breath. “Well, pardon me if I misunderstood. I thought this morning we took vows to become man and wife. You know—the kind who sleep together.” Now that she was all worked up, she couldn’t stop. “You think you’re so different from your father, but you’re just another version of the same male. He was right. You don’t love me. That I can handle. You’ve taught me that love at first sight is an absurdity, after all. I learn something new every day. “Everyone knows real love takes years and years to develop. It’s your lie about feeling desire for me that cuts to the quick, Leonardo di Malatesta. You faked it until I believed it, but now that it’s crunch time, you’ve brushed me off the way I’ve been brushed off all my life.” “Belle—” A ring of white had encircled his hard mouth. “I’m not finished. Do you have any idea how hurt I am by your rejection? How humiliated I feel after putting everything I am and feel out there on the line for you? “Cliff was right about my being pathetic. Thank you for underscoring what I’ve always known about myself. But until just now I was looking forward to being with you tonight, to being in your arms. “I thought my stepfather hurt me when he told me to get out of his garage and never step in it again. But you’re the true master at turning the knife. Now that you’ve drawn blood, please leave my bedroom. We’ll never talk about this again. “In the morning I want to go back to the villa. Never fear, I’ll go on being your wife and a mother to Concetta. I’ll be there for your family day and night. You want to sleep in the same bed to keep up the pretense and avoid gossip? I’ll do it. I’ll stand by you at work, at home, until death. I owe you that. I made vows to do that.” She took a deep, painful breath. “But don’t you ever touch me in bed, not even by accident.” Leon hadn’t been sick to his stomach in years. But at two in the morning he slipped over the side of the boat and found a private spot. After being violently ill, he shook like a man with palsy. Until she heard him out, he wasn’t going to make it through the night. He decided it would be better to make noise on his way below deck so he wouldn’t frighten her. Once he reached the bathroom, he brushed his teeth and drank some water. Then he tapped on the closed door. “Belle?” “What is it?” “We can’t go on like this. I have to talk to you. May I come in, or do we do this through the door?” “It’s your boat.” It didn’t sound as if she’d been asleep. He opened the door and a dim beam of light from the hallway fell across the bed, where her dark hair was splayed across the pillow. She was an enticing vision. How to begin repairing the damage? Leon reached the end of the bed and sat on it. “When I came down here earlier, the last thing I wanted to do was go back upstairs for the night. But because of the speed of our marriage, I didn’t want you to think that I’d ‘purchased’ you so I could claim my rights. I wanted to give you time to get used to me. “Today was pure enchantment for me. I wanted it to go on and on. I was terrified that if you knew how much I’d been counting the minutes until we could go to bed together, it would frighten you. So I backed off. But to my despair, I unwittingly made the wrong decision, and I fear it has cost me my marriage. “You have no idea how sick I was when I realized you’d overheard the conversation with my father. When we went into lunch, I knew the things he’d said had affected you. I felt helpless to do anything about it until I could get you alone. But when I came down the stairs to join you after your shower, I saw a woman who looked like the proverbial lamb going to slaughter. “I thought of your bravery in leaving the orphanage to go to a strange home and adapt to someone else’s lifestyle. You were so strong to do that and be able to handle it. Tonight I saw your strength in the way you faced me head-on, no matter what you might be feeling inside. “Your trust in me was so humbling, I didn’t want to do anything wrong. You have to understand I would never deliberately hurt you. How could I do that?” He tipped his head back. “There’s something important you need to know, Belle.” “What is it?” “This is about my mother. She had some last words for me before she died. I’ll never forget them.” Belle stirred in the bed. “What did she tell you?” “She said, ‘You’re so much like me, Leon. If you expect to ever truly be happy, then follow your heart.’ Her advice sank deep inside me and helped free me from certain expectations, because I knew I had her blessing. When the time came to ask Benedetta to marry me, I didn’t hesitate. “Last night I asked you to marry me for the same reason. The only reason. I love you, Belle. I’m a man desperately in love. You’re the most beautiful thing in my life. When we said our vows this morning, I kept thanking God for you in my heart. I can’t explain why I fell so hard for you. The French have an expression for it—coup de foudre. A bolt of lightning. That’s what it was like for me. “Immediately I needed an excuse to keep you here for good. But the truth is, if there’d been no excuse—no baby, no Dante, no mother to find—I would have followed you back to New York until I could get you to fall in love with me.” Leon moved to the door, petrified he wasn’t making any headway. “As God is my witness, I love you. That’s what I came to say.” He walked into the hallway and was about to shut the door when he heard the rustle of sheets. “Don’t leave me.” Afraid he was hearing things, he turned around in time to see Belle move toward him. “Don’t ever leave me.” In seconds he felt her arms around his neck. “I’m madly in love with you, too, Leon. I love you so much it hurts. Don’t you know that’s why I said those cruel things to you?” He came close to expiring with joy. “I do now.” He picked her up in his arms and carried her back to bed, following her down with his body. The second their mouths fused, they began devouring each other. Belle awakened the next morning before her husband. She lay halfway across his chest, with their legs entangled, and watched him in sleep. He was the most beautiful man she’d ever seen. She loved his powerful legs, which kept her where he wanted her, even in sleep. The top cover lay on the floor, along with her robe and his clothes. She hadn’t known pleasure like they’d given each other was even possible. It was too intoxicating to describe. Unable to hold back, she kissed his eyelids and nose, the cleft in his chin. It was embarrassing how much she wanted him again. “Darling,” she said against his compelling mouth, “are you awake?” His hand roved over her back. Delighted with that much response, she kissed his throat and worked her way to one earlobe. She slid her fingers into his black hair. Belle was on fire for him. “I love you,” she cried, out of need for the fulfillment only he could give. Her dark prince had to be the most satisfying lover alive. His eyes opened at last. They were smoldering like wood smoke. “Buon giorno, esposa mia.” She smiled. “It will be a very good morning when you’ve made love to me again.” He rolled her on top of him so he could look up at her. “You’re a shameless beauty. How lucky can a husband be?” “Was last night as wonderful for you as it was for me?” Belle heard him take a ragged breath. “Couldn’t you tell? I ate you alive last night.” She smiled. “I’m still alive,” she said breathlessly. “I know. Come here to me, bellissima.” It was several hours later when they surfaced. Leon kept a possessive arm around her hips while they stared into each other’s eyes. “Where do you want to go today?” “I want to stay right here. Is that all right with you?” He laughed out loud. “You don’t know much about men, but I have to admit I’m thankful I’m your first and only lover.” She traced the line of his mouth with her finger. It could go soft or hard depending on his mood. Right now there was a sensual curl. “I could look at you for hours. Do you think I’m terrible?” He laughed again. “As long as I get to do the same thing.” Heat rose to her cheeks. “I think it’s fun to be married. After being with you like this, I realize I grew up lonely. It worries me that I might be too needy. Promise you’ll help me not to get that way.” He smoothed the hair away from her temple. “I think you’re perfect just as you are.” “That’s because we’re on our honeymoon. But when you have to go to the bank, I don’t think I’ll be able to let you leave. Concetta and I will be miserable until you get home. Will you hate it if I bring lunch to your office sometimes?” “What do you think?” “I think you will.” After another burst of laughter he kissed her passionately. “Leon?” she said, when he finally let her catch her breath. “I’ve given the idea of the cell phone store a lot of thought. The truth is I’d really like to be a full-time mother to Concetta. In order to do that, I couldn’t manage a store, too.” He kissed a certain spot. “Especially if we decided we wanted to have another baby.” “You’d like that?” “I want one with you. Concetta needs a sibling. My life was rich because I had Dante.” “You were lucky to have a brother. When do you think you’d like to try for a baby?” Leon’s shoulders shook with silent laughter. “Whenever you think you can handle it.” “If we tried pretty soon and were successful, that would make the babies maybe a year and a half apart. That would be perfect.” “Whatever you say, squisita.” “You’re laughing at me.” Leon grew serious. “No. I’m laughing because I’m so happy. The dark period I went through with Benedetta’s illness and death took its toll. At the time I couldn’t imagine feeling like I do right now. You’ve brought sunshine back into my life.” “You don’t have time to hear all the things you’ve done for me—not before I feed you. While you lie here and miss me like crazy, I’m going to fix you breakfast in bed.” She tried to get up, but he pulled her back. “Don’t leave me, Belle.” She pressed a hungry kiss to his mouth. “I’ll only be as far away as the galley.” “That’s too far.” “Now you know why I’m already dreading you going to work. I’ve decided I think it’s scary to be married.” He took her face between his hands. “I’ve decided I adore you, Signora Malatesta.” CHAPTER NINE (#ulink_0894df41-da95-598b-aa18-88656a2d5585) Three months later USING THE FRONT door key she’d been given, Belle let herself and Concetta inside the palazzo. She’d put her adorable baby in the stroller. “Mom? We’re here!” No answer. That was odd. After Sullisto had left for the bank, her mother had called asking her to come over. Luciana wanted help putting the finishing touches on the birthday party she was planning for Leon’s father that evening. “Mom? Where are you?” She walked through the house, pushing Concetta. “Hmm, maybe she’s out in the garden picking flowers. Let’s go find your grandmother.” Belle was dying to talk to her mom and was thankful for the excuse to come over now. Leon had arranged for an early business meeting so he could get home in good time for the party, so she was free. The housekeeper saw her in the hallway. “Buon giorno, Belle. Your mamma is still in the bed.” Uh-oh. That didn’t sound like her mother. “Grazie, Violeta.” Belle pushed the stroller through the house to the master suite. She opened the door. “Mom?” “Come in the bedroom, darling.” Curious, Belle hurried on through and found a slightly pale version of her beautiful mother lying against the pillows. “You’re sick, aren’t you.” “Not the kind I can give to Concetta. It’s a good kind.” A good kind of sick? What? All of a sudden Belle got it. She gazed down at her mother. “You’re pregnant!” “Yes…” Belle sank down on the side of the bed. “Does Sullisto know?” “No. He thinks I’ve got a bug of some kind.” “You do!” They both started laughing and then Belle hugged her mother in happiness. They stared hard at each other. “After all this time…” Belle looked at the baby. “Did you hear that, Concetta? In about seven months you’re going to get a new aunt or uncle.” The two of them laughed for joy again before Luciana’s eyes filled with tears. “It took finding you, darling. That’s what the doctor said. You don’t know how much I’ve wanted us to have a baby together, even if I am forty-two. You know, to cement things. This morning Sullisto almost didn’t leave for work. I had to beg him to go.” Belle could relate, which was a change for her where Leon was concerned. But this wasn’t the time to confide in Luciana. “How long have you had morning sickness?” “For a few days. I’ve sworn Violeta to secrecy.” “Until tonight?” “Yes. The doctor gave me some antinausea medicine. It’s already starting to work.” “Sullisto’s going to jump out of his skin with joy.” “I believe he will.” “I know he will. He loves you terribly, Mom, but being a Malatesta he wants everything to be perfect.” Her father-in-law had calmed down somewhat since Belle and Leon had come back from their honeymoon on the sandbar. But whether he’d forgiven his son for disobeying him a second time was something no one knew. “Ah, you’ve already discovered that after being married to Leon. So tell me what’s on your mind, darling, and don’t say it’s nothing.” Belle bit her lip. “When Concetta and I came over this morning, there was something I wanted to talk to you about, but now I can’t.” “You mean that you’re pregnant, too?” Her breath caught. “Oh, Mom… I think I am, but I haven’t done a home pregnancy test yet. That’s what I wanted to discuss with you.” “I’ve suspected it since our family picnic the other day, when you couldn’t eat.” “I didn’t realize you’d noticed. If I thought I was carrying Leon’s child…” “Then he doesn’t suspect yet?” “No. I’ve had a few bouts of nausea, nothing terrible yet, but lately I’m so tired.” Her mother’s delightful laugh filled the room. “You need to test yourself right now. There’s a kit in my closet, hidden behind the shoes.” “You’re kidding!” “No. I bought two just in case. But the first one worked.” “I’ll be right back.” “While you get the official word, I’m going to entertain my granddaughter. Come here, Concetta, and give your pregnant grandmother a big kiss.” Belle found the kit and went into the bathroom. A few minutes later she squealed for joy. Though she was barely learning the rudiments of Italian from her husband and the staff, she didn’t need to read the words to understand what the color meant. She ran into the bedroom to show her mother. “Congratulations, darling! Now that everything’s official, we’ll make our announcements tonight.” “We can’t do that in front of Pia, Mom. It will hurt her too much.” “No, it won’t. I know something you don’t.” Belle blinked in shock and took the baby from her. “Are you teasing me?” “No. She told me yesterday.” Yesterday… Belle was so excited, she could hardly stand it. “Does she know about you?” “Yes, but our husbands don’t know yet. Obviously, yours doesn’t, either.” Her mother flashed a secretive smile. “We decided to make this a real surprise party tonight. To know you’re pregnant, too… Three in one family at the same time has to be some kind of world record.” “I agree. How do you want to handle it?” “I think it should be something that shocks our husbands. You know how they love to be in control at all times. It’s a Malatesta trait. Don’t you think it would be fun just this once to throw them off base?” She had an imp in her that Belle would never have guessed was there. “There’s nothing I’d love more.” She’d been standing by a window that overlooked the maze. Suddenly her brain started reeling with possibilities. “In fact, I’ve got an idea. First we’re going to need poster board and hundreds of yards of ribbon in three colors.” “What on earth do you have in mind, darling?” “A game. We love games, don’t we, Concetta.” She kissed her daughter’s cheeks. “This one is going to be for all the men in the family to play. But this game will be different, because each man will end up getting the prize he’s always wanted.” After a successful business meeting, Leon rushed home early to be with his family. The party wasn’t scheduled to start for an hour and a half. That would give him enough time to enjoy his wife while his daughter had her nap. Up until this morning, when Belle had stayed asleep, she’d always been so loving and responsive, he knew he was the luckiest man on earth. Disappointment washed over him in waves when he walked in and Simona informed him that everyone had left for the palazzo hours ago. The news hit him like a body blow. He’d been longing to lie in Belle’s arms and forget the world for a little while. She made him feel immortal. As he took the stairs two at a time to the master bedroom, he realized how empty the villa was without them. The thought of no Belle, his creative, adorable wife, was anathema to him. All Leon had to do was shower and shave. He and Dante had gone in on a gift for their father. Sullisto had mislaid his old watch and hadn’t found it yet, so they’d bought him a new one with their names engraved in it. Dante would be bringing it to the party. For the occasion Leon had bought himself a new, light gray suit. Belle had told him several times how much she liked him in gray, the color of his eyes. Hating the silence of the house, he hurriedly dressed, and drove to the palazzo at a speed over the limit. He never drove this fast with Belle and Concetta, but he was in a hurry to see them. When he pulled up in front, he saw his father and brother waiting for him in the courtyard, dressed in what looked like new suits. Leon levered himself from the driver’s seat. “Buon compleanno, Pap?.” He kissed him on both cheeks. “What’s going on? Why are you out here?” “We’ve been given our instructions, Leonardo.” Sullisto didn’t sound in the least happy. Dante’s dark brows lifted. “We were told to stay out here, and that when you got here, we were to go to the entrance of the maze to await further instructions.” Leon chuckled. He thought he could see his playful wife’s hand in this somewhere. “Where’s my family?” “They’re all inside,” his father muttered, looking flustered. “Let’s get this foolishness over with.” “It is your birthday, Pap?.” “You’re just going to have to be a good sport even if you are a year older,” Dante teased. They headed through the vine-covered gate to the maze. “I told Luciana I didn’t want any fuss,” Sullisto grumbled. When they reached the entrance, there was a sign in Italian. Start Following Your Ribbon. Red for Sullisto, Yellow for Dante and Blue for Leon. Don’t Open Your Prizes When You Find Them. Bring Them to the Terrace, Where More Festivities Will Ensue. Hmm. A prize. Just what did Leon’s wife have in store for him? For the first time in years he got the kind of excited feeling he used to get as a child when his mother hid something they wanted, and they had to find it. He put a hand on his father’s shoulder. “You go first, Pap?.” “For the love of heaven,” Sullisto mumbled. With a grin, Dante followed him. Leon brought up the rear. The ribbons led them on such a serpentine route, he started laughing. Dante joined in. Their father had gone on ahead and had disappeared. He just wanted to get the game over with. “This is one game we never played in here,” his brother quipped. “Nope.” And Leon knew why. Belle hadn’t grown up with them. Her advent in his life had changed his entire world. “I guess this is where we part company. My ribbon has taken off in a new direction. See you in a minute.” “Call out if you get lost.” “That’ll be the day, little brother.” Leon kept going until he came to a small package on the ground tied up with the end of the ribbon. Picking it up, he followed the ribbon back to the opening of the maze. Pretty soon his father emerged with an identical package. “I think Dante must have gotten lost.” “I heard that, big brother.” In the next breath Dante made his appearance with his own package. Sullisto muttered, “I hope this is the end of the games. I don’t know about you, but I’m hungry.” The three of them walked around to the terrace with the ribbons trailing behind. “Careful you don’t trip on those,” Luciana called out from the table, looking particularly radiant in an ice-blue dress. “Happy birthday, my darling husband.” Pia sat next to her in a stunning pink outfit. Leon’s gaze sought his wife, who was wearing a gorgeous purple dress with spaghetti straps. She was so beautiful he almost dropped his package. Luciana smiled at all of them. “As soon as you open your gifts, we’ll eat.” Her smile was like the cat who’d swallowed the proverbial canary. Something was going on…. Leon opened his package. Inside was a small oblong box containing a home pregnancy device, of all things. His heart thundered in his chest before he even looked inside it. Belle’s cobalt eyes had found his. They resembled blue fires, telling him everything that was in her heart. It came to him then that everyone on the terrace had gone silent. When he looked around, he saw that both his brother and his father held similar boxes in their hands, and were totally dumbstruck. Sullisto raised his head and looked at Luciana. “We’re pregnant?” he whispered in awe. “Yes, darling. It finally happened.” The look on his father’s face was one Leon would never forget. Pia’s beaming countenance told its own story as she eyed Dante with loving eyes. “That trip to Florence,” she reminded him. Suddenly pandemonium struck. Leon dropped the box and gravitated to his wife, pulling her from the seat into his arms. “Concetta won’t be an only child,” she said against his lips. “I hope you’re happy, Leon.” “Happy?” he cried. “Ti amo, amore mio. Ti amo!” He kissed her long and hard. It was in this euphoric condition that he heard his father tap the crystal goblet in front of him with a fork to get their attention. Everyone broke apart and sat down while Sullisto remained standing. He lifted his wineglass toward Belle. He had to clear his throat several times. “To my wife’s firstborn, who came like an angel from across the ocean to bless the Houses of Malatesta and Donatello forever and make us all one.” “Hear, hear,” an ecstatic Dante echoed, raising his glass. Leon gripped Belle’s thigh beneath the table with one hand, and picked up his wineglass with the other. “Amen and amen.” The Boy Who Made Them Love Again (#ulink_4e1c6ab7-14f0-5192-8842-6925b77bc9ef) Scarlet Wilson CHAPTER ONE (#ulink_5dad46c3-0403-59a1-affe-fe256ad80791) IF ABBY TYLER had known how the day was going to end she might not have got out of bed that day. As it was, she leaned back in her chair, arched her back and then did something that she never did—put her feet up on the desk. Pelican Cove was quieter than quiet. She hadn’t treated a patient in the last hour. She took a sip of the strong, dark coffee she’d just made and nibbled on one of the nearby home-made oatmeal and raisin cookies. She gave a huge sigh and smiled over at one of the nearby nurses. ‘Nancy, you make the best cookies.’ Abby closed her eyes for a second. Recovery time. Reuben had woken at three a.m. and came through to tell her a story. The story had lasted the best part of an hour and had been full of animal noises and hand gestures. It seemed as though she’d been blessed with a child who didn’t require much sleep. Through her heavy lids she could see the rest of the emergency-room staff giving her knowing nods and moving off to the far end of the reception desk. The staff here were a great, tight-knit team with a real community approach. As an emergency-care paediatric physician Abby loved the twelve weeks a year that she covered in the community hospital—in fact, it was one of the reasons that she’d taken the job. San Francisco was much more frantic. This gave her the opportunity to do some much-needed paediatric outpatient clinics and practise emergency medicine. There was a screech of tyres outside. It startled her, breaking her from the easing, gentle lullaby that had been repeating in her head. Seconds later a pair of heavy feet pounded inside. The dark business suit, crisp white shirt, flash red tie and shock of white-blond hair drew the immediate attention of the surrounding staff. Abby blinked. Twice. Before breaking into a lazy smile and brushing the cookie crumbs from her scrubs. ‘Luke Storm. I always knew some day you’d come walking back through my door. I never doubted that. Something made it inevitable.’ The words were out of her mouth in an instant. An automatic natural reaction to him, adapted from a film they’d watched together as med students. She ran her eyes up and down his muscular frame. Still every bit the male model. ‘So what can I do for you?’ ‘You can take your feet off the desk for a start.’ ‘Excuse me?’ ‘I take it you work here?’ Abby gestured to the white board on the wall with her name on it. ‘I take it I do,’ she answered calmly, refusing to let him rile her. ‘What facilities do you have for premies?’ That got her attention. ‘What?’ She pulled her feet off the desk and stood up. ‘What on earth are you talking about?’ ‘I don’t have time for a debate, Abby. I need to know if you can deal with a premature delivery or not. And I need to know now.’ Abby watched in disbelief as her calm emergency unit was instantly transformed into a scene of chaos. Half a dozen dark-suited men, some with obvious bulges in their jackets, swarmed through the doors and immediately started covering exits whilst muttering into small silver dots on their lapels and holding their earpieces. ‘What on earth…?’ Luke grabbed hold of her arm. ‘What facilities do you have, Abby?’ Abby shrugged her arm from his firm grasp. Her brain shifting sharply into focus. ‘This is a small 25-bed acute-care hospital, Luke. It’s mainly used for routine surgeries and outpatient consultations. We have this emergency department and we have equipment for emergency deliveries but we only have one neonate cot. Once stabilised we tend to transfer to San Francisco Children’s Hospital.’ ‘Do you have a paed?’ It was obvious Luke wasn’t thinking straight. What on earth had rattled him so much? Abby tilted her head, a smile dancing across her lips. His words were rapid and harsh and she could see from the deep frown lines in his forehead that a million different things were spinning around in his head. An expression she’d seen more than once. Her pale-skinned hand reached across the desk and squeezed his golden tanned one. Like chalk and cheese. The way they’d always been with each other. ‘I’m the paed, Luke.’ His head turned abruptly towards her. ‘You’re the paed?’ She could almost see the pieces falling into place in his head as the moment of realisation struck him. ‘Of course you are. Then it’s you that I need.’ His hand closed around hers, pulling her towards the door. Just for a second she saw the characteristic gleam in his eyes that she remembered so well. ‘Don’t suppose you’ve got an obstetrician handy?’ ‘Actually, I do.’ She ground to a halt, stopping him in his tracks. ‘But I’ve no intention of phoning him until you tell me exactly what’s going on. I take it you’ve got a patient for me?’ ‘Actually, I’ve got two—but the second one I can take care of myself.’ ‘What do you mean?’ This was getting more bizarre by the minute. ‘He’s a cardiac patient. Where do you transfer your MIs to?’ She tugged on his hand. ‘Stop, Luke,’ she said in a low voice, and pulled him closer to her. Her senses were bombarded by the smell of him, bringing back fragments of past memories. But something was different. A new scent. A new cologne. Something fresh and sharp, reminding her of the crashing waves in the sea. She inched even closer. She could see the deep-etched frown lines on his brow, the tiny beads of perspiration glistening under the hospital lights. ‘Slow down and take a deep breath and tell me what’s going on.’ She heard him let out a deep sigh before he glanced over at one of the dark-suited men, who gave him a tiny nod of approval. He ran his fingers through his short white-blond hair, his eyes glancing at the ceiling, with one corner of his lip curling upwards. ‘You’re about to deliver the First Lady’s baby.’ ‘What?’ Luke watched the colour rise in the unflappable Abby Tyler’s cheeks. Her head flicked from side to side. ‘I’m being had, right? This is one of those daft game shows, isn’t it? You’ve got a hidden camera somewhere, haven’t you?’ Luke stood stock still. He still quite couldn’t believe that fate had brought him to an emergency unit that was staffed by Abby Tyler. Of all the places in all the world… Abby put her hands on her hips. ‘Luke, what on earth would the First Lady be doing in Mendocino Valley? Isn’t she supposed to be on bed rest in the White House?’ Luke nodded and smiled wryly. ‘That’s what the world is supposed to think. The truth is Jennifer Taylor would never have stayed on bed rest in the White House, which is why she’s here.’ Abby shook her head. She couldn’t believe this was happening. And she hadn’t worked out what was more incredible to her—the fact the First Lady was in Mendocino Valley and nobody knew, or the fact that Luke Storm had just catapulted his way back into her life. She pulled her professional head back on. ‘How far along is she? Thirty? Thirty-two weeks?’ Abby’s mind whirred, trying to remember what she’d seen in the press. ‘She’s just under thirty-two weeks.’ ‘Where on earth has she been staying and how come no one knows about it?’ Luke smiled. ‘She’s been staying in one of the mansions in the hills around here—I think you call it “Millionaires’ Row”?’ He named a hugely popular rock star who owned one of the nearby houses. ‘Apparently he’s good friends with the President and offered his house to them. His staff are very loyal and word just hasn’t gotten out.’ ‘But how did she get here?’ He could see her mentally calculating the distance in her head between Mendocino Valley and Washington before coming to the obvious conclusion. ‘Who on earth let a woman in her condition fly?’ Luke gave a snort. ‘You haven’t met Jennifer Taylor yet, have you? Prepare yourself. And remember, she didn’t exactly fly commercial. And she had her own obstetrician with her.’ Abby’s face clouded in puzzlement. ‘Well, where the hell is he?’ ‘He’s the MI I’m about to treat.’ Abby shook her head at the unfolding scene around her. And he watched her. Drinking up her appearance, just for a second. The long sheen of blonde hair that he remembered had been cut into a sharp bob, short at the back with tapering longer layers at the front. It suited her, highlighting her high cheekbones and clear skin. He caught a waft of something. Strawberries. His eyes fell to her glistening pink lips. She was still using the same strawberry lip gloss that she’d used all those years ago. It gave him an instant reminder of kissing her and tasting that sweet, juicy gel, sending waves of nostalgia down his spine. His eyes swept over her body. Even hidden in shapeless green scrubs he could see the outline of her small breasts and neat hips. Perfection couldn’t be hidden. And in amongst all his panic and confusion a wave swept over him—something that only Abby had ever done to him. He felt as if he had just come home. His eyes fell to their hands, still tightly clasped. When was the last time he had held Abby’s hand? Had it been the night she’d broken up with him? When she’d said she wouldn’t give up on her dream of a family? Had that really been five years ago? ‘Luke?’ Her voice pulled him back from memory lane. His head flicked around and he pulled her towards the doors and grabbed a nearby gurney. ‘Come with me, Abby.’ She stopped, just for a second, and glanced towards the open-mouthed staff. ‘Nancy, set up for an early delivery, please.’ She grabbed hold of the rail on the gurney and followed as he pulled it outside towards a sleek black car. The fresh sea winds immediately caught her hair, tossing and turning it before landing it back on top of her head like freshly whipped meringue. She tried to push the tangled mess from her eyes as she took in the scene in front of her. Six black-suited men were strategically positioned around the car, their eyes scanning in every possible direction. The faint whoop-whoop of helicopter blades could be heard in the distance. A craggy-faced man put his hand on Luke’s arm as his eyes ran up and down the full length of her body, ‘Who’s this?’ The voice was brusque and gruff. ‘Our saviour.’ Luke’s eyes caught hold of Abby’s and she took a deep breath. Five years on and nothing had changed. He could still stop her heart with one look. And it killed her. Because everything had changed. The nearside door was open and Luke gestured for her to look inside. She bent forward, removing more blonde strands of hair from her mouth, and peered inside. ‘You’re not going to put me on that, are you?’ The words were straight to the point with only the slightest hint of strain in them. Abby smiled at the pale face ahead of her and ducked inside the car out of the sea winds. ‘Hi, I’m Abby, one of the doctors at Pelican Cove.’ The spacious interior of the car nearly made her laugh out loud. Her entire Mini Cooper could fit inside the rear passenger space. She slid along the cream leather seats and looked at the familiar face next to her. Jennifer Taylor was the darling of the nation. A feisty, intelligent lawyer, she had refused to stop working when her husband had become President. She campaigned tirelessly for human rights and wasn’t afraid to put her neck on the line when necessary. More importantly, she was also the first First Lady in nearly fifty years to deliver while her husband was in office. Abby took in her short gasps, her grey jogging suit and trainers and her normally immaculate brown hair pulled back into a ponytail. The press would have a field day if they saw her like this— in all the news reports Abby had never seen this woman with so much as a hair out of place. She could see the worry lines across her brow and the fatigue in her eyes. She leaned over and took her hand. ‘I think the gurney is for the other guy.’ She nodded in the direction of the sweating, grey-haired man whom Luke was trying to assist out of the front passenger seat. ‘Do you want me to get you a wheelchair or do you think you can walk in?’ Jennifer looked up through her heavy eyes with steely reserve. ‘I’m walking.’ ‘Okay, let me help you.’ Abby slid back along the leather upholstery and waited for Jennifer to swing her legs from the car. She slid an arm around her waist and guided her inside, surrounded on all sides by the black brigade. Nancy met her at the entrance door and gestured towards a nearby side room. ‘I’ve set up in here,’ she said, pointing her to the room, which had been hurriedly filled with monitoring equipment. Luke gave a shout at her back as the gurney went speeding past and into the nearby trauma room. Abby watched thankfully as one of her nurse practitioners gave her a quick nod and followed Luke into the room. Abby settled Jennifer on the bed and swung her legs up. She pulled out the backrest and watched in amusement as Nancy refused entry to any of the bodyguards. ‘Wait outside, gentlemen. You can’t be in here while the lady is being examined.’ She shut the door with a quick slam and turned to face them, folding her arms across her chest. ‘They won’t get past me.’ Abby switched on the monitors and started hooking them up. ‘So tell me, Mrs Taylor, what’s been happening today?’ She turned her head to Nancy. ‘Can you take a BP reading and get me a foetal heart rate, please?’ Jennifer shifted uncomfortably on the bed. ‘Call me Jennifer, please, I hate formality. I started having back pain last night. Nothing major, just a general feeling of unease and nothing I could do would make me feel any better. Then at around breakfast time today, just after I’d used the bathroom, I felt a little trickle run down my leg.’ ‘Your waters have broken?’ ‘I think so. Dr Blair was going to check for me but then he started getting chest pain and…’ Her voice tailed off as tears brimmed in her eyes. ‘This isn’t supposed to happen. I’m only meant to be here to rest for a few weeks and then I was going to go back to Washington to have the baby there.’ She lay back against the pillows, resting her hands on her swollen abdomen. ‘Charlie is going to be so worried.’ Abby gave a little smile at her pet name for her husband, the most important man in America, and gave her hand a squeeze. ‘Has someone told your husband that you’re here?’ Jennifer rolled her eyes in response. ‘Oh, yes.’ Abby glanced over the notes Nancy was making of the foetal heart rate and the First Lady’s blood pressure. Everything looked good. ‘Don’t worry, Jennifer. We’ll take good care of you. I’m going to examine you in a few minutes to confirm that your waters have broken. Have you had any contractions at all?’ Jennifer shook her head. ‘No, just the back pain. It’s still there now.’ Nancy raised her eyebrow then moved quickly towards the door as it started to open. ‘Yes, can I help you?’ Her voice echoed around the room. ‘Just to give you these, Mrs Taylor’s medical records. Dr Storm said that you would need them.’ A black-covered arm appeared through the tiny space in the doorway, brandishing a thick brown envelope, which Nancy snatched away before banging the door shut again. Jennifer slumped back against her pillows. ‘Poor Luke,’ she murmured. ‘I thought he was going to blow a gasket when he realised what was going on. I didn’t know what else to do when Dr Blair started having chest pain—he seemed the most obvious person to call.’ Her voice drifted off. Abby felt as if she was missing something. ‘How do you know Luke?’ ‘He’s my husband’s cardiologist.’ ‘The President has a cardiologist?’ ‘My husband has a doctor for everything— whether he needs it or not.’ Jennifer gave a wry smile. Abby gazed in wonder at the most watched woman in America. She might be the First Lady but she was still a first-time mom-to-be, who was probably just as worried as every other potential mother in the whole world. Her waters had broken early and the first thing she’d done had been to phone a doctor for the man having chest pain. She hadn’t thought of herself first at all. This was some woman. Abby gave a nod and slid the notes out from inside the envelope. ‘I’ll have a quick check over these and give our local obstetrician a call.’ She moved towards the door. ‘Nancy will stay with you for now and I’ll be back in five minutes.’ She stepped outside and directly into the path of six black-suited men. They seemed to be multiplying by the minute. ‘Excuse me,’ she said, sidestepping them and heading over to the nearby desk. She bent over to pick up the phone but was stopped as a firm bronzed hand slid in front of hers, picking up the phone first. ‘Hey!’ Luke shot her a dazzling smile. All white teeth and tanned skin. Just the way she liked him. Just the way she remembered him. More little sparks fired inside her, sending a feeling to the pit of her stomach like…like what? It had been so long she couldn’t remember. ‘Sorry, Abby, I’m first. I need to take Dr Blair to the cath lab. He’s a definite inferior MI.’ He waved the ECG under her nose. ‘Look at the ST elevation.’ Then he paused for a second, the smile draining from his face. ‘You do have cath-lab facilities, don’t you?’ Abby nodded as a look of relief swept visibly over his face. ‘Wait a minute, though, Luke. You’ve just come from Washington DC—you won’t have a licence to practise medicine here.’ Her brow furrowed. ‘Or is there some crazy dispensation for the President’s staff I don’t know about?’ He raised his eyebrow as the corner of his mouth turned upwards. ‘Yes and no. I can treat the President, but only the President, in any state. However, here…’ he swept his arm outwards ‘…I’ve just been lucky. I’ve been working with two of California’s universities and needed a licence to practise in the state. So don’t worry, Abby, I’m covered.’ She gave a little nod. ‘Just dial 032 and tell them what you’ve got. One of our nurse practitioners will monitor the patient for you and I’ll get one of the residents to come and assist you with the procedure.’ ‘Will there be any issues with your own cardiologist?’ ‘Absolutely not. Our own cardiologist is currently thirty-eight weeks pregnant and has a full clinic this morning.’ She gave a wave of her hand. ‘I’ll speak to her, you don’t need to worry.’ She listened while he finished the call, glancing over the medical records in front of her. Everything seemed good: no underlying conditions; no obvious problems with the baby. All antenatal care meticulously charted. Dr Blair was obviously no slouch—but then, this was the President’s baby. She reached over to grab the receiver as he hung up, her hand brushing against his. A delicious little zing shot up her arm. One that she hadn’t felt in— how long? He must have felt it too as their eyes locked. And Abby stayed there. Frozen in that second in time. A whirlwind of electric memories all came back instantly—the long, lazy afternoons they’d spent together, the easy, comfortable relationship that they’d had together, the times when they’d both opened their mouths to speak and both said the same thing simultaneously, and the long, hot nights they’d spent locked in each other’s arms. In that instant she was twenty-four again, her long blonde hair blowing in the wind as they’d stood at the top of the hill in Washington and he’d promised that he would stay with her for ever. A promise that had soon been broken. Broken on that same hill only a few months later. A promise that had broken her heart and sent her tumbling into an abyss. But time had passed now. Time that appeared to have etched a few fine lines into Luke’s forehead, making him seem older and maybe a little more careworn. ‘Hello? Hello? Is someone there?’ Abby jolted from the daydream she’d been hiding in and stared at the phone receiver in her hand. She’d dialled the number automatically without even realising that she’d done it. ‘Hi, David, it’s Abby Tyler here. I’ve got a bit of an obstetric emergency. I wondered if you would mind coming in for a consult?’ A smile danced across her lips as she listened to the voice at the end of the phone. She could sense Luke’s eyes on her, willing her not to say anything that would reveal the identity of their patient. ‘Ten minutes would be great. Thanks, David.’ She replaced the phone and grinned. ‘That’s our emergency obstetrician. He’ll be here soon.’ Luke leaned back against the nearby wall and folded his arms across his wide chest. His brow furrowed suspiciously. ‘Why do I get the feeling you’re not telling me something, Abby?’ She shook her head and winked at him. ‘You’ll see.’ A wave of fear swept across Luke’s chest. ‘No funny stuff, Abby. He’s definitely an obstetrician?’ ‘Oh, yes, he’s definitely an obstetrician.’ One of the nearby nurse practitioners walked up quickly and touched Luke’s arm. ‘Dr Storm?’ He nodded swiftly. ‘We’ll be set up for you in the next ten minutes, I’m just going to get the patient.’ She nodded towards Abby. ‘Dr Tyler will tell you where we are.’ She carried on down the corridor and into the trauma room to collect Dr Blair. ‘Some things never change.’ Abby surveyed the surrounding chaos around her. Her once peaceful emergency department looked as if it had been invaded by a black-suited army. ‘What?’ Luke glanced around him. ‘Storm by name, Storm by nature.’ ‘You know I hate it when you say that.’ ‘That makes it all the more fun.’ She watched as one black-suited man talked into his jacket lapel, while holding his finger to his ear, as if listening for a reply. She raised her eyebrow at Luke. ‘We still have a problem here, Luke.’ ‘What do you mean?’ The last thing he needed was more problems. ‘I’m a paediatrician. I do children—kids.’ She wiggled her hand in the air. ‘I do some babies but certainly not early babies. Not neonates. We might have an obstetrician but what we really need is a neonatologist. And I’m not that.’ She shook her head. ‘This really isn’t my specialty.’ Luke folded his arms across his chest. ‘I’ve never known you to run from a challenge.’ Abby waved her hand around her. ‘In an emergency situation I could probably muddle through. But if the baby needs supported ventilation then we just don’t have the facilities, and this is the President’s baby, Luke.’ ‘I know that.’ He ran his fingers through his hair in exasperation. ‘Well, what the hell are you doing here? Mendocino Valley, of all places?’ His arm swept outwards across the expanse of the department. Abby was instantly irritated. ‘What do you mean by that?’ Luke tilted his head. ‘Last time I saw you, you had just been offered the job of a lifetime in San Francisco. Five years later I find you here, in some backwater clinic in the middle of nowhere. What happened, Abby?’ Abby shook her head and carefully closed the notes in front of her, bringing them up and clutching them to her chest. ‘Just shows how little you really knew me, Luke. It might well have been the job of a lifetime, but it wasn’t my job of a lifetime. You happened, Luke. You made me re-evaluate my life. And even though I didn’t think it at the time, you probably did me a favour. I love being here in Mendocino Valley. I do still work in San Francisco, but I only took the job because it means I can work here, in Pelican Cove, for twelve weeks a year. This is where I want to be.’ Luke’s cool eyes watched her carefully, a wave of guilt sweeping over him. For the second time in five minutes he wondered what she wasn’t telling him. She was holding the case notes to her chest as if she were protecting a closely guarded secret. The Abby Tyler he’d known had had the world at her feet. She’d been approached by three prestigious university hospitals to take part in their paediatric residency programmes. She’d been dedicated and focused. Something about this wasn’t quite right. Why would the woman who’d been top of her class and had had the pick of any job be working in a backwater place like this? CHAPTER TWO (#ulink_c52906cb-428a-5744-9a9f-d366059bd7f3) ABBY watched with a sinking feeling in her heart as the nitrazine paper turned the tell-tale shade of blue. She raised her head and gave Jennifer a rueful smile as she showed her the paper. ‘Well, I think we can safely say that your membranes have ruptured.’ ‘They have?’ ‘Yes. This paper turns blue when it comes into contact with amniotic fluid.’ Jennifer blew out a long, slow breath from her pursed lips. ‘It’s too early. What happens now?’ Abby snapped off her gloves, walking quickly to the sink to wash her hands. She finished and sat down at the side of the bed next to Jennifer, trying to work out what to tell her. ‘It won’t really be up to me, it will be up to Dr Fairgreaves—the obstetrician that’s coming to see you. I just needed to confirm your membranes had ruptured so I can give him the whole picture.’ ‘Do you need to examine me any further?’ Jennifer gave a little grimace and Abby knew exactly what she meant. She shook her head. ‘No, actually, that wouldn’t be a good idea right now. Ideally what we want to do right now is to delay you going into labour for as long as possible.’ ‘Tell it to me straight, Dr Tyler.’ Abby leaned over and held Jennifer’s hand. ‘There are a number of things for Dr Fairgreaves to consider.’ She held up the buff-coloured folder. ‘From your notes I see that you’re currently 31 weeks and 4 days. He may decide to give you some steroids to help mature your baby’s lungs in case of early delivery. He might also decide to give you some antibiotics to help prevent infection.’ ‘Am I going to deliver early?’ Abby shook her head. ‘I’m not really qualified to tell you that. I do know that about 80 per cent of women whose membranes rupture go into labour within four days.’ Jennifer took a deep breath and her hands rested automatically on her swollen abdomen. ‘What are my baby’s chances?’ Abby shook her head. ‘We’ll talk about that when Dr Fairgreaves gets here. I want to hear what his professional opinion is before we start leaping to any conclusions. From right now, though, you’re on strict bed rest.’ Jennifer threw up her hands in frustration. ‘But I’ve already been on bed rest!’ Abby raised one eyebrow. ‘Have you?’ Jennifer watched her carefully before finally answering, ‘Well, maybe not complete bed rest.’ ‘We need to monitor your baby for any signs of distress and monitor you for any sign of infection.’ She hesitated a little before continuing, ‘It might also be advisable to move you to a hospital with better facilities for pre-term babies.’ Jennifer looked deep in thought and bit her bottom lip. ‘Where would that be?’ ‘The nearest is San Francisco Children’s Hospital. They have a special ICU for premature deliveries.’ ‘No.’ The voice was clear and decisive and took Abby completely by surprise. ‘What?’ Jennifer folded her arms firmly across her chest. ‘I’m staying here.’ Abby shook her head in disbelief. ‘Why on earth would you want to stay here?’ ‘Wouldn’t moving me be dangerous?’ Abby shifted uncomfortably. Jennifer’s sharp retort unnerved her. In an instant she was in a witness box and being cross-examined by the more-than-capable lawyer. This wasn’t her specialty and she was beginning to feel at little out of her depth. ‘This is a conversation you need to have with your obstetrician.’ ‘Oh.’ This response was different. Quiet and unsure. She’d gone from being a feisty lawyer to an imminent first-time mom in a matter of seconds. This woman was more scared than she was letting on. ‘What’s he like?’ Jennifer ran her fingers through her uncombed hair. ‘Your obstetrician.’ She hesitated for a second. ‘Is he good?’ Abby gave her a little smile. ‘Officially he’s retired. But in answer to your question he’s better than good—he’s great.’ She was interrupted by a heavy knock at the door. ‘Abby…Dr Tyler, can I see you please?’ Abby could hear the anxiety in Luke’s voice. She gave Jennifer a smile, picked up the notes and headed to the door. ‘I’ll be back in a few minutes.’ She pulled a pen from her pocket as she opened the door. She wanted to make sure she’d recorded everything perfectly. With her head in the notes she walked straight into Luke’s broad chest. ‘Ow! Luke, what are you doing?’ Luke shook his head and pointed sideways in exasperation. ‘Please tell me that isn’t your obstetrician.’ Abby followed to where his finger was pointing to a small dishevelled character dressed from head to toe in fishing gear, with an upright fishing rod perched precariously in his hand. He was surrounded on all sides by men in black suits and was protesting loudly, ‘Who the hell are you lot?’ Abby’s face broke into a wide smile. ‘It certainly is,’ she said as she shouldered her way past the security detail. ‘Dr Fairgreaves, I’m so glad you’re here.’ She wrapped him in a warm embrace and pulled him to one side. ‘We need to have a private chat about our patient.’ She handed him the buff-coloured folder and watched as he ran his eyes over the presidential seal on the bottom corner of the notes. His eyes narrowed. ‘Who’s this?’ He gestured in frustration as a figure appeared at Abby’s side. Luke. ‘I was just about to ask you the same question,’ he muttered under his breath. ‘I might be old, son, but there’s nothing wrong with my hearing.’ ‘Well, do you always come to work looking like this?’ Luke gestured towards the fishing gear. ‘Son, I try not to come to work at all if I can help it. I’m retired.’ ‘You’re retired?’ Luke’s voice rose in pitch. Abby cleared her throat loudly before the conversation got out of hand. ‘Luke, I’d like you to meet Dr David Fairgreaves, our honorary obstetrician, and, David, I’d like you to meet Dr Luke Storm, he’s a cardiologist from Washington who brought the First Lady in.’ David’s brow furrowed in confusion. ‘Why the hell is a cardiologist bringing a pregnant lady to hospital?’ Abby smiled. In an instant she wasn’t the First Lady any more, she was simply an expectant mother, like any other. She loved that about David Fairgreaves—even though he’d been pursued by many dignitaries and celebrities for his services, he never wasted time on pomp and ceremony. His patients were just that, his patients. Abby slid her arm around David Fairgreaves’s shoulders, ‘Her own obstetrician is currently having an MI—Luke is about to treat him.’ David stared at Luke for a moment before finally grunting, ‘Fine, then.’ He sat down and started reading the notes. Luke stood frozen to the spot. ‘David Fairgreaves? The David Fairgreaves?’ Abby nodded in recognition of the man who was famous all over America for his ground-breaking work. He’d received numerous awards for pioneering the procedure to retrieve stem cells from the umbilical cord. Something that seemed almost commonplace now, but at the time had been a real revolutionary leap of faith. He’d done that while continuing to work as an obstetrician and was known as one of the best in America. Luke groaned. ‘This is turning into a bad TV show. What on earth is David Fairgreaves doing here?’ ‘You mean in this backwater place?’ She couldn’t help the sarcasm that crept into her voice. Then, seeing the expression on his face, Abby sneaked her hand around his waist and gave him a quick hug. Luke’s stress levels seemed to be going through the roof. The warmth of his body immediately poured through her skin. She raised her head up towards his and smiled. ‘Fishing.’ ‘What?’ Luke looked totally bewildered. She shrugged her shoulders. ‘He’s got a fishing boat in Pelican Cove, and now he’s retired he spends half the year here. We have an informal arrangement together that I can call him out for any obstetric emergencies and he loves it.’ Luke studied the man in the rumpled clothes sitting in the chair in front of him. ‘He looks about a hundred and ten,’ he whispered. ‘Well, he’s not quite that old,’ she whispered back, ‘and he’s as sharp as a tack so don’t annoy him.’ Luke looked as if he could spontaneously combust at any second. Abby pulled her arm from his waist and turned to face him, taking both his hands in hers. ‘Look on the bright side, Luke. If someone had asked you to pick any doctor in the world to deliver the President’s pre-term baby, who would you have picked?’ She watched as the significance of her words began to sink in. The deep wrinkles in Luke’s forehead began to soften. ‘I guess you’re right,’ he said. ‘You know I am.’ She lifted herself up on her tip toes and kissed the tip of his nose. ‘Now, go and deal with your MI. I’ll come and find you if there’s any problems.’ He nodded, still lost in thought, before taking a deep breath and pulling his hands from hers. ‘Okay,’ he murmured as he turned and started to head off down the corridor. Abby watched for a second. Her lips felt as if they were on fire. A thousand little pins were prickling them, leaving them alive with sensation after touching his skin. ‘Dr Tyler?’ Abby started at the deep voice behind her. ‘Yes?’ ‘I’m James Turner.’ He held out his hand towards her. ‘I’m in charge of the protective detail for the First Lady.’ Abby nodded silently. The craggy-faced man from earlier. He was a large, imposing fellow with a small scar that snaked across the bridge of his nose. Her mind exploded with a thousand possibilities as to how it had got there, before his intense gaze jerked her back into focus. ‘Sorry,’ she muttered. ‘What can I do for you, Mr Turner?’ ‘This is your department?’ It didn’t sound like a question coming from his lips, more like a statement. ‘Yes, it is.’ ‘Well, sorry, ma’am, but I need to close your emergency department down.’ ‘What?’ Abby’s screech of disbelief echoed around the building. ‘You most certainly will not. I won’t let you. You don’t have the authority to do that…’ He silenced her by holding his hand up directly in front of her face. ‘I do have the authority. As of now, your department is closed. I also need access to all your personnel files.’ ‘What?’ This was just going from bad to worse. He wanted to close her department and then spend the day looking at files? ‘I need to have access to everyone’s history. We need to run security checks on everyone in the building.’ ‘You want to do what? No! You can’t do that!’ ‘Yes, yes, I can. And I will.’ His broad hand had caught her arm to stop her gesticulating wildly. ‘Nothing is more important than the safety and security of the First Lady.’ Abby took a deep breath. ‘Look, Mr Turner, while I appreciate you have a job to do—so do I. This is a small community.’ She waved her arm around the department. ‘I know every single member of staff here. None of them are a risk to the First Lady’s safety or security. I can personally vouch for them all.’ ‘That’s very nice, Dr Tyler.’ He shot her a white-toothed, crooked grin. ‘But it’s not going to cut it. We’ll run our own checks on everyone here.’ He glanced around the bustling department. ‘And we’re going to have to restrict the number of staff.’ Abby shook her head. ‘This is a community hospital, Mr Turner. We serve a widespread population that doesn’t have easy access to emergency facilities. If you close us down, the nearest emergency unit is 50 miles away. If there’s an accident at one of the nearby saw mills, or at the harbour, that travel time could cost the life of a patient. We also have links with a special-needs school near here—Parkside. We often have children brought in with breathing or feeding difficulties—taking them somewhere else would cause immense difficulties.’ She glanced towards the white board, which only showed three patients in the department at the moment—two of whom were with James Turner. ‘We’re not normally this quiet.’ Her mind was spinning with endless possibilities. ‘I know this isn’t an ideal situation but the most realistic solution is to move Jennifer Taylor to one of the ward areas once Dr Fairgreaves has examined her. If she’s out of the emergency department, do you really have to close us down?’ Abby couldn’t keep the pleading sound out of her voice. She just couldn’t turn patients away, not when they needed her. ‘I’ll let you see the personnel records if you want—just let me check with the hospital administrator. You’re not going to find anything anyway, but please don’t close down the emergency department.’ ‘Do you have floor plans for the hospital?’ He hadn’t moved a muscle. Abby was sure he hadn’t even blinked. ‘What? Yes…yes, I think so.’ She pointed over his shoulder. ‘They’ll be in the hospital administrator’s office.’ ‘I’ll get back to you, Dr Tyler.’ He turned swiftly on his heel and stalked off in the direction of the nearby office. Abby leaned back against the nearby wall and breathed a huge sigh of relief. There was only one other patient in the department right now. Dr Fairgreaves was dealing with Jennifer Taylor. She’d need to wait and see what his recommendations would be. She glanced at her watch and stared up the corridor. She could almost feel the invisible pull. Luke was up there. Probably performing an angioplasty. It had been years since she’d seen him at work. Maybe it was time to go and offer some moral support? Luke’s head was spinning. He pushed open the door to the changing room with unexpected venom and started as it thumped off the wall. The First Lady was going to have her baby. Her obstetrician had had an MI. The new obstetrician looked like a tramp but had the credentials of a king. And they were stuck in some backwater part of Mendocino Valley. Stuck with Abby Tyler. He couldn’t have made this up. He tugged at his red tie and undid the buttons on his shirt, stuffing them in a nearby empty locker. Behind him he found a variety of sizes of theatre scrubs and pulled the familiar clothing over his head. And she’d kissed him. The lightest kiss, as if a feather had brushed the tip of his nose, and it had sent his blood soaring through his veins as if a rocket had just taken off. What on earth was happening? They’d laughed through their medical training together, stressed through their exams, but spent most of their time in each other’s arms. And for a while he had never been happier. The dark cloud that had hung over his head since his brother had died had finally lifted. He’d met the woman of his dreams. The woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Until she’d started to talk about the future. Their future. A future that involved them having a family. And the dark cloud had appeared again, nestling around his head and shoulders until it had completely enveloped him. They had been midway through their specialist training by then—he in cardiology, she in paediatrics. And he’d begun to see her in a completely different light. Whenever she’d spoken about the kids, even the ones with terrible outcomes, she’d had a sparkle in her eyes. On the few occasions he’d gone to pick her up from the ward, he’d never found her stuck in an office with her head in the notes—no, she had always been right in the middle of things, leading the games in the middle of the ward, usually with a child under each arm. He’d seen a few of his friends start to flourish when they’d commenced their specialty, becoming more animated and enthusiastic when they’d spoken about their work. But Abby had truly blossomed. She had excelled at her job and hadn’t hidden her thrill at finally specialising in paediatrics. And after years of study that’s when she’d started to plan ahead. To plan for a family. A family he could never have. And that’s when he’d broken her heart. That’s when he told her he was infertile—an unfortunate complication of teenage mumps. There had been so many other things going on in his life at the time, and although he had known it was important, he hadn’t taken the time or had the maturity to understand the wider implications—that one day he would meet the woman of his dreams and she would want a family. A family he couldn’t give her. Maybe it was his fault? Maybe he should have told her right from the beginning that he couldn’t have kids. But then again, it wasn’t your everyday normal topic of conversation. But three years into their relationship—when he’d started to see the signs—he’d sat her down and told her. To give her her due, Abby had made all the right noises, told him it didn’t matter, that she loved him and that they would find a way to have a family together. But for Luke it had been the death knell of their relationship. From the moment he’d heard the word ‘infertile’ he’d blocked out all thoughts of a family. Surely there was a hidden message there? If he couldn’t have kids naturally, maybe he wasn’t meant to have kids? She’d talked about donor sperm, adoption, other possibilities—but he hadn’t wanted to think about those options. Truth was he wasn’t ready to consider those options as he hadn’t really faced up to his infertility yet. So he’d shut himself off from those conversations and had point-blank refused to consider any possibilities. Every time after that he’d looked at Abby, he’d felt as if he was cheating her. Cheating her out of the opportunity to be a mother. Five years they’d been together but they’d slowly, but surely, drifted apart. The door on the other side leading into the theatre swung open. ‘Dr Storm?’ A pretty Asian woman looked at him, her dark hair poking out from under a theatre cap. He nodded. She stuck out her hand. ‘Good, I’m Dr Lydia King. Abby sent me along to assist you.’ He gave her a little nod in recognition as he shook her hand and she backed out the door again. ‘I’ll just check on the patient and see you in there.’ A wave of anticipation swept over Luke as he pushed open the doors and entered the cardiac cath lab, quickly followed by a wave of nausea, most likely because he hadn’t had a chance to eat yet today. He glanced about him quickly, taking in the layout and equipment available. One of the NPs appeared at his side. ‘We’re all set up for you.’ She pointed in the direction of the sinks. ‘You can scrub up over there and I’ll gown you up. Would you like to come over and speak to Dr Blair first?’ Luke gave her a quick smile. ‘Of course I would.’ It only took three strides to cross over to where Dr Blair was lying on the table, monitors attached, pale and sweaty. ‘How’s Jennifer?’ he gasped. Luke gave him a quick pat on the shoulder. ‘She’s just being examined now by one of the obstetricians but she’s doing fine. Let’s worry about you first.’ He watched the rapid, shallow breaths. ‘Let me explain the procedure to you.’ Dr Blair waved his hand in the air. ‘Son, don’t teach an old dog new tricks, just stick the thing in and get this blockage cleared. I feel as if a train is sitting on my chest,’ he wheezed. Luke nodded. ‘Give me a few minutes while I scrub up and I’ll talk to you while we’re doing the procedure.’ He cast his eyes over one of the nearby monitors. ‘Can Dr Blair have some oxygen, please?’ The NP nodded before pulling a mask over Dr Blair’s head. She followed Luke over to the sink and waited while he scrubbed up. The door open and he turned as Abby came in. ‘Hi, Luke. You don’t mind a spectator, do you? I don’t get the chance to come in here much.’ Luke shook his head and shot her a gleaming smile from beneath his blue theatre hat. ‘Of course I don’t, Abby, you’re welcome in my cath lab any time.’ The words sent a shiver running down Abby’s spine and she felt a little warmth in her cheeks as she looked anxiously around the room. Had anyone else noticed? No, everyone else was going about their daily business. No one had noticed a thing. Maybe it was all in her mind? And then he began. And it was like watching a master at work. ‘Are we ready to start?’ Luke asked Lydia and she gave him a quick nod as she finished administering the sedative. ‘Okay, Dr Blair, I’m just going to insert a little local anaesthetic down here.’ Abby watched as Luke swabbed the groin area surrounded by surgical drapes then numbed the area with local anaesthetic. He waited a few moments before lifting a scalpel and making a small nick into the skin, then expertly inserted the sheath into the artery. With slow and deliberate actions he watched the X-ray monitor carefully as he slowly guided the catheter into place until it reached the site of the blockage. Over the course of the next 30 minutes he inserted the contrast material and established the full extent of the blockage. ‘Okay, Dr Blair, there is quite a significant blockage in your artery so I’m going to insert a stent to ensure we keep your artery open.’ He turned his head and exchanged a few words with Lydia, who gave him a nod in approval. ‘I’m going to use one of the newer drug-eluting stents. Have you heard of them?’ Dr Blair gave a little shake of his head from the theatre table. ‘This type of stent is coated with a medication that is slowly released to help keep the blood vessel from re-narrowing. They’ve just recently been approved for clinical use in the coronary arteries and I’ve had some really favourable results when I’ve used them.’ ‘Whatever you think, Doc.’ Dr Blair waved his hand in nonchalance from the effect of the sedatives. Luke gave a little smile and continued. Abby watched from the sidelines. He was an entirely different character in here. In his familiar medical setting Luke was the calmest man in the room. The consummate professional, who was relaxed and happy in his field of expertise. She almost laughed. She’d forgotten just how good he was. But take him out of his expert field… A smile danced across her lips as she remembered the look on his face when he’d entered her emergency room—with his furrowed brow and anxiety levels reaching skyward. Not to mention when he’d first set eyes on Dr Fairgreaves in his fishing gear. She’d thought at that point he was going to blow a gasket at the thought of some country bumpkin delivering the President’s baby. But in here he was cool, calm and collected. None of the previous worries or anxieties showed. She watched as he spoke quietly to his surrounding staff, expertly guiding the stent into place, before removing the guide wire and catheter and applying firm pressure on the site. He stood there for ten minutes, continuing to reinforce to Dr Blair what he’d done and giving instructions on follow-up care to the staff. ‘Can we keep him flat initially, please, and monitor the catheter site for bleeding and swelling? You can give me a call if there are any problems.’ He looked over his shoulder. ‘Abby, do you have an emergency page you can give me in the meantime?’ Abby lifted her hand to show the pager she was already holding in her hand. ‘Your wish is my command.’ She laughed. ‘Just as well I switched my telepathic powers on this morning.’ She turned to the other staff. ‘You’ll be able to page Dr Storm on 556. If you forget, I’ve given his details to the switchboard operator.’ She turned back to Luke, just as his stomach let out a loud rumble. ‘Come on, I’ll wait with you while you change. I think it’s about time we had a coffee.’ Music to his ears. This was the weirdest day in history. Luke smiled as he held open the door for her. Thank the Lord for mixed changing rooms. Abby walked in front of him and his eyes fixated on her butt. She was wearing the same thin green scrubs he was, but on her they seemed so much more alluring. He squinted, trying to see through them. Where was her VPL? There was none. What did that mean? He felt a rush of blood. Thank the Lord that no one else was in here. ‘Do you do killer-strength coffee here?’ She raised her eyebrow. ‘In this backwater town? Do you still take four shots in one cup?’ The door banged shut behind them and he caught her by the waist and spun her around. ‘What do you think?’ Through the thin scrubs that she was wearing he could feel the warmth of her skin. Her head was just below his chin and there was that strawberry lip gloss again. Invading his senses and making every hair on his body stand on end. He gave out a little involuntary groan as she stepped closer, pressing her body against his. To hell with decorum. There had been too many distractions today already. ‘I think my telepathic powers are still working,’ she whispered, fixing him with her deep brown eyes. ‘And you’re not thinking about coffee any more.’ ‘Five years is a long time, Abby,’ he growled. ‘Five years is a very long time, Luke.’ It was all the indication he needed. His hands crept around the edges of her waist, pulling her even closer, pressing her firm breasts against his muscled chest. Her head was tilted upwards towards his. Her eyes already half-shut, lips slightly parted in readiness for his kiss. Using all the restraint he could muster, he bent his head and kissed her lightly, slowly, his teeth brushing her bottom lip. Her hands slid up around his neck, pulling him even closer. This was heaven. Heaven that he hadn’t known in five years. The kiss grew deeper, more passionate, bringing with it the most natural, primal response. This would be the time in the movie that the romantic music started playing and they both fell to the floor in the bedroom of the beach house, with the patio doors wide open to the beach, a tropical sunset and waves lapping up towards them. But it wasn’t. Right now all he wanted to do was have her. Right here. Right now. On the changing-room floor. Up against the wall. He didn’t care. He slid his hand inside her scrub trousers. Bare skin. He almost groaned out loud. Then his fingers caught it, the edge of her thong. Abby in a thong. Now, there was a sight he hadn’t seen in years. His fingers flicked a little lower and she let out a gasp. It stopped him in his tracks. Luke stepped back reluctantly, releasing her from his grasp, knowing that at any moment anyone could walk through either of the changing-room doors. ‘Abby…’ ‘Don’t. Don’t say anything, Luke.’ Her breathing was hard and ragged. She adjusted her scrub top, which had ridden up past her waist, pulling it down sharply to reveal her erect nipples, clearly visible through the thin fabric. His eyes fixated on the view, causing her to look down and cross her arms in front of her chest in embarrassment. ‘Stop it.’ ‘I wasn’t doing anything.’ The corners of his lips turned upwards in the beginnings of a smile. Abby sat down on the nearby bench and put her head in her hands. ‘This is madness.’ Luke hovered for an instant, unsure of what to do next, before sitting down next to her. His thigh brushed against hers and she jerked her leg away. Her fingers parted slightly and she peeked out at him. ‘Stop touching me.’ He raised his eyebrow. ‘I am not having a conversation with a pair of hands.’ ‘You’re going to have to, because I can’t stand looking at you.’ ‘No, I’m not.’ His broad hands enveloped hers and gently pulled them away from her flushed face. ‘We’re adults, Abby, not children.’ ‘You’re making me feel as if I’m eighteen again.’ Laughter lines appeared all around his eyes as a huge smile took over his face. He leaned forward and whispered in her ear, ‘Now, that I really would like to see again.’ She swatted at his leg as a new wash of red swept up into her cheeks. ‘Stop it. No, I mean it, stop it.’ Luke leaned back against the wall, folding his arms across his chest as he watched her babble. He was amused. The unflappable Abby Tyler was flustered. This was twice in one day. Had he ever seen her this way before? She stood up and started pacing across the room. ‘You’ve got a lot of nerve, you know? Coming in here with the First Lady, the First Lady no less, and wreaking havoc in my emergency room. And as for the black brigade—they seem to have an amazing ability to self-replicate—they’re like a virus. One minute there’s five of them, two minutes later there’s ten of them! Where do they come from?’ She threw her hands in the air in exasperation. ‘And James Turner—the Man in Black— threatened to shut my emergency department! And do you know they’re checking the personnel files of all my staff? How dare they? Bursting in here, taking over the place, then checking on my staff, my staff! Who do they think they are?’ Her voice had reached fever pitch by now. Abby was frustrated. She was beyond frustrated. Sexually frustrated. Something she hadn’t experienced in five years. She’d just gone from the starting blocks to practically the finishing line in the flicker of an eye. Or more like the flicker of a finger. But this wasn’t her. She didn’t do things like this any more. So why were her legs like jelly? Why couldn’t she look him in the eye? And why was she ranting and raving like an idiot? Things had changed. She couldn’t do anything like this now. ‘Have you finished?’ ‘Hell, no! And as for you…’ She pointed a finger at him accusingly. ‘You virtually disappeared off the planet. No nice emails, no phone calls. Then you come in here after all this time and kiss me! Kiss me as if we’ve never been apart.’ And please kiss me again, only this time don’t stop. ‘I don’t know what you’ve been doing for the last five years, or where you’ve been, or who you’ve been with.’ Her voice fell as a sudden realisation hit her. ‘You could be married for all I know.’ Her eyes fell automatically to his left hand. No ring. Her eyes met his. ‘Are you?’ Luke shook his head. In an instant the colour had left her face, leaving her deathly pale. She looked as if she could fall over. He stood up and caught her by the shoulders. ‘Abby, calm down.’ He shook his head. ‘I’m not married—of course I’m not married—I wouldn’t be kissing you if I was.’ The words hung in the air. He lifted his finger and touched her cheek. ‘And you know why there were no phone calls, no emails. Not because I didn’t care, Abby. I cared too much. And we both had to move on. I couldn’t do that if I’d seen or spoken to you every day—and it looks like you couldn’t too. You moved here, remember?’ She looked stunned. He was touching her again and the heat from his body was electric, causing ripple effects all over again. She shrugged her shoulders out from under his grasp. ‘I told you to stop touching me,’ she muttered as she turned around and started pulling things from the locker in front of her. ‘Here, put your clothes back on, please.’ She shoved his trousers at him, her hands feeling the expensive fabric beneath her fingers. ‘I guess you didn’t buy these in Target, did you?’ Her eyes fell to the obvious lump in his scrubs. It was still there. It hadn’t disappeared in an instant. After all this time she could still have a long-lasting effect on him. Was that good or bad? ‘Well, hurry up and put them on, maybe they’ll give you a little more coverage.’ She turned and pulled out his now crumpled white shirt and silk red tie, glancing at the labels. ‘You must be Washington’s best-dressed doctor.’ Luke shook his head and grabbed the shirt out of her hands, dropping it on the bench next to him as he pulled his scrub top over his head. Abby stood frozen to the spot. The last time she’d seen those sun-kissed pecs and abs she’d been all over them. There was something really disconcerting about standing in an enclosed space with a half-dressed man who’d just kissed you. And his cheeky grin was infuriating her. No, really infuriating her. This was all just a joke to him. He didn’t know how much her stomach was churning. She didn’t even care that the First Lady and her SWOT team were there. Well, maybe that wasn’t strictly true. But the First Lady was a patient, and patients she could deal with. Ex-lovers who’d broken her heart she couldn’t. Especially when they looked like Luke. With his white-blond hair, tanned skin and gleaming teeth he looked as if any minute now an ad company would come running in with their cameras, strap a surfboard to his back and whizz him off to an exotic beach location somewhere for a photo shoot. She watched as he turned slightly to put his arm in his sleeve. Her breath caught in her throat as she saw something new, a little zigzag scar running across his shoulder blade. Before she had time to even think about it her finger was touching it. ‘That’s new. What happened?’ He stopped, leaving his shirt hanging halfway down his back as the tip of her finger lightly traced the line of the scar. ‘Abby…’ ‘What?’ She was mesmerised by the ragged, uplifted skin. Maybe Luke wasn’t so perfect, after all? Luke took a deep breath and glanced downwards. ‘Stop touching me,’ he growled. She followed his gaze and pulled her hand back sharply. ‘Oops, sorry.’ She took a few steps and flattened herself against the far wall. She couldn’t touch him from over there. Just as well. She averted her eyes as he stepped out of the flimsy scrubs and into his designer trousers. Well, she tried to move her gaze, but still happened to catch the slightest glimpse of his trademark white tight-fitting shorts. Shorts that left nothing to the imagination, causing her to feel a tingling sensation between her thighs. ‘You’re driving me crazy,’ he growled again. ‘Sorry.’ She turned her back and found herself staring at the wall. Great. She was trapped in an enclosed space with a man she hadn’t seen in five years and all she wanted to do was jump on him. Now she really was acting like a teenager. Who was this Abby Tyler? Time to change the subject. ‘So how did you get the job?’ ‘What job?’ ‘Working for the President, of course!’ ‘Oh, that job.’ She heard him rustling for a moment. ‘You can turn around now.’ Could she? Would he be completely undressed and ready for her? She whipped around. There he was. Fully dressed and still looking good enough to eat. She almost gave a sigh of disappointment. ‘Straighten your tie,’ she said as she pointed at the crooked tie. ‘I’d do it for you but I’m not allowed to touch.’ He gave her a sarcastic smile as he straightened his tie. ‘I don’t really work for the President. I’m just on his list.’ ‘What does that mean—on his list?’ Luke shrugged his shoulders. ‘I think they just like to cover all eventualities. I was approached a few years ago and asked if I would be the President’s cardiologist. They ran a huge number of checks on me, with my permission of course, and after a few months came back and explained that they would call if I was needed.’ ‘I thought all the President’s doctors were from the military?’ Luke shrugged his shoulders. ‘They usually are. But the military doesn’t cover all areas. The President’s physician is from the military and he’s in charge of the White House medical unit. But some of the other specialists are like me—just called in when, and if, they’re needed. Dr Blair was Jennifer Taylor’s family obstetrician. She brought him with her, because it’s been a long time since the White House needed an obstetrician.’ ‘So you’ve never actually met him?’ Luke shook his head. ‘No, and today was the first time I’d met the First Lady too.’ ‘And here was me thinking that you were their best friend! I guess it didn’t hurt that you were connected?’ His face darkened. ‘I’d like to think they contacted me because of my professional expertise, rather than the fact my father’s a senator.’ Abby flinched. Well, that was one way to dampen the sexual tension in the room. She should have known better. Luke’s relationship with his father was strained enough, without her insinuating that he’d been given an easy route into a prestigious position. She’d forgotten how much he prickled at the mere mention of his father. ‘I’m sure they did.’ She held open the nearby door, allowing some cool, fresh air into the claustrophobic changing room—just what they both needed—and resisting the temptation to look and see if the telltale bulge in his trousers was under control yet. ‘Are you ready? Let’s go and get you that four-shot coffee you wanted.’ ‘Actually, I’m not strictly a four-shot drinker any more. I’ve mellowed.’ Abby choked in disbelief at the words. ‘You? Mellowed? Well, I never thought I’d see the day!’ He quirked an eyebrow at her. ‘I might surprise you.’ He grabbed the door and fell into step beside her, his arm draping easily across her shoulders, like it was the most natural thing in the world. And it was. She gave him a sideways smile. ‘Luke?’ ‘Yeah?’ ‘We’re going to have to have some rules about touching…’ CHAPTER THREE (#ulink_b9f44849-6ba7-55d9-a507-cd56db58c7aa) THE canteen was small and informal, nothing like the chaotic and bustling university hospital canteen Luke was used to. ‘Your usual, Abby?’ the assistant called from behind the serving counter. ‘Thanks, Jan.’ She turned and looked at Luke. ‘What would you like?’ Luke resisted the temptation to say what came to mind and looked around, puzzled. The place was immaculate but he couldn’t exactly see what food was on offer. ‘What’s your usual?’ Abby gave a little smile and glanced at her watch. ‘You probably expect me to have something healthy like fruit juice and an apple but, at this time of day, and because nine times out of ten I miss lunch, it’s a latte and one of Jan’s homemade pancakes.’ ‘Mmm, that sounds good. I’ll have the same.’ ‘Make that two, Jan,’ she shouted over her shoulder. Luke stuck his hand in his pocket and pulled out some money as two steaming tall latte glasses appeared, followed by two plates with hot pancakes. His stomach growled loudly at the appetising aroma, reminding him how long it had been since he’d eaten. Abby waved her arm. ‘Put your money away— I’ve got a tab.’ She lifted the tray and walked over to a nearby table, sitting down and handing him his latte glass and plate. The canteen was quiet, with only a few other people sitting at the surrounding tables. Luke leaned over and took a deep breath. ‘Mmm, this smells great. I haven’t had home-made pancakes in years.’ Abby bit her lip. When they’d lived together as medical students home-made pancakes had been one of their Sunday-morning rituals, along with a number of other things… Luke obviously didn’t remember. Maybe reliving the past wasn’t as good as Abby thought it was. He looked around him. Sunlight was streaming though the nearby window, which overlooked the lush green gardens. The canteen was at the back of the hospital, facing onto the hills. The garden beds were packed with brightly coloured flowers and obviously well tended. The bushes were shaped and trimmed into neat round circles. So instead of feeling deprived of the ocean view, this really was a little piece of paradise. ‘So how long have you worked here, Abby?’ She took a sip of her coffee. ‘For the last five years. I was lucky, I was able to transfer from Washington to San Francisco on my residency programme. And when I got here, the programme included covering shifts down here. They never needed to ask me twice. Once I was qualified, the paediatrician post came up that included coverage down here and I leapt at the chance.’ Luke nodded. Things started slotting into place. She’d transferred almost immediately after they’d broken up. It wasn’t easy to swap residency programmes, so someone must have pulled some strings. He watched as Abby spread butter over her pancake. ‘What, no syrup?’ She shook her head. ‘My tastes have changed— just like yours.’ She pointed to his coffee. Luke blinked. What did she mean, her tastes had changed? Was that a dig at him? She hadn’t kissed him as though her tastes had changed. She’d kissed him as though they’d never been apart. The silence in the air was heavy between them. Luke opened his mouth to speak again but she interrupted him. ‘So what have you been doing in Washington? I’ve seen your name on a couple of research papers.’ ‘You have?’ His eyes lit up with genuine excitement. His job was his passion. But more than that, she’d obviously been keeping tabs on his work. Why would she do that if she wasn’t interested? ‘Well, you’ll have seen I’ve helped in the development and clinical trials of one of the newer types of stents.’ She nodded in appreciation, her mouth now stuffed with pancake. ‘I’ve also been doing some drug trials—some in kids with cardiac conditions. I’ve been working with a paediatrician called Lisa Jones. Do you know her?’ It was all she could do not to choke on her pancake. Abby nodded again. Oh, she knew her all right. Lisa Jones, paediatrician extraordinaire—or so you would believe if you spoke to her. ‘Luscious Lisa’, her friends called her. Along with the motto Never leave your man alone in a room with her. Lisa did most of her best work in the horizontal position, especially around promotion time. Her eyes were automatically drawn to Luke. With his blond hair, pale blue eyes and surfer-boy build and tan, he would be a prime target for Lisa. Something that made her feel physically sick. She pushed her pancake away. ‘So what exactly has Lisa been doing for you?’ Luke raised his eyebrows at the tone in her voice. ‘She’s been identifying suitable candidates for the study,’ he said pointedly. He bent forward and took a sip of his coffee. ‘I can see you’re obviously not in her fan club.’ ‘Show me a woman that is.’ He shook his head. ‘She’s actually really clever and has a good grasp of the research ethics and principles required for drug trials.’ ‘That’s not all she usually has a good grasp of.’ Luke put down his glass, a smile creeping across his face. ‘Abby, are you jealous?’ ‘Why on earth would I be jealous?’ Right now she would cheerfully pull every one of Luscious Lisa’s mahogany locks from her head if she had a chance. A fist tightened around her heart. What on earth was wrong with her? She hadn’t seen Luke in five years—she had absolutely no right to feel jealous of any relationship he may, or may not, be having. So how come the thought of him playing bedroom hockey with Lisa Jones was driving her insane? Luke shook his head and reached across the table for her hand. ‘I’ve never seen you so riled up. You’re usually so laid back you’re horizontal.’ ‘Just like Lisa?’ The words were out before she had time to think about them. Her pager sounded loudly, causing both of them to jump. They’d been so caught up in each other that they’d almost forgotten about the situation surrounding them. Luke reluctantly released her hand. Abby glanced down at the number on her pager attached to her scrubs. She stood up immediately, pushing the chair backwards with a screech. ‘It’s Dr Fairgreaves. He needs to speak to me now.’ Luke stood up, the tell-tale worry lines appearing on his brow instantly. ‘Mind if I tag along?’ ‘Not at all.’ They headed out the doors towards the ER. Abby couldn’t shift the uncomfortable feeling in her gut. He hadn’t exactly answered her question. What had Lisa Jones been doing for Luke? And why the hell couldn’t she get thoughts of the two of them out of her mind? Dr Fairgreaves was sitting in one of the two doctors’ offices in the ER, writing furiously in the First Lady’s notes. He was still wearing his dark green fishing hat over his unruly hair but had donned a more traditional white coat. He leaned back in his chair as Abby and Luke came into the small room. ‘Do you want the good news or the bad news?’ They turned and looked at each other for a second, wondering what was coming next. Dr Fairgreaves continued. ‘The good news is that we don’t have an immediate arrival. But we probably will have at some point in the next four days. The bad news is that she doesn’t want to go back to Washington.’ ‘What?’ Luke’s voice went up about ten decibels. ‘Oh, no,’ Abby groaned, and held her head in her hands. ‘What do you mean, she doesn’t want to go back to Washington?’ Dr Fairgreaves smiled at Luke. ‘She’s quite some woman. I’d hate to be up against her in a court of law. I doubt I’d come out alive.’ ‘But that’s ridiculous.’ Luke looked around him. ‘There are no facilities here for a premature baby. Maybe if she was thirty-six or thirty-seven weeks, but not at this stage.’ Abby sagged down in a nearby chair. ‘I thought she was going to do this,’ she said quietly. Luke spun around to face her, his face incredulous. ‘You knew? And you didn’t tell me?’ Abby took a deep breath. ‘She sort of mentioned it. I told her she’d have to discuss it with Dr Fairgreaves.’ She turned to face him. ‘Sorry, David.’ He gave a little smile. ‘Not your fault.’ Luke broke in, ‘This isn’t safe. Not by a long shot. This might not be my specialty but I can’t let this happen. No, we can’t let this happen. What would normally happen in a case like this?’ David Fairgreaves took a deep breath, looking vaguely amused at how wound up Luke was becoming. ‘Actually, you have more responsibility for this than you know. Is it safe to put your patient on a plane right now? Or subject him to a long road transfer?’ ‘What? Dr Blair? Of course not. He’s had a significant MI, with angioplasty and stent insertion. He’ll need to stay here for a few days. What’s that got to do with the First Lady?’ ‘A lot, actually. She has a great deal of trust in Dr Blair. She doesn’t want to leave him.’ ‘Even if that puts her baby at risk?’ ‘It doesn’t have to.’ Luke looked stunned. ‘What do you mean? Dr Blair is in no fit state to be consulting with the First Lady right now.’ ‘To answer your earlier question, we would normally transfer a lady in Jennifer Taylor’s condition to San Francisco’s Children and Maternity Hospital, where they have excellent neonatal facilities. However, from the First Lady’s perspective, if she goes to San Francisco there will be a huge media circus. It’s a big hospital—you couldn’t possibly hope to contain the news that the First Lady was there, particularly when she’s supposed to be in Washington. But here…’ he pointed out the window at the magnificent ocean view ‘…we have a much better chance of containing the story.’ He glanced down at the notes he had made. ‘As the baby is still under thirty-two weeks, I’ve written her up for some steroids and some antibiotics. Nothing out of the ordinary and we’ll monitor her.’ He folded his arms across his chest. ‘The health and well-being of my patient comes first. She’s already under enough stress and I won’t add to it.’ He raised an eyebrow at Luke. ‘And I won’t let you add to it either.’ He turned towards Abby and handed her a blank A4 notebook and pen. ‘Make a list.’ ‘Of what?’ Her mind was spinning. But she knew he was right. Dr Fairgreaves had seen past the words and bravado and seen a frightened mom-to-be. ‘Everything you need. And everybody you need. Chances are we’ve got between one and four days to plan for this delivery.’ ‘Are you joking?’ ‘No. I’m deadly serious.’ He waved his arms. ‘It might not be an ideal situation but we can make this a safe environment for the President’s baby to be born in. All we need is the staff and the equipment. It’s only people and things. Moveable objects. Who is the best neonatologist that you know?’ ‘Lincoln Adams at San Fran.’ The name rolled off Abby’s tongue without a moment’s hesitation. ‘Then start your list with him.’ ‘But what if he won’t come?’ ‘He will.’ They all turned to the voice at the door. James Turner was leaning in the doorway, his arms folded across his chest. ‘Just make the list, Dr Tyler, and leave the logistics to me.’ She glanced towards Luke, who gave her an almost imperceptible nod. James Turner looked like a quiet force to be reckoned with. Silent but deadly. She gave a little nod. ‘Give me half an hour, Mr Taylor. I need some peace and quiet to make sure I capture everything I need. You’ll get your list.’ He moved sideways to allow her through the doorway and back out into the ER department. She stopped as she glanced around. ‘My ER department is still open?’ Her voice rose in hopefulness towards the end of the sentence. ‘There haven’t been any arrivals for the last hour, so there haven’t been any problems. We’re just about to move the First Lady. Once we’ve done that, there’ll just be some extra security posted around the building. Your ER department can function as normal.’ ‘How about I hang out in the ER while you do that list, Abby?’ Luke stood up from his chair and moved over next to her. ‘Are you sure you don’t mind?’ ‘No probs.’ His hand brushed along her back as she headed out the door, sending more tingles down her skin that seemed to connect with her lips. This was ridiculous. She was a professional with work to do. Not some love-struck teenager. It was time she got back to the business in hand. ‘And, children?’ Both of them turned to David Fairgreaves’s voice. ‘You looked as if you’d been fighting when you came in earlier.’ He folded his arms across his chest and smirked at them. ‘It’s time to kiss and make up, we’ve got work to do— work we need to do together, as a team.’ And he put his head back down and began to write. Luke sat at the main desk in the ER. Abby had been gone for nearly an hour and a half. The list was obviously taking longer than she thought. So far he’d stitched a finger, pulled a bead out of some kid’s nose and dealt with some mild chest pain. All of a sudden he had a whole new respect for the work Abby did. Children didn’t co-operate like adults. They made a fuss, or had a tantrum, and generally didn’t do a thing they were told. She had chosen this as her speciality? He plastered a smile on his face as he heard a thump on the desk. Yes, there she was. The redheaded nurse that had been whispering and pointing at him for the last hour. The last thing that he needed right now. ‘So you’re Dr Storm?’ She smiled as she twiddled a strand of her long red hair. ‘That’s right.’ He wasn’t going to do anything to encourage her. ‘I’m Viv, one of the RNs.’ She crossed her legs in front of him, clearly wanting to accentuate the long shapely limbs. ‘Pleased to meet you, Viv.’ Thump. ‘And I’m Carol.’ A brunette slid along the desk next to Viv. Hadn’t these staff ever heard of sitting on chairs? Great. Two for the price of one. ‘So how do you know Dr Tyler?’ asked Carol curiously. ‘We were med students together in Washington.’ Carol’s brow wrinkled. ‘But Abby trained in San Francisco.’ He smiled. ‘I know that. She started her training with me and transferred a little later.’ Viv moved in for the kill. ‘So you won’t know anyone else here, then?’ ‘No, no, I don’t.’ ‘So where will you be staying tonight?’ The words were like a bolt out of the blue. Luke hadn’t even given it a moment’s thought. Where was he going to stay tonight? He glanced around, looking for James Turner—maybe he’d already made plans for his staff and included Luke in them? ‘I’m not sure yet. But I think that something will already have been arranged.’ Please let something have been arranged. ‘If you don’t have any plans for tonight, you could come to the hospital barbeque.’ ‘What?’ Luke was feeling momentarily distracted. Viv had just leaned forward and was revealing a certain amount of cleavage and he was feeling distinctly uncomfortable. It wasn’t the first time a woman had been obvious around him. But here he was definitely out of his comfort zone. He couldn’t walk away and talk to another colleague. He couldn’t make an excuse and go and see to one of his many patients—he’d just checked on Dr Blair and he was sleeping. He didn’t even have an office to go and retreat to. He was feeling like a fly caught in a spider’s web. A red-haired spider’s web. ‘Will Abby be going to the barbeque?’ It seemed like the safest option. Viv and Carol exchanged glances and shrugged their shoulders. Carol stretched out her arms and glanced over his shoulder, clearly getting bored with uninteresting Luke. ‘Abby doesn’t usually go anywhere without Reuben,’ she said, before turning on her heel and moving towards the reception doors as a car pulled up outside. ‘Come on, Viv, let’s see what’s arrived.’ Viv shot a little smile at Luke before sliding off the desk and heading to the door. But Luke had stopped paying attention. He was oblivious. Who was Reuben? He leaned his elbows on the desk and put his head in his hands. It had been one hell of a day. He glanced at his watch—it wasn’t even dinnertime yet. It had been eight a.m. when he’d got the call about Dr Blair. He had already been up since six, preparing to go and present a paper at a conference. A paper that was now lying in a crumpled heap in his bag. Seconds after he’d got the call one of the sleek black secret-service cars had pulled up, whisking him away to a helicopter pad bringing him to Pelican Cove and Abby… Was she living with someone? Engaged? Married? Or maybe even just a boyfriend? After all, why would a girl who looked as good as Abby be single? He slapped himself on the forehead. She’d asked him if he was married when they’d been in the changing room together. After that kiss. But he hadn’t asked her. He hadn’t asked her anything. He’d just assumed. A chill slipped down his spine. Abby had always wanted a family. It was the reason they were no longer together. She loved kids, she’d wanted to work with them and have a whole brood of them herself. A requirement that Luke couldn’t meet. He hadn’t even been able to bring himself to contemplate thoughts of a family. In the end he’d told Abby he just wanted to focus on his career. And kids didn’t fit into that. He knew he’d broken her heart. She’d asked him to reconsider, told him that somehow they could have beautiful children together, and that had broken his heart even more. Because he didn’t think he’d ever be ready for that. He’d already filled the role of a parent to his brother Ryan—and failed miserably. He just wasn’t cut out for parenthood. Not after what had happened to Ryan. Not after the responsibilities he’d had to shoulder when Ryan had got sick and his parents had continued to spend their time on ‘mercy missions’ overseas or in other parts of the country. When the reality was, they should have been there, acting like parents to their two sons. And, as much as Abby loved him, she wouldn’t give up her dream of having a family. There had been no tears, no hysteria—that wasn’t Abby’s style. She’d just walked away, literally, into the sunset on top of that Washington hill. When he’d gone back to their apartment a few hours later, she was gone. And the empty drawers and wardrobe had haunted him for weeks. Suppose Abby had her family now? And the husband to match? Was that who Reuben was, her husband? Although her body seemed unchanged, she could still have a whole brood of children at home. The thought of Abby, with her husband and children, living in her white-picket-fenced house, made his blood run cold. He closed his eyes and tried to pull the memory from his dimly lit mind. Was there a ring on her finger? When they’d been in the changing room and she’d traced her finger along his scar, had there been a ring on that hand? Try as he might, he couldn’t remember. And it was killing him. ‘Dr Storm?’ Luke started to attention, pulling his head out of his hands. James Turner was standing over him in that slightly ominous way that he did so well. ‘Oh, Mr Turner, I was just going to ask you about where we were going to stay tonight.’ It was the first time Luke had seen anything resembling an expression on the man’s face. A slight quirk of the mouth. ‘My men will stay here, Dr Storm. We are the First Lady’s security detail. We have to be available around the clock. You… can stay anywhere you like.’ Great. James Turner hadn’t included him in the plans. He heard voices in the nearby corridor and turned to see Abby and Dr Fairgreaves obviously finalising a few things on the ‘list’. ‘Abby?’ She gave a final nod to David Fairgreaves and walked over towards them, holding out the list to James Turner. ‘Everything and everybody I need. If you get them here, by the grace of God, we can deliver this baby safely.’ She handed the list over and James Turner disappeared silently down the corridor, talking into his lapel pin and holding his earpiece. ‘What’s up, Luke?’ And there she was. Gone was the flustered, hot-under-the-collar woman from the changing room. Gone was the little sparks of jealousy he thought he’d seen in the canteen. This was his Abby. The woman he’d always known and admired. Calm, controlled Abby Tyler. He’d seen her stop at the scene of an accident and treat multiple victims, with no equipment whatsoever, speedily and competently. While he’d been stuck hanging onto the back end of car to stop it catapulting off the edge of a cliff. She’d disappeared from his side one day in the supermarket aisle and he’d found her moments later, resuscitating a man who’d had a cardiac arrest at the checkout. No panic, no stress, she’d just looked at him calmly and asked, ‘Do you want to do the chest compressions or the mouth-to-mouth?’ What he’d never seen was how she’d been in the changing room. She’d been angry with him. Or had it been frustration? It had been the first time they’d kissed in five years and he’d acted on instinct. From the first time he’d seen her that morning he’d felt as if someone had punched him square in the solar plexus. Abby Tyler with her feet up on the desk and her eyes closed, enjoying a moment of calm. He’d been stuck in his worst nightmare and she’d been the calmest woman on the planet. Jennifer Taylor had been impressed. She’d called Luke into her room earlier to ask him what he knew about her. She was one smart lady and it was obvious she’d picked up on the undercurrents between them. She’d poked and prodded until Luke had finally confessed they’d once been an item. ‘Silly boy,’ she’d said as she’d lain back against her pillows with a smug look on her face. ‘What do you mean?’ ‘She’s gorgeous. And she’s obviously a good influence on you. You’ve stopped flapping, you’re calm. She seems like a beautiful, intelligent woman and you’ve been a fool to let her slip through your fingers. What age are you? Twenty-nine? Thirty?’ He’d nodded. ‘I’m thirty.’ ‘No one should live their life alone, Luke. I was the highest flyer of them all, but meeting Charlie was the best thing that ever happened to me. You need someone to share things with, the good and the bad, someone who’s always in your corner no matter what. A career is a career, but a life? Now, that’s worth living.’ Luke had been momentarily stunned by the frankness of her words. But then he’d asked himself why. Jennifer Taylor was known as a woman who pulled no punches. That’s why she was so highly regarded. The story of how she and Charles Taylor had met had been widely reported in the past. She absorbed in her work; he in his politics. And when they’d met—kaboom! It had been a true partnership. She’d blossomed into a beautiful, fiercesome human-rights lawyer and he into a leader among men. So why was he surprised? And why was he feeling a little disappointed that Miss Cool and Controlled was back? He’d liked the new version of Abby. He’d liked the new shouting, passionate, even jealous version of Abby. The added spark made her even more sexy than normal. Something hit him on the side of his head. He bent to pick it up. The most sorry excuse of a paper airplane he’d ever seen. He smiled and looked up. Abby was leaning over the desk towards him. ‘What are you so deep in thought about?’ ‘Why do you want to know?’ ‘Because I remember that look and it usually means trouble.’ She walked around the side of the desk and sat down next to him. ‘I think James Turner’s going to get me everything on that list,’ she whispered. He bent towards her ear. ‘I think he is too.’ Her face was only inches from his. ‘He’s a little scary, isn’t he?’ Luke nodded and smiled. He didn’t want to move. If he leaned forward just the tiniest bit he could kiss her on the nose. His eyes flickered around him as he noticed a number of pairs of eyes on them. Somehow, when he was with Abby, it seemed as if it was just the two of them. She reached over and touched his hand. ‘Thanks for looking after my patients while I did the list, Luke. It must have been a bit strange, being an ER doc.’ Luke looked at her hand as he felt the warmth travel upwards, causing the hairs on his arm to stand on end. Relief, no ring. He allowed himself to enjoy it as the warmth spread across his chest. ‘Mmm, Abby, can I ask you something?’ ‘Sure.’ She sat back in her chair, breaking the spell between them and making him feel as if somewhere a barrier had just came crashing down between them. His eyes hadn’t left her and he watched as she tucked a loose tendril of hair behind her ear. ‘Can you recommend a good guest house to me?’ ‘A guest house? What for?’ He rolled his eyes. ‘It seems that James Turner didn’t include me in the accomodation arrangements when organising where everyone would stay. So I need to find a guest house close by. Or do you have on-call rooms?’ She smiled sympathetically. ‘We do, but unfortunately they’ve been commandeered by the Black Brigade.’ ‘Aah, so that’s where they’re staying.’ He wrinkled his nose. ‘How on earth are they all going to fit?’ ‘Apparently they’re going to sleep in shifts.’ ‘Ugh.’ he shuddered. ‘I don’t even want to think about that.’ ‘You can stay with me.’ The words were out before she’d even had time to process the thought, or the practicalities. But it was just what Abby would always do—help out a friend in trouble. And that’s what she was doing, wasn’t she? ‘What? No, Abby. I can’t expect you to do that.’ But she’d stood up and was wiping her hands on her scrubs. ‘Of course you can. We’re old friends, aren’t we? And you’ve been landed here in the middle of…unusual circumstances. The least I can do is help you out.’ ‘That’s really nice of you, Abby. But won’t it be a little awkward?’ This was it. This was when she told him she was married with ten kids. She hesitated, just for a tiny second, but he saw it and felt as if he’d been kicked in the guts. ‘There’s just one thing, Luke…’ ‘What’s that?’ Let’s hear it. Let’s get it over with. ‘Mommy!’ A human cannonball burst through one of the nearby doors, causing several of the security detail to jump out of their skins and slide their hands inside their jackets. It catapulted across the department in a flash of red and jumped straight into Abby’s automatically outstretched arms. ‘Reuben,’ she said as he wrapped her in a bear hug and smothered her in kisses. ‘Look, I’ve caught a crab!’ he shouted, holding his bucket aloft. Luke hadn’t moved. He hadn’t breathed. The human cannonball had white-blond hair and pale blue eyes. CHAPTER FOUR (#ulink_0d7b442f-40af-5533-8b95-edbb42abd106) FOR Luke it was like a blast from the past. He felt as if he were looking at an old photograph of himself and his brother. Carbon copies of each other, with their white-blond hair and pale blue eyes. And now this. Reuben. Like a little mini-me. He was stunned as a million thoughts catapulted into his brain at once. Abby was engrossed in her son and didn’t seem to notice his reaction. When on earth had Abby had a child? And why didn’t he know about it? For a second, just for the tiniest second, a wild thought flitted through his brain. It was like looking into a mirror. He tried to approximate Reuben’s age. Was he around four? Could, by some miracle, Reuben be his? Almost as soon as the thought appeared, he shook it off. He was infertile. Tests had shown beyond any doubt that he was infertile. Reuben could never be his child. So whose child was he? And just how quickly had Abby moved on? He cleared his throat, attracting her attention. ‘You have a son.’ ‘Yes, yes, I do.’ Abby turned Reuben around in her lap to face Luke with a proud smile on her face. ‘Reuben, this is Mommy’s friend. He’s called Luke and he’s a doctor, like Mommy.’ ‘Does he look after kids too?’ ‘No, he looks after hearts.’ ‘Wow.’ Reuben eyed Luke suspiciously for a few seconds before he obviously decided he must be okay. ‘Hi, Dr Luke.’ Luke watched the little figure Abby had clutched closely to her chest, his heart beating frantically. ‘Pleased to meet you, Reuben.’ He held his hand out to the little guy, who frowned at it before holding his own hand up for a high-five instead. Luke slapped the hand held aloft and leaned closer. ‘How old is Reuben, Abby?’ ‘He’s four,’ she answered quickly as she handed Reuben one of Nancy’s home-made cookies. Four. A new sensation flitted through him. She’d replaced him almost instantly. Fury started to build inside him. All rational thought was leaving the building. He was infertile. He couldn’t have kids. That’s the reason he’d broken up with her—because he couldn’t fulfil her dreams of having a family. And he hadn’t wanted to make her lose that chance. And she obviously hadn’t. Abby had moved on and had the family she deserved. So why did it hurt so much? He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up. James Turner—the Man in Black. ‘We need to have a word.’ Luke nodded and scraped his chair along the floor as he stood, following James Turner to the nearby admin office. ‘There’s been a change of plan.’ ‘She’s going to San Francisco?’ Right now, Luke couldn’t care less. ‘If only. No, there’s been a change of plan for you.’ ‘What do you mean?’ James Turner had the grace to avert his eyes. ‘This has been a highly unusual situation.’ ‘You can say that again.’ He raised his hand to stop Luke speaking. ‘Dr Storm, right now you are the only Presidential doctor in the vicinity. We have a range of protocols for these circumstances. The most important is that the First Family is looked after by doctors that are obviously well qualified but who have also been subject to our rigorous security checks.’ He looked along the corridor towards the cath lab. ‘Dr Blair is physically unfit to serve as the First Lady’s doctor right now.’ Luke nodded in agreement. ‘However, she is quite insistent that she values his opinion and wishes him to be consulted regarding her condition.’ ‘That’s well out with my realm of expertise, Mr Turner. I’m happy to look after Dr Blair but I’ve no idea about the First Lady. To be honest, we’ve landed really lucky here. Dr Fairgreaves may be retired but he’s considered by many to be one of the finest obstetricians in America, so you would need to seek his opinion on the First Lady’s condition.’ Luke was in a hurry to get away. His mind was on other things. The ‘no ring’ thing didn’t mean Abby wasn’t married. He’d worked with lots of female doctors who didn’t routinely wear their jewellery to work. Was he going to have to make small talk with Abby’s husband? The unimpressed voice cut into his thoughts. ‘I wouldn’t call this luck, Dr Storm.’ ‘What?’ James Turner fixed him with a hard stare. ‘This is not a situation that I would deem “lucky”. In fact, I would deem this as anything but “lucky”, Dr Storm.’ Luke scratched his chin. He had no idea what was going on here but, to be frank, he’d other things to worry about right now, like whether or not Abby was married. He couldn’t possibly have any say in what happened with Jennifer Taylor. It was absurd. He knew nothing about obstetrics and only had a limited knowledge in paediatrics. ‘Our protocols say you have to be on staff, Dr Storm. I hope you packed enough for four days— or maybe longer.’ Luke felt a cold sweat breaking out on his body. ‘On staff? What does that mean? That’s ridiculous! I’m happy to take care of Dr Blair for the next twenty-four hours—as a professional courtesy, of course—but anything else, forget it. I’m not your man.’ He’d expected to have to stay overnight—but four days? ‘Actually, Dr Storm, you are.’ He waved a contract with a presidential seal at the bottom. ‘It’s in the small print. You can check with Captain Leon Gibbs if you want. He will clarify your position for you. No matter what your specialty, if you are the only presidential doctor available at the time, you have to stay on staff until a suitable replacement is found.’ ‘But you’ve got a suitable replacement in Dr Fairgreaves!’ Luke’s voice rose to crescendo pitch. Leon Gibbs was the navy captain who was the head of the White House medical unit—the man who had recruited him. The man was terrifying on a good day. He really didn’t want to have to check anything with him. ‘He hasn’t had the necessary checks.’ ‘And how long does that take?’ The corner of James Turner’s mouth lifted upwards. ‘Longer than four days.’ ‘This is absurd!’ A flicker of exasperation passed over James Turner’s face. ‘Let me clarify exactly what I, and your country, expect from you, Dr Storm. You have to take care of Dr Blair. You have to make sure he is mentally competent to be consulted on Mrs Taylor’s condition. Anything that could compromise his ability to consult—procedures, medications, et cetera—should be notified to me. You also have to be sure that all decisions taken are medically sound. If you have doubts, you can feel free to ask the opinions of others that you trust— as long as they sign a confidentiality agreement, that is.’ ‘So I’ve got to stay here for four days—or longer—until all this is over?’ Luke ran his hand through his hair. A few hours ago he would have given anything to stay here for the next few days. But now? He didn’t know what to think. ‘That’s right. You don’t need to be here. You just need to always be available to me.’ He handed Luke a new phone. ‘Don’t switch it off, Dr Storm, it has a tracker in it. Now I guess you’d better find somewhere suitable to stay.’ He glanced over in Abby’s direction. ‘Somehow I don’t think that will be too much of a problem, will it?’ Luke stalked back into the emergency department in time to see Abby kissing Reuben goodbye and waving out the window to him. He crossed to the window to see Reuben walking hand in hand along the coastal path with a young woman with long brown hair. ‘Who’s that?’ ‘What? Oh, that’s Lucy. She’s my childcare worker and she’s awesome with Reuben. Childcare workers are like gold around here. I’m lucky to have her.’ Something twisted in Luke’s gut. It was clear Abby was besotted with her son. Was she as besotted with his father? ‘Where did you find her?’ Abby smiled. ‘Being a paediatrician has its benefits. I looked after Lucy’s brother a few years ago. She remembered me and offered her services when she heard I was looking for someone.’ Abby turned to face Luke, touching his arm, ‘Luke, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I had a child—I was just about to when he came barrelling through the doors.’ She smiled. ‘He’s a real livewire.’ It was all Luke could do not to pull his arm from hers. Did she really have no idea how he was feeling? How could she be so blas? about this? He gritted his teeth. There was only one question he could ask. ‘So are you going to introduce me to Luke’s dad?’ ‘Luke’s dad?’ Abby looked astonished by the question. ‘Well, that would be difficult since I don’t know who he is.’ She carried on looking over a patient’s chart as if she’d just given the most natural answer in the world. Luke felt as if he was going to explode. She didn’t know who Reuben’s father was? What the hell was going on? Had she just slept with some anonymous stranger? What had happened to the Abby Tyler he’d known? It took Abby a few seconds to realise that something was wrong. She’d thought Luke had been a little off, but thought it was because she hadn’t told him about Reuben. He’d baulked when she’d told him what age Reuben was, a reaction she hadn’t understood at the time. And then the penny dropped. Hard. No! He couldn’t possibly think… She put her head in her hands as she pictured her son in her mind. And then she cringed at the answer she’d just given about Luke’s father. What must he think of her? Did he think she’d slept with the first man that came along? Everyone here knew her, everyone knew her history and Reuben’s background. But Luke had missed out on a whole chapter of her life. A whole five years. ‘Luke.’ She turned towards him with new eyes. This time she could see the rage that was bubbling under the surface, barely contained. She could see his brain trying to process everything around him—and coming to the wrong conclusion. She placed her hand on his shoulder and saw him visibly flinch. ‘I think I should explain. It’s not what you think.’ ‘Reuben’s four, Abby. You must have got pregnant as soon as you left.’ He spat his words through clenched teeth. Abby put both of her hands on his shoulders. ‘Look at me, Luke.’ Her voice was calm and steady. She stood square in front of him. ‘Do you really think I’d do that?’ ‘It looks like it.’ She pressed down hard on his shoulders. ‘Stop it. Stop it now. You know me. You know I would never do anything like that.’ ‘Well, how do you explain Reuben?’ Abby took a deep breath. ‘You didn’t want children, Luke, and I did. So I reassessed my life. I came here…’ she pointed out the window at the ocean view ‘…to this beautiful place because I wanted to raise my children in the best place possible. I applied to adopt as soon as I had secured my position here and had a suitable house. It all takes time, Luke. I got Reuben when he was eighteen months old. I’m not his natural mother.’ ‘You adopted him?’ his voice was incredulous. In the maelstrom of thoughts that had bombarded his mind he hadn’t even considered the possibility. She nodded slowly. ‘It’s best thing I ever did.’ Her voice dropped. ‘His age is just a coincidence.’ She released her grip on his shoulders. ‘Why on earth did you adopt?’ Abby sat down on one of the nearby chairs and crossed her legs. ‘Why wouldn’t I adopt?’ ‘Because you’re young, you’re beautiful. You could have come here and met someone else and had a baby of your own. I don’t imagine for a minute that you’ve been short of offers.’ Abby flinched at his blunt words then nodded slowly, ignoring his last comment. ‘Yes, yes, I could have. But I didn’t. I didn’t want to. This is what I wanted to do.’ ‘I don’t understand.’ Luke ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. ‘There’s lots of different ways to have a family, Luke.’ Her voice was almost a whisper. ‘But why this way? Why did you choose this way?’ Abby cast her eyes out the window. He was asking difficult questions, but then again he probably felt as if he was entitled to. And if she was going to answer honestly, it was easier not to look at him. ‘I had a dream of having a happy family. But I wanted to have the happy husband to go with the happy family. And it didn’t happen for me. And I realised that families come in all shapes and forms. I didn’t need a husband for my family. Not all families are mom, dad and 2.4 kids. And not all kids are perfect. So I decided it was time to follow my heart.’ She was talking about him. She was talking about him and her. That had been her dream. And he’d ruined it for her. Ruined it by not taking the time to consider the options. Then the entirety of her words struck home. He’d been so focused on the first part of her sentence he hadn’t paid attention to the second. A chill went down Luke’s spine. Not all kids are perfect. ‘What do you mean?’ He walked across the room and knelt before Abby in her chair. ‘What do you mean, “Not all kids are perfect”? Abby, what’s wrong with Reuben?’ There was silence. The question hung in the air between them. Abby’s eyes were fixed on the floor. He saw her swallow uncomfortably. ‘He has ALL.’ Her voice was barely audible. This time Luke really did feel as if he’d been punched. That beautiful, bouncy little boy had ALL. The room was spinning now. Acute lymphoblastic leukemia, the most common type of childhood cancer, the same type that had killed his teenage brother fifteen years ago. Abby seemed to focus, to gain her perspective. She leaned forward, ‘Luke, I’m sorry, I didn’t want to tell you.’ Her brown eyes were filled with compassion and without a thought he did what seemed the most natural thing in the world and wrapped his arms around her. ‘Oh, Abby, I’m so sorry.’ He could feel her tremble beneath his grip. She leaned her head on his shoulder and took a few deep breaths. He lifted his hand and stroked her blonde hair. They stayed that way for a few moments, Luke still kneeling on the floor with Abby wrapped in his embrace, then he put a hand on either side of her head and lifted it from his shoulder, placing a gentle kiss on her forehead. ‘So how is he doing?’ Her eyes were bright with unshed tears. She sat back in her chair but kept hold of Luke’s hand. ‘He’s doing well. He’s been getting treatment for the last two years. You can see he’s a lively little boy.’ She gave nervous laugh. ‘It’s difficult to keep an eye on him. What I really want to do is wrap him up in cotton wool and hide him somewhere, keep him safe from infections and injuries, but that’s just not Reuben. He’s a livewire and I’ve got to let him live his life.’ He clasped her hand even tighter. He could see the conflicting emotions in her face. The parent and the doctor. ‘Did you know he was sick when you adopted him?’ Abby shook her head. ‘He wasn’t initially, but you know how long these things can take. He’d had a medical before the adoption procedures began and everything was fine. He’d already been staying with me for a few months when I started to notice all the classic signs—the bruising, frequent infections and fever—and I just knew.’ Her eyes glassed over. ‘They asked me if I wanted to withdraw, can you imagine?’ She turned to face him. ‘As if I would do that. Then I guess they thought about it and decided who better to have a sick child than a paediatrician?’ Her voice wobbled. ‘He was mine, Luke. From the first time I set eyes on him he was mine.’ She broke her gaze from his, embarrassed by her reactions. Luke was the person who didn’t want children, so he couldn’t possibly understand how she felt. ‘I didn’t want to tell you about Reuben. I didn’t want to bring back bad memories for you about Ryan.’ Ryan. She’d said it. The name cut straight through to his heart like a knife, a knife that plunged in to the hilt and was then twisted around. His brother. The little brother he’d played with, laughed with and shared everything with. They’d been inseparable, probably due to the fact that their parents had seemed to have so little time for them. The life of a senator and his wife was never quiet. So they’d depended on each other entirely. And Luke had let him down. He squeezed her hand. ‘Most memories of Ryan are good,’ he said quietly. She smoothed her ruffled hair back into place and put on a bright smile. It was obvious she was trying to clear her head. ‘Did you bring an overnight bag with you?’ ‘What?’ Luke started, still lost in thoughts of his brother and the life that had been stolen from him. ‘A bag, Luke. Did you bring a bag with you?’ He nodded. ‘I was due to speak at a conference and had my bag packed for that. It must still be stuck in the back of one of the secret-service cars.’ ‘Well, why don’t you go and find it? You’ll need it for tonight if you’re staying at my place.’ She turned and headed towards the door. ‘And, Luke…’ she gave him a little smile ‘…go and grab some scrubs, will you? I don’t want you parading about my house in your usual nightwear—I’ve got a four-year-old, remember?’ And with that parting shot she disappeared out the door, leaving Luke to stare out over the waves breaking in Pelican Cove. He stood for a few minutes, watching the sea. The irony of all this was that Ryan would have loved living in a place like this. And if he’d got sick a few years further down the line, there would have been more effective treatments, with better options and outcomes for the patients. Ryan could maybe have fulfilled his dream to be a surfer. He’d been the cleverest in the family by a mile. Naturally clever. One of these kids that had hardly needed to study and just sucked in information from all around them. But what he’d really wanted was to be a jock. He’d wanted to play every sport known to man. And he’d done that for a while. But once he’d become sick, sports had been a no-no. Anything that could have caused injury, breaks, anything that had expended too much energy. All had been forbidden. So Ryan had only been able to dream about the sports he’d yet had to master. And surfing had been one of them. Only once had the brothers had the opportunity to try surfing together. They’d been dragged to yet another official engagement by their parents—only this time it had been in Hawaii and the boys had disappeared to the beach as soon as they’d got there. He’d never forget the look on Ryan’s face as he’d finally managed to stand upright on the surfboard. The expression of pure joy and exhilaration, captured in a few fleeting seconds on his teenage brother’s face, was a picture that was seared into Luke’s brain. A moment in time, frozen and remembered for ever. Luke tore his eyes away from the crashing waves. Sometimes the memories were just too hard. Abby headed back down the corridor, her heart beating furiously in her chest. She wasn’t sure if it was the effect of Luke holding her again, or from the stress of having to tell him about Reuben. She ducked around the corner and stood for a second with her back against the wall, letting the feel of the cool concrete spread between her shoulder blades and back, easing her hot, trembling skin. She took a few deep slow breaths to calm her frantic heartbeat. At least he understood. At least he knew what it felt like to have someone that you love suffer from the condition. She didn’t need to explain to him what type of cancer it was, the statistics around it, the treatments and, worst of all, what Reuben’s chances were, because he knew all that already. Fifteen years ago the statistics had been much grimmer—Luke’s brother was proof of that. Things were a lot more positive now, but there was still always the chance that her child would be the unlucky one. Abby shook the thoughts from her head. She couldn’t stand it when the crows of doubt crept into her head and haunted her. A few months ago she’d had a dream that she was standing next to a graveside, watching a little white coffin being lowered into it, and she’d woken screaming and covered in sweat. Why? She had no idea, because Reuben was doing well, brilliantly, in fact. But there was always just this tiny sliver of doubt, right at the back of her mind, chipping away at her. The slightest temperature and she’d be awake all night, worrying it was some hideous infection rather than a mild sniffle. But then again she was a mother and she was only human. James Turner rounded the corner and just about walked into her. ‘Dr Tyler, I was looking for you.’ He seemed oblivious to her anxiety. ‘You were? Is everything all right?’ ‘I’m just about to move Jennifer Taylor from your emergency department, but she’d like to speak to you before she moves.’ ‘The First Lady, the First Lady wants to see me? But why? I’m not her doctor.’ ‘I know that, Dr Tyler.’ He shrugged his shoulders. ‘What the First Lady wants, the First Lady gets.’ Abby nodded and glanced at her watch. Nearly three o’clock. Only a few more hours before she could clock off and head home to Reuben, only this time she would have Luke in tow. She couldn’t even begin to imagine what that would feel like. What would it be like to have a man under her roof? A man who was going to stay the night, and possibly for the next four days? ‘Dr Tyler?’ James Turner’s voice was abrupt, he was obviously losing his patience. ‘Sure, sure, I’m coming.’ Abby strode back into the emergency department and towards Jennifer Taylor’s room. The security service man at the door gave her a little nod as he stood aside to let her enter the room. Jennifer was on the phone and she was in tears. ‘Yes, yes, I know. I understand, really I do.’ She sniffed back a new wave of tears as Abby grabbed some tissues and crossed to the edge of the bed. ‘Yes, Charlie, I promise, I’ll get them to phone you if I go into labour. Love you.’ She hung up the phone and grabbed the tissues from Abby, blowing her nose furiously. ‘I’m sorry Abby,’ she motioned for her to sit down at the side of the bed. ‘What are you sorry for? Was that your husband?’ She nodded tearfully. ‘Is he mad at you?’ Jennifer shook her head. ‘Charlie? Never. No, he’s in the middle of a peace agreement, they’ve been negotiating it for the last two years and it’s just about to be signed. So he really needs to be there. But he wants to be with me.’ Abby nodded. ‘I’ll bet he does. I’m surprised he doesn’t want you near him in Washington.’ Jennifer laughed. ‘That’s the last place he wants me right now. No, he’s spoken to Dr Fairgreaves and knows that I will get the best possible care. It’s actually lucky that I’m here.’ ‘Lucky?’ ‘Yes. If this had happened in Washington, some idiot would have leaked it to the press already. At least here I’ve got a modicum of privacy.’ Abby smiled. It was really the last thing she’d expected her to say. ‘So you’re happy that the First Son or Daughter is going to be born in Pelican Cove?’ ‘I couldn’t be happier.’ Abby mulled it over. Jennifer Taylor was full of surprises. ‘So what can I do for you?’ Jennifer rolled her eyes. ‘I’m bored, Abby. They…’ she motioned towards the door ‘…are driving me crazy. They won’t let me out of the room, they won’t let me open the window, they won’t let me look out the window.’ She flopped her head back against her pillows. ‘There’s a good chance I’m going to be here for at least four days. I can’t take much more of this seclusion. I need something—or someone—to distract me.’ Abby smiled and looked around the little room. It was cheery enough, but was built for practicalities, not for comfort. She also knew that the room Jennifer Taylor was being moved to was almost identical. ‘How about I bring you some movies from home, and some books? What do you like?’ Jennifer breathed an audible sigh of relief. ‘Perfect, Abby, thanks. Movies, I like older ones, from when I was a teenager, particularly action ones— Bruce Willis, Harrison Ford or anything sci-fi. And books, definitely romance. You’ve got some, haven’t you?’ ‘Oh, yes, by the bucketload.’ ‘You’re a lifesaver. Thanks, Abby. I know there are things I should be worrying about. But I want some normality, some distractions. So, now I’ve got the somethings to distract me, what about the someone?’ ‘What do you mean?’ ‘Well, what’s the gossip in Pelican Cove? Tell me. Tell me about the people and their lives. It’s so nice just to talk to someone normal—about normal things.’ She waved her arms around. ‘Everybody that’s usually around me has a political agenda. Either that, or they’re trying to write me a political agenda. I want normal. I want to know girlie stuff. I’m away from Washington now. I’m in a beautiful part of the country I’ve never seen before. I don’t want to be the First Lady right now. I want to be an expectant mom, waiting for her first child.’ She leaned over and touched Abby’s hand. ‘So, Dr Tyler, what’s the story with you and our Dr Storm?’ Abby stiffened, taken aback by the question. ‘Well, nothing really. We were friends a long time ago,’ she stumbled. ‘That’s not what he says. He says you were more than friends.’ ‘He said what?’ She was horrified. Luke had been discussing their past relationship with the First Lady? ‘Don’t look so worried. I’d noticed something between you and I asked him about it. He looked really down.’ ‘He did?’ Maybe she wasn’t so angry with him after all. ‘I told him he was a fool to let you slip through his fingers.’ Abby half smiled. ‘You did?’ How could a woman that was only a few years older than her seem so worldly wise? ‘Yes, I did.’ Jennifer leaned over and grabbed a barrette from the nearby table, coiling her hair up at the back of her head and pinning it in place. ‘He strikes me as quite a lonely soul,’ she said, looking thoughtful. ‘And knowing who his parents are, it doesn’t come as such a surprise.’ Abby was startled. ‘You know Luke’s parents?’ ‘Of course I do. His father’s a senator. Didn’t you know that?’ Abby nodded her head. ‘Yes, yes, I did. I met them at birthdays, Thanksgiving and Christmas. I was with Luke for four years but his parents weren’t the most engaging people I’ve ever met. Kind of ironic since they’re both politicians. When they spoke to me it was almost as if their minds were on something else—the next thing on their list. Let’s just say that Luke didn’t seem to have a very good relationship with them. We certainly didn’t get invited around every week for Sunday dinner.’ ‘I’m not surprised. Senator Storm is charm himself, but it’s all superficial. And as for her…’ She gave her head a little shake then gave Abby’s arm a little squeeze. ‘Meeting you was probably the best thing that could have happened to him, Abby, and it’s time to get to the bottom of whatever he’s hiding from you.’ Abby looked incredulous. ‘What on earth makes you think…?’ Jennifer Taylor tapped the side of her nose. ‘I’m not the First Lady for nothing.’ Abby stood up and gave her a smile and she headed to the door, ‘No, you’re certainly not.’ The rest of the afternoon passed in a blur. Luke went between the ER and the cath lab, checking on Dr Blair. Abby spent most of her afternoon treating a nine-year-old who’d been stung by a jellyfish. She’d done the best she could following the latest protocols for carefully removing the tentacles, helping to prevent more venom release and treating the child with painkillers and steroids before arranging the transfer to San Francisco Children’s Hospital for further treatment. And at the end of the day it didn’t matter what she did, she already knew that the scarring would be significant. Luke came and stood outside with her while she watched the ambulance pull away and draped his arm around her shoulders again. ‘Are you okay?’ She gave a wistful little nod. ‘I guess.’ She watched the ambulance set off down the coastal road, ‘I just wish that I could help more.’ He gave her shoulder a little squeeze. ‘C’mon, Abby, you do the best job that you can. How can that be bad?’ She turned and shot Luke a smile that made his heart stop. He could almost feel the static in the air between them. If he just bent forward he could kiss her, right here, right now, in the middle of the ambulance bay outside the ER. Would she let him? Or would she object? Her hair caught in the wind and fluttered in front of her face, blocking his direct access to her pink lips. She gave her head a shake and moved the strands from in front of her eyes, tucking them behind her ears. Their gaze was broken, the moment lost. Something twisted in his stomach. Five years ago he would have been able to kiss Abby whenever he wanted. Now he couldn’t. He’d no right to kiss her. He’d no right to hold her the way he was doing. He glanced at his arm resting easily on her shoulders, almost as if it was something he did every day. And there it was again—the feeling that he was missing something. That he’d let something really important just slip through his fingers. For someone on the outside, Jennifer Taylor wasn’t too slow. He turned slightly, guiding Abby back in towards the doors, and glanced at his watch. It was nearly six o’clock. ‘Have we finished for the day?’ he asked. Abby nodded, glancing down at her pager. ‘They’ll call me if any paediatric emergencies come in that they can’t cope with.’ She turned to face him as they reached the desk. ‘How’s Dr Blair?’ ‘Textbook, no problems. Routine care, but the staff will call me if they have any concerns.’ ‘Have you got your case?’ Luke gave a little nod and pulled it from behind one of the desks. He shook his head slowly. ‘Before you see the contents, all I can say in my defence is that I packed it for a conference, not for coming to Pelican Cove. I might be a little overdressed.’ ‘I can’t wait to see. Come on, let’s go.’ She grabbed her jacket and headed towards the nearest exit. Luke expected her to head towards the car park but instead she headed for the coastal footpath that Reuben and his childcare worker had walked along earlier. ‘What, no car?’ Abby smiled. ‘I have one at home but here I don’t need one. We’re only about two minutes along this path.’ She walked ahead along the path, which, although it lay well back from the cliffs, gave a spectacular view over the whole of Pelican Cove. From here Luke could see the boats sitting in the harbour, the houses dotted along the coast, the sandy beaches and even the pelicans on the rocks beneath. ‘Wow, Abby, this is some view. You must love walking to and from work every day. You don’t get this in Washington or San Francisco.’ ‘No, you don’t.’ She stopped and gazed towards the ocean. ‘That’s why I love it here—why I intentionally came to stay here when I knew I wanted to adopt.’ She spread her arms out across the harbor. ‘This is the kind of life I want for my kids,’ she said. ‘Not granite, stone, skyscrapers and streets that aren’t safe to play in.’ ‘Kids? Plural? Are you planning on adopting some more or having some of your own?’ It was a weighted question. Abby shrugged her shoulders. ‘Whatever happens happens. If it’s only Reuben and me for as long as I’m blessed with him, then that’s fine. If I meet someone and have some kids of my own, then that’s fine too. If I don’t ever meet someone, then I might decide to go down the route of adoption again. It’s worked out pretty great for me this time.’ She’d moved down the path a little and then stopped just short of a white picket fence. The fence surrounded a gorgeous shingled house that looked out over the ocean. It was painted blue and white and was large and spacious, much bigger than Luke would ever have expected, and looked like a true family home. He could see Reuben playing in the garden with his childcare worker, jumping from a wooden-built swing to a little playhouse built in exactly the style of the main house, complete with little tiles on the roof. Abby noticed him watching her blond, bouncing son. ‘Like I said earlier, Luke, families come in all shapes and sizes and I’m happy to take what I’m given.’ The words stuck in his throat. This was where he should take the opportunity to talk, to tell her what a failure he’d been when the mumps had struck, and why he shouldn’t be part of anyone’s family—that when his brother had needed him most he had failed him. It had killed him that he’d been so infectious he hadn’t been allowed to visit his brother. The irony of it was he had been immunised against mumps as a child, but the vaccine obviously hadn’t been effective. So, when he had been struck down with the highly infectious acute disease, the last person he had been allowed to visit had been his immunocompromised brother. And with the mumps virus had come fever, swelling of his salivary glands and more importantly orchitis, inflammation of the testes. And Luke had been unlucky, in more ways than one. His sperm-producing cells had been damaged, leading to permanent infertility. At the time, it had all seemed so irrelevant. He’d just lost his brother. He hadn’t really been interested in his family-making capabilities. But as time had progressed and he’d met Abby, a woman who wanted to have a family of her own, he’d known he couldn’t take that away from her. And he still wasn’t ready to face up to his infertility. He’d followed the doctor’s instructions for a year after the virus struck. Suffering the embarrassment of delivering samples of semen to check if his fertility status improved. Then the offer of counselling, when it hadn’t. At that point, the last thing he’d wanted to discuss had been his lack of baby-making facilities. For him, it was linked. He’d failed in the parenting role for his brother and someone was making sure he wouldn’t be in that position again. He looked out over the cove again, watching the early-evening surfers catching the waves. This was where Ryan should have been. Leading the charge on the crest of a wave and riding his way to happiness and fulfilment. Luke gave a little smile as he watched them, the strong sea winds raking through his hair. His eyes caught a glimpse of Abby’s neat butt as she turned up a path away from the sea. He could almost hear his brother shouting in his ear: Go for it, Luke! Another smile spread across his face as he turned and followed her up the winding path. CHAPTER FIVE (#ulink_9adbc20d-56d5-5515-a622-35fcd63602a7) IT WAS just how he’d imagined it would be. A beautiful, light, airy house with gorgeous views over the ocean. Complete with white picket fence surrounding the garden. And the family to complete it. It disturbed him a little. She was living in the house he’d always imagined her having. And everything about it was perfect, from the beautiful wooden floors and wide open spaces to the bright, carefully planted flowerbeds and sandpit in the front garden. Abby led him through the wide hallway to the kitchen at the back of the house. It was huge, with thick wooden worktops, a white Boston sink and a couple of easy chairs looking out of the patio doors over the back garden. ‘Abby, just how big is this house?’ She gave a little smile. ‘Big enough.’ ‘No, seriously, Abby, my apartment in Washington could fit in here six times over.’ She leaned back against her sink, crossing her arms over her chest. ‘Well, there’s this, the kitchen/diner, then I have two separate sitting rooms at the front and a study, a cloakroom and a laundry room. Upstairs there are five bedrooms, two en suites and a family bathroom.’ ‘Wow. This place is huge.’ He cleared his throat a little. ‘Without being cheeky, did you win the lottery?’ She laughed. ‘I wish. Why would you think that?’ ‘Because this house is pretty near “Millionaires’ Row” in Mendocino Valley. This place couldn’t have come cheap.’ Abby walked over to the nearby stove and lifted the lid on a pot, inhaling deeply and giving it a stir. ‘Actually, it came really cheap. I inherited it, it was my aunt’s.’ His brow furrowed. ‘Your aunt? I don’t remember you talking about an aunt.’ ‘She was really my mom’s best friend. This was her house. She never married and she never had any children. She was a writer. Do you remember those children’s books with the big spider on the front?’ Luke gave a little nod. ‘I remember you had a set of those on the bookshelves in our apartment.’ Abby walked over to a small bookcase next to one of the easy chairs looking out over the back garden. She pulled out a set of books with a big pink spider on the front. ‘She wrote these nearly forty years ago and it made her a fortune. That’s how she could afford this house. When she died she left it to me.’ Luke walked over next to her and looked out over the equally perfect back garden. ‘God, I would kill for a place like this, Abby. It’s gorgeous.’ Abby nodded, then turned back to the stove and gave the contents of the pot another stir. ‘You’re right, it is gorgeous. The perfect place to bring up a family.’ The words hung in the air between them. A thousand things unsaid. A thousand questions unanswered and misunderstood. The hairs on her arms stood on end. Would he speak? Would he say anything about the past? About why he would never consider the other options to have children? No, nothing. Luke said nothing, His eyes drifted from the garden to the kitchen stove and then to his feet. She tapped him on the shoulder. ‘Come on upstairs and I’ll show you to your room.’ She bent to pick up his case. Luke moved quickly. ‘Don’t be silly, I’ll carry that.’ His hand encircled hers and their eyes locked for a second. His pale blue eyes with her warm brown ones. Abby flinched, not really understanding why. She pulled her hand back. ‘Come this way.’ She led him up the white-painted stairs and into a corridor with white walls and a pale blue carpet. His eyes were drawn immediately to the beautiful round stained-glass window at the end of the corridor. The sun was streaming through the window, sending a cavalcade of rainbow hues pooling on the white walls. ‘You’ve got a stained-glass window?’ A few quick strides took him to the end of the corridor to touch the coloured glass. He peered at the image in the window. ‘Flowers? What are these?’ Abby touched them in turn. ‘The yellow ones are daffodils and the blue ones are bluebells. My aunt was born in Scotland and she used to live next to some fields that were full of these flowers. She got the window made to remind her of home.’ He looked down the corridor. The window at the other end was the same round shape and size, but only plain glass. ‘How come she didn’t do that one?’ Abby smiled. ‘She meant to—she just didn’t get around to it. I’ve always meant to do it myself. I’d love to have a field of colourful freesias—lots of reds, pinks and purples. But stained glass is just so expensive, and I’ve been distracted by other things.’ Luke nodded slowly. Having a sick child could steal every minute of your day. ‘That’s some piece of history.’ He glanced around at some of the open doors. ‘Which one is mine?’ Abby walked over to the furthest away door. ‘In here.’ The room had pale blue walls, a wooden floor and white bedspread. Beautiful and homely, if a little impersonal. She walked over to the window. ‘I thought you might like the room with the view.’ And there it was, the beautiful ocean view that only a house sitting on the hills could capture. Abby smiled as she saw Luke take a deep breath. She pointed downwards. ‘There’s even a window seat.’ He gave a little nod. ‘The view’s gorgeous, Abby.’ He watched the waves breaking in the ocean beneath them. People paid a fortune for a view like this. Abby had certainly landed on her feet. ‘You’ve got to let me thank you for this.’ ‘What do you mean?’ ‘For letting me stay here.’ She gave a playful smile. ‘It might only be for the one night, Luke. I throw guests out for bad behaviour, you know.’ He reached over and took her hand. ‘I know that there’s a hospital barbeque tonight. Do you want to go to that?’ She shook her head. ‘No. I try not to socialise too much at those kinds of things. They tend to be more for the adults.’ Her eyes glanced downwards to the garden where Reuben was playing and he immediately understood. She wanted to spend some time with her son. ‘How about if you let me take you somewhere local for dinner, then?’ He lifted his hand as she went to interrupt. ‘We could go out later, once you’ve put Reuben to bed, and you could ask Lucy to come back for a few hours. How about that?’ Abby nodded slowly. A late dinner would be fine. It would give her a chance to bath Reuben and put him to bed. Actually, a late dinner would be kind of nice. She couldn’t remember the last time she had gone to dinner with someone. The front door opened and slammed again as Reuben came running inside. ‘Where are you, Mommy?’ His little voice drifted upstairs. ‘I’m here, honey.’ She crossed into the corridor and leaned over the balustrade. ‘I was just showing Dr Luke his room.’ ‘Dr Luke is staying tonight? Whoopee! Can he play cars?’ Luke shifted uncomfortably. Kids weren’t his specialty and he didn’t routinely spend time in their company. What if Reuben hated him? He turned as Abby gave him a weak smile. ‘Welcome to the madhouse.’ Luke pushed open the door to the restaurant and was immediately hit by the aromas of Mexican food. His stomach growled loudly and Abby laughed. ‘That’s twice in one day. Are you hungry, Luke?’ ‘Starving. I take it you know this place well?’ She gave a little smile. ‘Of course I do. We eat here nearly every week.’ She walked to the back of the restaurant and shouted through the doors to the kitchen, ‘Diego, sorry we’re late. Reuben wouldn’t go to bed.’ Luke could hear some muffled response and Abby led him to a red and white chequered table near the front of the restaurant. There were several other couples in the eatery, all at various stages of dinner, many huddled over flickering red candles on the tabletops, several of whom raised their hands, waving at Abby. Luke felt something strange in his stomach. Uneasiness. Abby had a whole range of friends and acquaintances that he knew nothing about. She’d built a life for herself and for Reuben in this friendly little community. Five years ago they’d moved in the same circles and had had the same group of friends. Now everything had changed and he knew nothing about the life that she led. A tall Mexican man appeared at their table, carrying a pitcher of water and two glasses. ‘It’s nice to see you again.’ He bent over and kissed Abby on the cheek. ‘Here you go, Abby.’ He placed the glasses and pitcher on the table and winked at Luke. ‘In preparation for the extra-hot food she likes.’ Abby gave a wide smile. ‘Can I have a diet soda too, please, Diego?’ She glanced over at Luke. ‘What would you like?’ ‘Diet soda’s fine for me too, thanks.’ His eyes swept around the restaurant, noticing there were no menus or wine lists on the table. And almost instantly he understood. This wasn’t the type of establishment where you ordered. You only told them whether you liked your food medium, hot or very hot. His head tilted towards Diego. ‘So what’s on the menu tonight, then?’ ‘Aha, that will be a surprise for the lovely couple.’ He pointed at them both. ‘Do you have any allergies the kitchen should know about, sir?’ Luke shook his head. ‘And how spicy do you like your food?’ His eyes swept over the pitcher of iced water already on the table. Last time he’d gone for dinner with Abby she wouldn’t even order a curry. ‘I’ll have what she’s having,’ he said with confidence. She flung back her head and laughed. ‘I warn you, Luke, my tastes have changed in the last few years. I doubt you’ll be able to keep up.’ ‘Is that a challenge?’ She leaned back in her chair. ‘It could be.’ She reached over and touched Diego’s hand. ‘I’ll leave this all in your capable hands.’ He gave a little nod and headed off towards the kitchen. Abby lifted the pitcher and poured some iced water into the two glasses. ‘So what have you been doing in Washington, Luke?’ He raised his eyebrow. ‘I think we better start with what you’ve been doing for the last five years, Abby.’ She shifted under his steady gaze. This was about Reuben again. Why was he so astonished that she’d adopted a child? She’d never made any secret of the fact she wanted to have children. ‘I would have thought that was obvious, Luke. I found the job of my dreams, inherited the house of my dreams and was able to realise my own personal dream and adopt a child.’ She took a sip from her glass of water. ‘I think you could say I’ve been pretty busy.’ He watched as she brushed her blonde hair back from her face. She’d changed into a light summer dress and cardigan before they’d walked down to the restaurant. And he could smell the strawberry lip gloss again. But his eyes had caught sight of something else. A thin gold chain around her neck, holding a gold locket that dipped into her cleavage. Before he could stop himself, he reached over, lifted the delicate chain and caught the locket between his lean fingers. ‘You still wear this?’ Her cheeks flushed gently with colour. ‘I thought you would have thrown it away years ago.’ Her fingers touched his, lifting the locket from him. He’d bought it for her years earlier and it used to hold a picture of them together inside. ‘Why would I get rid of it? I always loved this locket.’ Her fingernails caught the edge and split it open. ‘I’ve just got a different picture inside it now.’ She turned the locket towards him. A picture of a mischievous little boy with blond hair and a red T-shirt grinned back at him. The words caught in Luke’s throat. Again, it was as if he was gazing at a picture from his past. He cleared his throat. ‘Reuben. That’s a lovely picture.’ Her eyes fell downwards. ‘Yes, it is, isn’t it?’ She gave him a sad smile. ‘It seemed most appropriate. After all, lockets are supposed to hold the picture of the ones most dear to your heart. Aren’t they?’ Their picture had been replaced by a child’s. Did that mean she didn’t have room in her heart for anyone else? The silence was broken as Diego reappeared and placed some steaming bowls on the table along with a basket of rolls. ‘Here we go, folks, pumpkin and chorizo soup.’ Luke leaned over the bowl and breathed deeply. ‘That smells fantastic, Diego, and not at all what I expected.’ Abby gave Diego a little nod. ‘Many thanks, Diego.’ She reached for one of the bolillo rolls served with the soup. ‘I’ve learned to expect the unexpected coming here. There’s always something just a little quirky.’ She blew on the spoonful of soup she’d just lifted from the bowl, before taking a sip. ‘Wow, you can taste the garlic, cumin and oregano. This is gorgeous.’ Luke reached over and broke open one of the crusty bolillo rolls, dipping it into his soup. ‘So are you going to tell me any more about how you got here?’ Abby shook her head. She didn’t feel like getting into all that. Especially not in the middle of a restaurant. Her hand went automatically to the locket around her neck. Luke had no idea that his picture was still in there, underneath the picture of Reuben. Still close to her heart. ‘I think it’s time we talk about you, Luke.’ He put his spoon down. ‘What do you want to talk about?’ ‘I want to know how you’ve been these last five years. Why you felt you couldn’t keep in touch. Why you ignored every email and message I left you.’ Luke could feel the hairs on his arms stand on end at her questions. She hadn’t raised her voice or caused a scene. She’d just asked the questions in her normal, matter-of-fact manner. But how could he tell her that she’d broken his heart when she’d walked away? He’d pretended that it was all about the fact she’d wanted children and he hadn’t. And he’d kept his defences high, because it had been the only way to get through it. ‘I told you earlier I thought it was best if we had a clean break, Abby. There was no point in sending constant emails or talking on the phone. We both agreed that we wanted different things.’ ‘Wanting different things didn’t mean we couldn’t be friends.’ ‘It was too hard. I needed to focus on my career.’ Then he hesitated. ‘It’s like I tried to say earlier, if we’d kept in touch it would have been difficult for either of us to move on. I know you were just trying to be friendly, but to go from what we had… to being friends—it was just a step too far for me. I needed a clean break. I thought it would be best for you too. I thought you would meet someone else and have the family you always wanted.’ He met her eyes in the flickering candlelight. ‘It broke my heart when you walked away.’ Silence. So quiet you could have heard a pin drop. Abby put down her spoon and reached out and touched his hand. ‘I didn’t leave because you couldn’t have children, Luke. I left because you wouldn’t even have that discussion with me. You wouldn’t even consider the possibilities.’ Her fingers traced a line up from his wrist to his palm. It felt like, right now, she had to be touching him. She really wanted to plant herself in his lap and wrap her arms around his shoulders—but there was a table in the way. ‘You broke my heart too, you know?’ ‘I know,’ he whispered. ‘I just didn’t expect this.’ ‘Expect what?’ He pulled his hand back and sat back in his chair. ‘You, to have a family—like this. I thought you would have met someone, got married and been pregnant.’ Abby felt the hairs stand up on the back of her neck. She could say a hundred things here. Tears glistened in her eyes. But there was only one thing she wanted to say. It didn’t matter how inappropriate it was. It didn’t matter that Luke was only here for a few days. He was here, right now, for the first time in five years. She sucked in a deep breath. ‘How could I do that, Luke? How could I meet someone else and fall in love? My heart was always going to belong to you.’ ‘Wow.’ She saw his shoulders tense. ‘Wow? That’s all you can say—wow?’ A sexy smile spread across his face. He stood up, leaned across the table and planted a kiss straight on her surprised lips. ‘Sometimes actions speak louder than words, Abby.’ He sat back down in his chair. The way he staring at her was unnerving her. She didn’t feel as if she was sitting in a restaurant. She felt as if they were the only two people in the room. Abby went to speak but Diego appeared from out of nowhere to remove the plates from their table. ‘You enjoy, yes?’ Abby nodded in response, trying to break the heavy silence. ‘What’s next?’ she asked. ‘Our specialty, fajitas.’ ‘My favourite. Fab, thanks, Diego.’ She watched as he sauntered back to the kitchen. She gulped. Time to change the subject. ‘How’s your relationship with your parents these days?’ The warmth between them vanished in an instant. His icy blue eyes met hers. ‘How do you think it is?’ She shrugged. Absolutely the wrong thing to say. It was obvious there was no improvement, but she’d never found out why and after all this time it felt as if it was time to dig a little deeper. ‘I think I don’t know, Luke, because you’ve never talked about it. But we’re five years older and five years wiser.’ She reached across the table and caught his hand in hers. ‘So do you want to tell me what’s so bad about them?’ ‘You’ve met them, you should understand.’ Her brow furrowed. ‘Yes, I’ve met them and thought they were a little cold. But I never really got to know them.’ ‘Lucky you,’ he mumbled. She squeezed his hand a little harder. ‘That seems a strange thing to say about your parents.’ Luke threw his hands up. ‘Well, they’re not exactly regular parents, are they? Ryan and I hardly saw them when we were kids. The life of a senator is very busy. I knew my nanny better than I knew my parents.’ ‘That’s horrible.’ She could feel the tension in the air. There was an inevitable question that followed that statement. ‘How were they when Ryan was sick?’ ‘Busy. They were always busy.’ The words were almost spat out. Abby swallowed hard. ‘Too busy to look after their child when he was sick?’ The words were alien to her, almost filled with disbelief. She’d been in the situation herself and couldn’t imagine a parent not wanting to be at their child’s sickbed. The look of disgust on Luke’s face was evident. ‘They were hardly ever there. Do you know the first time Ryan needed a bone-marrow aspiration my mother ran from the room and left me there with Ryan? I’ve never forgiven her for that. They went to a few hospital appointments, spoke to a few doctors and then carried on with business as usual. I was more of a parent to Ryan than they were. I went with Ryan for all his treatments— well, most of them.’ The words were left hanging in the air. Luke hadn’t moved. He was still lost in his thoughts. Her fingertips brushed over the top of his clenched fist that lay on the table. He blinked at the feather-like touch, automatically releasing his hand. ‘You said most of them?’ ‘What?’ Her touch had jerked him back out of that black place. The one where he was a teenager, laden with responsibility and guilt. Trying to fill the space left by two absent adults. Her dark brown eyes were pulling him in, pulling him into a place he didn’t want to go to. She was doing it again. Looking at him as though she could see right into the heart of the matter, right into his soul. Her fingers were now concentrating on his outstretched index finger, running gently up and down it in a soothing manner. ‘You said most of the time. I kind of get the impression you’ve not said everything you need to. Were you with Ryan when he died?’ His fingers clenched again, hiding themselves inside his fist. Abby wanted to pull the words back into her mouth. A dark and heavy cloud loomed over them. She knew the answer to that question without him even having to formulate a sentence. ‘I wasn’t allowed to be with Ryan. It was about the only time my parents did finally come home.’ Her mind tried to make sense of what he’d just said. ‘What do you mean, you weren’t allowed?’ She could see his heavy eyelids. She knew that behind them there were tears forming. Please don’t let me see him cry. ‘That’s when I had mumps. I couldn’t be near Ryan when he was immunocompromised. So I had to phone my mom and dad and ask them to come home.’ He ran his fingers through his hair. ‘They were their usual busy selves. I don’t think any of us realised just how sick Ryan actually was.’ Abby stretched her arms across the table and took both his hands again. He could see the pain in her eyes, the empathy from a mother who could find herself in that position too. ‘I hope you’re both hungry.’ Diego appeared, placing sizzling platters of chicken and beef on the table. Abby drew her hands back, fixing a smile on her face as he added the additional pots of guacamole, salsa, sour cream and cheese. The fajitas came in a covered dome to keep them warm. ‘Enjoy!’ he announced, oblivious to the tension at the table, as he retreated towards the kitchen. She fixed her eyes on Luke as his eyes took in the spread on the table. Had he been about to say something else? What a terrible burden for a teenage boy, to feel as if he’d let his brother down when he’d needed him most. She watched as he lifted one of the side plates and started to ladle food onto it. ‘You know it wasn’t your fault, right?’ He stopped, a spoonful of salsa between his plate and the serving dish. ‘You know that it wasn’t your fault you were sick? Anyone can get sick at any time.’ Luke set the spoon down on his plate. Abby had never seen his pale blue eyes so serious. ‘I know that the last time I saw my brother I promised him I would teach him how to play poker. I didn’t get the chance.’ ‘But you were a teenager, Luke. You couldn’t have known how seriously ill he was.’ ‘Actually, I could have. I was the one having all the conversations with the doctors. I was the one that saw him on a daily basis and could see the deterioration in his condition. You know what the first words my mother said to me were? Why didn’t you tell me he was so sick? From my mother!’ Abby took a deep breath. Luke had never really spoken about this before. And she didn’t want him to stop. This was good for him. This was good for them. The thought came out of nowhere. Why was she thinking about them? There was no them. There hadn’t been for five years. ‘Luke, your parents should never have left you in that position. As an adult, you must see that now? You must realise how unfair that was.’ He shook his head. ‘I don’t want to talk about it any more,’ he mumbled as he bent to spoon some of the chicken and salsa mixture into his mouth. A smile crept across her face. In part, to welcome the light relief that was about to come. She watched as the realisation hit Luke as the taste receptors in his mouth went into overdrive. He started to choke and splutter, tears forming in his eyes and streaming down his cheeks. She pulled his glass over and refilled it with icy water, pushing it towards him and folding her arms across her chest. ‘Hot enough for you, Mr Smarty Pants? I’ll have what she’s having.’ Luke covered his mouth with his napkin as he continued to choke, grabbing the glass and drinking thirstily. He thumped it back on the table and eyed her suspiciously. ‘You knew, didn’t you? You knew exactly how strong it was going to be?’ ‘I did warn you my tastes have changed. Why do you think Diego brought us a pitcher of iced water?’ His brain went into overdrive. She’d just said it again, her tastes had changed. Did that mean him? ‘I just thought he was being polite. I didn’t think he was trying to set me on fire!’ ‘Do you want me to ask him for something a little milder for you?’ The words were like a challenge being thrown down. ‘You were the one, after all, who used to say I didn’t have the palate for spicy food.’ ‘No, of course not. This will be fine.’ The glint appeared back in his eyes. ‘I can out-eat you anywhere. I just need another pitcher of water.’ Abby gave a smile and signalled to Diego. ‘Then let the challenge begin.’ CHAPTER SIX (#ulink_2c05b857-be94-532c-bc46-1048e59f1bcf) WHEN they got home a very excitable Reuben had crept back out of bed. Lucy gave a shake of her head. ‘I’m sorry, Abby, but he seems to be full of energy tonight.’ Abby smiled. ‘Don’t worry, Lucy. Thanks for looking after him.’ It took almost an hour to persuade him to get back under the covers. Abby had to read him four stories before he finally nodded off. By the time she got downstairs Luke had lit the fire in the front room and opened a bottle of wine. Abby slumped down into the nearest armchair and they sat for a few moments in silence, watching the flickering flames. She took a sip of her wine and studied him carefully. He could still pass for a male model with his surfer-boy looks. There might be a few more lines around his eyes and on his forehead but they didn’t detract from his good looks, only added character. She lifted her hand to her face. Did the lines around her eyes add character? Or only make her look older than her thirty years? She remembered the way that all the females in the hospital where they’d been interns together had flocked around him, batting their eyelids and reapplying their lipstick. And he hadn’t shown the slightest bit of interest. In fact, he’d made a point of introducing his girlfriend Abby to them all. Loyalty had always been Luke’s strong point— that and a few other things that took place behind closed doors. She felt the colour rushing into her face at the memories that flooded her mind. ‘Penny for your thoughts?’ ‘What?’ Abby gulped. The last thing she wanted to do was share those kinds of thoughts with him. ‘You looked lost in your thoughts. What’s up? Are you tired?’ She leaned back a little further into her chair, hoping he wouldn’t notice her reddening cheeks. ‘It’s certainly been a big day. It’s not every day your ex turns up with the First Lady in tow.’ He smiled and nodded slowly. ‘I decided to make an entrance.’ ‘You certainly did.’ Luke set his glass down on the table next to him. ‘I honestly nearly died of shock when I saw you sitting there, with your feet on the desk. Good shock, that is. If ever anybody could get me out of a pickle…’ He left the words hanging in the air as he threw a cheeky grin at her. ‘I kept expecting someone to jump out from behind a set of curtains with a camera and shout, ‘Fooled you’!’ Luke heaved a huge sigh. ‘You’ve no idea how much I wish that had happened.’ He pointed to a pile of stuff in the corner. ‘What’s with the old DVDs and romance novels? I didn’t know you were into that.’ ‘They’re for Jennifer Taylor.’ ‘What?’ Luke had just taken another sip of his wine, which he spluttered down the front of his shirt. ‘She asked me for them earlier, she’s bored out of her mind. I meant to take them along to her…’ she glanced at her watch ‘…but time’s just gotten away from me.’ ‘I’ll take them for you.’ He looked outside at the inky-dark night. ‘I wouldn’t want you walking along that path at this time of night.’ ‘Which is exactly what I have to do when I’m on call. You don’t have to protect me, Luke, I’m a big girl now.’ ‘I know that.’ Something flickered across his mind. ‘What happens to Reuben when you’re on call?’ ‘Lucy comes and stays overnight. She uses one of the guest bedrooms.’ He nodded thoughtfully. She’d really thought of everything. Something twisted inside him again. Why? Reuben just reminded him so much of Ryan. Even some of his little mannerisms had seemed so familiar this evening when he’d been watching him. The way he’d played with that little spiky bit of hair at the front of his head, and the way he’d been so meticulous about lining up his soldiers in a particular order. So many coincidences, all wrapped up in one little boy. One little boy that Luke wished was his. There. He’d thought it. Why was he even thinking like this? He was hopeless around kids. He’d never really taken the time to get to know any. He wouldn’t have a clue how to interact with a child. Another thought flickered through his head. Was it just the physical similarities? Was it the white-blond hair and blue eyes that was drawing him to Reuben? Was he looking for something he’d lost? A replacement for his brother? It sent a shiver down his spine. Then there was the ALL. He’d been there and done that before. There was no way on this earth that he wanted to go through any of that again. He already lost someone who was infinitely precious to him, he just couldn’t even contemplate allowing himself to be in that position again. But what about Abby? The feelings that were resurfacing were making Luke feel alive again for the first time in five years. Did he really want to let her slip through his fingers a second time? In the space of one day a whole host of possibilities and complications lay in front of him. Things that he’d pushed from his mind for so long. Abby made him happy. She was the key component here. He didn’t care about the distance between Washington and Pelican Cove. He cared about what was right in front of him. But Abby was a package deal. She came with Reuben. And all of this, all of this wasn’t about them. It was something that ran much deeper. This was about finally letting himself think about being a father, something he’d never allowed himself to consider. Something he’d pushed right to the back recesses of his mind, somewhere dark and bleak where things never emerged from. Now possibilities were floating around in his mind. Tiny, persistent ideas that bounced around, spiralling into something else entirely. Abby had said if she met someone she might have children, or she might adopt again. Would she be happy never to have children of her own? ‘Luke? Luke?’ Her voice cut through his thoughts, channelling him back to the present day and time. ‘Sorry, what is it?’ ‘You were lost in a world of your own. I was asking you if you’d brought some scrubs from the hospital to wear tonight.’ He laughed as he remembered her earlier comment about not wearing his ‘normal nightwear’, which in fact was nothing. ‘Don’t worry, your son’s innocence is safe with me.’ He had a twinkle in his eye that she hadn’t seen in a long time and it caught her unawares. Under the flickering firelight Luke’s hair stood out and his pale blue eyes captured her gaze and held it, making her breath catch in her throat. This could be so easy. It would be so simple to step forward into his arms and then step back five years in time. She could almost hear her heart beating against her chest and a low, unfamiliar feeling between her legs. It had been so long since she’d slept with someone. In fact, it had been five long years. Tears sprang to her eyes in recognition of the thought. Five long years since she’d felt his skin against hers, felt his lips on her throat, her shoulders, her breasts… She’d been asked out loads of times, on rare occasions she’d agreed to a date and maybe even a kiss. But that had been it. No one had ever lit the flame inside her like Luke had. No one had ever made her want to throw off her clothes and run naked down a beach like Luke had. No one had ever made her want to squeeze into the smallest on-call room in the hospital and barricade the door like Luke had. Then he was there, right in front of her, kneeling on the floor in her house, taking the wine glass out of her hand. It was almost like a dream. Almost like a fantasy. ‘I miss you, Abby.’ ‘I’ve missed you too Luke.’ He ran his hand down her arm, lifting her hand and placing it on his chest. She could feel his beating heart under her fingertips and the rise and fall of his warm chest. After five years Luke was back, right where she’d always wanted him. She shifted forwards in the chair, her knees naturally easing to the floor in front of him. His hand reached up, catching the side of her face and pulling her towards him. And he kissed her. Slowly and gently, as she felt his heartbeat quicken under her palm. She wanted to touch him. She wanted to feel his skin on hers, so with trembling hands she started to undo the buttons on his shirt, slowly at first, never moving her lips from his, then tugged at them in frustration as they halted her progress. His kiss had deepened, his tongue easing its way into her mouth. His hands slid under her light cardigan and she lifted her arms upwards as he pulled it off in one seamless movement. His hand stroked across her face as he pulled backwards to watch her in the flickering firelight. ‘You’re so beautiful, Abby,’ he whispered as he ran his fingers along her jaw line and down the delicate skin on her throat. She caught her breath. She knew what was coming next. His hands met at her breastbone then separated outwards towards her aching nipples. He brushed against them, making her feel as if they were on fire. A smile danced across his lips. ‘So what would you like me to do, Abby?’ He slid the straps on her summer dress down over her shoulders. She inhaled sharply as he bent his head down lower, releasing the clip on her bra and catching her nipple in his teeth. Abby could feel the throb between her legs. His tongue danced over her nipple. ‘This?’ he asked, his pale blue eyes glinting wickedly. ‘Oh, yes,’ she whispered. Her hands reached around his back and pulled him even closer. This was meant to be a kiss. This was meant to be just an I’ve-missed-you kiss. But she wanted so much more. Luke lifted the scatter cushions from the chair she’d been sitting on and placed them on the rug beneath them. He laid her down gently as he positioned himself above her. This was what he’d wanted from the moment he’d seen her that morning. He bent his head and blew on her nipples, causing her to arch her back towards him. ‘Oh, Luke,’ she moaned. He slid his hand under her dress, pushing aside her panties and plunging his finger into the wet moistness. She lifted her hips towards him, urging him to plunge deeper. ‘These clothes have got to go, Abby,’ he said, as in one movement he reached up his hands and yanked down her panties, pulling them over her slim legs and feet. She wiggled her way out of her dress and threw it onto the nearby sofa. She tugged at the belt on his trousers. ‘You’re right, these clothes have definitely got to go.’ It only took a few seconds to undo his belt and reveal the white shorts she’d admired earlier. Even in the dim light, they couldn’t possibly conceal, or contain, his stiff erection. She ran her fingers along the length, smiling as she heard his sharp intake of breath. She wrapped her arms around his neck, whispering in his ear, ‘I guess all the clothes should really go—no matter how nice they are.’ Her hands slid down his back, cupping his buttocks. Her legs had naturally separated, allowing him to fit between them. All he had to do was… ‘Wait a minute!’ Abby leapt upwards. ‘Condoms, we need condoms.’ She barely noticed the surprise on his face as her naked body ran out the door and up the stairs. Luke was frozen. Why would she need condoms? After all, he couldn’t make her pregnant, could he? What else did she need protection against? He lay on his side, in front of the fire, his head leaning on his hand. Abby dashed back into the room at top speed, clutching a box in her hands. She stood in front of him, completely naked, biting her bottom lip. ‘I think they might be out of date,’ she mumbled. His eyes drifted up and down the length of her body. Her creamy skin illuminated by the dancing firelight. She was still perfection. In his previous visions, Abby had always reminded him of Rapunzel with her long flowing locks. But the new, shorter, edgier hairstyle suited her. It revealed more of her body, in particular her luscious full breasts and flaring hips. His eyes fell even lower, to the blonde triangle of hair. ‘Come here.’ His voice was deep, husky. She walked towards him and knelt down, the box still in her hand. He took it, an amused gleam in his eye, and glanced at the date. ‘I guess they’re not going to be much use.’ Somehow, the fact that Abby had a box of out-of-date condoms sent good sensations running through him. He bent forward, taking one of her nipples into his mouth and gently teasing it with his teeth. ‘So it’s been a long time, then, Abby?’ She nodded wordlessly. Her mind was too engrossed by his actions to formulate a response. ‘Would it help if I told you it had been a long time for me too?’ Her eyes widened. He remembered her questions about ‘Luscious Lisa’ earlier. Did she think he’d slept with her? He closed his hands around the box before tossing it carelessly to one side. ‘You’re safe, Abby. I’m safe. Now let’s see what we can do about making up for the last five years.’ He rolled onto his back, pulling her above him. ‘I think the lady should be in control,’ he teased huskily. ‘I think I can do that.’ She poised above him, hovering over his thick length, then bent forward, her hair brushing over his chest as she kissed him thoroughly, before lowering herself gently down on him. The sensation was immediate. Fullness. A feeling that spread through her whole body, like a pulsating heat generating outwards. It felt like coming home. But Luke wasn’t finished with her yet. He started to move, rhythmically, playing a tune that he hadn’t played in years. He knew exactly where to touch her, where to stroke and how to take her right to the edge. And so he did. Again. And again. And again. Abby woke at seven a.m. The sun was streaming through the curtains, showing the start of a beautiful sun-kissed day. She stretched in her comfortable bed. Then she realised something was wrong. The house was silent. Her house was never silent at this time in the morning. But, then, she never slept this late, and she never woke up alone. Reuben always woke up in the middle of the night and she brought him into bed beside her. She sat up in bed and rubbed her eyes. She couldn’t even remember how she had got to bed. The last thing she remembered she’d been lying on the rug in the living room with Luke. The memories made her blush. Abby threw back the cover, pushed her feet into her slippers and grabbed her dressing gown from the foot of the bed. As soon as she pushed open her bedroom door she could hear voices. Happy voices. No, Reuben’s voice was happy—Luke’s voice was a little strained. She wandered along the corridor towards them. Luke was lying in the guest bedroom, propped up on some pillows. Somehow he’d resisted coming into bed alongside her. He must have known she wouldn’t have wanted Reuben to see them in bed together. His duvet had been transformed into an assault course for a variety of soldiers and cars. Ornaments, toothbrushes and aerosol cans littered the cover and Reuben was having the time of his life. Crash! Bang! ‘Give me the red one, Luke, it’s the supercharged one. You take the blue one—it can fly. Now, ready, set, go!’ Abby stood in the doorway. They hadn’t even noticed her yet. She could feel the butterflies in her stomach. This was the man that didn’t want children. Ever. Hell, he hadn’t even liked coming up to the paediatric ward to pick her up and on the few occasions that he had appeared, he hadn’t been able to get out of the place quickly enough. Then something else struck her. She’d never seen Reuben do this before. He’d never had a male adult role model in his life. Most of his adult contacts were with Abby or Lucy. She watched him as he leapt onto Luke’s back and tried to tumble him to the floor. She frowned. It was much more rough and tumble behaviour than he did with her. Was this what a little boy needed? And he wasn’t getting it from her? For the first time ever she felt strangely lacking. Maybe Reuben needed more than her? ‘Abby, hi.’ Luke’s voice cut through her thoughts. His eyes were heavy from lack of sleep and an uncomfortable smile was on his face. ‘Reuben woke me early this morning. He decided we would be playmates.’ Luke shifted underneath the cover, causing numerous items to move around the bed. ‘Wow, Luke, now we’ve got a mountain!’ shouted Reuben as he pounced on Luke’s bent knee. Luke lifted his eyebrows at Abby. ‘Does he wake this early every day?’ Abby nodded solemnly. Luke swallowed thoughtfully. Long, comfortable lie-ins were obviously a thing from the past in this household. The kind of thing he used to do with Abby on a morning like this. Long, lazy days usually spent wrapped in each other’s arms with no one else to think about. If only. He caught the expression on her face. He could tell she was uncomfortable, but why? It was time to get her mind on other things. ‘This morning we have the car and soldier extraordinaire assault course. Would you care to have a try?’ He lifted the corner of the duvet cover and gave her a wink. Abby he could deal with. Abby he was comfortable with. She watched, an uneasy feeling spreading over her. Her child. Reuben was hers. And he had been right from the start. Hers alone. She didn’t have to share him. What’s more, she didn’t want to share him. ‘Are you coming in, Mommy?’ She shook her head. ‘No, honey. Let’s go downstairs and make breakfast.’ In one leap, Reuben flew across the room and flung himself into her arms. ‘Great, I’m starving.’ The warmth of his little body spread that familiar feeling throughout her body. The feeling that gave her reassurance of her place and role in his life. She was his mother. No one could take that away from her. ‘What are we having, Mommy?’ ‘What do you want?’ ‘Porridge! Porridge is my favouwite!’ Abby gave him a kiss on the cheek and set him down on the floor. ‘Then porridge it is.’ She turned her head towards Luke. ‘And Dr Luke will get dressed before he comes downstairs,’ she said determinedly. The thought of Luke parading around her kitchen in his thin theatre scrubs conjured up butterflies in her stomach that she didn’t need. Abby started as the phone rang as she walked by the hall table. She picked it up quickly and listened to the voice at the other end. Luke was wandering down the stairs towards her, some decidedly rumpled clothes in place and his hair standing on end. ‘Yes, yes. No, I understand.’ She winked at Luke as he appeared behind her. ‘Oh, don’t worry, I’m sure I can find someone to do that. No problem, see you later.’ ‘Who was that?’ ‘David Fairgreaves.’ ‘What? Is something wrong with Jennifer Taylor?’ She shook her head. ‘No, Jennifer Taylor is doing fine. No signs of going into labour as yet. Valerie Carter, however, has just decided to go into an early labour.’ Luke’s brow furrowed. ‘Who’s Valerie Carter?’ ‘Do you remember that yesterday I told you our cardiologist was 38 weeks pregnant, with a full clinic?’ He nodded. ‘So that’s Valerie Carter.’ The realisation of her words had just struck him. ‘So what have you just volunteered me for?’ ‘Just to cover her clinics and procedures tomorrow.’ She gave a little smile over her shoulder as she walked towards the kitchen. ‘Let’s face it, you don’t have anything else to do for the next few days.’ Luke gave her a lazy smile. ‘True. It’s not like I can do anything for Jennifer Taylor. I might as well make myself useful. But I thought you said you only had a few deliveries a year?’ He followed her into the kitchen and as she washed her hands at the sink, he stepped up behind her, sliding his arms around her waist and pressing the full length of his body against hers. She leaned backwards into him, and his head dropped to the exposed skin at the nape of her neck as he started to run some butterfly-like kisses up to the back of her ear. ‘It’s true, but what’s that old saying, “When it rains, it pours”?’ He could hear her breath catching in her throat, knowing the effect he was having on her. ‘So I’m going to spend the next few days surrounded by babies, then?’ His voice was low and husky and there was a certain something awakening behind her as he pressed closer. Abby let out a little groan as she answered, leaning her head further back and exposing even more of the white skin on her neck. ‘Looks like it. Time to get used to it, Luke. Pelican Cove is a small place, you can’t just hide away because you don’t like kids.’ Her voice was loaded, her tone almost accusing. ‘You don’t like kids, Dr Luke?’ Reuben’s voice was like a bolt out of the blue, causing them to spring apart. He pulled his T-shirt lower to cover the swell in his trousers. Damn! He’d forgotten all about Reuben. All he’d thought about was Abby and what he wanted to do to her. The intrusion irked him. He wasn’t used to this. He wasn’t used to being mindful of small eyes and ears. He was used to walking across his apartment wearing nothing but his birthday suit. And previously, when he’d been with Abby, they’d managed to christen every room in the apartment they’d shared. How could you do that with a child about? It was bad enough to be woken early every day, without any extracurricular activities being interrupted as well. Reuben’s voice was full of astonishment. ‘Why don’t you like kids?’ Luke shifted uncomfortably as a tinge of red appeared on his cheeks. ‘Who said I don’t like kids?’ ‘My mom did.’ His eyes were large and his expression solemn. ‘And she knows everything. Don’t you like me?’ There was something in the way he said it, like a four-year-old who implicitly trusted his own little world, that tugged at Luke’s heartstrings. He wanted the floor to open up and swallow him. For a second, he’d almost wished the little guy away. He was the adult here, and he was a guest in their home. It was up to him to make an effort. Reuben was part of Abby’s life, and whether he liked it or not he was going to have to get used to the idea. A picture flitted through his mind. A picture of another little boy on a day out at the beach— wide-eyed, expressive and trusting—just before his wretch of a big brother had dunked him in a rock pool. He could feel Abby’s eyes staring at him, burrowing into the side of his face. He bent downwards and whispered in Reuben’s ear, ‘Of course I like you, Reuben. You look just like another little boy that I used to play with. And I liked him—a lot.’ Reuben’s eyes narrowed, before he nodded acceptingly and trotted off to play. Luke breathed a sigh of relief and sagged back against the wall. This was tougher than he’d thought. CHAPTER SEVEN (#ulink_2736beb0-5251-54bd-af9b-96bbf7f167ce) ABBY headed out to the front step, shaking some crumbs from the breakfast tablecloth. Luke couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen someone use a fabric tablecloth—it must be one of the things her aunt had left. ‘So what are we going to do today?’ There was a twinkle in his eye. He could think of lots of things he’d like to do with Abby today. ‘We—’ she emphasized the word strongly as she looked pointedly at Reuben ‘—were going to do a little shopping, then head down to the beach.’ Luke glanced downwards at his rumpled clothes—a fine cotton shirt and dress trousers— not exactly made for the beach. He grimaced as he thought of the contents of his suitcase—more shirts, suits and ties. Clothes designed to wear at a professional conference to impress. No casual clothes at all. Certainly nothing suitable for a beach. He turned his head towards the ocean view outside. The early sunrise sent shimmers of pink and orange glistening across the cove waters. It was going to be a gorgeous day. ‘Think you can manage to spend the day with a family, bachelor boy?’ It was a loaded question and Abby didn’t wait for his response but turned on her heel and headed back into the kitchen. Luke watched her retreating back, in her figure-hugging shorts and skimpy T-shirt. He could only imagine what she’d look like in a bikini. It was a sight he didn’t want to miss. ‘You bet,’ he murmured as he followed her indoors. An hour later they were in one of the local stores. Abby flicked through the rails. ‘Nope, nope, no, no…’ She gave him a cursory glance as the clothes hangers practically skidded along the rails. ‘Ahh, this one.’ She held up a purple T-shirt and tossed it in his direction with a nod of approval, before moving over to the clothes stand with stacks of folded shorts. Luke shook his head in bewilderment at the mirror, as he held the T-shirt up in front of him. He gave a little smile. The colouring and style were perfect for him, he squinted at the label— yes, it was the right size, the woman hadn’t lost her touch. He heard a loud sigh at his feet. Reuben was sitting on the floor, bucket and spade in hand, looking extremely bored. ‘She does this with me too.’ ‘Does what?’ ‘Picks all my clothes.’ He shook his little blond head. ‘It’s best not to argue or we’ll be here for ever.’ Luke let out a roar of laughter. Spoken like a man who knew which battles to fight. Reuben screwed up his nose as he stared at Luke’s purple T-shirt, ‘She usually picks good stuff. You should be okay.’ ‘Okay for what?’ Abby appeared at their sides, clutching two pairs of knee-length shorts in her hands. She pointed towards the nearby changing room. ‘Go and make sure these fit,’ she said, thrusting the shorts in his direction. He raised his eyebrow at her. ‘What’s wrong, Abs, worried you’ve forgotten what size I am?’ She rolled her eyes at his innuendo-laden question, before giving him a naughty smile of her own. ‘Heads up, little guy.’ She tapped Reuben on the shoulder. ‘I’ve decided that you can pick Luke’s swimwear.’ She pointed towards a rail loaded with various styles of swimming shorts and trunks. Luke gulped. The neon bright colors were already hurting his eyes from a distance. ‘Cool,’ mumbled Reuben, before heading over towards the rail. ‘You don’t mind—do you, Luke?’ He shook his head quickly before ducking inside the changing room. ‘Please, please, don’t let it be the tiny trunks,’ he muttered as he pushed his legs into the shorts Abby had picked for him. In less than thirty seconds he was done. Both sets of shorts were perfect for the beach, loose fitting and ending just above his knees. He stuck his head back out the changing room. ‘The shorts are fine, but do I only get one T-sh—’ He stopped. Abby had already picked out another two T-shirts for him. She stared down at his long legs. ‘The shorts are nice…’ she smiled ‘…but we really need to do something about those shoes.’ Luke laughed and followed her gaze. Beach shorts and black leather Italian shoes really didn’t mix. ‘I’ve found you the best pair of swimmers ever, Luke!’ Reuben rushed over, holding the brightly coloured shorts in front of him. ‘Whaddya think?’ Luke lifted them from his small hands. Just as he’d feared. Bright green neon ninja turtles. The little face was staring up at him, so pleased with the item that he’d found. Waiting for him to say something. Abby frowned as she reached over and fingered the swim shorts. ‘These look just like yours, Reuben.’ ‘I know!’ he shouted. ‘We’ll be a match! Isn’t that cool?’ Luke’s eyes drifted between Reuben and Abby. He couldn’t read the expression on her face. It was almost as if she wasn’t quite sure how to react, what to say. Not like Abby at all. But he could read the expression on Reuben’s face and he didn’t hesitate. ‘These look fabulous, Reuben. I love them.’ ‘You do?’ ‘Sure I do. Now give me two minutes so I can pay for all this stuff.’ Luke pulled the labels off the T-shirt and shorts that he was wearing and handed them to the cashier, along with the other items. Two minutes later they left with his crumpled shirt and dress trousers stuffed into one of the plastic bags. Abby ran her eyes up and down the length of him. Something prickled under her gaze. Something thankfully hidden beneath baggy beach shorts. She knew him better than he knew himself. Another hour later they were on the beach, lying on their matching ninja turtle beach towels. Luke pulled off his newly purchased sneakers and exposed his hot feet to the cool air around them. ‘You didn’t have to do that.’ ‘Do what?’ She stuck the parasol into the sand and tilted it towards Reuben’s towel to shade him from the sun. ‘Buy all this stuff.’ She pointed to the items lying around them. Luke leaned towards her. ‘I’ll have you know that I’ve always wanted a ninja turtle towel. They just didn’t seem to have them anywhere in Washington.’ He lay back, raising his hands to shade his face from the sun. ‘I guess I just lucked out, coming here.’ ‘I guess you did.’ The words seemed to hang in the air between them, the meaning more than either one could say. Abby bit her bottom lip. Today was so different for her. Usually when she and Reuben came to the beach, they came alone. But Luke’s presence was everywhere, and it wasn’t just his muscular frame. She’d noticed a difference in Reuben, how he was acting. He kept giving sidelong glances at Luke, looking for his approval on what towel he wanted, what ice cream he picked, what path they chose to walk to the beach. And it was uncomfortable. She was used to being the centre of Reuben’s whole world—as he was hers—and something about this just didn’t feel right. She wasn’t used to him asking someone else’s opinion or considering someone else’s point of view. She made all the decisions for the two of them. It was her word that was law. Her hand that he held. Her permission that he sought. Abby gave herself a shake. This was silly. Luke was only here for a few days. He was a novelty to Reuben, a novelty that would soon wear off when Reuben realised that Luke wasn’t really interested in him. Her eyes drifted over to the water’s edge. Reuben had met some other kids and was busy making mud pies—his favorite hobby every time they came here. Pelican Cove was lucky, they had lifeguards who patrolled the beach during the summer season, both for the families and for the ardent surfers who spent most of the day on the waves. There were lots of families here, all resting back and enjoying their time at the beach. Families. Something about the word made her uncomfortable again. She cast her eyes around the beach. Would other people think they were a family? A happy mom, dad and son spending a day at the beach? Her eyes fell on Luke as he leaned back with his eyes closed on the towel. With his white-blond hair and matching swimwear it was likely that people would assume he was Reuben’s father. She bit her lip. But he wasn’t. And he hadn’t wanted to be. He hadn’t wanted to be a father to any child. So why was he here playing happy families with her today? Abby gave a sigh and leaned back against her towel. There was no point in thinking about this. There was no point in over-analysing things. What was done was done. In a few days’ time Luke would be gone again. So maybe she should just focus on the good. The companionship. The warmth, the comfort and the passion. It could be a long time before she felt those things again. Luke was dreaming. Or maybe it was daydreaming. The sun was beating down on his skin and if he just turned on his side and reached out there was a warm body next to his. A warm body that arched, then fitted comfortably next to his, sliding into place as if it was always meant to be there, easing tight butt cheeks right against his… ‘Luke!’ The enthusiastic voice pulled him from the wonderland he’d been inhabiting, jerking him back to present day and time. Or maybe he hadn’t been dreaming. His body was spooned around Abby’s, his hand wrapped tightly around her waist. Now, if he just lifted his hand a little more and slipped it underneath her shirt… ‘Come on, Luke!’ The voice was still there and wasn’t going to go away. Luke heaved himself up, pulling his shorts to adjust their position. He blinked in the bright sunlight and pulled his shades down from his forehead. Abby was sleeping peacefully on the beach towel next to him. She hadn’t even heard Reuben’s voice. Luke tried to crowd out the immediate thoughts in his head. The thoughts that tried to vanquish this little guy from sight. He stared at the little pair of eyes fixed on his. Nope. He definitely wasn’t going away. ‘What’s up, Reuben?’ ‘I want to go in the water and I’m not allowed without an adult. Beach rules number one.’ The words rolled off his tongue in ease. Luke’s face broke into a smile. How could he fail to? He leaned forward. ‘So how many beach rules are there, Reuben?’ ‘Seven.’ He didn’t hesitate for a second. ‘Wanna hear them all?’ Luke nodded slowly as he glanced at Abby again. She looked tired and he’d kept her up half the night. She deserved some rest. He pulled the beach parasol closer to shade her from the sun and stood up. ‘Let’s go, little guy.’ He hesitated, just for a second, before reaching out his hand to Reuben’s and walking down to the water’s edge with him. Around them he could see lots of families in the water, fathers throwing their kids over their shoulders and ducking them under the waves. How hard could this be? ‘I want to do that.’ Reuben’s voice had a determined edge to it, his finger pointing in the direction of the surfers. Luke’s brow furrowed. Right now, he’d like to do that too. ‘Have you done it before, short stuff?’ ‘Mommy can’t surf. She said I’d need to wait for one of her friends to show me.’ Luke nodded. Sounded reasonable enough. There was a shack on the beach where some guy was hiring out surfboards, boogie boards and life vests. He pulled Reuben over and fitted him with a bright orange life vest. His eyes ran over the boards on offer and settled on a purple one. He pointed towards it. ‘We’ll take that one.’ ‘Really?’ Reuben’s eyes widened at the adult-sized board, full of enthusiasm and excitement. ‘Sure.’ Luke pulled some dollar bills from his pocket and handed them over before lifting the board under his arm and walking down towards the ocean. He bent to speak to Reuben before entering the ocean. ‘So, I’ve got some ocean rules for you.’ Reuben nodded solemnly whilst his eyes swept over the ocean in front of him. He was practically jumping for joy. ‘First time out, we’re just going to paddle the board out a little, sitting on it together. Got it?’ Reuben nodded. ‘I’m going to surf,’ he said proudly. Luke raised his finger. ‘We won’t be doing any of the standing-up stuff yet. And we won’t be going too far out either.’ He put his arms out, his body drifting from one side to the other. ‘We’re just going to get a feel for the waves, okay?’ ‘Let’s go, Luke.’ Reuben was bouncing on the tips of his toes. He could hardly wait to start. A wide smile broke across Luke’s face. He knew another guy who used to be exactly the same. He set the board down and plopped Reuben astride on top of it, pushing it out into the waves until the water reached his waist. Then he pulled himself up next to Reuben, sitting close behind him, and leaned forward. ‘Let’s start paddling!’ he shouted. And then they started. Paddling their hands as fast as they could, pushing themselves out towards the wide ocean expanse. After a few minutes they stopped and turned the board round to face the shoreline. And sat there—feeling the waves. And Reuben chatted. Constantly. And asked questions. Constantly. For a four-year-old he seemed to have spent some considerable time watching National Geographic. He wanted to talk about tides and moons. And crabs and dolphins. And sharks. Mainly about sharks. Before he moved onto volcanoes then racing cars. And Luke listened. And listened. This four-year-old stuff wasn’t as hard as it seemed. He was just a mini-version of Ryan. He had the same boundless energy and enthusiasm—they must have paddled in and out around ten times by now and his brain never stopped. Reuben wanted to know everything. The kid was just like a giant sponge, trying to soak up every bit of information all around him. And if Luke could have transported himself through time and space to a time when Ryan had still been alive, he knew that they would still end up here, in this place. Because everything about this just felt so right. On these surfboards, at this beach, enjoying everything the day had to offer. They turned to face the shore again and Luke squinted. It looked as if Abby had woken up. ‘Look, short stuff, there’s your mom, looking for us.’ He pointed to her bikini-clad figure on the beach. A very small red bikini that made him wish he was much closer to shore. ‘Uh-oh.’ ‘What do you mean—uh-oh?’ ‘Mom’s gonna be mad.’ ‘Why would she be mad?’ Reuben gave a little chuckle. A tiny four-year-old-sized chuckle. ‘Cos I’m not allowed.’ Luke felt his stomach sink. ‘Reuben Tyler, you’re not allowed to do what, exactly?’ ‘Surf.’ Luke caught sight of Abby as she walked swiftly toward the shoreline. She was not in a happy place. He leaned forward on the board. ‘Start paddling, little man, looks like we’re in trouble.’ Abby had woken with a start. She never fell asleep on the beach. Not when she was there with Reuben. That was irresponsible. Anything could happen. Silence. All around her. Well, not completely. There were still plenty of other families on the beach, digging sandcastles, eating snacks. But there was a strange silence around her. One that she wasn’t used to. She sat up quickly, her hand reaching over to the towel next to her. It was cold. No warm body had just vacated it. Her head flicked from side to side, trying to catch a glimpse of either pair of neon green turtle shorts on the beach. Nowhere. They were nowhere in sight. Her heart gave a little lurch. Stop it. Reuben wasn’t alone. He must be with Luke. But where were they? She saw the kids to her left that Reuben had made the mud pies with earlier. Pulling her hat firmly on her head, she walked towards them quickly. ‘Have you seen Reuben lately?’ she asked, trying to keep the strain from her voice. The kids barely looked upwards. Both were too immersed in burying something in the sand. ‘He’s surfing with his dad,’ came the reply. Her head shot upwards, eyes flickering over the horizon. She could see lots of surfboards on the ocean, most of them far away, like specks on the waves. He couldn’t have. He wouldn’t have. Then she saw it. A board nearer the shore with a hand, raised giving her a wave. Two bodies sitting one in front of the other astride the surfboard, paddling towards her. The two white-blond heads close together, laughing and paddling as fast as they could. She ran down towards the shoreline as the purple board bobbed towards her. Her eyes couldn’t even focus on Luke. She looked entirely at Reuben. ‘Reuben Tyler, what do you think you’re doing?’ ‘Paddling,’ Reuben answered, and Luke almost guffawed. Lord, this kid was smart. ‘Get off that board right now. You know you’re not allowed to go surfing.’ ‘Surfing’s the next lesson, Mommy. Today Luke and I were just feeling the waves.’ He held his arms out and rocked his body from side to side like Luke had done earlier. Abby felt her heart pounding in her chest. She waded into the water and yanked Reuben from the board, putting his feet down firmly on solid ground. Her face was pale. ‘He’s not allowed to do things like this, Luke. It’s too dangerous. I won’t let Reuben take risks.’ Luke slid off the board and pulled it to shore. He placed his hand on Abby’s arm. ‘He was perfectly safe with me, Abby. I wouldn’t take risks with your son.’ She met his eyes and swallowed hard. What she really wanted to do was shout and scream at him for taking her son out onto the ocean. She could see the bright orange life preserver wrapped around him, but right now she didn’t care. Anything could have happened. They could have been swept away. The tide could have turned, a current could have caught them or a rip-tide. A visible shudder swept down her spine. A hand crept around her waist and a warm, wet body touched hers. Reuben was already bounding up the beach towards their parasol and towels. ‘He’s fine Abby.’ The breath from the words tickled the side of her neck. She watched the retreating figure. He was fine. He was safe. So why was she so wound up? Was it the other kids, calling Luke Reuben’s dad? Or was it the thought of Reuben getting to do something special, something he’d asked to do for a long time, with someone other than her? The thoughts spun around in her head. Was it possible she was jealous of the connection Reuben and Luke were making? A connection that didn’t include her? Abby pulled her white cardigan a little closer around her shoulders. It had taken longer than normal to get Reuben to sleep tonight. He’d been so excited by his day at the beach he’d been chattering for hours. She looked at the little sleeping figure in the bed in front of her. His hair lay on the blue pillow, his chest rising and falling lightly with every breath. Perfect. And hers. She sighed and closed the door quietly behind her. Luke had said he would sort out dinner. He’d been tiptoeing around her for the last few hours. Probably trying to placate her after her outburst on the beach. Had she been unreasonable? She’d never had to consult anyone else on her parenting of Reuben. She’d thought she was all that Reuben would ever need. But as her son was getting older was that still the case? Or did a little boy really need a father figure in his life? The smell of food was drifting along the corridor. She went down the stairs and into the kitchen but there was no sign of Luke. A light breeze caught her dress and made it dance around her legs, and she turned swiftly. The front door was open. Luke was sitting on a picnic rug on the grass in front of her house. He smiled as she came down the steps and handed her a glass of chilled wine. ‘Cheers,’ he said, clinking the glass with his bottle of beer as she sat down beside him. ‘I thought we shouldn’t let this beautiful evening go to waste.’ A smile crept across her lips. Two plates of barbeque chicken and baked potatoes sat in front of her. Last time they’d eaten this meal, it had come from a take-out and they’d been sitting on top of a hill in Washington, watching the sunset. This time Luke had obviously spent some time mastering her outside barbeque. The smell was mouthwatering. ‘I wonder where you got this idea. This seems awfully familiar,’ she murmured as she saw the glint in his eye. ‘I wonder indeed,’ he replied as he gently ran a hand along her bare leg. ‘So what do you think?’ She gave him a little smile as the nerve endings in her skin caused her hairs to stand on end. She looked down at the plates. ‘I think your cooking skills have obviously improved over the last few years. But I’m a bit scared to ask who taught you.’ He leaned back onto one elbow and gave her a flirty smile. ‘I’m self-taught. You left me with one saucepan and a microwave. What’s a guy to do?’ He moved a little closer, slipping an arm around her shoulders as he lifted one of the plates onto her lap. ‘And that wasn’t what I meant.’ ‘What did you mean, then?’ Somehow she knew exactly how this night was going to turn out. She took a bite of the barbeque chicken and gave a deep sigh. She couldn’t remember the last time someone had cooked for her. Right now it didn’t matter what Luke had served—anything would have been delicious. He gestured towards the view in front of them. The sun was just beginning to set, sending deep oranges and red spilling across the ocean waves. ‘Washington or Pelican Cove, which has the best sunset?’ She spluttered as she took a drink from her wine glass. ‘How can you even ask that question? When did we ever get views like this in Washington?’ Luke took a drink from his beer bottle and leaned downwards, whispering in her ear. ‘I guess you’re right. The ocean view here is a clear winner.’ He took the plate from her hands and set it down on the grass next to them. Abby leaned back on her elbows, a smile across her face as Luke’s body crossed over hers, his hands on either side of her head, his body right above hers. ‘But there’s a view here that I’d much rather see.’ He bent forward and she tipped her head backwards, exposing the white skin at her throat again as he pushed her cardigan to one side and started to kiss the delicate skin. Her heart fluttered. He still knew exactly where to touch her. How to connect with her. How to send her pulse racing at the slightest touch. ‘And what view might that be, Dr Storm?’ He gave a deep, throaty laugh at the use of his title. She’d reverted back to their game-playing from years ago, when they’d both just qualified and been eager to use their titles. His head bent lower, inching her coral-coloured sundress away from her breasts. His heavy-lidded eyes met hers and he growled, ‘What do you think, Dr Tyler?’ She wrapped her arms around his neck, running her fingers through his short hair and then down the wide planes of his back, settling her hands on his butt cheeks and pulling him closer to her. Her legs opened naturally, letting him settle into the space between them as he pressed closer. She could feel exactly what she wanted. Something about this was perfect. Five years ago, on a secluded Washington hill, they’d been in exactly this same position. His mouth tickled lower, pushing her bra aside and catching her nipple between his teeth. She let out a sharp gasp and thrust her hips against his. There had been something about this before. Being out in the open air, at sunset in a place where no one could find them. This time they were on her front lawn, but her house was at the end of a secluded path that no one came down. She heard the sound of a zipper being released and felt him nudge her panties to one side. There was wicked gleam in his eye. ‘So, Dr Tyler, since we’re re-creating a moment from our past, do you want to re-create the full evening or just part of the evening?’ It was a loaded question. The night in question had been long and eventful. She nibbled at his earlobe. ‘I was with a younger model then,’ she murmured. ‘I’m a little concerned the older version won’t be able to keep up.’ She felt a tickle at her throat as his evening stubble scraped her skin. His voice was heavy with desire. ‘Oh, no, this isn’t the older version, this is the new, improved version. With power settings.’ ‘Is that right?’ She could feel his fingers, easing into her and taking her towards the place she wanted to be. ‘Let’s see these power settings, then.’ Her hips tilted upwards, readying herself for him. ‘Mommy!’ Her body stiffened instinctively. ‘Mommy, where are you?’ Luke groaned and rolled off her as she scrabbled to pull her clothing back into place. She leaned forward and dropped a kiss on his forehead. ‘Sorry, Luke, the joys of motherhood.’ She jumped up and ran up the steps inside the house. ‘I’m right here, honey.’ He heard her trying to placate the little boy who’d obviously woken suddenly, and he heaved a sigh, straining to adjust his zipper back into place. It would be a long time before she was back. If she came back. Luke picked up his half-full beer bottle and took a long, hard swig. Pelican Cove was a gorgeous setting but it came with complications. Complications that he didn’t know if he could handle. Everything about Abby was perfect and the connection between them was still there. The chemistry. When they were together he felt complete. Something he hadn’t felt at any point in the last five years. Something he’d never managed to capture with anyone else. But could he live like this? With constant interruptions? No more long lie-ins, no more lazy days in bed, with just themselves to worry about. For a few hours that afternoon he’d thought he could. He felt something towards Reuben. The little boy had hung on his every word. Wanted to impress him. Wanted to spend time with him. But the question remained. Did he want to spend time with Reuben? CHAPTER EIGHT (#ulink_c29a9c23-883e-5e24-ad8a-70d3d958c72b) ABBY watched in wonder at the huge array of equipment being unloaded in the ambulance bay. All this for one baby? She caught sight of a familiar face at the back of one of the crates. ‘Linc!’ she shouted, as she pushed her way through the jumble of people. Lincoln Adams was the neonatologist she usually worked with at San Francisco Children’s Hospital. She gave him a quick hug and led him inside the emergency department. ‘Are you okay, Linc? You look really tired.’ He shook his head, his hands on his hips. ‘Let’s just say a certain man…’ his eyes followed James Turner as he strode through the department ‘…appeared at my door at 3 a.m. yesterday morning and told me I had to come to Pelican Cove. I haven’t slept in two days.’ He ran his fingers through his short, spiky hair. ‘He wouldn’t take no for an answer.’ Abby nodded. ‘I know exactly how you feel. I’m really sorry, Linc. He asked me for the best neonatologist that I knew. And you were the natural answer.’ Lincoln leaned over and gave her a hug, obvious fatigue making him hold the position a little longer than necessary. ‘It’s not your fault, Abby.’ ‘Want to introduce me?’ Luke’s voice made Abby jump. ‘Yes, sure.’ She noticed the amused expression on Linc’s face. ‘Lincoln Adams, this is Luke Storm, he’s the President’s cardiologist and unfortunately for him he’s the only doctor at the moment to have met the security protocols required to treat the President’s family.’ Lincoln held out his hand towards Luke and the two men shook hands briefly, each sizing the other up. ‘Luke, this is Lincoln Adams, the best neonatologist at San Francisco Children’s Hospital. He’ll be the man looking after our imminent arrival.’ Luke eyed up the new recruit suspiciously. Was there a reason he’d been so keen to hang onto Abby? She may have had an out-of-date box of condoms in Pelican Cove, but what about her home in San Francisco? Was there something more to this relationship? Lincoln Adams pulled uncomfortably at his crumpled T-shirt. ‘Is there somewhere I can get changed, Abby? And somewhere we can get our equipment set up? I want to make sure that we are ready.’ Abby gave a quick nod. ‘We’ve designated a room for you…’ she rolled her eyes ‘…and all your equipment. Have you brought some extra staff?’ Lincoln gave a quick nod. ‘That’s great. I’ll also assign one of our NPs to your team to familiarise you all with the surroundings. Come with me and I’ll show you where the room is and you can let your staff start to unpack.’ She placed her hand firmly at the small of his back. ‘In the meantime, you look like death warmed over. I’ll show you where you can shower and change, and then I’ll take you for something to eat with David Fairgreaves. It’ll give the two of you a chance to discuss your patient.’ Lincoln nodded gratefully. ‘You do know that’s the only reason I came here, right? The chance to work with David Fairgreaves was too good an opportunity to miss.’ ‘And the fact you’ve looked after the First Baby won’t be too shoddy on your r?sum? either, will it?’ Lincoln shook his head and the two of them walked down the corridor together, leaving Luke with an uncomfortable feeling twisting around inside him. What was this? Why did he feel uneasy about the relaxed relationship Abby obviously had with her professional colleague? Wasn’t it just what he would expect from her? He was sure that Lincoln Adams looked and felt exactly the same as he did. Like a fish out of water. In a strange place, with strange people and patients he didn’t know. Luke glanced at the piece of paper he had clutched in his hand. The list of cardiac patients he’d seen that morning at the clinic. Everything had been straightforward, easy almost. He’d been assigned a secretary and a nurse that morning who’d sorted out every test he’d ordered or prescription that he’d written for the patients. This place ran like clockwork and it made him a little envious of his overloaded clinic back in Washington. He wandered back through to the emergency room. ‘Dr Luke!’ Lucy, Reuben’s childcare worker, came careering through the doors towards him. ‘Oh, thank God it’s you,’ she gasped as she sat Reuben down on the worktop of the reception desk. Reuben was crying at the top of his voice, holding his arm outwards away from his body. ‘He cut his hand, playing on the beach.’ She glanced over her shoulder. ‘Is Abby here?’ Luke shook his head. ‘She’s just taken one of the new doctors through to the other side of the hospital.’ He looked down at the red-faced child and shook off his feelings of unease. He could do this. He was a professional. ‘So what do we have here?’ He gently lifted the handkerchief that was held tightly on Reuben’s hand and assessed the damage in an instant, lifting Reuben up into his arms and signalling for Lucy to follow. ‘We’ll go through to one of the suture rooms,’ he said quickly. ‘Can you give Dr Tyler a page please and tell her to come back to the ER?’ he asked one of the receptionists. The woman gave him a quick nod and picked up the nearest phone. Luke placed Reuben on the bed in the suture room, pulling one of the angled lights a little closer. He quickly set up a trolley and scrubbed his hands under the sink, before putting on some gloves and opening the sterile suture pack. Lucy kept her arm around Reuben, whispering in his ear and pointing out the characters painted on the walls. ‘So what happened, Lucy?’ She shook her head. ‘He wanted to try and find the rock pool you showed him yesterday but he slipped and he cut his hand on a broken bottle hidden in the sand. I can’t believe it happened. The beach is usually so clean.’ Luke bent down and looked Reuben in the eyes. ‘Okay, big boy. I’m going to spray some magic stuff on here to make this nice and numb. Then I’ll be able to clean it.’ The tears still rolled freely down Reuben’s face and he sniffed loudly. ‘I want my mommy.’ ‘I know, Reuben, but she will be here in a minute. Let me see if I can make this better.’ He gave the laceration a quick spray and waited a few minutes before touching it. The cut was deeper than he’d first thought and would definitely need sutures. ‘Can you give your fingers a wiggle for me, please, Reuben?’ ‘I want my mommy.’ ‘She’s just coming, I promise. Now, let me see you wiggling your fingers.’ Reuben stuck out his bottom lip, before wiggling his fingers. Luke checked carefully, ensuring there was no further damage. He gave Lucy a rueful smile. ‘There’s no permanent damage,’ he said, ‘but I’m going to have to suture this.’ ‘You’re going to have to what?’ Abby had appeared in the doorway, white-faced and breathless. She crossed the room in two strides, wrapping her arms around Reuben and brushing against Luke’s gloves in the process. He stepped back to give her a few minutes. ‘What happened, Lucy?’ ‘I’m really sorry, Abby, but he cut himself on the beach. Luke said that he needs some stitches.’ Luke was back over at the sink, throwing one set of gloves in the disposal bin and scrubbing his hands again. As he pulled on a fresh set of gloves, his eyes were drawn elsewhere. One of Reuben’s trousers legs had bunched up and revealed a dark purple bruise on the soft tissue at the back of his shin. Had that been there last night? He didn’t think so. Or had it happened yesterday when they’d been surfing? One thing he knew for sure—a child shouldn’t bruise that easily. He gave Abby a quick smile. ‘Are you okay with me doing this, or do you want to get someone else?’ He was more than capable of suturing the laceration but if Abby would prefer one of her other colleagues, that was fine. Abby shook her head. ‘Sorry about the gloves,’ she murmured. ‘I should know better.’ ‘No worries. You’ve got your mommy head on right now. Do you want me to do the sutures?’ ‘Yes, please. As long as you don’t mind his overanxious mother hanging over your shoulder.’ Luke smiled. ‘No problems. But I should warn you, I expect some singing while I’m doing this.’ He raised his eyebrows at Lucy, who quickly realised he wanted something to distract Reuben. ‘We can do that, can’t we, Abby?’ She started to sing a nursery rhyme. Abby quickly joined in as Luke bent his head and expertly inserted a row of sutures along the laceration then covered it with a white dressing. ‘All done. Well done, Reuben.’ He ruffled Reuben’s hair with his hand. ‘I think that deserves a special treat. How about I give Lucy some money to buy you a huge pancake at the canteen with chocolate syrup?’ Reuben’s eyes widened like saucers, his injury quickly forgotten. ‘Can I, Mommy? Please?’ Abby smiled. She didn’t often indulge his sweet tooth, but her heart had stopped when her page had gone off, saying Reuben was in the ER. She was so relieved it was nothing serious. ‘Of course you can, honey,’ she said. ‘I’ll need to fill out a little paperwork at the front desk. I’ll be there in a minute.’ Lucy picked up Reuben from the bed and headed towards the door with him. Luke caught Abby’s arm as she headed towards the door. ‘Abby…’ She noticed the expression on his face. ‘What’s wrong, Luke?’ ‘Maybe nothing. It’s just, I noticed a new bruise at the back of Reuben’s shin. Maybe it was there yesterday, but I don’t remember it.’ Her face paled. A whirlwind of possibilities started flooding her mind. The last thing that the mother of a child with ALL wanted to hear. New bruises. ‘But I watch him so carefully. I mean, I check all the time, I hadn’t noticed anything…’ Her voice drifted off. A chill spread across her skin. She hadn’t checked him carefully that morning. Not like she usually did. This morning her head had been filled with hot and steamy memories of the night before. Had she missed the bruise? Luke slipped an arm around her waist. ‘It might be nothing, Abby, I wasn’t trying to alarm you. It’s just…it caught my eye when I was stitching his hand, so I thought I better mention it.’ Her weight had sagged against him and he could see the distress on her face as her mind raced to its own conclusions. He walked over to the reception desk with her. ‘Look, you fill out the paperwork and I’ll meet you in the canteen with Reuben, okay?’ She gave a little nod, her mind obviously distracted, and he bent over and lightly kissed her cheek. Her fingers lifted to her cheek and her eyes flickered over to meet his. ‘What? Yes, okay. I’ll see you in minute.’ Luke left her at the desk and strode through to the canteen, where Reuben was busy asking Jan to make him the biggest pancake possible. He lifted Reuben from Lucy’s arms. ‘Will you go and see that Abby’s all right?’ he asked, and she nodded silently and headed back towards the door. ‘One extra-large pancake with chocolate sauce.’ Jan placed the plate on a tray next to a glass of milk. She glanced at Luke’s full arms. ‘Do you want me to carry this over to one of the tables?’ He gave a quick nod and walked behind her to a table looking out over the gardens. ‘I get the window seat!’ shouted Reuben, and wriggled out of Luke’s arms, plunking himself down in the seat next to the glass. ‘Yum, yum!’ He licked his lips in anticipation as the plate was pushed in front of him. ‘Can you help me cut it up, Dr Luke?’ he asked as he held out a knife. Luke smiled and started cutting the pancake into manageable chunks. His mind was whirring with the possibilities of ALL. Had he seen something minor and jumped to a dramatic conclusion? His instincts said no. ‘My mommy’s the best cutter,’ murmured Reuben as he watched Luke’s efforts. ‘She cuts in triangles, they’re much easier to get in my mouth.’ ‘Does she now?’ said Luke with amusement, as he tried to re-jig his efforts into triangular pieces. ‘How’s that?’ ‘Mmm, it’ll do.’ Reuben lifted his fork and speared a piece of pancake, the chocolate sauce inevitably dripping down the front of his T-shirt. Luke felt as if he was holding his breath. The more time he spent in this little boy’s company, the more familiar he felt. It wasn’t just the eyes and hair colour. It was his mannerisms. The things that he did without even realising it. The way he played with a little tuft of hair on his forehead, just as Ryan had. The way that his pinkie nail, and only his pinkie nail, on both hands was bitten down to the quick. The same way his own had always been as a child. ‘Whatya looking at, Dr Luke? Do ya want a piece of my pancake?’ Reuben was brandishing his fork, dripping with chocolate sauce towards Luke. ‘No, thanks, Reuben. You eat it all.’ Luke bit his bottom lip. Ryan had died of ALL and this little boy had ALL too. Four years old compared to Ryan’s fifteen. Life was so unfair sometimes. Children didn’t deserve a disease like this. Children didn’t deserve to suffer. Why did this little boy—Abby’s little boy—have to have ALL? Luke raised his eyes skyward. Was somebody up there trying to send him a message? There was nothing in the world that Luke wanted more than the chance to have his brother back. The same wild wish or dream shared by every family the world over who had ever lost a loved one. Maybe he could get a chance to do all the things with Reuben that he never could with Ryan? But as much as he cared about Abby, could he really do this? Losing Ryan had been the single most painful experience of his life. He’d seen firsthand the devastation the disease caused. He would be mad to put himself through that again. The swing door for the canteen opened and a still pale-faced Abby crossed the room with a weak smile on her face. She slid into the chair next to Reuben, giving him a kiss on top of his head. ‘Look, Mommy,’ he said, swirling a piece of pancake in the remaining chocolate sauce. ‘This is great.’ She slipped an arm around his shoulders. ‘I’m sure it is, honey.’ Her eyes met Luke’s, and she looked as if she were in pain. ‘I’m going to take the rest of the day off and go home with Reuben,’ she said quietly. ‘Do you want some company?’ She shook her head. ‘No. I need for us to have a little time together. Just the two of us.’ Luke nodded. It wasn’t the first time he’d heard her talk like this. Right from the start she’d said that Reuben was hers and hers alone. She didn’t seem to have made room in her life for anyone else. It was almost as if she didn’t want to share Reuben, and wanted to keep him all to herself. But she shouldn’t have to shoulder the burden alone. He could see the haunted look on her face. He could almost reach out and touch the physical pain she was feeling. It was evident in every little line on her forehead and around her strained eyes. Right now, for Abby’s sake, he had to try and make the effort. He had to offer her the support she so clearly needed—and that he’d never had. No one should have to do this on their own. And it didn’t matter how mixed up he felt. She’d looked distinctly uncomfortable that morning, when she’d found Reuben playing on top of Luke’s bed. Something churned deep down in his stomach. Luke stood up and straightened his coat, walking around to Reuben’s seat. ‘Yuck! Look at those chocolate hands. What do you say that I take you to clean up a little while your mom gets changed out of her scrubs?’ He gave Abby a little nod as he bent to pick up Reuben. ‘See you in five minutes, okay?’ He held Reuben’s hands under the faucet. He could manage this. The simple stuff. The hand-washing and toy-soldier-playing stuff. ‘Why is Mommy sad?’ The innocent question almost stopped Luke dead. Children were so perceptive. ‘Do you think Mommy is sad?’ Reuben nodded. ‘She has the sad face on today.’ Luke knelt on the floor to face him. ‘Sometimes adults are a little sad. It doesn’t mean that you’ve done anything to make her sad, though.’ ‘I know.’ He leaned forward and whispered in Luke’s ear, ‘When Mommy’s sad, I get to sleep in the big bed with her. My cuddles make her all better.’ Luke smiled. ‘Well, they sound like really special cuddles. I’m sure they do make Mommy feel better.’ He took a deep breath and swept up Reuben into his arms. What he wouldn’t give right now to cuddle Abby in the big bed. But if he wanted to find a way into Abby’s heart, he was going to have to let Reuben into his. CHAPTER NINE (#ulink_631ee436-c595-5d8a-bb12-3fcf9fbf6b8c) ABBY could feel the bile rise in the back of her throat. Her stomach was churning and she felt physically sick. Please don’t let there be anything wrong with my little boy. She sent her prayer upward as she finished signing a form at the desk. ‘Hi, Mommy!’ Her human cannonball sped across the department and wrapped his arms around her legs. She could feel the prickle of tears in her eyes. ‘I just got the best swing from Dr Luke.’ From Luke? Really? Luke walked in slowly behind Reuben, touching her arm as he approached her at the desk. ‘Are you going home?’ His voice was quiet, steady. He knew exactly where her priorities lay and he was letting her know that he understood. For once, it was a relief to have someone around who knew exactly how she felt. Who didn’t prod or pry. Or ask a million questions. He didn’t have to—because he’d been here. She gave a little nod and bent to pick up Reuben, trying hard not to let her gaze fixate on his legs. ‘Are you going to be okay?’ Luke’s concern almost made the hair on her arms stand on end. That reassurance. Having someone there to support you. She’d never had that before with Reuben. Last time around she’d dealt with everything herself. How easy it would be to have someone to lean on. She gave him a smile. ‘We’ll be fine.’ Her voice caught, she hesitated. ‘You’ll be home for dinner, won’t you?’ His breath caught in his throat. Home for dinner. It sounded like something else entirely. It sounded almost like a ready-made life. Something that right now he would kill for. For the first time ever he felt as if they were in the same place. He’d heard the hesitation as she’d said those words. She meant exactly the same thing he did. Home. He ruffled Reuben’s hair. ‘Of course I will. Do you want me to bring something in?’ Abby shook her head. ‘Oh, no. Reuben and I have that covered. We’re going to make something special.’ She bent her head, whispering in Reuben’s ear, ‘Aren’t we, honey?’ Reuben’s eyes gleamed conspiratorially. ‘Oh, yes.’ He nodded. ‘You’ll like it, Dr Luke.’ ‘I’m sure I will.’ He watched Abby leave the department and walk along the coastal path, Reuben still safely held in her arms. As if she didn’t want to let him go. A slow feeling of dread crept through him. And it had filled his heart in a way he’d never thought possible. A way he’d never dared to feel. This was about him. This was all about him. It was the first moment ever he’d actually taken some time to consider what his infertility meant to him. Not to Abby, or anyone else, but to him. He’d never admitted to anyone how much he wanted a family. He’d never admitted to himself that he might want a family. And until it was right under his nose, he’d never really known how much he wanted a family. And now he did. And it terrified him. Abby was right. Families came in all shapes and sizes. And all with a possibility of heartbreak. Reuben had ALL. And he had already lived through that experience. Reuben could die. If he opened his heart to this little boy, he might have to live through all this again. Could he really do that? Could he really put himself out there to endure that physical, psychological, crushing pain all over again? But what was more important? The chance to experience the love and joy of a family—no matter what pain came with it? Or the bury-your-head-in-your-career option? Where he pretended it was never what he’d wanted in the first place. But now there was something much more important at stake. This wasn’t just about him. He already felt a connection to Abby and Reuben that he could never have imagined. He couldn’t have seen more pain in Abby’s face if he’d ripped her heart out with a spoon. Biological child or not, she was Reuben’s mother. In every way that mattered. But where did that leave him? Abby resisted the temptation to run along the path at top speed, get Reuben home and strip his clothes off in a flash. He was very perceptive to her mood and she didn’t want to do anything to alarm him. Anything to let him think he was sick again. Reuben cuddled into her chest as the wind picked up. Was he tired? Was it another symptom that she’d missed? He was so light in her arms. Had he lost weight? As they approached the house his blond head picked up. ‘Let me down, Mommy, I want a shot on the slide.’ He wriggled free from her arms and ran off towards the slide, climbing the steps at a rate of knots and slipping down the slide. ‘Wheeeee…’ He wasn’t tired. He had as much energy as ever. She reached for his hand as he slid down for a second time. ‘Let’s go in and get changed, Reuben.’ He stared down at his jogging trousers and T-shirt. ‘What’s wrong with these?’ She pointed to a few chocolate stains and an earlier smattering of blood. ‘They’re all dirty. Lets get some nice clean clothes on.’ ‘I’ll choose, I’ll choose,’ he shouted as he mounted the steps at the front of the house. Abby turned the lock on the front door. ‘Race you upstairs,’ she said, as she dumped her bag in the corridor and watched him disappear ahead of her. By the time she reached Reuben’s room, he’d already pulled a rainbow’s worth of T-shirts from one of his drawers. ‘Red—no, yellow—no, green,’ he said at the array of clothing at his feet. Her heart was pounding in her chest. She knelt down before him. ‘Okay, pumpkin, lift your arms.’ Reuben automatically raised his hands above his head as she pulled the T-shirt up. She was holding her breath as her eyes swept over his torso. ‘Turn around, honey,’ she instructed, and he dutifully spun round. Nothing. There was nothing there. No bruises. No blotches. Nothing to worry her. She felt the air leave her lungs. ‘Let’s take these dirty trousers off too.’ She pulled at the elastic waistband on the joggers, sliding them downwards, and drew in her breath sharply. Three. There were three angry purple bruises that hadn’t been there that morning. Bruises that, if she’d seen them on any other child, she would have thought were a few days old. Reuben’s eyes followed hers. ‘Wow! Look, Mommy, where did they come from?’ He dropped to the floor, his spread-out legs filling him with wonder. He prodded at the purple bruises. ‘They don’t hurt.’ Abby caught his hand. ‘Don’t do that, honey.’ She pulled him over into her arms for a cuddle. Her hand automatically went to his head and stroked his hair in a soothing motion. ‘Mommy’s going to have to put some magic cream on your arms again.’ Reuben wrinkled his nose. ‘Not blood tests,’ he groaned. His childlike brain was filling in the gaps. He shook his head determinedly. ‘I don’t need any.’ ‘I’m sorry, honey. But Mommy has to take some blood to make sure you’re okay.’ ‘No.’ He stamped his foot on the floor. It broke her heart. Reuben had already spent too many of his young hours in hospitals. The last thing she wanted to do was make him go back. But her paediatric head was screaming at her. This could be the first sign he was out of remission. She tried to take a step back and look at him through professional eyes. He wasn’t breathless. He had a good appetite. He hadn’t complained of any bone or joint pains. She ran her hands over his body, looking for lumps in the neck, underarms or groin. Nothing. But he was pale. But Reuben was always pale. Was he paler than normal? ‘Let’s get some clean clothes on.’ She picked up one of the T-shirts from the floor. ‘Now, which colour? Red or blue?’ ‘Blue,’ he shouted, and she pulled it quickly over his head. Her hands hesitated over the drawer, nearly pulling out a pair of shorts, before stopping and finding another pair of joggers instead. She couldn’t bear the thought of staring at those purple bruises all evening and what they might mean. ‘Mommy needs to make a phone call, honey. Let’s go down to the kitchen and get a snack. Do you want to watch some cartoons?’ Anything to keep him occupied while she phoned the paediatric oncologist. She already knew what he’d say. He’d want blood tests and a bone-marrow aspiration. A procedure that Reuben hated. Blood tests she could do. The bone-marrow aspiration would have to be done elsewhere. She’d have to arrange a few days off. Abby continued on autopilot for the rest of the day. It was almost a relief when Luke walked through the door at six o’clock, because it gave her an excuse to focus on something else. ‘Hi, Luke, dinner is just about ready. Go and wash up.’ Luke took in the forced happiness and smile that seemed to be pasted on her face. All he could see was the stress she was putting herself under. He hung his jacket on the coat stand behind the door and crossed over to the kitchen window next to her. With no attempt to hide his intentions, his arms caught her in a hug as he dropped a kiss on her head. ‘How are you?’ He caught the shiver that ran down her spine. Her voice was tight. ‘Just what you’d expect. I’ve drawn the bloods and spoken to the oncologist. I’ll take him to San Francisco on Thursday for his bone marrow.’ Thursday, two days away. Probably the quickest they could arrange it. ‘Have you told him?’ ‘No.’ Her voice cracked. ‘But he’s not stupid. He’s been through all this before. Sometimes he seems so much older than four.’ Her voice drifted off as she gazed out the window. ‘But, then again, he’s been through much more than the average four-year-old.’ Luke moved away from the worktop, sitting down on the comfortable easy chair that faced onto the garden and pulling her onto his lap. ‘And how are you, Abby?’ he asked again. ‘I’ll be fine.’ Her face was still fixed towards the garden. It was apparent to him that she couldn’t look at him. ‘You don’t need to go through this on your own. I’m right here.’ His voice was deep, rich and reassuring. ‘But you’re not here, Luke.’ Her head whipped around towards him, two pink spots appearing on her cheeks. ‘This is just a coincidence. In another two days you’ll be flying off to your jet-set lifestyle in DC. And I’ll be taking my little boy for a test that he absolutely hates.’ She was angry. She was angry that he was trying to comfort her, trying to help. He wasn’t helping. He was confusing things for her. She needed to focus on Reuben. She needed to focus on her son. Luke took a deep breath. The Abby Tyler he’d known had always coped with everything. Nothing had fazed her. But the Abby Tyler he’d known hadn’t had a child with ALL. A child who could come out of remission at any point. He took her hand in his. ‘I’m here now, Abby. Why don’t we just focus on that? Stop imagining what could happen, because the doctor in you will always consider the worst-case scenario. These last two days have been the most…’ his eyes lifted upwards as he searched for the word ‘…interesting I’ve had in the last five years.’ His other hand lifted to her face, pushing a wayward blonde lock back behind her ear so he could see the whole of her face. The whole of her. ‘Our timing really sucks. But maybe you’re not the only one who needed to re-evaluate their life. Maybe seeing you here, like this, has been just the kick up the butt that I needed.’ He glanced into the living room, where Reuben was sitting on the bright rug in front of the television, watching cartoons to his heart’s content. ‘He is the luckiest little boy in the world, and that’s because he’s got you.’ ‘But what happens if I’m not enough? What happens if I can’t be strong enough for him?’ Her voice was trembling and one large tear trickled down her cheek and dripped from her chin. ‘You will be, Abby, and you are. You always will be.’ He stood up and walked towards the old range cooker. He could have said something completely different there. But he had to be sure about how he felt. He had to know if he could do this all over again. Maybe in a few days… ‘What this?’ He bent over the large crock-pot, lifting the lid and pulling back at the escaping steam. Abby rubbed her eyes, conscious of the obvious subject change. ‘It’s our “something special”. Reuben adds everything he likes from the fridge and the pantry.’ She leaned over and gave it a stir with a wooden spoon before shrugging her shoulders. ‘Usually it’s not too bad—some chicken, potatoes, carrot, turnip and some kind of stock. But today Reuben decided his magic ingredient was a can of baked beans.’ She gave a little shiver. ‘Needless to say, you’ll be getting the biggest portion.’ Luke leaned back against the worktop, a grimace on his face. ‘I’m sure it’ll be delicious.’ He wrinkled his nose. ‘What else can I smell?’ He bent downwards and peered through the oven door. ‘What’s that?’ ‘Marshmallow and chocolate loaf.’ He raised his eyebrow at her. ‘That sounds healthy.’ She snapped her tea towel at him. ‘Shut up. It’s comfort food for me. I need it.’ Luke gave a little nod and folded his arms across his chest. ‘I know someone else who could use a little comfort food.’ ‘Who?’ ‘Jennifer Taylor. She’s climbing the walls in there.’ He nodded his head up towards the hospital. ‘She asked if you would drop in and see her later.’ His voice dropped slightly, ‘Obviously I never told her anything about Reuben.’ Abby’s head turned towards the living room where Reuben was sitting. ‘But I can’t. I need to—’ He placed his hand on her shoulder. ‘You need to take a break and go eat your comfort food with someone else. I’ll watch Reuben. Why don’t you go along after dinner and take your mind off things?’ She shot him a look of exasperation. ‘I know, I know, but a change of scene might do you some good.’ A loud, belly laugh came from next door. Something in the cartoon had caught Reuben’s imagination and filled the house with little-boy laughter. The sound twisted in her gut, bringing yet another tear to her eye. How much longer would she be able to hear it? Maybe Luke was right. Maybe she did need a break—even if it was only for half an hour. She sighed. ‘Are you sure you don’t mind?’ She looked towards the front door. ‘A walk along the path might clear my head a little. And it might be nice to offer Jennifer some support. I don’t suppose James Turner is a bundle of laughs.’ It only took her five minutes to wander back along the coastal path to the hospital. She could probably have been quicker if she hadn’t stopped to pick some flowers from her garden for Jennifer. The hospital seemed pretty quiet, with only the black sporadically placed mumbling men giving any hint that anything out the ordinary was happening. The man at the door gave her a little nod and moved to the side as she entered. Jennifer was lying on her side, watching television, still attached to the drip and looking bored to tears. ‘Abby!’ she said, sitting up in bed and reaching for the remote control. ‘Hi, Jennifer. Luke said you were a little bored, so I thought I’d come and see you.’ Abby sat down on the bed beside her and glanced at the pile of books and DVDs on the bedside table. ‘How many of these have you read?’ Jennifer gave a guilty smile, as if she were a teenager caught out misbehaving. ‘I’ve watched all the DVDs but don’t take them away—I’ll watch them again. And I’ve only got one book left to read. I’m a sucker for romance novels.’ Abby ran her eyes up the pile of books then looked at her in amazement. ‘You’ve read all those books already?’ Jennifer shrugged. ‘Reading is my passion. I just never normally get the time to do it.’ She shuffled some of the books out of the way to make room for Abby’s package. ‘What’s this?’ She inhaled deeply, catching the whiff of melted chocolate and marshmallows. ‘It smells gorgeous.’ She unwrapped the tea towel surrounding it, letting the aroma fill the room. ‘Whoa!’ Abby gave her a little smile. ‘Comfort food. Thought you might want to eat it with me.’ She lifted the bunch of flowers in her hand. ‘I brought you some flowers too, but I see that everyone else had the same idea.’ Every available space in the room was filled with exuberant displays of multicoloured flowers. Jennifer waved her hand at them. ‘They look gorgeous, but most of them have no perfume.’ She took the bunch from Abby’s hand. ‘Now, these…’ she inhaled ‘…smell wonderful.’ She lay back against her pillows, a tiny little crease forming across her forehead. ‘So what do you need comfort food for, Abby Tyler?’ Abby bit her bottom lip and rolled her eyes. She couldn’t possibly tell her the real reason. She couldn’t even get her head around the thought that Reuben might be unwell again, so the last thing she wanted to do was speculate. Not when there was another, easier answer she could give Jennifer. She gave her a little smile. ‘It’s not easy, living under the same roof as your ex again.’ A gleam appeared in Jennifer’s eyes. ‘Oh, do tell. This place has been mind-numbingly boring today.’ Abby unpacked a blunt knife and started cutting the marshmallow and chocolate loaf. She pointed to Jennifer’s belly. ‘You tell first. Any sign of Junior making an appearance yet?’ Jennifer swung her legs off the bed and switched on a latte machine in the corner of the room. She laughed at Abby’s raised eyebrows. ‘It’s the only perk I’ve got, okay?’ She gave her hip a little rub. ‘Nothing’s happening at all. Nothing. Nada. They gave me some steroids today to help mature Junior’s lungs.’ She pointed a finger at Abby. ‘And you’re in big trouble, Dr Tyler, for not telling me how much that would sting!’ Abby laughed. ‘Oops, sorry, I might have forgotten to mention that.’ Jennifer shook her head in disgust. ‘Sure you did. They gave me some more antibiotics as well.’ She wrinkled her nose. ‘And there’s only been the tiniest trickle today, so I guess that must be good.’ She pressed a few buttons on the machine as Abby put the loaf onto some plates. A few seconds later Jennifer handed a steaming mug to her. ‘Don’t get too excited. It’s a caffeine-free latte.’ A smile crept across her face as she eyed the gooey melted marshmallows and chocolate. ‘Now, this is what I call comfort food.’ She took a big bite. ‘Yum.’ Abby nodded as she took a sip of the coffee. ‘I agree. So what can I do to liven this place up for you?’ She nodded at all the flowers. ‘Does anyone know that you’re here? I haven’t seen any reporters or television crews about.’ ‘No, no. They’re just from my husband and his few “closest” aides. Hopefully we’ll get this baby safely out before the newshounds get wind of it.’ She settled back against her pillows again. ‘What’s the story with Lincoln Adams? He’s a friend of yours, isn’t he?’ ‘Yes, he is.’ The oozing, warm marshmallow melted in her mouth. Yup. Luke had been right, this was definitely making her feel better. ‘How come a man as handsome as that looks so incredibly sad? Have I dragged him away from his wife and children? Is he unhappy about looking after me?’ Her brow was furrowed. Abby shrugged her shoulders. ‘To be honest, Linc hasn’t said much since he’s been here. But his mood…it’s been like that for a while. I’m not sure what’s going on with him.’ And she hadn’t asked him either. What with the First Lady being in her hospital, her ex appearing and now Reuben’s bruising, she hadn’t even thought to ask Linc what was wrong. Some friend she was. Maybe it was time she sat him down for a chat? She made a mental note to do that and changed the subject rapidly, ‘What do you think of David Fairgreaves?’ Jennifer broke into a big smile. ‘Oh, I love him! He’s just like a grumpy old man. You should hear the way he talks to James Turner. I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone be so indifferent towards him. Sometimes he just completely ignores him.’ She took another bite from her loaf. ‘You know what? I’m going to pack him up in a big box and take him back to Washington with me.’ ‘It’s going to have to be a pretty big box.’ ‘How come?’ ‘He doesn’t go anywhere without that fishing boat.’ The door was pushed open and James Turner stuck his head inside, to be met by instant laughter from the two women. ‘Just checking on you, Mrs Taylor.’ He caught sight of the sticky mess on the plates and rolled his eyes at Abby. ‘But I see that Dr Bad Influence has already got things under control.’ ‘She certainly has, Mr Turner.’ Jennifer licked her fingers. ‘Best medicine I’ve had since I got here, Abby.’ She glanced over to the windows, her gaze settling on the ocean view. ‘You know, Pelican Cove’s not too shabby. I get so swept up in living in a big city that I forget about the small-town stuff. I think this has done me the world of good.’ ‘How so?’ She dropped her hands down on the bed. ‘Well, it’s certainly been restful.’ She rolled her eyes at Abby. ‘I probably wasn’t resting the way I should have been.’ Her hands lay on top of her stomach. ‘Now, seriously, I need to ask you something.’ Abby lifted her head. ‘What is it?’ Jennifer’s brow wrinkled. ‘Well, actually, David Fairgreaves told me to speak to you. I asked him about umbilical stem cells. He told me a little but he said to ask you. How come? I thought he was the world-renowned expert on it all.’ Abby gave a slow smile. ‘He is. But it’s his “baby”. He knows so much about it all he tends to get all technical when he talks about it. He wouldn’t want to get carried away and blind you with science. Plus, he’d be worried that you wouldn’t consider him to be impartial. And because he’s so enthusiastic about the subject, it’s easy to see why. Were you thinking about collecting the cells?’ ‘To be honest, I wasn’t sure. But if there was a possibility it could be useful in the future…’ Abby sat on the side of her bed. ‘You do realise it isn’t always successful? Sometimes they can’t extract enough cells from the cord.’ ‘What do you think? And why did he tell me to talk to you?’ Abby looked at her sadly. ‘As a physician I think it is a good idea. It’s not going to do you or your baby any harm, in some areas the cord would be thrown away, but the possibilities for the future could be great.’ Her head turned towards the window. ‘I told you things were complicated.’ She ran her fingers through her hair. ‘My son has leukaemia. One of the types of cancer that can be treated with stem cells. So I guess I’m not entirely impartial either, I’m a bit biased about the possibilities.’ Jennifer’s hand flew to her mouth. ‘Reuben has leukaemia? Oh, Abby, I’m so sorry.’ The tears formed in her eyes again. Abby took a deep breath. ‘We don’t really know all the possibilities for stem cells as yet. They can treat some kinds of cancer, some autoimmune disorders, there’s research into Alzheimer’s, diabetes, Parkinson’s disease. But it seems that we learn something new every day. There are still risks, certain genetic conditions can be contained in the stem cells. But, on the other hand, it might be the best insurance policy your child could have.’ She gave Jennifer’s hand a squeeze. ‘You need to consider all the possibilities. And you need to decide if this is the right decision for you. I’ll print out some information that you can read in your own time. If you decide to go for it, the hospital would usually receive a collection kit from whichever company you’ve decided to use. If the collection is successful, they normally have a courier collect it and take it to their storage facility.’ Jennifer nodded thoughtfully. ‘I’ll talk to Charlie about it later. Thank you for tonight, Abby. It’s great to have some company. And I’m sorry about Reuben. Is he going to be okay?’ Abby bit her bottom lip. ‘I’m not sure. He needs to have some tests done again. But I’m hopeful.’ ‘Then so am I.’ She leaned back against the pillows. ‘I think you’re really lucky, staying here.’ Abby raised her eyebrow. ‘In comparison to the city? I took you for a city girl, Jennifer Taylor— not a country bumpkin like me.’ ‘But it’s different here. What I like most about this place is the people, the sense of community. You lose all that in the big cities. Here…’ she gestured outwards ‘…everyone knows everyone. The guy that is the janitor, Davie, his wife works in the kitchen and his daughter works at the local school. The nurse who looked after me this morning has three generations of her family all living in Pelican Cove. The girl who does the cleaning, her little brother goes to the local Special ed school. I like that.’ She turned and faced Abby. ‘This must be a great place to bring up a little boy.’ Reuben. Tears pricked her eyes again. She was a mess. Was she going to burst into tears every time she thought about him? She had to get a hold of herself. She gave Jennifer a little smile. ‘It is a great place to bring up a child. Particularly if, like me, you don’t have any family. That’s why I moved here. I holidayed here as a child and there is a real sense of community spirit here. The people here embrace you, and draw you into their community. That’s what I want for my little boy. A real sense of family.’ ‘And can’t you get that with someone else?’ The words were heavily weighted. Abby took a deep breath. ‘Not everyone wants a family, not everyone’s that good with kids,’ she said quietly. Jennifer reached over and took her hand. ‘I don’t know if Charlie or I are going to be that good with kids, Abby. But in a few days’ time we’ll find out. And hopefully we’ll learn as we go. Things aren’t always what they seem. Luke was in here earlier, talking about you and Reuben. His face comes alive when he talks about you both. Don’t tell me that doesn’t mean something.’ She shook her head. ‘Luke doesn’t want a family.’ ‘No. Five years ago, he didn’t want a family. Have you asked him what he wants now?’ ‘I don’t know how appropriate it is to have that conversation. It’s been five years. I’m living a completely different life now. One that I don’t know if Luke would like.’ ‘No. That’s not it.’ Jennifer folded her arms across her chest. ‘What do you mean?’ ‘This isn’t about what Luke wants. This is about what you want.’ ‘I don’t understand. What do you mean?’ ‘Abby, I’m a lawyer. I’ve spent fifteen years reading between the lines, hearing the things that people haven’t actually said. You still find him attractive, don’t you?’ Abby could feel the colour flooding her cheeks. ‘Obviously.’ ‘Then this has to be about Reuben. Is there a problem with his father?’ Abby shifted uncomfortably in her seat. ‘There is no father. Reuben’s adopted. It’s complicated.’ ‘Abby, life is complicated. Ah. I get it.’ Jennifer leaned back, nodding her head thoughtfully. ‘Get what?’ Abby was bewildered. She had no idea what was going on in this conversation. She just knew that little bells and whistles were currently going off in her brain. ‘You don’t want to share.’ ‘What?’ Abby was stunned. ‘Reuben. You don’t want to share Reuben.’ ‘But—’ ‘But nothing. Reuben is all yours. You’ve built a comfortable life here for you both. And you’re worried about how Luke could upset all that. You’re also worried about being replaced in Reuben’s affections. It’s obvious they’re naturally drawn to one another. You don’t want to share.’ ‘That’s a ridiculous thing to say.’ Abby stood up, lifting the plates and walking over to the sink. ‘If it’s a ridiculous thing to say, why do you feel so uncomfortable?’ Abby sloshed warm water on the plates, scrubbing them furiously. She didn’t have an answer. Jennifer rested her arms on her distended stomach. ‘That’s the great thing about kids, Abby—or so I hear. They give lots of unconditional love. And once you’ve experienced it, I imagine it’s a pretty hard thing to share.’ Abby finished washing the plates and grabbed some paper towels to dry them. She sat them at the side of the sink and turned around to face Jennifer, folding her arms across her chest in self-preservation mode. Her voice was low and steady. ‘People must run a mile when they see you enter a courtroom.’ Jennifer nodded. ‘Yup. They usually do.’ ‘Next time I need a lawyer, you’d better be available.’ ‘I’m always available for friends.’ There was silence for a few seconds. Abby contemplating the words that Jennifer had just said to her. Little pieces were making sense. The way she’d felt when she’d seen them spending time at the beach together yesterday—something that he’d always done with her. Could she share? Abby wandered back along the coastal path, admiring the beauty of her surroundings. The sun was setting over the horizon, sending orange and red streams of colour across the ocean. The smell of the sea air and the brightly coloured flowers littering the coastal path made her realise that it wasn’t just the community here that made her happy. It was the whole place, the whole environment, the best possible place for she and Reuben to be. But was this somewhere Luke would want to be? It was an uncomfortable thought because she knew what the answer to that question was. Pelican Cove wasn’t a place for someone who was building their career and wanted to be at the top of their field. Pelican Cove wasn’t the place new research was carried out and new discoveries were made. Pelican Cove was a place where life ticked along happily, and there was time for people and families. Abby couldn’t live in a city again. Her priorities had changed. This was the life she wanted. And there wasn’t a place for Luke here. She stopped at her white picket fence and looked in towards her house. She could see through her front bay window right inside her living room. Luke was sitting on the floor with Reuben in front of the dimly flickering fire. Reuben was animated, running circles around Luke and talking nineteen to the dozen, and for the first time Luke didn’t look distinctly uncomfortable. He was obviously trying to make an effort—but how did that make him feel? How did that make her feel? Reuben had never really had a father figure in his life. Sure, he’d played with some of Abby’s male colleagues, but most of the time it was just her and him. She hadn’t really given much thought to what he might be missing out on. Something twisted inside her. Was this her fault? She’d always imagined that she was giving her son everything that he needed. But what if he needed more than her? The window banged. Reuben and Luke had spotted her at the garden gate and were gesturing for her to come inside and join the battle. She gave a little wave and started up the path. Reuben met her at the door. ‘I’m winning, Mommy,’ he shouted as he sent a sponge ball flying across the living room. ‘I can see that.’ Luke crossed the room and slipped an arm around her waist. ‘Is everything okay? How did you get on with Jennifer?’ ‘We got on fine. Has Reuben been good?’ She watched as he sent a toy truck careering into a legion of soldiers, catapulting them around the room. ‘Yes, Reuben’s been fine. Can I do anything for you?’ Abby leaned her head against his shoulder. Comfort was nice. Relying on someone was nice. Having some you trusted look after your child, someone that wasn’t just a childcare worker, was reassuring. Someone that felt like family. She slipped one arm around his back and put the other on his chest. The heat radiated through her, filling her with warmth and compassion that was more than just a comfort. She lifted her head and gave him a smile. ‘Yes, you can.’ Her fingers played with the button on his shirt. ‘I want you to hold me, just like this, all night.’ Luke nodded. She needed him. For the first time in her life Abby really needed him. He kissed her on the forehead. ‘Your wish is my command,’ he whispered as they watched Reuben play. CHAPTER TEN (#ulink_8143eebc-7b22-5d6f-9fa9-d67c49f38593) ABBY’S eyes flickered over to the white board. There were currently fourteen patients in the ER, six of whom were children. It was busier than normal, with patients appearing to crawl out of the woodwork on the dull, overcast day. Her eyes caught the tail of Luke’s white coat as he swept into the trauma room to deal with the third chest pain of the day. What were they going to do in a few days’ time when he went back to Washington? They hadn’t managed to arrange a replacement yet for Valerie Carter, their cardiologist, who’d just delivered a bouncing baby boy. There was a little nudge at her elbow. David Fairgreaves, for once dressed immaculately in theatre scrubs, gave her a little smile. ‘It’s day four and Jennifer Taylor’s just started to labour. I’ll let you know when we’ve got a baby.’ He gave her a little wink and disappeared around the corner. A shiver ran down Abby’s spine. Pelican Cove would well and truly be on the map once the First Son or Daughter arrived. Did this mean the President would be coming? James Turner would spontaneously combust! For the next few hours she worked steadily, seeing one child after another. Asthma attacks, nettle stings, tiny things stuck in places they should never be made the time fly past. By lunchtime she was ready for a break, but there was still one child to be seen. She lifted the chart and trudged behind the curtains. A familiar face sat in front of her. Jon King was a teenage skateboarder and spent his spare time in her emergency room, getting the latest part of his body stitched back up again. She gave a sigh. ‘What is it this time, Jon?’ He lifted his elbow, which had a large blood-soaked dressing pad on it. She gave a nod of her head. ‘Right, let’s get this cleaned up and see what we can do.’ Ten minutes later, Lincoln Adams stuck his head around the curtains. ‘Abby, can I steal you for a while?’ A wicked smile spread across his lips. ‘It’s a special request.’ Abby looked up as she finished snipping her last stitch. ‘There you are, good as new, Jon.’ The teenager gave her a nod as he examined his latest row of sutures in his elbow. ‘Nancy will put a dressing over that.’ She snapped off her gloves and rinsed her hands at the sink before joining Linc outside the curtain. ‘What’s up?’ He wrinkled his nose. ‘Things are progressing quicker than expected and I’d like another pair of hands in the room.’ He paused for a second. ‘And right now I strongly suspect Jennifer Taylor could do with the moral support.’ ‘Doesn’t she have anyone with her?’ He shook his head. ‘Her husband isn’t here yet and she’s thrown all her aides out of the room. It’s medical personnel only.’ Abby gave a nod. ‘If you need me, I’m yours.’ ‘Fabulous. Come on.’ He led her down the corridor and they pushed past the six men in black positioned outside the door. ‘I think we’re going to need Luke,’ mumbled Abby. ‘James Turner looks as if he could have a heart attack.’ Linc shot her a smile and nodded in the direction of the corner of the room where Dr Blair, the original obstetrician, sat positioned in a chair. ‘We might need Luke anyway. It seems that the family obstetrician doesn’t want to miss the main event—cardiac condition or not.’ ‘Abby, you’re here. Thank you.’ Jennifer’s voice sounded strained. Her face was pale and sweating, with strands of hair sticking to her forehead. Abby walked over and picked up the nearby hairbrush from the locker and automatically started combing Jennifer’s hair from her eyes, re-doing her hair and pulling it into a ponytail, just like she would have wanted someone to do for her. ‘Can I give you a shoulder rub?’ she asked as she positioned herself on the bed to support Jennifer. Jennifer sighed and leaned back against her. ‘That would be great, Abby.’ Abby lifted her hands and started kneading away the tight knots in Jennifer’s shoulders. ‘How are we doing, David?’ David gave her a relaxed smile. He looked like the cat who had got the cream. Not like a man who was about to deliver the premature First Baby. ‘We’re doing great.’ He gave Jennifer’s hand a squeeze. ‘Mom is doing great. Almost fully dilated and this baby will be crowning any time soon. The main man had better get a move on. This baby waits for nobody—President or not.’ Jennifer gave a little gasp as another contraction hit her. ‘But I don’t want to do this without Charlie. I need him here with me.’ Lincoln Adams took a look at her face. The last thing he needed right now was a stressed mom. ‘I’ll get an update,’ he said as he stuck his head outside the door. There were muffled voices. ‘Five minutes. James Turner is apparently out on the helicopter pad, waiting for him.’ Jennifer sagged back against Abby as the contraction eased. ‘Thank the Lord,’ she breathed, and turned her weary head towards Linc. ‘Is this where I tell you I really, really want to push?’ He glanced towards David, who gave a nod of his head. ‘We’re ready when you are, Jennifer. On the next contraction feel free to push as hard as you like. I’ll tell you when to stop.’ Jennifer glanced towards the window as the noise of a helicopter approaching grew louder. Seconds later the sounds of thudding feet came down the hall. Abby held her breath as the door swung open and the President swept into the room. James Turner and the rest of the security detail came to a halt at the door as it swung shut. Jennifer gritted her teeth as another contraction racked her body. ‘What time do you call this, Charlie Taylor?’ Abby bit her lip as the man she’d only ever seen on television before dodged around the multitude of bodies in the room. He only had eyes for his wife. Abby slid out from behind the First Lady to give him room and went to take her place by Lincoln at the neonate cot. She watched as Charlie Taylor, the President of the United States, kissed his wife on the forehead and then gently on each tensed eyelid. ‘I love you, baby,’ he whispered. ‘And there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.’ He slid into place behind her, supporting her shoulders and sliding his arms around her stomach, feeling the contraction grip her. His eyes lifted, acknowledging the others in the room but resting on David. ‘Everything okay?’ David smiled, as if he spoke to the President every day. ‘Let’s get this baby out.’ For Abby it was surreal. She stood in a room, surrounded by others but feeling as if she was the only person there. The slippery bundle was delivered within minutes, David lifting the baby out and laying her on top of her mom’s stomach. Lincoln sprang into action, checking the baby while the cord was cut and clamped and Mom and Dad had a cuddle. A minute later he carried the First Daughter over to the neonate cot for a full examination. Abby breathed a sigh of relief as he did the routine newborn checks. She could see for herself that the little girl was breathing and her colour was good. A few seconds later she let out a hearty cry. Lincoln finished his checks, wrapped her in a blanket and took her back over to her parents. ‘Here we go,’ he said, handing her over. ‘A beautiful baby girl. 4 pounds 10 ounces—not bad for 32 weeks. She’s breathing well and her colour is good, but we will need to monitor her for the next few days. We will need to keep a careful eye on her feeding too, but for now she’s all yours.’ Jennifer breathed a huge sigh of relief as she and her husband bent over their baby daughter. ‘Hi, gorgeous.’ Charlie Taylor stroked his daughter’s face. ‘Just like your mommy.’ He bent over and gave Jennifer a kiss. David smiled. ‘Do we have a name for the First Daughter, Mom and Dad?’ Jennifer looked up at her husband with tear-filled eyes. ‘Well, do we, Charlie?’ The President gave a little smile. ‘Jennifer got to pick the boy’s name and I got to pick the girl’s name. So our daughter will be called Esther Rose Taylor. After Jennifer’s grandmother.’ He gathered his wife and daughter in a warm embrace as the rest of the staff smiled and nodded at the gesture. Esther, a biblical name. Just like Reuben’s. But Abby hadn’t got to choose Reuben’s name. It had been the one he’d come with and she would have never dreamed of changing it. Abby felt her knees start to tremble and her arms start to shake. A beautiful, perfect baby. A little early maybe, but with the best care in the world. This little girl would have a better than average chance at life. But what about her own precious bundle? What would Reuben’s chances be? Her head started to swim. ‘Do you still need me, Linc?’ He looked up from where he was making a few notes and shook his head. ‘No, everything’s fine here. I’ll give you a call if I need a hand.’ He took in her pale expression. ‘Are you okay, Abby?’ She nodded wordlessly and pushed her way out of the room, her legs on autopilot as she strode down the corridor. Her hand reached into her pocket and she pulled out the hospital letter with Reuben’s appointment on it. She needed air. She needed clean, fresh air that you could only get from being outside. All of a sudden she couldn’t be in there. But why now? Why, when it was probably the most important birth of the year? She hadn’t felt this way when she’d seen Valerie Carter’s new baby boy yesterday. But then again, she hadn’t witnessed the birth. She hadn’t seen the commitment and love of two devoted parents getting their first chance to hold their child—the child that would quickly become the centre of their whole universe. And it made her want to cry. Because her little boy didn’t have that. He didn’t have two devoted parents and the best expert care in the world. He had one scared-out-of-her-wits mom. ‘Abby…’ She heard the voice shout her name, but ignored it, throwing open the outside door and walking out into the streaming sunshine. She tried to take some deep breaths, to fill her lungs and calm her heartbeat. Seconds later a pair of arms swept around her, then a hand brushed her blonde hair from her eyes. ‘Are you okay, Abby? Did something happen to the baby?’ Luke’s voice was filled with concern, his arms supporting most of her weight while her legs were buckling under her. He pulled her over to the nearby bench outside the front doors of the hospital. She sat for a few seconds, her eyes fixed on the horizon, her trembling hands in her lap. The hospital appointment card was screwed into a ball in her hands. ‘The baby’s fine, Luke. It’s a girl. And she’s perfect.’ The words broke her. Broke her last few seconds of stern resolve and she dissolved into tears. And Luke just knew. Knew exactly what was wrong. The irony of the perfect baby wasn’t lost on him. Not while Abby feared for her son’s life. He gathered her into his arms and stroked her hair. ‘One more day, Abby. Just get through today and we’ll find out tomorrow.’ He could feel the tension in her shoulders, the strain in her face. ‘I can’t do this,’ she whispered. ‘I can’t lose my baby.’ ‘Stop thinking the worst. This might only be a minor setback. The bruises—they might just be that, bruises. It might not mean anything.’ The words made her angry, as if he wasn’t taking this seriously. She sat up. ‘You don’t know that. I don’t know that. Tell me something. Did you manage to get a good night’s sleep last night? Because I didn’t—I couldn’t sleep a wink.’ Her frustration was coming to a head now. ‘And don’t say “we”. Don’t say that as if you’re going to be here—you’re not. I can’t rely on you, Luke. I can’t let myself rely on you. This isn’t your life. It’s mine.’ She stood up now and started pacing around. ‘You don’t even like Reuben that much. Do you think I don’t know how awkward you feel around him? How much of a struggle it is for you to spend time with him?’ The whole world seemed to be exploding around her right now. Luke’s reappearance, Reuben’s threat of illness. And it was all her fault. She’d allowed him to slip back into her life. Because the truth was, she’d never stopped loving him. That’s why she’d never found room in her heart for anyone else. And from the second he’d walked through the doors of the ER everything had just fallen into place. And right now it all just seemed so wrong. Luke hadn’t moved. He sat on the bench and watched her pacing. She was venting her frustration and he knew that. Hell—he’d been there and worn the T-shirt. But she was right. And it was embarrassing. He bit his lip. A voice echoed in his head— Ryan. Speak now or for ever hold your peace. They’d always joked that they would like to have walked into a wedding at that point and said something—anything—to the shocked congregation. How could he explain this? ‘Abby, it’s not that I don’t like Reuben. I do like him. I do.’ ‘Then what is it?’ Her voice was clipped. He swept his arms outwards. ‘It’s everything. It’s all of this. He’s just…so familiar to me. I feel as if I’m getting the chance to relive part of my life with Ryan all over again. And I know that’s wrong. He’s not Ryan—he’s Reuben—and I’m trying really hard not to get the two mixed up.’ He ran his fingers through his hair. His eyes met hers and he held his hand out towards her. ‘And then there’s you.’ She kept her arms firmly by her sides. ‘What does that mean?’ He stepped closer, putting his hands on either side of her waist. ‘This.’ He bent his head and kissed her gently on the nose. ‘I can’t separate out how I feel about you from all this.’ She shook her head. ‘I don’t understand…’ ‘You’re a package deal now, Abby, and I know that. I can’t have one without the other.’ Her hands started to shake again. ‘You’re absolutely right, Luke, you can’t. So what do you mean—you can’t have one without the other?’ She stepped back to distance herself from him. ‘You would prefer it if Reuben wasn’t here, wouldn’t you?’ He hesitated, for just a fraction too long as he tried to find the right words. The tears streamed down her cheeks. ‘I’m trying to face up to the fact my little boy might be having a relapse of his illness—one that could steal him away from me—and you wish he wasn’t here? What kind of a person are you?’ ‘Abby, no…’ He reached out to touch her, but she jumped backwards. ‘Don’t touch me! Don’t touch me again, ever! You’re right, I am a package deal. It’s not enough that you have feelings for me. I need you to love Reuben too. I need to know that if something happened to me tomorrow, you would be willing to step in and be there for him—not wish him away!’ ‘You’re putting words into my mouth that I never said.’ ‘You didn’t have to say them, I can see them in your eyes!’ He shook his head. ‘You’re wrong, Abby. That’s not what you see. You’re not the only one that’s scared here.’ ‘Scared of what?’ ‘Scared of losing something that’s infinitely precious to me. I’ve been there—and barely survived. I don’t know if I can do that again. What happens if I love Reuben and I lose him too? What happens if I watch you fall apart before my eyes? Do you think there’s anything about this that’s easy?’ He was suddenly conscious of the fact he was shouting. The more upset he’d become, the louder his voice. He looked out towards the sea. ‘This isn’t about the fact I’m awkward around kids. I am, and I know I am. When I knew I couldn’t have children I distanced myself from them. I didn’t really want to know what I was missing out on. Because that just makes it tougher to take. I’m not entirely sure what a four-year-old wants in this world. I’m trying to relate to Reuben, really I am. But I can only base what I know on my own memories— memories of me and my brother.’ His mouth curled upwards. ‘But Reuben’s different. The likeness to Ryan aside, he’s not your average kid and I’ve spent the last few days seeing that.’ He took her hands in his and pulled her back over towards the bench. ‘I want to be here for you, Abby. I want to be your friend.’ She took a sharp intake of breath. A friend. What did that mean exactly? This was all too much. She didn’t have the time or energy to waste on this right now. She needed to focus. She needed to prioritise. She pulled her hands backwards into her lap, as if she was trying to put some distance between them. ‘You’ve confused things for me, Luke. I thought I had everything I wanted here. Then you appeared and…’ Her words trailed off. She shook her head. ‘I need to concentrate on Reuben right now. We’ve got an appointment tomorrow at San Fran Children’s Hospital.’ Her voice grew quiet. ‘I’ve no idea what will happen, but right now…’ she raised her eyes again to meet his ‘…I need to be a mom.’ His hand reached over and stroked her cheek. ‘I wouldn’t want you to be anything else, Abby. Being a mom is what I always wanted for you. You were made for this job.’ Her face changed and he couldn’t read it. A multitude of expressions flitted across her face as she obviously processed her feelings. Her eyes fixed on the screwed-up ball of paper still in her hand. Luke felt as if he was on a cliff edge, dangling, waiting for the right or wrong words that could send him tumbling into oblivion. If only he could say what she really needed to hear. That he loved her and he needed her. And that he could be there to hold Reuben’s hand no matter what the outcome. But he had to be sure. He had to be absolutely sure that this was something he could do. And the one person he could talk to about all this wasn’t here. Ryan. Ryan only existed in his head now. He didn’t have him to laugh and joke with, to ask advice, to lend a sympathetic ear. And Abby was the person who would naturally fill that role for him now. She was the person who knew him best. So why couldn’t he talk to her about this? Why couldn’t he make her understand? She looked so lost. And alone. Alone, with the weight of the world on her shoulders. Noise surrounded them. A siren, approaching fast. He watched as a police car pulled up at the entrance, closely followed by a procession of sleek black cars. He jumped up and ran over to the police chief. ‘Is something wrong?’ The police chief took a second to give his badge a cursory glance, before watching as an array of men in black exited the cars. James Turner strode through the main entrance, his hand outstretched towards the chief. ‘Thanks for coming.’ Luke looked from one to the other. ‘What on earth is going on?’ James Turner raised his eyebrow. ‘Word’s got out about the First Lady. We’re just about to turn this into a no-fly zone. Our plans have changed. We need to resecure this area.’ ‘What does that mean?’ The police chief shook his head. ‘Before, no one knew the First Lady was here. Now the media have hired every moveable object in the area and are trying to reach the hospital. The President’s here, so the whole area above Pelican Cove needs to be declared a no-fly zone for security reasons. It’s going to be chaos around here. And now we have a baby to protect too.’ Luke took a deep breath. This was the last thing they needed. He glanced over his shoulder towards Abby. She’d heard every word. ‘I’ll try and clear the ER.’ She headed back inside. Their conversation was clearly over. She strode away from him and Luke watched as the crumpled hospital appointment rolled across the ground at her feet, like a tumbleweed ball across a desert. CHAPTER ELEVEN (#ulink_bc029bf4-94a0-5368-b8d4-62353787f319) ABBY bent down and zipped up Reuben’s red raincoat. ‘Ready, honey?’ He shook his blond head and glared at her with his pale blue eyes. ‘Don’t want to go,’ he said stubbornly. She knew exactly how he felt. She lifted her hand and traced her finger down his cheek. ‘I don’t want to go either, honey, but we have to. We have to find out if you need more special medicine.’ ‘I don’t need any special medicine.’ He raised his arms to show her his muscles, hidden under layers of clothes. ‘Look, Mommy, I’m strong, I don’t need any.’ Abby smiled at his bravado. Reuben wasn’t a child who screamed and shouted and had temper tantrums. He liked to argue his case with her. See if he could win her round. But he could never win this argument. This morning she could see just how pale he was. He had hardly eaten any dinner last night— even though she’d made his favourite—and even though she’d tried to tempt him with an early breakfast this morning, it had been a washout. She could tell right now that he was still tired and he would probably fall asleep in the car on the way to San Francisco. She put her hands around him and pulled him up into her arms. ‘I know you’re strong, Reuben. I think you’re the strongest boy in the world. And do you know what? When we finish up at the hospital today, I’m going to take you to the big toy shop and you can pick another wrestler for your ring. How’s that?’ ‘How many?’ The immediate distraction worked. Four-year-olds knew exactly where their priorities lay. Abby wrinkled her nose as she lifted her bag and pulled the front door open. ‘Maybe one, no… maybe two, or…if you’re extra good,’ she whispered in his ear, ‘maybe three!’ ‘Whoopee!’ Reuben flung his hands in the air and laughed. ‘Three new wrestlers!’ She caught a glimpse of a shape. A dark figure on her front steps that leapt to his feet as they came through the door. She stopped short. Luke. ‘What are you doing here?’ He hadn’t stayed there last night and she’d no idea where he’d been. How long had he been sitting there? ‘Waiting for you.’ ‘Hi, Luke. Mommy’s going to buy me some new wrestlers today. Wanna come?’ Abby glanced at her watch. She had plenty of time to spare, but she didn’t want to spend it on this. ‘I can’t deal with you today, Luke.’ She pushed past him towards her car, pressing the button to open the doors. His hand closed over hers, releasing the key from her grasp. ‘I’m not here to fight with you, but I am coming with you. Let me drive.’ ‘In that?’ She pointed towards her Mini, her eyes running up and down his tall frame. ‘You won’t even fit.’ He eyed the car carefully and gave a slow nod. ‘I’ll get in there if I have to bend myself double.’ He pulled open the nearest door. ‘Why don’t you sit in the back with Reuben? Let me take the stress of the drive. San Francisco can be pretty hairy at this time of day.’ She bit her lip. She hated driving to San Francisco. She hated driving full stop. That was part of the reason she loved Pelican Cove so much, she hardly had to use her car at all. He lowered his voice. ‘I’m not going to let you go alone, Abby. I’m not going to let you go through this yourself today. You don’t have to. I want to be here. Let me help you.’ His eyes were fixed on hers with an air of determination she’d never seen before. She could spend the next hour arguing with him and still wouldn’t win, and somehow she didn’t want to. She really didn’t want to spend the day alone in the hospital, waiting to hear the news that she dreaded. ‘C’mon, Mommy. Let’s go get the wrestlers.’ Reuben shifted in her arms, causing her to snap to attention. ‘Will we let Luke come with us?’ she asked him. ‘Is he going to buy me a wrestler too?’ She laughed. Life was so simple when you were four years old. ‘Okay, then, you can come.’ She held Luke’s gaze for a second. ‘But don’t make this any harder for me.’ ‘I won’t, I promise.’ He nodded solemnly before she finally turned and loaded Reuben into the car seat, strapping him in place before joining him in the back seat. Luke folded himself into her tiny car, pushing the seat back against her legs, before starting the engine and heading down the cliff-side road towards the city. Within ten minutes Reuben was sleeping—just like she’d predicted. Another sign. That was three this morning. He was pale, tired and he’d lost his appetite. None of this was good. Things weren’t meant to work out like this. She’d been so hopeful. After all, the majority of kids with ALL now had good outcomes. Was she going to have one of the unfortunate few? He was in his third phase of treatment. He’d had the awful induction therapy to kill all the affected cells, then he’d had his consolidation therapy to kill any remaining cells that could grow again and cause a relapse. Now he was in the maintenance phase. Maintenance that for Reuben obviously hadn’t worked. She was going to have to go through all this again. Weeks of sickness, weeks of avoiding infection, weeks of a little boy who was so tired he could barely keep his eyes open. Weeks of finding him something, anything, that he might be able to stomach and keep down. It wouldn’t be the first time she’d bundled him up in the car and left the house in the dead of night in search of some type of popsicle or chocolate bar that he’d decided he could eat. She turned and looked out of the window as the perfect ocean views of Pelican Cove drifted past. The crashing waves, rugged coastline and lush green hills. She’d wanted the perfect life here. She’d wanted to bring her child up here—but was this the place her child could die? The thought sent an involuntary shudder down her spine and she could feel the rise of bile in the back of her throat. Where did these thoughts come from? How did they get inside her mind? Inside her dreams? Last night had been a repeat of the little white coffin, being lowered into the ground. But last night’s dream had changed. This time Luke had been standing next to her, his arms wrapped around her shoulders. Was it a prediction? Was she seeing the future? Because this wasn’t the future she wanted. She couldn’t even contemplate a future like that. Another thought played across her mind. If something happened to Reuben, would she even want to be here any more? Their lives were so entrenched, so intermingled, she couldn’t imagine living without him. Someone had once told her that parents shouldn’t outlive their children. She hadn’t understood the significance of the words at the time. But now she did. She wouldn’t want to be here without him. She couldn’t be here without him. How could she stay in her aunt’s house without every thought being of him? It was a happy home and should be filled with a happy family. If she didn’t have her son, what was there to live for? Having Luke here wasn’t enough, no matter how much she loved him. She needed them both. She needed a whole family, a complete family, because, truth be told, right now she was terrified and she didn’t think she could go through all this again on her own. Her breath caught in her throat. What was happening to her? Was she losing her mind? She’d never had thoughts like this in her life. She had to focus. She had to concentrate. She had to get through today. Luke pulled into the car park and breathed an audible sigh of relief. Ninety minutes of almost complete silence. Not a word, just the easy-listening tunes on the radio as background noise. He opened the door and stepped out, hearing the loud crick in his neck as he arched his back and stretched his cramped legs. He opened the back door, unclipped Reuben and lifted him out. The little boy didn’t even wake up, just snuggled into the nape of his neck. And this time Luke didn’t pull away. This felt natural. Abby stepped out the other side, her eyes fixed on the large metropolitan building in front of them. ‘Okay?’ he asked. She nodded and walked back around the car, her hand reaching up and stroking Reuben’s sleeping head. There was something strange about being in a hospital where nobody knew who you were—you were just another face in the crowd. None of the usual nods of recognition or waves or greetings that usually happened. No one searching for you to consult on a patient or provide medical expertise. It was strangely disconcerting. Luke rarely told people outside the workplace that he was a doctor—a safeguard mechanism against them listing all their medical complaints for him. But this time he wanted people to know. He wanted them to know he was a doctor, he understood the language, the jargon and to appreciate the knowledge and skills he must have. He smiled to himself. Was this what happened? Was this the type of feelings that swamped you when you wanted to be an advocate for your child? Abby was obviously familiar with the place. She wove through the endless white corridors until they reached a set of lifts. Luke moved inside and waited while she pressed the button. The lift moved upwards silently. The doors swooshed open. And then it hit him. Like an assault. That smell. The smell that could only be associated with this type of ward. Paediatric oncology. It assaulted his senses in a way he’d never expected, bringing with it an onslaught of unexpected memories. Tests, procedures, medications, dressings. And waiting. Endless and endless waiting. He must have flinched. ‘Luke?’ Abby’s face was wary. She pressed the button to stop the lift doors sliding shut again. ‘Are you getting out?’ she said pointedly. He nodded and quickly stepped out of the lift and into the ward. They walked down the corridor, passing open doors showing kids of all ages, sleeping, playing, crying, eating, all at various stages of disease and recovery. For Luke, he’d just stepped back in time. His fingers tightened around Reuben’s sleeping form. He didn’t want to let him go. The brightly coloured murals on the walls passed by in a flash. A woman in a bright pink tunic walked over and kissed Abby on the cheek. ‘Hi, Abby, how’s he doing?’ She walked around to Luke’s shoulder and smiled at the sleeping boy. She held out her arms. ‘How about I take him while you go in and speak to Jonas?’ Abby nodded at Luke and he reluctantly handed over the sleeping bundle. A sandy-haired man opened the door to the office in front of them. ‘Hi, Abby, I thought I heard Toni’s voice. Come on in.’ His eyes fell on Luke as he held the office door open for them both. Abby sat down in one of the nearby chairs. ‘Jonas, this is Dr Luke Storm, he’s a…family friend.’ Jonas’s eyes narrowed slightly at her hesitation before he extended his hand towards Luke’s and shook it firmly. ‘Pleased to meet you, Luke. Jonas Bridges. I’m glad that Abby has someone here to support her.’ He sat down at his desk and pushed some forms across the desk towards Abby. Reuben’s blood test results. Did that seem cold? Luke wasn’t sure. But Abby had obviously been seeing this doctor regarding Reuben’s care for a long time. Maybe it was just the professional mutual respect of them both being doctors that led him to be so straight-forward? Luke leaned across the desk and peered at the result. It was just as they feared. Not good. ‘What kind of doctor are you, Luke? Is this your field?’ Jonas was obviously trying to feel his way, to see how much explaining he would need to do. Luke shook his head. ‘No, this isn’t my field. I’m a cardiologist. But…’ he glanced back at Abby, whose eyes were still fixed on the blood results ‘…I’ve probably got a better understanding of these than most people. My brother had ALL fifteen years ago.’ Jonas nodded slowly, obviously digesting the information. His steady gaze held Luke’s. ‘And now?’ Luke gave an imperceptible shake of his head. ‘I’m sorry to hear that.’ His hands reached across the desk and clasped Abby’s. ‘You know what I’m going to tell you next. We need to do another bone-marrow aspiration today. I know that you’ve probably prepared Reuben for that, but I want to take some time to speak to him myself before we do the procedure. Is that okay with you?’ She gave a weak smile. ‘I thought you might.’ ‘I’ll be honest with you, Abby, and I think you know what we will find. Depending on what the bone-marrow aspiration shows, it’s likely we’re going to have to look at another round of treatment for Reuben.’ ‘What kind?’ Her voice was quiet, almost a whisper. Jonas’s voice was steady and calm. ‘We’ll discuss the options. We might go for another round of chemotherapy, we might look at chemotherapy with stem-cell transplant, I might also recommend that Reuben takes part in one of our specialised clinical trials.’ Luke was nodding slowly. Dr Bridges was laying out the options so that nothing would be a surprise for her. Just like any reliable physician should. Just as he would. He could see that from a professional perspective. But this didn’t feel like his normal professional consultations. All of Luke’s emotions were heightened. This was Reuben they were talking about. But they might as well have been talking about Ryan—because this felt personal. Jonas pushed a consent form in front of Abby with Reuben’s name and the procedure listed on it. ‘I know you’re a doctor, Abby, but today you’re a parent—like any other. Do you want me to talk you through this again?’ She shook her head silently and scribbled her name on the consent form. ‘I take it you haven’t given him breakfast this morning Abby?’ She shook her head again. The words just wouldn’t come to her lips right now. She’d already fasted him, knowing the strong likelihood of the procedure taking place. ‘I woke him extra-early and planned to give him something light, but he wasn’t hungry. He couldn’t eat.’ Jonas took one last look over his notes. ‘It will only be a really light anaesthetic, Abby—just like last time. And you’ll be able to take him home in a few hours as long as his pain is under control. Do you want to come in with him again?’ Abby nodded then stood up, pushing her chair backwards. ‘Do you want to speak to Reuben first, then?’ Jonas nodded. ‘Give me a few minutes then come into the room. Toni, the nurse, has everything set up for us.’ Abby folded her arms across her chest and moved sideways to let Jonas past. She didn’t speak. She didn’t say anything. She didn’t even turn to face him. Luke stood up and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. Her head naturally leaned against him. ‘He hates this part,’ she whispered. So did Luke. He’d been with Ryan four times when he’d had a bone-marrow aspiration done. It wasn’t a pleasant experience for a teenager, let alone for a child. ‘He’s a good kid, Abby, he’ll get through this.’ ‘But will I?’ The question hung in the air between them. Had she meant to say that out loud? Was that just another random thought that was circulating around her brain? Luke wasn’t quite sure how to respond. He felt his shoulders tense, a ripple of fear dancing along the edge of his stomach. Memories of his own mother’s actions. What had happened to steadfast Abby? This was hard. This was difficult. But she was Reuben’s mom. Of course she would get through this—no matter how hard it was. The door creaked and Toni appeared at their side. ‘Do you want to come through? Jonas has spoken to Reuben and he’s a little upset about the test.’ Abby nodded swiftly and turned, striding out the door. Just as she should. So what had happened a few seconds ago? Abby couldn’t think straight. She was a doctor. She was used to these things. She’d had to have numerous conversations like this with parents over the years. She hadn’t even needed to see the blood results—because she’d known what they would show. But somehow it made it all worse. They were real. Her son’s leukaemia was back. The maintenance phase was over—it hadn’t worked. And in the cold, hard light of day, having the figures in front of her in black and white just…sucked. A word she hadn’t used since she was a teenager. But right now it was the only way to describe how she felt. She didn’t want to think of any of the other descriptive words. Terrified. Shocked. Traumatised. She took a deep breath and walked into the treatment room. ‘Mommy!’ Reuben was sitting on the edge of the examination couch, his arms extended towards her. She walked over and enveloped him in a bear hug. His eyes were watery. ‘I need the big needle again, Mommy,’ he whispered in her ear. She knelt down before him. ‘I know, honey. But Mommy will stay with you and Dr Jonas will have it all over in a flash. Just think about those lovely wrestlers you want to pick later today.’ Toni came in with a brightly coloured robe in her hands. ‘I brought you your favourite one, Reuben—with the monkeys on it.’ She turned to face Abby. ‘Do you want to get him changed or shall I?’ Abby lifted the robe from her hands. ‘I’ll do it. Do you know if they will be long?’ Toni shook her head. ‘Less than ten minutes. Jonas is away to scrub and the anaesthetist will be through in a couple of minutes. I’ve brought some scrubs for you and your…friend,’ her eyes ran up and down the length of Luke. ‘Do you both want to be here?’ She turned and gave Luke a smile. ‘We try to make this as informal as possible. Parents are encouraged to stay with their children throughout, so they can better understand the procedure. And the anaesthetic is very light, just knocks them out for fifteen minutes or so.’ Luke smiled and took the scrubs from her hands. Toni hadn’t been in the consulting room. She’d no idea he knew this stuff like the back of his hand. And she still hadn’t asked about his relationship to Reuben. Was she making an assumption because of their looks? ‘We’re both staying,’ he said decidedly. Toni gave a nod and left them both to change. Abby ducked into the nearby washroom and came out with her hair tied back from her face and the pale blue scrubs on. ‘Go and get ready,’ she said quietly as she bent over Reuben and started dispensing with his jeans. Luke came out in time to meet the anaesthetist and listen to her laugh and joke with Reuben as she explained about the little mask she’d use to make him sleepy. Luke wondered how it must feel to have to do this every day. To have to look after sick children and their parents. Jonas Bridges appeared back in the room, scrubbed and ready to start. He gave a little nod to the anaesthetist, who lifted the mask above Reuben’s face. Seconds later, his hand still ensconced in Abby’s, Reuben was fast asleep. The staff moved seamlessly and like clockwork. Reuben was turned on his side, positioned so the posterior iliac spine of the pelvic bone was revealed. A few sweeps with antiseptic and they were ready. Abby swallowed the enormous lump that had appeared in her throat. Reuben was sleeping and she watched as Jonas injected some lidocaine into the area around the site to help with Reuben’s pain control later. His gloved hands removed the needle from its protective covering and prodded Reuben’s skin to determine where to insert it. She felt something wash over her. The same feeling that had swept over her in that room in Pelican Cove when the First Lady had had her baby. Like a warm summer heat enveloping her skin. But it wasn’t comforting. It was restricting. It was clawing at her throat and her lungs. She gave a little cough as she tried to pull in some air. But it wasn’t working. The nausea from earlier returned with a vengeance. Gripping at her stomach muscles, making her retch. She lifted her hand to her mouth. Luke’s eyes turned to her, narrowing instantly. The room was closing in on her. How could anyone breathe in here? There was no air. It was suffocating. Tingling sensations started in the palms of her hands and crept up her arms towards her chest. Her heart was racing, liked a trapped butterfly beating frantically inside her chest. Her eyes darted around the room. Why was everyone else okay? Didn’t they feel it too? Were the anaesthetic gases leaking? The voices inside her head started playing automatically. Calm down. Calm down. But she couldn’t. She was going to die in here. Her skin was covered in sweat, she could feel rivulets running down her spine and catching in the waistband of her scrubs. Her eyes fixed on Reuben lying on the examination couch. His short white-blond hair and pale skin. Such an angel. Reuben looked like an angel. Angel. Death. She had to get out of here. She couldn’t be in here. Whatever it was, it was going to kill her. She dropped Reuben’s hand from hers and pulled back from the side of the couch. Try as she might, she couldn’t get a breath. She couldn’t fill her lungs with air. Her head swam. She was dizzy. She was going to be sick. Luke placed his strong arm on hers. His voice full of concern. ‘Abby?’ It didn’t sound right. His voice sounded distorted, as if it belonged to someone else. She tried to take a step backwards and staggered, reaching out behind her to grab hold of the wall. ‘I have to go,’ she muttered as she stumbled towards the door. ‘Wait a minute, Abby. What’s wrong?’ Luke’s arms gripped her shoulders, his face directly in front of hers. But it was swimming. It wasn’t staying in one place. And he was right in front of her, stealing the air that she so desperately needed to breathe. She pushed him with all her might, sending him backwards towards Reuben. She grasped at her throat as she pulled at the doorhandle. What was happening to her? The last thing she saw was Luke’s eyes, looking at her with pure venom as she wrenched open the door and headed for the clean, fresh air. CHAPTER TWELVE (#ulink_dd420a67-eb54-5b86-b9ab-4a1fdcf1a6f6) LUKE couldn’t believe what he’d just witnessed. Abby—the person who loved her child more than anything—had just run out on him. She was just his mother all over again. Running out on her child when he needed her most. What kind of parent did that? His reaction was instantaneous. He moved over towards the examination couch and put his hand in Reuben’s. He was still anesthetised, still sleeping. He would have no idea what had just happened. The little boy’s skin was cool, so he brought his other hand over and gently rubbed some heat into him. He was aware of the guarded looks around him. The unspoken messages passing between the various members of staff. Toni, the nurse, touched his shoulder. ‘Do you want to go after her?’ ‘No.’ His voice was brusque. He wasn’t going anywhere. His job was here, with Reuben. Jonas looked up from where he was extracting the bone-marrow aspirate. ‘I’ll be finished in a few minutes. Then we can wake Reuben up again.’ Luke captured the look in his eyes. The knowledge, the expertise. Jonas was still looking at him, his voice quiet. ‘It happens quite a lot, you know.’ ‘People run out on their kids?’ Jonas arched an eyebrow at him, before he looked downwards again, slowly removed the needle from Reuben’s hip and pressed down firmly on the site. ‘No. Parents panic. This might seem like a relatively simple procedure. But the results mean a whole lot more. Sometimes the magnitude of the situation doesn’t hit a parent until they’re in here. And they realise that the result of this test could be the difference between life and death for their child. You said you’ve been through this before. You should understand.’ Lord, the man was brutal. He didn’t mince his words. Should he really be working in a place like this? Luke bit his lip. He lifted his hand and stroked Reuben’s fine blond hair and ran a finger gently down his cheek. This little boy needed someone. This little boy needed him. Jonas covered the area with a dressing, snapped off his gloves and walked around the bed towards Luke. He pressed a firm hand on his shoulder. ‘Once she’s calmed down, Abby will be distraught about what just happened. If you know her at all, you know that about her.’ Something twisted inside him. He was a doctor. He knew the signs. He should have recognised them quicker. Abby had had a panic attack. She hadn’t run out on her child. She would never run out on her child. So why was he so furious? Luke ran his fingers through his hair. ‘I can’t leave Reuben. I need to be here for Reuben.’ The anaesthetist gave him a nod. ‘We’re done here. I’m just waking him up. Why don’t you wait until he comes to, then go and find his mom?’ He nodded as she removed the anaesthetic mask. ‘He’s had some local anaesthetic in the site and he’s been given some pain relief so hopefully he’ll be quite comfortable when he wakes up. You can let us know if he needs anything else.’ Luke nodded slowly. The air in the room was quiet, his large hand was still holding Reuben’s small one—and he’d no intention of letting go. Abby felt the cool breeze rustle through her hair. She could hear the sounds of bubbling water. Her heart had stopped clamouring. Her head had stopped spinning. She could finally breathe again. Where was she? She slowly lifted her head from between her knees. She was outside the hospital entrance, in the gardens at the front, sitting on one of the benches next to the ornamental fountain. How had she got here? She put her hands on her waist, arched her back and took a deep breath. It was a beautiful warm sunny day but she was cold. Her hand touched the thin blue scrubs she was wearing. They were damp. No wonder she was cold. Her mind shifted and things came back into focus. Oh, no. Reuben. How was Reuben? She jumped from the seat, but her legs were unprepared and they buckled underneath her. She had to get back up there. She had to see how her son was. Her eyes turned towards the hospital building. The light was reflecting off the tinted glass windows, causing it to blind her. A tall figure was striding purposefully across the grass towards her. She raised her hand to shield her eyes from the sun. Luke. Her insides curled. What must he think of her? She cringed as she remembered the look on his face when he’d told her about his mother and the day she’d run out on Ryan when he’d been having his bone-marrow aspiration done. The disgust. The absolute disgust and contempt he’d felt. And now he’d feel that way about her. She pushed back against the hard wooden bench. Would he yell? Would he scream at her? He couldn’t possibly make her feel any worse than she did now. The figure came into focus. Like her, still dressed in the hospital blue scrubs. His tall frame blocked out the sunlight as he came towards her. She could stop squinting now and focus on his face. It was blank. Unreadable. Had something happened to Reuben? ‘Luke…’ His hand reached out and touched her shoulder. ‘Reuben’s fine, Abby.’ He’d sensed her immediate fears and quelled them. He removed his hand and sat down next to her, the bench shifting underneath her at the weight, his hands clasped in front of him. ‘I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what happened in there. I couldn’t breathe. It was claustrophobic. I thought I was going to be sick—or pass out.’ The words shot out, one after another. His hand reached over and touched her leg. It was warm, providing heat through her sweat-drenched scrubs. ‘You had a panic attack, Abby.’ She shook her head. ‘That’s ridiculous. I’m a doctor. Why on earth would I have a panic attack?’ But even as she said the words of denial, the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle started to fall into place. ‘Because you’re not a doctor here, Abby.’ He waved his arm towards the building. ‘This isn’t Pelican Cove. Here you’re a mom, with the possibility of a sick child. That’s why you had a panic attack.’ His lips turned upwards in a rueful smile. ‘It doesn’t have to make sense, you know.’ She groaned. ‘I think I’m going to be sick.’ She ducked her head down between her knees, waiting for the wave of nausea to pass again. Luke’s hand was on her back, stroking her neck. He was touching her. He wasn’t shouting. He wasn’t yelling. She felt the tears brim in her eyes. What did that mean? Her head flipped back up and she took a deep breath. She studied his face carefully. ‘You must hate me.’ He shifted uncomfortably. ‘What makes you say that?’ ‘The way you looked at me when I left the room. I saw you. I could see in your eyes how you felt about me.’ Luke leaned forward and put his head in his hands. She kept talking. ‘I’m sorry, Luke. I know you told me about your mom leaving Ryan. I never, ever thought I would do the same thing.’ ‘What do you want me to say to you, Abby?’ ‘That you don’t hate me—that you forgive me.’ Silence. Luke was studying the ground at his feet. ‘I don’t know if I can say that.’ His words were quiet, whispered. ‘You reminded me of every reason why I hate my mother today.’ Abby’s voice caught in her throat. She couldn’t hide the desperation in her voice, she was clutching at straws and she knew it. ‘Do you think it’s possible she had a panic attack too?’ Luke threw up his hands in exasperation. ‘The woman would have to feel some kind of emotion to have a panic attack, Abby.’ ‘How can you say that? How can you know that? Did you ever speak to her about it?’ She was tired, tired of Luke for judging her and judging his mother. He jumped up from the bench. ‘Talk to her about it? You must be joking. If I wanted to talk to my mother about Ryan dying I’d have had to schedule an appointment in her diary!’ Abby could feel the anger rise in her veins. She jumped up too. ‘And you think I’m like her? I’m like your mother? Do you know what I saw in that room, Luke? Do you know what’s been haunting my dreams for the past few nights? Coffins. Little white coffins. Little white coffins being lowered into the ground. And it kills me. I wake up and for a second I don’t know if it’s real or not. And it takes me a few seconds to separate fact from fiction. And every time it happens I wonder if it’s a premonition. And here…’ she thrust a finger toward her chest ‘…right here, I know that if Reuben dies, I want to die with him.’ Luke opened his mouth and then stopped. The pieces of the jigsaw puzzle in his mind finally slotted into place. This was it. This was what it felt like to have two people more precious to you than anything else in this world. This is what it felt like to have two people you would offer to sacrifice your own life for. To take their place—no matter what. Abby stood before him, her pale skin almost translucent, her eyes strained, her hair in disarray and a multitude of tears spilling down her cheeks. She had never looked more beautiful and it twisted something deep inside his gut. He took her arm and led her back to the bench, giving them both a few moments to collect their thoughts. He took a deep breath. ‘You’re not my mom, Abby.’ ‘But do you hate me? Will Reuben hate me?’ Her bottom lip was trembling. ‘Reuben doesn’t even know, Abby. He’s upstairs with Toni right now. I told him you’d stayed with him and went to the hospital store for a popsicle. He’ll be expecting you any minute.’ She heaved a sigh of relief. The weight that had been pressing down on her chest beginning to subside. ‘Thank you. Thank you, Luke.’ He saw her turn towards him, her face determined, her eyes steady. ‘Why are you here? You gave up on me. You gave up on me and my ideas about a family for us. You wouldn’t even try. I wasn’t important enough for you to give us a shot.’ He shook his head, ‘No Abby…’ But she stopped him. ‘Why now, Luke? Why, when I’m probably at the most difficult stage in my life? Why have you decided you want to be part of my life now?’ She went to open her mouth again but he raised a hand to stop her. ‘Let me speak. I’ve made a huge mistake. A mistake that started five years ago. I wanted you to be free to have a family of your own, the family you’d always dreamed about and the family that you deserved. I’ve made such a mess of this. These last few days, spending time with you and Reuben has been the best time of my life. I feel as if I’ve finally seen what a family could be, what a family should be. And I know, more than anything, that’s what I want. I love you, Abby. I want you as my family, you and Reuben.’ He heard her sharp intake of breath. ‘How can you say that after what just happened? How could you even contemplate loving me?’ ‘Because I never stopped. I love you, Abby. I love you and Reuben. I want to be part of your lives.’ ‘I love you too, Luke.’ She shook her head. ‘But this is just too hard. ‘It isn’t too hard.’ His voice was determined. ‘We won’t let it be. You don’t have to do this alone. Let me be there for you, for you and for Reuben.’ She shook her head. ‘No, Luke. I can’t expect that from you and why would you want to?’ Her voice rose in confusion. ‘You can walk away and not look back. You don’t owe us anything.’ His hand rested on her shoulder and her head automatically leaned towards it, finding comfort in its warmth. She placed her own hand over his. ‘You’ve already been through this, Luke. You had a brother that you loved and lost. I couldn’t ask you to do that again.’ He shook his head. ‘This is different. I was a child myself back then, with two parents who couldn’t deal with the situation. I’m an adult now, I’m free to make my own choices. And this is the choice that I choose to make. I only wish I’d been smart enough to be with you from the start of this. I don’t want to walk away. I might not be Reuben’s father but I know what’s here…’ he pointed towards his chest ‘…in my heart. For you and for him.’ ‘But how can you?’ Her voice wavered. ‘How can you choose to do this again?’ ‘Because the love always outweighs the pain.’ His voice was quiet and determined. ‘No matter what I went through with my brother, it was worth it. He was worth it. I have millions of fabulous memories of our time together. And if you told me right now that I could have my life again, with or without him in it, I would choose him every time.’ He put his finger under her chin and lifted her head towards him. ‘We don’t know what will happen with Reuben. But how much joy has he brought you, Abby? Isn’t he worth it?’ A single tear slid down her cheek. ‘Of course he is.’ ‘Then all I’m telling you is that you don’t have to do this alone. Because I think that you’re worth it, Abby. I think that Reuben’s worth it too.’ He slid a finger through her blonde hair. ‘You know what they say—for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health.’ His voice was trembling now; she knew what he was trying to say. Her eyes were heavy with tears and she swallowed the lump in her throat that was the size of baseball. ‘Can we do this in baby steps?’ ‘We can do this anyway you like.’ EPILOGUE (#ulink_37a55ae8-a0b7-5c5c-8baf-1fd30443b42e) ‘I THINK I need an eternity ring.’ Abby twisted the single diamond on her finger with the plain gold band underneath. ‘What makes you think that?’ Luke turned to face her, hoisting his hand under his head. Abby stretched out on the blanket, lying on the grass in front of their house. She smiled as she watched Reuben play with his new brother. Austin, or the ‘tiny terror’ as they’d nicknamed him, was more than a match for his older brother. At the age of two, his ambition in life appeared to be to wreak havoc wherever he went. He’d only been with them for three weeks and so far he’d wrecked the sofa, gouged a hole in the dining-room table and trailed a black felt tip-pen along the pale cream wall in the hall. Reuben was doing well. He’d had another course of treatment and been in remission for over a year. His energy had returned in leaps and bounds and he’d been over the moon at the prospect of a little brother. She lifted her hand and let the sun’s rays catch the diamond on her finger, glistening against the dark green grass. ‘Some women get an eternity ring after they’ve been married a number of years. Some women get an eternity ring after the birth of their first child.’ She waved her hand across the grass. ‘Well, that’s been over a year now, and I’ve got two kids, so cough up, mister.’ Luke reached his hand up and pulled the parasol a little lower, hiding them from the boys. ‘Is this negotiable?’ A wicked smile danced across his face. ‘I might have bought you an alternative present.’ She sat upright. ‘What do you mean?’ He took her hand in his and pulled her upwards, leading her towards the front door. She watched as he opened the cupboard directly inside the front door and heaved out a huge flat brown box, sliding it carefully across the floor. Abby was amazed. When had this arrived? And how had she missed it? ‘What is this?’ she asked curiously. ‘Open it and see.’ He pulled a pair of scissors from the drawer of the dresser that sat in the corridor. She bent down and snipped at the heavy-duty string that was wrapped around it, peeling back the cardboard layers. ‘Wow.’ A perfect round stained-glass window. To match the one at the other end of the upstairs corridor. But this one didn’t have yellow daffodils and bluebells. This was the one she’d always imagined. This had a dazzling display of multicoloured freesias—colours that would send rainbow streams of light down her corridor. ‘Oh, Luke, it’s just perfect. More perfect than any ring could be.’ Abby trailed a finger across his bare chest. The fire hadn’t stilled between them, it just seemed to burn brighter and brighter. ‘Good. Because I’ve been trying to keep that a secret for over a month. Now, what do I get in return?’ he whispered in her ear. Abby wriggled closer, loving the feel of his body against hers. ‘Why, Dr Storm, you get me and two very noisy little boys—your very own fan club.’ And she planted her lips on his, sealing their love with a kiss. The Cattleman’s Ready-Made Family (#ulink_1866637b-e051-5a2f-a2fb-94a00bf870c1) Michelle Douglas To the Valley Girls for the support, the laughter and the champagne. CHAPTER ONE (#ulink_4662ec54-96e5-562e-9640-9695ab030519) ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A TREE CHANGE? Do you long for fresh air and birdsong? Do you relish fresh-picked produce? Do you hunger for a gentler pace of life? RENT A FARMHOUSE FOR $1 A WEEK! If you’re a community-minded family, why not rent a farmhouse for $1 a week in beautiful Bellaroo Creek? We can promise you a fresh start and genuine country hospitality. CAMERON MANNING PACED from the fence to the empty farmhouse and back again. He checked his watch. The second hand hadn’t moved much from the last time he’d looked. With a curse, he threw himself down on the bench, squatting beneath one of the Kurrajong trees that screened this farmhouse from the rest of his property, and drummed his fingers against his thigh. Where was the woman? The slats of the bench, badly in need of a nail or ten, bit into his back. It would’ve been more comfortable to sit on the veranda, but here the deep shade screened him. It’d give him a chance to contemplate his new tenants unobserved. He scowled. If they ever turned up. To be honest, he didn’t much care if they did or not. All he wanted was Tess Laing’s signature on his contract so he could hightail it out of here again. He had work to do. Serious work. He leaned forward, steepling his hands under his chin as he glared at the farmhouse. Now that he had the cattle station on the western edges of his property sorted and in the capable hands of an under-manager, and he and station manager Fraser had dealt with all that needed overseeing for the operation of the sheep station and the planting and harvesting of the wheat crop, the only item left remaining was the canola contract. He needed that locked in. Once it was he’d be free to leave this godforsaken place. He’d shake off the dust of the poisonous memories that not only plagued his dreams at night but his waking hours too. He leapt up, a familiar bitterness coating his tongue and the blackness of betrayal settling over him like a straitjacket. For the first time in his life he understood his father’s retreat from the world. He recognised the same impulse in himself now. He gritted his teeth. He would not give into it. Blasting out a breath, he glanced at his watch. 3:30 p.m. The woman had said she’d arrive somewhere between two and three o’clock. He slashed a hand through the air. Lucky she wasn’t an employee. Lucky for her, that was. He could fire an employee. He wrenched his gaze from the forty hectares of lovingly improved land that stretched out behind the farmhouse. Land he’d spent the last two years painstakingly improving—turning the soil, digging out rocks, fertilising…backbreaking work. And now… He seized the contract he’d tossed onto the bench, rolled it up and slapped it against his legs. Once it was signed he could shake the dust of Bellaroo Creek from his feet for good. After that, his mother could deal with the new tenants. And good luck to them. He paced some more. He threw himself back to the bench and kept his gaze firmly fixed on the road and not on those contentious forty hectares. Finally a car appeared at the end of the gravel road, moving slowly—a big, solid station wagon. Cam didn’t move from his spot in the shade, not even stirring when the breeze sent a light branch dancing across his hair, but every muscle in his body tightened. He dragged in a breath and counselled patience. He would explain the inadvertent mix-up to Tess Laing. He would patiently explain that a mistake had somehow seen his forty hectares included in her lease on the house. He would get her signature to turn those forty hectares back over to him. End of story. If the mix-up had been inadvertent—an honest mistake. Bile burned his throat. Honesty and his family didn’t necessarily go hand in hand. He expected betrayal from Lance. His nostrils flared and his lips thinned. He would never underestimate his little brother’s treacherous resentment again. He would never again trust a word that spilled from Lance’s forked tongue. But his mother, had she…? An invisible hand tried to squeeze the air out of his lungs, but he ignored it to thrust out his jaw. Mistake or not, he needed that land. And he would get it back. He’d talk this woman out of whatever ridiculous hobby farm idea she’d come out here with. He’d offer her a fair price to lease the land back. He’d make whatever bargain he needed to. His hand curled around the contract. Once he had her signature, Kurrajong Station’s obligations would be met. And he’d be free to head off for the far horizons of Africa. Lance, Fiona and his mother could sink or swim on their own. The car finally reached the farmhouse and pulled to a halt. He rested his elbows on his knees, eyes narrowed. Would she be some hard-nosed business type or a free-spirited hippy? Three car doors were flung open and three passengers shot out from the car’s interior like bottled fizzy water that had been shaken and then opened—a woman and two children. All of them raced around to the front of the car and bounced from one foot to the other as if they’d been cooped up for too long. He studied the woman. She didn’t look like a hard-nosed businesswoman. She didn’t look like a nature-loving hippy either. She looked… In her red-and-black tartan skirt, thick black tights and black Doc Martens she reminded him of a ladybird. Her movements, though, were pure willy wagtail—light, graceful…cheeky. In fact, she looked like a university student. He sat up straighter. She couldn’t be old enough to have two kids! He turned his attention to the children—a boy of around seven and a girl a year or two younger. He had a vague recollection of his mother mentioning their ages as being a real coup for the school. It was the main reason the committee had chosen this family from the flood of applicants. A frown built inside him. They might be a coup for the school, but right now they were a disaster for him. Finally he allowed himself a grim smile as the woman shook out her arms and legs as if she’d spent too many hours in the car—granted it was a bit of a hike from Sydney to Bellaroo Creek—and then moved to rest her hands on the front fence, a child standing either side of her. Her dark hair shone in the autumn sun. It made him realise how brightly the sun shone in the soft autumn stillness of the afternoon. The boy glanced up at her, indecision flitting across his face. ‘What do you think?’ He glanced back at the cottage. ‘Did you know it would look like this?’ Cam pursed his lips at the edge of disappointment lacing the boy’s words. The little girl moved closer to the woman as if seeking reassurance. Cam straightened. If they hated the place they’d happily sign the whole kit and caboodle back over to him! That’d solve everything. ‘I had no idea what it’d look like.’ Her voice sounded like music. She beamed down at the children and then clasped her hands beneath her chin. ‘Oh, but I think it’s perfect!’ She knelt on the ground, heedless of the danger to her tights, to put an arm about each of them. The little girl pressed in against her. ‘Really?’ ‘You do?’ The little boy leaned against her too. ‘Oh, yes!’ Cam wondered where she came by such confidence and enthusiasm. She was from the city. What did she know about country living? Unless she’d known about those forty hectares before times and knew of their value. Unless Lance had already got to her, somehow. Unless— ‘Look at the size of the yard. Just think how perfect it’ll be once we’ve mown the lawn and trimmed back that hedge of…’ She gestured with her head because it was obvious she didn’t want to let go of either child. ‘You don’t know what it is,’ the boy accused. ‘I have no idea,’ she agreed with one of the widest grins Cam had ever seen. Plumbago. He could’ve told her, but something hard and heavy had settled in his stomach. He could’ve at least mown the lawn for them, couldn’t he? He might’ve been flat out with organising the cattle station, the wheat crop and mustering sheep, but he should’ve found the time to manage at least that much. He mightn’t want these new tenants—his mother had manipulated him superbly on that front—but that wasn’t this woman’s fault, or her children’s. ‘But won’t it be fun finding out?’ ‘I guess.’ ‘And just imagine how pretty the cottage will look once we’ve painted it.’ She was going to paint his cottage? ‘Pink!’ ‘Blue!’ ‘Cream!’ She grinned back at the kids. ‘We’ll draw straws.’ He hoped she rigged that one. The little girl started to jump up and down. ‘We can have chickens!’ ‘And a dog!’ The little boy started to jump too. ‘And a lemon tree and pretty curtains at the window.’ The woman laughed, bouncing back upright. ‘And…?’ ‘And we’ll all live happily ever after,’ they hollered together in a chorus, and Cam found he couldn’t drag his eyes from them. It was just a house on an average acre block. But it hit him then what this property represented. A new start. And he knew exactly what that meant. With everything in his soul. The woman clapped her hands, claiming his attention once more. ‘I think we should sing our song to our new perfect home.’ And they started to sing. The children held a wobbly melody and the woman harmonised, and they so loved their song and grinned so madly at each other that Cam found his lips lifting upwards. ‘The house loves us now,’ the little girl whispered. ‘I believe you’re right.’ ‘I love a veranda,’ the little boy said and Cam knew it was his way of saying he approved of the house…of their new start. The woman smiled that smile again and Cam had to shift on his bench. ‘Right,’ she said, dusting off her hands, ‘what we need now is the key.’ That was his cue. He hadn’t meant to sit here for so long watching them without declaring himself. He’d only thought—hoped—that a moment’s observation would give him the measure of his new tenants. Except…He found himself more confounded than ever. ‘That’d be where I come in.’ Both children literally jumped out of their skins at his abrupt declaration and he found himself wishing he’d cleared his throat first to give them warning of his presence. The little girl ducked behind the woman, her hands clutching fistfuls of the woman’s shirt. The boy wavered for a moment or two and then moved in front of the woman, face pale and hands clenched, but obviously determined to protect her. It was a simple act of courage that knocked Cam sideways. His heart started to pound. The woman reached out and tousled the boy’s hair and pulled him back in against her. She kept her voice solidly cheerful. ‘Aha! You’ll be our emissary from the town.’ Not quite, but…‘I have your key.’ ‘Good Lord!’ She planted her hands on her hips as he emerged more fully into the sunlight. ‘Look at the size of you. I bet you’re a big help to your mum.’ And beside her both children immediately relaxed, and he found himself careful to keep the smile on his face and to move towards them slowly. ‘Actually, I guess I’m your landlord. I’m Cameron Manning.’ She frowned. ‘I thought Lorraine…’ ‘My mother.’ ‘Ah.’ She nodded, and then a cheeky grin peeked out. ‘The mother you’re such a big help to, no doubt.’ Actually, there was every doubt in the world on that head. ‘I’m Tess, and this is Tyler and Kristina—Ty and Krissie for short—and we’re very pleased to meet you.’ She held out her hand and he moved the final few feet forward to shake it. With such dark hair—nearly black—he’d thought she’d be pale but she had skin the colour of deep golden honey. Her palm slid against his, smooth and cool. Large brown eyes surveyed him with undisguised intensity as if attempting to sum up the man beneath the bulk. She smelled of liquorice and cool days, and when he finally stepped back Cam found his heart pounding. ‘Can you ride a horse?’ Tyler asked, awe stretching through his voice. ‘I can.’ ‘I want to be a cowboy when I grow up.’ ‘Then you’ve come to the right town,’ Cam said, though he could hardly believe that he spoke them. He hadn’t meant to be so welcoming. He’d meant to be businesslike and brisk. But that boy had stepped in front of his mother when he’d thought she’d needed protecting. There were grown men who were afraid to take Cam on physically. At six feet three and sporting the kind of muscles that hard work on the land developed, he understood that reluctance. He was big and he was strong. Yet, still, this little boy had faced his fear and Cam couldn’t ignore that. ‘Auntie Tess—’ the little girl tugged on the woman’s sleeve ‘—I’ve gotta go.’ Auntie? She wasn’t their mother? ‘Right.’ She stared at him expectantly. ‘The key?’ He recalled how he’d considered talking them out of this property. The contract he’d left sitting on the bench fluttered in the breeze. He considered Tyler’s act of courage and Krissie’s excitement about chickens and the way Tess had quieted the children’s fears with a song. A new start. He knew all about the need for those. He fished the key out of his pocket and handed it over. The three of them raced to the front door of the old farmhouse. Cam retrieved his contract and then stood under the Kurrajong tree and dragged in a breath. Okay, the house was neither here nor there. he had no plans for it. Those forty hectares, though, did matter and he wanted—needed—Tess’s signature on the dotted line. And he wasn’t leaving until he had it. He followed them into the house. ‘Bags this room!’ Tyler shouted from the corridor off to the right. ‘It has a view of the front and I can see who’s coming, which is good ’cause I’m the man of the house.’ That almost made Cam smile again, only he remembered how pale the boy had gone when Cam had appeared unannounced. The toilet flushed, the sound of water running in a tap and then Krissie raced down the corridor too. ‘Auntie Tess, this is your room! And this one is mine ’cause it’s right next to yours!’ Cam let out a breath as he glanced around. The yard might need some TLC, but the women from the Save-Our-Town committee had cleaned this place to within an inch of its life. The furniture might be mismatched—favouring comfort more than elegance—but there wasn’t a single dust bunny in sight. ‘Coffee?’ he called out, wanting Tess to know he’d followed them into the house. ‘Excellent idea,’ she called back. He strode into the kitchen and put the jug on to boil. The farmhouse wasn’t fancy by any means, but it had a certain homey charm. he had the impression that Tess would turn it into a home in the blink of an eye. What on earth was he talking about? He shook his head. She already had, and he wasn’t sure how. It took more than a smile and a song to make a home. Didn’t it? He let himself out of the back door, the contract burning a hole against his palm as he moved down the steps to stare out at those magical forty hectares. She was paying a dollar a week in rent for all that. It was enough to make a grown man weep. He straightened. He had a canola contract to fulfil—he’d given his word—and he wasn’t going to let anyone steal it out from under him. His lips twisted. He didn’t doubt for a moment that one person in particular in Bellaroo Creek would try to do exactly that, but would his mother be party to such duplicity? ‘You better get that particular look off your face quick smart or you’ll give Ty and Krissie nightmares for a month.’ He blinked to find Tess holding a mug out to him. He frowned. ‘I was supposed to be making those.’ He’d meant to make a stab at the country-hospitality approach first before bombarding her with his demand. Besides, she had dark circles beneath those magnificent eyes of hers. If she’d left two hours from the other side of Sydney this morning she’d have driven for the best part of eight hours. The least he could’ve done was make her a cup of coffee. And mow the lawn. And trim that hedge of plumbago. ‘No matter, and sorry but I put milk in it before I thought. If you want sugar—’ ‘No, this is great,’ he said hastily. ‘Thanks.’ Her lips twitched. ‘You didn’t strike me as a sugar-in-theircoffee type.’ What was that supposed to mean? She stared out at the fields and drew a breath deep into her lungs. ‘Oh, my, look at it all!’ His skin tightened. His muscles tensed. ‘You live in a beautiful part of the world, Cameron.’ ‘Cam.’ The correction came out husky. The only person to call him Cameron was his mother. ‘But you’re right.’ He nodded towards the fields. ‘It’s beautiful.’ And by rights it should be his. He spun to her. ‘There’s something—’ ‘I want to apologise for being late.’ He blinked at her interruption. ‘No problem.’ ‘We had one threat of car sickness.’ He grimaced. ‘And I took a wrong turn when we left Parkes. I started heading towards Trundle instead of Bellaroo Creek.’ ‘That’s in completely the opposite direction.’ ‘That’s what a man on a tractor told us.’ He shifted his weight, opened his mouth. She pointed back behind her with an infectious grin. ‘Do you know somebody left us a cake?’ He found one side of his mouth hitching up at her delight. ‘That’d be my mother. I’d know her sultana cake anywhere. It’s her speciality.’ ‘Then you must stay for a slice.’ He adjusted his stance. ‘Look, there’s something I need to talk to you about.’ Her gaze had dropped to take an inventory of his shoulders and he could feel himself tensing up again, but at his words her eyes lifted. She sipped her coffee. ‘Yes?’ ‘It’s about that land out there.’ He gestured out in front of them. ‘Wow! Look how big the yard is!’ With whoops, Ty and Krissie swooped down the back steps and into the yard. Cam winced at how overgrown it all was. ‘What kind of tree is that, Auntie Tess?’ She shaded her eyes and peered to where Krissie pointed. ‘Tell me?’ she shot out of the corner of her mouth and it made him want to laugh. ‘Please?’ ‘Lemon tree,’ he answered in an undertone. She turned and beamed at him. It cracked open something wide inside him—something that made him hot and cold at the same time. Before he could react in any way whatsoever, she set her coffee to the ground, danced down to the lemon tree and the children with her arms outstretched as if to embrace them all. But he could’ve sworn she’d whispered, ‘Smile,’ at him before she’d danced away. ‘It’s a lemon tree!’ The children cheered. They all started rattling off the things they’d make with the lemons—lemonade, lemon butter, lemon-meringue pie, lemon chicken, lemon tea—as if it were a litany they’d learned off by heart. As if it were a list that made the world a better place. And as he watched them Cam thought that maybe it did. ‘Where do you live, um…Mr…?’ He gazed down at Krissie with her blonde curls, and her big brown eyes identical to Tess’s, and recalled the way she’d jumped when he’d first spoken. Smile. ‘You can call me Cam,’ he said, making his voice gentle. ‘If that’s okay with your auntie Tess.’ Tess nodded her assent, but he was aware that she watched him like a hawk—or a mother bear hell-bent on protecting her cubs. ‘You can see my house from here.’ He led them towards the line of Kurrajong trees at the side fence and gestured across the acre field to his home beyond. ‘Wow,’ Ty breathed. ‘It’s big.’ It was, and the sandstone homestead was a point of local pride. ‘My great-great-great-grandfather was one of the first settlers in the area. His son built that house.’ ‘Is it a farm?’ ‘It is. It’s called Kurrajong Station because of all the Kurrajong trees. It’s large for these parts at six thousand hectares.’ It wasn’t a boast, just pure fact. ‘What do you farm?’ That was Tess. He eyed her for a moment. He sure as hell hoped she didn’t have any interests in that direction. ‘Cattle, sheep and wheat mostly.’ And just as soon as he had his forty hectares back he’d be branching out into canola. Diversification would ensure Kurrajong’s future. And once that was all in place, he could leave. For good. ‘Are we allowed to play in that field?’ Ty glanced up at him hopefully. Cam bit back a sigh. He didn’t have anything against the Save-Our-Town scheme in principle. He mightn’t want to live in Bellaroo Creek any longer, but his station’s prosperity did, to some extent, hinge on the town’s ongoing existence. It was just that in practical terms… So much for his jealously guarded privacy. Still, they were just kids. They wouldn’t disturb his peace too much. And kids would be kids—they’d want to explore, kick balls, run. Besides, he sensed that these kids needed more kindness than most. Rather than declare the paddock out of bounds, he found himself saying, ‘You’d better wait till you’ve made friends with my dog first.’ Ty’s face lit up. ‘You have a dog? When can we meet him?’ Cam shoved his hands in his pockets and glanced at Tess. ‘Tomorrow?’ She nodded. ‘Excellent.’ Her cap of dark hair glowed in the sun and her eyes were bigger than they had any right to be. He gave himself a mental kick and turned back to the kids. ‘I want you both to promise me something. If you see a paddock with either cows or big machinery in it, promise you won’t go into it. It could be dangerous.’ They gazed up at him with eyes too solemn for their age and nodded. Lord, he didn’t mean to frighten them. Smile! ‘We just want to make sure you stay safe, okay?’ They nodded again. ‘And you shouldn’t go outside your own yard or this paddock without letting your auntie Tess know first.’ Tess watched Cam as he talked with the children. His initial gruffness apparently hid a natural gentleness for all those smaller than him. Not that there’d be too many who’d be larger! The longer she watched, the more aware she became of the warmth stealing over her. She shook it off. She wanted this move to be perfect. She wanted to believe that everyone in Bellaroo Creek would have Ty and Krissie’s best interests at heart. She wasn’t going to let that hope lead her astray, though. Too much depended on her making the right decisions. She swallowed, her heart still burning at the children’s reactions when Cam had startled them—their instinctive fear and suspicion. She gripped her hands together. Please, please, please let moving to Bellaroo Creek be the right decision. Please, please, please let the children learn to trust again. Please, God, help her make them feel secure and safe, loved. She relaxed her hands and crossed her fingers. After the initial shaky start, it certainly looked as if the kids had taken to their laconic neighbour. After all, not only did he know how to ride a horse, but he had a dog too. True hero material. Her gaze drifted down his denim-clad legs and a long slow sigh built up inside her. He could certainly fill out a pair of jeans nicely. With cheeks suddenly burning, she wrenched her gaze away. For heaven’s sake, she hadn’t moved to Bellaroo Creek for that kind of fresh start! Besides—she glanced up at him through her lashes—Cameron Manning was a man with something on his mind. She’d sensed it the moment he’d stepped out of the shadows of the trees. She had relaxed a little, though, when he’d handed over the key. She had no intention of handing it back. She’d signed a legally binding lease. She’d paid the first year’s rent up front. All fifty-two dollars of it. The children ran off further down the backyard to explore, but even while she sensed he wanted to talk, she didn’t suggest they go inside to do just that. She wanted to keep an eye on Ty and Krissie. She wanted them to know she was nearby. She wanted to share in the joy of their discoveries. She had every intention of smoothing over any little concerns or ripples that threatened their well-being. That was her first priority. That mattered a million times more than anything else at the moment. Joy, love and hope— that was what these kids needed and that was exactly what they were going to get. She shot Cam another half-veiled glance. Still, if he was happy to talk out Here…‘I—’ ‘You’re their auntie Tess?’ She blinked. ‘Where are their parents?’ Ah. She’d thought the entire town would know their story considering she hadn’t been reticent about the details in her application. In fact, she’d shamelessly used those details in an attempt to tug on all the unknown heartstrings that would be reading their application. They walked back towards the house. Tess swooped down to pick up her abandoned coffee from the grass. She chugged back its lukewarm contents and then let the mug dangle loosely from her fingers. ‘Why is your surname different from your mother’s?’ ‘I’m the son from her first marriage.’ Right. She nodded towards the children. ‘Their father and mother—my sister—died in a car accident three months ago.’ He stilled. ‘I’m sorry.’ He sounded genuinely sympathetic and her eyes started to burn. Even now, three months down the track and a million tears later, she still found condolences hard to deal with. But Cameron’s voice sounded low and deep—the tone and breadth midway between an oboe and a cello—and somehow that made it easier. She nodded and kicked herself back into an aimless meandering around the yard. ‘Are you interested in farming? In keeping cattle or horses or growing a crop?’ The abrupt change of topic took her off guard. ‘God, no!’ She hoped he didn’t take her horror personally, but she didn’t know the first thing about farming. She didn’t know much about vegetable gardens or keeping chickens either, she supposed, but she could learn. ‘Why?’ ‘Because there’s been a bit of a mix-up with the tenancy agreement.’ Her blood chilled. Just like that. In an instant. Her toes and fingers froze rigid. He couldn’t kick them out! He’d given them the key. The children loved this place. She’d made sure they’d fallen in love with it—had used her enthusiasm and assumed confidence to give it all a magical promise. Ty and Krissie weren’t resilient enough to deal with another disappointment. And they didn’t deserve to. ‘I mean, yes,’ she snapped out as quickly as she could. ‘Farming is exactly the reason we’re out here.’ He frowned. In fact, it might be described as a scowl. But then he glanced at the kids and it became just a frown again. ‘I beg your pardon?’ She didn’t like the barely leashed control stretching through his voice, but he was not kicking them out. ‘What I’m trying to say is that I’m fully prepared to learn farming if that’s part of my contract.’ She’d gone over the contract with a fine-tooth comb. She’d consulted a solicitor. Her chin lifted. She’d signed a legally binding contract. She had understood it. The solicitor had ensured that. She wasn’t in the wrong here. A fine trembling started up in her legs, but she stood her ground. ‘I’m not going to let you kick us out.’ She even managed to keep her voice perfectly pleasant. ‘Just so you know.’ ‘I don’t want to kick you out.’ That was when she knew he was lying. Even though he’d been kind to the children. Even though he’d handed over the key. This man would love it if they left. Didn’t he want to save his town? By this stage they’d reached the back fence. She set her mug on a fencepost, and then leant against it and folded her arms. ‘It’s been a long day, Mr Manning, so I’m going to speak plainly.’ He blinked at the formality of her Mr Manning. And she saw he understood the sudden distance she’d created between them. ‘I signed a contract and I understand my rights. If there’s been a mix-up then it hasn’t been of my making.’ She folded her arms tighter. ‘Whatever this mix-up may be, the children and I are not leaving this house. We’re living here for the next three years and we’re going to carve out a new life for ourselves and we are going to make that work. This is now our home and we’re going to make it a good home. Furthermore, you are not going to say anything in front of the children that might upset or alarm them—you hear me?’ His mouth opened and closed. ‘I wouldn’t dream of it.’ He leaned towards her and he smelled like fresh-cut grass, and it smelled so fresh and young that she wanted to bury her face against his neck and just breathe it in. She shook herself. It’d been a long trip. Very long. ‘Then smile!’ she snapped. To her utter astonishment, he laughed, and the grim lines that hooded his eyes and weighed down the corners of his mouth all lightened, and his eyes sparkled, the same deep green as clover. Her breath caught. The man wasn’t just big and broad and a great help to his mum—he was beautiful! The blood started to thump in a painful pulse about her body. Four months ago she’d have flirted with Cam in an attempt to lighten him up. Three months ago she’d have barely noticed him. It was amazing the changes a single month could bring. One day. In fact, lives could change in a single moment. And they did. And they had. She swallowed. The particular moment that had turned her life on its head might not have been her fault, but if she’d been paying attention she might’ve been able to avert it. That knowledge would plague her to her grave. And men, beautiful and otherwise, were completely off the agenda. She snapped away from him. He frowned. ‘Tess, I’m not going to ask you to leave. I swear. This house is all yours for the next three years, and beyond if you want it.’ She bit her lip, glanced back at him. ‘Really?’ ‘Really.’ ‘Still—’ she stuck out a hip ‘—you’re less than enthused about it.’ He hesitated and then shrugged. ‘My mother has, in effect, foisted you lot on to me.’ She glanced at the house and then back at him. ‘Isn’t the house hers?’ ‘Not precisely.’ He exhaled loudly. ‘My father made certain provisions for my mother in his will. She has the use of this house along with an attached parcel of land for as long as she lives. When she passes the rights all revert back to the owner of Kurrajong Station.’ ‘You?’ ‘Me.’ She pursed her lips. He met her gaze steadily. She wanted to get a handle on this enigmatic neighbour of hers. Was he friend or foe? ‘Don’t you want to help save Bellaroo Creek?’ ‘Sure I do.’ ‘As long as you’re not asked to sacrifice too much in the effort, right?’ ‘As long as I’m not asked to give up a significant portion of my potential income in the process,’ he countered. ‘How will our being here impact negatively on your income?’ Her understanding was that the Save-Our-Town scheme only offered unused farmhouses in exchange for ludicrously cheap rents. If their farmhouse was unused he couldn’t possibly be losing money. In fact, he’d be fifty-two dollars a year richer. Her lips suddenly twitched. Cameron Manning didn’t strike her as the kind of man who’d stress too much over fifty-two dollars. Not that she needed to stress over money either. It hadn’t been the cheap rent but the promise of a fresh start that had lured her out here. He drew in a breath and then pointed behind her. She turned. ‘Forty hectares,’ he said. ‘Forty hectares I had plans for. Forty hectares my mother had promised to lease to me.’ She slapped a hand to her forehead. ‘They were allotted to me in my tenancy agreement? That’s the mix-up you’re talking about.’ ‘Yep.’ ‘And you want them back?’ ‘Bingo.’ She laughed in her sudden rush of relief. ‘Oh, honey, they’re all yours.’ What on earth did she want with forty hectares of wide, open space? She had a house and a backyard and a whole ocean of possibilities enough to satisfy her. She clapped her hands. ‘Hey, troops, who’s for sultana cake?’ CHAPTER TWO (#ulink_1f1e4437-9556-5956-a44a-38de623f3d33) IT TOOK TESS until her second bite of sultana cake to realise she hadn’t allayed her sexy neighbour’s concerns. She stiffened. Umm…not sexy. Taciturn and selfcontained, perhaps, and, um…She dragged her gaze from shoulders so broad they made her think of Greek gods and swimsuits and the Mediterranean. Sleep, rest, peace, that was what she needed. The last month had been a crazy whirlwind and she quite literally hadn’t stopped. The two months prior had been a blur of pain and grief. She flinched at the memory and brushed a hand across her eyes. Bellaroo Creek would bring her the rest and the sleep she craved, but peace? She wasn’t sure anything on earth could bring her that. And she wasn’t sure she deserved it. Cameron hitched an eyebrow. ‘A penny for them.’ She stiffened again. Nu-huh. But the exhaustion made her silly—an after-effect of the nonsense she’d used all day to keep the children entertained and in good spirits. ‘Are you sure you can afford a penny when I’m only paying you a dollar a week in rent?’ His green eyes gleamed for a tantalizing moment. It made him look younger. She dragged her gaze away and rose. ‘I’ll just check on the kids. The promise of cake should’ve had them sprinting inside.’ On cue, the pair came racing through the front door. ‘We found a lizard,’ Ty announced, breathless with excitement. ‘Will it bite us?’ Krissie asked, wide-eyed. She directed the question at Cam. He’d obviously become the source of trusted information. Tess’s chest cramped as she stared at them—took in their simple wonder. ‘That’ll be Old Nelson, the blue-tongue,’ Cam said, leaning back in his chair, one long, lean leg stretched out in front of him. Krissie’s eyes widened even further. ‘He has a name?’ ‘Wow, awesome!’ Ty breathed. ‘Will he bite?’ ‘Only if you poke him or try to pick him up.’ ‘Can we take our cake outside, Auntie Tess?’ With a laugh, Tess assented. She watched as they left the room and her chest burned. If only Sarah could see them now. If only— ‘You okay?’ She jumped, swung back patting her chest. ‘Tired,’ she said. She sat and forced a smile. She’d become good at that over the last couple of months—smiling when she didn’t feel like it—but she could see it didn’t fool Cam. She shrugged. ‘They’ve been through so much, but for this moment they’re happy and…and that’s no small thing.’ He stared towards the front of the house and then glanced back at her. ‘They’re great kids, Tess.’ She nodded. ‘They really are.’ And they deserved so much more than life had dished out to them. Focusing on the negatives wouldn’t help anyone, though—least of all Ty and Krissie. She sipped tea. Cam had made a pot while she’d sliced the cake. It was the best tea she’d ever tasted. She lifted her cup. ‘This is seriously good.’ ‘My mother was the president of the Country Women’s Association for a hundred years. Believe me, she made sure her sons knew how to brew a proper pot of tea.’ She made a mental note to join the CWA. But for the moment…‘You want to tell me why you’re still so worried about your forty hectares?’ His eyes widened a fraction, but he held her gaze with a steadiness she found disconcerting. ‘I had a contract drawn up. I need you to sign it before I can start planting.’ He whipped out a sheaf of papers, literally from thin air as far as her tired brain could tell. He flicked through to the final page and pointed. ‘I need your signature here.’ He handed her a pen. She lowered her cup back to its saucer and dropped her hands to her lap. ‘I’m not signing anything I haven’t read.’ ‘Fair enough.’ He placed the contract in front of her and leaned back. ‘And I’m not reading it now when I’m so tired.’ He frowned. ‘And if there’s something I don’t understand, I’ll be consulting my solicitor for clarification.’ He was silent for a long moment and the silence should’ve sawn on her nerves, but it didn’t. After a day of chatter and noise in the confines of the car, the silence was heaven. ‘You don’t trust me,’ he finally said, nodding as if that made perfect sense. ‘I don’t know you. Once upon a time I’d have been prepared to take spur-of-the-moment risks and trust my gut instincts, but I won’t now Tyler and Krissie are in my care.’ She leant towards him. ‘Are you saying you trust me?’ She waved a hand in the direction of the back door and his precious forty hectares. ‘By all means start planting tomorrow. I’ll keep my word. I’ll get the contract back to you by the middle of next week.’ His lips twisted but his eyes danced. ‘Nope, don’t trust you as far as I could throw you.’ Given his size and the breadth of his shoulders, she had a feeling he could throw her a long way if he so chose. This time it was he who leaned in towards her, and that fresh-cut-grass scent danced around her and it was almost as relaxing as silence. ‘But I do need to get started on the planting soon if I’m to meet my obligations.’ ‘I promise not to drag my feet.’ She wanted to be on good terms with her neighbours and the townsfolk of Bellaroo Creek. She just had to make sure she didn’t risk the children’s futures in her eagerness to fit in. Without thinking, she reached out and touched his hand. He immediately stiffened and she snatched her hand back, her heart suddenly thundering in her ears. ‘I, uh…You said you’d bring your dog around to meet the children. Why don’t you aim to do that tomorrow morning some time—say, ten o’clock? I’ll try and have your contract read by then.’ ‘If you need more time…’ Her pulse rate refused to slow. ‘No, no, it’s obvious that time is of the essence. Besides, the kids will no doubt be up early and we have a midday meet-and-greet luncheon at the community hall, so I should have plenty of time in the morning to go over this contract of yours.’ He rose in one swift motion. ‘I’ll see you at ten.’ And then he was gone. She heard him say goodbye to the children. She supposed she should’ve followed him to the door to wave him off, but the strength had leached from her legs and she found herself momentarily incapable of even rising from her chair. She’d spent nearly ten hours in the car today. She was dog-tired. She’d just turned her entire life on its head—hers and the children’s. And if this move didn’t work out… She shook that thought off. This move had to work out. In the meantime, she refused to allow her sexy neighbour to unsettle her. She frowned. He wasn’t sexy. She glanced at her empty plate, and then at Cam’s and realised he hadn’t touched his cake—he hadn’t even broken off the tiniest corner. She hadn’t been hungry for the last three months—ever since she’d received the phone call informing her of Sarah’s car accident. But now… She stared at the cake. She pulled the plate towards her and then poured another cup of tea. She devoured both, slowly, relishing every single delicious mouthful. The children made instant friends with Boomer, Cam’s border collie. ‘Will he fetch a ball?’ Ty asked, pulling a tennis ball from his pocket. Cam’s mouth angled up in a lopsided smile as he surveyed Ty and Krissie and their barely concealed eagerness. ‘Believe me, he’ll fetch for longer than you’ll be prepared to throw.’ With whoops of delight, the children raced around the backyard with Boomer at their heels. He had a way of smiling at her kids—and, yes, somewhere in the last month she’d started thinking of them as hers—that could melt a woman where she stood. ‘Morning,’ he finally said, the green of his eyes strangely undiluted in the mid-morning sun. ‘It will be,’ she countered, ‘if you’ll teach me the trick to making a perfect pot of tea.’ He laughed and it was only then she saw that while his eyes might be the purest of greens, shadows lurked in their depths. Shadows momentarily dispelled when he laughed. He followed her into the kitchen. ‘One demonstration coming up.’ He should laugh more often. ‘Jug’s just boiled,’ she said, shaking the odd thought aside. Cam might well laugh a hundred times every single day for all she knew. ‘Did you fill the jug using hot or cold water?’ ‘Hot. It makes it come to the boil faster.’ ‘There’s your first mistake.’ He poured the contents of the jug down the sink and refilled it from the cold tap. ‘Cold water has more oxygen than hot. That’s key for the perfect cuppa.’ She sat and stared. ‘Well, who’d have known that?’ Other than a chemistry professor. And a president of the CWA… and her sons. He sat too, his eyes twinkling for the briefest of moments. ‘It’s important to be properly trained in country ways.’ ‘I never doubted it for a moment.’ She leapt up to glance out of the kitchen window to make sure the children were okay. When she swung back she could’ve sworn he’d been checking out her backside. His gaze slid away. Her heart thumped. She’d imagined it. She must’ve imagined it. She frowned, scratched a hand through her hair and tried to think of something to say. ‘Did you get a chance to read the contract?’ Of course she’d imagined it, but the shadows were back in his eyes with a vengeance and it left a bitter taste in her mouth, though for the life of her she couldn’t explain why. ‘Yes.’ She took her seat again. ‘And?’ The contract had been remarkably straightforward. It hadn’t asked her to give up her firstborn or sign her rights away to the house and the acre block it stood on. It simply requested she sign over the attached forty hectares of land and to waive her rights to any profits he accrued from the use of the land. Except… On the table, one of his hands tightened. ‘You have a problem?’ She hauled in a breath and nodded. ‘I do.’ ‘You want more money for the lease?’ She hated the derisive light that entered his eyes. She pushed the contract towards him. ‘I made my amendment in black ink. That’s what I’m prepared to sign.’ Blowing out a breath, he pulled the contract towards him and flipped through the pages to the end. And then he stilled and rubbed his forehead. ‘You don’t want any payment at all?’ She rubbed her hands up and down her arms. What kind of people was he used to dealing with? ‘Of course I don’t want any payment! I’m not entitled to any payment. Rightfully the land is yours. If you want to pay anyone a fee for leasing the land, then pay your mother.’ He sat back. ‘I’ve offended you.’ Why did the wonder in his voice suddenly make her want to cry? Since Sarah’s death, the silliest, most unexpected things could make her cry. ‘You will if you keep going on in that vein.’ Her voice came out husky and choked. His gaze lowered to her mouth and it gave her a moment to study him. He had a strong jaw and lean lips and she couldn’t tear her eyes away. She could keep telling herself that he wasn’t sexy, but he was. His eyes darkened. A pulse throbbed in her bottom lip, swelling it and making it ache. The heat in the air between them sizzled with such unmistakable intensity it made her head whirl. With an oath, Cam pushed away from the table. He seized the teapot and started making tea. She closed her eyes. She’d been surrounded by death, preoccupied with it. Life wanted to reassert itself. This—her body’s rebellion at her common-sense strictures—was normal. The explanation didn’t make the pounding in her blood lessen any, but it did start to clear the fog encasing her brain. She jumped when Cam set a mug of tea in front of her, his face a mask. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you. I’m just used to paying my own way.’ She wasn’t. Not really. Her cold realisation dissipated the last of the heat. She’d always relied on staff or assistants to take care of her day-to-day needs. But she could learn. She was learning. He hooked out his chair again and sat. ‘A free ride feels wrong.’ ‘It’s not a free ride. A free ride is if I also did the planting for you. You’d discussed that land with your mother. You had her permission to use it. Like you said, the fact it ended up on my lease agreement was simply an error or an oversight. Cameron, I have no plans for that land. I’m not losing out on anything.’ He didn’t say anything. ‘Besides, don’t knock a free ride. I’m getting one—a dollar a week rent! Who’d have thought that was possible?’ His lips turned upwards, but it wasn’t really a smile. ‘You’ve brought two school-age children into the area. You’re boosting the school’s numbers and increasing its chances of remaining open. The town will think it a very good swap.’ Speaking of children…She rose and went to the window again to check on them. She laughed at what she saw. ‘Are you sure they won’t wear Boomer out?’ ‘I’m positive.’ He eyed her as she took her seat again. ‘They are safe with him. I promise.’ ‘Oh! Of course they are. I didn’t mean…’ She could feel herself starting to colour under his stare. The thing was, most days she felt as if she didn’t know a darn thing about parenting at all. Maybe she did fuss a little too much, worry too much, but surely that was better than not fussing enough. That was when the idea hit her. He leant towards her, his eyes wary. ‘What?’ She surveyed him over the rim of her mug. ‘You’re obviously not very comfortable with me just handing the land back to you.’ ‘You could make a tidy profit from the lease.’ ‘Believe me, the one thing I don’t need to worry about is money.’ Sarah had seen to that. ‘But maybe,’ she started slowly, allowing the idea to develop more fully in her mind, ‘we could do a kind of swap. I’ll give you the land…’ ‘In exchange for what?’ She rose and went to the window again. She loved those kids. Just how fiercely amazed her. She’d do anything for them. Anything. And what she needed to do most was provide them with a positive start here in Bellaroo Creek. Cam stared at Tess as she peered out of the kitchen window again. She had a stillness and a straightness, even when agitated, that he found intriguing. And she had the cutest little butt he’d ever seen. There’d probably been a hint of its perfect roundness in her tartan skirt yesterday if he’d been looking, but there was no hiding it in a pair of fitted jeans that hugged every curve with enviable snugness. And today he was definitely looking! For heaven’s sake, he was male. Men looked at—and appreciated—the female form. It was how they were wired. It didn’t mean anything. But he hadn’t looked at a woman in that way since Fiona, and— With a scowl, he dragged his gaze away. He needed to keep on task. Tess was proposing a deal of sorts. He glanced up to find her watching him, her brow furrowed as if she couldn’t figure him out. Not that he blamed her. ‘You can take the contract and run,’ she said. She walked back to the table, seized the contract, signed and dated it and then handed it back to him. ‘Nothing more needs to be said. I don’t believe you’re beholden to me, not one jot.’ Honour kept him in his seat. Tess hadn’t taken advantage of the situation as she could’ve done. As Lance and Fiona would’ve done. He did his best to clear the scowl from his face. She’d been reasonable and…generous. ‘What kind of bargain were you going to propose, Tess?’ ‘I want to make moving to Bellaroo Creek a really positive experience for Ty and Krissie.’ She hadn’t needed to say that out loud. He could see how much it meant to her. He wanted to tell her how much he admired her for it, but he didn’t. He didn’t want her to think he’d mean anything more by it than simple admiration. Because he wouldn’t. ‘But frankly I’m clueless.’ That snapped him back. ‘About?’ She lifted her arms and let them drop. ‘Everything! I didn’t even know that was a lemon tree and yet you heard all our plans for it.’ Something inside him unhitched. ‘I don’t know the first thing about keeping chickens, but Krissie has her heart set on it. I expect I need a…a hutch or something.’ ‘Henhouse.’ ‘See? I don’t even have the right vocabulary. And what about a vegetable garden? Other than supposing there’s a lot of digging involved, I haven’t the foggiest idea where to start.’ She frowned. ‘I expect I’ll need compost.’ And, suddenly, Cam found himself laughing. ‘Believe me, Tess, the one thing we aren’t short of in Bellaroo Creek is compost.’ She gripped her hands on the table in front of her and leant towards him. ‘Plus I need to get Ty a puppy, but is a puppy and chickens a seriously bad combination?’ ‘They don’t have to be.’ He leaned across and covered both of her hands with one of his own. She stiffened and he remembered the way he’d stiffened at her touch yesterday and was about to remove his hand when she relaxed. Her hands felt small and cold and instead of retreating he found his hand urging warmth into hers instead. ‘So you want help building a henhouse and a veggie patch, and in selecting a dog?’ ‘It has to be a puppy. Apparently that’s very important.’ Cam understood that. He nodded. ‘And maybe some help choosing chickens?’ She winced as if she were asking too much, but it was all a piece of cake as far as he was concerned. ‘Tess, helping you with that stuff is nothing more than being neighbourly.’ The townsfolk of Bellaroo Creek would have his hide if he didn’t offer her that kind of support. Though—his lips twisted—he expected there’d be quite a few single farmers in the area who wouldn’t mind offering her any kind of help whatsoever. ‘Then…maybe we can agree to being good neighbours. That’s something else I can learn to do.’ He frowned, but before he could say anything she leapt up to glance out of the window again. ‘And until I manage to get one of my own, may I borrow your lawnmower?’ ‘Done.’ She swung around and beamed at him. ‘Thank you. Now watch me as I make a fresh pot of tea to make sure I’m doing it right.’ She had the kind of smile—when she really smiled—that could blow a man clean out of his boots. Mentally, he pulled his boots up harder and tighter. ‘Why can’t Cam come to our party?’ Excellent question. Tess glanced briefly in the rear-view mirror to give Krissie an encouraging smile. ‘He said he had lots of work to do.’ ‘I bet he had to take time off work to bring Boomer around to play,’ Ty said from the seat beside her. It was his turn in the front. ‘His farm is really big, isn’t it?’ ‘Six thousand hectares is what he said.’ And Cameron didn’t strike her as the bragging type. He was definitely the state-plain-facts type. ‘Which I think is really, really big.’ ‘So he probably has loads and loads of work to do.’ Was that admiration or wistfulness in Ty’s voice? She couldn’t tell. A mother would know. She gulped. ‘Good thinking, Ty, I expect you’re right.’ His chest puffed out at her simple praise. Blinking hard, she concentrated on the road in front of her. It only took three minutes to drive from their front door to the community hall in Bellaroo Creek’s tiny main street. Across from the hall stood a row of late-Victorian townhouses—tall, straight, eye-catching, but with all their windows boarded up. Whatever businesses had operated from them were long gone. Once upon a time the town had been prosperous. Tess crossed her fingers. Hopefully they could help make the town prosperous again. Unhooking her seat belt, she turned to the children. ‘Ready?’ They watched her so carefully. She knew they’d take their every cue from her. The realisation made her swallow. She had to get this just right. Krissie leaned forward. ‘Is this party really just for us?’ ‘It sure is, chickadee. Everyone is dying to meet us. They’re so excited we’ve come to live in Bellaroo Creek.’ ‘What if they don’t like us?’ she whispered. Tess feigned shock. ‘Do you really think they won’t like me?’ Krissie giggled. ‘Not you, silly.’ ‘They’ll love you,’ Ty announced. She knew what he was really saying was that he loved her and it made her heart swell and her eyes sting. ‘And I absolutely promise that they’ll love the two of you too.’ They stared at her with their identical brown eyes—eyes the same as Sarah’s. They trusted her so much! She racked her brain to think of a way to make this easier for them. ‘You know,’ she started, ‘it can be a bit awkward making new friends at first, and I bet they’re just as worried that we should like them too.’ She could see that thought hadn’t occurred to either child. ‘Sometimes it helps to have something ready to talk about. So…when you’re talking to someone today you might like to ask them what their favourite thing about living in Bellaroo Creek is, or if they have a dog, or if they keep chickens.’ Both children’s faces cleared immediately. ‘Ooh!’ She clapped her hands. ‘I could send you both on a quest to find out what everyone thinks would be the best vegetables to grow in our backyard.’ Ty squinted up at her. ‘Because that’s important, right?’ ‘Vital,’ she assured him. He grinned. ‘And you could find out how to make Cam’s mum’s cake.’ She pointed a finger at him. ‘Excellent idea!’ She straightened her shirt. ‘And I’m going to remember to smile nicely at everyone and remember to say please and thank you in all the right places. Ready?’ The children nodded. They tumbled out of the car and, holding tight to each other’s hands, they entered the hall together. Tess blinked. There had to be at least thirty people in here! As well as one seriously long trestle table covered with more sandwiches, pies, quiches, cakes, slices and biscuits than Tess had seen altogether in one place. The sight of all that food, and all those faces, made her head spin. A hush fell over the crowd. Thirty people, and yet for one craven moment she’d have given anything to swap ten of them for the familiar reassuring bulk of Cameron Manning. Which was crazy because she didn’t know Cameron well enough for him to be either familiar or reassuring. But so far Bellaroo Creek consisted of their farmhouse, their lemon tree and Cameron. All these people will become your community, your friends, too. First-day nerves, that was all that this was. Taking a deep breath, Tess beamed about the room. ‘Hi, I’m Tess, and this here is Ty and Krissie. We can’t tell you how happy we are to be in Bellaroo Creek and how much we’re looking forward to meeting everyone.’ A tall, straight woman detached herself from the crowd. ‘I’m Lorraine Pritchard, and we’re all absolutely delighted that you’ve joined our little community.’ And just like that the silence was replaced with a hubbub of voices, and the three of them were swept into the heart of the crowd. An older woman—Stacy Bennet, the schoolteacher—whisked Ty and Krissie off to join a small band of children, stopping by the refreshment table to make sure they armed themselves with a fairy cake each first, and thereby winning herself two friends for life. ‘The children will be fine with Stacy,’ Lorraine told her kindly. Of course they would. The same way they’d been fine with Boomer this morning. It was just…she hated losing sight of them, even for a moment. Telling herself to stop being so silly, she turned back to Lorraine. The older woman took her arm. ‘Come and meet everyone.’ It’d take her longer than a single afternoon to get everyone’s names straight in her mind, but they were all so friendly and kind with their welcomes and their offers of assistance to help her settle in that in under ten minutes Tess felt wrapped in warmth. The glimmer of light that had taken up residence in her heart the moment her application had been accepted now became a fully floodlit arena. She pressed her hands to her chest and blinked hard. A group of women surrounded her. One handed her a mug of tea, another handed her a plate piled high with food. They filled her in on what produce was available from the general store and how to set up an account there. They shared their favourite online sites for ordering in school supplies, work boots and make-up. When she asked, they told her the date for the next CWA meeting and promised to meet her there. Several men came up to her too. One to tell her he was her man if she ever decided to keep pigs. another to let her know he could help her set up her own home brew if she wanted. Another introduced himself as the soccer coach for the Bellaroo Creek under tens team and told her that both Ty and Krissie were welcome when training started up in another month. The entire town, it seemed, welcomed them with arms wide open and friendship in their hearts. Her earlier nerves suddenly seemed ludicrous. ‘How are you doing, dear?’ Lorraine said, coming up behind her. ‘I hope we haven’t overwhelmed you?’ ‘This is…’ Tess swallowed and gestured around the room. ‘It’s just something else. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it.’ ‘Nonsense! We wanted to welcome you to town in style. Now may I introduce my future daughter-in-law, Fiona?’ ‘Lovely to meet you.’ Tess balanced her mug on her plate and shook hands with the pretty young woman. They exchanged pleasantries for a couple of minutes before Fiona, with a glance back behind her, excused herself. Tess turned back to Lorraine. ‘Thank you so much for the cake you left yesterday. I can’t tell you how much we appreciated it after that long drive.’ ‘You’re welcome, my dear. I’m only sorry I couldn’t be there to greet you in person.’ ‘That’s okay, Cameron deputised honourably in your absence.’ Lorraine’s head shot up. ‘Cam?’ Two beats went by then, ‘Oh, I’m so glad to hear it.’ Her hand fluttered to her throat. ‘I’ve been meaning to ring him, but…Is he well?’ Tess thought about those broad shoulders and long legs and had to swallow. ‘He seemed very well.’ Lorraine leaned forward, her eyes eager. ‘Yes?’ She blinked. ‘Umm…I mean, he obviously works hard, but he brought Boomer around to meet the children this morning, which was kind of him.’ ‘Oh!’ Lorraine clapped her hands together, her eyes shining. ‘Oh, I’m so pleased to hear that.’ She was? She continued to stare at Tess as if eager to hear any news about Cam that Tess was willing to share. Tess lifted a shoulder. ‘There was a bit of a mix-up on the lease agreement, but we sorted it out.’ Lorraine stilled. ‘Mix-up?’ ‘Something about forty hectares that belong to Cam, or that he was supposed to be leasing from you or something like that, accidentally being on the lease agreement I signed.’ Lorraine paled. ‘Oh…no. Are you sure?’ Tess stilled then too because it was evident that something was wrong. Very wrong. She wanted to ask what it was but manners prevented her. She rolled her shoulders. ‘Perhaps I shouldn’t have mentioned it.’ She forced a wide smile, wanting to ease the other woman’s evident anxiety. ‘But I promise we sorted it out. He’s happy with the outcome and so am I.’ A breath shuddered out of the older woman and she sent Tess a smile that signalled her relief. ‘I’m very, very glad to hear that. If you see him, please give him my love.’ ‘Of course.’ But…why didn’t Lorraine give Cam her love in person? Lorraine stared beyond Tess and suddenly straightened. ‘Would you excuse me for a moment, Tess? I—’ Before she could move, however, a man Tess hadn’t met charged up and kissed Lorraine’s cheek, before turning to survey Tess. ‘Would you introduce me to Bellaroo Creek’s newest resident?’ Lorraine bit her lip. Finally she shook her head and said, ‘Tess, this is my son, Lance.’ Cameron’s brother? Tess hastily set her plate and mug on a nearby table and extended her hand. ‘I’m very pleased to meet you.’ He was prettier than Cameron with his blond good looks and golden tan, but neither his size nor his presence was anywhere near as commanding. He grinned at her. He had one of those infectious kinds of grins. ‘Oh, ho! The single farmers in the district are sure going to be pleased to meet you.’ She laughed. And he had an easy charm his older brother totally lacked. She’d met men like Lance before—full of fun, but often not much else. On closer inspection, though, the colour was high on his cheeks and she couldn’t help feeling his joviality was forced. ‘It’s great to meet you, Tess. Welcome to Bellaroo Creek.’ ‘Thank you.’ ‘And as I’m not the kind of man to let the grass grow under my feet…’ Really? She didn’t believe that for one moment. ‘I’d like to talk business with you.’ The hair at her nape prickled. She folded her arms. ‘Oh?’ ‘Lance.’ Lorraine laid a hand on his arm. ‘This is neither the time nor the place.’ He shook off his mother’s touch. ‘Of course it is.’ He bounced on the balls of his feet, a fine sheen of perspiration filming his top lip and his forehead. ‘Now I understand, Tess, that you have forty prime hectares on your allotment that are just going begging. I want to make you an offer you can’t refuse.’ Several groups nearby stopped talking and turned to listen. Others moved forward. ‘Oh, Lance, I can’t believe this of you!’ Lorraine hissed. ‘I think—’ He held up a hand, his eyes glittering. ‘I’d like to lease that land from you at very generous terms.’ Someone nearby snorted. Lance ignored it, but Lorraine’s hand fluttered about her throat. ‘Lance, please,’ she whispered. He rocked back on his heels. ‘What do you say, Tess?’ That was when she realised thirty pairs of eyes watched her closely, waiting to see what she’d say, and instinct told her whatever she did or said now would seal her, Ty and Krissie’s fate in Bellaroo Creek, for good or ill. And she didn’t know what would work for or against them. She swallowed. She hadn’t done anything wrong. All she could do was offer Lance the truth. ‘I’m sorry, Lance, but I signed a contract this morning leasing that land to Cameron. I understood he had a right to it.’ Cameron was his brother. Surely Lance would be happy for him? Lance stared at her, the blood draining from his face. ‘But…I need that land more than he does. I need that canola contract.’ ‘Cam’s spent the last two years improving that land,’ somebody from the crowd said. He had? ‘Yeah, back off, Lance. Cam’s earned the right to that land,’ someone else called out. Lance swung back to Tess, his face twisting and his eyes wild with panic. ‘You’ve ruined me. You and Cam both.’ His voice rose on each word. ‘It’s what he wants, and you’ve been party to that!’ He stiffened. ‘I hope you’re happy?’ Happy? She was appalled! One of the older farmers muttered, ‘One can hardly blame Cam for that.’ He lifted his voice. ‘And it’s sure as heck not Tess’s fault. So like Stuart said, back off, Lance.’ Lance pointed a finger at her. Tess swallowed. She opened her mouth just as Ty came barrelling up, shaking, his small hands clenched to fists. ‘Don’t you yell at my auntie Tess!’ Bursting into tears, Krissie hurled herself at her aunt. Tess scooped her up and held her close, dangerously close to tears herself. Fiona raced up and took Lance’s arm. With an apologetic glance at Tess, she led him away. Lorraine turned to her, pale, her hands shaking. ‘Oh, Tess, I’m so sorry. I—’ Hauling Ty in close to her side, she said, ‘Just give me a moment,’ before leading the children to a quiet corner where she tried to quieten Krissie’s sobs. Not easy when her insides were quivering and all she wanted to do was drop her head and cry too. The luncheon had been so perfect. She’d started to feel like a part of the community. She’d thought everything was going to work out exactly as she needed it to. And then, bam! Her head reeled. She found it hard to catch her breath. She closed her eyes and dragged air into her lungs. ‘Shh, honey.’ She rubbed Krissie’s back. ‘Everything is okay.’ It would be okay. She’d make sure it’d be okay. A setback, that was all this was. ‘Why was that man angry?’ Krissie hiccupped. ‘It’s not so much that he was angry as he was upset. He’s very worried about some things.’ Her whole body shuddered. ‘Is he going to hurt us?’ ‘No, honey, he’s not.’ She hugged Krissie close and then touched Ty’s cheek. He was so quiet. ‘I promise. Okay?’ ‘’Kay,’ he murmured. ‘The man was being very silly and we don’t need to worry about him at all.’ She prayed they’d believe her, that they trusted her enough. Time for a brave face. ‘You know what I need?’ she whispered. ‘A lamington. Are there any?’ ‘Ones with cream in them.’ ‘Ooh, yum.’ She made her eyes wide. ‘Let’s go look.’ They each selected a lamington, they each took a bite, and then Tess caught Stacy’s eye. ‘Don’t forget,’ she whispered before the teacher reached them, ‘I need the names of vegetables.’ They were laughing again by the time they reached the group of other children. Tess didn’t doubt there’d be more questions tonight, but for now things were fine. She moved back towards Lorraine and the group of women who surrounded her. ‘Are the littlies okay?’ one of the women asked her. Tess hesitated, her gaze darting back to the circle of children. ‘I think so.’ She swallowed. She’d given an account of Ty and Krissie’s circumstances in her application letter. Not a full account, perhaps, but full enough. She didn’t doubt that everyone in the room knew about the death of their parents. ‘It’s just that they’ve been through so much in such a short space of time…Little things can unduly upset them.’ ‘An angry man isn’t a little thing. Especially when you’re five years old.’ Tess had to close her eyes for a moment. An angry man. The shaking started back up inside her. Lorraine touched her arm. ‘I can’t tell you how sorry I am, Tess. Lance has a lot on his mind at the moment, but that doesn’t excuse his behaviour.’ Lorraine was obviously appalled. ‘It wasn’t your fault.’ But…She twisted her hands together. ‘Is there anything I ought to know?’ The women surrounding them discreetly melted away, leaving Tess and Lorraine alone. Lorraine gripped her hands together. ‘Cameron and Lance have had the most dreadful falling out, Tess. They haven’t spoken to each other in over ten months.’ Ten months! Lorraine’s eyes filled with tears. ‘I…I certainly didn’t expect any of that fallout to land in your lap, though. I’m absolutely mortified.’ The older woman’s heartache tugged at her. But…‘That forty hectares?’ she whispered. Lorraine blinked hard and swallowed. ‘I knew nothing about it, I promise.’ The shaking inside her started to slow. ‘Tess, I can’t tell you how sorry—’ She reached out to clasp the other woman’s hands. ‘There’s no need to apologise further, Lorraine.’ She had no desire to make things even harder for the other woman. Especially when she’d gone to so much trouble to welcome them to town so warmly. ‘Let’s forget about it.’ She made herself smile and then turned to check on Ty and Krissie again. She prayed there hadn’t been any permanent harm done there. ‘Honey.’ Lorraine moved in close so they were touching shoulders. ‘I understand your concern. Your Ty and Krissie have had a lot to deal with, but…children are remarkably resilient, you know?’ She gave a shaky laugh. ‘Are they?’ She didn’t have a clue. ‘Yes, I promise. And I promise they’ll be okay. All you can do is love them the best you can…as you obviously do. All of us here in Bellaroo Creek will do our best to become a second family to them. It’ll all work out in the end.’ The other women, who’d moved back in closer, all nodded and murmured their agreement. They made it sound so easy. Why, then, was it proving so very, very hard? CHAPTER THREE (#ulink_68b10b3b-56d9-5b96-8d82-a2ddacaf238c) CAM WENT TO knock on Tess’s front door, but the sound of voices out the back had him redirecting his path around the side of the house. Tess, Ty and Krissie all sat on a bright blue rug beside the lemon tree. They sat in a row—Tess in the middle—with legs stretched out in front of them and their backs to the sun, and him. The scene hit him in a place he’d thought he’d locked up for good. For three beats of his heart a gnawing, ragged ache threatened to split him open. Reaching out, he steadied himself against the boards of the house. He’d dreamed of being part of a picture like this once. Ten short months ago, in fact, though it seemed like a lifetime ago now. A family. His jaw clenched. Lance and Fiona had stolen this from him. A boulder of a lump stretched his throat. His temples pounded. No! He refused to be beguiled by this dream again. He would never again open himself up to the kind of betrayal Lance and Fiona had inflicted upon him. Filling Kurrajong House with a family, that had all been a ludicrous, out-of-reach dream. He’d found that out the hard way, just like his father. Unlike his father, however, he had no intention of burying himself on Kurrajong Station and stewing in ‘what might have beens’ and regrets, and waiting for death to come claim him. He’d fill the gaps somehow. He went to swing away, to retrace his steps to the privacy and solitude of Kurrajong where he could wipe this picture from his mind and replace it with his plans for Africa and adventure, but Ty chose that moment to look up at his aunt. In profile Cam recognised the little boy’s frown and the way it changed his entire demeanour. Noted the hunching of his shoulders and the way he curled himself around his knees. Very slowly, Cam turned back. ‘What if this isn’t a good place?’ Tess tousled his hair, and, although he couldn’t see her face, he knew detail for detail the smile she’d have sent the young boy. ‘How can this not be a good place? Look, we have a lemon tree and sultana cake.’ She gestured to the tree and then the plate that shared the blanket with them. Ty’s frown didn’t abate. Tess’s shoulders started to tighten. ‘And what about all the nice people we met yesterday? Cam’s mum, Mrs Pritchard, was lovely and she gave me her sultana cake recipe. Plus you guys were great and we now have the names for all the vegetables we should plant in our veggie garden. And what about Mrs Bennet? You both told me she’s the nicest teacher in the world.’ ‘Yeah.’ Ty grabbed a dandelion out of the lawn and shredded it. ‘Suzie was nice,’ Krissie volunteered, ‘even if she thinks chickens are boring. She said we could come and play in her pool in the summer.’ ‘Nice.’ Tess drew the word out, injecting it with what Cam supposed was the appropriate amount of enthusiasm. ‘Mikey and Ryan have dogs,’ Ty said, but there wasn’t a fleck of enthusiasm in his voice. Cam shifted his weight. What the hell…? ‘What if bad men keep yelling at us?’ Krissie blurted out. ‘Chickadee, that man yesterday wasn’t bad.’ She gave Krissie a one-armed hug. ‘Like I said before, he was upset, that’s all. And remember, people yell for lots of different reasons.’ ‘You don’t yell,’ Ty said. ‘Believe me, if I saw one of Cam’s sheep in my veggie patch, I’d be yelling my head off!’ Neither child laughed. ‘But that man yelled at you!’ Ty burst out. Someone had yelled at Tess? Cam stiffened. He stepped into the yard. ‘Howdy, gang.’ Both children immediately swung around, fear frozen on their faces. Cold, hard anger lanced through him because then he knew—someone had hurt these kids, had frightened them, and he wanted to find out who it was and tear them from limb to limb. ‘Hey, Cam, nice to see you.’ Behind the children’s backs, Tess mouthed, Smile at him, and it suddenly hit him how intimidating he must appear to these two small kids. He forced his face to relax into a kind of half grin, although his blood burned and the surface of his skin prickled. ‘You guys have the nicest spot in the sun. Mind if I join you?’ ‘We’d like that.’ Tess shuffled over. Both children remained glued to her side. ‘Want some sultana cake?’ He glanced at the plate, hunger rumbled through him, but he shook his head. ‘Did you bring Boomer?’ Ty asked. Cam kicked himself for not bringing the dog. ‘Sorry, mate, I didn’t. I left Boomer in charge of the sheep.’ ‘That is one smart dog,’ Tess said, and Cam watched as the worst of the fear and shadows slowly drained from Ty’s and Krissie’s faces. ‘I just dropped by to talk lawnmowers. I have a ride-on and thought I might whizz it around this place tomorrow if that suited you.’ Tess shook her head, her hair so dark and her skin so golden it made him ache in familiar and unfamiliar ways. ‘Oh, no, you don’t, Cameron Manning. I can mow my own lawn, thank you very much. Though, a lesson in how to operate your ride-on would be greatly appreciated.’ It was obviously important to her to do it herself. He bit down on his urge to argue with her, although it chafed at him. He nodded. ‘Right.’ ‘Woo hoo!’ She punched the air. ‘I get to use a ride-on mower. How much fun will that be?’ Krissie finally smiled. ‘So how did yesterday’s luncheon go?’ He rested back on his hands, deliberately casual. ‘Ooh.’ Tess rubbed her hands together. ‘There must’ve been thirty people there.’ ‘It was a Saturday. Everyone would’ve made an effort.’ Ty scowled. ‘You didn’t.’ ‘No,’ he agreed. ‘But I really wish I had.’ And he meant it. His stomach suddenly rolled. Why hadn’t he gone? Eleven months ago he’d have been there. But since Lance and Fiona…Nausea burned his throat. Despite all his precautions he was turning into a recluse like his father. No! He snapped the thought off. He was leaving Bellaroo Creek so he didn’t turn into his father. He’d forge a new life for himself—an involved and engaging life. The kind of life he couldn’t have in Bellaroo Creek. Still…The idea of socialising had become anathema and he’d buried himself in station work, rarely going into town. None of that changed the fact that he wished he’d attended yesterday’s luncheon. Who had yelled at Tess and spooked the kids? ‘A bad man yelled at Auntie Tess,’ Krissie confided. ‘Who?’ Ty scowled again. ‘His name was Lance and we don’t know if we want to live here any more.’ Lance? He flicked a glance at Tess and a hand reached inside his chest to wring his heart. The raw grief in her eyes as she surveyed the children made his jaw ache. She glanced up, caught his gaze and tried to smile, but he saw the effort it cost her. That was when he realised she couldn’t speak for the tears blocking her throat, and he sensed that crying in front of the children was the last thing she wanted. And probably the last thing either Ty or Krissie needed. ‘Oh, Lance!’ he pshawed. ‘You don’t have to worry about Lance.’ Krissie bit her lip. ‘He’s not a bad man?’ He was a black-hearted traitor, but Cam had enough justice in him still to know Lance would be horrified to find he’d become a bogey man to these kids. ‘Nah, he’s all hot air, you know? He makes a lot of noise, but he wouldn’t hurt a fly. I should know, because he’s my little brother.’ Relief rushed into both the children’s faces and it hit him then how much these kids trusted him. He didn’t know how or why—whether it was a carry-over from all of Tess’s positivity when they’d arrived on Friday, or because he’d brought Boomer over to play, or the fact he knew Old Nelson the blue-tongue lizard, but it made his chest cramp. He couldn’t let these kids rely on him too much. He was their neighbour, nothing more. But instinct told him he’d need to tread carefully—these kids needed kid-glove handling. He ached to quiz them more about Lance—why he had yelled at Tess—but the kids needed to take their minds off yesterday’s incident. They needed to remember the good things about living in Bellaroo Creek. They needed to be allowed to get on with their fresh start without fear and setbacks. ‘Now I don’t know if this will be agreeable to you guys or not, but because I worked so hard yesterday, and because Boomer’s taking care of things today, I get to take the rest of today off.’ He rubbed his chin and pursed his lips as if in a pretence of thought. ‘So I was thinking you might like to go and check out some chickens and puppies.’ All three faces on the blanket before him lit up. He immediately tried to temper their enthusiasm. ‘Today we only look because these things take a lot of careful thought and planning. It’s a big responsibility to own an animal and you need to be very sure that the choice you make is the right one for you, you understand?’ All three heads nodded in unison. It struck him how young Tess was—she couldn’t be much older than twenty-five. Too young for taking on all the responsibility she had. Ty jumped up. ‘Can we leave right now?’ He suppressed a grin at the young boy’s eagerness. ‘You’ll need time to get ready. I’ll pick you up in an hour. Promise you’ll be ready?’ ‘Yes!’ Both children raced indoors and Tess laughed. She actually laughed as she watched them and it lightened the unexplained weight that had settled across his shoulders. To see pleasure in her face instead of fear and grief… She leapt to her feet. He rose more slowly, finding it suddenly difficult to catch his breath. She grabbed his arm, reached up on tiptoe and kissed his cheek. ‘I could kiss you, Cameron! Thank you.’ He went to point out that she’d done exactly that, but he couldn’t push a single sound out of his throat. He went to tell her to call him Cam, but his full name sounded so bewitching on those charming lips of hers, he found himself saying nothing at all. And then she hugged him—hard and fierce—and it knocked the sense and the breath clean out of his body. Every sweet curve Tess possessed pressed against him, and his body soaked up her warmth and vigour. It brought him to aching life and sent a surge of primitive hunger racing through him with the swiftness of a rabbit startled in the undergrowth. A wildfire licked along his veins…carrying the same danger that fire did out here in the bush. Reason screamed at him to move away. Instead, one of his arms snaked around her waist and he pulled her in closer, hugged her back. His hand rested against the top of her hip. He wanted to move his hand lower, he wanted to mould her against him, wanted her soft and pliant and… He felt rather than heard her quick intake of breath. She stiffened. A heartbeat passed. A heartbeat in which the fire raging through him threatened all of his control, and then she softened against him. He let his hand drift down to cup her bottom and lift it against him. She arched into him. He groaned. He couldn’t help it. Her hands drifted down his chest, her face lifted to his, her eyes soft and her lips parted. He wanted to taste her. He wanted to explore the fullness of her bottom lip and— For God’s sake, she hugged you out of gratitude. She wasn’t inviting you to maul her like some low-life sleaze! He recalled the raw pain he’d witnessed in her eyes a moment before and, rather than snap away, he eased her out of his arms gently. ‘Sorry, Tess.’ His voice came out raspy and hoarse. ‘I forgot myself for a moment.’ She blinked twice before the mistiness cleared from her eyes. Her cheeks flushed bright red. ‘Oh! I—’ She swung away. ‘You and me both. I’m sorry. It’s been an emotional morning.’ He shrugged and tried to appear as casual for her as he had for the children earlier. ‘No harm done.’ She turned back to him. ‘No harm done,’ she echoed, her eyes searching his to test that truth. They both stood there awkwardly until she glanced at her watch. ‘So you’ll be back at around eleven?’ He snapped to and nodded. ‘Should I pack a picnic?’ She smiled impishly and everything slowly returned to normal—the colour of the sky, the sound of birdsong, the racing of his pulse. ‘You wouldn’t believe how much food there was at yesterday’s do. And somehow most of the leftovers ended up in my car.’ He stared at her lips—they were more plum than rose. Hunger stretched through him as he took in the fullness of her bottom lip. His pulse began to race again. ‘Sounds great,’ he said, backing up. ‘I’ll see you in a while.’ He shot around the house and back towards his homestead. It occurred to him that burying himself out on his station for the last ten months might not have been the wisest course of action after all. Cam’s four-wheel-drive pulled up out the front and Tess hauled in a deep breath and locked the front door. Ty and Krissie raced towards the car with all the alacrity of children promised their heart’s desire. Cam had done that. He’d found the perfect way to remind them of all the exciting potential that living in Bellaroo Creek could bring. They’d gone from the doldrums to delight. But she should never have kissed him. She most certainly shouldn’t have hugged him. And yet, even now, her body throbbed with a primitive hunger. she yearned to explore each and every line of his powerful body—naked. She craved his hands on her again—gentle hands, knowing hands. Oh, so knowing. Her knees quivered before she could stop them. Enough of that! She kicked herself into action and moved down the path, sidestepping Old Nelson who currently sunned himself on the cement path. Cam met her at the gate to take the picnic basket from her. He searched her face. She let him—freely and openly. She searched his face too. It was amazing how much information they could convey to each other without a word. He liked how she looked, and he wanted her in the same way she wanted him, but… They both sighed and nodded at the same moment. Romance wasn’t on the cards for either of them. She didn’t know his reasons, but she knew her own. She’d been selfish her entire life—selfish and clueless—but not any more. I won’t let you down again, Sarah. I promise. ‘Where are we going?’ Krissie demanded the minute Cam started the car and eased it onto the road. ‘Our first stop is the O’Connell farm. Blue O’Connell has the best layers in the entire district. He has show chickens too. He takes out the blue ribbon every year at the Parkes agricultural show. What’s more, his black lab has had a litter of puppies.’ Ty started talking so fast Tess couldn’t understand a word he said. ‘Steady, buddy.’ Cam laughed. ‘We’ve also a litter of border collie pups—like Boomer—to check out as well as some poodles.’ When they reached the farm, the children literally launched themselves out of the car. They both jumped and danced—at least in Krissie’s case—and jumped and hopped—in Ty’s—with uncontained excitement. Tess watched them and something inside her swelled. To see their faces alive with hope instead of fear, to see them grinning at the unknown farmer who came to greet them rather than backing up towards her with suspicion clouding their eyes, lifted something inside her. To see them, for just one moment, truly happy. It made her want to weep. It made her hope. It made her think that coming to Bellaroo Creek had been the perfect plan after all. ‘Are you Mr O’Connell?’ Krissie asked. ‘That I am, little miss.’ ‘I’m Krissie.’ She walked right up to the farmer and held her hand out. ‘And we’re here to see your chickens.’ Sweet Lord, she must want a chicken badly. Ty hung back for all of five seconds before bursting forward as well. ‘And your puppies too.’ ‘Well, young folk, that’s something I can certainly accommodate. Come right this way.’ With a wink and a smile for Tess and Cam, he led the children towards the barn. ‘Are you okay?’ Cam asked, those green eyes of his seeming to plumb her soul. ‘Oh!’ She pressed both hands to her chest. ‘Oh, Cameron, I think they’re going to be fine after all.’ He tipped his hat back—a dusty, sweat-stained Akubra. ‘Why wouldn’t they be?’ She had to swallow before she could speak. ‘The last three months have been just awful. And…’ ‘And?’ Beneath her hand her heart pounded. ‘I didn’t know if they would ever be happy again,’ she whispered. ‘I didn’t know if I could help them be happy again, but…But your mum was right. Children are resilient.’ This was the beginning of the brand-new start she’d been hoping for. Now she just had to focus on keeping them all on an even keel and making sure they felt secure. ‘C’mon.’ He took her arm. ‘I have a feeling you need this as much as they do.’ They found Krissie sitting in a pen with the silliest piece of feathered nonsense that Tess had ever seen perched on her lap. It looked as if it should be worn on some posh hat for Melbourne’s Spring Carnival. Krissie raised her big brown eyes. ‘This one,’ she whispered, hope so alive in her face it stole Tess’s breath. Cam stiffened and opened his mouth. Tess dug her elbow in his ribs. ‘Can’t you see it’s true love?’ she murmured, leading him further into the depths of the barn. ‘But it’s a show chicken. It won’t lay a tuppence worth of eggs.’ ‘And yet Krissie doesn’t care…and neither do I.’ She wanted to sing! ‘Let’s find Ty.’ They found him being licked to within an inch of his life by six puppies. Cute, round, roly-poly puppies. When he saw Tess and Cam he picked one of the puppies up and clambered to his feet. He hitched up his chin. ‘I thought about it very long and hard,’ he vowed. ‘This is the absolutest, bestest puppy in the world for me. I don’t need to look any more.’ Cam’s mouth dropped open. ‘We were only supposed to look!’ But she’d started laughing. ‘Cameron, you have a lot to learn about children if you really thought all we were ever going to do today was just look.’ They went home with a chicken and a wire cage loaned to them by Mr O’Connell, a puppy, a dog basket, a collar and lead, and plenty of pet food. And their picnic. Tess set up a card table in the backyard to keep the food out of reach of their furred and feathered friends, and two camp chairs for her and Cam. Children and animals cheerfully settled on the blanket until they’d finished eating, and then Krissie and Ty set about introducing Fluffy and Barney to the backyard. Tess selected a pikelet liberally slathered in butter and jam and bit into it, closing her eyes for a moment to savour it. If she didn’t stop eating like this soon, she’d outgrow all her clothes. She took a second bite. ‘I can’t believe that chicken is following Krissie about as if it’s a dog.’ ‘I can’t believe you bought a White Bearded Silky instead of a Leghorn or a Rhode Island or…or anything that’s a proven layer. You know that thing is going to lay next to no eggs.’ She just grinned at him. ‘Have a piece of sultana cake.’ He had a piece of fruitcake instead. ‘And a black Labrador?’ He shook his head. ‘Labrador puppies are the cutest in the world.’ ‘They don’t stop being stupid until they’re about four years old. It’ll chew everything it can find, you know?’ ‘That’ll teach the kids to pick up after themselves. And while Barney may not prove to be the cleverest of dogs, I suspect he’s going to be loving and loyal.’ ‘He’ll never be a working dog.’ ‘We don’t need a working dog.’ She polished off her pikelet and licked her fingers. ‘Cameron, I know we’re breaking every rule of being proper country folk, but look how happy they are.’ She found herself grinning like an idiot. ‘How can that be a bad thing?’ He glanced at her and those green eyes of his softened. ‘It’s not, I guess. Not when you put it like that. I just can’t help feeling you’ve taken on more work than you realise. And I’m responsible for that. If I’d known earlier what would happen—’ ‘I’m glad you didn’t! You’re responsible for the kids remembering all the good things they wanted from our move to Bellaroo Creek. You’re responsible for them being happy that we moved here rather than afraid. Do you always focus on the negatives rather than the positives?’ He didn’t answer. His eyes had lowered to her mouth and there was absolutely nothing negative about his gaze. What if he had kissed her earlier? What would that have been like? She swallowed. Heat circled in slow spirals through her veins. She recalled in microscopic detail the feeling of being pulled up hard against him and the need that had roared through her. The world contracted about them. She touched her lips—lips sensitised beyond measure. Her index finger traced her bottom lip. It swelled and throbbed…until she encountered something sticky. Sticky? She closed her eyes in sudden mortification. Jam! She had jam all over her face? No wonder Cameron was staring. She scrubbed it off and when she opened her eyes she found him staring straight out in front of him at his precious forty hectares. She scowled but it didn’t slow the thud of her heartbeat. ‘Why did Lance yell at you?’ She shifted on her chair. Lorraine had said Cameron and Lance hadn’t spoken in ten months. She didn’t want to make that situation worse. ‘I will find out so you might as well tell me.’ She slumped on a sigh. ‘Fine, but I’ll only tell you if you fill me in on what’s going down with the two of you.’ His nose curled. It shouldn’t look sexy. It didn’t look sexy! ‘I’m surprised nobody filled you in about it yesterday. It’s no secret.’ His curled lip told her that while it might not be a secret, he didn’t enjoy talking about it. She pulled in a breath. ‘Whatever it is, it’s certainly upsetting your mother.’ He snorted. She didn’t understand that. ‘Ten months ago,’ he clipped out, ‘I was engaged to Fiona.’ She stared. Did he mean the same Fiona who…‘Tall, blonde, ponytail?’ ‘That’s the one.’ She stiffened. ‘Oh!’ He smiled but there was no warmth in it. ‘Exactly.’ They both stared out at the backyard, silent for the moment. ‘I, umm…take it,’ she started, ‘that you and Fiona hadn’t broken up before she and Lance…’ ‘You take it right.’ Ouch! She opened her mouth to say something, anything that would offer comfort or commiseration, but he glared at her and shook his head. ‘Don’t.’ Right. She closed her mouth again. They were both quiet for a long time. Eventually she moistened her lips. ‘Lance wanted to lease the forty hectares from me. When I told him I’d already signed the lease over to you he…became a little upset.’ His eyes narrowed, but he still didn’t look at her. ‘He wanted to lease that land?’ ‘Uh-huh.’ His nostrils flared. ‘I knew he was behind that.’ Um…‘I’m pretty positive your mother had no part in it, though.’ That made him swing to her. ‘Oh, really?’ His scorn could blast the skin from a person’s frame. She darted a glance towards the children. He swore softly. ‘Sorry.’ He raked a hand back through his hair. ‘Look, I’m still angry that I didn’t see it coming, that I didn’t see what was happening right under my nose. That he was—’ He broke off. ‘I underestimated him. None of that is your fault, though.’ ‘I’d have said believing in your family was a good thing, not a bad one.’ He didn’t reply. She pulled in a breath. ‘Look, yesterday your mother seemed appalled and shocked when I told her about the mix-up with the forty hectares. I doubt very much she feigned that.’ She bit her lip and then shrugged. ‘I liked her.’ His lips twisted. ‘And let me guess, despite my brother’s bad behaviour you like him too?’ She thought about that for a moment. ‘Hmm, no, I’m not convinced I do. I don’t much like being yelled at. He owes me an apology and until I receive one he’s a…’ He’d stolen Cam’s fianc?e! She tilted her chin. ‘He’s a weaselling, snivelling, black-hearted swine.’ Cam stared at her, his jaw slack, and then he threw his head back and laughed. The sound rippled through her, warming her all over. Both Ty and Krissie glanced across at them and grinned. It made Tess realise what little laughter they’d had in their lives these last few months. And probably quite a while before then too if the truth be told. Oh, Sarah. At the thought of her beautiful dead sister any desire to laugh along with Cam fled. ‘Cam, about your mum…’ His face shuttered closed. ‘She’s made it clear where her loyalties lie.’ ‘She loves you!’ She couldn’t keep the shock out of her voice. ‘Then she has a funny way of showing it. Besides—’ he rounded on her ‘—this is none of your business.’ ‘You should talk to her.’ He didn’t say anything. She clenched and unclenched her hands. Lorraine’s loyalties were obviously torn—she didn’t want to lose either son. Tess understood that, but… She leaned across and touched his arm. ‘I’m serious, Cameron. I think you need to speak to her. I think the farm is in trouble. Big trouble. I think she needs you.’ The same way Sarah had needed her. Only, Tess had let her down and now she had to live with that knowledge for the rest of her life. ‘Trouble? What makes you think that?’ She didn’t want Cam making the same mistakes she had. ‘Lance said he needed that canola contract. He implied the farm was in danger.’ She bit her lip. ‘He thinks you want to ruin him.’ Cam shook his head. ‘I don’t much care what Lance thinks any more.’ She understood that, but… He turned to her. ‘Look, Tess, the problems associated with my mother and Lance’s station is none of my concern any more. Lance has made that clear through his actions and my mother has made it clear by virtue of her silence.’ She chafed her arms against a sudden chill. Three months ago she’d lost her sister. She’d do anything—anything—to have Sarah back for just one hour. And yet Cam was willing to turn his back on the only family he had? Lance might be a lost cause, but couldn’t Cam see how much his mother loved him? He rose. ‘I’ll bring the mower around tomorrow.’ ‘Thank you.’ He called out a goodbye to the kids and disappeared around the side of the house. Tess rose to find a cardigan and snuggled into it until she started to feel warm again. CHAPTER FOUR (#ulink_42047d70-8a8f-580b-ac70-88b632329b04) CAM CLEANED THE last of the tack. He glanced at the neatly aligned rows of bridles and lead ropes, and at the newly polished saddles, but two hours’ worth of rubbing and buffing hadn’t helped ease the itch between his shoulder blades. With a frown, and a muffled curse that had no direct object, he strode out of the tack room and into the machinery shed to leap on a trail bike and kick it into life. He pointed it in the direction of the northern boundary fence and let loose with the throttle, even though he knew Fraser had trawled along that boundary through the week to check the fences. He belted along the track for ten minutes when, with another muffled curse, he turned the bike back in the direction of the homestead. Dumping the bike back in the machinery shed, he grabbed several assorted lengths of wood and a roll of chicken wire and threw them, along with his toolbox, into the back of one of the station’s utes and, with a final muffled curse, headed next door to Tess’s. He might be planning to sever his ties with Bellaroo Creek, but he couldn’t leave a lone woman with two dependent kids to flounder on her own. Not on land he was ultimately responsible for. Not when it was his fault she now had a puppy and a chicken to look after on top of everything else. Talk to her. That was what Tess had said about his mother. He swiped a hand through the air. His mother would always have a home with him. She knew that, even if she chose to never accept it. I think the farm is in trouble. That was none of his business any more. He fishtailed the ute to a halt in front of Tess’s cottage and the itch between his shoulder blades intensified. He stared out of the windscreen and shook his head. The thought uppermost in his mind, it seemed, wasn’t on building a chicken coop or wondering why his mother refused to come out to Kurrajong, but what Tess might be wearing today—jeans or a skirt? He rubbed his eyes. When he lowered his hand it was to find Ty and Barney barrelling down the side of the house towards him. ‘Hey, Cam!’ He pushed his door open and found a grin. ‘Hey, Ty, how’s Barney settling in?’ ‘I love him best of all dogs in the world!’ It struck him then that Ty looked just like any other seven-yearold boy who’d just got his first puppy—carefree, excited, his face shadow-free. ‘He’s a mighty fine-looking puppy,’ Cam agreed, realising he’d helped to make those shadows retreat. The knowledge awed him, humbled him. He reached behind him to scratch his back. Then Tess came tripping around the side of the house and all rational thought stopped for more beats of his pulse than he had the wit to count. Shorts. Tess wore a pair of scarletcoloured shorts and a pale cream vest top. Her bare arms, bare legs and shoulders all gleamed in the autumn sunlight. She made him think of fields of ripening wheat, of cream and honey and nutmeg, of spiced apples and camping under the stars. She made him think of his mother’s sultana cake—his favourite food in the world. He curled his fingers against his palms to stop from doing something daft and reaching out to stroke a finger down her arm. ‘Hello, Cameron.’ He swallowed and then simply nodded, unsure if his voice would work. ‘Auntie Tess said Barney did really good for a puppy. We’ve only had one accident.’ Cam winced. ‘I, uh…’ Her eyes danced. ‘Apologise again and I’ll thump you. That puppy has been a source of pure joy.’ She glanced at his ute and then planted her hands on her hips and sent him a mock glare. ‘Where’s my lawnmower?’ He grimaced. ‘My station manager is currently lying beneath it trying to fix a fuel leak.’ ‘Ouch.’ ‘It should be fixed in the next day or so.’ He didn’t want her using it if it wasn’t a hundred per cent safe. She gestured with her head and turned. ‘Come and join the party.’ He followed her. He didn’t even try to keep from ogling the length of her legs or taking an inventory of the innate grace with which she moved. She was like some wonderful and exotic creature who’d deigned to live among the mundane and the humdrum. A creature whose beauty took one out of the mundane and humdrum for a few precious moments. He wondered what she’d done for a living before she’d moved to Bellaroo Creek—maybe she’d been a dancer. He opened his mouth to ask, but they’d rounded the house and Krissie sat on a blanket with that darn chicken on her lap and when she glanced up and saw him she sent him a grin of such epic proportions it cracked his chest wide open. He had to swallow before he could speak. ‘Did Fluffy have a good night?’ ‘She slept in her cage in the laundry, but I think she’d be happier sleeping in my bedroom.’ Tess sent him a bare-teethed grimace that almost made him laugh. One could toilet train a puppy, but a chicken…? ‘Well, honey, I’ve come around to build Fluffy her very own house.’ Krissie’s bottom lip wobbled. ‘Barney slept in Ty’s room.’ He crouched down beside her. ‘The thing is, Krissie, chickens aren’t like puppies or kittens. They like the fresh air and they like to see the stars at night and be able to come and go as much as they please. So, as much as Fluffy loves you, she’ll be happier out here in the yard.’ She stared at him and he held his breath. ‘She’ll get her very own house, right?’ ‘That’s right.’ ‘A nice one?’ ‘One that she’ll love,’ he promised. Her face cleared. ‘I can show you a picture of Fluffy’s dream house!’ She plonked Fluffy down on the grass and raced inside. ‘Oh, good Lord.’ Tess groaned. ‘I have no idea what she has in mind, Cameron.’ He had sudden visions of a hot-pink Barbie house and gulped. And then he glanced around. A collection of plastic planters in assorted shapes and sizes battled for space from the back of the house to the lemon tree. ‘Where on earth did all these seedlings come from?’ Tess planted her hands on her hips. Sweet hips…long, lovely legs…pretty arms. Cam curled his fingers into his palms again. With a silent curse he uncurled them and shoved them into his pockets. Deep into his pockets. ‘Everyone has been so kind. At Saturday’s luncheon Ty, Krissie and I mentioned we’d like to start our own veggie garden and asked for advice on what vegetables we should grow.’ He shook his head, but he couldn’t help grinning. ‘I guess you got your answer.’ She grinned back. ‘I guess we did.’ Her plum-coloured lips gleamed temptingly in the sunlight. His heart thumped. He kept his hands firmly in his pockets. The itch started up again with a vengeance. Krissie reappeared brandishing a magazine. ‘This one!’ She held it up for them to see. ‘That’s an awful lot of house for one chicken, Krissie,’ Tess said. Krissie’s bottom lip wobbled. ‘But we’ll get more chickens, remember? Fluffy will need friends for when I’m at school.’ She turned liquid eyes to Cam and they melted him on the spot. He rolled his shoulders, risked removing his hands from his pockets to take the magazine and survey the picture more fully. ‘Oh, I think we can manage something like this.’ He frantically recalculated the amount of wood in his ute with the amount he still had at the homestead. ‘Give me a list of what we need and I’ll go into the stock and station store to get supplies,’ Tess said, as if reading his mind. It wouldn’t be cheap. He grimaced. He should’ve found a way to talk Krissie into something less grand and— ‘We’re good for it, Cameron. It isn’t a problem,’ Tess said, again as if reading his mind, which unsettled him. He normally maintained a quiet reserve that made him hard to read. It had been one of the things Fiona had complained about. But this woman, it seemed, had only to glance at him to know what he was thinking. But her plump dusky lips curved up with such promise he found he didn’t mind at all…or, at least, not as much as he suspected he should. ‘Can I help you build it?’ Ty breathed, his eyes alight. ‘I’ll definitely need a helper—a foreman. It’s a big job, Ty, and I’ll need your help.’ Ty’s eyes grew as big as cabbages, his chest puffed out. That awe hit Cam again as he pulled his cell phone from his pocket. Surveying Krissie’s dream chicken coop, and doing his best to keep his eyes from the plump temptation of Tess’s lips, he placed an order at the stock and station store. They spent the afternoon on Phase One of the chicken coop. Tess couldn’t believe Cam’s patience with Ty or the way her nephew blossomed under his quiet but authoritative guidance. He’d lacked a male role model for so long. Eventually, though, both children wandered off to check on Old Nelson. And then Ty set about teaching Barney how to play fetch while Krissie fell asleep on the blanket beneath the shade of the lemon tree, leaving Fluffy free to scratch about the yard. Tess glanced at Cam whistling idly as he nailed boards to the frame he’d built. Something inside her shifted. Ever since that moment yesterday when she’d hugged him, she’d grown increasingly aware of the breadth of his shoulders, of the flex and play of the muscles in his arms, and of the fresh-cut-grass scent that followed in his wake and stirred something to life inside her. Something she desperately tried to ignore. The sun shone brightly, but not too fiercely, picking out the lighter highlights in his chestnut hair. Fiona had thrown this man over for Lance? Tess snorted. What a loser! The woman quite obviously had her head screwed on backwards. Lance might dazzle with those playboy good looks of his, but when a woman looked at Cam she was left in no doubt that he was all man. One hundred per cent fit and honed man. And the longer Tess stared at him, the more that thing inside her stirred and fluttered and stretched itself into heartbeating, mouth-drying sentience. Thoughts of Lance, though, slid an unwelcome reminder through her. The expression on Lorraine’s face—that mixture of anxiety, regret and heartbreak—rose in her mind and she bit back a sigh. ‘You want to tell me what’s on your mind?’ She blinked, and then realised Cam had caught her out blatantly staring at him. The skin on her face and neck burned. ‘Oh…I…nothing.’ ‘Why don’t I believe you?’ He wielded a hammer as if he’d been born to it. She dragged her gaze from muscled forearms lightly dusted with hair, and the pull of lean brown hands. She tried desperately to dispel thoughts of what else those hands might be expert at. She clenched her eyes shut and counted to five. For pity’s sake! She didn’t need this at the moment—this wild, desperate ache. She needed to remain focused on the children. On not letting Sarah down. On making amends. ‘Tess?’ She went back to tacking chicken wire to the frame of their mansion of a chicken house, the way he’d shown her, but she couldn’t resist another glance at him. The brilliance of his eyes struck her afresh. She swallowed and shrugged. ‘Oh, I was just thinking about stuff you’d no doubt declare me nosy for contemplating.’ He set his hammer down. ‘Like?’ Keep your mouth shut. She set her hammer down too. ‘Like how a man who is as gentle with children and animals as you could just ignore that his mother might be in trouble.’ He stiffened as if she’d slapped him. ‘I said it was nosy,’ she muttered, though she wasn’t certain she was actually apologising. ‘You’re not wrong there.’ Minding her business was the wisest course of action. She knew that. Cam was a grown-up. He knew what he was doing. She swallowed. She used to be really good at minding her own business. ‘You must really hate Lance if you haven’t spoken to him in ten months.’ She shivered. She understood his bitterness. She really did, but…‘How can you stand to live in the same town as him when you bear that much resentment?’ He eyed her for an interminable moment. It made her chest constrict. ‘I’m not planning on staying for that much longer, Tess.’ He hammered in a nail with more force than necessary, and a sickening thump started up in her stomach. ‘What?’ He set his hammer back down and glared at her. ‘In two months I’ll be out of this godforsaken town and Lance can sink or swim under his own steam. I’ve washed my hands of him and his tantrums and his so-called troubles.’ ‘But…’ Cameron couldn’t leave! ‘What about your mother?’ she burst out. He picked the hammer up again. ‘I expect my leaving will be a blessing for her. With me gone, tensions will ease.’ He hammered in another nail. ‘Besides, like I told you, my mother has made it clear where her loyalties lie.’ Tess’s mouth opened and closed. ‘Can’t you see her loyalties are being torn?’ ‘By remaining in the same house as Lance and Fiona she’s given them her tacit approval.’ ‘You mother is not the type of woman who would ever kick her offspring out of her house, regardless of what they’ve done.’ She planted her hands on her hips. ‘But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you.’ Couldn’t he see that? ‘Do you really mean to make her choose between the two of you? She’s not responsible for the things Lance has done.’ ‘My leaving means she won’t have to choose.’ She glanced at Krissie and an ache exploded in her chest. Cam’s anger and bitterness were warping him and tearing him apart. Couldn’t he see that? ‘Oh, Cameron, it’s been ten months.’ He strode around and seized her chin, his eyes blazing. ‘And you naively think that time can heal all wounds?’ His fingers were gentle but his voice was hard. He smelled of wood and grass and sweat. He paused and she swallowed, aching at the pain she sensed behind the flint of his eyes. He scanned her face and then released her with a shake of his head. ‘Why does this matter so much to you?’ She had to take a step away from him. He was too…much. Too much for her senses. Too much for her hormones. And the hardness in him clashed too deeply with the places that grieved inside her. ‘I just lost my sister, Cam. I never appreciated her enough. I wish I had but I didn’t. And now I’ve lost her and I can’t get her back.’ He paled. ‘I have no one now but Ty and Krissie. Don’t get me wrong, they make up for everything, but…you have a mother who loves you and I’m jealous.’ She tried to smile. He had a brother too, but she left that unsaid. In his shoes, would she be able to forgive Lance? His eyes darkened, his hand half lifted as if to touch her cheek…and then he wheeled away. She hunched her shoulders, wishing she hadn’t started this conversation. Wishing she’d left well alone. She tried to make her voice bright. ‘Where will you go when you leave Bellaroo Creek?’ He turned back. ‘Africa. I’m an advisor for a charity whose mission is to increase agricultural production in Third World countries. I’ve requested a field position.’ ‘Wow!’ She stared at him. ‘Just…wow! That’s amazing.’ She swallowed and chafed her arms. ‘What an adventure.’ ‘I’m hoping so.’ ‘Is it a secret?’ ‘I haven’t told anyone, if that’s what you mean.’ He shifted his weight to plant his legs firmly. She tried another smile and mimicked zipping her mouth shut to let him know she wouldn’t say anything to anyone, and she had a feeling he had to fight back a smile of his own. She’d like to make him smile for real. ‘We’ll miss you, Cameron. You’ve been just about the best neighbour we city slickers could’ve had.’ His eyes widened. He blinked and then they narrowed. It made her want to fidget. Did he think she was making some kind of a move on him? Her spine stiffened and her chin shot up. ‘You can lose that nasty suspicion right now,’ she shot at him. ‘Even if I was in the market for something more, I’m not stupid enough to get involved with a man on the rebound.’ She folded her arms. ‘In fact, I’m starting to think the sooner you leave, the better!’ He grinned then—a true-blue, solid-gold grin that hooked up his mouth and made his eyes dance. For a moment all Tess could make out was the brightness of the sun, the sound of the breeze playing through the leaves of the lemon tree and the force of that smile. She blinked and the rest of the world slowly surged back into focus. ‘From where I’m standing, Tess, my suspicion was more like wishful thinking and it wasn’t the least bit nasty. In fact, it was pretty darn tempting.’ Heat crept along her veins. She bit her bottom lip in an effort to counter its heavy throbbing. There was nothing she could do about her breasts, though, except to keep her arms tightly folded across them and hope their eager swelling didn’t show. ‘But I’m severing ties with Bellaroo Creek while you’re in the process of establishing them. And while I wouldn’t be averse to a purely physical arrangement…’ She shook her head. ‘That’s what I figured.’ She pulled a breath of fresh country air into her lungs to try to cool her body’s unaccountable response to the man opposite; to give herself the space she needed to remember the promises she’d made to herself. ‘Romance in any shape or form isn’t figuring on my horizon for the next year or two.’ He stared at her, frowned. ‘Why not?’ She glanced at Krissie still dozing beneath the lemon tree, and at Ty and Barney wrestling gently in the long grass down by the back fence. ‘Because at the moment the children need stability in their lives. Bringing a new man into the mix would freak them out, threaten them.’ For the next year or two she meant to focus all her energies on them and what they needed. For pity’s sake! It couldn’t be that hard. She’d spent the last twenty-six years focussing on nothing but herself and her music. It wouldn’t kill her to put others’ needs before her own for a while. In fact, she had a feeling it was mandatory. Anyway, what did she know about romantic relationships? She’d had flirtations, but nothing serious or long-term. She didn’t know enough about them to risk Ty’s and Krissie’s well-being, that was for sure. ‘Tess, you’re young and beautiful. You’re entitled to a life of your own.’ She stared at him. Did he really think she was beautiful? She started and shook her stupid vanity aside. ‘Well, then, hopefully another two years won’t make much difference to either of those things.’ ‘I think you’re making a mistake.’ ‘Ten months,’ she shot back. ‘I think you’re the one making a mistake.’ They glared at each other. ‘Speaking of nosy questions…’ his glare deepened ‘…I have one of my own.’ She moistened dry lips. ‘Oh?’ He hitched his head in the direction of the children. ‘Who hurt them?’ The strength drained from her legs. She reached out but the chicken coop wasn’t stable enough to take her weight. She backed up and plonked down on a load of timber Cam had placed to one side, a chasm opening up in her chest. She wanted nothing more than to drop her face to her hands, but if either child glanced her way it would frighten them, worry them, and calming their anxieties was her numberone concern. Cam swore. She glanced up. With the sun behind her, she could see his face clearly and the range of expressions that filtered across it—concern, protectiveness…anger. Who hurt them? Her chest cramped. She’d hoped…‘Is it that obvious?’ she whispered. He eased himself down beside her. ‘Not at first.’ She had a feeling he was trying to humour her, to offer her some comfort, but there was no comfort to be had. Not for her. ‘Tess?’ She chafed her arms as a chill settled over her, although the sun and the air remained warm. ‘Their father,’ she finally said. ‘It was their father.’ From the corner of her eyes she saw one of his hands clench. She sensed that every muscle in his body had tensed. ‘He hit them?’ She nodded. ‘And he hit their mother?’ She nodded again. ‘The bastard!’ She had to swallow a lump at the pointlessness of it all. ‘Oh, Cameron, it’s so much sadder than that.’ Heartbreakingly sad. ‘Did he kill their mother and then commit suicide?’ Her head came up at that. ‘No!’ The police had been certain. ‘It was a car accident.’ She swallowed. ‘They hit a tree. The police who arrived first on the scene found an injured kangaroo on the road.’ ‘They swerved to avoid it?’ ‘I expect so.’ He reached out to clasp one of the hands she had clenched in her lap. ‘Tell me the sad story, Tess.’ Why did he want to know? And then she thought about Lorraine, and Lance and Fiona. Maybe something in Sarah and Bruce’s story would touch a chord with him. Maybe it would help heal the anger and pain inside him. Maybe it would help him find a way to forgive. Lance might not deserve that forgiveness, but she had a growing certainty that Cam needed to find it inside himself all the same. His grip tightened and finally she met his gaze. She turned her hand over and without any hesitation at all he entwined his fingers with hers, giving her the silent strength and support she needed. ‘As far as I can tell,’ she finally started, ‘Sarah and Bruce were happy for most of their marriage.’ Though God knew she wasn’t an expert. ‘But two and a half years ago Bruce was involved in an accident at his work where he suffered a brain injury.’ ‘Where did he work?’ ‘In an open cut mine in the Upper Hunter Valley. An explosion went off when it shouldn’t have. It was all touch and go for a while. He spent four months in hospital and then had months and months of rehabilitation.’ ‘What happened?’ he prompted when she stopped. She clung to his hand. Unconsciously she leaned one bare arm against his until she remembered that there were still warm good things in the world. ‘His personality changed. This previously calm, family-oriented man suddenly had a temper he couldn’t control. It would apparently flare up at the smallest provocation.’ And then Bruce would lash out with his fists. ‘He looked the same, he sounded the same, but he was a totally different man from the one my sister had married.’ ‘She should’ve removed the children from that situation immediately.’ Tess stilled. Very gently she removed her hand from his, and went back to chafing her arms. ‘We’re so quick to judge, aren’t we? But how sacred do you hold wedding vows, Cameron? Because my sister took them very seriously. For better for worse; in sickness and in health. The accident wasn’t Bruce’s fault. He didn’t go looking for it. He’d simply been in the wrong place at the wrong time. How do you abandon someone who’s been through that?’ She peered up at him. ‘I don’t think you’d abandon a woman who’d been through something like that.’ He stared at her and then dragged a hand down his face. ‘Did you know about the violence?’ Bitterness filled her mouth and she shook her head. ‘I was hardly ever in the country. I was too busy with my career and gallivanting around Europe and making a name for myself to notice anything.’ She’d been off having the time of her life while her sister had been living a nightmare. Sarah had always been so staunchly independent but that was no excuse. Deep down she’d known something had been troubling her sister, only Sarah would deny it whenever Tess had pressed her. Oh, yes, there had been signs. Signs she hadn’t picked up on. Her vision blurred. Sarah had been so proud of Tess’s successes, but they were nothing—surface glitter with no substance. Like Tess herself. ‘Tess?’ She shook herself. ‘I found out about the violence after the car accident, from Sarah’s neighbours and Bruce’s doctors. From Ty and Krissie.’ And from the letter Sarah had left her, asking her to look after the children if anything should happen to her, and leaving her a ludicrously large life insurance policy, enabling her to do exactly that. She lifted her chin. ‘All that matters now is making sure Ty and Krissie feel safe and building a good life for them here. I’ll do whatever that takes.’ ‘Why?’ The single question chilled her. ‘Because I love them.’ That was the truth. Cam didn’t need to know any more than that. She wasn’t sure she could bear the disgust in his eyes if she told him the whole truth. ‘Miss Laing, there you are! We’ve been knocking on the front door, but you obviously didn’t hear us.’ Tess and Cam shot to their feet as three women came around the side of the house—Cam’s mum, Stacy Bennet and the unknown but well-dressed woman who’d addressed Tess. Tess urged herself forward and forced what she hoped was a welcoming smile to her lips. ‘I’m terribly sorry!’ ‘It’s no matter, dear,’ Lorraine said. ‘But I want to introduce you to Helen Milton. She’s the headmistress of Lachlan Downs Ladies College, which is a boarding school two hours south of here. She’s made the trip into Bellaroo Creek especially to meet you.’ Cam rolled his shoulders and remained where he was. Why on earth did Helen want to meet Tess? ‘I saw you play when I was in London the year before last. My dear, you have such a rare talent, but it wasn’t until I saw you play in Barcelona a few months later that I truly realised it.’ Tess’s spine, her shoulders, her whole bearing stiffened. He couldn’t see her face, but the fact she made no reply told its own story. He moved to stand beside her. ‘Hello, Cameron.’ He glanced down at his mother and his stomach clenched. ‘Mum.’ ‘Oh, no, no, no,’ Helen continued, ‘you won’t be hiding your light under a bushel out here, Tess!’ Tess gripped her hands together, her knuckles turning white. ‘Oh, but—’ ‘You don’t mind me calling you Tess, do you?’ ‘Of course not. I—’ ‘It’d be a crime for you to bury your talent and I won’t allow it.’ Lorraine smiled at him and behind the lines of strain that fanned out from her eyes he recognised genuine delight. ‘Tess is apparently not just a world-class pianist, but a classical guitarist of some note too.’ He stared at her. Not a dancer but a musician? It made perfect sense. It explained her innate grace and balance, and the way her whole being came alive when she sang. She shrugged, colour flooding her cheeks as he continued to stare at her. He nudged her arm. ‘Tess, that’s really something.’ But she stared back at him with doe-in-the-headlight eyes and he didn’t understand, only knew something was terribly wrong. He straightened. ‘How about we go inside and I’ll put the kettle on?’ Tess needed something warm and sweet inside her. ‘I can’t, I’m sorry—this is just a flying visit. I need to be back at the college by three—I’ve chartered a plane—but I wanted to introduce myself to Tess while I had a brief window of opportunity.’ Helen turned back to Tess. ‘Because I have plans for you, my dear.’ ‘Oh?’ Tess’s voice was nothing but a whisper. ‘Every year we hold a two-week summer camp at the college, and we want you to give music tuition. Heavens, talk about a coup!’ ‘But…but I couldn’t possibly leave Ty and Krissie for two whole weeks.’ ‘My dear, they can come too. There’ll be all sorts of activities to keep them occupied.’ ‘But—’ Helen’s eyes narrowed and hardened. Cam shifted his feet. The headmistress hadn’t got where she was today by taking no for an answer. ‘Miss Laing, you can’t possibly have a problem with wanting to assist The community that has taken you under its wing. Surely?’ ‘Well, no, of course not.’ His lips twisted. The rotten woman should’ve gone into politics. ‘Excellent!’ She took Tess’s arm and led her back the way she’d come. ‘I’ll email you with all the details. And don’t worry, you’ll be handsomely reimbursed.’ ‘How are you, Cameron?’ his mother asked, her question stopping him from following. He rolled his shoulders. ‘Fine, and you?’ Her hand fluttered to her throat. ‘Fine.’ He shifted from one leg to the other. ‘Would you like to come around for dinner one day this week?’ The words burst from him. They burned and needled but he didn’t retract them. ‘Oh!’ She swallowed. ‘I…I’m afraid this week isn’t good.’ ‘Right.’ Exactly the same response as the last time he’d asked her. ‘Let me know when your diary clears.’ She opened her mouth, but closed it again without saying anything more. ‘I’d better go,’ she finally said. ‘Goodbye, Cameron.’ ‘Mum.’ He stared after her and then started in surprise when Ty slipped his small hand inside Cam’s. He glanced down. ‘You okay, buddy?’ ‘What did that lady want?’ ‘I think she wants your auntie Tess to do some work for her.’ ‘Auntie Tess didn’t look very happy.’ No, she hadn’t. Why not? If she had a passion for music…Cam cut the thought off and focused on allaying Ty’s concern instead. ‘I think your auntie Tess is going to be just fine, Ty. She doesn’t have to do anything she doesn’t want to.’ Ty thought about that for a moment and then nodded. ‘Would you like to play fetch with Barney?’ CHAPTER FIVE (#ulink_adf59ea2-6f01-57dc-9efa-a95d6f50605e) CAM STRODE THROUGH the back door of the schoolhouse. If Stacy really wanted to turn that lower field into a play area for the children, they were going to need to talk about drainage, fund-raising and working bees. He turned the corner and then pulled up short as Tess bolted through the school’s front door. He swallowed. he’d spent two afternoons last week finishing off the chicken coop. Both times she’d invited him to stay for dinner. Both times he’d declined. Since he’d revealed he was leaving Bellaroo Creek, they’d maintained a polite but slightly formal distance. Which was fine by him. As far as he was concerned the less time he spent thinking about her, the better. He watched her halt now, press her hands to her waist and drag in a breath. Something was up. Before he could kick himself forward and ask what, she’d set her spine and moved straight for Stacy Bennet’s office. ‘Hey, chickadee, what’s up?’ Before she could enter the office, however, Krissie had hurtled out of it to fling herself at Tess, her face crumpled and her shoulders shaking with sobs. Tess held her against her with one hand while the other caressed the hair back off her face. His gut tightened as he watched her. Her love was evident in every touch and gesture. The set of her shoulders and her bent head told him that Krissie’s pain was her own. He had to swallow. He rolled his shoulders, but he couldn’t look away. Krissie’s storm was brief. When she finally relaxed her grip, Tess led her back into the office. Had someone frightened Krissie again? Almost without thinking he moved towards the office, halting in its doorway. Tess, Krissie and Stacy all sat on Stacy’s sofa, and Tess wiped Krissie’s face with a handful of tissues. They didn’t see him. ‘You want to tell me what happened, chickadee?’ He marvelled at the calm strength in her voice, at her distinct I-can-fix-anything attitude. He shoved his hands in his pockets. Tess Laing was a hell of a woman. He took a step back. She obviously had everything under control. He should leave and give them some privacy. He turned away. ‘Do we have money troubles?’ Krissie hiccupped. He stiffened and swung back. ‘Heavens, no,’ Tess pooh-poohed. ‘What’s brought this on?’ ‘Mikey said we must be poor if we’re renting a house for a dollar a week. And I know that when you’re poor bad things can happen.’ Cam stiffened. A five-year-old should be happy and carefree, not constantly glancing over her shoulder waiting for bad things to happen. A five-year-old shouldn’t have so little faith in all that was bright and good. Neither should a twenty-nine-year-old. He shook that thought off. For the first time he truly appreciated the task Tess had set herself. Tess tucked the child under her arm and pulled her in close. ‘When you’re a bit older I’ll explain life insurance policies to you, chickadee. You’ll probably learn all about them at school when you’re fourteen or fifteen. But I can promise—cross my heart—that your mum and dad made sure that you, Ty and me would have enough money so we wouldn’t want for anything.’ She’d taken the perfect tone, and she had perfect— He averted his gaze and wished he’d thought to do that before she’d crossed her heart. He glanced back to see Krissie turn up a hopeful face. ‘Really?’ ‘Really, truly.’ ‘Daddy too?’ ‘Daddy too.’ Tess might’ve taken the perfect tone, but some sixth sense warned him that she was horribly close to tears. Stacy jumped to the rescue. ‘You want to know why your aunt Tess wanted to come to Bellaroo Creek, Krissie?’ She stared up at the teacher with solemn eyes and nodded. ‘It’s because she knew we wanted you all to come and live out here and be a part of our town. Your aunt Tess knows how nice it is to be wanted.’ The child swung to Tess and Tess smiled at her. ‘It’s true. Don’t you think it’s lovely to come to a place where everyone wants to be friends with us? And weren’t we talking just last night about all the things we like about living in Bellaroo Creek?’ ‘You like the fresh air.’ ‘I sure do.’ She nudged Krissie’s shoulder with a grin. ‘And I’m finding I have a big soft spot for sultana cake.’ Krissie giggled. ‘And I love Fluffy and Ty loves Barney. And Louisa and Suzie are really nice, and so is Mrs Bennet,’ she added with a shy glance at her teacher. ‘So you don’t need to get upset about anything anyone says, all right?’ Tess said. Krissie pursed her lips and finally nodded, obviously deciding to trust her aunt. ‘Okay.’ ‘How about you run back to class now, Krissie?’ her teacher said. ‘Mrs Leigh is teaching everyone a new song and you wouldn’t want to miss out on that, would you?’ With a hug for Tess, Krissie started for the door. Cam suddenly realised he still stood there staring. He tried to duck out of the way, but he wasn’t quick enough. ‘Cam!’ Krissie hugged him, grinning up at him with those big brown eyes of hers before disappearing down the corridor to her classroom. He gulped and turned back to Tess and Stacy. ‘Sorry, I was coming in to talk to you about that lower field. I didn’t mean…’ ‘Well, as you’re here now you may as well come in.’ Stacy waved him in as she walked back behind her desk. ‘You’ve obviously become good friends with your new neighbours if Krissie’s reaction is anything to go by.’ The collar of his shirt tightened. He didn’t know what to say, so he entered the room and sat on the sofa beside Tess, careful to keep a safe distance between them. ‘You okay?’ he murmured. ‘Sure.’ Tess sent him a wan smile before turning back to Stacy. ‘Mrs Bennet, I’m so sorry. I—’ ‘Stacy, dear, please…at least when the children aren’t present. And let me assure you there’s no need to apologise. There were always going to be a few teething problems. I knew that the moment I read your application and discovered Ty and Krissie had recently lost their parents.’ Tess’s breath whooshed out of her. ‘That didn’t put you off accepting us into town?’ ‘Absolutely not! We think you’re perfect for Bellaroo Creek. And we think our town has a lot to offer all of you too. What are a few teething problems in the grand scheme, anyway? So don’t you go making this bigger in your mind than it ought to be. The children will settle in just fine, you’ll see. What we need to do now is sort you out.’ ‘Me?’ she squeaked. ‘But before we move on to that, I just want to let you know that if Krissie has another little outburst like that, then we’ll deal with it in-house rather than calling you in.’ ‘Oh, but—’ ‘Believe me, Tess, it’ll be for the best. I thought it important you came today, just so Krissie knows she can rely on you, but from hereon we’ll deal with it.’ ‘But what if—?’ Stacy held up a hand and Cam heard Tess literally swallow. ‘Oh, I’m making a hash of it, aren’t I?’ His jaw dropped. He turned to her. ‘What are you talking about? You’ve been brilliant!’ ‘Cam is right, Tess. You’re doing a remarkable job in difficult circumstances. I sincerely applaud all you’ve achieved.’ Tess shot him a glance before turning back to Stacy. Her spine straightened. ‘Thank you.’ ‘Believe me, you can be the natural mother of twelve children and still feel utterly clueless some days.’ Tess stared, and then she started to laugh. ‘I’m not sure that’s particularly comforting, but it makes me feel better all the same.’ She leant forward, her hands clasped on her knees. ‘Okay, so what did you mean when you said you needed to sort me out?’ ‘Do you really think you’ll find it satisfying enough just keeping house and looking after the children?’ ‘Well, I—’ ‘My dear, I think you’ll go mad. So what I want to propose is for you to run a class or two for our OOSH programme.’ ‘OOSH?’ ‘Out of school hours,’ Stacy clarified. ‘The classes would only run for forty minutes or so. The school has a budget for it, so you would be paid.’ Tess opened her mouth, but no sound came out. ‘It’ll be a great benefit to the community during term time and great for the kids. More important, however, I expect it will help keep you fresh and stop you from going stir crazy.’ Tess stiffened when she realised exactly what kind of classes Stacy was going to ask her to teach—music classes. Cam stared at her and recalled the way she’d tensed up when Helen had co-opted her for the summer school. He frowned. Surely with her experience and expertise teaching music classes would be a cinch. If she had a passion for music, wouldn’t she be eager to share it? He didn’t want to ask any awkward questions. At least, not in front of Stacy, but… Silence stretched throughout the office. Finally Tess smoothed back her hair. ‘I know you’re thinking of my piano and guitar training,’ she said quietly. Too quietly. ‘But piano isn’t really appropriate to teach to a large group. As for guitar, that will only work if everyone has their own instrument.’ Stacy grimaced and shook her head. Tess’s hands relaxed their ferocious grip on each other. He stared at them, and then opened his mouth. He could donate the funds needed to buy the school guitars. ‘I figured that might be the case,’ Tess said. He closed his mouth again, curious to see what she meant to propose. She pursed her lips and pretended to consider the problem. He stared, trying to work out how he knew it was a pretence, but he couldn’t put a finger on it. He kept getting sidetracked by the perfect colour of her skin and the plump promise of her lips. ‘I could do percussion classes,’ she said. ‘It teaches timing and rhythm and the kids would love it.’ ‘Sounds…noisy,’ he said. ‘Which no doubt is part of the fun,’ said Stacy. ‘What equipment would you need?’ ‘Any kind of percussion instrument the school or the children have lying around—drums, cymbals, triangles, maracas, clappers. Even two bits of wood would work, or rice in a plastic milk container.’ ‘We can make some of those in class.’ ‘Do you have recorders?’ Both he and Stacy groaned. Tess grinned. ‘I’ll take that as a yes. In my opinion recorders get a bad rap. They’re a wonderful tool for teaching children how to read music.’ ‘Oh, Tess, that sounds perfect!’ Stacy clasped her hands on her desk and beamed at them. ‘Can you start next week? We hold the classes at the community hall and there’ll always be a parent or four to help out. Would Tuesdays and Thursdays suit you?’ ‘I’d love to be involved, and any day of the week is fine with me.’ Cam couldn’t tell if she truly meant it or not, but he sensed her sincere desire to fit in, to become fully involved in life at Bellaroo Creek. To give back. His stomach rolled. While he was intent on leaving. ‘I know you’re busy on Kurrajong, Cam, but I don’t suppose you’d take a class?’ He went to say, You can take that right, when Krissie’s crumpled face rose in his mind…along with the way Ty flinched whenever he was startled as if waiting for a blow to fall. ‘I’ll teach judo classes on a Wednesday if you think there’ll be any takers.’ Tess spun to him. He refused to look at her. He refused to consider too deeply what that meant for his plans. It’d only be a minor delay. It’d only mean hanging around in Bellaroo Creek for an extra month to six weeks. He did what he could to stop his lip from curling. ‘I forgot you had judo training. You received your training certificate before you went off to university, didn’t you?’ He nodded. Teaching judo had helped pay his way through university. ‘Excellent! That’ll be another winner. I can’t tell you both how much I appreciate it. I’ll be in touch to fine-tune the details,’ Stacy said. ‘Now, Cam, my lower field.’ ‘We need to talk drainage and fund-raising.’ She sighed. ‘Just as I feared. We might have to leave that all for another day,’ she said, leading them to the door. ‘But many thanks for coming out here and taking a look. Take care, the both of you.’ Cam glanced at Tess as they set off for the front gate. Was she all right? Dealing with Krissie’s and Ty’s fears and insecurities had to be taking its toll. He didn’t doubt for a moment that she loved them, but…She’d essentially gone from f?ted musician to a single mother of two needy children in the blink of an eye. It couldn’t be easy. Some days it must be bloody heartbreaking and exhausting. ‘Are you okay?’ One shoulder lifted, but lines of fatigue fanned out from her eyes. ‘Sure.’ When he didn’t say anything she glanced up, grimaced and shrugged again. ‘Some days it feels as if we take one step forward and three steps back.’ He couldn’t think of anything to say that didn’t sound like a platitude or the accepted wisdom she already knew. ‘I know it’ll get better with time.’ But how much time? And how ragged would she run herself in the meantime? He glanced at her again and bit back a curse. ‘You did that for Ty’s and Krissie’s sakes, didn’t you?’ she said, when they reached their cars. She blinked in the sunlight. ‘Offering to teach judo.’ He chose his words carefully. ‘I think if they feel they can defend themselves, they’ll become a little more…relaxed.’ ‘I don’t doubt that for a single moment, but…’ But? He shifted. ‘I don’t teach fighting as a good or positive thing to do, Tess. Judo is about self-discipline and learning how to defend yourself.’ ‘Oh, it’s not that!’ She actually looked shocked by the idea. ‘But…’ she glanced around as if afraid of being overheard ‘…I thought you were leaving town?’ He rolled his shoulders. ‘I am. That hasn’t changed.’ He wanted them very clear on that. ‘But there’s still a lot of work to sort out on Kurrajong. Hanging around until the end of the school term means I won’t be leaving it all for my station manager to sort out.’ He gritted his teeth. What was a month? Besides, it had struck him afresh in Stacy’s office that while he was fighting not to turn into his father, that was exactly what he was in danger of becoming. Just like his father, he’d withdrawn from the community and thrown himself into work on the station. Leaving Bellaroo Creek and involving himself in a cause he was passionate about would ensure that history didn’t repeat, but in the meantime he had to fight that inward impulse as much as he could. Even if it meant coming face-to-face with Lance and Fiona some time in the near future. What would that matter? In three months he’d be in Africa. In the meantime, he would not bury himself on Kurrajong Station with all of his bitterness and shattered dreams. He thrust his shoulders back. He’d get the chance to explore new horizons, stretch his wings, and shake the dust of this godforsaken place from his boots soon enough. ‘You know, I’d kill for a piece of butter cake with orange icing right about now.’ He blinked himself back into the present. ‘Sorry, Tess, I’m afraid the town doesn’t stretch to a bakery.’ Though rumour had it that might change in the not too distant future with Milla Brady coming home. One could only hope. ‘It doesn’t mean I can’t make a cake of my own, though.’ True enough. He opened her car door for her. ‘You think it’ll cheer Krissie up?’ ‘It may well do,’ she said with a shrug, but a cheeky grin peeped through. ‘Mostly I just want one because I’m famished!’ He laughed, noting the way her shoulders had started to loosen. ‘I don’t know what it is about the air out here, but my appetite suddenly seems to know no bounds.’ ‘Will you have time for a lesson on the lawnmower this afternoon? It’s in perfect working order again and I thought I might bring it over.’ It occurred to him that it might be a good idea for Tess to have company this afternoon. ‘Oh, that’ll be perfect! I’ll feed you cake, and you can teach me the fine art of lawnmower riding.’ ‘Deal.’ He tried to ignore the excitement that curled in his stomach as she drove away. He was teaching her how to use the ride-on, that was all. If he was lucky it might stop her from brooding. End of story. Cam drove the mower into the backyard. From her position at the kitchen window Tess’s gaze zeroed in on those impressive shoulders and the strongly defined muscles of his upper arms, and her breath hitched. She leaned closer to get a better look. She fanned her face. She jumped when the oven timer dinged. She wrenched her gaze away. It had been an emotional morning. This was a carry-over reaction from that. She shied away from the ‘emotional’ part of that thought too. It made her insides start to wobble again, and she was getting tired of wobbling, of feeling the ground constantly shifting beneath her feet. ‘Come on through,’ she hollered before he could knock on the back door. She pulled the cake from the oven and, although she sensed him standing behind her, she set the cake on the bench and just stared at it, her mouth watering. She needed to let it cool for at least ten minutes before cutting into it. Longer if she intended to ice it. When she finally turned to Cam, his lips twitched as if he could read her hunger, her greed. He nodded towards it, his eyes dancing. ‘I’m impressed.’ Something in his voice…Didn’t he think that she could bake? She stuck her nose in the air. ‘So you should be.’ Then she grinned. ‘I’ve been practising becoming modelmother material since before we left Sydney.’ She tapped an old exercise book—Sarah’s recipe book—her sister’s handwriting as familiar as her own. ‘There’s a wealth of hints and tips in this baby.’ ‘What is it?’ She handed it to him, and then hitched her head in the direction of the yard, grabbing her sunhat as they went. ‘C’mon, I’m dying to eat cake so the sooner I learn all I need to about your ride-on mower, the better.’ Barney greeted them with excited barks, leaping up on Tess and practically exploding with delight when she petted him. Fluffy followed behind at a far more dignified pace. ‘C’mon, you two.’ She scooped the puppy up in one hand and the chicken in her other and popped them both in the chicken mansion out of harm’s way. They proceeded to romp down the length of the run together. Cam stared. ‘Who’d have believed it? They’ve become playmates.’ ‘I’m convinced Fluffy thinks she’s a dog. I’m not sure what she’s going to do when we get more chickens.’ ‘When are you planning on that?’ ‘Just as soon as I do my research and know what I’m doing.’ The last thing she needed was a dead chicken or three. There’d been enough death in the children’s lives—and hers—to last them for a lifetime. ‘I’ve some books you can borrow.’ ‘Thanks, but I have a couple on order at the library.’ Bellaroo Creek had the tiniest library on the planet—full of fat romance novels of which she’d fully availed herself. As part of the Greater Parkes Shire, though, the library had a huge range of books available through the inter-library loan scheme. Her books should arrive within the week. Cam surveyed her. ‘You don’t want to accept my help?’ She recalled the heat that had hit her at the kitchen window, the silly flutter in her chest. ‘It’s not that. It’s just the library already has them on order for me.’ And she was not going to get into the habit of counting on Cam too much. Not when he was leaving Bellaroo Creek. Not when he heated her blood so quickly and assailed her senses so fully she found it impossible to keep her balance around him. She dragged her gaze from the green promise of his eyes and gestured to the mower. ‘What do I need to know?’ He placed Sarah’s book on the garden bench Tess and the children had hauled around from the front yard last weekend, and gestured to the mower. ‘C’mon, then, up you get.’ He helped her climb on and his hand on her arm was warm and strong. Absurdly, it made her feel strong too. ‘Okay, quick overview—handbrake, foot brake and accelerator—’ he pointed to each of them ‘—and this lever here—’ he tapped it ‘—lifts and lowers the cutting blades.’ ‘Right.’ She nodded. It was an auto transmission—easypeasy. ‘People generally run into two problems with ride-ons. The first is stalling the mower because they’re trying to set off too fast. The second is setting the cutter blades too low and hitting dirt. So let’s work on starting it up and moving forwards first. Ignition is right there.’ He handed her a key. She fitted it to the ignition and it started up first go. She put her foot on the brake, let out the handbrake and then pressed down on the accelerator. And stalled. Cam didn’t laugh. He just reached over and pulled the handbrake on, hitting her with his heat and the scent of cut grass. ‘Okay, let’s try that again.’ Even though her heart beat faster, his calm confidence filtered into her. ‘Ease your foot gently onto the accelerator.’ She did as he instructed and this time the mower edged forward. She drove to the lemon tree before pulling to a halt again, a ludicrous flush of accomplishment surging through her. She grinned as he strode up to her and he grinned back. It suddenly struck her how sunny it was out here, how clear the sky and how good everything smelled. He taught her how to reverse. He showed her how to adjust the blade level. ‘Okay, show me what you’re made of, Tess Laing. Off you go. I want to see you do a lap around the chicken coop.’ She took a deep breath and headed for the chicken coop. She finished the lap, headed for the back fence and then did it all over again. ‘Yee ha!’ Holding her hat to her head, she lifted her face to the sun and laughed for the sheer joy of it. Who knew a ride-on lawnmower could be so much fun? ‘Oh, man, I have to get me one of these!’ She clamped both hands back to the steering wheel as she whizzed around the chicken coop a third time. Barney raced the length of the chicken run beside her, barking madly and wagging his tail. Cam laughed at her, but she didn’t mind in the least. This—this mad, fun dash on the mower—felt like freedom. With the kids having started school this week, she’d started to feel less tense, less…shackled. Until this morning, that was. But…to not have to be on her guard all the time, aware that her every move and word could impact on Ty and Krissie in some unforseen way. That…well, it was heaven. Not that she didn’t miss the children being at home with her, but she relished the downtime from them too. Nobody had told her how much mess they could make, or how noisy they could be, or how grumpy they could get when they were tired or…or just how relentless parenthood was. And nobody had warned her how much that could take out of a person. Which went to show what a poor substitute she was for Sarah. She promptly stalled the mower. Cam came up, a frown in his eyes. ‘What happened?’ She swallowed. ‘I, uh, lost my concentration for a moment.’ She tried to find that elusive sense of freedom again, but it slipped out of reach. ‘Thank you for the lesson, Cameron. I think I have the hang of it now.’ She started the mower up again. Something in his eyes made the ache inside her threaten to explode, and she wasn’t sure if tears or heat would be the outcome—and she had no intention of finding out. ‘I’ll just park it up near the house.’ She didn’t wait for him to say anything, but took off. She climbed off the mower and checked her watch. ‘Somewhere you need to be?’ She suddenly laughed. ‘I’m just waiting for that darn cake to cool. I’d planned on icing it, but I’m not sure I can wait that long. I’ll put the kettle on in a moment and cut us both a slice. I just want to check the animals’ water first.’ Cam settled on the garden bench and picked up Sarah’s book. Tess checked the water bowl by the back door and then the one in the chicken coop, letting Barney and Fluffy out to play in the yard. Cam gave a sudden snort. ‘You have got to be joking! Listen to this. “Carrot spaghetti: using a vegetable peeler, create long lengths of carrot to look like spaghetti. Submerge in boiling water for a few seconds and then top with pasta sauce. Children will love it and it’s a tasty way to ensure they eat their vegetables.”’ She nodded. ‘I know. Who has the time for that, huh? Do you know how long it takes to peel a whole carrot with a vegetable peeler?’ He stared at her. The book dropped to his lap. ‘You’ve tried this?’ ‘Well…’ She heaved back a sigh. ‘I just never knew it could be so hard to get kids to eat their veggies. There’s loads more tips in there about grating carrot and zucchini and adding it to mince when making rissoles or meatloaf…and grating cauliflower And zucchini into hash-brown mixture and…’ She plonked down beside him. ‘Long gone are the days of pulling a frozen dinner out of the freezer and nuking it in the microwave.’ And God help her, but she missed those days. A sigh overtook her. ‘Do you know how long it takes to grate anything?’ ‘Hell, Tess.’ She straightened. ‘I mean, that’s one of the reasons we came out here—so I’d have plenty of time to do exactly that.’ Looking after Ty and Krissie was the most important job in the world to her, so what were a few grated carrots between family, huh? ‘You’re going to send yourself around the twist grating vegetables as if there’s no tomorrow.’ It was starting to feel that way, but… ‘You know what, Tess?’ She glanced at him and the sympathy and compassion in his eyes made her sinuses burn and her throat ache. ‘What?’ she whispered. ‘I think you need to stop trying to be Sarah and focus on being yourself.’ Her head rocked back. ‘And another thing…Why are you so reluctant to continue with your music?’ She froze. ‘Why aren’t you eager to dive back into your piano and guitar?’ An invisible hand reached inside her chest to squeeze her heart. ‘Hasn’t it occurred to you that playing again might actually help you manage all your stress and worry?’ ‘No!’ She leapt up. ‘You’re wrong. So wrong!’ She stood there, hands clenched, shaking, and realised too late how utterly revealing her reaction had been. She forced herself to sit again, doing what she could to hide her panic. ‘No.’ She moderated her tone. ‘You don’t understand.’ ‘Then explain it to me.’ Explain? Oh, that was impossible, but…‘Music consumes me. I…When I play, nothing else matters. For the time being, it needs to go on the backburner until I get a decent handle on my new life.’ All true, but she couldn’t look at him as she said it. He surveyed her for a long moment. It took a superhuman effort not to fidget. ‘So you haven’t played since you heard about Sarah’s accident?’ The yearning rose within her but she ruthlessly smothered it. ‘There hasn’t been time.’ There would never be time. She’d make sure of it. She’d turned her back on that life of selfishness. His eyes suddenly narrowed. ‘Why do I get the feeling you’re punishing yourself?’ ‘Low blood sugar,’ she prescribed, jumping up. ‘It’s beyond time I serve up that promised cake.’ ‘Tess.’ She halted halfway to the back door and then turned. ‘Cam, can we leave this for now? I…I just need to get my priorities straight and my music messes with that too much. I’ll sort it out eventually, but in the meantime talking about it doesn’t help.’ She hated lying to him. But he was leaving Bellaroo Creek soon and…And it was just too hard. With a nod, he let it be and she could’ve hugged him. To stop from doing anything so stupid, she set up the card table and served tea and cake. Cam ate it with the same relish as she did, and it lifted something inside her. Eventually they both sat back, sated. ‘Tess, about grating all those vegetables.’ His tone made her laugh. ‘Yes?’ ‘I don’t think it’s necessary.’ ‘No? Well, c’mon, convince me, because, believe me, if I never see another grated carrot for as long as I live it’ll be too soon.’ He sobered, that compassion alive in his eyes again. ‘Tess, no matter what you do you’ll never be able to make up to Krissie and Ty that they’ve lost their parents. You can grate from now till kingdom come, but it won’t make a scrap of difference.’ Her throat closed over. ‘And spoiling them in the attempt will be doing them a grave disservice.’ With a superhuman effort, she swallowed. Had she been spoiling them? ‘You think I fuss over them too much, don’t you?’ His face softened. ‘I think when you’re feeling more confident, you’ll relax a bit more.’ ‘So…that’s a yes, then?’ He remained silent. She pondered what he’d said. It should break her heart that she couldn’t make up to Ty and Krissie that they’d lost their parents. And it did, but it was strangely freeing too. It gave her permission to focus on the things she could change. She glanced at Cam. He’d put his exciting plans for Africa on hold for a whole additional month for Krissie and Ty…and for her. She started to smile. ‘You’re saying I’ll never have to grate another carrot in my life?’ ‘That’s exactly what I’m saying.’ He grinned back at her and she couldn’t help it. She leaned across and pressed her lips to his. CHAPTER SIX (#ulink_9de15988-1802-573d-9927-0c95b9c71ccd) CAM DIDN’T PULL away. He didn’t even hesitate. He greeted Tess’s kiss with wholehearted pleasure. One of his hands cupped her face, engulfing her in his warmth. Tendrils of sensation unfurled in her stomach and drifted out to every corner of her body in slow adagios of delight. Waltzing delight. And then the tendrils became licks of fire. Cam’s free hand curved around the back of her neck and he pulled her in closer, his lips moving over hers more fully, more thoroughly, offering her even more delight, making her even hungrier for him. Greedy to taste, greedy to touch, she slid her hands to either side of his face and she explored the texture of his jaw and the strong column of his neck until her hands and fingers were as alive as her lips. When he licked the corner of her mouth, traced the fullness of her bottom lip, she opened up to him and he dragged her right into his lap as their tongues danced. She wound her arms about his neck as if she never meant to let him go. She gave herself up to the thrill of being alive and in his arms. Kissing Cameron was like listening to vibrant, wonderful music. Better yet, it was like making vibrant, wonderful music. Music that could fill the soul and send it soaring free, and Tess wanted to soar and fly and swoop and twirl with Cameron and never stop. She slipped her hand between the buttons of his shirt, needing to touch firm bare skin. His hand slid beneath her shirt, his caress an omen of bliss. And then they both stilled, so unaccountably in tune with each other that they knew. They knew this had become more than a kiss. It was about to become something a whole lot more interesting…if that was what they chose. If. Tess stared up into eyes so vivid with promise that all she had to do was reach out. She sucked her bottom lip into her mouth and tasted him there. Her body clamoured for more, but… She shivered. Ty and Krissie. She gave a tiny shake of her head. She felt the sigh he heaved back, but he nodded his acknowledgement. He went to lift her off his lap, but she held up a hand to forestall him. She dragged in a breath, counted to three…four, and then removed herself under her own steam until she was sitting beside him again. ‘I really shouldn’t have done that,’ she murmured. He surveyed her with watchful eyes, but didn’t say anything. She bit her lip and then shrugged. ‘But while I shouldn’t have kissed you, I can’t find it in myself to be sorry for it.’ She frowned, suddenly realising how selfish that sounded. ‘I mean, I’m sorry if I made you—’ ‘Me neither, Tess,’ he cut in. He leaned back, a grin lighting those ecstasy-inducing lips of his and hunger raged through her. ‘I don’t see why you shouldn’t have done it. I don’t have a problem if you want to do it again.’ He raised his hands. ‘Just saying.’ She laughed and shook her head. ‘I shouldn’t have done it because I liked it too much.’ ‘And there’s a problem with that?’ It was the same as when she played the piano or the guitar—the world receded and the music took over. And until three months ago, she’d let it. Willingly. Gladly. She’d welcomed it. Only now, she knew how selfish that had been. How unfair it had been to those around her. No more. She’d let her selfish obsession keep her from Sarah, when her sister had needed her. She couldn’t afford to let Ty and Krissie down in the same way. ‘There are just too many strikes against us, Cameron.’ ‘Like?’ ‘Like the fact I truly believe Ty and Krissie need stability for a while. I don’t think it’s fair to ask them to adjust to a new man in their lives just yet. Not after everything they’ve been through. I don’t think that’s unreasonable, even if you do. We’re just searching for…’ ‘An even keel.’ She nodded. ‘I really don’t want to mess this up.’ ‘Strike One,’ he murmured. She glanced down at her hands and then back at him. ‘There are other issues too. You have a grudge in your heart that’s bigger than forty hectares of golden canola. Until you come to terms with that, there’ll never be room in your heart for another woman.’ He drew back. ‘I have good reason for that grudge.’ ‘Yes, you do.’ ‘But?’ Couldn’t he see how much his bitterness, how much holding on to his grudge was hurting him? ‘It’s just from where I’m standing—sitting—that’s Strike Two.’ He didn’t say anything. She couldn’t let it go. ‘What Lance and Fiona did to you, Cameron, sucks. But…’ She gripped her hands together. ‘But has it never occurred to you that maybe they never meant for it to happen, that they never meant to hurt you? That maybe they just fell in love with each other? Maybe he’s just as appalled by what’s happened as you are.’ Cam dragged a hand back through his hair, making it stand on end. She ached to reach out and smooth it back down. ‘Look, Tess, all his life Lance has been jealous of me. Jealous that I had a father with a bigger station than his father’s. Jealous that I had two homes I divided my time between. Jealous that I did well at sport and at school. You name it—if it was mine, he wanted it.’ He scowled out at the yard. ‘If he spent half as much time working towards whatever it was he wanted instead of resenting me for having it, or stealing it from me, then he might have achieved something worthwhile. I thought he’d grow out of it. Hoped he would. For heaven’s sake, he’s twenty-six years old! I never thought he would go to such lengths, but…’ His hands clenched. ‘But it appears he still wants what I have, so, no, I haven’t considered the fact that he never meant to hurt me. I know that’s precisely what he was hoping to achieve.’ Bile burned the back of Tess’s throat at the expression in his eyes. ‘He stole all that I most cherished in this world, and he laughed while he did it. Forgiveness, even if he asked for it…’ He broke off, his face growing grimmer. ‘This time he went too far. He involved an innocent third party in his nasty little games.’ All that I most cherished. She swallowed, suddenly nauseous. ‘Fiona?’ The name croaked out of her. He gave one hard nod. She swallowed again. ‘Forgive me for saying this, but the fact she, um…canoodled with your brother while engaged to you doesn’t exactly cast her in the role of an innocent.’ Did he still love that tall, slim woman with the golden ponytail? The thought left a bad taste in her mouth. If her stomach hadn’t been churning so badly she’d have grabbed another piece of cake to override it. ‘Lance has always had more charm than was good for him. He knows how to woo a woman and make her believe he’s in love with her.’ She leant towards him, though she was careful not to touch him. ‘But maybe he really loves Fiona.’ He turned to her then and raised a dark eyebrow. ‘When he’s finished with her, he’ll dump her.’ His lips compressed into a hard, grim line. ‘He’ll break her heart. All just to get back at me.’ That didn’t ring true. Oh, she didn’t doubt for a moment that Cam believed it, but…‘They looked very together at the luncheon…as in a definite couple. Cameron, it’s been ten months. Your mother obviously thinks they mean to marry.’ He didn’t say anything for a long moment. ‘Even if what you say is true, does that excuse the fact that they betrayed me?’ ‘Of course it doesn’t! But maybe it’d prove that they never meant to hurt you, and that has to count for something.’ ‘If it were true, perhaps it would.’ She ached for him then, for the pain she sensed bubbling beneath the surface, his utter sense of betrayal. Forgiveness would bring him peace, if only he would consider it. Ten months. Surely that was long enough. But some wounds, she knew, never healed. She smoothed her hair back, longing to make him smile. ‘Do you know you kiss like an angel, Cameron? And that by holding onto your grudge you’re depriving some woman out there of the most divine kisses, all because you won’t forgive Lance?’ He stared and then a laugh shot out of him. ‘I didn’t realise you could be quite so persistent.’ ‘Dog with a bone,’ she agreed. Speaking of dogs…She glanced around and then blew out a breath when she found Barney and Fluffy sunning themselves only a few feet away. ‘My parents found it one of my less endearing traits.’ But it was the reason she’d become such a fine musician. He leaned towards her, swamping her with his green-grass freshness and all that false promise. She gulped. He didn’t mean to kiss her again, did he? He reached out and traced a finger down her cheek. Her pulse leapt to life beneath it. ‘Tess, regardless of what anyone says, you are divine.’ What if She channelled all the energy she’d put into her music into healing this man, into loving him and showing him there was a better way? Would she succeed? Would she—? She drew back. She didn’t have the time or the luxury for those kinds of games. If she only had herself to consider… But she didn’t. Her skin pimpled with gooseflesh when she recalled the kind of family Sarah had dreamed of having—a wonderful, close-knit family who loved each other, supported each other and did things together. That had all been taken away from her. It had all gone so terribly wrong for her, and for Ty and Krissie too. Tess couldn’t let it go bad for them again. Her fingers shook and her throat tightened. She’d failed Sarah once, but she wouldn’t fail her again. Ty and Krissie were the ones who deserved—who needed—all her energy. And she couldn’t risk their hearts to such an endeavour. She couldn’t let them become so dependent on Cam that they’d be crushed when he left. When he left… ‘And Strike Three,’ she said, ‘you’re planning on leaving town. Unless you’ve changed your mind on that head.’ Her heart gave a traitorous jump. ‘I haven’t changed my mind.’ He stared down at his hands. ‘Strike Three,’ he agreed. They sat in silence for a moment. ‘So lots of reasons not to kiss,’ he said, as if double-checking her resolve. ‘Yep.’ She couldn’t keep the glumness from her voice. Cam rose. ‘I think it’s beyond time that I made tracks.’ A protest clamoured through her but she bit it back. He was right. He set his dusty Akubra on top of his head and touched its brim in a kind of salute. ‘I’ll be seeing you, Tess.’ It had all the finality of an irrevocable goodbye. ‘Let’s go down this road,’ Ty said, pointing to the right. Krissie nodded her agreement. Ty held Barney on his lap, Krissie held Fluffy on her lap, and Tess had a picnic hamper on the passenger seat beside her. It was Saturday. The children had completed their first full week of school, and they’d agreed to spend the day exploring the surrounds of their new home. Tess turned the car obediently in the direction Ty had indicated. All the roads around here seemed to be unsealed, and some of them weren’t in the best of repair. This one was no exception, but she didn’t mind driving slowly to avoid the worst of the potholes and corrugations. It gave her a chance to enjoy the scenery. And the scenery was stunning—long stretches of low hills green with wheat and lucerne. Here and there a river or stream gleamed silver-blue amid the landscape. There were ridges of land dotted with scribbly gums and sheep, and brown fields enclosing brown cattle, muddy dams and dandelions. It was warm enough still to leave the window down and the air was fresh and green, if occasionally dusty. ‘Fluffy thinks that’d be the best spot for our picnic,’ Krissie announced, pointing to a stand of Kurrajong trees up ahead. The trees formed a natural glade that sloped down to a river. Tess glanced at her watch. They’d been driving for just over an hour, and, if her sense of direction was anything to go by, they should’ve nearly completed the loop that would take them back into Bellaroo Creek. They’d taken the road west out of town and the plan had been to circle around and come back in on the town’s northern side. According to her calculations, they couldn’t be more than a couple of kilometres from the township. And it was nearly lunchtime. And she was starving! She pulled the car to the side of the road. ‘Well spotted, Fluffy. This looks like a fabulous picnic spot.’ She hoped whoever owned the land wouldn’t mind them trespassing. ‘Watch out for cows,’ she hollered as the children and animals spilled from the car and raced towards the river. ‘And don’t get too close to the water!’ She was out of breath when she reached them. And, truly, it was the prettiest spot. They all gazed at it in silence for a moment as if to just drink it in. ‘Beautiful,’ Tess breathed. Krissie slipped her hand inside Tess’s. ‘Do you think Cam has a river on his station?’ ‘I haven’t the foggiest, chickadee, but I expect so. You can ask him next time you see him.’ ‘At judo class!’ Both children were excited by the after-school activities on offer, but especially Cam’s judo class. ‘Ninja!’ Ty executed a high, flying kick that made Fluffy flap her wings. ‘Food,’ Tess countered. They spread out a blanket and devoured their picnic—sandwiches, fruit, date scones and bottles of water—sharing it all with Barney and Fluffy. By the time they were finished, Tess wanted nothing more than to curl up on the blanket and doze in the sun. ‘Barney wants to explore,’ Ty announced. ‘Of course he does,’ Tess said, suppressing a grin, a sigh and an eye-roll all in one movement. She glanced at Krissie. ‘Fluffy wants to sleep.’ She sighed. Lucky Fluffy. ‘Right, well, we’ll take our picnic things back to the car and put Fluffy in her cage to sleep.’ Tess had thankfully had the foresight to pack the cage and some newspaper. She left the rear door of the car up and wound down all the windows. ‘Okay, which way does Barney want to go?’ They walked beside the river. With the children and puppy racing off in front of her, leaving her momentarily chatter free, Tess was at leisure to enjoy the peace. After only five minutes of walking, they rounded a bend and a low sandstone and wrought-iron wall brought them up short. Krissie turned back to her. ‘What is it?’ Tess glanced over the fence. It was so overgrown it took her a moment to make out what it was. When she did her stomach gave a queer little jerk. ‘It’s a cemetery,’ she said, watching both children carefully. Neither recoiled, and she let out a breath. ‘Can we go in?’ Shielding her eyes against the sun, Tess followed the sandstone wall around until she found what she was looking for. ‘The entrance is over there.’ She pointed. If they’d driven a little further on they’d have happened upon this spot in the car—it was the very end of the road. Her lips twisted. In more ways than one, she supposed, but she determinedly left the gallows humour behind as she walked through the gate. ‘Ty, Krissie.’ She gestured to the children. ‘There are some rules we need to observe in a cemetery. It’s very bad manners to walk on a grave, so please keep to the paths.’ And there were some, even if they were terribly overgrown in places. Someone was doing what they could to maintain this little cemetery. ‘If you want to look at the headstones walk beside the graves, okay?’ Both children nodded solemnly. ‘What about Barney?’ ‘Puppies are exempt, young man.’ They turned in concert to find an elderly woman, half hidden in the shade of a Kurrajong tree, sitting on a camp chair beside one of the graves. ‘I hope we’re not disturbing you,’ Tess ventured. ‘Not at all, lovey.’ Tess moved towards her. ‘I’m Tess Laing and this is my nephew and niece—’ ‘Tyler and Kristina, yes, I’ve heard about you folk and I’m real pleased you’ve come to settle in Bellaroo Creek. I’m Edna Fairfield. I meant to make it to your luncheon, but my knees aren’t as young as they used to be. My husband, Ted, and I own a pocket of land just back that way.’ She nodded back the way Tess and the children had come. After shy hellos, Ty and Krissie raced off to explore. Tess sat on the grass next to the older woman and Barney settled at her feet to nap. ‘I’m afraid we’ve been trespassing on your land. I’m terribly sorry.’ ‘You’re welcome to wander through our holding whenever you want, lovey.’ They sat in silence for a while. Tess finally gestured. ‘Is this a private cemetery?’ ‘Lord, no, it’s the Bellaroo Creek cemetery, but folks these days prefer to scatter the ashes of their loved ones on the land. Hardly anyone comes here any more.’ ‘But you do?’ ‘My dear mother and father are buried just over there.’ She pointed to a nearby grave. ‘And this here—’ she touched the edge of the grave she sat beside ‘—is where we buried my darling boy, Jack. He was only a tiny tot—eighteen months—when croup took him.’ Tess read the dates on the headstone and a lump lodged in her throat. Edna had been coming here for sixty years to sit by her beloved baby son. ‘Oh, Mrs Fairfield,’ she whispered. ‘I’m so sorry for your loss.’ ‘Don’t you go wasting your sympathy on me, young Tess. Ted and me, we raised three healthy children and sent them out into the world—good strong folk we’re proud of. Into every life there comes some sorrow.’ She might be old but her eyes hadn’t faded and they glanced shrewdly at Tess now. ‘I understand there’s been some recent sorrow in your lives too.’ She nodded. Into every life…She glanced at Ty and Krissie, carefully walking around the graves. ‘I’m thinking, though, that moving out here means we can start focusing on good things again.’ Please, God. ‘I don’t doubt that for a moment.’ She couldn’t help smiling at Edna’s no-nonsense country briskness. ‘But, lovey—’ Edna sighed after a moment ‘—I can’t help wondering who’ll come here and tend my Jack’s grave when Ted and I are gone.’ She shook her head. ‘It’s a silly thing to worry about, I know, but it doesn’t stop me from thinking about it.’ ‘I don’t think it’s silly.’ She didn’t think it was the slightest bit silly. She went to say more but suddenly found Ty and Krissie standing in front of her. Holding hands, no less! ‘Everything okay, poppets?’ ‘Can we bury Mummy here?’ Krissie asked without preamble. Whoa! Okay. Um… She glanced at Edna. ‘Is it still possible to arrange a plot here?’ ‘I expect so, lovey. Lorraine Pritchard would be the person to ask. She’s the president of the Residents Committee.’ ‘That’s Cam’s mum,’ Ty said to Edna. ‘He’s our friend.’ ‘He lives right next door,’ Krissie added. ‘He’s a good young man,’ Edna agreed. ‘He helps Ted out every now and again. Means we can still manage to keep a few head of cattle on our land.’ He did? Tess stared at Edna. What would she and Ted do when Cam left? Cam’s farm ute was parked out the front when they arrived back home. Tess parked beside it and tried to school her wayward heart back into its normal pace and rhythm instead of a ridiculous speeded-up staccato. ‘Can we play on the computer?’ She eyed her nephew and her heart expanded. Two months ago he’d been listless with no enthusiasm for any kind of play. Understandable given the circumstances, but now it seemed the world held a whole list of endless possibilities. She climbed out of the car and crossed her fingers, prayed the worst was behind them now. ‘As long as you promise to let Krissie have her turn too.’ He nodded. ‘Okay, go on, then.’ He was about to race off, Krissie at his heels, when Cam came around the side of the house. ‘Hey, Cam.’ He waved. ‘Hey, kids.’ Krissie flung her arms around Cam’s middle and hugged him. Tess couldn’t prevent a squirm of envy. ‘We found the bestest cemetery,’ she announced, releasing him. ‘You wanna come play on the computer?’ He blinked. ‘Um…Maybe some other time.’ He ruffled her hair. ‘I have to chat to your aunt about some stuff.’ Krissie ran off and Cam turned to her with a frown. ‘What’s so hot about a cemetery?’ ‘They want to inter their mother’s ashes there.’ He pushed the brim of his hat back to stare at her. She nodded. ‘I know. It took me off guard too. It’s all kind of serious, huh?’ She twisted her hands together. Once they interred Sarah’s remains in the Bellaroo Creek cemetery, there’d be no going back. For good or for ill, Bellaroo Creek would become their home. For good. ‘Are you okay with that?’ ‘Sure.’ As long as Bellaroo Creek flourished. As long as the primary school remained open. As long… She kicked herself into action. Standing still for too long allowed doubts to bombard her. And what was the use in those? Striding around the car, she retrieved Fluffy and the cage. ‘So what’s wrong?’ She sent him a swift glance. ‘Who says anything’s wrong?’ ‘I do. Your eyes are darker than normal and you have a tiny furrow here.’ He touched a spot on her forehead, before taking the cage from her. She folded her arms. How could this man be so attuned to her and yet be so far out of reach? She clamped her lips shut. He was out of reach. That was the pertinent fact. Everything else was just…wishful thinking. ‘Tess?’ She turned away, swallowing back a sigh, and led the way down the side of the house. ‘They want to inter their mother’s remains in Bellaroo Creek’s cemetery, but they’ve made no mention of their father.’ She plonked herself down on the garden bench and watched Cam as he placed Fluffy into her mansion of a coop. He was a joy to watch. He might be big, but he didn’t lumber about like a bear. He moved with the grace of a big cat. She forced her gaze away, only turning back when he took a seat beside her. ‘And that’s a problem?’ She thought about it. ‘I don’t know. Potentially, I guess. We had Sarah and Bruce cremated, but I had no idea what to do with the ashes. A counsellor suggested I let the children be part of the decision-making process, but they were appalled at the thought of scattering the ashes. So…’ ‘So you brought them with you.’ ‘They were very insistent that their mother should come with us.’ ‘But their father?’ ‘Not a brass razoo.’ She shook her head. ‘And I couldn’t very well leave him behind, could I?’ ‘I guess not.’ He squinted up at the sky. ‘I expect they’ll need closure at some point.’ ‘Lord, I hope so.’ She grinned at him. ‘Because I’m not sure I want Bruce living on the top of my wardrobe for the next twenty years.’ He laughed as she’d meant him to, but he leaned towards her, and that suddenly seemed dangerous. ‘And, yet, why do I get the feeling that if that’s how long Krissie and Ty need, then that’s exactly where Bruce will stay?’ He smelled like cut grass, dirt and fresh air. It hit her that he smelled like Bellaroo Creek. When he went to Africa, he’d be taking a little bit of Bellaroo Creek with him. The thought should’ve made her smile. ‘I met Edna Fairfield.’ He leaned back. ‘Keeping Jack company?’ ‘Uh-huh.’ She eyed him for a moment. He rolled his shoulders. ‘What?’ ‘She has a very high opinion of you.’ ‘I have a high opinion of her and Ted.’ ‘They’ll miss you if you leave.’ ‘When, Tess. When I leave.’ She shook herself. ‘That’s what I meant.’ He had exciting, not to mention important, work to look forward to in Africa. He had the promise of adventure before him, the once-in-a-lifetime experience of immersing himself in another culture and sharing his knowledge, and helping make the world a better place. She couldn’t begrudge him his dream, but… She pulled in a breath. ‘I liked her a lot. I don’t know much about cattle, but…but could you teach me what to do so I can help them out?’ ‘Nope.’ She gaped at him. ‘Lord, Tess, you think I’m just going to abandon them?’ ‘Well, aren’t you?’ He was abandoning all of Bellaroo Creek, wasn’t he? ‘I’ve told Fraser to keep an eye on things out there, to help wherever needed.’ His station manager? ‘It won’t be the same, you know?’ ‘That can’t be helped.’ She supposed he was right. ‘If you really want to help Edna out, you’ll drop out there when her fruit trees are full and pick the fruit for her…and ask her to teach you how to bottle it, and how to make jam. She’d love that.’ ‘Excellent.’ She’d have to find out when the trees came into fruit. Oh, and she’d better find out what kind of fruit trees they were too. ‘Plum and mulberry. And you’ll be looking at about November.’ The man could read minds. ‘And I also think you should come to judo lessons.’ His sudden change of topic threw her like an unexpected rhythm or an atonal jazz riff. ‘You mean…participate? Be one of your students?’ ‘What would it hurt to learn a few self-defence tactics?’ Nothing, she supposed, but she’d never precisely been the sporty type. ‘And you’re going to be there anyway, bringing Ty and Krissie to the class. So, why not?’ She saw it then, what it was he was trying to do. ‘You think Ty and Krissie will feel safer if I know how to defend myself.’ Her heart thumped and her hands clenched. ‘I think it’s a good idea for every woman to know how to defend herself.’ She chewed her bottom lip. ‘Come on, Tess, I’m not talking about grating carrots here.’ He was right. ‘It’s an excellent suggestion.’ ‘Good.’ ‘Now what can I do for you?’ He blinked. And for a moment she could’ve sworn the colour heightened on his cheekbones. Her heart leapt into her throat and it was all she could do not to cough and choke and make a fool of herself. ‘I mean,’ she rasped out, gazing everywhere except at him, ‘I expect there’s a reason you dropped by this afternoon, other than to bully me into taking your judo class?’ He leapt off the bench and strode several feet away. ‘I wanted to find out what you had in mind for a vegetable garden,’ he said, his back to her, and she knew he felt the same heat, the same urgency, that she did. ‘I am getting forty prime hectares practically scot-free, after all. I mean to keep my word, Tess. Chicken coop—tick. Puppy—tick. Vegetable garden—still pending.’ ‘You didn’t just build a chicken coop. You built a chicken palace!’ As far as she was concerned, he’d well and truly paid off any debt he’d owed. He turned and squinted into the sun. ‘Are you after a, um, vegetable patch on the same sort of scale?’ She laughed at the expression on his face, though she didn’t doubt for a moment that if she wanted it he’d do his best to make it a reality. ‘Truly, Cameron, I just want a home for all of these.’ She gestured to the ragged array of donated pots and planters. ‘And whatever else you think might be a good idea to plant.’ ‘I was sorting through them when you pulled up. You’ve a nice variety there.’ ‘The town’s generosity knows no bounds.’ ‘They want you to stay.’ And she wanted to stay. She had to make this move work. She had to. Her smile faded when she recalled the expression on Edna’s face when she’d wondered aloud about who would tend Jack’s grave when she was gone. A shiver of unease threaded through her. ‘You’re not having second thoughts, are you?’ he rapped out. ‘No!’ ‘But?’ She swallowed. ‘But it didn’t hit me until today how tenuous the town’s survival is. And I’ve thrown my lot—and Tyler and Krissie’s—in with the town’s.’ What if the school closed? What if the town did die a slow death? What would they do? It would mean more upheaval and that would be her fault. ‘Tess.’ She glanced up. ‘Nobody can foresee the future. All you can do is make the here and now meaningful.’ Right. She knew he was right. ‘And work with the Save-Our-Town committee to attract even more new blood to the area. Okay?’ She drew in a breath and nodded. He smiled. ‘Now are you going to help me measure out this garden bed or what?’ ‘Aye-aye, sir.’ She clicked her heels together. ‘Right after I ring your mother. Apparently she’s the one I should talk to about organising a plot at the cemetery.’ He dug his phone out of his pocket and tossed it to her. ‘She’s on speed dial.’ Pulling a tape measure from his hip pocket, he moved away to give her a measure of privacy. She brought up his list of saved numbers. Lorraine’s number was the second on the list. The first was Lance’s. All you can do is make the here and now meaningful. She stared at Cameron’s back as she placed her call. CHAPTER SEVEN (#ulink_8e339edf-c4c0-54cf-836d-cfef00c4d172) LORRAINE ORGANISED A working bee at the cemetery with all the speed and efficiency of a conductor’s flourish. ‘We can’t hold a memorial service there with it looking the way it is! It’s beyond time we tidied it up.’ Which was why Tess and the kids found themselves getting ready to return to the cemetery the following Saturday. Tess finally managed to convince Krissie that Fluffy would be much happier staying behind in her chicken mansion rather than attending a busy, noisy working bee. When she rose and turned she found Cam standing directly behind her and her skin flared and her stomach tumbled and a bubble of something light and airy rose within her. Her heart fluttered up into her throat. She swallowed it back down into her chest and tried to pop the bubble with silent verbal thrusts. He’ll be gone soon. But her brain refused to cooperate. It was too busy revelling in the undiluted masculinity on display. In low-slung jeans, soft with wear, and a faded cotton twill work shirt—with buttons…buttons that could be undone—he made her fingers itch to run all over him in the same way they did whenever she was near a piano. She took a step back. ‘Hello, Cameron.’ He blinked and that was when she realised he’d been staring at her as intently as she’d been staring at him. Her skin flared hotter. They both glanced away. ‘Are you coming with us to the working bee?’ Krissie asked. ‘Working bee?’ He glanced at Tess. She frowned. Hadn’t Lorraine spoken to him? None of your business. She cleared her throat and folded her arms. ‘The town’s organised a clean-up of the cemetery. We’re just about to head out there now.’ ‘I didn’t hear about it.’ She unfolded her arms. Well, why not? It— None of your business. She folded her arms again. ‘You have to come,’ Ty said. ‘It won’t be the same if you’re not there.’ That was one way of putting it. Cam smoothed a hand down his jaw. ‘The thing is, buddy, I was going to start on your vegetable garden today.’ ‘But we want to help you do that, don’t we, Auntie Tess?’ ‘We do.’ ‘And the working bee is for our mummy.’ Krissie slid her hand into Cam’s. ‘Please…you have to come.’ Tess had to choke back a laugh. Talk about emotional blackmail! She clapped her hands briskly. ‘Okay, kids, grab your hats and, Ty, make sure you bring Barney’s lead.’ The kids raced off. Cam stared at her. She sucked her bottom lip into her mouth. He followed the action and his eyes darkened. She released it again, her pulse pounding in her throat. She wheeled away to stare blindly at the backyard. ‘I don’t feel right about you working here without us being around to help. I want to learn.’ ‘It’ll mostly be brute work today.’ ‘Nevertheless.’ There was a pause. ‘Is that a roundabout way of saying you’d like me to come to the cemetery instead?’ ‘I’d love you to come.’ And she meant it. She really wanted him to be part of the working bee, but she wasn’t quite sure what that meant. Except she needed to be careful. Very careful. She needed to fight her fascination for this man, or it would all end in tears. If they were only her tears that wouldn’t matter, but…She glanced towards the house. ‘I think it’s only fair to warn you that I expect your mother, Lance and Fiona will all be there today.’ Again there was a long pause. ‘You think I’m afraid to come face-to-face with them?’ He stole all that I most cherished. ‘I think you’ve been doing your best to avoid them.’ A part of her didn’t blame him. She wouldn’t want to come face-to-face with the person she loved more than life itself on a daily basis and know they’d chosen someone else. And not just any anonymous someone else either, but a sibling. It’d be like ripping a scab off a wound again and again. She could understand why he wanted to leave Bellaroo Creek. She could even see why he might need to. She couldn’t see that cutting himself off from the entire community in the meantime was the thing to do, though. He hadn’t done anything to be ashamed of. ‘You know—’ she planted her hands on her hips ‘—I think you’ve made it awfully easy for Lance and Fiona. It wouldn’t hurt them to have to see you on a regular basis and feel awkward and ashamed about what they’ve done.’ He laughed. It surprised her. ‘It’s nice to have you in my corner, Tess.’ Was that what she was? You want to be a whole lot more than just in his corner. She shook the thought off, refused to follow it, tried to focus on the conversation. ‘That’s your problem with your mother, isn’t it? You feel she’s not on your side.’ ‘She’s not,’ he said bluntly. ‘She’s always favoured Lance. And, no, that’s not jealous sibling rivalry talking, Tess, but…’ Her heart stilled at the expression on his face. ‘But?’ ‘I realised something when we were up at the school the other day. When my mother left my father, he withdrew into himself. He still managed the farm but he had no social life. He let all his friendships slip; he let his position in the community go. When he died he’d closed himself off so completely that the only person left to mourn him was me.’ She pressed a hand to her chest. ‘Oh, Cameron, I’m so sorry.’ What a terrible story. And what a sad household for a boy to grow up in. No wonder— ‘But I have no intention of following his lead.’ She stared at him for a long moment. ‘That’s one of the reasons you’re going overseas.’ ‘I might never have a wife and children, but it doesn’t mean I can’t find meaning in something I’m passionate about. It doesn’t mean I can’t have adventures and contribute to the world.’ Helping to feed the world would be a huge contribution. Africa would be an amazing adventure. He’d experience the most awe-inspiring things and eventually his heart would heal. Eventually. ‘But in the meantime, it’s time to stop holing up like a hermit.’ She lifted her chin. ‘I think that’s an excellent plan.’ He stared at her and then pursed his lips. ‘But?’ This is none of your business. She lifted a shoulder. ‘Just because things didn’t work out with Fiona doesn’t mean you’ll never fall in love again.’ He shook his head. ‘I saw what love did to my father.’ His eyes grew grim, dark…shadowed. ‘No, thanks, once was enough. I’m not diving into that particular hellhole again. I’ll find satisfaction elsewhere.’ She grimaced. Feeding the world was all well and good, but an abstract concept couldn’t give you a big fat hug when you needed it. She opened her mouth but he held up a hand. ‘Leave it now, Tess.’ She moistened her lips and then nodded. He’d make friends on his adventure. They’d look after him. For no reason at all, a hole opened up inside her. ‘You know,’ she started, turning back towards the house, ‘I used to be really good at minding my own business.’ One side of his mouth hooked up. ‘I don’t believe that for a moment.’ The thing was, it was true. She’d been too caught up in her music to notice if anyone had been feeling down or worried. How selfish she’d been! She’d been too self-absorbed to involve herself in other people’s problems, in other people’s lives. In a way, she’d cut herself off as comprehensively as Cam had. Her chest burned. Giving up music had been a good thing. But that bubble of half-happiness half-excitement that had been floating around inside her ever since she’d turned and seen Cameron finally popped. ‘Would you like to come with us, Cam?’ ‘I’ll meet you at the cemetery. I’ll run back home and collect a few tools first.’ She waved him off as Ty and Krissie piled into the car. She pushed her shoulder back and drew in a breath. A big one. These kids were worth every sacrifice she’d have to make. She’d choose them over music any day of the week—even when they were running her ragged. She’d choose them over a man. Yes. She slid behind the steering wheel and nodded. This was the life they were meant to be living. I won’t let you down, Sarah. Lorraine set the men to work with lawnmowers and whippersnippers clearing the scrub from around the fence line and mowing the paths. The women and children she set to work clearing weeds from around the graves and scrubbing headstones clean of moss and lichen. Having never been a part of a working bee before, Tess enjoyed the sense of camaraderie with the dozen or so other workers. As expected, the handful of children eventually took off to play in the neighbouring paddock—eight children, three dogs and two soccer balls. One of the older women kept an eye on them. ‘Don’t worry yourself,’ she’d said to Tess when Tess had wandered over to check on them for the third time. ‘We know out here that at least one person needs to keep an eye on the children to avert potential accidents. And it’s a treat for me to sit in the sun like this and listen to the littlies.’ With her fears eased, she’d returned to work pulling weeds from around a grave. Lorraine came up, touched her arm. ‘Tess, I want to thank you for convincing Cameron to come along.’ Tess sat back on her heels. ‘I had nothing to do with it. I was only surprised he didn’t know about it.’ The older woman’s hand fluttered about her throat. She glanced away. ‘When the children told him, though, he was more than happy to lend a hand.’ Lorraine turned back with an overbright smile. ‘All I can say is that it’s lovely to see him here.’ Tess met the other woman’s gaze. ‘Then you might want to tell him that some time.’ She blinked. ‘You think he’d…’ She swallowed. ‘It’s his birthday next Sunday, you know? It’s one of those birthdays that ends in a zero. Maybe I…’ Tess didn’t want to appear too interested. She went back to pulling weeds. ‘Are you planning anything special?’ Would she like Tess’s help? ‘Oh, no, I don’t think so. I don’t think he’d welcome that.’ The older woman’s sigh touched her heart. The secateurs suddenly felt heavy in her hands. What would she do if Ty and Krissie were ever at sixes and sevens the way Cam and Lance were? She suppressed a shudder. She’d do everything in her power to make sure that never happened. If it did, she’d do everything in her power to fix it. But what if that wasn’t enough? ‘Listen to me rambling on! Time to get back to work.’ Lorraine moved away to oversee more job delegation. Tess glanced around until she found Cam’s broad capable bulk, whipper-snipper in hand, cutting a swathe through the long grass on the other side of the cemetery. He looked at ease, comfortable, in his element, and Tess followed his lead, giving herself up to working in the fresh air beneath an autumn sun that wasn’t too fierce. ‘Hello, I’m Fiona. We met briefly at the luncheon.’ Tess blinked to find the flawless blonde working on the other side of the grave. She suddenly found herself battling the desire to reach out and slap the other woman or to just get up and walk away. Whoa! She rocked back on her heels. ‘I remember,’ she managed, but something in her tone made the other woman flush. Be nice! ‘Gorgeous day for it, isn’t it?’ ‘Yes.’ Fiona didn’t immediately set back to work, but stared at a point beyond Tess’s right shoulder. ‘Cam is looking well.’ Ah…‘Well? Gorgeous more like.’ She turned to look too. ‘That man is a sight for sore eyes.’ When she turned back she found Fiona staring at her. ‘Are you and Cam—?’ She broke off. ‘Sorry, that’s none of my business.’ Tess went back to weeding. She had no intention of satisfying Fiona’s curiosity. ‘Look, Tess.’ Fiona set her clippers down. ‘What I really want to know is if he’s doing as well as he looks.’ Tess glanced up. ‘Why don’t you ask him some time? I understand you used to be close.’ The flawless skin suddenly flushed pink. ‘Oh! You think I’m a right piece of work, don’t you?’ She sat with a thump on the side of the grave—a cement rectangle with an angel atop the headstone. Tess kept her mouth very firmly shut. ‘I never meant for all this to happen. I never meant to fall in love with Lance and cause a rift between the brothers.’ And yet she had. And from what Tess could see, Fiona wasn’t doing anything about it—wasn’t trying to bridge gaps or make amends. ‘I know Cam is the better man.’ That had Tess’s head swinging around. ‘The thing is, you see, he never really needed me. He’s so strong and honourable and…self-sufficient. I can’t complain about the way he treated me—he treated me like a queen—and yet…I never felt I’d made much of an impact on him.’ How wrong Fiona had been! She opened her mouth and then snapped it shut again. She had no intention of betraying Cam’s confidence. ‘But with Lance…’ Fiona turned to glance at Lance and her whole face lit up. Tess’s stomach clenched. ‘Lance needs me.’ She turned back to Tess, her face earnest. ‘I feel I can help make him a better man. I don’t expect you to understand because you’re strong, like Cam.’ Her, strong? That was laughable. ‘Taking on your niece and nephew like you have proves that,’ Fiona continued. ‘But I’m the kind of person who needs to be needed. And that’s why I’m with Lance instead of Cam.’ Couldn’t she have found a different man who needed her instead of Cam’s brother? A bustle at the front gates interrupted them. ‘It’s the CWA with lunch,’ Fiona explained, rising. ‘I’ll go lend them a hand.’ ‘You do that,’ Tess muttered under her breath, pulling out a weed with a vicious tug. No doubt the CWA needed her. Man, what a flake! What on earth had Cam seen in her? Other than her flawless skin. And her perky blonde ponytail. Oh, and her model-like figure. She sat back on her heels scowling at the grave, but after a moment she started to laugh. Oh, did she have the green-eyed monster bad or what? Fiona was probably a perfectly nice woman. And to give her credit, she did seem genuinely sorry for hurting Cam and creating a rift between him and Lance. Though, from what Cam had said, that rift had been widening well before Fiona had come onto the scene. Mind your own business. As for the jealousy, she had no right to that. No right whatsoever. Cam was more than ready for lunch when it was announced. Breakfast seemed like hours ago and he expected they’d all worked up healthy appetites. He joined the throng around the CWA tables and started loading up a paper plate with sandwiches and party pies. ‘Hello, Cam, would you like a mug of tea?’ Fiona. He waited for his gut to clench. It did. A fraction. Not as much as he expected, though. ‘Thanks.’ He nodded. ‘Are you well?’ She was obviously trying to make an effort. ‘Never better.’ He went to ask her how she was, but his arm was suddenly tugged. ‘Cam,’ Ty asked, ‘can I feed Barney a party pie?’ ‘Sure you can, buddy. Just make sure it’s cooled down first, okay?’ And then he found he’d wandered away from the table and he hadn’t made the polite enquiry of Fiona after all. With a shrug, he set off for a spot in the shade of a Kurrajong tree. ‘Hey, Tess.’ Lance called out from his spot in the sun on the other side of the gated entrance from Cam. ‘Why don’t you join us?’ Cam’s gut clenched up tighter than a newly sprung barbedwire fence. With his back stiff and rigid, he kept moving towards the Kurrajong tree. ‘No, thanks,’ Tess called back. ‘I prefer the view over here.’ And then she was sitting beside him on the newly clipped grass and gesturing at the scene spread in front of them. ‘It’s really starting to take shape, isn’t it?’ The woman stole his breath. ‘This working-bee idea is really something.’ He glanced around at the clumps of people settling down to have their lunch and his throat tightened. He’d honestly thought, once, that he could make his simple dream come true in this community. Days like today brought the disappointment home to him afresh. And yet… He couldn’t deny it’d been invigorating working in the sun, side by side with people he’d known his entire life. He glanced at Tess—and some he’d known for less than a month. ‘Yeah, I guess it is,’ he finally agreed. And if she noticed the strain in his voice, she didn’t mention it. I prefer the view over here. He found himself starting to grin. ‘I think this will be the perfect spot to bury Sarah.’ She shrugged when he glanced at her. ‘Well, to inter her ashes or whatever it’s called. You know what I mean. It’s a nice spot for a final resting place.’ He supposed she was right. ‘What did you do with your father’s remains, Cameron?’ ‘I scattered his ashes on Kurrajong Station. It’s what he wanted.’ She nodded and bit into a sandwich. ‘That’s nice too.’ What about her parents? Were they still living? ‘Will your parents come to the memorial service?’ ‘I doubt it.’ She lowered her sandwich to her plate and he immediately regretted asking the question. ‘Forget I asked,’ he ordered. ‘It’s none of my business.’ She shot him a look that made him laugh, and then she shrugged. ‘I don’t mind. It’s kind of funny coming to a place like Bellaroo Creek. You’ve all known each other so long that you know each other’s histories.’ She turned those big brown eyes to him and he had to swallow. He shifted and covered his lap with his plate, and hoped she didn’t notice how tightly he gritted his teeth. ‘It’s nice,’ she finally finished. ‘You’re fitting in brilliantly.’ She flashed him a smile. ‘I’m not feeling insecure, but thank you. I know it’ll take time, but so far it’s going better than I’d hoped.’ That was okay, then. ‘My parents are…distant,’ she said, picking her sandwich up again. ‘Sarah and I actually came from quite a privileged background, but to be honest I’m not really sure why my parents had children. We were raised by nannies.’ The sweet vulnerable curve of her mouth turned down and her slender shoulders drooped for a moment, and an ugly darkness welled in his gut. ‘So, to be honest with you, I don’t really know them. Obviously they came to Sarah and Bruce’s actual funeral.’ But he could see now that they’d provided Tess with no support whatsoever. ‘And I very much doubt they’ll ever visit us out here at Bellaroo Creek. They’ve been living in America these last few years.’ He shifted. ‘Privileged, you say?’ She nodded. ‘So, you could’ve organised nannies for Ty and Krissie and kept your career?’ ‘It’s what my parents wanted me to do.’ He saw now that Tess had too much compassion and natural sympathy, too much integrity to have abandoned her niece and nephew. She rolled her eyes. ‘Apparently a daughter who’s a concert pianist and f?ted classical guitarist has more cachet than one who is merely a mother and housekeeper.’ They should be proud of her and all she’d taken on! ‘I couldn’t let Sarah down,’ she said softly. He reached out and briefly clasped her hand. ‘She’d be proud of you, Tess.’ ‘I hope so,’ she whispered, her eyes suspiciously bright. She blinked and then resumed eating. ‘We always promised each other that if we ever had children we’d be hands-on parents—the opposite of our own.’ He understood that perfectly. He couldn’t imagine having a child and then farming it out for other people to look after. Even the folk around here who sent their kids to boarding school couldn’t wait for end of term time. ‘She left me a letter, you know?’ ‘Sarah?’ She nodded. ‘She knew something was going to happen to her?’ ‘I think after Bruce’s accident it really hit home to her how life can change in an instant. She said she wouldn’t offend me by asking me to raise Ty and Krissie as if they were my own—she knew I would. She told me all the good things I had to offer them. And then she told me about the life insurance policy she’d organised so we’d never have to worry about money.’ ‘She wanted to be prepared,’ he murmured. In case life ever played her another nasty trick. She’d been smart. ‘Which is why you should get married and have kids, Cam. ’Cause, the way things currently stand, if anything happens to you Lance will probably inherit Kurrajong Station, and we can’t have that.’ He stared, and then he threw his head back and laughed. ‘You never give up, do you?’ ‘Nope.’ He shook his head. ‘Sarah sounds like a hell of a woman, Tess.’ ‘She was.’ Her eyes turned misty and faraway and he knew she no longer saw the cemetery and this golden autumn day. ‘She was four years older and became a bit of a surrogate mother to me.’ ‘And you hero-worshipped her, right?’ She’d had the kind of relationship with Sarah he’d hungered to have with Lance. He promptly lost his appetite. Tess laughed. He loved the sound. ‘I expect I plagued her half to death. But I remember…’ She leaned forward, her eyes dreamy and distant again. Thirst snaked through him and the longer he gazed at her, the thirstier he became, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away. ‘What do you remember?’ ‘Music was my passion.’ She sat back. ‘No, it was more than that. It drove me, rode me…obsessed me. I would practise for hours and hours, driven to get a piece just right. I’d stay up into the wee small hours, practising and playing and practising more and more. And Sarah would sit up with me, and when I was about to drop with exhaustion she’d put me to bed.’ His heart started to ache. Ty and Krissie had lost their mother, and that was a terrible thing. But Tess had lost a sister—a much-loved sister—and who had held her in their arms and let her cry out her grief? Certainly not her parents. Tears swam in her eyes. ‘I miss her so much.’ He reached out to touch her cheek, but suddenly a little dynamo in the shape of Krissie burst up between them. Her bottom lip wobbled as she stared at Tess. ‘Why are you crying?’ Tess held her arms open and Krissie threw herself into them. His heart clenched when Tess lifted her face to the sun and dragged in a breath to steady herself. So strong! ‘I was just telling Cam about your mum and I got to missing her.’ ‘I miss her too,’ Krissie whispered. ‘I know, chickadee.’ Krissie snuggled closer. ‘Tell me a story about when you and Mummy were kids like Ty and me. Were you ever naughty?’ ‘Never!’ Tess feigned shock and Krissie giggled. ‘Except—’ she winked ‘—this one time when we were in high school. We both really, really wanted to see this movie—Charlie’s Angels—and we actually snuck out of school early to go and watch it.’ Krissie covered her mouth with both her hands, her eyes wide. ‘What’s more, we bought the biggest popcorn we could find and the biggest cola you ever did see.’ ‘Did you get caught?’ Krissie breathed. ‘No, but we got the biggest tummy aches, which served us right for being such gluttons!’ Tess tickled Krissie until she squealed with delight and then ran back off to find what the other children were doing. Cam wanted to hug Tess the way she’d hugged Krissie. He wanted to tickle her until she felt better too. His lips twisted. Who was he trying to kid? He wanted to kiss her until neither one of them could think straight. But that wouldn’t make her feel better, not in the long term. He blinked to find her eyeing him as hungrily as he did her. His skin tightened, but he ignored it. He had to tread carefully around this woman. She’d taken on a lot. She’d sacrificed a lot, and it would be cruel and thoughtless of him to make her life harder. She didn’t deserve that. She deserved to grow roots and be surrounded by a community that would look out for her. She deserved to be loved by a man who could give her security and a loving family. She deserved a man who meant to stay in Bellaroo Creek. He crushed his plate into a ball. He wasn’t any of those things. But… There was one more thing she deserved. ‘Tess?’ ‘Hmm?’ ‘I think you’re making a big mistake.’ She swung to him, brown eyes wide and alert. ‘About?’ ‘Giving up your music.’ Her face closed up. ‘I haven’t given it up. I’m giving music lessons for the school, aren’t I? Ty, Krissie and I sing all the time—I’m teaching them to harmonise. As for being on stage—’ ‘I’m not talking about being on stage. Tess, when was the last time you played the piano or picked up a guitar?’ She flinched. ‘What’s that got to do with anything?’ ‘I think it has everything to do with it.’ ‘You don’t know what you’re talking about.’ Every instinct he had told him he was right. Sacrificing something that was such a part of who she was would damage her in a fundamental way. Maybe not this year or the next, but eventually. ‘Do you think Sarah would approve of you punishing yourself like this?’ Tess went to leap up, but he grabbed her arm. ‘I’m not going to let this lie, Tess. I’m going to get to the bottom of it.’ She subsided back to the ground beside him. ‘And what do you think you’re going to find when you do? Do you think it’s going to be pretty or something you can fix? Because it’s not pretty and it can’t be fixed. So as far as I’m concerned talking about it is pointless.’ ‘I mightn’t be able to fix it, Tess, but bottling it up won’t help either.’ She had to look away then because his eyes told her he only wanted her to be happy. And she knew his questions came from a good place, not a bad one. ‘Tess?’ And he wouldn’t leave it alone; she knew that too. If he knew the truth then he’d see that she was right. Even if it did change his opinion of her for the worse. ‘Sarah asked me to come home at the beginning of December.’ She stared at her hands. ‘But I had a whole series of concerts lined up and I put her off for a month.’ A whole month! ‘Later, when I did get home…’ When it was too late. ‘I found out Sarah had been trying to set up a second residence and was in the process of moving the children there.’ She’d wanted Tess to come home and help her. But Tess, in her selfishness and self-absorption, had put Sarah off for a whole month. Who knew what they could’ve accomplished together in a month, what changes they could’ve made…what disasters they could’ve averted. Instead of making a difference in her sister’s life, she’d chosen to shine on stage instead. She straightened. But she wouldn’t let Sarah down again. She’d look after Ty and Krissie and give them all the love she had, give them the absolute best lives she could. It wouldn’t be enough. It would never be enough. But it was something. ‘Hey!’ She blinked at the hard command in Cam’s voice. ‘Did she tell you why she wanted you to come home?’ ‘No, but—’ ‘Then you have nothing to beat yourself up about.’ He was wrong about that. ‘She asked so little of me over the years.’ She should’ve come home. ‘She should’ve been straight with you. Nothing that happened to Bruce and Sarah was of your making.’ ‘No, but—’ ‘And whipping yourself into a frenzy of guilt is ludicrous. You didn’t cause Bruce’s accident. You weren’t driving the car that left the road and hit the tree. Hell, Tess, you’re giving these kids a great life. You should be proud of yourself.’ Proud of herself for not being there when Sarah had needed her? Never! ‘Depriving yourself of your music—’ She leaned towards him. ‘When I chose my music over Sarah, music let me down. I let me down. But, worse, I let Sarah down.’ She shook her head. ‘I’m not risking that again.’ ‘Tess, I think Sarah would weep in her grave if she knew all you’d given up.’ Tears clogged her throat. This time when she leapt up, he let her go. ‘My life has a different focus now and I’m pleased about that.’ She was! She pointed behind her. ‘I’ll go help clear the food away.’ Tess had been working steadily for an hour when Lance stormed up. ‘You have no right upsetting Fi!’ She stared up at him. ‘Lower your voice,’ she snapped. ‘You upset my kids again and I will have your guts for garters, got it?’ His mouth opened and closed. He dropped down to sit on the side of the grave she was working on. ‘I, uh…I didn’t mean to appear so…’ She quirked an eyebrow. ‘Aggressive?’ He raked a hand through his pretty blond hair. ‘I’ve never thought of myself as scary to kids before,’ he muttered. ‘Then maybe you should stop puffing your chest out and beating it in that ridiculous fashion, and learn some manners.’ She swore his jaw dropped to the ground at his feet. She didn’t doubt for a single moment that the women in his life mollycoddled him, and she had no intention of joining their ranks. Still… She rose, planting her hands on her hips. ‘And I didn’t upset Fiona. I suspect she upset herself. I believe it’s called a guilty conscience.’ He turned beet-red and glanced away. Interesting. Maybe he wasn’t immune to a guilty conscience either. ‘Still, at least it appears you really do love her.’ He swung back. ‘Of course I love her.’ He gazed to where Fiona worked and his face took on a goofy expression. ‘I mean, she’s the best girl in the world.’ He glanced back at her, the blue of his eyes suddenly bleak. ‘I didn’t mean to…’ She waited but he didn’t go on. ‘You’re wrong about Cam too. He’s not trying to ruin you. I doubt he’d ever stoop to something so petty.’ He squinted down at the ground. ‘Cam never was petty. But after what I did, who could blame him for wanting his revenge?’ She let the silence speak for her. He rose with a sick kind of pallor. ‘I wish…’ She ran out of patience with him then. ‘For God’s sake, stop thinking about yourself for once! Have you ever considered actually apologising to Cameron for your appalling behaviour?’ His eyes started from his head. ‘Are you joking? He wouldn’t listen. I expect he’d deck me!’ ‘Then you’re a stupider man than I thought.’ With that, she turned away sick to her stomach. Cam deserved so much more than what any of his family had given him. It’s nice to have you in my corner. She set her shoulders. Cam mightn’t be here for much longer, but for as long as he was in Bellaroo Creek she had every intention of remaining in his corner. CHAPTER EIGHT (#ulink_7bd0062a-d63e-5b8b-9b78-d77246e57522) ‘SHOULDN’T WE BUY Cam a present if it’s his birthday?’ Tess glanced at Ty. ‘I think you and Krissie should make him a birthday card. I bought cardboard, glitter pens and stickers.’ She’d lugged them all the way from Sydney sure they’d find a use for them, and she set them on the kitchen table now. ‘Plus, we are making him the best cake in the world.’ ‘With cream and jam in the middle and sprinkles on top?’ Krissie double-checked. ‘That’s right, chickadee.’ ‘And I’m going to take my pin-the-tail on the donkey game,’ she added. ‘I think Cam will love playing that.’ ‘I’m sure you’re right.’ ‘I know!’ Ty’s face lit up. ‘I can write him a story. We’re writing stories at school and Mrs Bennet said I was good at them.’ ‘Cam would love a story,’ Tess agreed. ‘And you can make a proper cover for it out of the cardboard and draw a picture on it.’ Hopefully book and card building would keep the two of them occupied for the next thirty minutes while she worked out how to cut her sponge in half, fill it with jam and cream, and then ice it. Krissie suddenly rose from the kitchen table to press herself to Tess’s side. ‘Mrs Bennet’s leaving at the end of the year. She’s re…re…’ Tess’s heart clenched at the anxiety that threaded through her niece’s eyes. How she wished she could shield them from everything that worried or frightened them. ‘She’s retiring.’ Tess’s own heart clenched then too. ‘Which means you’ll have a brand-new teacher next year.’ Please, God, because if Bellaroo Creek couldn’t attract a new teacher to town, and the school closed… Her stomach churned, but she made her voice cheerful. ‘And we’ll have to make sure they feel as welcome to town as we did.’ ‘And then we won’t be the newest people any more,’ Ty said. Krissie bit her lip. ‘Do you think we’ll like her…or him?’ Ty glanced up at Krissie’s ‘or him’, his eyes wary. It made Tess’s heart burn harder. ‘I’m sure we will.’ She sent them both her biggest smile. Reassured, they returned to their card and story making. ‘That’s the best cake in the world!’ Krissie said in awe a little while later when Tess stepped away from the cake to admire her handiwork. ‘And that’s one super-duper card.’ Tess picked it up to admire Krissie’s handiwork. ‘And I’m finished too!’ Ty handed her the book he’d made. He’d stapled the pages between cardboard and had drawn a…um…She’d challenge even Sarah to hazard a guess about that one. ‘It looks just like a proper book!’ That was obviously the right response because Ty beamed at her. ‘It’s a story about a cowboy.’ ‘Which will be perfect for Cam,’ she agreed, glancing again at the cover trying to make out either a cow or a horse or a cowboy. She clapped her hands. ‘Okay, go wash your hands, put on your party clothes and let’s go surprise Cam.’ He’d been here yesterday afternoon, building the bed for the vegetable garden. He hadn’t let slip for a single moment that he had a birthday today. He’d said he was going to catch up on his bookkeeping. On a Sunday? On his birthday? Oh, no, no. Tess had decided then and there that the least she could do was make him a birthday cake. Somewhere along the line, that had evolved into a full-blown party. Grinning, she went to put on her pink party dress. A party was exactly what they all needed. Cameron stilled, cocked his head to one side and then frowned. Someone was knocking on the front door. Nobody knocked on the front door. Ever. The few people who came out to Kurrajong these days came around the back. Fraser would’ve tapped on the French doors of Cam’s study if he’d needed to discuss anything. More knocking sounded. He pushed away from his computer with a growl and set off through the dim hush of the house. Since he’d taken a bedroom at the back, he rarely came into this part of the house any more. These big front reception rooms with their picture rails, antiques and high ceilings held the memory of too many shattered dreams. He scowled as he strode through them now. He flung the heavy door open, a bitter reproof burning on his tongue… A reproof he swallowed at the sight that met his eyes. A sight as colourful as a flock of rosellas and just as cheerful. ‘Surprise!’ Ty and Krissie yelled, almost in unison, and then they each popped a party popper that covered him in coloured streamers, and for a moment he felt just as colourful—as flamingo-pink and butter-yellow as the girls’ party dresses and as purple and blue as Ty’s best jeans and shirt. But then the shadows of the rooms behind touched the back of his neck with cold fingers, mocking him with the ludicrousness of any colour surviving within their forbidding walls, and he pulled the streamers from his head and shoulders, and a hard ball settled in the pit of his stomach. ‘Happy birthday, Cameron.’ Tess’s smile almost melted the coldness. ‘How on earth…?’ She waggled a finger at him. ‘You needn’t think you can keep something as important as a birthday a secret.’ As far as he was concerned, it was just another day. ‘And we wanted to give you a party, because you’re one of our best new friends!’ The smile Krissie sent him did melt the coldness. And while he wished with all his might that they’d turn around and walk back home, he managed to cover his lack of enthusiasm with a smile. ‘A party?’ Ty held up a bag. ‘We brought jellybeans and crisps!’ ‘And Auntie Tess made you a cake.’ He glanced at Tess, delectable in her pink dress, but her smile had slipped. She’d sensed his discomfort. ‘I hope we haven’t caught you at a bad time.’ He blinked. He straightened. She was giving him an out? He could tell them he was really busy, promise to drop over to their place in a couple of hours…And Tess would turn the children around and walk away, and leave him in peace? But when he glanced at the kids with their eager shining faces, he didn’t have the heart to disappoint them. He could manage a party in this cold, heartless house just this once. It wouldn’t kill him. He dragged in a breath and made himself grin. ‘A party sounds like just the thing!’ He was rewarded with a smile from Tess that almost knocked him off his feet. ‘Your house is amazing,’ Ty breathed, glancing around Cam’s bulk. He frowned and edged closer to his aunt. ‘It’s a bit dark.’ He translated that immediately into, It’s a bit scary. He kept his voice steadily cheerful. ‘Well, with only me living here these days I don’t use these front rooms much.’ ‘Auntie Tess was right,’ Krissie whispered to her brother. ‘We should’ve gone around the back.’ ‘But I wanted to see,’ he whispered back. Cam then found himself pushing the door open as wide as he could, beckoning his visitors inside and turning into the reception room to his left and throwing open the curtains as wide as they would go, so the children could take in the room in its entirety, sans shadows. He strode across the corridor and did the same for the other reception room. The children trailed behind him, oohing and ahhing, their eyes wide and mouths agape. When Tess saw the dark cherrywood baby grand in the second room, she froze. He took the cake from her before she could drop it. He recognised the fear in her eyes, but there was something else there too, fighting for supremacy. She closed her eyes, but not before he saw raw, naked hunger. With sudden resolution, he turned back to Krissie and Ty. ‘It’s been a long time since I used this room, but I think it makes the perfect party room, don’t you?’ ‘Yes!’ He set the cake down on a colonial-style hardwood coffee table. He took the bags of party food from Ty and set them there too. ‘Then let’s get some plates and drinks and then we can really get this party on the road.’ He led them through the formal dining room with its magnificent table-seating for twelve. Ty gazed at it in awe. ‘You must be able to have the biggest parties.’ ‘Legend has it that my grandparents threw the kind of parties that people spoke about for years.’ There were photo albums showing these rooms filled to bursting with smiling people, dressed in their best. As a boy, he’d pored over those photographs. He’d yearned to be in those photographs, and he’d sworn to bring that kind of gaiety back to Kurrajong House—a dream he’d finally thought within reach when Fiona had agreed to marry him. His hand clenched. How wrong he’d been. He couldn’t re-create the gaiety of that bygone era. Not with the kind of family he had. But he refused to fade away as his father had done. ‘Cameron?’ Tess touched his arm. He stared down at her and had to fight the urge to haul her into his arms and kiss her. Falling into her would chase away the ghosts of the past and ease the hurt of shattered dreams, at least for a little while. If he backed her up against the wall, teased her, seduced her… He could lose himself in her arms and take all he wanted. And he wanted all right, no doubt about that, but it’d be a despicable thing to do. She bit her lip—her plump, delectable bottom lip—and her eyes darkened at whatever she saw in his face. The pulse at the base of her throat fluttered. He wanted to press his lips to that spot and— ‘The kitchen?’ she croaked. Gritting his teeth, he swung away. ‘This way.’ They collected plates, bowls and cans of soda, and headed back to the so-dubbed party room. Cam opened the two front bay windows. A warm breeze filtered through, fanning the lace curtains, a touch of white against the dark wood panelling. While he did that, Tess and the children put out the party food—a big bowl of crisps, smaller bowls of jellybeans and chocolates, a plate of ginger-crisp biscuits, and even a small cheese platter. He didn’t have much of a sweet tooth, but his mouth started to water. Tess, with her back very firmly to the piano, placed three blue candles on top of the cake and then lit them. She glanced at Krissie and Ty. ‘Ready?’ They huddled in around her and at the tops of their voices sang the Happy Birthday song to him, and the longer it went on the wider their grins grew. ‘Blow out the candles,’ Tess ordered. He did and they popped more party poppers. Krissie handed him a card she’d made out of glitter and stamps, and Ty handed him a story he’d written about a cowboy, and Cam found himself laughing and eating jellybeans and playing pin the tail on the donkey…and having a party. He pulled up short when Fraser and Jenny appeared in the doorway a short while later. ‘We came to investigate the noise,’ Jenny said. Cam leapt to his feet. ‘Come and join us. Tess, Ty and Krissie, this is my station manager, Fraser, and his wife, Jenny, who manages to keep this place clean and running smoothly.’ They’d be Tess’s nearest neighbours when he left. It would be good for her to know them. ‘Lovely to meet you.’ Tess beamed at them. ‘And you’ve arrived at the perfect time. We were just about to play pass the parcel.’ Everyone ended up with a snack-sized chocolate except Cam, who won the final prize of a family block of chocolate. He stared at it—a family. He gazed about the room. At the moment they had all the appearance of a family. His heart started to pound, but he pushed the fantasies away. He wouldn’t be beguiled by them. Not for a second time. He knew his own strength. He could survive one let-down, but two? He shook his head. He couldn’t deny, though, that for the space of an afternoon Tess and her kids with their laughter and this party had brought a spark of life back into this cold mausoleum of a house. Krissie slipped a hand inside his. ‘Are you having a good party, Cam?’ ‘The best,’ he assured her. ‘There’s only one more thing that would make it perfect.’ They all swung to him. Tess planted her hands on her hips. ‘What could we have possibly forgotten?’ His heart started to thump. She wouldn’t thank him for this. At least, not initially, but…He glanced about the room. She’d given him a marvellous memory to take away with him when he left Bellaroo Creek. Instead of seeing his father sitting here in the half-dark, he’d now see Tess in her pink dress and hear the children’s laughter. ‘Come on, out with it,’ she ordered. He planted his feet. ‘I’d like you to play something for me on the piano.’ Wind rushed in Tess’s ears. The room shrank in on her. She collapsed onto a footstool. No! Cameron couldn’t ask this of her. He couldn’t. It was too cruel. She’d kept her back firmly to the piano because the lure of it was like a siren song. She knew he didn’t mean to be cruel. He couldn’t know about the hole that had opened up in her as big and as dry as the Great Western Desert since she’d packed away her guitar and stopped playing the piano ‘I don’t play any more,’ she whispered, aching to sit at that beautiful piano and to fill her soul with music, but— She’d turned her back on that life. On that person she’d been. ‘I don’t have parties,’ Cam said, ‘but I made an exception today and I don’t regret it.’ He glanced at the children and then at her again. ‘Make an exception, Tess, just for today.’ She glanced at the children then too. The hope in their faces tore at her. Didn’t they know that if she’d been a better person—if she’d never played music—their mother might still be alive? Krissie hopped from one leg to the other, clapping her hands silently, hope filling her eyes—eyes the same shape and colour as Sarah’s. Ty came over to where she sat and pressed his hands to either side of her face. ‘Please, Auntie Tess? Mummy loved to hear you play.’ Her heart nearly fell out of her chest. It took every ounce of strength she had not to cry. Cam came across and held out a hand to her. She stared at it, swallowed and then reached up and took it, allowed him to help her to her feet and lead her across to the piano. ‘What would you like me to play?’ she murmured, once seated. ‘Whatever you want,’ he said, moving to sit across the room from her in an easy chair. Her hands shook as she played a tentative scale and she had to suck in a breath at the familiarity, at the need growing in her. Oh, play that one again, Tessie. I love that one. It makes me feel as if I’m flying above the treetops. Tuning out the doubts, Tess gave herself up to playing one of Sarah’s favourite pieces. It filled her up. It made her feel—for a short time—as if she’d found her sister again. As ever, the music transported her. When she finished she couldn’t tell if she’d played it well or not. The stunned faces in front of her told her it’d been good. Cameron leaned towards her and she imagined she could feel the strength of his regard and his admiration all the way across the room. ‘Superb.’ And the expression in his eyes made her feel as if she were flying above treetops. Then she saw a movement by the doorway. Glancing at Cam, she rose and nodded towards his visitors. Lorraine. Fiona. And Lance. All the adults rose, but nobody spoke. Finally Jenny cleared her throat. She glanced at Ty and Krissie. ‘Would you like to see where Fraser and I live? It’s just out the back,’ she added to Tess. ‘And I can show you the lambs.’ Krissie and Ty leapt to their feet. ‘You could come meet the horses too,’ Fraser added, winning over one little boy in an instant. Tess went to start after them, but Jenny touched her arm with a murmured, ‘You might like to stay here.’ Tess didn’t want to stay. She didn’t want to intrude. But she recognised the vulnerability behind the stiff set of Cam’s shoulders and the grim line of his mouth. It’s nice to have you in my corner. She counted the people in the room. She went and stood beside him. She might not even out the numbers, but she’d give him whatever support she could. Lorraine finally broke the silence. ‘Hello, Cameron.’ ‘Mum.’ ‘I wanted to wish you a happy birthday, son, and…’ She trailed off as if she wasn’t sure what else to say. Tell him you love him! ‘If you really wished me a happy birthday,’ Cam drawled in a voice so hard it made Tess wince, ‘you’d have left your other son at home.’ ‘He wanted to wish you many happy returns too.’ ‘They say love is blind. Where Lance is concerned, you’re living proof.’ ‘Oh, Cam, please,’ Lorraine implored. ‘Please what?’ He rounded on her. He glared at Lance. ‘I want you off my property now!’ Lance flinched, but he held his ground. ‘I came to say I’m sorry.’ The silence grew so loud Tess wanted to clap her hands over her ears. ‘For?’ She glanced up at Cam uneasily. She didn’t like that edge to his voice. ‘For…for breaking up your engagement with Fiona. The thing is, I…I love her.’ He swallowed. ‘But I’m sorry we hurt you.’ ‘Love her?’ Cam’s scorn almost burned the flesh from Tess’s arms and it wasn’t even directed at her. ‘The only person you love, the only person you’ve ever loved, is yourself.’ Lance flinched. ‘The only reason any of you are standing here now is because your farm is in trouble and you want me to bail you out.’ ‘You’re right. Ever since you walked away from the management of the farm it’s all gone to hell in a hand basket, but that’s not why we’re here. We’re here because…’ He halted, but Fiona nudged him. ‘Because I’ve never been the kind of brother you deserved. I’m sorry for that. But I never really thought you’d turn your back on me and Mum.’ ‘I haven’t turned my back on Mum.’ The unspoken words, but I’ve turned my back on you, hung in the air. Cam shifted his gaze to Lorraine. ‘That said,’ he drawled, ‘she doesn’t seem particularly eager to spend any time in my company.’ Although he hid it well, Tess could feel the hurt emanating from him. She moved a fraction closer. ‘Oh, Cameron, honey, it’s not that I don’t want to spend time with you! But you refuse to step foot over my threshold.’ ‘The threshold where Lance and Fiona reside,’ he pointed out. ‘It’s this house!’ she suddenly blurted out. ‘I find it so difficult being here.’ They all stared at her in varying states of astonishment. ‘You hate this house?’ Cam shifted, frowned. ‘But, why?’ Her hand fluttered about her throat. ‘That’s all in the past now.’ ‘Obviously it’s not or you wouldn’t find it so hard being here. Why?’ he demanded again. Lorraine folded her arms as if to shield herself, and Tess had to fight an urge to go to the older woman. ‘You won’t like it, Cameron. It does no good to rake over old hurts.’ ‘The truth,’ he demanded in that hard voice Tess found difficult to associate with him. Lorraine glanced away. Her gaze drifted about the room and she barely suppressed a shudder. ‘I was so unhappy here. I…I married your father with such high hopes…’ She dashed away a tear. Tess’s throat thickened. Surely Cameron could see what distress he was causing his mother. ‘So you had an affair.’ Lorraine drew herself up at that. ‘I most certainly did not! I’d left your father for a good eight months before I fell in love with Bill. I left your father because he was unfaithful to me, Cameron. Not once, but multiple times.’ Cam’s jaw slackened. ‘But he left that house and land for you to use. Even after you’d married another man.’ ‘Oh, darling, that wasn’t due to unrequited love. It was due to remorse. And guilt.’ Tess wanted to take Cam’s arm and lead him to a chair to digest the information, to give him time to think and take it all in. ‘That’s why I never visit this house. It holds so many bad memories for me—a time in my life where I questioned my very abilities as both a wife and a mother. When I left here I…I thought I would never laugh again. That’s why I’ve refused your dinner invitations, Cameron. I simply can’t imagine being in this house and not being overwhelmed again by those old feelings. And since the unfortunate business with Lance and Fiona…well…it’s been almost impossible to ask you to dinner at my house. I knew you wouldn’t come.’ ‘Unfortunate?’ Cam choked out. ‘They didn’t do it on purpose, son.’ Cam glared at Lance. ‘I don’t believe that for a moment,’ he said with soft menace. ‘I wonder how long Fiona will stick by you, brother, when you ruin the farm and have nothing left to your name?’ Lance paled. ‘Things have always come easy to you, Cam. You always had good grades, were great at sport and took to farming like it was bred into your bones, but you have no sympathy for those who don’t have the same natural aptitude.’ ‘I have no sympathy with those who sit back and let everybody else do the hard work.’ ‘It was hell growing up in your shadow!’ Lance suddenly yelled. ‘I wanted to be just like you, you know that? It’s why I took your things. I was hoping they’d give me the key, the magic, but I failed again and again until I decided to stop even trying. And you want to know what the worst thing was? You let me keep all the things I took, when you could’ve taken them back so easily. Even Fiona. I know you could probably win her back with a snap of your fingers if you put your mind to it, but this time—this time—I will fight back.’ ‘Hey!’ Fiona pushed forward to give Lance’s arm a shake. ‘No, he couldn’t. Why do you have so little faith in me?’ ‘Because you left me for him, so who will you leave him for?’ The words could’ve been uttered cruelly, contemptuously, but Cam said them with a weariness that simply highlighted their logic. She stared at Cam with those perfect blue eyes, and Tess wished she could just disappear into the woodwork. She refused to glance up at Cam. She didn’t have the heart to deal with the hunger she fully expected to see in his eyes. ‘I really wanted to make things work with you,’ Fiona said. ‘You had such seductive dreams about turning this house into a wonderful family home, but…’ ‘But you obviously changed your mind and decided my brother was a better bet.’ She shook her head and her perfect blonde ponytail swished about her perfect face in perfect rhythm. ‘I came to realise those dreams of yours meant more to you than I ever did. I was just some idea you had of the ideal wife and mother. I needed more than that. I needed you to need me, but you’re so self-sufficient, Cam, that I started to think you’d never need anyone.’ She glanced at Tess. ‘Maybe I was wrong about that.’ Beside her, Cam stiffened. She wanted to drape herself across him and tell Fiona to back off! That Cameron was too good for the likes of her. She didn’t. That would be a crazy, stupid move, and she was darn sure Cam wouldn’t thank her for it if she did. But one thing became increasingly clear. She was fed up with just standing here while these three made excuses for themselves. ‘I’ll tell you all something for nothing,’ she stated so loudly it made everyone jump. ‘Cameron has made my family’s transition to Bellaroo Creek so much easier than it would otherwise have been. He’s one of the best men I have ever met and he’s a valued friend.’ True, true and true. ‘Furthermore, I think he deserves a whole lot better from all of you.’ ‘Tess,’ he growled. ‘No, she’s right,’ Lorraine said. ‘I shouldn’t have let stupid memories keep me from coming out here to check on you, Cameron, and to make sure you were doing okay.’ ‘I didn’t need checking up on or looking after.’ She smiled sadly. ‘And there you go pushing us away again.’ He rolled his shoulders and frowned. ‘I’m not pushing you away.’ ‘Tess is right, though,’ Lance said. ‘It’s why we wanted to come out here and apologise,’ Fiona added. ‘And to hold out an olive branch.’ Cameron said nothing, but Tess stood so closely to him she could feel the tension coiling him up tight. ‘We’re kin, Cam.’ Lance held out his hand. ‘That has to mean something.’ Tess held her breath, hoping, praying that Cam would accept his brother’s proffered hand. She closed her eyes when he gave a harsh laugh. ‘Your farm must be in a real state. You’re welcome here any time, Mum, but, Lance…you can go to blazes. If I shake your hand now, how long before you turn around and stick the knife in again? How long before you try to steal another canola contract out from under my nose? I’m just waiting to find you rustling my cattle next. But stand warned. If I do I’ll be contacting the authorities. You’ve burned your bridges as far as I’m concerned. Now get out!’ ‘What about me?’ Fiona whispered. Cam planted his hands on his hips. ‘What about you?’ The scent of cut grass wafted about Tess. She drew it slowly into her lungs to counter the nausea churning her stomach. Did Fiona want him back? ‘Do you accept my apology? Am I welcome in your home?’ Cam sent Lance a cruel, hard smile. ‘You’re welcome in my home any time, Fiona.’ Lance turned white. He seized Fiona’s hand and stormed from the room. Lorraine pressed a gift into Cam’s hand and then reached up to kiss his cheek. ‘It was lovely to see you, Cameron. I just hope we haven’t spoiled your day.’ And then she left and Tess could feel all the energy just drain out of her body, leaving her limp and wrecked. It must be a hundred times worse for Cam. She moved to a chair, pressed her hands together between her knees. Her pink party dress suddenly seemed totally out of place. She eyed Cam carefully. He hadn’t moved. She cleared her throat. ‘Are you okay?’ He rounded on her then. ‘That was all your doing, wasn’t it?’ Her jaw dropped. He flung an arm out, pacing from one side of the room to the other. ‘I should’ve known little Miss Fix-it wouldn’t be able to mind her own business, that she’d need to interfere.’ She shot to her feet. The roller coaster of emotions she’d experienced this afternoon crashing through her now. ‘Well, even if I did—’ which she hadn’t, but she’d rather walk on broken glass now than admit it ‘—I sure didn’t make things worse. Oh, no, you accomplished that all on your own!’ He swung back to her. ‘Are you telling me you actually believed that line he fed me?’ She planted herself directly in front of him. ‘Yes, I do.’ And strangely enough she did. It was only now when he was deprived of his brother that Lance could see all that Cam meant to him, and how much he needed him. ‘But even if I didn’t,’ she suddenly found herself shouting, ‘he’s your brother and he deserves the benefit of the doubt!’ ‘Just because you feel guilty about letting Sarah down doesn’t give you the right to go meddling in my life! Fixing my situation won’t be a form of restitution, you know.’ She sucked in a breath. ‘At least I’m not hiding from life.’ ‘What do you call turning away from your music?’ She clenched her hands. ‘At least I’m not afraid to let love in my life. At least I put people first!’ Neither of their voices had lost any of their volume and the walls practically rang with their shouts. ‘That’s just as well because you know nothing about chickens!’ ‘At least I know how to throw a decent party! Me!’ She thumped her chest. ‘Me has got the hang of country hospitality in under a month. You haven’t got the hang of it your whole life!’ ‘Your grammar sucks!’ ‘And your manners suck!’ She glared. He glared. She bit her lip. His lips started to twitch. She snorted. ‘Me has got?’ He rolled his eyes. ‘I can’t believe I made that chicken crack.’ And suddenly they were both roaring with laughter. And then Cameron pulled her right into his arms and kissed her. CHAPTER NINE (#ulink_05619949-1c98-52f7-b21e-245b78e4d738) RAW, BURNING NEED blazed a path of fire through the very centre of Cam’s being and shot out in every direction. He’d ached to kiss this woman ever since…ever since he’d clapped eyes on her. But he’d burned harder and fiercer with that need since the first kiss they’d shared. And he was tired of fighting it. He revelled in the sweet softness of Tess’s lips and the way they opened up at his demand—so sweet and giving as if she sensed his hunger and wanted to assuage it. So unselfish. The realisation made him slow the kiss down, gentle it until she could catch up with him. Loosening his hold on her nape, he slid his hand through the dark cap of her hair and caressed the skin behind her ear in a slow circular motion, and then followed with his mouth. A shudder rippled through her, filling him with satisfaction, increasing his hunger, but he refused to speed up to meet that demand. He wanted Tess with him. All the way. He wanted her smiling and satisfied…sated and delighted. A resolution he nearly lost the battle with when her grip tightened on his arms and she moved in closer to press all her softness against him. He tugged gently on her ear lobe. She gasped and arched into him. He grinned a lazy grin and did it again. She smelled of jellybeans and cake. Breathing her in was a treat in itself. The grin disappeared when she shifted restlessly against him, one of her hands plunging into his hair, her other arm winding around his neck. He lost all sense of himself then, all sense of time. His mouth found hers and he fell into her, losing himself in the experience of kissing her, touching her, filling himself up with her essence like a man gorging on some vital nutrient he’d been lacking but had suddenly found. The hunger built and built until kissing and touching was no longer enough. He needed— A groan broke from him when she tore her lips from his and wrenched herself out of his arms. She stumbled to a sofa on the other side of the room. Seizing a cushion, she hugged it to her chest. His chest rose and fell as if he’d spent the last hour roping yearlings. He wanted to stride over to where Tess sat, haul her back into his arms and propel this encounter through to its natural conclusion. He almost did, but common sense reasserted itself. Ty and Krissie were somewhere on the premises. This was not the ideal time for making love to Tess. He bit back an oath. ‘I’m sorry. The timing on that could’ve been better.’ She didn’t say anything. He wanted her to look at him, but she didn’t do that either. He dragged in a breath, adjusted his stance and tried to quieten the stampeding of his blood. ‘Would you like to have dinner with me tonight? Jenny would love to babysit the kids and—’ ‘No.’ He blinked. She plumped the cushion up and set it back to the sofa. ‘There won’t ever be a good time for us, Cameron.’ ‘But—’ ‘Do you think I’m the kind of woman who jumps willynilly into bed with men I know I have no future with?’ ‘No, I—’ She walked across and poked him in the chest. ‘Do you want me to fall in love with you so you can then break my heart? Will that mend your wounded ego and make you feel powerful and manly again? Will that show Lance that you’re over what he did to you?’ Her eyes blazed with a fire he hadn’t witnessed before, but her words left him chilled. ‘No!’ How could she put such a dreadful interpretation on his desire for her? ‘You’re beautiful, Tess. I find you fascinating and irresistible. I love kissing you.’ Colour flared in her cheeks. She backed up a step. ‘That may well be, but it’s been an emotional day. I refuse to be the distraction you need to distance yourself from all that’s happened this afternoon.’ He stabbed a finger at her. ‘You’re more than a distraction!’ She was wonderful and warm and she could make him laugh even when he was livid. She folded her arms and lifted her chin. ‘How much more?’ A chill trickled down his backbone. For a short time today this woman had brought his old dream roaring back to life. She’d made him wonder if it were still possible. The arrival of his mother, Lance and Fiona had dashed that, had forced him to face reality again. ‘You still have no intention of forgiving Lance. You’re determined to hold on to your bitterness. What would it hurt to just let it go?’ His gut clenched. ‘How can you even ask that?’ She pressed a hand to her forehead. ‘There’s absolutely no point to this conversation. You have no intention of staying in Bellaroo Creek anyway, have you?’ He straightened and shoved his shoulders back. He wasn’t being made a fool of a second time. Not by Lance. Not by Tess. Not by anyone. She gave a short laugh, obviously reading the resolution in his face. ‘Well, in the meantime I won’t let you turn me into some toy you can play with. I might’ve let my sister down, but I don’t deserve that. And the children certainly deserve better.’ He wanted Tess in every way a man would want a woman. If she were free and unencumbered he’d ask her to come to Africa with him. For fun. For adventure. No strings. His chest clenched. Maybe… He closed his eyes. What was he thinking? Tess was all strings and he wanted no part of that. Besides she wanted the impossible. Forgive Lance? No chance. He made himself take a physical step away from her. His chest hurt, his groin ached, but he held firm. Without even glancing at him, she headed for the door. ‘Tess…’ He could hardly speak for the bitterness that coated his tongue and lined his throat. She turned in the doorway. ‘Whatever else has happened, you’ve not let Sarah down. You love her kids as if they’re your own. You’re giving them not just a good life but a great life. You’ve brought them laughter and joy and hope for the future. You never let Sarah down. If you’d known the true state of affairs you’d have returned home as soon as you could. And I don’t doubt for a single moment that she knew that. Saying you let her down by not returning home sooner is the same as saying she let you down because she didn’t tell you the truth sooner. Nobody let anybody down.’ She gripped her hands together, her eyes wide and wounded. He wished— He cut the thought off. ‘There’s only one issue that I suspect would bring Sarah pain. How do you think she’d feel if she knew you’d turned your back on your music because of her?’ The confusion that flared in her eyes made him ache to go to her, to comfort her. But she didn’t want the kind of comfort he offered and he could hardly blame her. When she turned and left, he let her go. Cam avoided Tess’s house for the next week. She attended his judo class on Wednesday. When they’d heard she was doing the class, another two mums had signed up too. The three of them had spent the majority of the class in fits of giggles. He hadn’t spoken to her one-on-one, though. Instinct told him she needed time. He sure did. Time to rebuild his defences. Time to reinforce his plans for the future. Time to forget the impact of their kisses. Because after vowing not to, he’d almost fallen under the spell of that old dream again. Tess brought out that old weakness in him, and he was determined to fight it with everything he had. Out of sight, though, didn’t mean out of mind. And there was still the issue of her vegetable garden. His debt to her wouldn’t be cleared until he’d finished that. The following Saturday he loaded the tray of his ute with all the tools he’d need—shovels, picks, hoes and a generous amount of cow manure—and headed for Tess’s. One good day should see the vegetable bed finished. He’d help her with the planting and give her tips on how to look after it. And then he could walk away. Job done. Debt cleared. He pulled in a breath when he arrived, and then set off towards the back of her house. Don’t think about that kiss! Work, that was what he had to think about. Work and digging and— He rounded the side of the house and then pulled up short, unable to move another step. Tess and the kids were dancing around the backyard, singing along to a pop song on the radio. And it wasn’t just any old singing and dancing. His chest clenched. They jumped and twirled and swooped with abandon. With complete unadulterated joy at being alive. As if this moment was the best moment that had ever existed and they were going to clutch it and hold it close and cherish it and live it before it could slip away. It filled him with a yearning that almost buckled him at the knees. Tess’s hips swayed and shook in a sexy rhythm and his mouth dried and his blood pounded. Her simple delight in the dance and the way she occasionally caught one of the children’s eyes and how their pleasure fed each other’s left him breathless. He’d never seen anything like it. He’d never experienced anything like it. His heart started to thump and an ache pounded behind his eyes. He would never experience anything like it. This kind of exuberance, rapture, was alien to his family. Duty, responsibility and self-reliance—those were all the things he’d been taught to value. Not joy. And no matter how much he might hunger for the same kind of closeness with his family that Tess and the kids shared, he knew it was beyond his reach. Fiona had taught him that. Trying to reach for these heights with her had revealed it for the sham it had been. He had to stick to what he did know—duty, responsibility and self-reliance. Without a word, he backed up a step, turned and headed for his car. Tess spun around, arms outstretched as the song came to an end, feeling alive and young and grateful for Ty and Krissie’s laughter, when a flash of blue disappearing around the side of the house caught her eye. She acted on instinct. ‘Hey, Cam!’ She tripped around the side of the house. He froze. He didn’t turn around. Her heart surged against her rib cage. His back beckoned—so strong and muscled. So capable. Her fingers curled against her palms. ‘Anything we can do for you?’ ‘Hey, Cam!’ Ty came rushing around the side of the house with Barney in close pursuit. ‘Look, I taught Barney how to shake hands.’ Cameron turned to watch the trick. He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. ‘That’s brilliant, Ty. He’s one smart dog.’ Those shadows in his eyes chafed at her. They made her want to go to him and offer herself to him, to offer the kind of comfort he wanted from her. She glanced at Ty and Krissie, planted her feet and remained where she was. ‘I, uh…’ He rose from patting an ecstatic Barney. ‘Thought I might get a start on digging the bed for your vegetable garden.’ Bed? It brought a whole different picture to her mind that had nothing to do with gardening or vegetables. Heat that had nothing to do with the exertion of dancing surged into her cheeks. It took a moment to unknot her tongue. ‘That’d be great,’ she finally managed. ‘If you can spare the time, that is?’ ‘Right.’ He didn’t move. She didn’t move. The air between them vibrated with all that remained unspoken. With a superhuman effort she managed to shake herself out from beneath the heavy, suffocating blanket that tried to descend over her. She clapped her hands. ‘Right! Let’s help Cam unload his tools.’ They all set to work. Digging, she decided an hour later, wasn’t a bad antidote to restlessness. Other than to issue instructions or to check his directions, she and Cam barely spoke. But as they worked side by side together the tension slowly dissipated. She liked having him in her backyard again. She frowned at that thought. He’d been a great friend. He’d be a better lover. Whoa! She pushed the thought away, thrust her shovel into the ground, and pushed her hands into the small of her back, groaning as her muscles protested. Cam sent her a grin that filled her to the brim with renewed energy. ‘Sore?’ ‘No wonder you’re so fit if you do this kind of work day in and day out. All I can say is thank God it’s lunchtime. I’ll go rustle up something to eat.’ A short while later they all sat in the sun munching sandwiches and apples. Krissie glanced up. ‘Auntie Tess?’ ‘What, chickadee?’ ‘It’s a big vegetable garden, isn’t it?’ ‘Well, I’m not an expert on vegetable gardens, but I think ours is pretty much the perfect size.’ ‘So can we grow marigolds in there too? Will there be room? Did you know they were Mummy’s favourite?’ Yes, she did know. Her throat tightened. She swallowed. ‘I think there’ll be oodles of room for marigolds. I think marigolds will be the perfect addition to our vegetable garden.’ Krissie, Ty, and the animals all ran off to play. Cam shook his head. ‘You can’t eat marigolds.’ She couldn’t tell if he was vexed with her or not. ‘They do look pretty in a vase, though.’ And for taking out to a grave. She eased back on the blanket to survey him more fully. ‘Do you always choose the common-sense option?’ ‘I work the land. Planting forty hectares of marigolds instead of canola will not earn me my crust.’ ‘What a sight it’d be though.’ He suddenly smiled. ‘Wait until the canola blossoms.’ He gestured out in front of them at the newly ploughed fields that stretched over a low hill in the distance. ‘It will be bright yellow for as far as you can see.’ ‘Magic,’ she breathed. Then she frowned. ‘But you won’t be here to see it?’ He shook his head. Wouldn’t he miss that? Didn’t he want to see the fruits of his labour? She bit the questions back. They’d carefully avoided any mention of the personal today, had found a comfortable footing with each other, and she didn’t want to ruin it. ‘I’ll take a photo and have Fraser send it to you,’ she said instead. She was just about to tip the dregs of her mug of tea out when Ty and Krissie came up. She could tell from the fact they walked rather than ran and by the serious expressions on their faces that they’d just ‘conferred’ about something. ‘What’s up, chickadees?’ She kept her voice deliberately light and cheerful. ‘When are we going to have Mummy’s…’ Ty frowned, obviously searching for the right word. ‘Memorial?’ she asked softly. They both nodded and knelt down on the blanket in front of her. ‘Well, Mrs Pritchard is organising a plot for us, and I expect to hear from her about that in the next couple of weeks. Then I’ll speak to Reverend Wilkinson, who’ll perform the service, but he’s only out this way every second week.’ How long was a piece of string? Things moved at a different pace in the country. ‘So I’m expecting it’ll be maybe in a month, possibly two.’ ‘So, sorta soon?’ Ty checked. She nodded. They leapt up, evidently satisfied. ‘But while we’re on the subject…’ she started, her throat drying. They stared at her for a moment and then sank back down to the blanket. Her chest clenched. Maybe she should let this subject rest. Instinct, though, told her ignoring it wouldn’t be right. ‘Okay, chickadees, we need to talk about your daddy.’ Ty’s eyes grew wide and wary. Her stomach started to churn. ‘Do we want to bury his ashes too? Do we want to put them in the same plot as Mummy’s?’ ‘No!’ Ty shot to his feet. ‘I hate him! He killed Mummy!’ The blood drained from her face. Her hands started to shake. ‘Ty, honey, that’s not true.’ His bottom lip wobbled. He stood there pale and shaking. Her heart lurched and her eyes stung. She wanted to reach out and hug him to her, but she sensed any such movement would send him running. ‘That’s not true, Ty. I promise you. You know Daddy was sick.’ She’d tried to explain it, but, truly, how much were they expected to understand? Especially when Tess could barely accept it herself. ‘It was an accident.’ ‘No, it wasn’t! I heard him say he was going to kill her. He drove into that tree on purpose!’ Tears poured down his face. They started to pour down hers too. ‘He only said those things because he was sick. He didn’t mean them. And I know he didn’t drive the car deliberately into the tree, Ty, because he wasn’t the one driving—Mummy was.’ His fists clenched. His face turned red. ‘No!’ She tried to take him into her arms, but he wheeled out of her reach and raced away. She started to her feet, but Cam’s hand on her shoulder stopped her. ‘I’ll go after him,’ he said quietly with a nod towards Krissie. She turned and found her little niece with her face buried in the blanket and her shoulders shaking. With a lump in her throat the size of a teapot, Tess lifted the child into her lap and wrapped her arms tight around her. Ty didn’t go far. He’d raced around the front of the house to fling himself down full length on the veranda. Cam sat next to the distraught boy and hauled him into his arms so he could cry against his chest. His throat thickened as he rubbed a hand up and down Ty’s back, trying to impart whatever comfort he could. So much grief and pain. These kids had been through so much. Tess was doing a great job, but… He thought back to this morning’s image of them all dancing. Tess was doing a brilliant job. It was those moments of joy that would help Ty and Krissie through the hardship of their grief and create bonds that would link them together as a family. He ached to take away all their pain—Tess’s included—but that wasn’t possible. All he could do was offer his friendship and hope it helped. Tess. His mind rang with her. She was trying to do so much on her own. And she was achieving so much. If only she could see that she didn’t have to lose herself in the process. Eventually Ty’s sobs eased to hiccups. A couple of minutes after that he pushed away from Cam’s chest to stare up in his face. ‘How you doing, buddy?’ Cam asked, his chest cramping at the small, tear-stained face. he found himself wanting to protect this young boy from every kind of harm. All of Tess’s fussing suddenly made perfect sense. ‘Do you think Auntie Tess is right?’ he said without preamble. He’d give away Kurrajong Station in an instant if it’d mean sparing them all of this. He met Ty’s gaze. ‘Has your aunt Tess ever lied to you about anything else?’ Ty considered that for a long moment. ‘No,’ he finally said. ‘Then do you really think she’d lie to you about this?’ He considered that too. ‘She doesn’t want me and Krissie to be mad with our dad.’ He glared. ‘But I am. I’m really mad.’ ‘Yeah, I get that.’ Ty gazed up at him, eyes wary. ‘You do?’ ‘Sure I do. Your dad hurt you and Krissie and your mum. It’d make me angry too.’ ‘Auntie Tess said he was sick.’ ‘I think your auntie Tess is right. And you know what else I think? I think that your dad would be very glad that he can’t hurt you any more.’ ‘Even though he’s dead?’ Cam nodded. ‘Even then.’ ‘You think he loved us?’ ‘I think he loved you all very much, Ty. I think he just wasn’t able to show it any more.’ Ty rested his head against Cam’s shoulder. The trust awed him. The warm weight cracked open a gulf of yearning inside him. He closed his eyes. He understood Ty’s anger. It was the same as his anger at Lance. Except Ty’s dad had been sick. Lance had no such excuse. Eventually Ty pushed away and climbed out of Cam’s lap. He missed the warmth and the weight immediately. ‘I’m going to go and give Auntie Tess a hug.’ ‘I think that’s an excellent plan.’ He followed Ty around to the backyard to find Tess and Krissie, now with Fluffy on her lap, talking quietly on the blanket. Tess turned at their approach. Without a word she opened her arms and Ty raced into them. What if, like Ty and Krissie’s father, Lance died in a car accident? The ground shifted beneath his feet. He planted his legs more firmly and bit back a curse. Lance had burned his proverbial bridges. He was nothing to Cam any more. That assertion, though, didn’t ease the burn in Cam’s heart. He forced himself to focus on the tableau in front of him. Tess held Ty for several long moments and then rose, holding him in her arms. She hitched her head in the direction of the house and Cam nodded, settling down on the blanket beside Krissie. She glanced up at him with those big brown eyes that were identical to Tess’s. With a cluck and a flutter, Fluffy freed herself to scratch about in the grass. Krissie moved closer and curled up against him as if it were the most natural thing in the world. ‘You okay, pet?’ She nodded. ‘My daddy was very sick, you know?’ ‘So I understand, honey.’ ‘It’s very sad,’ she whispered, leaning into him. ‘And I think we should bury him with Mummy and maybe he’ll be happy again.’ She was five, but her generosity and ability to forgive stole his breath. ‘I think that’s a real nice idea, sweetheart.’ He wasn’t sure for how long they sat there, but when Tess materialised in front of him, he glanced down to find Krissie fast asleep. Tess went to take her from him, but he shook his head. ‘Let me. You lead the way.’ They put Krissie to bed. He followed Tess back into the kitchen. She grabbed two beers from the fridge and handed him one before leading the way back outside again. ‘You okay?’ he asked. She looked pale and lines of weariness fanned out from her eyes. She looked as if she could do with a nap herself. She settled on the blanket, stretching her legs out in front of her before glancing up at him. ‘Some days I feel as if we’re merely lurching from one catastrophe to another.’ He lowered himself down beside her. It suddenly shamed him to think how he’d tried to seduce her last weekend. She had so much to deal with. ‘I held Ty while he cried his heart out and all I wanted to do was make things better for him. I know that’s impossible. I don’t know how you’re managing to do all this with such grace.’ She opened her beer. ‘I’m not sure there’s much grace involved.’ ‘I think you’re doing an incredible job.’ She turned those eyes on him. Eyes the same as Krissie’s. He had absolutely no intention of trying to seduce her again, but what if she moved in close and curled up against him the way Krissie had? He couldn’t get the thought out of his mind. He forced his gaze away. ‘I will tell you something,’ he managed. ‘Nobody could get them through this as well as you are.’ She took a long pull on her beer. ‘Some days are better than others. The gaps between the bad days are getting longer.’ He read her unspoken hope that eventually there wouldn’t be any more bad days, but both of them knew bad days came and went. Ty and Krissie, as they got older, would simply learn to deal with those bad days more effectively. With Tess’s help. ‘So…’ She studied him. ‘Are you okay?’ She asked as if she could sense the confusion bubbling just beneath the surface. It reminded him how well attuned they were to each other’s moods. It reminded him that he wasn’t going to attempt to seduce her again. ‘Yeah, sure.’ But even as he said the words he knew they were a lie. He frowned. ‘Krissie…’ She watched him closely, as closely as he often caught her watching the children. It made the ache around his heart ease for some unaccountable reason. ‘What about Krissie?’ ‘Something she said…’ He scratched a hand back through his hair. ‘She said she thought that if her father was buried with her mother, then maybe he’d be happy again.’ His frown grew. ‘She wants him to be happy.’ ‘Of course she does. He was her father. She loved him.’ ‘But he hurt her and Ty so badly.’ ‘Your father was unfaithful to your mother, but does that make you love him any less?’ His mother’s revelation had shocked him, had made him rethink all he’d thought he knew about his father—but, no, it didn’t affect the love he bore for him. ‘I think a part of Krissie remembers the good times before her father’s accident, when they were all happy and life was how it should’ve been. I think Sarah helped keep those memories alive.’ ‘You’ve forgiven him too, haven’t you?’ She stared down at her beer and nodded. He leapt up and started to pace. ‘How can you? How can you find that in yourself after everything he did to your sister?’ He knew she’d loved Sarah. ‘And to those kids? I know how much you love them.’ ‘I don’t see why loving them means I should hate Bruce. I can’t forget that Sarah hadn’t given up on him. I know she still loved him. I can’t forget all the years he made her happy or their joy when the children were born. They—’ She broke off to stare at her drink. ‘He didn’t go looking for that accident. He didn’t deserve what happened to him. He’d been a loving husband and father up till that point. And I’m proud of Sarah for sticking by him.’ He opened his mouth but she held up a hand. ‘Yes, she should’ve gotten the children away from that situation sooner, but I’m proud of her for having the courage to try to find help for the man she loved. My sister loved him, Cameron. I cannot hate him. I…I just can’t.’ He’s your brother and he deserves the benefit of the doubt! He collapsed back down beside her, her words of last weekend echoing through him. He knew precisely where Krissie’s generosity and her big heart came from—from her auntie Tess. ‘No wonder you think me a hard, unfeeling brute.’ ‘I think no such thing!’ ‘Lance.’ Just one word but comprehension dawned in those melt-aman eyes of hers. ‘That’s a bit different. You’re an adult and so is Lance, even if he has been acting like a petulant teenager.’ She smoothed the rug and glanced away. ‘He’s learning a very hard lesson now, though.’ I think a part of Krissie remembers the good times. Cam scowled at the ground. There had been good times, but… ‘I think it’ll probably be good for him in the long run. He relies too heavily on his charm, and I suspect your mother has shielded him far more than has been good for him. A bit of hard work and a whole lot of worry may make a man out of him yet.’ His head came up. ‘Steady on, Tess, he’s not that bad.’ There were days when Lance had made life hell. There’d also been days when he’d made Cam laugh until his sides had hurt. It was why Cam had put up with the hell days—because nobody else in the family had ever laughed all that much. That laughter had been worth a lot. She leaned back, stared down her nose at him. ‘Do I hear you defending him?’ Was he? If anything happened to Lance while he was in Africa…Cam swallowed. What if something happened to him while he was away? Was this really how he meant to leave things? He frowned and finally cracked open his beer. ‘I guess I am.’ She arched an eyebrow. ‘Is that significant?’ He dragged in a breath. ‘If Krissie can forgive her dad…’ He shook his head. ‘Lord, Tess, I can’t be shown up by a five-year-old, now, can I?’ ‘It’d be very poor form,’ she agreed. Somewhere inside him a smile started to build. He held his beer towards her. She clinked it in a silent toast. CHAPTER TEN (#ulink_2971fe13-427a-5e8e-b879-bbf03b09cc1f) TESS WANTED TO leap to her feet and dance. She wanted to hug Cam. She suspected the dancing would prove the lesser of two evils. A new calm had settled over him, certain shadows had retreated from his eyes—not all, but some—and his shoulders had lost their angry edge. She surveyed them and bit her lip. In fact, they looked broad and scrumptious. Cam cleared his throat and she realised with a start that she’d been staring at them for too long. She snapped her gaze away and lifted her beer to her lips. ‘If you want my two cents’ worth…’ she started before taking a sip. ‘Which you’ll give me, even if I don’t.’ The grin he shot her and the effortlessness with which he teased her filled her with such a fluttery nonsense of wings she was in danger of floating two feet above the ground. She clutched a handful of blanket and held tight. ‘What’s your two cents, Tess?’ She surveyed him over the rim of her beer. ‘I think you should pay your family a visit tomorrow afternoon.’ ‘Why?’ ‘The sooner the better, don’t you think?’ He stared at her for a long moment. ‘And?’ ‘And I’ll be there,’ she finally ’fessed up. She wanted to be there when he faced his family too. She wanted to make sure Lorraine, Lance and Fiona didn’t take advantage of him. ‘Last weekend at your party it was as if it were you against them and the rest of the world. That’s not true. You have friends and I think both you and they should acknowledge that fact.’ Also, her being there would create a subtle confusion she was eager to encourage. Cameron might love Fiona to her dying day, but neither Lance nor Fiona had to know that. They had no right to crow in triumph. It wouldn’t hurt anyone to think Cameron had well and truly moved on. It could hurt you. She shrugged the thought off. She knew the truth—Cam was leaving. Forewarned was forearmed. She could protect her heart. ‘I’m dropping Ty and Krissie off at a birthday party and then popping by Lorraine’s to discuss the memorial service. Apparently Lance and Fiona plan to be there to offer their…’ She shrugged and rolled her eyes. ‘Moral support?’ She bared her teeth. ‘Something like that.’ He started to laugh. ‘So who exactly is helping who in this scenario?’ She couldn’t help but grin back at him. ‘Why don’t we call it a joint effort?’ His grin was slow and easy and it could make a woman’s heart kick straight into triple time without any warning at all. ‘What time are you supposed to be out there?’ ‘One-thirty.’ ‘I have a few things to do in the morning, but…I’ll be out there by two.’ ‘Excellent.’ ‘C’mon.’ He nodded towards the garden bed. ‘Time to get back to work.’ He helped her to her feet and she tried to ignore the strength of his hands, tried to ignore the heat he exuded, and the fresh smell of cut grass. She averted her gaze from the strong, lean promise of his back and threw herself into attacking the ground with the assorted instruments of destruction currently within reach. ‘Well, Tess,’ Lorraine said, leaning back in the padded wicker sofa that graced her generous back patio, ‘that should all be remarkably easy to arrange.’ Tess had just outlined the simple service she and the children had agreed upon. ‘No Herculean feats to be performed,’ Lance said with a smile. He almost looked disappointed, as if he sensed Tess’s reservations about his character and wanted to prove himself in her eyes. Who knew? Maybe he did. But if she needed any Herculean tasks performed she’d ask his brother, thank you very much. Fiona leant forward to top up Tess’s teacup. ‘Do have a scone,’ she urged, as if unstinting hospitality might melt Tess’s reserve. It’d take more than a scone and a cup of tea. What this pair had done to Cam— It’s none of your business. She had no right holding a grudge against this pair. Especially when she’d been urging Cam not to and— Her teacup wobbled. None of her business? Everything to do with Cam felt like her business. Because he’s helped you so much, helped you, Ty and Krissie feel a part of Bellaroo Creek. That was right. That was all it was. Her heart started to thump. Why, then, when he smiled at her did her heart grow wings? Why when his eyes practically devoured her did she feel like the most desirable woman on earth? Why when she kissed him was it better than making music? She’d told herself She’d wanted to be here today to support him, but it wasn’t the whole truth, was it? She set her tea down before she could spill it. She’d wanted to be here today to prevent Fiona from getting her perfect pretty little claws into him again. She’d wanted to stake her claim. Because she’d fallen in love with him. Her heart throbbed. Her temples pounded. Cam had made it clear to her that she had no claim to stake. Hadn’t she been listening? Of course she’d been listening! She seized a pumpkin scone and bit into it viciously. But how could a woman not fall in love with a man like Cam? He had the biggest heart of any person she’d ever met. He did so much for others, and all of it without fanfare. He had the kind of grin that could melt a woman’s resolutions in a heartbeat and the kind of physique that could have her fantasising in Technicolor. He was so…much. He was everything. And she loved him. The acknowledgement calmed the dervishes careening through her blood. A hard black ache settled in her heart instead. She set her pumpkin scone back to her plate. Cam rounded the corner of the veranda and found his family and Tess seated in front of him. In the warm sunshine and the filtered light from a wisteria vine, the tableau looked inviting and almost summery—even with the cool of autumn in the air. Tess, though, looked pale and his heart lurched for her. Organising this memorial service must be hell. She glanced up and her face relaxed into a smile of pure pleasure. It immediately buoyed him up. He couldn’t remember any woman’s smile affecting him the way Tess’s did. Not even Fiona’s. ‘Hello, Cameron.’ ‘Tess.’ His mother shot to her feet, delight lighting her face. ‘Cam!’ He moved down the length of the veranda and kissed her cheek. ‘Hello, Mum.’ Lance stood more slowly. He nodded to Cam and then turned to Lorraine. ‘There’s some work I should get done in the eastern paddock.’ Fiona jumped up too. ‘I’ll help.’ There was no denying that they were trying to make room for him, trying to make things less awkward. He appreciated the effort. Tess had been right. They deserved the benefit of the doubt. ‘I’d like the two of you to stay, if you don’t mind.’ A tremulous smile appeared on Fiona’s lips. It left him unmoved and he suddenly frowned. When precisely had he fallen out of love with her? His heart started to pound. Or had she been right? Had he been more in love with his dream of filling Kurrajong Station with laughter and with a family? Lance sat when Fiona tugged him back down to the seat beside her. his blue eyes filled with a hope he desperately tried to hide, but Cam had always been able to read his little brother. Until he’d turned his back on him. He glanced at Tess and she held a hand out to him. He took it without thinking, squeezed it before releasing it to take the lone chair at right angles to her. The only other spare seat was beside his mother. It wasn’t that he wanted to shun her. He just wanted to face his family square on during this conversation—read their faces, gauge their reactions. ‘You wanted to speak to us about something, Cameron?’ his mother asked. ‘I’ve been thinking about your visit last weekend, and it has to be said that I was discourteous and churlish in response to your offer of an olive branch. If the offer still stands, I’d like to accept it.’ ‘It still stands!’ Lance shot to his feet and thrust his hand towards Cam. Cam rose and shook it. With a nod he took his seat again. He met Tess’s warm gaze, recognised her unspoken approbation. It made him push his shoulders back and lift his chin. Her innate generosity and the sacrifices she’d made had helped him see sense. More than that, though, she’d made him believe he was worth more than he’d ever credited before. He turned back to Lance before he could become too preoccupied with the dusky fullness of Tess’s bottom lip. ‘This is just a start. It’s going to take me a while to trust you again.’ ‘I know.’ Lance squared his shoulders. ‘But it’s a start, and I’m not going to screw up this time.’ Cam stretched a leg out. ‘Now to the financial situation of this station. I’m not just going to bail you guys out. I’m not a bank and I have my own place to consider. But—’ he glanced at his mother ‘—I am prepared to buy a fifty per cent share of the property and to invest in improving it.’ She bit her lip and nodded. It was an acknowledgement, not an acceptance. This was business. This wouldn’t be her ideal scenario, but interest-free loans and working for this station gratis were a thing of the past. He glanced back at Lance. ‘Are you fair dinkum about giving farming a proper go?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Then I’m prepared to pay you a wage to train under Fraser for the next two years. If Mum does decide to sell me half the property, and if you prove yourself, I will let you buy back my share of this station for whatever the current market value is.’ Lance swallowed and nodded. ‘I accept.’ Fiona nudged him and he broke into a grin. ‘In fact, I’m darn grateful, but…’ He had to stop his lips from twisting. Here it came. ‘But?’ ‘Cam, I’d rather work under you than Fraser.’ The steel momentarily left his spine. It was the last thing he’d expected Lance to say. It brought home to him the depth of the younger man’s resolution. A breath eased out of him. ‘I’m afraid that won’t be possible.’ His mother leaned towards him. ‘Why not, darling?’ ‘Because I won’t be here.’ His gut tightened and he couldn’t look at Tess. ‘I’ve accepted a field assignment to Africa with the Feed the World programme.’ ‘For how long?’ ‘Two years.’ To his right, he heard Tess’s quick intake of breath and his chest started to ache. ‘When do you leave?’ Lance burst out. ‘The end of next month.’ And then all hell broke loose as his mother, Lance and Fiona all broke out in loud voices, talking over each other as they remonstrated with him. Tess leaned across to touch his arm. ‘Will you stay at least until the memorial service?’ He didn’t know when the service was scheduled, but he knew she wouldn’t try to trick him into staying any longer. He trusted her. ‘Yes.’ ‘Thank you. It’ll mean so much to Ty and Krissie.’ And her? ‘And me,’ she added as if she could read his mind. Then she stood. ‘Honestly,’ she snapped to his family, ‘stop all this nonsense. All his life Cameron has looked after you lot. All his life he’s done things for other people. Stop being so selfish and think of him for once. He’s entitled to follow his dream and you as his family should be supporting him rather than bellyaching at him and making things difficult.’ She was fierce and fabulous and he suddenly wanted to laugh with sheer exhilaration. But when she turned to smile at him he wanted to close his eyes. He recognised what glowed in the gorgeous brown depths of her eyes. Love. Love for him. And he had absolutely no intention of accepting it, of returning it, and that knowledge was there in her eyes too. Bile burned his throat. Why hadn’t he taken more care around her? She was the one person in Bellaroo Creek who wanted what was truly best for him—without agenda and without reference to her own needs or desires. He’d rather cut off his right arm than hurt her. A giant vise squeezed his heart. he hadn’t meant for it to happen, but a fat lot of good that would do her in the months to come. He opened his mouth. He wanted to offer her some form of comfort. Only he knew that’d be useless. Worse than useless. He dragged a hand back through his hair. She’d wanted to be here today to shield him in whatever way she could from Lance and Fiona’s betrayal. That all seemed so small and petty now. If only there’d been someone looking out for her! ‘Tess is right,’ his mother finally said, waving everyone back to their seats. ‘Again.’ ‘Again?’ he found himself asking. ‘The day of the working bee at the cemetery I mentioned to Tess how nice it was to see you there.’ Lorraine bit her lip. ‘She said I might want to mention that to you, and it made me suddenly see how…unsupportive I must’ve seemed to you. Frankly, I was mortified.’ And because of Tess he now knew why his mother had stayed away from Kurrajong Station for all these years. ‘She gave me a right set down that day too,’ Lance said. ‘Demanded to know if I’d ever actually apologised for my appalling behaviour.’ He grimaced. ‘It was the kick in the pants I needed.’ Cam turned to stare at Tess. She screwed up her nose. ‘I tried really hard to mind my own business, but…’ He leaned across and covered her hand with his. ‘I’m glad you didn’t. I want you to know that all this—’ he gestured around the table ‘—is due to you. And I’m grateful.’ ‘So am I.’ Lorraine rose and embraced Tess. ‘My darling girl, not only are you helping save my beloved town, you’ve helped save my family.’ With her arm about Tess’s waist, she turned to Cam. ‘Darling, of course you must do what your heart tells you. You’ve been involved with the Feed the World programme for so long, and I know you’ve made a real difference in the lives of those less fortunate than us. It’s selfish of us to want to keep you to ourselves, but you must never forget that you always have a home here with us.’ He leant across and kissed his mother’s cheek. ‘I won’t forget.’ But it was Tess’s fragrance he drew into his lungs as he moved away. ‘I think it’s beyond time I made a fresh pot of tea. Could you give me a hand, Fiona, dear?’ Cam turned to Tess. He wanted to say something—something that would tell her how much he appreciated all she had done, and how sorry he was for the rest of it. Her smile and the tiny shake of her head forestalled him. ‘I think it’s all worked out exactly the way it should’ve, don’t you?’ No. Oh, it had for him and his mother, and for Lance and Fiona, but not for her. Not in the way she deserved. ‘I’m mighty glad you came around today, Cam.’ Lance’s words reminded him that he and Tess weren’t alone. And he didn’t want to say or do anything that might embarrass her in front of Lance or cue anybody in on her pain. Tess was like him. She’d not want a broken heart on display for all and sundry to exclaim and pick over. He could at least do that much for her. He turned to his brother. ‘So am I.’ And he meant it more than he’d thought he would. ‘Say.’ Lance pointed, leading him to the edge of the veranda. ‘See that colt in the home paddock? Do you think he’s ready for breaking?’ Cam watched the colt moving over the grass with an easy gait and his tail held high. ‘Your call, Lance, but I’d be inclined to give him another six months.’ When Cam turned back, Tess was gone. Every atom in his body shouted at him to go after her. He remained where he was. In his heart he knew there was nothing he could say that would make an atom of difference to either one of them. Letting her go was harder than going after her, but it was also kinder. Where Tess was concerned he’d already done enough harm. CHAPTER ELEVEN (#ulink_9f359a1d-70f2-5ef9-aa4e-f747e4d43055) TESS WORKED HARD at making the memorial service a celebration of Sarah’s and Bruce’s lives. The scheduled day dawned cold and still, with barely a breath of breeze to stir the leaves in the Kurrajong trees. Cameron’s canola had been planted and, while winter had arrived, the blue skies and constant sunshine made her feel as if she, Ty and Krissie were moving into a smoother, calmer period. Truly a new beginning. Even though she missed Sarah every single day. Even though whenever she thought of Cameron leaving Bellaroo Creek her heart trembled and her throat would close over. Still, at least she would know that somewhere in the world Cam was following his heart. If his heart could never belong to her, then she just wanted him happy. When the day of the memorial service dawned—with Cam due to leave Bellaroo Creek the very next day—Tess bounced out of bed and lifted her chin. She had so much—a home, two beautiful children, and a bright future. Today she meant to count her blessings, not her sorrows. The entire town turned out for the memorial service. The women wore their best dresses, and while not all the men owned suits, they all wore ties. It touched her to the very centre of her being. The minister gave a brief but heartfelt sermon. Lorraine led them all in a stirring version of ‘Amazing Grace’. Tess, with Ty and Krissie at her side, gave a eulogy—she spoke about Sarah’s generosity, her love for her family, and how much she’d have loved Bellaroo Creek. Both Krissie and Ty told a little story about their mum—even their dad. There wasn’t a dry eye after that. They ended the service with a recording of Sarah’s favourite song—the Hollies hit ‘He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother’. A wake was held at the community hall. After refreshments and cake had been amply consumed, Tess strode up to the podium and called the room to order. ‘Ty, Krissie and I wanted today to be a celebration of Sarah’s life and you’ve all helped make that possible and I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart.’ Without any effort at all, she found Cam’s tall broad bulk in the crowd. The smile he sent her warmed her to her toes. ‘We miss Sarah every single day, but we don’t want to focus any longer on all the bad stuff about missing her, but on how much better our lives are for having known her. Today, you helped us do that.’ She smoothed her hair back behind her ears. ‘Something Ty, Krissie and I have taken to doing at dinnertime is naming something that has made us happy for that day or something that we’re grateful for. Every single day I’m grateful that Sarah was my sister, but when she died I turned my back on my music. A very special guy here in Bellaroo Creek, though, showed me what a mistake that was. I’m very grateful to Cameron Manning for that lesson. I want to now play you all a piece that was one of my sister’s favourites.’ She moved to the side where she’d stowed her guitar case and retrieved the guitar she’d had couriered from Sydney. She hadn’t played it in over five months. She slipped the strap over her head, seated herself on a stool, and looked out at the sea of faces staring back at her. ‘Sarah, honey, this one’s for you,’ she whispered. She met Cam’s eyes, drew in a breath at his encouraging nod, and then her fingers touched the strings and magic filled her. She lost herself to it, pouring her heart into the music. When she finished she smiled at Ty and Krissie sitting on the floor in front of her. And then at Cam. He was right. The music was a gift, and there was room in her heart for it all—for Ty and Krissie, and for the music. She should embrace it. ‘I want to invite anyone who’d like to take part, to come up here and share something that’s made you happy or that you’re grateful for.’ Cam stared in awe. Tess Laing was the most amazing woman he’d ever met. If Bellaroo Creek could attract another couple of women with her spunk the town would be safe for the next hundred years. It wouldn’t just be saved. It’d flourish! Krissie walked up onto stage to the microphone. ‘You should go down there now,’ she whispered to Tess, pointing at the crowd, obviously not meaning for everyone to hear, but the microphone picking it up as Tess adjusted it for her. With a kiss to the top of the child’s head, Tess made her way down to the crowd to stand with Ty. Without consciously meaning to, Cam made his way to her side. She smiled at him, turning automatically as if she’d sensed him there. It made his gut clench. Did he truly mean to leave this woman? ‘I want to say that one thing that makes me happy is my auntie Tess. We do lots of fun things together like singing, and we dance around the backyard and colour-in together. she’s not a very good dancer…’ Everyone laughed. Cam remembered seeing Tess dance and shook his head. She was a great dancer. ‘But she’s going to teach me guitar and I love living with her.’ He held Tess back when Krissie finished. ‘Let her do it all under her own steam,’ he counselled. ‘I’m fussing, huh?’ He didn’t interfere though when she bent down to encompass the child in a hug once Krissie had reached them. It wasn’t until she righted herself, though, that he saw Ty had moved to the microphone. ‘My auntie Tess is awesome, but today I want to say I’m happy Cam has been our neighbour. He’s shown me how to stake tomato plants and how to nail chicken wire and how to teach Barney to fetch a ball. I’m going to miss him when he goes to Africa.’ There were a few ‘hear, hears’ from the crowd and Cam found his throat thickening. He lifted Ty up in a bear hug when he rejoined them. ‘Thanks, buddy, I’m going to miss you too.’ ‘Me too?’ Krissie tugged on his sleeve, demanding a hug of her own. ‘You too,’ he said, hugging her close. Damn it! Did he really mean to leave these kids behind? ‘Me three.’ Tess leaned across and kissed his cheek. She backed up pretty quick again too, though, and he didn’t blame her. Not if the heat threatened her in the same way it did him. One by one the townsfolk walked up to the microphone to name the things that made them happy—family, a good wheat crop, a clean bill of health, family, friends who rallied around in times of need, good rainfall, grandchildren, family. Family. It figured high on everyone’s happiness radar. Not a single person mentioned going to Africa—or any other place for that matter. Bellaroo Creek and family, that was what mattered. Bellaroo Creek and family. Cameron stared at Tess and the kids. Could he truly leave them? Did he want to leave them? He stared at his mother. She’d miss him dreadfully. He knew that now, even if she was putting a brave face on it. Family and Bellaroo Creek. Lance and Fiona canoodled in a corner like the lovesick couple they were and he didn’t even feel a pang. Instead he felt hopeful. Lance was keeping his word and working hard. Having finally emerged from under Cam’s shadow, he was even showing some natural aptitude on the sheep-breeding programme. And it was obvious he had no intention of breaking Fiona’s heart as Cam had feared. Family and Bellaroo Creek. Once upon a time that had been his dream too. When it had failed him he’d turned his back on it, proclaimed it impossible. His heart started to thump. But it wasn’t impossible, was it? It was within reach if he had the courage to try for it. He stared at Tess and Ty and Krissie, remembered the laughter and light they’d brought to Kurrajong House, the life they’d sent flowing through it. That dream of his wasn’t impossible. Oh, it hadn’t been possible with Fiona, and all he could do was be thankful that she’d realised it in time. That dream of his was absolutely possible. If only he wasn’t too afraid to reach for it again. His heart thundered in his ears. Tess had found the courage to embrace her music again. Could he find the same courage within himself? He shoved his hands in his pockets and stared hard at the floorboards at his feet. What did he truly want? What would he lay his life down for and be glad to do it? Tess. That single word filled his soul. ‘I’m next!’ He pointed to the microphone. Everyone turned to stare at him. He swung to Tess, seized her face in his hands and kissed her soundly. His lips memorised every single curve and contour of hers and she kissed him back with such unguarded love it fed something essential inside him. He let her go. He squeezed Krissie’s and Ty’s shoulders before striding up to the stage and the microphone. Tess watched Cam adjust the microphone while the blood crashed through her veins. He’d kissed her. In front of everyone! What did he mean by it? Ty and Krissie grinned up at her. She couldn’t help but grin back. Cam cleared his throat. Her attention flew back to his tall frame and those powerful shoulders and lean hips…and long, long legs with their powerful thighs. Her knees quivered and her heart tripped and fluttered. His gaze wandered about the crowd until she thought he must’ve made eye contact with everyone. ‘I know every single one of you by your full name. I’ve listened to you recite the things that make you happy, the things that are most important to you, and the message has come through loud and clear—you love your families, your properties and Bellaroo Creek.’ He shifted. ‘All I’ve ever wanted is to grow a big bustling family at Kurrajong Station, but a year ago that dream came crashing down around my ears and I thought it would never happen. That’s when I made my decision to leave. I knew it would be too hard living here day in and day out with that dream mocking me.’ Her heart burned for all he’d been through. ‘I want to say now that I’m grateful to Fiona for realising we weren’t well suited and calling our engagement off before we made a dreadful mistake. I only wish I could’ve seen that truth sooner.’ He didn’t love Fiona? Her hands clenched and unclenched until, to stop their fidgeting, she gripped them together. ‘Because now I know what true love is.’ He did? When his gaze moved to her, she had to press her hands to her heart to make sure it didn’t leap right out of her chest. ‘Loving someone means wanting them to be happy, even if it means giving up your own dreams. It means supporting them in the things that are important to them, even if you don’t understand that importance.’ He suddenly grinned. ‘Like White Bearded Silkies and marigolds in a vegetable garden.’ Krissie tugged on Tess’s blouse. ‘Cam loves us, Auntie Tess.’ She grinned as if it were the best news in the world. ‘Course he does,’ Ty scoffed, as if he’d always known as much. She swallowed. Had she truly thought they wouldn’t welcome another person into their lives? It was obvious that they’d welcome Cam. Except… Her heart started to wilt. Loving someone meant supporting their dreams. Cam’s dream was to go to Africa—to experience the world, to make a difference. She couldn’t stand in the way of that. ‘Loving someone means risking your heart, even if you’ve vowed to never do that again, even if you don’t feel ready to take that leap.’ He was going to risk his heart for her, wasn’t he? She wanted him to. Oh, how she wanted him to, but… Africa. His dream. ‘I want you all to know that I won’t be going to Africa after all.’ Applause broke out along with several cheers. Tess couldn’t bear to glance around. Her heart had slumped to her ankles. ‘I’m going to fight for the life I want. I’m going to fight for my dream. If that dream proves impossible, I’m going to stay here in Bellaroo Creek anyway. I’m not going to turn my back on the town. This is where I belong.’ He climbed down from the stage and made his way directly to where she stood. Taking both Krissie’s and Ty’s hands, he led them away to the far side of the room and knelt down to speak to them. With his back to her she couldn’t see what he said. She could only see the smiles that lit the children’s faces, their decisive nods, and the hopeful glances they sent her way. She wanted to close her eyes. She couldn’t let him do this. When he rose and beckoned to her, she pulled in a breath and moved towards them. With a smile designed to heat her from the inside out, Cam took her hand. ‘You guys go join the party again. Your aunt and I are going to talk.’ And with that he led her out of a side door and away from the noise of the hall until they stood beneath the fronds of a pepper tree that partially hid them from view. He stared down into her face, plucked one of the fronds from her hair, but he didn’t say anything. Loving someone means wanting them to be happy. ‘When did you realise I’d fallen in love with you, Cameron?’ He touched her cheek with the backs of his fingers. He kept a firm grip on her hand. ‘That day at my mother’s.’ ‘It was the day I realised I loved you.’ She paused and bit back a sigh. ‘I don’t think I’m very good at keeping things from you.’ His lips lifted. ‘I’m glad about that.’ She gently detached her hand and moved a couple of steps back until she leant against the hard, rough trunk of the tree. He stiffened. ‘I hope you mean to tell me what’s troubling you now?’ Oh, how she would miss him! Behind her, she closed her fingers about the rough bark. She dragged in a breath that hurt her lungs. ‘All your life you’ve taken responsibility for other people. For your father when he cut himself off from the world, and for continuing his legacy in providing your mother with a haven if she should ever need it. For taking on the management of the property your stepfather left to her…and even for helping Lance find his feet. You help Edna and Ted Fairchild run cattle so they can stay in the home they love, and heaven only knows how many other people you help out in a similar way. You’re amazing, Cameron, a true-blue hero. I swear I have yet to meet anyone with more decency and integrity.’ He adjusted his stance, legs wide and hands on hips, and her heart stuttered in her chest. ‘Why, then,’ he said, ‘am I suddenly not happy to hear this?’ She ached to rush forward and throw her arms around his neck and tell him how much she loved him, but… He deserved to chase his dreams. ‘Because all your life you’ve taken on everyone else’s responsibilities, but now you have a chance to travel and to find out where you truly want to be.’ ‘I know where I want to be.’ She wanted to believe him, but…‘Do you know how much responsibility it is raising two kids? Do you know how needy and…and…Cam, we—Ty, Krissie and me—we’re not your responsibility.’ She might not have given birth to Ty and Krissie, but they were hers now and she loved them as if she had. ‘I know when you look at us you see a single mum with two kids who need rescuing, but—’ ‘Garbage!’ He slashed a hand through the air, making her blink. ‘I look at you, Tess, and I see an incredibly strong woman who manages to make me laugh even when I’m feeling my bleakest and grumpiest. I look at you and see a desirable woman I want to take to my bed and make love with thoroughly and comprehensively.’ She pressed hands to cheeks that burned. He moved in close until all she could smell was the scent of cut grass and hot man, and all she could see was him. ‘I look at you, Tess, and my soul sings and my heart is at rest and there’s glitter in my world.’ He reached out to touch her face. ‘I don’t see a woman who needs rescuing. I see a woman with a safety net ready for me if I should ever fall. Tess, when I look at you I don’t see a responsibility. I see my future. I see my soul mate. I see the woman I love.’ Her heart all but stopped. His hands clenched, his eyes blazed with resolution. ‘I don’t know how long it will take me to convince you of the truth of that, but I want you to know I’m going to dedicate my life to doing exactly that.’ ‘But Africa,’ she whispered. She wanted him happy. She wanted him to follow his dream. ‘To hell with Africa! It was my consolation prize. I’m not running away. I’m not leaving Bellaroo Creek. And let me tell you another thing.’ He jabbed a finger at her nose. ‘I’m not making way for some other single farmer to make a move on you.’ He thrust out his jaw. ‘I’m not going anywhere!’ She stared at him. He stared back, his eyes a glowing, gleaming green. ‘Africa is not where I want to be. Wherever you are, Tess, that’s where I’m going to make my home—whether that be at Kurrajong House, your little farmhouse or in Sydney.’ He meant it. Every single word. And she could see the exact moment when he clocked her belief in him. His smile was like drought-ridden land coming back to life after vital rain. He reached out to cup her face. ‘Your eyes tell me you’re going to say yes when I ask you to marry me.’ She grinned. She couldn’t help it. She reached up to touch his cheek, before moving in closer to wind her arms about his neck. ‘Yours tell me you’ve already asked for the children’s permission.’ ‘They gave it gladly.’ Of course they had. They adored Cam as much as she did. ‘My eyes don’t lie, Cameron. I love you. My heart is completely and utterly yours.’ Just as his was hers. And she meant to treasure it and keep it safe for ever. He stared down at her as if her words were magic. She moved against him suggestively. ‘So, what do you mean to do with your Bellaroo Creek bride once you have her?’ His head dipped towards her, blocking out the sun. ‘I mean to make her the happiest woman on the planet,’ he murmured against her lips, before he captured them in a kiss of such pure joy Tess felt as if she were flying and swooping among the treetops. Their Miracle Child A Baby to Bind Them Susanne Hampton Six-Week Marriage Miracle Jessica Matthews The Nurse He Shouldn’t Notice Susan Carlisle www.millsandboon.co.uk (http://www.millsandboon.co.uk) A Baby to Bind Them (#ulink_55f886a5-563a-54db-9a6d-122807a6074d) Susanne Hampton Thank you to Orianthi and Tina for being the most wonderful daughters in the world. You are amazing young women who appreciate your God-given gifts and every day bring joy to those around you. I am so proud of all that you have accomplished and all that still lies ahead. And once again thank you to Charlotte … who always brings out the best in my writing … and ensures I finish on time! PROLOGUE (#ulink_bcdccf02-66f6-5717-b6ad-fa9d7d4036a3) JADE GRANT HUMMED along to the radio as she prepared dinner for one. The music was loud, just the way she liked it when there was no one around to complain about the volume. Occasionally she sang a few words, but remembering words to songs was not her strength, and neither, according to her sister, was her pitch, so mostly she stuck to humming. Her bare feet danced a few steps on the way to the refrigerator. Her slim hips, dressed in faded denim shorts, swayed, and she managed a spontaneous spin in time to the music. While her voice left more than a little to be desired, dancing was something she was good at. Opening the door on the beat, she bent down to peer inside then pulled some fresh broccoli and carrots from the crisper before she closed the door on the next beat and headed to the chopping board. Her new favourite song was blaring from the portable radio on the windowsill. A smile dressed her face and she felt good about life. It hadn’t always been that way but finally she was in a happy place. Her career as a neonatal nurse was on track, she loved working at Los Angeles District Hospital and, although she wasn’t dating anyone, there were more than a few residents paying her attention. She wiped some tiny specks of broccoli from her cotton tank top before she glanced up at the clock on the wall and smiled. Her sister and brother-in-law would have arrived in Palm Springs and be in their happy place for the long weekend. The hotel looked so luxurious online and the reviews were all good. Jade hoped that it would live up to the hype and Ruby and David would have a wonderful few days relaxing before their baby arrived. Ruby was just over six months pregnant and Jade wanted to give the pair a second honeymoon as she knew that once they were new parents their focus would be their baby. The way Ruby struggled with her pregnancy, and morning sickness that still hadn’t abated, Jade wasn’t sure how much of a honeymoon it would be, but it would at least be a getaway. Ruby and David had taken Jade into their home after her ground-floor apartment had been flooded by a burst water main the previous month, and this was her small way to show appreciation. She planned on moving back in to her beach-side home as soon as repairs were completed but the insurance company was still arguing with the landlords so no date had been confirmed. Jade hadn’t lost any personal belongings to the murky water, as she leased the apartment furnished, so it wasn’t devastating, just inconvenient. She finished chopping the vegetables and put them on to steam before she turned off the radio and went into the sitting room. While it was only temporary, it was still wonderful having a big house to herself for a few days, she thought as she sat down on the sofa. Her place in Santa Monica was quite small and the paper-thin walls allowed her to know far too much about her neighbours. Some mornings she found it difficult to look them in the eye in the car park. There were some things she just didn’t want to know and some she found hard to forget. So Jade was enjoying everything about being in her big sister’s house. Collapsing back into the huge armchair, she threw her legs over the padded arms and reached for the remote control. It had been a long day on her feet at the hospital and she decided that after watching the six o’clock news and eating her dinner she would soak in the tub, read a book and turn in early. Switching on the television, her mood abruptly fell as she saw the horrific footage of an eight-car pile-up on the Pacific Coast Highway that afternoon. Her stomach turned and heart fell with the sight of wreckage. Jade was carefree about a lot in life but not when it came to tragedies like the one playing out on the screen. It wasn’t only the victims she thought about. Her prayers went out to the families whose lives would never be the same. She and her sister had been one of those families. They had been left to pick up the pieces of their shattered lives when their mother and father had died in a road accident when Jade and Ruby had been in their late teens. It had been a turning point for both of them. Ruby, being the elder sister and feeling the need to take control, had changed almost overnight. She had become more cautious and wanted stability, while Jade had steered her life in the opposite direction. She had decided to make the most of every moment with the mantra that life was short. The television showed the lights of the LAPD patrol cars flashing and ambulances parked randomly across the freeway near the mangled metal that trapped the victims against the cement pylons. Traffic was built up for miles in both directions. Every detail of the horror was being captured by the news helicopters hovering in the air above. Watching with a heavy heart, Jade assumed with dread that there would have been fatalities. With no dance in her step now, she returned to the stove and turned off the heat under the saucepan, just as she heard her telephone ringing inside her bag. There was no caller ID, she noticed, before she answered. ‘Jade Grant?’ the sombre female voice asked. ‘Yes, speaking.’ ‘I’m Sergeant Meg Dunbar from the LAPD. I’m afraid there’s been an accident on the Pacific Coast Highway. Your sister’s been taken to Los Angeles District Hospital.’ Jade felt her head spin and her heart race with panic. ‘No, it can’t be. There’s been a mistake. She’s in Palm Springs with her husband.’ ‘I’m afraid she and her husband were involved in an accident on the PCH just over two hours ago. They finally cut your sister from the wreckage and she was transported here. She is still unconscious but I was able to get your details from her cell phone. Please come immediately, she’s heading for the operating theatre. Her injuries are critical.’ ‘What about the baby?’ ‘Miss Grant, I’m sorry, I can’t give you any further information about your sister’s condition. I’ve told you everything I know. The doctors will tell you more when you get here.’ ‘And David, her husband, is he there with her?’ There was a moment’s silence. ‘I’m afraid, Miss Grant, your sister’s husband didn’t survive the accident.’ The phone crashed to the floor. Jade froze with her hands limp by her sides, her body trembling before she cried out loud and fell against the cold wall. The officer’s words were ringing in her head, not unlike a siren. She could still see the footage of the accident on the screen and she realised David was lying there in the carnage. He had never reached Palm Springs. She couldn’t speak or even find a logical thought at that moment. A numb feeling engulfed almost all of her body. Only her heart could feel anything, and that was unrelenting stabs of pain that threatened her breathing. Eight years disappeared and suddenly Jade was the eighteen-year-old girl who had been told by the social worker that her parents had been killed. A heavily laden lorry had run a red light on the corner of Fairfax and Wilshire and they’d both died on impact. Jade remembered the distressed expression on the woman’s face as she’d delivered the devastating news. She felt certain the policewoman on the other end of the phone had the same poignant expression. She didn’t think that life could be so cruel and deliver her family the same overwhelming sadness twice. It was too much for one lifetime. For a moment, she stared blankly at the wall, seeing nothing through the blur of her tears. But Jade couldn’t fall to pieces the way she had all those years ago. Back then she’d had Ruby to tell her that everything would be all right and that they would always have each other. Reassuring Jade that she would always have someone to lean on through the hard times. Now Jade needed to hold herself together enough to stand strong beside her sister when she found out she had lost David. She had to be Ruby’s pillar of strength this time. Jade reached for her bag and keys as she brought herself back to reality, and to what remained of her shattered senses. She needed to get to the hospital. Ruby had just lost the love of her life and the father of her unborn child. With tears running down her face, Jade ran for the door, and taking deep breaths she focused on the task of getting safely to the hospital. Their home was barely ten minutes from the Los Angeles District Hospital but it felt more like a lifetime away as she was stalled by the heavy evening traffic on Wilshire Boulevard. Every minute she sat there her heart was pounding in her chest and her stomach was churning with the reality of the crash that had claimed David’s life. Only a few hours before they had been in the kitchen together, talking about the wonderful few days ahead and thanking Jade for arranging their short holiday. David had planned on painting the nursery when they returned and Ruby was already filling the cupboards with baby clothes in preparation for the birth of their first child. They had been overjoyed when they’d been told it would be a little girl, just as they would have been overjoyed if they’d been told they were having a son. They had been so thrilled to be starting their family. She would be the first of four children, David had lovingly teased his wife as he’d patted her already rotund belly. Finally Jade pulled into the hospital car park. Her tears had dried and she was steeling herself to be strong for Ruby as she stepped from the car. She had no idea that that was the same moment Ruby’s heart stopped. Her sister had died on the operating table only minutes after having an emergency Caesarean to save the baby daughter she and David had already named Amber. Jade wept openly and uncontrollably when she was told. Nothing the nurses or police could say would stop her tears. There was no amount of compassion or understanding that could stop her sobbing. She doubted the tears would ever cease and she knew her heart would never be whole again. This time she had no one to lean on. ‘Will she live?’ Jade asked, scared of the answer but still needing to know. She had kept vigil beside her tiny niece for every waking hour of the two days since her birth. She had dozed sitting upright. ‘Jade,’ the neonatologist said with an equal mix of warmth and authority tempering her voice, ‘you know that Amber’s having the very best care with the finest facilities.’ Jade sat in silence for a moment, gathering her thoughts before the shaky response slipped from her lips. ‘I know, Dr Greaves, and I don’t mean to be abrupt, but I don’t want you to sugar-coat anything. I’ve been working here in the neonatal ICU for over two years now, so please just be honest with me about her prognosis.’ Jade watched the neonatologist as she cast her eyes down and her lips formed a hard line in her somewhat tired face. She knew that the paediatric specialist had been attending Amber all night and the toll of her dedication showed in the morning light. Her naturally thin features were further drawn. But Jade was as tired as the attending physician and that brought her close to becoming a victim of her emotions. She would rather appear forthright and detached at that moment than risk her arm reaching around her in a comforting way and reducing her to a useless, snivelling heap of guilt. Melissa Greaves was that type of doctor. Professional but also motherly. Jade made a space between them to make it difficult for Melissa to reach for her. She had to do this alone. The doctor’s hesitation in answering confirmed Jade’s fears, and her stomach tensed with a hollow cramp. Her composed veneer of bravado was close to shattering. Melissa turned to her with a look that signalled she was about to deliver the harsh reality. ‘If complete honesty is to be the call then I have grave concerns for your niece. She’s dropped below her very low birth weight of two pounds, only marginally, but every ounce is critical, as you know, Jade, with VLBW patients.’ She paused for a moment as she slipped her pen inside her coat pocket. ‘Amber’s a little fighter but since you don’t want me to lie to you, if, and that’s a big if, she makes it through the day, I’d still only give her a fifty percent chance of survival. Her gestational age was twenty-nine weeks, so it was always going to be a struggle, but with the compromised maternal metabolic and cardiovascular factors brought about by the accident there are additional complications. With her mother trapped in the vehicle for almost two hours, there was decreased uterine blood flow and abnormal placental conditions prior to the emergency Caesarean, and she is a tiny baby, so Amber has a fight ahead if she is to survive.’ Anxiously, Jade turned to the tiny figure lying behind sterile glass walls. A sea of wires, all linked to monitors, supported her fragile life. Jade gently reached her hand through the porthole door of the incubator and gently stroked Amber’s warm, wrinkled skin. She was like a tiny china doll. Despairingly, Jade looked at her tiny niece’s beautiful face through the transparent head box that was supplying a constant stream of oxygen to make her breathing less difficult. All the while a drip was feeding nutrients through the sole of her swollen foot as the veins in her spindly arms had collapsed and had ceased being of any use for intravenous nourishment. The innocent child was fighting to survive, unaware that her parents’ lives had been taken by the cruel hand of fate. ‘You know, if there’s a glimmer of light in all of this,’ Melissa added, and crossed to Jade and gently placed a hand on her shoulder, ‘Amber isn’t suffering respiratory distress and her tiny lungs appear to be coping so she didn’t need a ventilator. I am amazed and a little bewildered by this and it does give me reason to give you the fifty-fifty chance ratio. Without that, her survival would be much lower than fifty per cent. At birth, I placed her survival at less than twenty per cent.’ Jade took another deep breath. The odds were improving. However, the slight degree of optimism the doctor had imparted didn’t bring her peace of mind. Jade wanted the one hundred per cent guarantee that she knew in reality no one could provide. This environment was second nature to her, yet now being in neonatal ICU made her fearful. Every day, as a neonatal nurse, she cared for premature infants, yet seeing Amber needing the same level of intense assistance made her feel vulnerable. She had to pull herself together. Not for her sake but for Amber’s. She had to be able to process what was happening and, if called upon, make the right and informed decisions regarding her niece’s care. ‘And you moved her from the open radiant warmer last night?’ Jade asked, appreciating and finding a level of comfort in the compassion she had tried to deflect. ‘Yes. When you fell asleep for a few minutes in the early hours I decided that the increased stimulation from light and noise and the associated risk of decreased growth and weight gain was greater than the disadvantages of the incubator. She is just too tiny to lose any further body mass. The next twenty-four hours will be critical.’ ‘Then it looks like we’re here together for another long day, Amber, but you will get through this,’ Jade promised aloud to the sleeping infant, before adding silently, And I will never leave your side. Never. Trying unsuccessfully to quash her unshed tears, she turned away before Melissa witnessed her breakdown. Through a watery blur, she watched the shaky breathing of her niece’s tiny body and felt so helpless it was overwhelming. She had never felt so totally powerless before in her life. She wished she had saved every forgotten wish from each birthday cake over the past twenty-six years and could tie them together to wish for the one thing she wanted with all her heart. If only she could gently lift the spindly bundle from her tiny glass crib and softly whisper that everything would be all right. But she couldn’t. There was no guarantee that everything would be all right. There were no promises of a future for this little girl clinging tenaciously to life. And if she did have a future it would be one without her mother and father. The days passed slowly, but each hour that Amber lived gave Jade hope. The hospital granted her compassionate leave to focus on Amber. The baby’s weight was stabilizing and the doctors looked less worried, as did the neonatal nurses, who were all friends as well as colleagues. None of them provided false hope but neither did they talk about the possibility that Amber might not survive. Her heart ached for the baby she had been with for four days. A baby as wanted and loved as any child could be. She was the daughter that Ruby and David had dreamed of and planned for so many years. It made the bleakness of the prognosis so much harder to handle. She worried that not having her mother’s love and natural bonding could add to the complications of Amber’s early entry into the world. Although Jade wasn’t her mother, she swore to herself she would be the next best thing and do everything in her power for the little girl at that moment and for the rest of her life. Amber had lost the mother she had never known but she would never lose Jade. She would spend her life making it up to her niece for sending her parents on the holiday that had claimed their lives. And she would spend her life being the woman that Ruby and David would want raising their little girl. But Jade was also struggling with her own grief. Grief the little girl knew nothing about. Over those first few days it was almost too much to bear. Not only was she close to crippled with worry about her niece, but she had also lost her sister. A sister she’d loved with all of her heart. Ruby and Jade had been close all their lives and even more so after the loss of their parents. Ruby had been, in Jade’s mind, the most wonderful sister in the world. She had been kind, and funny and nurturing. It was as if half of Jade was gone. Ripped from her life without warning. No chance to say goodbye. No opportunity to thank her sister for everything she had done. All the big sister advice she had given over the years. The advice that Jade had always appreciated but mostly ignored. The tears they had shed over boys who hadn’t been worth it. The late-night calls to chat about nothing much but which had somehow lasted for hours. It was all gone. She would never laugh with her sister again. She would never watch David look lovingly at his wife and hear them make plans and talk about their daughter’s education. How Ruby would tell him that the little girl would be brighter than anyone else in the class because he was the father, and how he would say she would be without doubt the prettiest because she would look like her mother. At times, Jade would tell them they sounded like a bad midday movie but their love for each other had been undeniable and real. With that in mind, Jade held herself together. She owed it to Ruby and David to be there for their daughter and surround her with the love they would have lavished on her. And then there was the added burden of guilt that sat heavily on her shoulders. No matter which way Jade looked at the situation, she felt responsible for Amber’s early entry into this world. She had played the scene over and over in her mind since the accident. Why had she booked the holiday for them? If only she hadn’t given them the present of a few days away in Palm Springs, they wouldn’t have been a part of that terrible accident. And Amber would still be safely inside her mother with another ten weeks until her much-anticipated birth. But instead, Jade was arranging the funeral of Amber’s parents and staying strong for the tiny daughter they would never be able to love. She knew they both had a battle ahead but they would face it together. All they had now in the world was each other. CHAPTER ONE (#ulink_c01cffb2-82a7-5a7a-9cbe-cdc4c6a82dc4) ‘WE ARE NOW commencing our descent into Adelaide. Please ensure your tray table is secured and your seat is in the upright position. We will be landing in fifteen minutes and you will be disembarking at gate twenty-three. Current time in Adelaide is eleven-thirty. Your luggage will be available for collection on Carousel Five. On behalf of the cabin crew, we hope you enjoyed your flight and will fly again with us in the future.’ Jade wound up the cord of her headset before she tucked it away after the flight attendant’s announcement, then, smiling, she looked over at her niece, still sleeping soundly. She looked like a tiny angel. Her little round face was resting in the pillow, her tight, strawberry-blonde curls a little messy, her arm tightly holding her rag doll and her bright blue eyes still hidden from the world. It was the second leg of their travel. The fifteen-hour-long haul from Los Angeles to Sydney had been followed by a shorter flight to Adelaide. The trip to Australia was not a journey that Jade had wanted to make initially and one that she had been delaying, but she had known it was the right thing to do. David’s mother, Maureen, and stepfather, Arthur, had wanted so much for their granddaughter to spend some time in the town where their son, Amber’s father, had grown up. So here they both were, about to touch down in a city that she remembered from David’s conversations but a place she knew nothing about. Her stomach was churning nervously. The last time she had seen Maureen and Arthur had been at the funeral almost three years before. It had been a time that Jade would never forget. Despite the overwhelming grief that no one had tried to mask, they’d shown great kindness in allowing David to be buried in Los Angeles with his wife. Jade knew that it would have been reasonable for them to want their son to be buried near them in his home town, but they had all known that David would want to be laid to rest with the woman he’d loved. And so it was that they’d left their son for ever in a city eight thousand miles from them. It displayed a generosity of spirit, and Jade knew in her heart why David had been such a loving and considerate man. He had been his parents’ son. They had not visited Los Angeles again after the funeral, but Jade had accepted it would have been too sad to return to the place where their son had died. They had kept in contact with calls and emails and gifts for Amber’s birthday and Christmas. Amber’s birthdays were a bitter-sweet time for everyone as she had been born on the day her parents had both died. An unspoken agreement made them all try to celebrate the beautiful gift they had been given on that fateful day. Jade felt an empty ache inside for what everyone had lost. Some nights she lay awake with her memories and overwhelming sadness. A trigger such as Amber’s first step, first word, first anything reminded Jade of how Ruby and David should be there to witness their daughter’s milestones. And they weren’t. Amber never cried; she was too young to know what she was missing, and Jade was determined to devote her life to filling any gaps. Amber would never want for anything in her life. She would never be alone in the world. As they walked across the air bridge, Jade spied David’s mother and stepfather. Maureen was beaming with excitement, her smile so wide that Jade could see it before she entered the arrival lounge. Arthur’s expression was more stoic, almost stern, but she knew he was a good man and a generous one. Maureen was dressed in a pastel floral summer dress and wore flat gold sandals, her blonde hair cut in a short, modern style. Arthur wore long beige trousers with a navy and cream checked shirt, his hair silver grey. They were a stylishly conservative couple, sharing David’s dress sense, Jade thought. Holding Amber’s tiny hand in hers, Jade walked up the carpeted incline to where the couple were waiting. Still a little drowsy, Amber was struggling to hold on to her ragdoll, and the soft legs dragged behind them into the terminal. ‘Hello, Maureen,’ Jade said, and kissed the woman’s cheek lightly. Then she greeted Arthur with a kiss to his sun-wrinkled cheek. Jade wondered if it was tennis or golf that had weathered his happy face. Now retired, he had spent his working life as a surgeon so she knew it wasn’t from toiling in the midday sun. ‘Amber, sweetheart, this is Grandma and Grandpa.’ ‘Hello, Amber, I hope you both had a good trip,’ Maureen said, directing her comment to Jade as she wrapped her arms around Amber and kissed her ruddy, warm cheek. ‘Hello,’ came Amber’s shy, almost muttered reply. Jade noticed her niece flinch and wriggle before she leant back, wanting to be in her arms. Understanding the little girl’s reticence at being embraced by a woman she didn’t know, Jade gently reached for her. ‘She’s a bit tired,’ she said apologetically, and she lifted the child, who was now looking quite worried, almost teary, into her arms ‘It was a long flight, but I certainly couldn’t complain. It was very generous of you to fly us here first class.’ ‘Nonsense, we wouldn’t have it any other way,’ Maureen announced, still stroking the little girl’s arm, and to Jade’s relief not offended by the child’s reaction. ‘Nothing is too good for either of you. You are family and our home is your home for as long as you can stay. I’m hoping you love Adelaide so much you won’t ever leave. We have such a big house all to ourselves.’ Smiling, Arthur rolled his eyes at the complete lack of subtlety in his wife’s announcement, took hold of Jade’s carry-on luggage, and together, the four of them made their way to collect the checked-in luggage. Jade smiled at the warmth and genuine sentiment in Maureen’s words. But it would never happen. Their lives were in Los Angeles and they were in Adelaide for one month. It was all the leave she could take from Cedars Sinai, where she still worked but now part time. Jade had thought about leaving when Amber had been discharged to her care. She had wondered how she would pull into the car park of the hospital where her sister had passed away. But over time it gave her comfort to know she was where Ruby had spent her last moments of life. And where Amber had taken her first breath. But now they were in Adelaide and, despite being a little weary, Jade was happy she had made the trip. Maureen and Arthur had lost their son and they deserved to spend time with their granddaughter. It would be Amber’s third birthday while they were together and the third anniversary of Ruby and David’s death. They could both console each other and celebrate together. As they all headed down the escalators, Arthur insisted on collecting their bags from the luggage carousel so Jade and Amber could enjoy the sun outside. ‘Go on, head outside and stretch your legs,’ he told Jade. ‘Amber’s case is bright pink with yellow polka dots,’ Jade replied as she scooped up the rag doll, now a little grubby from being dragged through the airport, and put it in her oversized handbag. ‘Mine’s a little less embarrassing for you. It’s a silver hard-shell suitcase with a red luggage tag.’ Arthur smiled, handed Maureen Jade’s carry-on and headed over to wait with the other passengers and families for the luggage to arrive. Slipping on her sunglasses, Jade stepped out under the brilliant blue sky with Amber stuck by her side like a magnet. The sun felt good on her face. Perhaps a break like this was just what they both needed. ‘We can’t tell you how excited we both are to have you and Amber here, Jade.’ Jade turned and smiled at Amber’s grandmother. The joy in Maureen’s face made the long flight worthwhile to Jade. ‘We’re very happy to be here.’ It wasn’t long before Arthur reappeared with the two large suitcases and they were on their way to the high-rise airport car park. ‘Uncle Mitchell might be there when we get home,’ Maureen said to Amber, who in turn showed little reaction to the words of the nice older lady she didn’t know. Jade was momentarily confused. Uncle Mitchell? Then quickly the fog of the long flight lifted and she remembered David’s brother. Although last she’d heard he was still living in some remote part of the world. He was the older but immature brother who never settled down but instead travelled widely and lived his life as one great big adventure. Like a nomad who pitched a tent wherever the mood took him. ‘Isn’t Mitchell living overseas?’ Maureen ran her fingers gently through Amber’s mess of curls that Jade realised badly needed a brush. This time Amber didn’t flinch, and Jade surmised that her niece had worked out that Maureen posed no threat. Jade hoped the two would grow close quite quickly, as their time together would be limited and precious. ‘No, Mitchell’s here in Adelaide at the moment. He’s been in Africa for over four years but he came home a few months ago. Not long after he heard you were planning on visiting. Quite a coincidence really.’ She raised her gaze to meet Jade’s and with a knowing look added, ‘I think he knew we needed him. Although he’ll never admit it. He’s quite the independent type but I think he was worried about all of us. Not sure how long he’ll stay, though, as he’s not one to lay down any roots. But still, he’s here and he has the opportunity to meet you and celebrate his niece’s birthday and that is all that matters.’ Jade didn’t give it much thought. Her focus was to repay Arthur and Maureen for their kindness in the only way she could—by allowing them to spend time with Amber. Uncle Mitchell could waltz in and out as he pleased, which, from everything she had heard, was his style. No fixed address for any extended period appeared to be his way of life and it didn’t look as if it had changed. Mitchell’s devil-may-care way of life was not her concern. She had met men like him before and had dated a few of them but that was in her past. And she had no intention of treading in that territory again. When it came to men Jade was numb. She didn’t hate men, but she certainly didn’t need a man in her life any more. Her priorities had changed the night of the accident. She didn’t have time to think about men or relationships. They no longer factored into her life. Now her focus was Amber, her work at the hospital and building a happy, secure life for the two of them. Men were a distraction and she didn’t have room in her life for any distractions. She owed her sister and David her undivided attention to their daughter. She had promised them both that in her prayers the night Amber had been born. ‘So how is little Amber doing?’ Arthur asked matter-of-factly, as he inserted his validated parking ticket into the machine and waited for the arm to rise and release them. ‘I know she’s had a number of medical issues but she’s a far cry from the infant we saw in ICU. She looks the picture of health now.’ As he spoke, the automated arm lifted, and they left the car park and headed in the direction of the main road that would lead to their beachside residence. Jade looked down at Amber, who was still drowsy and now sucking her thumb. The last time she’d seen Maureen and David had been at the funeral and when they’d visited Amber in hospital. She had been less than a week old and a little over two pounds by then. The little girl had been through so much over the years and there were still potential medical hurdles ahead, but Jade tried not to dwell on them. She was also aware that Arthur was a retired orthopaedic surgeon so he had the understanding and ability to process the medical details. ‘As I said in my emails, Amber was diagnosed with dysplasia in her right kidney.’ ‘What’s kidney dysplasia and is it serious?’ Maureen interrupted. ‘It means, darling,’ Arthur began to explain as he watched the lights change at the intersection, ‘that one of little Amber’s kidneys didn’t develop properly before she was born and she has fluid-filled sacs instead of healthy tissue in one kidney, but the other one is perfectly fine and doing the work of both.’ ‘Can that go on indefinitely or will the good kidney be overworked?’ Maureen’s question was directed at both Jade and Arthur. Arthur looked over at his wife with a knowing expression. She had no medical knowledge but she was an intelligent and inquisitive woman and they were two of the many reasons he had married her. He knew she would have excelled in any field she had chosen so he did not need to over-simplify his medical terminology around her. ‘A baby or, in Amber’s case, a young child with one working kidney can grow normally without too many health problems. Babies with kidney dysplasia affecting both kidneys generally do not survive pregnancy, and those who do survive need dialysis and a kidney transplant very early in life.’ ‘How dreadful for the child and the parents.’ Jade stroked Amber’s forehead gently and watched her precious niece holding on tightly to the favourite rag doll she had pulled from Jade’s bag. ‘We are fortunate, but Amber is still being closely monitored back in LA,’ Jade added. ‘How did it happen?’ Maureen asked as they left the highway. ‘Kidney dysplasia can have genetic causes,’ Jade replied, imparting the information as if she were back at the hospital, rather than talking about the little girl dozing by her side. It was easier that way. ‘It appears to be a dominant trait, which means one parent may pass the trait to a child. Normally, when this is discovered, the child’s parents undergo an ultrasound to confirm if either have the condition but this wasn’t possible for Amber so we will never know if it was Ruby or David. And really it’s a moot point,’ she said as the car headed over a small bridge. Jade could see the shimmering ocean ahead and she looked forward to spending a few weeks by the beach, not overthinking what might lie ahead. She knew what she might face in the future with Amber’s condition and, as always, it was upsetting just to think about it. ‘But the important thing is our granddaughter is healthy and that makes me happy.’ ‘Amber is healthy now,’ Jade confirmed, then paused for a moment to gather her thoughts and not become emotional. She was tired from the flight and she tried not the think about the potentially life-threatening condition that Amber could face if her functioning kidney were to fail. ‘She’s monitored closely and I suppose that’s why it took so long for us to get here. I wanted to make sure she was well enough to fly and not compromise or exacerbate her condition.’ ‘So she got the all-clear to be here from her paediatric nephrologist in LA?’ Arthur asked as he indicated and turned into their street. ‘Yes, Dr Mulligan said it would be fine but he gave me the details for the renal unit at the Eastern Memorial Hospital should there be any issues.’ ‘That’s my old stomping ground. I only retired last year,’ Arthur responded with a touch of melancholy colouring his voice. ‘Yes, I remember that from one of your emails, so it’s comforting that you know the hospital well,’ she returned. ‘But let’s hope we won’t need to visit there as she had an examination with Dr Mulligan only two days before we left and he said that she is progressing well and may travel through life with no other issues. That’s the best-case scenario, but if we aren’t that fortunate, I hope treatment is many years away and she is old enough to understand it. Although she will need genetic counselling when, and if, she wants children of her own one day.’ ‘Goodness, children of her own. That’s such a very long time away. Let’s not rush the poor child.’ Maureen turned around and once again looked proudly at her only grandchild. Her happiness was contagious and lifted Jade’s spirits again. ‘So there’s no need to think she’ll be anything other than fine and she can look forward to spending four lovely weeks with us,’ Arthur retorted, purposely lifting the tone of his voice. ‘And her Uncle Mitchell,’ Maureen added, happiness evident in her voice. Uncle Mitchell. Jade was taken aback yet again at hearing his name. Although she was far from curious about the elusive Mitchell, apparently she was finally going to meet him and so was Amber. The seemingly irresponsible brother with wanderlust. Ruby and David had eloped so there had never been a wedding to allow the families to meet. Although it wouldn’t have been a huge gathering as there had not been much of a family on Ruby’s side. There had only been Jade and Ruby. Jade suspected that was why David had suggested eloping. The idea of David’s family filling one side of the church and their side empty but for their friends would have made the day bitter-sweet and that was why she assumed he’d arranged an impromptu sunset wedding in Maui. He had been a considerate and devoted man. And from what she had heard completely at odds with his brother. Mitchell hadn’t travelled over for the funeral but Jade had been dealing with her own insurmountable sadness so she hadn’t been too aware of anyone else and their presence or lack thereof then. It had been a sad time that she wanted to both forget and remember. Remember because it had been her last connection to the sister she’d loved completely, and forget because she hadn’t thought she would survive the sense of loss that had threatened her sanity during those weeks and months that had followed the accident. But apart from his lack of interest in his brother’s funeral, Jade knew little about Mitchell. Over the years postcards and photographs from far-away places had arrived, somewhat battered, and the very occasional email when Mitchell had been somewhere with an internet connection. Jade had seen them pinned to the corkboard in her sister’s kitchen when she’d visited. It had been difficult to see what he looked like behind the wraparound sunglasses he’d worn in all the shots. But scruffy and rough around the edges was the lasting impression. His hair was long and wild, almost in dreadlocks, and so, too, was his beard. David, on the other hand, had been clean cut and well mannered. And Mitchell appeared to have a new girlfriend in each photo. For some reason, David’s face would light up when he’d looked at the photographs and the reverence he’d felt for his brother had been clear. He would say proudly that Mitchell was the most selfless person in the world and the best brother, but neither Ruby nor Jade had been able to see any evidence of it. The brothers had had a bond that had stretched across the continents and oceans that had separated them, and Ruby would often say that she never understood what was so admirable about his carefree, and from the content of the photographs, playboy lifestyle. The bungee jumping, abseiling and mountain climbing all pointed to an adrenalin-driven way of life. He was a nomad and spent a great deal of time in countries on the African continent. Nothing like the life that David had chosen. Ruby and David had been so perfectly suited and Jade had been happy for her sister. Jade was not like her sister, though. She had never found the man perfectly suited to her. Although she wasn’t actively searching, either. Her mantra drove her to live a full life and not rush to settle down. She had dated a few men, including an up-and-coming musician who had left town to make it on the East Coast, then a pro-football player while she’d been at college and a bull rider during her first nursing placement. Jade had liked the idea that she’d been with a man involved in what was called the most dangerous eight seconds in sport but the fascination had quickly faded and Jade had lost interest, just like she had with the others. There had been something missing. They’d had fun times but there had been no real connection. She hadn’t been looking for the one but even if she had been she hadn’t found him. Ruby had not liked any of Jade’s boyfriends. She’d thought her taste had been deteriorating, not improving, and hadn’t hidden her aversion to what had appeared to be Jade’s less-than-desirable type. She’d worried that the way her sister had dressed might have had something to do with the men she’d attracted and she oftentimes would suggest a more demure style, like her own, but Jade had loved her shorts and T-shirts. Ruby had complained that the men Jade had liked had been too wild and a man who couldn’t be tamed would never be for keeps. Jade hadn’t been looking for for ever, like her sister; she’d been happy to just enjoy a life without ties. She’d lived for the moment. A serious relationship had held little or no appeal. She’d just been too busy enjoying life and having fun because life was short. Looking back now, Jade reluctantly admitted to herself that Mitchell’s ongoing carefree life was not too far from her former life. Her life before she’d become Amber’s guardian. A life that she had almost forgotten. She had been skydiving more than once and had loved it. The rush that had engulfed her mind and her body as she’d been freefalling towards the ground just before the chute had opened had been thrilling. Her heart had raced, and she’d felt alive and exhilarated, but now her feet would be firmly placed on the ground. Now she wouldn’t even contemplate a roller-coaster ride at Six Flags, her once favourite theme park and the destination of her former regular weekend trek with friends. Now there was nothing in the world more important than taking care of her niece and making sure they were both safe at all times. The old free spirited Jade Grant was now very tame and very conservative in every possible way. Her once long blonde hair was now a short pixie cut, her clothes were more in keeping with someone at least ten years older and her make-up nonexistent save for some tinted sunscreen and lip gloss. She was doing her best in every way to be exactly the person Amber needed and that Ruby and David would have wanted to be her daughter’s guardian. The old Jade had been packed away. She wanted Amber to feel safe and the best way she knew how to do that was to be more like Ruby. Sensible was now her middle name. ‘Here we are,’ Arthur announced as he pulled the SUV into the driveway of the luxurious three-storey home. The architecture was modern, with a large glass balcony on both upper floors overlooking the beach. Jade lowered her glasses. The home was palatial and the view as she stepped out of the car and looked around was spectacular. ‘It’s beautiful. What part of Adelaide is this?’ ‘Glenelg … North Glenelg, to be exact,’ Arthur said with pride as he lifted the cases from the back of the vehicle. ‘Just love it here, like an all-year-round holiday but still so close to the city. And you can go surfing if you’d like. Mitchell’s renting a condo just down the road, walking distance actually, but it has on-road parking, with no storage space so he leaves his surfboard in our garage. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if you borrowed it. I remember David telling us you were quite a surfer girl.’ Jade froze. Surfer girl? That had been a lifetime ago. And it was a pastime that she would never contemplate again. Now that love of riding a wave was tainted by the reality that she could easily be knocked unconscious by her own board and drown at the bottom of the ocean. Surfing was right up there with the all the other activities from her past. Something she’d once done during summer break with her friends at Malibu but something that she would never consider now. With every day she found a greater understanding of how Ruby had seen life. And how that was needed, for Amber’s well-being. ‘I’m not a surfer any more, or even much of a swimmer, to be honest, but I’m sure Amber will love building sandcastles.’ ‘I’m sure she will. And the shops are close by, too,’ Maureen added, hoping to bond with Jade over a shared love of shopping. Struggling to bring up two sons on her own, before she’d met Arthur much later in life, hadn’t allowed her to share too much but now with Jade and Amber she thought they could enjoy some time together and buy lots of pretty things for her granddaughter. Jade walked around to open the door and reach in for Amber. ‘May I?’ Maureen asked as she moved towards the car. Jade wasn’t sure how Amber would react but she politely stepped back and was pleasantly surprised when the little girl allowed her grandmother to lift her from the car. Jade stayed close at hand so Amber would stay relaxed. A smile overtook Maureen’s pretty face and she carried Amber, and the grubby rag doll, up the steps to the front door. ‘Perhaps you and your doll might like a nice bubble bath before lunch,’ Maureen said softly, and waited for Arthur to unlock the door to the home that they would all share for the next four weeks. Jade smiled as she entered the second guest bathroom half an hour later. She knelt down next to Maureen and watched her fuss over Amber as she played in the large white porcelain tub of warm bubbles. Jade had enjoyed a relaxing shower in another marble-tiled bathroom before she’d towel-dried her short hair and changed into an ankle-length cotton sundress. Long showers were a rarity as she didn’t like to leave Amber alone for too long, but safe in the knowledge that Maureen had the little girl, and that she seemed content to spend time with her grandmother, Jade had taken her time and let the hot water and steam massage her tired body. It had been almost three years of being the sole provider and now she knew that Amber was happy spending time with her grandparents Jade was looking forward to a few luxuries, like the occasional long, hot shower, over the next few weeks. But she still wouldn’t be too far away. She had heard laughter as she had approached the bathroom. Amber had a bright pink-and-white floral bath cap perched on her head but more than a few curls had slipped out and were now decorated with bubbles. The bathtub was filled with colourful plastic bath toys that Jade suspected had been purchased just for Amber. There were no other grandchildren and the toys looked far too new to have once belonged to David or Mitchell. The next four weeks no doubt would be a time for spoiling Amber, and Jade was not about to tell Arthur or Maureen otherwise. Amber had been through so much and she deserved every bit of happiness and love that could be given to her. And equally Arthur and Maureen had suffered a terrible loss and she was happy that they could finally spend time with their only link to their son, their gorgeous granddaughter. ‘What about we all head over to the beach to build a sandcastle after you’re all clean?’ ‘Well, that makes no sense at all!’ came a deep male voice from behind them. Jade jumped a little with surprise. It wasn’t Arthur’s voice and she had not heard any steps, but looking around she immediately knew why. She saw two very tanned bare feet that would have made no noise on the tile corridor leading to the bathroom. Slowly, her gaze rose to equally tanned legs and then low-slung board shorts. When her eyes met the perfectly sculpted abs and chest, she felt her heart race a little underneath her thin cotton dress. It was a feeling she had not experienced in a very long time. It was a feeling she didn’t want or need. And it rattled her usual calm demeanour. ‘You wash a child and then take her to roll in the sand. She’ll look like a piece of crumbed chicken.’ ‘Mitchell, don’t be awful,’ Maureen scolded him lightheartedly without turning around. Her attention didn’t waver from her granddaughter in the water. ‘Amber has flown for almost twenty hours so she needed to clean up. I’ll dry her before we head to the sand and she is much too beautiful to ever look like crumbed poultry.’ Jade started to climb to her feet as the banter continued. Her long dress was caught around her knees and ankles and made it difficult to get up quickly. ‘I thought I heard you up here,’ Arthur cut in, and patted Mitchell on the shoulder. ‘You’re in time to meet Jade, Amber’s aunt …’ ‘Oh, I know who Jade is,’ Mitchell replied, and put out a hand to help Jade up. ‘Pleased to finally meet you.’ Jade felt obliged to accept his hand, but she was pleasantly surprised that it wasn’t grubby and in keeping with his jungle appearance in the photos. It was clean and warm and strong. Immediately, she almost wished she had refused. Slowly, she stood to her feet and came face to face with the man she had heard so much about—the wanderer who never stayed anywhere long, the brother whom David had loved and admired, and the man who she now knew enjoyed teasing his mother. And the man who immediately took her breath away. He was not scruffy, not even close. His long blond hair, once wild and dirty, was very short and well groomed, his long beard replaced by a fine covering of dark stubble and his eyes, always hidden behind sunglasses in the photos, were the brightest shade of blue. As clear and brilliant as the sky she had seen when she’d arrived a few hours ago. It couldn’t be the same man. This man was gorgeous. And as he gently pulled her to him to softly kiss her cheek, she smelt the fresh overtones of his cologne. Her senses were suddenly overloaded. ‘Aunty Jade, catch!’ Jade turned her attention back to her niece to see a soapy plastic duck heading towards her. Instinctively, she moved to catch the airborne object but caught her sandal on the bathmat, losing her footing. She tried to steady herself but was swaying precariously. Suddenly, Mitchell’s firm hands reached out and caught her. She fell into his arms and his mouth hovered only inches from hers. His touch was warm on her bare shoulders and his strength kept her upright until she gathered her composure and could do it for herself. Her stomach began to churn nervously. Her reaction and feelings surprised her. No man had affected her that quickly for a very long time. Then she mentally corrected herself. No man had ever affected her that quickly. ‘Are you all right?’ His voice matched his appearance. It was as deep as the tan of his skin and very masculine. She stepped back and smoothed down her dress. Words had completely escaped her and his nearness made her conscious of his sensuality. Astoundingly, he had managed to remind her of her own. It was ridiculous, she knew it. She had no interest in men. Any men. They were off limits to her. She had signed a deal with herself to forget dating, to forget men in general until Amber was married or at least enrolled in college. And by that time she surmised she would probably have no appeal for them, or them for her. It hadn’t been a hard deal to keep. The men she had dated previously, her type, no longer appealed. In fact, no man had been appealing since the accident. But somehow Mitchell’s touch had left her dizzy. His expression was serious and his concern seemed genuine but she knew his type, a very handsome drifter with no ties. What she didn’t know was why she was reacting this way. There was something about the man, other than his looks, that was attracting her to him. Then she realised that looking into his eyes was like looking into Amber’s. The stunning blue eyes staring back at her were the same colour as those of the little girl she had kissed goodnight for almost three years. He was a part of the little girl as much as she was. They both shared a special bond with their beautiful niece. But looks alone was where his bond ended. The bond of family was one he had chosen not to act on. He had never tried to see Amber. Mitchell had apparently been too busy enjoying life to bother checking in on his niece. He’d left that role to Jade and although she was more than happy to be the sole caregiver, the occasional call might have been nice. It might have shown that he actually had a heart and cared. Mitchell hadn’t displayed any interest in the little girl up to now so she wasn’t about to just let him step into Amber’s life without any scrutiny. And without a damned good explanation. He had returned home to spend time with his parents for reasons known only to him and at a strangely coincidental time, but Jade supposed the shine would wear off the situation and he would be riding back into the sunset very soon. His type was nothing new to her. ‘I’m fine,’ she finally mouthed, still confused by the way he was affecting her, given the situation. Bringing her niece to Australia was not about to change the way she looked at men, or didn’t look, as the case had been. The idea that she could in any way be attracted to Amber’s uncle was ludicrous. She snapped her wandering thoughts back to reality. She was beyond angry with him for not investing some time in his niece over the past three years, although she wasn’t about to take him to task over it on meeting him. Maureen and Arthur deserved better than that. They were gracious and generous to a fault and she would not show any animosity to their son in front of them. And she also didn’t want Amber to feel anything but love when she thought of her family so she wouldn’t let on how she really felt about Mitchell when anyone else was around. That was between the two of them. Jade was aware that Amber might ask questions about Mitchell as she grew up, but she had already planned on being diplomatic about the absent uncle purely out of respect for David. She owed nothing to Mitchell so it was not out of respect for him. Jade planned on asking the hard questions when they were alone. She deserved to know why he had never bothered to reach out and get to know the little girl who was a living bond to the brother who had adored him. Jade did not understand how he could move on with his life and not want the child to be a part of it. It made no sense at all to her. Neither had her feelings when he’d touched her. Suddenly, nothing made sense. How could she be attracted to a man she resented? It was ridiculous. ‘Are you sure you’re okay?’ Mitchell gave her a wary look as he studied her. She was pretty, very pretty, he thought, but she appeared quite uptight. Almost like a governess. Her dress was plain, not unlike something a farmer’s wife or librarian might have in their closet. It was safe, almost virginal. Then the word came to him. Prim. Jade’s appearance was the epitome of primness. Proper and nice and completely disguising any sign of her womanly curves. The hem of her sundress was just above her ankles so even her legs were almost hidden from view. Her arms were bare but he suspected she would have a cardigan or shawl close by. Her hair was practical and he saw there was no sign of make-up, although she truly did not need it anyway. She was naturally pretty. Yet this woman before him did not match the one described by David as Ruby’s wild-child sister. The one who lived life like one long party. Mitchell had arrived at his parents’ home expecting a fun-loving Daisy Duke and was sadly disappointed. There was no reality he knew in which wild-child and Jade would sit comfortably side by side. They were poles apart—in fact, Mitchell thought there was close to a universe dividing them. He had imagined from his brother’s reports that they would have much in common and would enjoy spending time together while she was in town. But as he had no interest in spending time at the local library, it wasn’t going to happen. Life was short and he wasn’t about to waste any of it. It was a not a coincidence that he had returned while Jade and Amber were in town. He had wanted to meet her and extend his condolences. Something he hadn’t been able to do after the accident. He had been working in a remote village with Doctors Without Borders and he hadn’t managed to secure passage home in time for the funeral. There had been no internet or phone coverage and he’d only found out about the accident the day before the service. After that he’d seen no point in going. He hadn’t wanted to fly to the US and have expectations and responsibility put upon him the moment he landed. He was not father material and suspected that, however wild, Jade would be a better guardian for Amber. Better by far. Coming to Australia meant he could meet Jade and Amber and then disappear again back to his own life and leave them to theirs. He’d wanted to meet his niece more than anything and it had torn at him not to have done so before, but he’d been afraid about the damage he might cause by raising expectations he couldn’t meet. He hadn’t wanted to step into their lives when he had no intention of staying. But this visit was different. It was a holiday and that in his mind equated to no residual scars for any of them. It was neutral territory for the meeting. Jade and Amber would have Maureen and Arthur to depend on in the future if the need arose. It was a better option all round. He had, however, imagined he might enjoy his time with Jade. With everyone in holiday mode it might be fun, but looking at her now he felt sure that the word fun was not in her dictionary. He wondered how his older brother’s idea of wild could be that different from his own. Or had Jade changed? Something just didn’t add up. ‘I’m absolutely fine,’ she responded politely, and turned away from what she found to be a scrutinising gaze from an absurdly handsome man whom she wanted to scold for his apathy where his niece was concerned. ‘Are you ready to build some sandcastles?’ Jade asked Amber to steer her mind and mouth from telling him what she was really thinking. ‘Yeth, pleath,’ came the lisped reply. Maureen laughed and reached into the warm water and pulled the bathplug free. ‘Grandma will lift you out then, sweetheart,’ Maureen began as she pulled the little girl from her watery surroundings and wrapped her in the fluffy white towel. ‘Amber, this is your uncle Mitchell.’ Mitchell dropped to his knees and put out his hand. Amber met it with a handshake. ‘Very pleased to meet you, Amber,’ Mitchell said softly. Then, looking from side to side, he added, ‘If you want some fun away from the fuddy-duddies you call me and we’ll go pony riding or maybe up to the Monarto Zoo, where they have lions and tigers and bears … Oh, my …’ Amber giggled at him. The Wizard of Oz was one of her favourite movies. ‘I think that Amber will be just fine building sandcastles,’ Jade cut in firmly with an expression of horror. Lions and horseback riding? Was he completely mad? Not a word or sight of the man in almost three years and now he wanted to whisk his niece off on a wildlife adventure and call it a fun day out. Hell would freeze over before she would let him take Amber anywhere. ‘Then I guess I’ll leave you ladies to it,’ Mitchell said, climbing back to his feet and stepping back. He tried to mask his confusion and disappointment. He had been looking forward to spending time with the fun-loving Jade he had heard about but this very tame version was definitely giving him the cold shoulder. He got the message loud and clear. They had nothing in common, except their fondness of the little girl now walking like an Egyptian mummy in her oversized towel towards the door. ‘There’s a great breeze up now so I’m going to spend the afternoon windsurfing.’ With that, he disappeared from the doorway. ‘Don’t forget the sunblock.’ His mother’s words echoed down the hallway after him. ‘I’m thirty-six years of age and I’ve spent four years in Africa and two in Saudi Arabia so I think I’ll be just fine.’ He shook his head and waved goodbye but didn’t turn around. Jade watched his mother’s lips curve into a smile. There was clearly something in Mitchell that made his mother happy, but Jade wasn’t buying it. To her, he was selfish and self-serving. Extremely handsome, she conceded, but that was not the point, she reminded herself. He was everything she didn’t want or need to influence Amber’s choices in life. ‘Really, Maureen, do you want to scare your son away again?’ Arthur asked with a grin as he scratched his shaking head. ‘He’s an adult, so just do your helicopter mothering with little Amber … And be careful, Jade, she’ll have her sights on doing the same to you if you let her.’ Jade knew she had to mask the animosity she felt for Mitchell. She would be happy if he windsurfed for the entire four weeks and left them alone. Or, better yet, a huge gust took him safely back to Africa. She was unnerved by the man. She didn’t like the feeling at all. Although she didn’t like simmering anger either, it was preferable to what he was stirring inside her. Her pulse had slowed after he’d left and that was how it needed to stay, she thought as she followed Amber and Maureen back to the guest room. It was a pretty room, decorated in soft peach hues with two double beds and a view of the beach. The balcony doors were closed, and Jade intended on keeping them that way, even though she knew the high glass-and-chrome balustrade would more than protect Amber. Better safe than sorry was her new mantra. Life is short had been replaced the day she had held Amber in her arms for the first time. ‘There’s another guest room but I thought Amber would want you to sleep in the same room as it’s a strange house to her.’ ‘She would, thank you.’ ‘I bought a few bits and pieces for Amber to wear here and then take back home to America with you,’ Maureen announced, and slid open one of the built-in wardrobe doors to reveal clothing fit for a little princess or three. ‘I wasn’t sure what Amber’s favourite colour was—’ ‘So she bought them in every colour,’ Arthur cut in, rolling his eyes before he walked away and left the women to themselves. ‘It’s too much. It will never fit in her suitcase,’ Jade said softly, not wanting to offend Maureen but also aware that Amber shouldn’t become accustomed to a lavish lifestyle as she would not be able to keep it up when they returned to Los Angeles. Amber and Jade were living in the home that David and Ruby had bought. Although it was sad at times, Jade thought that it was important for Amber to grow up surrounded by her parents’ belongings. The house had been left to Jade and Mitchell in the will but Mitchell had sent a message through his lawyer that he wanted his share given to Amber. She had sent a letter back to him through the lawyer, showing her gratitude at his generosity, but she’d never received a reply. She didn’t know if he hadn’t received her thanks or if he’d just chosen to ignore them. Either way, Jade had left it alone. Whatever his reasons, he had given Amber his share of the property and his actions did allow them to own a house. It was a lovely home in Hancock Park, not too far from the hospital. Her neighbours were an older couple who had never been blessed with children and they were very happy to babysit Amber when Jade was working. They’d told her it was better that she got out of the house and they loved the time they spent with the little girl. She was like the grandchild they’d never had. But working only part time didn’t allow for too many luxuries. Jade had invested the insurance money that David and Ruby had left behind to ensure that Amber had her college education well covered. ‘Nonsense,’ Maureen replied. ‘I will have them shipped back to LA for you. Now, what about shorts and a pretty top for the beach?’ ‘That would be lovely,’ Jade responded, accepting that Maureen had every right to spoil Amber and it would save her buying clothes for at least two years, judging by the number of outfits decorating the brightly coloured hangers. ‘Her favourite colour this week is yellow.’ ‘Yeth, yellow!’ Amber said, jumping up and down and losing her towel, which fell to the floor. Maureen looked up at Jade with a knowing smile. ‘Then yellow it is, Missy Amber,’ she said, giving the little girl a yellow bikini before she pulled a pair of yellow shorts with daisies embroidered on the pockets and a yellow-and-pink-striped top with pretty capped sleeves. Jade walked over to the long line of glass doors as Maureen happily helped the little girl into her new outfit. The breeze had picked up, sending white-tipped waves gently rolling into the shore. The huge expanse of sand was dotted with large colourful beach umbrellas. The Australian coastline was even more stunning than she had imagined. Suddenly, something caught her eye, and she saw a figure crossing the road below. She leant forward against the glass and recognised Mitchell. He was carrying his windsurfing board to the steps that led to the beach. His broad shoulders were tanned and his shorts still hung low on his hips. Her view was spectacular and the ocean had nothing to do with it. The vision of the man made her heart skip a beat involuntarily and stole her breath away yet again. Nervously, she bit her lip and tucked her hair behind her ears. Neither action distracted her. Mitchell had her full attention. And she didn’t like it because she didn’t want to like Mitchell Forrester. CHAPTER TWO (#ulink_b30ef11c-6700-5489-be7a-af985f953e92) ‘WHY DON’T YOU lot come on in? The water’s fine.’ Jade fought her desire to look up, but her eyes had a mind of their own and even convinced her chin to lift in the direction of the voice she knew full well was Mitchell’s. It was deep and mellow, not unlike the smooth delivery of a late-night radio host on a programme that played love songs to those people who had no one beside them in bed. Jade knew the tone very well. It was how she fell asleep most nights. She had tried talk-back radio but listening to strangers’ intimate thoughts didn’t do anything for a good night’s sleep, and the news was at times distressing, so late-night love songs became her preferred bedtime companion. ‘I’m sure it is …’ she started coolly, and paused as she watched through the filter of her sunglasses the water trickle down his sculpted body. She had already witnessed the firmness of the curves when he’d steadied her from tripping, but this close, and with the sun hitting every muscle and the salt water still dripping from his hair, the image was magnified. A life drawing class would not have seen a model more perfect. She tried to blink away the thoughts he was stirring but they were standing their ground and disturbing her equilibrium. ‘We’re happy here making sandcastles,’ she finally managed to mutter with a lack of interest at his proposition she hoped was evident in her tone. ‘And it’s an awesome castle, but how about you and I hit the shallows?’ Jade was confused. The shallows? Why would she want to hit the shallows? It seemed an odd suggestion but he was being persistent and she thought it would give her the opportunity to question him over his lack of contact with his niece out of earshot of his very sweet parents. It wasn’t his fault the universe had bestowed a body upon him that was causing her dormant hormones to suddenly feel alive. She would just have to deal with that. Maureen was there to take care of Amber so perhaps a stroll along the shallows would be a nice idea. The rationale for her decision to accept his proposition seemed logical, so she slowly stood to her feet. He had generously given his share of the house to Amber so her line of questioning would be polite but firm. She just had to keep her cool. ‘I think that’s a lovely idea,’ she said, thankful that her voice did not betray her breathlessness. Now she was angry with herself as well as him. ‘Great. Amber, let’s go. Aunty Jade has given me approval to take you in to get your feet wet.’ He stretched his hands down and playfully pulled her to her feet. ‘Yippee,’ came Amber’s excited response, followed by a huge smile. ‘Do you want to race me?’ ‘Yeth, I’ll win!’ Jade was speechless. The invitation hadn’t been for her. It had been for a splash in the shallows with his niece. Embarrassment brought the colour rushing to her cheeks as the pair took off across the sand. ‘Would you like a cool drink?’ Maureen asked. ‘You look a little flushed. Perhaps you should come back under the umbrella with me.’ Jade nodded sheepishly and, dragging her dress in the sand, walked over to the shade where Maureen was sitting with her legs stretched out. Jade lifted her sun hat off and sat down in the soft sand. Words had escaped her. She felt like a fool but was at least grateful she’d been the only witness. It could have been worse, she thought. At least she hadn’t put her hand up to be lifted from her sandy rest, so no one knew she had mistakenly thought Mitchell wanted to spend time with her. As if he would … And as if she was interested. It was only ever going to be a chance to hear his reason for being the absent uncle, nothing more. There was no other reason that could possibly make her want to spend time with Mitchell. Now she was doubly angry. With him … and with herself. ‘Here, take this.’ Maureen handed Jade a cold can of soft drink. ‘It might help you to cool down.’ Jade wanted to put the icy metal can against her reddened cheeks but decided against it and drank the sweet fizzy drink instead. It felt good. And it made for a good cover. Maureen would have no idea it was pure embarrassment and not the sun that had made her blush. ‘Look over there at the pair of them. Isn’t he a natural father?’ Maureen proudly stated rather than asked. Jade raised her brow sceptically as she watched Mitchell and Amber splashing in the shallows. ‘They’re having fun,’ she conceded, but she wouldn’t commit to anything more. She wasn’t about to agree to his paternal potential. In her eyes, he was a rolling stone who didn’t show any interest in anyone but himself. Not even close to the criteria for the title of father. ‘So what about you? How have you been?’ Maureen asked with genuine concern and interest in her voice. ‘Everything has been about Amber but what’s happening in your world?’ Jade appreciated the question. It was nice to be asked but not something she had expected. ‘I’m fine. Amber keeps me busy and I do part-time nursing in Neonatal ICU … I mean Intensive Care.’ ‘I know the acronym. Arthur’s used the term enough. But it must be hard for you. Taking care of a little one and working.’ ‘We get by. Amber is a joy and a blessing so you’ll not ever hear me complain.’ ‘Well, we just want you to relax and enjoy your time here. You can do with a break. I’m more than happy to help with Amber. She’s so adorable and a credit to you, Jade. You’ve done a wonderful job, bringing her up.’ ‘Thank you, but it hasn’t been too difficult. She’s her parents’ daughter and a sweetie, she rarely complains—well, except for her current dislike of broccoli and Brussels sprouts.’ ‘I’ll remember no green vegetables when I put dinner on tonight.’ Jade returned a distracted smile as she looked back at Mitchell and Amber, now lying on the sand and letting the water hit their feet. Amber was doing her best sand angel and Jade knew her niece’s toothy grin would be from ear to ear. ‘Arthur told me you’ve applied to do some agency work while you’re here. I’m more than happy, as he probably told you, to look after Amber any time. So if you want to do a shift, please, don’t hesitate, but …’ She paused for a moment and then her perfectly manicured hand patted Jade’s, whose hands hadn’t had a manicure in years. ‘I just think that you, with your role as a single parent for the last three years, could do with spending the summer on the beach with a good book.’ Jade would love to do just that but she needed to work. A month without work could not be accommodated by her tight budget. While there was no mortgage, running the big house meant a lot of bills and Jade would never touch the money put away for Amber. Six months before the planned trip she had applied to the Australian Nursing and Midwifery Board for recognition of her qualification to ensure she met the criteria to allow her to work for a health professionals’ agency over the month’s holiday. ‘I appreciate you taking care of Amber but I will try to fit my work around you and Arthur, I don’t want to impose or overstep your kindness …’ ‘Nonsense,’ Maureen countered. ‘It’s our pleasure and I insist that you spend the next four weeks doing whatever you want. Maybe even fit in a massage at my favourite spa. They have the most serene ambience with scented candles and soft music and I know Enrique’s hands could do wonders for you.’ Maureen’s eyes were closed as she described the sensation. Jade felt a tingle suddenly run down her spine. She wasn’t sure if Mitchell had awakened something in her but suddenly didn’t think it would be a good idea after three years of solitude to be in small softly lit room with Enrique, mood music and massage oil. She drew a deep breath and blinked away the images. ‘So …’Maureen dropped her already soft voice and leant in towards Jade ‘… is there a special man in your life?’ Jade was still pushing unsettling thoughts of the spa from her mind, and was about to answer the personal question diplomatically when she realised Amber was standing in front of her, dripping wet and smiling and looking a little like sand-crumbed chicken. And beside her was her very handsome beach chaperon. Jade was painfully aware that he might have heard the question his mother had dropped on her without warning. Quickly, he confirmed her suspicions. ‘Don’t be shy,’ Mitchell urged with a smile that showed his perfect white teeth. ‘My mother is quite a busybody and if you’re single she’ll try to matchmake you with an eligible neighbour. So if marriage is on the cards for you and you’d like her to fix you up with an Aussie husband, let her know. Personally I couldn’t think of anything worse than being trapped in that institution, but each to his, or her, own.’ Jade wasn’t surprised by his views on marriage. To a man with wanderlust surging through his veins marriage would be like a prison. Ruby had been fortunate that she had met David. He had been the staying type and, no matter how short their lives had been cut by fate, they had loved each other completely. It had been a love and commitment that Jade had admired and respected but doubted she would ever find. ‘I’m happily single,’ she announced, not meeting Mitchell’s gaze. ‘And not looking for a husband here or in the US.’ Mitchell thought her answer made sense. From the way she was dressed he thought she should be singing on a hilltop in Austria. It wasn’t the way a woman dressed to get a man’s attention, unless he was looking for a reliable nanny for his army of children. Jade was definitely not his type of woman. It wasn’t her appearance alone that was sending him running, it was her lack of interest in anything that even slightly resembled fun. She was more like a retired army colonel than a young woman. Strict and staid. ‘Well, now you know, you can leave the poor woman alone,’ he told his mother with a wink that didn’t go unnoticed by Jade. She wasn’t sure what to make of it. Was it a signal that she was indeed a lost cause and Maureen was off the hook in trying to matchmake? It didn’t matter. Mitchell was a confirmed bachelor and she was single by choice too. Later that evening, Mitchell and Jade found themselves sitting together after dinner on the balcony of the house. Amber and her grandparents had gone to bed early but Jade wanted to stay up a little longer to unwind from the day. Knowing Amber was safely tucked into bed, she was able to relax for the first time in many years. Finally, she had the feeling of family support and reassurance that she and Amber were not alone in the world. She knew they would only be in Adelaide for a few weeks but the love Maureen and Arthur had shown in just one day was a gift she had never expected to receive and she felt in her heart that they were forming a bond that would last a lifetime. She didn’t expect or particularly want Mitchell to stay but he did of his own choice. Maureen and Arthur had appeared exhausted from the excitement of the arrival and, Jade suspected, from the preparations for the visit. Amber’s rag doll had been washed and hung in the sun to dry, so she and her favourite doll were clean between pretty pink sheets. Mitchell was relaxed as he swung away from the table, stretched out his tanned legs and placed them on the padded footstool. He thought the meeting with Jade and Amber had gone well. They were family and he felt good to have finally met them. Amber was a cutie and would without doubt be a heartbreaker in the future. Jade was not what he had expected but as a caregiver she fitted the bill. He had no clue that Jade didn’t feel the same way. She didn’t think he fitted any bill, and she was looking for answers. With the others asleep, she decided that it was as good a time as any to get some. She wanted Mitchell to explain his absence from Amber’s life, particularly if he wanted a place in her future. But she was also mindful that his generosity in forgoing his inheritance from his brother had provided a lovely home for them. It was a little like an emotional landmine, but one she wanted to navigate to a satisfactory conclusion for all of them. Biting the inside of her lip awkwardly, she tried to find a way to ask without the question escalating to something unpleasant, particularly in Maureen and Arthur’s home. She shifted uncomfortably in her seat and drew a few short breaths. She felt a little torn about her line of approach. Gratitude, confusion and anger were all vying to direct the opening line of the conversation. ‘What is it?’ Mitchell asked, a little confused by her demeanour as he watched her becoming increasingly agitated. ‘I just don’t …’ she stumbled, and paused and looked away from his intense stare. His deep blue eyes were drawing her in. The softness of his mouth was a stark contrast to the angular lines of his jaw. The same way her demure dress was a stark contrast to the desire he was unwittingly stirring deep inside her. The old Jade would not have hesitated to see where this infatuation might lead. To flirt a little and find out if it was a two-way street. To see if Mitchell’s strong, tanned arms would pull her close and hold her as his sensual mouth claimed hers. She hurriedly blinked away the mental images that were crippling her line of thought. It was crazy. Perhaps that was a side effect of jet-lag, her sensible side suggested. But she knew the change in hemisphere wasn’t bringing her to life. That it was Mitchell doing it all on his own. And she had to stop it. Reminding herself that she didn’t even like the man sitting opposite her, let alone desire him, she took a sip of her iced tea. It was old Jade’s healthy but unwanted libido rising to the surface again. ‘I just don’t understand why you never visited Amber. She’s your niece. The daughter of the brother you lost, and you didn’t want to meet her. I just don’t get it.’ She blurted the words out at lightning speed to block out everything else she was feeling. That was exactly the question that Mitchell had hoped to avoid. Not that it wasn’t warranted. It just wasn’t something he wanted to go into. He wasn’t ready to once again be responsible for others. He’d been there and done that. He had hoped his financial contribution would be far more valuable than anything he could offer emotionally. ‘I’m not a fan of LA,’ he offered up as a reply. It was a half-truth as he didn’t like big cities. ‘I’m more of an uncharted waters kind of a guy. Not into multi-lane freeways and high-rise apartments. Frankly, Hollywood just isn’t my scene.’ Jade’s face contorted at his response, and harshness coloured in her voice. ‘She’s your niece. It wasn’t a sightseeing trip that I was suggesting.’ ‘I’m here now,’ he retorted with no audible emotion. ‘Amber’s a sweet little girl and I just want us to enjoy the next few weeks.’ ‘That still doesn’t answer my question. Didn’t you want to meet your brother’s daughter?’ Her brow was lined as she spoke. She was disappointed that he didn’t offer a better explanation. She had hoped there was something of substance. Something that could justify why Mitchell had ignored his own flesh and blood for so long. But there wasn’t. The long hair was gone, the beard too, but the disinterest in anything other than satisfying his wanderlust was still there. Jade realised that Amber would never be able to rely on her uncle and that made her sad. Mitchell ran his long fingers through his hair nervously. It was clear that Jade wanted more of an explanation than he’d planned on providing. She would only be in town for a month. He didn’t want to open up old wounds about his past and his reasons for not wanting to reach out. There was no point, he reasoned. No good would come of it. He’d been burnt, he knew his limits and that was why he steered his life away from anything that resembled long-term responsibility. ‘Jade,’ he began, ‘I’m sorry that I couldn’t be there for Amber but, in all honesty, I didn’t think it would have been fair to drop in and disrupt the life she had with you and then hoist sail and take off. You provided stability for Amber. I didn’t want to wreck that when I may not have been around for too long. Over the last decade, I’ve never stayed in one place for any length of time.’ His words were honest but they were not the entire story. He would rather appear shallow and deflect people than try to be something he wasn’t and then hurt them in the long run. He just hoped that this explanation would suffice so he could leave that part of his life behind. And that part of his mother’s life too. It had been sad for everyone and they were all in a better place now. Jade wanted to hate him but the look in his eyes was somehow making that difficult. She sensed there was more to his behaviour than that, but taking a deep breath she decided that it was perhaps not the time to dig any deeper. It was late, she was tired and he had apologised. His reasons were flimsy at best but she also had to accept that losing his brother may have affected him differently. Everyone had their own way of dealing with grief. She had changed her life and settled down; Mitchell had done the opposite. Although his life on the run had started long before the accident, whatever affected Mitchell had happened well before he’d lost his brother. He clearly didn’t see the world the way she did. It was best, she thought, to let it go for the time being. Mitchell was nothing like David. And she and Amber both needed someone exactly like David. Dependable and giving with unbreakable ties to family. Mitchell didn’t tick even one of those boxes. He was just a handsome drifter, a man with a wandering spirit and more than likely a wandering heart. The night was warm and the ceiling fan was moving the air above them gently as Jade looked across the black ocean in silence. She had said enough. They both had. The moon lit the waves as they rolled in to shore and she closed her eyes for a moment. So much had happened over the past three years. So much had changed. Three years ago she would never have thought her life would play out the way it had. The old Jade’s focus had been on living for the moment and the new Jade’s was on responsibility. At times she wished her outlook on life wasn’t crippled by fear, but that came with the territory of losing Ruby and David. She refused to let anything happen to Amber, ever, even if it meant wrapping her in cotton wool sometimes. It was something that Mitchell would never understand. And something she would not bother even trying to explain. Mitchell lived in another world. And she remembered for a moment that she had once lived in a similar one. But she didn’t miss it. What she had was infinitely better. She had Amber and the little girl filled her life and her heart. As she slowly opened her eyes she felt her animosity start to lessen and looking across at Mitchell she felt it being replaced with sadness for what he had missed by not being a part of his niece’s life. And for what he would miss in the future. Living the life of a rolling stone, he would never experience the joy she had every day waking up to Amber’s precious face and the warmth of her cuddle. ‘You’ve done an amazing job raising Amber,’ Mitchell said, his voice husky and low and his eyes focused on hers. Jade was taken aback by his unexpected compliment. She lowered her gaze, a little from feeling self-conscious and a little tired from the toll of a long day of travel, and graciously accepted the olive branch. ‘Thank you, Mitchell.’ He poured some more iced water into their glasses and took a sip as he watched Jade sitting in the light of the moon. Unexpectedly for Mitchell, the longer he looked, the more Jade’s prettiness became evident, no matter how she tried to hide it. She was cute. But not his type, he reminded himself. She was a little too serious for his liking. She was a combination of mother earth and elementary teacher with a hint of Sunday school thrown in for good measure. But he was still finding himself drawn to her and he had no idea why. They were opposites of each other on every level. They both wanted only the best for Amber but that connection was as far as it would go. An unspoken truce was created in the warm evening breeze. Jade decided to leave the past where it belonged. And she also made a promise to herself … to leave Mitchell where he also belonged, at arm’s length. CHAPTER THREE (#ulink_d40a87f0-7412-5171-9331-945351bd5b4d) WITHIN MINUTES OF Jade’s head resting back into the softness of the pillow in the bed next to Amber’s she fell into a deep sleep. The past twenty-four hours had been a whirlwind. It had been happy, exhausting and a little confronting. The happiness exuded by Amber’s grandparents was contagious. It was evident to anyone within a mile that Maureen and Arthur had fallen in love with Amber on sight. Amber seemed to be enjoying the attention and being spoilt by the very kind people she had learned were her grandma and grandpa. Jade had often spoken of them over the years, and the cards and presents had arrived in the mail, but to the three-year-old they hadn’t become a reality until they’d been in the same room. The long-haul flight had been the tiring element but to Amber’s credit she hadn’t complained, although flying first class had made it much more enjoyable, and Jade was extremely grateful for that. Then there was Mitchell. Meeting him had been surprisingly unsettling. She had expected so much less than the dangerously attractive windsurfer. Her mind’s image of Amber’s uncle had been of a scruffy, sunburnt wanderer, not unlike the survivor of a shipwreck, with hair and beard that resembled an unkempt hedge. The reality was so far removed from that. He was gorgeous and as far as she could see he was under Amber’s innocent spell. But how long would that last? she wondered. Would the novelty of a niece fade as he realised that it brought with it responsibility? Although her anger was fading, her defences were still high. She accepted that he was equally irresponsible and compassionate. A walking contradiction. But no matter what, his irresponsible side would guarantee that there would be no fun excursions without her consent. In the moments before sleep claimed her, she admitted to herself that she was suddenly experiencing emotions that she had long since packed away. Her head was spinning madly and she knew the old Jade would have stepped up and enjoyed life the way she’d known how—at full speed with no brakes and no questions. But she couldn’t. Not any more. She was Amber’s guardian and she knew that it required her to behave as a dependable and controlled adult, like her sister. Providing guidance and being a role model was the job description. The Jade of old had been neither. She would have been more of a warning than a role model to her niece. Amber had to be her one and only focus. There was no room for a relationship and with a man like Mitchell a relationship would amount to one night of pleasure before he headed off to some remote location on a different continent for an indefinite period. But she dared not imagine what that night of pleasure would be like. His innocent touch sent her spiralling, so a night alone in his bed would no doubt be close to heaven. But now she had to push those needs aside and think of someone else before herself. In her heart, Jade would always know she was the reason Amber didn’t have her parents raising her so she intended to spend her life making it up to Amber. One day, when Amber was much older, they would have that conversation. Jade hoped Amber would forgive her for sending Ruby and David away on that fateful trip. Maureen and Arthur had pleaded with Jade not to hold on to any blame when they had attended the funeral but that didn’t abate the sadness and sense of responsibility she felt. She wondered if Mitchell knew the circumstances of the accident, not that she cared what he thought about her anyway. But judging by his behaviour he was not exactly strolling along any moral high road. It didn’t please Jade that Mitchell’s handsome face was the last thing she pictured before she fell asleep and her first vision in the morning. First vision? It wasn’t a dream. Jade blinked and rubbed her eyes, trying to focus. It was a reality. Mitchell was standing at the end of her bed with a beaming Amber already dressed in yet another yellow outfit, complete with a headband decorated with bumblebees and some strange blue flowers. Maureen had worked overtime in styling her granddaughter. ‘Hello, Aunty Jade,’ came the sweetest voice in the world. ‘Here’s breakfatht.’ Jade was so happy to see Amber’s smiling face but equally mortified to see Mitchell. She could only guess how dishevelled she looked. Quickly, her fingers ran through her hair to straighten the bed hair catastrophe. ‘Good morning, Jade,’ came the radio host voice. It wasn’t forced or put on. His velvet-smooth voice was God-given. ‘Good … good morning, you two. I must have slept in … What time is it?’ Horror still coloured her expression. ‘It’s barely ten,’ Mitchell said as his eyes involuntarily roamed her barely clothed body. Pulling the bedclothes up to her chin, she sat up. She was wearing a strappy powder-blue camisole and she felt awkward and uncomfortable with Mitchell so close to her. ‘I really did sleep in,’ she conceded sheepishly. ‘Well, I’d better get up and shower and see what Grandpa and Grandma have in mind for us today.’ ‘It’s a pancake. I helped make it.’ Her little voice was insistent. On cue, Mitchell walked around the bed and carefully placed the tray on her lap. He paused for a moment as he looked at her, his eyes intense as they traced the curves of her body, and his mouth curved into a smile. ‘Pancakes, juice and a beautiful flower too,’ Jade said as she leant forward to smell the rosebud. ‘I am spoilt.’ ‘Grandma thed that you need a retht.’ Jade smiled the most beautiful smile. That’s how Mitchell saw it. In the morning light with her bed hair and skimpy nightdress he thought she looked stunning. Not prim at all. She looked naturally sexy in a girl-next-door way. He had recoiled the moment he’d put the tray on her lap. He couldn’t take his eyes away from her but he didn’t want her to know just how appealing he found her. He didn’t want to admit it to himself either. The previous night he had taken the time to really look at Jade and try to find the woman underneath the layers of drab clothing. Now there was nothing to look past. She was in bed in something skimpy and revealing. The messy hair was so much better than the neat, slick bob. He imagined that it would be just as untidy if they had taken a motorcycle ride through the narrow, winding back roads leading through the foothills and he had slipped the passenger helmet slowly from her head before he kissed her … He shook his head and swallowed. He had no idea what had possessed him to be thinking about the American governess like that. ‘Okay, I think I’ll leave you to it,’ he called as he crossed the room to the doorway, quickly pulling his thoughts in line. ‘I’m off to catch some waves. I intend to make the most of my last day off before I’m back at the hospital for a week straight.’ He needed to bring the unexpected images to an end. He disappeared from her sight, knowing he couldn’t afford to think that way. She was off limits. Clearly, she was not his type and he was not hers. She was a sensible woman looking for a reliable nine-to-five accountant type. Not the fun-loving, fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants sort of girl he needed. But damn, she looked so sexy all messed up in the morning. Jade watched him leave the room, not knowing what he was thinking. But she definitely had unwanted thoughts about the man who had brought her breakfast in bed. She enjoyed the wonderful spread as she listened to Amber’s adventures in the kitchen, cooking pancakes. She felt a little guilty that Amber had never enjoyed time with her extended family before now. But she conceded that it hadn’t been possible before. Amber’s health had had to take precedence. Maureen and Arthur had never said the trip would be too difficult emotionally for them but their lack of travel to Los Angeles spelt it out to Jade and she understood. Burying their son was the only memory they had of the city. And Jade had been busy trying to pay the bills and monitoring Amber’s medical issues while working part time, so a trip Down Under hadn’t been a priority, but she decided, as she was listening to her niece’s tales from the morning, that this trip should not be the last. When her plate and glass were empty, Jade slipped on her long cotton dressing gown and the two of them made their way downstairs so Jade could say good morning and thank Maureen for a delicious breakfast. After a chat over a cup of coffee, Maureen and Arthur offered to take Amber for a stroll along the jetty to see if they could spot any dolphins, have lunch and give Jade some much-needed time to herself. Amber was excited by the idea so Jade agreed. Amber had taken to her grandparents and Jade was very happy. ‘I thought we might have a little birthday party dinner for Amber tonight,’ Maureen said softly so that Amber couldn’t hear. ‘But her birthday isn’t for three days.’ ‘I know, but Mitchell will be working all week and he always works late, and I thought it would be lovely for him to be a part of the celebrations.’ ‘Whatever you would like to do.’ ‘We can have a little luncheon party on the day at the zoo perhaps but this is a pre-birthday party, and it means Amber will get two cakes this year!’ Again Jade wasn’t about to say no. It was Maureen’s decision; it made her happy and it appeared to have been made already. Jade was aware that this week would be particularly hard on all of them. It was the third anniversary of the accident. It had been a day that had changed everyone’s lives for ever. Those who’d died, the one who had been born and the ones who’d been robbed of loved ones. So a double celebration of Amber’s birthday would be a distraction that would be beneficial for everyone. ‘There’s lots of salad things in the refrigerator and some lovely fresh bread on the bench,’ Maureen announced on the way out the door. ‘Please, help yourself for lunch, unless, of course, you want to join us. You’re most welcome—we don’t want you to think we’ve kidnapped Amber but we do feel that you’ve being doing it alone for so long that you should have a break.’ ‘I think I will stay in, but thank you for the invitation. Salad sounds great.’ Alone in the house, Jade decided to enjoy a swim in the pool. The only ‘old Jade’ outfit she had packed was a nude-coloured string bikini. She never had time to go swimming back home between work and Amber so it was the one piece of clothing she hadn’t bothered to replace with something a little more sensible. A little more suitable for her role as Amber’s guardian. Knowing that the house was hers, she slipped on the tiny swimsuit and, feeling a little self-conscious, wrapped a towel around herself and made her way to the pool, where she planned on doing laps of the crystal water in solitude. The solar heating had taken the chill off, rendering it refreshing but not cold. Jade swam the length of the pool on her back, looking at the clear blue sky with not a cloud in sight. The morning sun was warm and the breeze had dropped. It was a perfect day and she was enjoying the feeling of the water against her near-naked body. The last time she had felt so uninhibited had been on a holiday in Cabo San Lucas almost four years before. It seemed a lifetime ago. Not that she would trade her life or anyone in it but she was relishing a few minutes to herself. She climbed out of the water and, still wet, lay down on the sun lounge. Her skin was a light golden colour courtesy of one of her nurse friends who had insisted on giving Jade a spray tan in her home before she’d left for Australia. ‘Don’t want the Aussies to tread on you ‘cos you match the white sand,’ her friend had said with a laugh as she’d refilled the airbrushing machine while Amber had sat giggling as she’d watched. They had covered the room with plastic bags to protect the white tiles from the brown stain. It had been a fun afternoon, and Amber thought they’d been quite silly and very messy. Mitchell let himself into the house. With the car gone, he assumed his parents and the house guests had headed off somewhere for the day. The beach had been great, not yet hot and with just enough of a breeze for him to enjoy an hour’s windsurfing before he dropped his gear back at his house. It had cooled his libido as well. Seeing Jade in bed, looking so dishevelled, had made him view her differently and that was wrong. He knew when she was put back together the way she apparently liked to dress, she would not be his type. He liked to spend his time with fun-loving, easygoing women who knew the rules. No strings attached and definitely no schoolmarm attire. He just wanted a good time and he never misled a woman about it. He called it as it was and the women he dated knew he was not husband material. There was no chance of Mitchell Forrester being tied down. Long-term relationships always brought responsibility in buckets and he knew he was certain to fail if he was pushed to travel that road again. There was nothing that would convince him otherwise. He was burnt out on that level. He had been bolting at the first sign of responsibility or commitment in his personal life for more than a decade and he had no intention of changing now. And Jade had commitment written all over her conservative self. Walking in the front door in his now dry board shorts and sans a top, the house was quiet, just as he’d imagined it would be. Amber was as cute as could be but her high-pitched chatter with a distinct American accent would probably not let him concentrate on the task at hand. He loved children and that was why he had specialised in neonatology and paediatrics but he liked to keep his private life and his professional life separate. He never planned on having children of his own. The title of father did not factor into his future. Uncle was fine but that would be his limit. He spied the new sound system that Arthur had purchased lying unopened in the box in the living room. Arthur had no idea of how to actually make it work, and Mitchell had offered to connect it. With an empty house, he knew he would have the job finished quickly. With Maureen around, any job he did for them resembled an instructional video on replay as she asked a barrage of questions with each step he took and then asked him to repeat it again later. So this chore would be a pleasant change. He would have it all done and be gone before they came home, and that sat well with him. Leaving before they pulled into the driveway would be best. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see Amber, it was more that he didn’t know if he wanted to see Jade. She was a conundrum. The morning before he’d felt positive that he could be around her and not feel at all attracted. But that morning when she’d lain in her crumpled bed, all fresh-faced and messy, she’d suddenly inched a little closer to being his type. And that was a bad thing. Maybe that was the real Jade. He wondered if the new Jade was an attempt to be more like Ruby. A woman invented to be what Ruby and David would have wanted. But lying in bed she had been exactly what he wanted. He pushed the image from his mind. There was work to do and daydreaming about Jade would not progress anything except his desire to a level requiring a cold shower. Mitchell cut open the box and removed the first speaker. All he needed to start was the tool kit from the shed by the pool. Jade had finished applying the sunscreen to her body. The mid-morning sun probably wouldn’t burn but she knew that underneath her man-made tan she was still naturally pale and was aware the Australian sun was quite intense. With her skin now glistening from the lotion, she lay back on the sun lounge to enjoy the warm rays. Her oversized sunglasses protected her eyes and her earphones were plugged in. She didn’t have to listen out for Amber for a few hours, so she listened to her favourite southern rock as she lay in the warm sun. She didn’t have to hide as there was no one to see her in the private pool area. Her bikini was still wet and her skin tone was now a perfect match. She was completely unaware that from twenty or more feet away she appeared to be completely naked. Mitchell spied Jade from the corner of his eye and dropped the entire contents of the tool kit on the ground. His chiselled jaw fell and his eyes widened as he saw the most stunning vision lying naked beside the pool. Jade? It couldn’t be her … or could it? He hadn’t seen her when he’d walked to the shed and rifled through the contents, looking for a screwdriver and small wrenches. It had been as he’d closed the shed door that he’d seen her body draped across the sun lounge. He had never seen a woman so perfect. And she was naked. That made the vision doubly perfect to him. He struggled to pull his eyes away. The desire to admire her stunning body was fighting with the shreds of decency that had survived the shock of seeing her like that. Falling to his knees and not allowing himself to look in her direction, he began gathering the tools now strewn across the pavers leading back to the house. It was obvious she hadn’t seen him so he decided to exit the back yard and go inside without causing her any embarrassment. She had obviously decided to skinny-dip while the family were out, he realised as he fumbled to collect the last tool that had rolled onto the lawn. But Jade skinny-dipping? That was not in keeping with the persona she was portraying to everyone. She had gone from looking like a missionary to a centrefold. Maybe this was the real Jade. The woman his brother had called the rebel sister was lying naked under the Australian sun. He liked this Jade so much more. His heart was pulsing blood around his body at an alarming rate. His mind was spinning with the image that he didn’t want to blink away. The idea that Jade was prim and uptight no longer had any grounds for existence. Jade was so far from what she hid beneath her dowdy clothing. Clothing that he now suspected was a shield from the world or a reaction to what had happened. When his brother had died, he had run further from responsibility and Jade, he now assumed, had stepped up, left the fun behind and donned the sensible clothing. She had morphed into her sensible sister, Ruby. Without making another sound or looking back, he left. He had stumbled upon the most beautiful vision but he wasn’t about to take advantage of the situation. Jade thought she was alone and he would respect that assumption and leave the house. There was no need for him to let her know that he had accidentally seen what she hid from the rest of the world. The sound system had to wait until another day. Mitchell needed to take a plunge in the ocean to cool off. Jade lowered her sunglasses. Over the music, she thought she heard a noise. It was like a door was being slammed. She pulled the earphones free, wrapped the towel around her damp bikini and headed inside. ‘Anyone home?’ No response came back so, surmising it had probably been a neighbour’s door, she headed upstairs for a warm shower. The swim and the sun had been wonderful beyond belief, but she had calls to make. She needed to let the nursing agency know she had arrived and was ready for work as she needed an income while she was in Adelaide. It was obvious that Amber loved being with her grandparents and they adored being with her, so a weight had lifted from her, and Jade knew she wouldn’t be putting anyone out by working some shifts at a local hospital. She was waiting for jet-lag to hit but it hadn’t so she suspected she might be one of the few who didn’t suffer the effects from long-haul flights. So she was ready to start working whenever they called. Her papers were in order, she had been approved by the statutory body and she was ready to take on whatever temporary nursing was available. Mitchell dived into the cool waves and intended on swimming until the image of Jade lying naked on the sun lounge began to fade. Around two hundred strokes into his swim he realised that it would never disappear. It was burnt into his memory. And he wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to erase it. It was much too stunning a visual to give up that easily. He would just try very hard not to recall it too often. And particularly not when she was near him. Jade put her damp swimsuit in the laundry to dry and dressed in a calf-length grey-and-white striped skirt and grey knit top then put a call in to the nursing agency. While she was waiting to hear back, she towel-dried her hair as she wandered around the stunning home. There were pictures of David and Mitchell everywhere. As children, teenagers and also their graduation photos complete with caps, gowns and scrolled parchment. Maureen was obviously very proud of her sons and their achievements and Arthur was an equally proud stepfather. Jade didn’t know what had happened to their biological father but she did recall David saying that he had been quite young when his parents had divorced and Arthur had married Maureen quite a few years later. Then she spied Maureen and Arthur’s wedding photograph. Maureen looked to be in her early forties and Arthur perhaps in his late forties. They were dressed quite simply, both in suits, and the photograph had been taken in a park rotunda with a marriage celebrant. A photo at the back, almost hidden from view, then took her attention. It was of a very young Mitchell dressed in a work uniform. He looked barely old enough to be in high school but he was in what appeared to be a large warehouse. He appeared far too young to be working. Perhaps it had been work experience, she thought as she put down the photograph. She noticed there were a few photographs of Mitchell, resembling Tarzan, on his travels, although none with women, as there had been in the photos he had sent David. Instead, they were all solo shots in the wilderness. He had hidden his array of girlfriends from his mother, which did hint at a level of good taste. She quickly blinked away thoughts of his very active love life and continued admiring the collections of photographs. There were pictures from the beach wedding of David and Ruby. Jade reached down and picked up one of the silver-framed photographs. The happy couple were beaming and the beach at sunset in the background was spectacular. She ran her finger absent-mindedly over the image of her sister. Her long blonde hair was braided with fresh flowers and the hemline of her stunning white lace wedding gown disappeared into the sand. Ruby was a beautiful bride and they looked such a happy couple. Jade put the frame down with a tear threatening to spill onto her cheek. She noticed pictures of Amber on the sideboard and the sight of them all lifted her mood. So many of the photographs that Jade had sent to them were on display, and each had its own frame. Maureen and Arthur were doting grandparents. Jade’s mobile phone suddenly rang in the pocket of her skirt. ‘Hello, Jade Grant,’ she answered, after pulling it free. ‘Hi, Jade, this is Susy from the ANR agency. We spoke earlier and I wanted to see if you would consider a three-week placement, starting tomorrow.’ ‘That’s quick, but, yes, I’m sure it will be fine,’ Jade responded, immediately recognising the acronym for the Australian Nursing Recruitment Agency. She had thought it would be a few days till she heard anything from them. ‘With your experience and your qualifications in neonatal ICU and midwifery, you were snapped up. I only wish you could stay longer. There would never be a shortage of work for you,’ Susy told her. ‘I know you only want to work part time during your stay in Adelaide so this placement is three shifts per week. It’s to cover holidays and I have another temp neonatal nurse who can job-share with you. What do you think?’ ‘I think it sounds great. Where will I be working?’ ‘You’ll be at the Eastern Memorial right in the heart of Adelaide, working across paediatrics and neonatal as I know you have experience in both. I think you’ll like working there. The nursing staff are second to none, the facilities state of the art.’ ‘It sounds wonderful.’ After Jade ended the call she turned away from the photos of the family and breathed a sigh of relief. It was hard to admit it, but she had to concede that Mitchell was beyond attractive and he had stirred some feelings she’d forgotten she had ever felt, but now this would not be an issue: she would be busy working three days a week so would not see much of him during her stay. Despite his obvious masculine appeal, and the way he was making her feel, she tried to convince herself that Mitchell Forrester would not be a threat to her. He was wayward and reckless if his postcards were anything to go by, she told herself just in case her hormones were making their own plans. Reliable, steadfast and sensible would be the prerequisites for any man to be in Amber’s life, just the way Ruby had liked her men. And it wouldn’t happen for a very long time, if ever. She needed to focus on being the best caregiver to Amber. That was the role she had been given and she intended on doing the very best job. She had sat Amber down a few months before the trip and tried to explain why her life was different. ‘I know that most of your friends at playgroup have mommies and daddies but you have an aunty instead,’ Jade began to explain. ‘Your mommy and daddy look down from heaven and watch over you every day to make sure you are happy and safe. And I think that I am the luckiest aunty in the world to have you.’ Jade had become Amber’s legal guardian with Maureen and Arthur’s blessing as they had wanted what was best for their granddaughter. Mitchell had never contested the role, and Jade wasn’t surprised. Jade had seen from the moment she’d arrived in Adelaide that nothing had changed. Maureen and Arthur were so supportive and Mitchell was just there for the fun times. ‘Ith it my birthday?’ Amber squealed her question when she saw her grandfather blowing up balloons and her grandmother putting out pink and yellow napkins and a small stack of brightly wrapped gifts on the table. ‘Not for a few days, but this is an early birthday party so that Uncle Mitchell can say happy birthday and watch you blow out the candles,’ Maureen told her. ‘He has to go to work for the rest of the week so he will miss your real birthday. So you’ll have two parties.’ Amber’s eyes grew wider. ‘Two parties?’ ‘Yes, Amber,’ Jade answered. ‘Grandma is spoiling you and you’ll be having two parties this year.’ Amber was clapping her hands and laughing as she sat beside her grandfather while he blew up the last of the balloons. ‘Don’t tell me I’m doing this again in a few days?’ ‘Darling,’ Maureen began, ‘there’s only a handful of balloons so please just tie the ribbons onto each one and we can put them up before Mitchell arrives.’ ‘Too late, I’m here.’ Mitchell had initially hesitated to accept the dinner invitation when his mother had called but when he’d discovered it was to celebrate Amber’s birthday he agreed immediately. The vision of Jade by the pool had haunted him all day and was the reason he’d hesitated. Something made him want to stay away from Jade but something stronger made him want to spend time with her. He wanted to find out more about her, and if he was right about her motives. Did she really think that wearing clothes so dour that they were suited to a retired prison warden would make her a better guardian? A blind man could see her devotion and success raising Amber. She didn’t need to dress in costume to achieve anything. He would never understand why she covered the body he knew for a fact was amazing. And why she seemed so averse to his light-hearted remarks about life. It was as if she had nominated herself for the position of moral compass of the family, if not the world. But as he looked at her he had to admit something about her was growing on him. She was cute, a good and devoted woman, and now that he had seen so much more she had also become desirable woman in his eyes. Common sense told him to limit his time around her but something else told him the opposite. Jade turned around to see Mitchell standing in the doorway with a large white bear in a yellow spotted dress and a very small white box with a silver bow. He was wearing black jeans, black boots and a tight plain white T-shirt that didn’t hide his ample chest. She felt her temperature start to rise and her heart flutter. Then she noticed he was avoiding eye contact with her. She prayed he had not seen her watching him from her balcony as he’d walked to the beach that morning. The swagger in his step and his lean, tanned body barely dressed had had a mind-numbing effect on her the moment she’d seen him and the image was still close to doing the same now. She felt her skin heat up and threaten to flush and she was bewildered by what was happening to her. Over the past three years on her own she must have seen hundreds of good-looking men walking the streets, having coffee in the hospital cafeteria, in the twenty-four-hour supermarket when she called in after a late shift, but none of them had stirred any interest. Nothing. She’d walked past them as if they’d been store mannequins. But now, looking at Mitchell, she was very aware of the unsettling attraction she was feeling. With difficulty, she attempted to drag her thoughts back to where they belonged and where they needed to remain for the next few weeks. ‘This is for the birthday girl,’ Mitchell said, his hands outstretched to Amber. Jade could see Amber’s face light up as Arthur led her by the hand over to Mitchell and the presents. ‘The teddy is for now,’ he began, as he put the bear into her arms. ‘And this present is for when you are older.’ He carefully handed her the small present. Jade noted the colour of the dress. Mitchell had remembered Amber’s favourite colour. Amber took the presents and gave Mitchell a hug before she returned to the chair and unwrapped the white bow on the box, her teddy firmly planted on her little lap. ‘It-th’s pretty!’ she exclaimed, as she pulled a silver heart-shaped locket from the box. ‘Look, Aunty Jade, it-th’s pretty.’ ‘You can put photos inside so one day when you are off travelling the world you will always have your family travelling with you,’ Mitchell added. Amber had no idea what he was talking about but Jade was taken aback and the expression on her face did not hide it. The teddy was cute and the locket was lovely but the message behind it didn’t sit well with her. Was this Mitchell’s advice to her? Head off, put family in a locket and live your life somewhere else? She hadn’t pictured Amber ever leaving to see the world. She felt sick at the thought of not being there to protect her. And upset that Mitchell was using Amber’s birthday to impart his set of values on niece when she was only three years old. ‘That is very pretty’ she said, as she sat down and opened the delicate locket. ‘It will be lovely to wear to very special parties.’ Not a trip around the world away from family, she continued in her mind. ‘I’m surprised you didn’t buy one in green to go with her camouflage outfit for her trip down the Amazon for her sixth birthday,’ she said to Mitchell in a lowered voice as she made her way past him to the kitchen. ‘Really, a trip around the world? She’s three years old and maybe there’s the chance she’ll be like her father and she won’t want to run away from her family.’ Mitchell was stunned into silence. He thought her rebuke was an overreaction. It was a present of his choice with his sentiment. Not everyone saw the world the way Jade obviously did. He noted her dress sense had returned to that of elderly maiden aunt. ‘Like me? Is that what you mean? Actually, the message was about the importance of family,’ he said in the same low voice with a scowl as he followed her into the kitchen. ‘Pity you couldn’t see past your own agenda to see I didn’t have one.’ ‘My agenda?’ ‘Yes. It’s pretty obvious you’re planning on wrapping Amber in cotton wool for her entire life. Let her build sandcastles but avoid the water. Like a bystander who can watch but not experience life. That’s what this is about. It’s not healthy to bring up a child with no sense of adventure.’ ‘How lovely to see you two getting to chat finally,’ Maureen said as she entered the kitchen to collect some plates. ‘Arthur is putting some prawns on the barbeque to go with the potato bake and salad.’ ‘That sounds delicious,’ Jade said through gritted teeth. She was so angry with Mitchell. She was just protecting her niece the best way she knew how. She suddenly prayed that Mitchell wasn’t right. She didn’t want to cocoon Amber and not let her take her place in the world or have fun as she grew up. She bit her lip as her eyes darted nervously around the room. His words made her question herself. Was she at risk of smothering Amber? ‘I’ll see what I can do to help outside,’ Mitchell said, his eyes narrowing in Jade’s direction before he disappeared onto the balcony to help Arthur put up the balloons. ‘Such a pretty locket and so sweet of Mitchell to think of something like that. I thought you’d approve of something so delicate and timeless,’ Maureen said as she collected the salad from the refrigerator, added some home-made dressing and headed back outside. ‘Very pretty,’ Jade returned. She couldn’t agree with the rest of Maureen’s words. She wasn’t sure what she thought about Mitchell or herself any more. Mitchell and Jade chose to sit at opposite ends of the table for dinner. They said nothing to each other and neither made eye contact with the other. Amber didn’t appear to have much of an appetite and just played with her food, then lay down on the sofa with her new teddy. ‘Are you okay, sweetheart?’ Jade asked with a little frown of concern. ‘I’m full.’ Maureen looked over at Amber and lowered her voice. ‘She didn’t want much for lunch today either. I think jet-lag has hit her. It was a long trip for a little girl. And you too, Jade.’ ‘I’ll keep an eye on it,’ Jade said. ‘You’re probably right but if she doesn’t pick up I’ll take her for a check-up.’ ‘Do you want me to make an appointment with the nephrologist just for peace of mind?’ Arthur asked. ‘It’s probably not related but it will put your mind at rest.’ ‘Let’s see how she goes,’ Jade replied, as she watched Amber play with her yet-to-be named bear. ‘The flight probably exhausted her. In a day or so she should pick up.’ ‘Teddy wants to lie down, he’th tired.’ Amber said softly. The adults all smiled and returned to their dinner, each of them not wanting to appear concerned but still keeping an eye on Amber. ‘And what did you get up to today while Amber was showing us the dolphins, Jade?’ Maureen finally asked to lift the conversation. ‘Nothing much … I just relaxed by the pool.’ Mitchell choked loudly on hearing the words. His drink threatened to spill from his lips and his eyes watered as he valiantly fought to not splutter. Nothing much didn’t just describe her day … it did, however, describe her outfit, or lack thereof, perfectly. She had been lying naked by the pool. And had looked amazing doing so. ‘Are you all right, dear?’ ‘Uh-huh,’ he responded, his lips forming a rueful slant as he tried not to make eye contact with Jade. He wasn’t all right. He wanted to be honest and tell her that he had seen her that morning lying sans clothing by the water’s edge but he would never embarrass her that way. Also peeping Tom came to mind to describe him and he didn’t want that label. It had been an accidental sighting but a very pleasant one. But the sighting even now, many hours later, was causing his heart to beat a little faster despite his opinion of her. It was an image at total odds with the role she was playing. Perhaps being the only one at the table who knew the real Jade drew him to her. He had seen the version she was hiding from the world and his parents. And he liked what he’d seen. He suspected why she was behaving that way but he didn’t agree with it. Just as she had over-reacted about the locket, Jade was trying to protect her niece from the world and even the real Jade. He just had to find a way to convince her that she didn’t need to be anything other than herself. ‘I just got a bit of sun …’ ‘Oh, I’d say you got a whole lot of sun,’ he muttered under his breath. ‘Is everything okay?’ she asked with a curious frown. ‘Yes, fine, I’m just saying that you must have enjoyed sunbathing while everyone was out. I guess you just really like the sun.’ ‘What a peculiar thing to say, Mitchell,’ Maureen said as she took another mouthful of salad. Jade shot him a confused glance as she collected the plates. ‘Never mind,’ Mitchell returned as he stood to take the stack of plates from Jade’s hands. His warm skin brushed against hers and the electricity surged despite her anger towards him. ‘Forget I said anything. It’s just my warped Aussie humour. I’m sorry if the present upset you. There was nothing meant by it. Amber can put anything she wants in the locket. By the time she’s sixteen she will probably have a crush on a pop star who can’t sing a note but he’ll have great hair and perfect teeth and she will put his picture in the locket.’ Jade stepped into the kitchen. ‘More than likely.’ Her tone was cool but pleasant. ‘What about a truce?’ he whispered as he followed her. ‘For Amber’s sake?’ Jade met his glance but wasn’t convinced. ‘I was out of line,’ he apologised. ‘I understand you want to keep Amber safe. With what happened to Ruby and David, you have every right. But please trust me, I would never let anything happen to Amber.’ Jade squinted a little as she took his words on board. They did seem heartfelt and she didn’t want any animosity ruining what little time they had with Maureen and Arthur. ‘Truce.’ ‘Happy birthday, dear Amber, happy birthday to you.’ Amber was happy to sit back at the table for the arrival of her two-tier princess birthday cake. Her eyes lit up when she saw the iced strawberry sponge cake with tiny wax figurines of her favourite storybook princesses sitting on the top, with three candles burning brightly. To the sounds of Hip, hip, hooray, she blew out the candles, ate half of the slice of cake on her plate and then went back to the sofa with her new teddy and rag doll. The trip had taken its toll, and Jade wasn’t surprised that Amber wanted to go to bed early. On seeing how tired she was, Mitchell scooped her up and carried her to the bathroom, where Jade brushed her teeth then slipped her into her pyjamas before he helped to tuck her into bed. His assistance with the bedtime preparations was his effort to show he was serious about the truce and helping out, but he was surprised how much he enjoyed being a part of it all. Something deep inside felt good about being able to kiss Amber on the forehead and hear her say goodnight to him. It was a long way from his handshake two days previously. He had never experienced that unconditional affection. He spent all of his working hours saving the lives of children but he never saw them tucked into their own beds. He experienced gratitude in buckets from the parents, although he never expected it. Ensuring these little patients had the best possible opportunity for healthy, happy lives was just what he did. But as he stood watching Amber drift off to sleep he felt a tug at his heart. Perhaps he was missing out on something after all. He wondered for a moment if his self-imposed exile from family and commitment was worth it. Then he shook his head and realised that he was fooling himself. Despite his feelings towards his niece, he would never be ready for children and a family full time, it wasn’t in his genes. ‘Are you okay to sleep in here by yourself for a little while?’ Jade asked softly. ‘I’ll leave the door open and you can hear us on the balcony.’ Amber nodded and she went to sleep with her bear and rag doll. She was so tired she didn’t need a story. Jade couldn’t help but notice the shift in Mitchell and how his face had lit up when Amber had said goodnight to him. ‘I’ve been asked to start tomorrow for the temp agency,’ Jade announced on their way back to the dinner table. ‘I have a three-week placement.’ ‘That’s great. Which hospital?’ Mitchell asked as he tried to process the feelings that still lingered after being a part of Amber’s bedtime ritual. ‘The Eastern Memorial,’ she said, then added, ‘Arthur told me it was his old workplace.’ ‘Yes, it was,’ Mitchell replied with a rueful look. But he didn’t tell her that it was also his workplace and that he was a consultant neonatologist there. And that fate had just decreed that he would be her very temporary boss. CHAPTER FOUR (#ulink_988eccdc-f992-555b-939d-279eee4c5c58) MITCHELL WALKED DOWN to the water’s edge in the warm night air. He wanted to clear his head before he tried to sleep. This was not how he had seen Jade and Amber’s visit playing out. He had pictured a fun-loving, easygoing woman, a kindred spirit of sorts. A Californian beach babe who might like to hang out, enjoy a few drinks at a bar, hit the surf and maybe even enjoy a casual hook-up. Instead, he had found a woman whose commitment ran so much deeper than that. She had changed everything about her life for her niece. In Mitchell’s eyes it wasn’t necessary and he doubted he would be able to do the same, but he couldn’t help but admire how far she would go to provide the upbringing she believed her niece needed. The rebel girl was now more at home having a cup of tea and an early night on her own. And she would give her life to protect Amber but he found it such a waste for her to hide behind the image of someone else. He had seen the real woman beside the pool and it had sent his body into overdrive. She was pretending to be so much less than she was. Looking out over the moonlit water, Mitchell wondered how someone could be so completely selfless. Someone so young and beautiful who would have so many options yet she had obviously turned her back on them all for Amber. He wanted to know more about her yet he had to prevent this conundrum of a woman from getting under his skin. He didn’t want to be involved with a woman that genuine. It would be a disaster for everyone. The idea of being tied to one woman and having a family would never work for him. Or would it? he wondered as he picked up a pebble and cast it into the moonlit ocean. It had felt so good to be in the room with Jade, putting Amber to bed. It had seemed so natural and as if they had done it before … and could do it a thousand times and never tire of it. But there was doubt weighing heavily in his mind. An uncertainty that he could stay the course. A hesitation in his heart that he could not be relied on in a forever situation. His greatest misgiving would be his ability to last the distance and not break the hearts of those who loved him. Until now that had never been tested. Until now he had never wanted to really get to know a woman beyond a one-night stand or contemplate being a part of a woman’s life. The feelings that he was experiencing were all new to him. Mitchell was at an unexpected crossroad with no clue how he intended on navigating his future. He stood in silence alone on the beach more confused than he had ever been. Jade crossed to the scrub room and slipped on a disposable gown over the white nursing uniform she had pulled from her suitcase and pressed that morning. Morning had come quickly after another good night’s sleep. Amber’s day had been so filled with fun and adventure with her grandparents and then her early birthday dinner that she had been exhausted and had slept through the night, allowing Jade to do the same. Jade’s shift began at two in the afternoon and she would finish at ten that night. Arthur had offered to drive her but Jade had insisted on catching the tram as the temp agency had advised, since their home was not far from the tram stop on Jetty Road. She really didn’t want to impose and it gave her a chance to see more of the city on her walk. She reached out with her foot to the pedal to turn on the tap and noticed a woman in her late twenties, with a worried expression and dressed in a gown and slippers, drying her hands. Jade gave her an encouraging smile. ‘I hope to be going home soon. It’s my third day,’ the woman said softly, returning a meek smile. ‘I so wish I was taking Jasper with me but that will be a while, they say. How long do prem babies usually stay in hospital?’ ‘It’s hard to say because all babies are different,’ Jade began to explain. ‘It depends on how your baby’s progressing. Babies who are smaller and those born earlier sometimes have some medical problems other than just being tiny and so tend to stay longer on the unit. But a premature baby who is otherwise well usually stays in the neonatal unit until around the date he or she was due to be born. If your baby does very well, is eating and gaining weight, then he or she might even be able go home even sooner. How early was Jasper?’ ‘Ten weeks early. He’s on a ventilator because he has a lung problem that I don’t really understand,’ she returned quietly. ‘Hy-mem … something disease. The doctor tried to explain it to me but I didn’t really understand. And I didn’t want to ask too many questions. I thought he might think I’m being pushy, wanting to know everything medical when I’m not a doctor or even think I’m stupid for not understanding.’ Jade knew from her training and years of neonatal nursing that mothers of premature babies and their families all faced uncertainty and this caused raised levels of anxiety. Visiting their baby in Neonatal Intensive Care was a stressful situation that most knew little or nothing about. ‘It’s important that you never think of yourself as being difficult. Any questions you might have are valid,’ Jade explained, as she turned off the tap with her elbow. She was aware that the exchange of information allowed the nurses to gauge the stress within the family and most particularly the mother’s ability to cope. ‘Parents need to feel a part of the decisions being made for their baby, and you can’t do that if you don’t understand what is happening.’ ‘Really? He won’t mind if I keep asking questions, and he won’t think they’re silly things I’m asking? It’s just that you’re here every day and it’s all so new to me.’ ‘I promise you that the doctors and the nursing staff would never think of any questions as silly. More than likely the doctor assumed that you knew what he was saying if you didn’t ask any questions, and I guarantee he would have been more than happy to explain it to you. You’re a mother of a newborn in intensive care and you have every right and need to know what is happening throughout his treatment. Please, never hesitate to ask any of us whatever you want to know.’ The young woman sighed and seemed to lift in confidence a little. ‘I just don’t know what the disease is and why Jasper has it?’ ‘Hyaline membrane disease is also called infant respiratory distress syndrome and is suffered by almost half of premature babies under thirty weeks,’ Jade offered instinctively as the woman’s body language showed she was relaxing. ‘It means that every time Jasper breathes in he has to expand his lungs completely. Healthy lungs don’t collapse to an airless state, but because of his prematurity Jasper’s lungs are deflating totally. It makes breathing very hard work for him.’ The woman dropped the dampened paper towel into the bin and tentatively approached Jade, looking for reassurance. ‘So it’s common, then?’ ‘Many premature babies have issues with breathing as a result of their early arrival, and even if they aren’t as premature as Jasper they can still have this problem. But your baby is in very good hands here. If you have any questions about Jasper and the doctor isn’t available, just ask any of the nurses.’ ‘I haven’t seen you here before. You’re American. Have you moved to Adelaide to live?’ ‘No, I’m on a working holiday. Today is my first shift and I will be here for the next three weeks. So let me know if you have any other questions. I’ll be here tonight till late.’ ‘Thanks so much. I have to express some milk and grab something to eat. The nurse told me that I have to keep up my calories to make sure I can produce enough for Jasper.’ Jade nodded. ‘Yes, you do. You have to get sleep and rest and eat well for both you and Jasper. One of the most important things you and your partner can do for your baby is look after yourselves. Get sleep, eat healthy meals, and take a break from it all. It’s exhausting having a baby in the neonatal unit, particularly after a difficult or emergency birth. It’s natural to want to put your baby first but you must be good to yourself, too.’ She watched as the woman put a half-smile on her tired face then left the washroom to head back to the ward, hopefully secure in the knowledge that she could ask anything she needed to know without any judgement from the medical staff. Ultimately, she would be her baby’s only constant in the multiple care-giving system of neonatal intensive care and she needed to feel confident in that role. Jade had already been given her patient roster at handover. It wasn’t a busy time in the nursery and she only had two infants to monitor. Checking the first infant’s chart, she noted that Costa was due for a gavage feed. She crossed slowly to another nurse already on duty. As she drew closer, she noticed she was quite young. She had a friendly face with a smattering of freckles across the bridge of her nose. Her hair was a mass of copper curls kept out of her eyes with a pearly clasp on the top of her head. She wasn’t particularly tall, perhaps two or three inches shorter than Jade, and this added to her overall young appearance. She imagined that Amber might look similar when she was older. ‘Hi, I’m Jade.’ ‘I’m Mandy. You’re from the agency too, then?’ ‘Yes, first shift and staying for about three weeks, part time, though.’ ‘Welcome on board.’ Then, distracted by something or someone in the glass-walled scrub room, she paused and then lowered her voice. ‘Scrumptious, isn’t he?’ Jade noticed a huge smile spread across the young nurse’s face but had no idea why. ‘If I wasn’t engaged …’ Mandy began in a wistful tone, before tilting her head to one side in the direction of the door ‘… I’d offer him breakfast in bed.’ ‘Who?’ Jade cut in. ‘Mitchell Forrester, the dishy doctor just scrubbing in.’ Jade froze. Mitchell worked at the hospital? He hadn’t mentioned it the night before. She felt her stomach jump and her heart race. Why hadn’t he told her? She was suddenly quite confused as she’d thought they were getting on well and if he wanted it to remain that way he certainly should have volunteered that information the previous night. Perhaps he didn’t like the idea of them working together. She couldn’t be sure but there were so many things about which she wasn’t sure. Including her feelings for the man scrubbing in. She could see exactly why the nurse spoke that way. Mitchell was very handsome and more than likely up for some fun with the right woman, but it wasn’t her. She was not in the market for a one-night stand and up until now her resolve to stay single had not been tested. ‘I suppose,’ Jade replied coldly, not wanting to let on that she had any connection to Mitchell or the fact there was a tiny part of her that agreed. ‘It doesn’t hurt to have some eye candy in the workplace. I mean, it’s a nice distraction from the round-the-clock care we provide for premmies. I think it’s the universe rewarding us!’ Jade could not join her enthusiasm. She wanted to be anywhere else but near Mitchell. He was resurrecting needs she had put to rest the moment Amber had arrived in her life. She didn’t want or need a distraction from her role. She didn’t dare let her eyes rest on him for long. His raw masculinity was reminding her that she was a woman with desires that hadn’t been met in a very long time. ‘I guess, from what I’ve heard, the parents can rest assured their babies are in the very best hands. And in Mitchell Forrester’s hands is where I’m sure every second nurse in the hospital would like to be,’ she added with a laugh. ‘Well, there’s no accounting for taste,’ Jade answered woodenly, making it clear she had no intention of joining the recruitment line for his harem. Then she noticed that a theatre nurse spoke to him briefly and he turned and left the scrub room with her. She was relieved that he wasn’t coming in. It gave her a little longer without him there. Her attention quickly returned to baby Costa. She began the gavage feed that was due by aspirating the contents of his tiny stomach to assess the quantity of still undigested food, along with the colour and appearance. Satisfied that everything was within normal limits, Jade slowly returned the contents to ensure that valuable electrolytes were not lost. Then, attaching the syringe with the milk, she held it above the baby to allow gravity to control the feed, and began the thirty-minute process. ‘I’m Soula, Costa’s mum,’ came a young female voice as Jade was about twenty minutes into the feed. Jade raised her eyes only momentarily from her tiny patient to acknowledge the young woman dressed in her gown and slippers. ‘Hello, Soula. I’m Jade, and I’ll be looking after Costa this afternoon. He’s certainly a handsome young man.’ ‘He looks like his father,’ Soula returned with a nervous smile. ‘The same thick black hair. His yia-yia, Maria, adores him as he reminds her of Yanni … he’s my husband and her eldest son. She had five boys but I think maybe one or two will be more than enough for us.’ Jade monitored the feed as she listened to the young mother talk about the close-knit Greek family. After the feed was complete, Jade instilled a tiny amount of sterile water to clear the tubing of residual milk before she capped the tube and settled Costa. Suddenly Soula’s voice became unsteady. Jade turned to see the young woman’s eyes welling with tears. ‘If anything happens to Costa I don’t know what I’ll do. I love him so much already.’ Soula broke down and began sobbing. ‘I loved him before he was born.’ Jade closed the incubator door and asked Soula to sit down. It was less than twenty-four hours since she had given birth and she was emotionally and physically drained. Jade gently touched Soula’s arm as she spoke. ‘Since Costa arrived he has had the best medical care. He might be tiny but he’s a strong little boy and putting up a big fight. The injection you were given before delivery has stripped the mucous lining of Costa’s lungs enough to allow a head box and avoid a ventilator. He’s doing very well.’ ‘Yes, but Dr Forrester said he’s still critical.’ ‘Soula, every baby here in Neonatal ICU is critical, for different medical reasons. Some are tiny, some have complications but we are all doing our very best to ensure they move to the nursery as soon as they are ready. If Dr Forrester gave you a less than rosy picture, it’s because he is being sensibly cautious. It’s important that you understand what challenges Costa is facing now and those he will face in coming weeks, and Dr Forrester is telling you everything. That is far better than not knowing what lies ahead.’ Jade paused. ‘But as he’s only just arrived, and after reading Costa’s notes, it appears that he is doing very well. We will feed him your milk as soon as it comes in and that will help enormously with his immunity.’ ‘His father just wants to know that Costa is okay,’ she said, mopping her tears. ‘I promised Yanni that I’d call as soon as I’d visited this morning. He’s up in Roxby in the mines. He works two weeks on and two weeks off and he’d arranged to be here for the birth but Costa arrived eight weeks early. They’re trying to arrange a flight down here today for Yanni and he’s desperate for any news of his son.’ Her words arrived at an increasing speed because of her nerves. ‘I can imagine he would be,’ Jade told her, empathy in her soft voice. ‘It must be such a worry for him, being so far away. As you can probably tell by my accent I’m not from here, so I have no idea where Roxby is located. Is it a big mining town?’ Jade decided to engage Soula in a conversation about the man she clearly adored. It was something tangible and positive and would help the young woman to perhaps focus on something to pull her anxiety down to a manageable level. Jade was fully aware that Soula might within a day or so have to deal with symptoms associated with the postpartum blues, such as mood swings, sleep disturbances and tearfulness, and this would add to her already anxious state. She was glad that Yanni would be arriving soon to support his wife. They would be able to face Costa’s hurdles together. ‘Roxby is a mining town up north. I’ve never been there but …’ Soula began to slow her words and take breaths. ‘When we were trying to get pregnant, Yanni said I should make a trip up there with him because the town has one of the highest birth rates in the whole of Australia.’ Soula was trying to appear a little braver than she really felt but her shaky sigh betrayed the anxiety still very close to the surface. ‘Really,’ Jade replied evenly. ‘They might have to bring more televisions into the town if it becomes a problem.’ Soula smiled, a meek smile but still a smile. Happy that the new mother was comfortable, keeping her baby company, Jade headed over to see how her other little patient was progressing. It was time to check his vital signs. ‘Looks like you’ve settled in very well.’ The voice like molten chocolate came from close behind her and resonated through every part of her body. ‘Even have our new mothers swap tears for smiles. I’m impressed, Nurse Grant.’ Jade tugged at her lower lip with her teeth. She didn’t want or need to hear that voice. It was inevitable, she admitted silently, as he was her boss and she had seen him scrubbing in earlier, but it was not welcome. Mitchell Forrester was causing her body and mind to react in ways she had forgotten she had ever felt. She swallowed before she turned to him but it wasn’t enough to steady her racing heart when she came face to face with him again. It was ridiculous. Only the day before she had been so angry with him, then had agreed to a truce, and now she found it hard to be near him for very different reasons. She didn’t trust herself. ‘I like to see parents smile,’ she managed as she struggled to level her rapid breathing. ‘But I can’t stop to chat, I’m super-busy, just about to check Jasper’s vitals. I just finished Costa’s feed. His mother is quite anxious but he appears to be doing well. He’s feeding, vitals are stable and her husband is expected to arrive soon, which I hope will alleviate her distress to some degree. She needs his support. Oh, and you forgot to tell me last night that we’d be working together. Any reason for that?’ ‘Thought it might be a pleasant surprise,’ he replied with a smile. He wasn’t entirely sure why he hadn’t told her. Perhaps because he was still trying to figure out in his head how he felt about the working arrangement. And how he felt about her. Jade couldn’t believe how he looked so good even in his scrubs. And how nervous he made her feel and how the words were spilling from her lips at lightning speed. It was as if she were a first-year nursing student suddenly and not the confident neonatal nurse with years of experience under her belt and on her r?sum?. How she wished he had retained the unkempt look of old. Resistance would have been so easy if he looked like a castaway but now he was causing an awareness of needs and desires she had pushed from her mind for so long. She was not about to join the bevy of nurses at the Eastern Memorial who found his charm irresistible. ‘So do we operate any differently from over in the US?’ Mitchell asked as he observed her taking baby Johnson’s temperature. Jade reminded herself that if she wanted to keep him at arm’s length she had to remain aloof and professional at all times. ‘Not that I’ve noticed. Maybe a few different terms like obs when I would say vitals but it’s not going to be a struggle for me to adapt.’ Mitchell smiled. He thought she would fit in very well. Too well, in fact, he thought as he walked away. He didn’t want to become accustomed to having her around. Jade kept her focus on the baby as she finished recording his vitals and then, satisfied he was progressing well, she closed the incubator door. She was relieved Mitchell was assisting with another small patient that had just arrived in NICU. The afternoon turned to evening, with Jade liking her temporary new workplace. The other nurses were lovely, a little infatuated with Mitchell but other than that Jade enjoyed working with them. Those who didn’t want to sleep with him couldn’t praise him enough, and Jade had to agree that he was brilliant with the patients and ensured that the parents felt a part of decision-making around their newborn. She had overheard his conversations with anxious mothers and fathers during her shift and his bedside manner reduced their unfounded fears and allowed them to understand the real hurdles ahead. He answered their questions honestly but with enough compassion not to add to their heightened anxiety. Jade witnessed his skills as a neonatologist and she knew that she would feel safe if she were a parent and he was the attending doctor diagnosing and arranging a treatment plan for a tiny infant. The shift came to an end at ten in the evening, and Jade knew that Amber would be tucked into bed and sound asleep. She had called during her late lunch break and spoken to her niece and discovered to her delight that she was enjoying her time splashing in a wading pool. Maureen assured Jade that Amber was wearing sunscreen and inflatable arm bands and that she and Arthur wouldn’t take their eyes from her for a second. During the second call, Jade had found out that Amber had dried off from the pool and was busy making cupcakes. It had been a weight off Jade’s mind to hear her so happy. She had been safely inside the house and Jade knew that Maureen was very responsible so she had nothing to worry about. Maureen was nothing like her elder son, not likely to run off with Amber on an adventure of any sort. It was late and dark so Jade was going to get a cab home from the city. She had caught the tram in but, despite the glorious warm evening air, the walk to the tram stop along the dark city road didn’t hold much appeal. ‘Need a lift?’ Jade knew it was Mitchell without turning her head. Her heart annoyingly skipped a beat and confirmed it. She felt like a teenager the way her body was reacting. Or overreacting, as she told herself. ‘I’m catching a cab, it’s a bit late for the tram.’ He walked closer and made Jade very aware of his presence. The cologne on his clothes was faint but still enough to stir her senses. ‘I’ll give you a lift. I live in the same road, remember, so it’s not going out of the way.’ Jade drew a deep breath and in silence she turned around to face the most intense blue eyes. She knew it would be rude to decline his offer but the alarm bells in her head were louder than the ambulance siren as it pulled into the nearby A and E bay. ‘You’re sure?’ she asked, hoping against all hope that in the moments since he’d asked he had suddenly remembered somewhere he had to be on the other side of the city. Or that there was a single young nurse in need of his attention. Anything really that would allow her to squirm her way out of sharing the trip home. ‘Very sure,’ he insisted. ‘I’m in the doctors’ car park at the side of the building.’ With reservations and a deep breath, Jade followed her handsome chauffeur into the dimly lit car park. She could see a few cars but had no idea which one belonged to Mitchell. There were a four-wheel-drive, three late-model BMWs, a couple of hatchbacks and a motorbike. She felt pretty sure it was the four-wheel drive as it had roof racks that she assumed would be utilised for his surfboards. The hatchbacks would be a squeeze for his six-foot-two frame, but he might have gone the sophisticated route of the imported sedan. At this time of the night Jade’s concern about her mode of transport was close to zero. She just wanted to get home and put her feet up. And do it without being too close to Mitchell. ‘Here,’ he said as he held out a motorbike helmet and took her bag from her shoulder. ‘This one’s for you, and I’ll take the bag for safekeeping.’ ‘You can’t be serious.’ ‘Deadly,’ he said, raising one dark eyebrow over a twinkling eye. Her rising anxiety levels began pumping adrenalin around her tired body. ‘I’m honestly not comfortable with the whole bike thing. I think I’ll catch a cab.’ She felt a tension headache coming on. ‘And make me ride home alone?’ he asked her with a stare so intense it refused to be ignored. ‘Come on, keep me company. It’s only a twenty-minute trip.’ Jade felt her heart begin to stampede. But this reaction wasn’t purely the fear of the bike. It was the man. If only she hadn’t looked at him when he’d looked at her that way. It was almost impossible to remain distant but she had to. She couldn’t risk getting close to him. She definitely couldn’t let him get under her skin. ‘It’s not a tough decision,’ he said. ‘I can assure you that in all the time I’ve been riding bikes I haven’t killed, maimed or lost a single passenger.’ ‘That’s supposed to make me feel better?’ Jade asked tartly, taking a step backwards to reclaim some distance between them. ‘Come on, lassie, take the boy up on his offer and be off with the pair of you,’ said a paediatric consultant Jade recognised from NCIU. Her accent was thick and Jade felt certain it was Irish. She was putting her bag in the back seat of one of the BMW sedans that Jade wished with all of her being was Mitchell’s mode of transport. Not for the prestige attached to the vehicle, it was the doors and roof that she wanted. And the console between them. ‘You’re a wise woman, Maggie O’Donnell, to be sure, to be sure,’ Mitchell, said mimicking her accent. Maggie sharply turned her attention to Mitchell. ‘Any more from you, Dr Forrester, and I’ll convince the poor girl not to take the ride and I won’t be talking to you again, to be sure, to be sure!’ Mitchell smiled as he watched Maggie shake her head of neat grey curls. ‘It’s been a long day and I’m in need of a cuppa and some kip so you two can do what you please. I’m away.’ With that she reversed from the car park and drove off into the dark, leaving Jade alone with Mitchell again. And a problem. Why couldn’t he just drive a regular car like all the other doctors? Dread filled her thoughts. It wasn’t safe. For two reasons. It was a motorbike and they could have an accident. They could be sideswiped, hit a pothole or skid in the rain. It wasn’t raining, she admitted to herself, but it still was a bad idea. And secondly, if she were crazy enough to accept a lift, a bike would force her to wrap her arms around Mitchell just to stop her falling off. There was no way she wanted to be that close to him and feel the warmth of his body close to hers. ‘It’s a straight run down North Terrace then ANZAC Highway to Glenelg,’ he said. As if he read her mind he continued, ‘It’s not raining, the highway’s just been resurfaced so there’s no potholes along the way and not much traffic so there’s negligible risk of being knocked off the bike.’ ‘I just don’t feel good about it.’ ‘Have you ever been on a motorbike before?’ Jade nodded reluctantly. She had been on so many motorbike rides that she’d lost count. She’d loved to ride around the winding roads to Malibu on the Pacific Coast Highway. Whether she had been the rider or the passenger, she’d loved the feeling when she’d headed out along the beach road, the faster the better as the fresh ocean breeze had hit her face under the helmet. ‘Yes, a few times but—’ ‘And you’re here to tell the tale so that makes two of us. So I say let’s get going.’ Jade felt she’d be a hypocrite if she refused and walked back to the cab rank when she knew she had ridden a bike in far more dangerous situations than a quick trip home. Grudgingly, she accepted the helmet and that simple act elicited a huge smile from Mitchell. He knew that underneath Miss Prim was a woman who wanted to let go and lie naked in the sun. He would just have to take small steps to draw out the real Jade and make her feel comfortable to be herself. He wondered how long she had been hiding beneath the maiden aunt fa?ade. Had it been since Amber was born or something more recent? It would be a challenging few weeks but he would do his best to make Amber’s aunt fun to be around for Amber. It wasn’t for him, he told himself. He wanted Jade to lighten up and be fun for her niece, that was all. He slipped on his helmet, put her bag in the storage compartment of the seat and then climbed on the bike and started the engine. Jade stood frozen to the spot. Her helmet was securely on her head but her mind was fighting her decision. Mitchell lifted his visor and reached his hand out to her. His eyes told her a story that she didn’t want to hear. He was handsome, intelligent and fun. And she was losing the struggle to refuse his invitation. She relented and, accepting his hand, climbed on the back of the bike. His warm scent was all around her, and she prayed that once they hit the road the breeze would make it dissipate, along with the feelings he was stirring in her body. Her hands limply held on to the sides of his body until his strong hands suddenly pulled her hands across his waist in a tighter grip. Her body was pulled against his as they hit the road. Together. CHAPTER FIVE (#ulink_06acba83-d442-5d5a-b7d6-1c8afa967aaa) ‘HOME IN ONE PIECE, as promised,’ Mitchell announced as he stood holding his helmet beside the shiny black motorbike that had been their carriage home. Jade was already off the bike and in the driveway, putting distance between them quickly. His proximity during the ride home had been unsettling and now his silhouette against the light of the streetlamp was ridiculously appealing. She had to step away and stay away. If things were different she could see this night having a different ending too. Perhaps a kiss and the promise of another bike ride. But it couldn’t end any other way than a polite thank you, she thought as she looked wistfully up at the window where Amber was sleeping. But she wasn’t angry with Mitchell any more. That had subsided. He had his reasons and he was clearly smitten by Amber now. She hoped that their relationship would build over the years and deepen. His dedication to the babies in his care at the hospital and the empathy he had for their parents was clear, and it did raise her opinion of him. His absolute determination to see the tiny children survive against the odds was an admirable quality. And his gift to Amber of the locket to carry with her on her adventures all over the world was something that Jade had to admit to herself she would have appreciated a few years ago. Mitchell was not a bad man but he was still the wrong man for her and she couldn’t allow their truce to grow into something more. He was suddenly ticking every box. And some she hadn’t known had been there to start with. It was ironic that it scared Jade how safe she’d felt, taking a risk with Mitchell and riding the motorbike. In the past, she would take risks because she wanted to and because she didn’t care about the consequences, but with Mitchell it wasn’t like that. She felt protected by him. But she had to remember what was at stake. She had Amber to consider. And they would only be in Adelaide for a few weeks and Mitchell might not even stay that long. It would be over before it began. ‘Thank you for the lift.’ ‘You’re most welcome, and if you need a lift in tomorrow morning I’m happy to oblige.’ Mitchell could see that beneath Jade’s sensible exterior was a woman who could let her hair down. Tonight had proved it. She knew how to ride a bike. She’d leaned into the turns, she hadn’t been afraid. He hadn’t been teaching her anything that she hadn’t already known and he liked that about her. She was fun and adventurous but she was playing a safe hand of cards. He liked to shuffle the deck and take his chances and he suspected that once upon a time she had too. He just had to find that woman inside and draw her out so she didn’t raise Amber to be scared of her own shadow. ‘Thanks, but I’ll be fine to tram it in. I’m on an afternoon shift again tomorrow.’ Perhaps she was more like him than she cared to remember. Independent, happy to have a good time and willing to enjoy what the world had to offer. Only time would tell, he thought as he said goodnight and rode off down the street. Her head felt light as she entered the house. She’d found the ride exhilarating. Mitchell had been in control of the beast of a bike, and she’d loved that. A little too much, she realised when she quietly climbed into her bed next to Amber’s and struggled to fall asleep. The feelings he’d unleashed during the ride had been unexpected. Freedom, fun and … desire. Jade had pushed these feelings to a place from where she’d thought they could never escape. And they hadn’t, until now. Until Mitchell had threatened to release all of them at once. Jade heard Mitchell’s motorbike roar past her window next morning and felt her stomach churn and chills run down her spine with the sound. Not ominous chills. Just the opposite. She had been so close to the sound only a few hours before and it had made her feel alive. Now she worried that she could grow to like the feelings he was stirring. She spent the morning with Amber, playing on the beach, trying desperately to push Mitchell from her mind. He was just a man and she had dated her fair share and ignored even more over the years. Yet the scent of his cologne so close to her and the feeling of her arms around his hard body as they’d ridden together were haunting her waking thoughts. He was making her question her safe life choices. Maureen decided she would take her granddaughter to the shops on Jetty Road to find a few ‘sparkly things’ when Jade left for work. Jade wasn’t entirely sure what ‘sparkly things’ meant but Amber was excited by the prospect so Jade was happy as she headed off for her second shift at the hospital. Her shift began at two. There was handover and she was informed of a new airlifted baby from Melbourne who would be in her care. She hadn’t been named yet so they referred to her as Baby Morey. ‘There was no alternative, considering they were short of incubators in Melbourne. The hospitals over there had a whole run of prem deliveries within a few days. They’re grateful the Eastern Memorial could accept her,’ Mandy told Jade as they neared the incubator. ‘She’s tiny but a fighter.’ ‘Why didn’t the parents travel with the infant?’ ‘The mother delivered her via Caesarean after a car accident,’ Mandy told Jade as they neared the incubator. ‘I saw the report that arrived. Four-car pile-up on the Tullamarine Freeway near the airport.’ ‘Are the parents all right? Did they survive?’ Jade’s voice suddenly became shaky as her hands hovered nervously. She prayed they were both alive, she didn’t want to hear anything else. D?j? vu instantly made her skin crawl and her stomach knot. ‘They’re both stable and off the critical list. Her mother has a hairline fracture of her collarbone, a punctured lung and, of course, the postnatal effects of the Caesarean birth, and Cara’s father has damage to his vertebrae and a fractured hip. He’s in Spinal Injuries.’ Jade swallowed hard. The infant they were attending had entered the world the same way Amber had three years previously. The time peeled away in an instant as she looked at the baby lying innocently in the incubator, completely unaware of what had happened, all the while holding tenuously to her own life. But she did still have her parents. However injured they were, they would pull through and be a part of her life. Jade was happy for the little girl. Mandy left Jade as she needed to tend to another tiny patient. NICU was at capacity, with all of the nursing staff, including Mandy, rushed off their feet. Jade was grateful the other nurse hadn’t had time to notice the tears welling in her eyes. Amber’s fight to stay alive and the battle her parents had lost hit home at lightning speed and brought emotions rushing to the surface. ‘The paediatrician had noted suspected respiratory distress, causing cyanosis, but I wasn’t convinced and I ran some additional tests,’ Mitchell told a small group of medical students as he approached the new arrival and Jade. ‘The bluish discoloration of the skin and nail beds would indicate respiratory distress but the degree of cyanosis was not proportional to what was shown in the X-rays that accompanied the baby from Melbourne. And it has not been decreasing with increased inspired oxygen and the tests quickly confirmed congestive heart failure.’ He then turned his attention to Jade. ‘Nurse Grant, can you move Baby Morey to a radiant heat warmer within the next fifteen minutes so we can maintain her body temperature?’ ‘Certainly,’ Jade replied, trying to blink away the tears before they ran down her cheeks and anyone noticed them. But Mitchell did. He noticed everything about Jade, even though he didn’t want to. He decided to release the students, who had been with him for most of the morning and were due to end their time in NICU. They looked exhausted and no doubt had information overload, which he suggested might be abated by a coffee in the cafeteria. As the students left, he called another nurse to take over. ‘I need to speak with Nurse Grant for a moment but in her absence I want both cardiorespiratory and oxygen saturation monitoring and I’m prescribing digoxin. Dosages are in the notes and I want close observation until Nurse Grant returns.’ Jade had turned to walk away. She didn’t want to be confronted about her reaction. She didn’t want or need his concern. ‘Nurse Grant, please come with me for a moment.’ He kept his professional tone in front of the others then gently took her arm and directed her to a small office nearby used by consultants and residents when they needed to speak with parents in private. He closed the door and turned to her. ‘Jade, what’s wrong?’ he asked, releasing her from his firm hold but not the intensity of his gaze. ‘Nothing,’ she lied, and blinked even harder as she tried to look anywhere but at Mitchell. ‘I’m fine.’ ‘You’re anything but fine.’ ‘I’ll be okay. I don’t want special treatment.’ She looked up, and his expression wasn’t what she had been expecting. It wasn’t judgmental. It was empathetic and real and etched into every part of his face. And it suddenly and unexpectedly allowed her to give in to her feelings. Tears that had built up for so long began streaming down her face. She hadn’t cried since the funeral. Her feelings had been bottled up inside. She had been strong because she’d felt she’d had no other choice. There was no one for her to lean on while she was Amber’s only support. ‘You’re so far from okay.’ Without hesitation, he reached out, put his arm around her and pulled her into his arms, and she didn’t pull away. ‘Is it Amber?’ He murmured the question as he gently stroked her hair. ‘Are you worried about her?’ Jade knew as the moments passed that, as much as it felt good to have a man’s arms around her, she couldn’t stay there for ever. And particularly not in Mitchell’s arms. He wouldn’t be there for ever; neither would she. It was crazy to let him into her heart. She slowly moved from his embrace and a place that had made her feel safe, if only for a moment. ‘Amber’s fine, honestly, Mitchell …’ She hesitated for a minute to gather her thoughts and put any growing feelings for him away. ‘It was the new arrival in NICU. The baby was delivered by C-section after a motor vehicle accident … and it just brought everything back. I have to toughen up. I’m working on it.’ Mitchell didn’t want Jade to toughen up at all. She didn’t need additional walls. He wanted more than anything to break down the ones she had. She might not be his usual fun-loving, easygoing type but suddenly he wondered if just a casual good time was enough any more. Being around Jade for the past few days, even putting Amber to bed and all it entailed, had not been the chore he had imagined. He had enjoyed every minute of that special time with his niece and with Jade. His type was fast becoming a cute Californian girl with a pixie cut and the dress sense of someone’s maiden aunt but the soul and depth of no one he had ever met before. ‘The best nurses are those with empathy and compassion,’ he told her as she turned to face him. ‘You have both. Don’t hide what is inside you.’ Jade didn’t want to meet his gaze. She wanted to pull herself together and face the job outside. ‘I need to get back to work. We’re short enough on staff, let alone with me sitting in here, snivelling. I’m being self-indulgent and silly.’ ‘You’re not being either, so take a minute,’ he continued. ‘And when you’re ready, head back out. If you prefer, I will switch your patient roster.’ Jade took a deep breath and gently shook her head. ‘I want to stay with my patient. I really do.’ ‘It’s your call, if you’re up to it.’ ‘I am,’ she said, crossing to the door, feeling the need to put space between them. He was much too appealing on a whole other level now. It wouldn’t just be his smouldering looks that would make it difficult. Now that Jade knew he had a heart, and a level of compassion and empathy she hadn’t thought he possessed, it would make it that much more difficult to be around him. But that wasn’t his problem. It was hers. Jade walked back into NCIU and straight to her patient. Mitchell followed behind her. He admired her dedication and compassion, and although he wished she had taken some time out, he respected her wishes and acted accordingly. ‘I noticed her slow feeding time so I want you to switch to gavage feeding so she’s not working hard for the food and can conserve energy. Later we’ll try her sucking again but provide higher caloric formula. And I’ll see if they’ve decided on a name yet. I don’t want to refer to her by her surname. She needs her own name.’ Mitchell’s last few words made her smile. He genuinely cared so much for these babies and it wasn’t just his clinical abilities that impressed Jade. He treated the babies as little people with feelings, extending even to having a proper name. She was falling for the man, and there was no way to stop her tumble. Jade followed Mitchell’s instructions, inserted a gavage tube into the tiny stomach and began the slow feed. Aware of the management of babies with congestive heart failure, Jade placed her in a semi-erect position for feeding and burped her every half an ounce to minimise the chance of vomiting after the feed. Jade felt an extra-special bond with this baby, who had a small tuft of blonde hair on her crown. Jade planned on spending additional time with Baby Morey as she didn’t have a mother who could visit and she wanted to provide that additional care. Mitchell returned briefly to give additional instructions regarding the baby’s management and feeding but noticed Jade was already implementing those procedures. He was impressed with her abilities and initiative so did not interrupt. He just wanted to share something with her. ‘Baby Morey’s name is Alina. It apparently means light,’ he told her. Jade lifted her eyes to meet his smile. A rush of warmth flowed over her. Mitchell was so pleased the baby had a name. It seemed to mean something to him. Jade could tell his happiness at bestowing the name on the baby was genuine. He was genuine. He was a good man. And it scared her that she was starting to only see the good in him. Quickly, she averted her eyes and returned her focus to Alina. He might be a good man but she needed to remind herself that she wasn’t looking for a man, good or not. But it was a message that was becoming less audible every minute. ‘Another delivery,’ Alli announced as she wheeled in another tiny patient and transferred the baby to a radiant heat warmer near Jade. ‘This is Liam. Dad’s just scrubbing in, Mum’s still in Recovery. Caesarean delivery, gestational age twenty-nine weeks.’ A few minutes later a very worried-looking man in his late forties arrived. He was still wearing his blue disposable scrubs from Theatre. ‘Over here, Mr Phillips,’ Alli called. ‘Dr Forrester is on his way. Just take a seat beside your son.’ ‘Oh, my God, he’s so small,’ the man said anxiously as he looked at the baby lying on a radiant heat warmer. He looked around at the other babies and then back at his own. Jade could see the concern on his face. He was a big man but his fear was almost palpable. ‘Mr Phillips,’ Mitchell said as he approached the newborn, ‘I’m Mitchell Forrester and I’ll be assessing your son.’ Nervously, the man asked, ‘Why isn’t he inside one of those?’ He was pointing to an incubator. ‘Don’t you have enough of them? Wouldn’t that keep him warmer? Shouldn’t he at least have a blanket on him?’ ‘There are different levels of care available in Neonatal and it depends on your baby’s needs where he will be placed,’ Mitchell began to explain. ‘At the moment we need to access Liam, he will need complex care and the incubator limits access for the medical staff. Please don’t worry, your son is being kept warm and is in the best place for him at this time.’ ‘Okay, if you’re sure.’ ‘I am, Mr Phillips.’ The man looked around to see other parents sitting beside their babies so tentatively he sat and began unconsciously wringing his hands. ‘How long will he need to stay here in Intensive Care?’ ‘I can’t give you an accurate idea yet. Premature babies need additional help while their bodies catch up on the growth and development they missed in the womb. He’ll need assistance to stay warm because he can’t control his own body temperature yet. And Liam is just over two pounds, so he’s still too immature to feed. He’ll need a tube that carries milk into his stomach,’ Mitchell told him as he warmed the stethoscope and gently placed it on Liam’s tiny chest.’ ‘But my wife wants to breastfeed. She told me that.’ ‘She can express milk until Liam’s strong enough to feed but we need to get his weight up and feeding is tiring so we need to make it easier for him,’ Jade added, aware that Mitchell was listening to Liam’s heart. The man understood and remained silent until Mitchell removed the stethoscope and put it back around his neck. ‘How many staff do you have here to take care of the babies?’ he asked. ‘Will there be enough to look after Liam if more babies arrive?’ ‘Yes, there are more than enough staff to cover the patients and any unexpected arrivals such as Liam. You will see many different staff providing care to your son over the coming weeks. Neonatal Intensive Care has a number of special nurses like Alli who you just met, and we are very fortunate to have Jade, who is over from the States, bringing her knowledge and expertise from a large teaching hospital is Los Angeles.’ Mitchell spoke with pride about Jade and it wasn’t lost on her. ‘Then there’s Laura, the senior nurse in charge of the unit,’ he continued. ‘And the neonatologist, who, in Liam’s case, is me. I’ll be leading your baby’s care. On top of that there are other specialist doctors, such as surgeons if the need arises, and physiotherapists to help with your baby’s development, radiographers and dieticians, and then there are social workers to help you with family issues and support that might be needed after you take your baby home in a few months’ time. There is quite literally a small intensive care army to provide everything that your family will need over the coming weeks and months.’ Jade was still listening as Mitchell handled the barrage of questions with ease. He related so well and wasn’t short with his answers. He took his time to quell the man’s heightened anxiety and let him catch his breath. And the way he had spoken about her made her feel valued and important and it resonated in her heart. ‘It’s important that you visit as much as possible and no matter how many staff are attending to Liam, remember first and foremost he needs you and your wife. Having a parent here as much as possible makes such a difference to the child.’ Jade saw the man relax his shoulders into the chair. He had arrived feeling out of his depth and overwhelmed, but Mitchell had given him a sense of purpose and validated his questions. ‘I’m just going to continue my examination and you are most welcome to stay, or if you would like to check on your wife and let her know Liam is safe with us, you could come back down together. I’ll be here all afternoon and can answer any other questions you have. And there will be new questions every day so don’t hesitate to ask anything you’re concerned about. This neonatal unit has an open-door policy so parents can visit twenty-four hours a day.’ ‘I think I might go and see my wife then and let her know everything’s under control,’ he said, climbing to his feet. ‘But if anything changes and you want me back here, call my wife’s ward and I’ll be straight back down.’ ‘We’ll be sure to let you know, but Liam is stable at the moment. So you come back down when you’re both ready.’ Jade watched the man shuffle out of the unit in somewhat of a daze. There was so much to take in and he was clearly also concerned about his wife. They had a long road ahead of them until their son was in the nursery and preparing to go home. ‘Have you had dinner yet?’ Mitchell asked Jade as she was leaving NICU for her tea break. ‘Heading there now. I have an hour, so I intend to put my feet up and grab a wrap or a salad in the cafeteria.’ ‘I’ve got a better idea,’ Mitchell said as the elevator doors opened and they both stepped inside. ‘A little Italian restaurant across the road. They serve the best pasta and they do it quickly. They know we don’t have much time. It’s delicious and just like being in Italy.’ Jade was surprised by the invitation but it happened so quickly she didn’t have time to refuse. Or think it through. Perhaps that was a good thing, she surmised as they stood at the traffic lights a minute later, waiting to cross the main road as darkness was falling. ‘I should have asked if you like Italian food,’ he said after a minute or two. ‘I guess I just assumed everyone does.’ ‘You guessed right with me, I love Italian.’ The meal came out quickly and they were halfway to finishing their risottos when Mitchell decided to tell her about the pool and what he’d seen. He had been thinking it over since it had happened and had decided that he wanted and needed to be honest with Jade. He had no intention of embarrassing her but he felt she had the right to know. He just wasn’t entirely sure how to raise it. ‘You seem quiet suddenly,’ Jade commented as she pushed the risotto around with her fork. She was borderline full but searching for more of the tasty grilled chicken pieces. The herbs were amazing and Mitchell was right, the food was great. ‘There was something I wanted to tell you,’ Mitchell began, and then hesitated. He wasn’t sure how Jade would react but he hoped she might see the humorous side of it. He had definitely not taken advantage of the situation by looking back at her after the initial shock sighting. ‘Go on,’ she urged as she gave up on trying to fit in any more food and just sipped on her iced water. Mitchell took a nervous sip of his own water. ‘The other morning, I came to the house to assemble the sound system. Arthur had no clue how to put it together so he asked me to do it.’ Jade had no idea where the conversation was heading and why Mitchell thought there was a need to tell her about his handyman work. ‘Was this when you served me breakfast in bed with Amber?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘So did you get it done before I woke up?’ He drew a deep breath and continued. ‘No, it was later in the morning.’ ‘But I was home all morning after Maureen and Arthur took Amber out, and I didn’t see you,’ she returned with a puzzled look. ‘No, you didn’t see me, but I saw you sun-baking by the pool.’ Embarrassment hit and Jade put her hand to her mouth and closed her eyes for a moment. ‘I thought there was no one home or I would never have gone out in the sun like that.’ ‘I just wanted to say that I looked away as soon as I realised what you were doing. Your secret’s safe with me but I wanted us to have a level of honesty. I didn’t want to keep it from you.’ ‘What I was doing? What are you talking about? I was sun-baking … that’s all. You hardly had to avert your eyes, I’m sure you’ve seen it a million times before.’ Mitchell stared at Jade with a puzzled look. She was so casual about sunbathing naked and it took him by surprise. ‘Hardly a million,’ he remarked. ‘There were so many bikinis on the beach the other day.’ ‘Yes, there were, but you chose not to wear one and … and that’s okay …’ ‘What on earth are you talking about?’ she cut in abruptly. Her eyes were wide and completed her horrified expression. ‘I was wearing a bikini.’ ‘Not by the time I got there,’ he told her. ‘I walked to the shed to get some tools and when I closed the door I saw you lying there on the sun lounge with nothing on. I dropped the tools, picked them up and left.’ Jade sat up in her chair and wiped the corners of her mouth with the white napkin. ‘I don’t know whose house you were in, but it couldn’t have been the same one as me because I had on a string bikini. I have to admit it isn’t something I would parade around Amber but it’s all I had and I wanted to enjoy the sun. Clearly, you don’t know me very well to think for a moment I sunbathe in the nude.’ Jade dropped her voice to barely a whisper. ‘It’s not what I’d do.’ Jade thought back to her wildest days and even then she would have drawn the line at that. ‘Jade, we’ve only known each other for three days, so I can’t say I really know much about you at all. What I do know is that you’re a brilliant nurse, amazing with both the parents and the neonates, and you’ve done an amazing job of bringing up Amber. She’s a sweetheart and she adores and depends on you. I’m not about to judge you for skinny-dipping. In fact, quite the opposite,’ he said with a twinkle in his eye. ‘In your parents’ pool … that would be so wrong.’ ‘My family owes you so much for how you have raised Amber and been there for her every step of the way. Honestly, Jade, after what you’ve done for our family you can pretty much do anything you want and get away with it.’ ‘You can stop right there. It’s been hard at times but she is a joy and so precious and I couldn’t imagine a day without her,’ Jade told him. ‘But no matter how grateful your family might be, I wouldn’t overstep the mark and skinny-dip in their pool … ever. Stripping down to a bikini is a stretch for me, let alone running around the pool naked.’ Mitchell smiled but wasn’t sure why she wouldn’t wear a bikini around Amber. It was Australia and the twenty-first century so there was no reason that she couldn’t, and from what he had seen there was absolutely no reason for her not to wear one. Maybe she was telling the truth. Maybe she had been wearing a swimsuit and his eyes had misled him. ‘What colour is your bikini?’ ‘It’s kind of skin-coloured Lycra. You could call it nude. Maybe you should check your distance vision.’ ‘Damn, maybe I should,’ Mitchell said, laughing. ‘If only I’d known that you were wearing a swimsuit, I would’ve stopped and focused. But, Jade, I must say from my brief glance you looked stunning.’ Jade felt her cheeks redden with the compliment. She knew Mitchell really had looked away quickly. He was a gentleman. If he had stopped to look at her he would have quickly seen she’d been wearing a bikini so decency really had made him look the other way in a hurry. Although now she felt quite self-conscious that he had seen her in the skimpy swimsuit and she felt the need to explain why she had been wearing something so at odds with her normal dress code. ‘I haven’t worn it in years. I don’t think it’s the right image any more, particularly around a little girl. I think Amber would prefer to see me in something a bit more respectable.’ Mitchell did not break eye contact as he looked at his dinner companion and the woman who was slowly claiming more than his attention. She was getting closer each day to claiming his heart. ‘I would have to disagree with you on that one, Jade. I’m sure Amber would think her aunty looked gorgeous in a bikini. I know I did.’ CHAPTER SIX (#ulink_633e6055-ccf3-5116-96ff-b6245b626e6e) THE CALL CAME through from the Royal Flying Doctor Service just as Jade was scrubbing in the next afternoon. It was her last shift for the week, then she would have four days off with Amber to visit the zoo and have a birthday picnic. ‘I can leave immediately,’ Mitchell said as he saw the paediatric consultant scrubbing in. He knew NICU would be well covered. ‘Do you have the gestational age?’ ‘Around thirty-four weeks.’ ‘Thirty-four weeks, so not critical, but there are two babies to consider. If you have your flight nurse ready I’ll bring a neonatal nurse with midwifery experience.’ Mitchell knew exactly whom he would take on the trip. He had spied her scrubbing in for her shift. ‘We can transport the three of you.’ ‘Good, as I said, thirty-four weeks is not critical but twins can mean smaller babies so if there are complications I would prefer to have additional hands on board. Please let the pilot know I will arrange ambulance transportation to the airport straight away. ETA fifteen minutes.’ Mitchell hung up the phone and, looking around the NICU, quickly found Jade. With long, purposeful strides he crossed to her just as she was about to take Costa’s obs. ‘I need you to come with me. It’s urgent.’ He signalled Alli to come and take over Costa’s care from Jade. Jade didn’t doubt for a second by the tone of Mitchell’s voice and the look on his face that it was something serious. His brow was knitted and his jaw rigid as he spoke. ‘I need you to walk as we talk,’ he said, leading her from NICU. ‘I want you to travel with me to the Outback, to near a small town in the central Flinders Ranges. It’s called Blinman and it’s about an hour’s flight from here. We have premature labour with twins and the town has no medical facilities. The woman was on a camping retreat with her husband and friends when her waters broke.’ ‘Why me?’ ‘Because you have both neonatal and midwifery skills and you have just scrubbed in, so you are fresh,’ he replied matter-of-factly. ‘Alli and Laura have some midwifery behind them but they are about an hour from finishing long shifts. They’re tired and you’re better placed to help.’ They had reached the doors of the hospital and the ambulance bay at a ridiculously fast pace. ‘But what about Amber?’ ‘She won’t even know you’ve gone with me. It will be just over an hour’s flight time and by the sound of it the babies are close to being born so we will be back by dinner at the latest and I’ll let you knock off and go home the moment we get back. You’re not due to finish until late so you’ll be home earlier than usual.’ ‘Isn’t there a flight nurse and doctor on board already?’ ‘No, just a flight nurse. She will meet us at the airport. This is still deemed a high-risk delivery and there is enough room in the emergency retrieval aircraft for a three-person medical team, the mother and two portable cribs According to the RFDS, the mother is not fully dilated but well on the way so I’m thinking maybe four hours all up. Your shift has only just begun so we should return in plenty of time for you to get home to kiss Amber goodnight. I’ll text home and let them know we’re both in the air and we’ll be back in a few hours.’ ‘Why would an expectant mother head to the bush? What was out in the middle of nowhere?’ Jade asked as she and Mitchell climbed into the ambulance. ‘Sounds like eastern suburbs hippies, doing yoga and meditation for a week,’ he returned with a roll of his eyes. ‘Eastern suburbs means nothing to you, I know, but basically they are well educated, financially secure people who head to the bush to centre themselves once or twice a year. I have nothing against it but travelling over rough terrain probably wasn’t the best idea. It may or may not have brought about the early labour but it’s happened and she’s in trouble. Last antenatal check, twin two was still breech.’ ‘She’s definitely going to need our help, then,’ Jade replied. They arrived at the plane fifteen minutes later. The pilot warned them of bad weather rolling in from a tropical storm in the northeast, bringing a high chance of turbulence. He had exchanged intermittent radio contact with the patient’s partner, Jeremy, on the ground as his mobile service coverage wasn’t great and the storm-clouds were interfering. He would be making his way to the nearest makeshift airstrip. The flight nurse had ascertained that the woman was coping with the pain, she was as comfortable as could be expected in a tent and had another female companion with her. Then radio contact had been lost. ‘Emma Kingston,’ the flight nurse introduced herself as she boarded and buckled up. ‘Mitchell Forrester, neonatologist, Eastern Memorial.’ ‘Jade Grant, neonatal nurse.’ ‘And midwife,’ Mitchell added, with a sense of pride for the woman sitting beside him. ‘Good to have you both on board,’ Emma said as she looked over the notes that had been sent to her phone and handed them to Jade and Mitchell to read. ‘Twins, one breech, in a bush delivery will be challenging.’ ‘What are the biggest risks in your opinion?’ Mitchell asked Jade as they became airborne. ‘I have concerns with the safety of natural breech delivery and we obviously can’t perform a C-section. Natural birth requires at least the first foetus to be cephalic, which I’m noting here was the case at the last antenatal visit, but if the first baby is anything but this then a natural delivery is unsafe.’ ‘The RFDS operator said her obstetrician is confident that hasn’t changed,’ Mitchell told her. ‘Then we just have the normal issues after the first infant is delivered. With the cervix still wide open, the umbilical cord can make its way down and this can be dangerous for the remaining foetus. Then there’s the risk that if the uterus shrinks rapidly with the delivery of the first twin, then the placenta can separate. As I said before, there’s always a small risk with twin delivery of the need for a C-section for the second twin, and we won’t have that option in the bush.’ Mitchell considered Jade’s concerns for a moment. ‘Then let’s hope for everyone’s sake that the birth is straightforward as I want both babies out ASAP.’ Emma nodded her reply. She had been a flight nurse for over fifteen years with the RFDS but twins in remote areas was a worry. Not wanting to overthink the situation, she slipped on her headphones, pulled out some reports and began reading and making revisions. The increasing cloud cover made it a bumpy flight and a little nerve-racking for Jade. Each pocket of air that lifted and dropped the small plane sent Jade’s stomach into a tailspin. Her heart was beating at an alarming rate but she did her best to mask her concern. ‘Are you okay?’ Mitchell asked when he heard the sudden intake of air by Jade. ‘I thought this would be a piece of cake compared to the long-haul.’ ‘Not a huge lover of small aircraft,’ she said, still trying to control her emotions. Emma was engaged in her paperwork and didn’t seem perturbed by it at all. But there was more to it for Jade. She really didn’t want to discuss her recently acquired fear of nearly everything with a man who had daredevil on his r?sum?. He would never understand her love of thrills had flown out the window when Amber had arrived. She wasn’t scared for her own sake. It was the thought of Amber losing another person from her life that scared Jade to the core. No one deserved to experience loss the way Amber had without even being aware yet of what had been taken. One day she would understand more fully and Jade wanted to be there in one piece to help her though that realisation. ‘We’ll be fine. This weather might seem frightening to you but not to the pilot, who will be very experienced,’ his deep but still silky-smooth voice reassured her. Mitchell looked at Jade and realised that what he had deemed slight turbulence was really unnerving her. His bedside manner kicked in and he changed the subject. ‘How about you tell me why you chose the noble profession of neonatal nursing and midwifery and then I will bore you with why I became a neonatologist.’ Jade considered the very handsome passenger beside her and she appreciated he was trying to distract her. She felt she knew him better now after they’d worked together for two days and, of course, the enlightening lunch. It concerned her more that she was increasingly finding him as attractive on the inside as on the outside. Without warning, the plane dropped, and Mitchell instinctively reached his hand across to Jade’s and held it tightly. She didn’t pull away. His skin was so warm. His grip so firm. It wasn’t the turbulence that took her breath. She swallowed and tried not to look down to her lap, where his hand was protectively covering hers. His touch was unsettling but she had to admit silently, although it was ridiculous, that she suddenly felt better. Again. This was the second time that Mitchell had made her fears disappear with his touch. It was silly to think that his hand on hers could protect her in an emergency landing. But it felt as if it could. It also felt wonderful to have someone want to reassure her. And hold her. Jade knew what she had to do. And it was very different from what she wanted to do. She wanted to let him protect her for a few minutes longer. She wanted to relish that feeling of his skin against hers. But she needed to pull away and take care of herself. She had been doing it alone and there was no reason to change that now. She couldn’t rely on Mitchell. She couldn’t let him in. ‘I fell into it literally,’ she said, pulling her hand free to supposedly check the time on her wristwatch. ‘I was fourteen and I’d been skateboarding and took a tumble down some steps. I was attempting a stupid manoeuvre that didn’t pan out and I was admitted to A and E for a broken wrist. Before that I had no idea what I wanted to do but, watching the nurses, I decided that was my career path.’ ‘So why neo and midwifery after an A and E admission?’ he asked, aware that she had strategically withdrawn her hand and set the purely professional boundaries yet again. He wasn’t about to push that boundary. ‘On student placement I felt at home both in NICU and Obstetrics. I trained to be a midwife but also wanted to work in Neonatal so undertook additional training so I could work across both. What about you?’ ‘I left school and backpacked around Australia and then headed to Asia and Africa,’ he returned quickly, not wanting a lull in conversation that would let Jade think about the size of the plane and the worsening weather outside. ‘I saw what was needed in the developing countries that I visited and decided that I needed to qualify to be of any use so I headed home, applied to study medicine at Adelaide Uni and then specialised. It was a long haul but worth it. Once I was qualified and had completed my residency I returned to Africa and signed on with M?decins Sans Fronti?res. I worked in small villages and two refugee camps. They had squat when it came to medical equipment, but as a team we did save lives and improve the quality of those who may have been handicapped without early intervention.’ Jade had had no idea that he had been providing lifesaving medical assistance to people who would otherwise be denied access to even the most basic health care. Suddenly she realised that the man she had judged as irresponsible was, in fact, quite the opposite. He didn’t want ties but he certainly wanted to give to those who needed him most. Mitchell was quite complicated and not a man just after a good time. ‘But now you’re home,’ she said, not really sure why she did and even less sure of why she kept going with that line of questioning. ‘Will you stay here or head back overseas?’ It was none of her business and she wasn’t sure why she wanted to know. Mitchell paused to think. He hadn’t made plans, he never really had after his initial decision to study medicine. Everything else had just seemed to happen. He’d gone where opportunities and challenges arose and where he could avoid commitment. Mitchell had lived his adult life with a ‘fly by the seat of his pants’ attitude to life and he liked it that way. ‘I heard that there was an opening they couldn’t fill in NICU at the Eastern and thought it would be a good chance to catch up with family. Haven’t really thought about how long or what my plan is, I’ll just take it as it comes.’ The plane entered heavy grey clouds and rocked from side to side a little. ‘I’m afraid the storm front arrived a little early,’ the pilot announced. ‘Might get a little rough but shouldn’t be too long before we’re through to the other side.’ Jade felt her breathing stall as the plane lurched and jolted. She swallowed anxiously but very quickly the plane steadied and so did her breathing. She looked nervously from the window at the solid wall of grey and white fluff surrounding the small plane. She had to be brave, and with Mitchell so close she found it a little easier. It was only slight turbulence and perhaps the worst was already over. Suddenly the plane dropped about fifty feet from its flight path. Steadiness disappeared as Jade felt her stomach churn and her heart begin to pound. She gripped the armrests, her knuckles quickly turning white. Without thinking, Mitchell’s arms held her tightly. He didn’t care that she had tried to build a barrier. He ignored what she wanted and gave her what he knew at that moment she needed. Security and a sense that everything would be okay. Mitchell had travelled in enough light aircraft over the years to know they would be fine but she didn’t have that experience. He understood her fear was very real and he didn’t hesitate to reach out to her. Jade didn’t pull away, even after the turbulence subsided. She felt like she had found her safe harbour with Mitchell. And this time she wasn’t about to tell it any other way, to him or to herself. It was the truth. He made her sense of fear lessen and it was as if she could halve the worry, knowing he was there to lean on. She could not remember the last time she’d felt that she could rely on someone, more particularly a man. She had never let herself feel that way. As she looked down at the strong hand that was covering hers so warmly and the arm that was holding her tight, she wondered if Maureen and Arthur had raised two exceptional sons. CHAPTER SEVEN (#ulink_e9394291-171f-55d7-8022-3d72ee3245f2) THE PLANE LANDED without incident and the medical team quickly unloaded their kits, including two portable incubators, and made their way to the woman’s partner, who had been waiting at the makeshift runway with his four-wheel-drive. ‘I’m so bloody relieved to see you,’ he began as he helped to load the equipment into the back of the vehicle. ‘I left Sophie’s best friend, Wendy, with her. She’s had four kids of her own so I figured she would be more use than me,’ he told them as they climbed into the vehicle. ‘It’s only a ten-minute drive from here but I can get Wendy on the phone for you if you like. My handfree connection’s not good so I’ll call before I start out and give you the phone.’ Jade watched as he pulled up the number. His fingers were shaking and beads of perspiration were covering his brow. The sun was warm and the air was dry. It was clearly nerves causing his reaction. ‘I have the doctors with me,’ he said into the mobile phone then put it on loudspeaker and handed it over. ‘Hi, Wendy, this is Jade Grant, I’m a midwife from the Eastern Memorial Hospital and I have with me Mitchell Forrester, a neonatal specialist, and also Emma, the Royal Flying Doctor Service flight nurse. The plan is for us to be there to deliver the twins and we are a little under ten minutes away. How far apart are Sophie’s contractions?’ ‘About three minutes. I really hope you make it here. I’ve had four of my own but not in a tent and I had an epidural with all of them so Sophie’s doing it the hard way. She’s on a clean sleeping bag on all fours to help with the pain because I don’t have any painkillers to give her.’ ‘Three minutes should give us time. I’m happy to hear she’s in a clean and dry environment. Can you see the head of a baby yet?’ ‘Yes. The top of the first twin’s head is crowning and Sophie’s got the urge to bear down but I’ve told her to try to hold off until you get here, which I know is easy for me to say.’ ‘I’m glad she can see a head,’ Mitchell said. ‘At least the first is not breech and maybe there’s a chance the second has turned in utero.’ Jade nodded her agreement with Mitchell’s comment and turned her attention back to the surrogate midwife. ‘We are only a few minutes away now, Wendy, and you are doing a great job. Just keep Sophie calm, discourage her from pushing, and if you can massage her back it might help with the pain.’ Jade kept talking to Wendy as the four-wheel-drive manoeuvred through the rough terrain to the campsite. It was obvious to them all why the man had not attempted to take his wife into town once labour had started. Jade was surprised, with the way they were all thrown about, that labour hadn’t started when the campers had first arrived. It was not the ideal place for an expectant mother to holiday only six weeks from delivery of twins but clearly by the number of tents she could see at the site, this was a majority choice holiday destination. As they pulled up Mitchell, Jade and Emma hurriedly climbed out with their equipment. Quite a few people had gathered outside the tent that had become the makeshift birthing suite. They were all trying to offer advice and although it was heartfelt, Jade knew that it probably wasn’t helping Sophie or Wendy. ‘Please make way.’ Mitchell’s voice was firm and the small crowd parted as the medical team approached. Someone held open the tent entrance for them. They had arrived just in time. Sophie was already pushing. Jade covered her hands generously in antibacterial solution, slipped on some gloves and pulled the cord clamps from the birthing kit, along with the Syntocinon to assist with the afterbirth. She dropped to her knees for the delivery. ‘Do you want me on my back?’ Sophie managed to ask before the pain took her breath away. ‘No, you’re in a good position on all fours. It opens the pelvis right up, rather than being on your back. You’re doing a wonderful job, Sophie,’ Jade told her in a soft, calm voice. ‘Just keeping breathing slowly …’ Jade’s words were cut short by the next painful contraction. ‘Can you dampen the towel on her forehead a little?’ Jade directed Jeremy. ‘It’s warm in here and it might help.’ Jeremy dipped the towel in a basin of water that had been brought to the makeshift birthing suite earlier and began gently mopping his wife’s brow. ‘I’m so sorry, darling, that I asked you to come here. It was a stupid idea but I thought you had another six weeks or more.’ ‘I’m not sorry we came on the camping trip,’ she muttered, between panting and pushing. ‘But with this god-awful pain, I’m just sorry that I ever had sex with you. And, for the record, I’m never doing it again!’ Another powerful contraction came and the first baby’s head emerged. A mass of black hair first, then a wrinkled forehead and tiny face. ‘Just push slowly as you breathe,’ Jade told her. ‘We don’t want to rush the baby.’ There were a few more contractions and Sophie’s first baby was born into Jade’s waiting hands. ‘You have a little girl.’ Mitchell stepped closer and with sterile hands he reached for the tiny girl, who was not as small as he had imagined she would be for the gestational age. Given their surroundings, he was glad there must have been a discrepancy in dates, as a low birth weight baby might have struggled with a natural birth. Jade clamped and cut the cord quickly, and Mitchell wrapped her in sterile sheeting and took her aside to check her. Emma could not put the child to the mother’s breast, as there was the second baby to deliver. Another contraction began and the second baby was on its way quickly. A foot appeared and then with the next contraction it disappeared again inside Sophie. ‘It appears that that we are looking at a breech birth after all,’ Jade announced as Emma watched on, ready to collect the second baby so that Jade could look after Sophie during the third stage of delivery. ‘I prefer “handsoff” breech births if possible so we will be taking this slowly.’ The next painful contraction came, and Sophie groaned loudly. Both feet appeared this time and then with each following contraction a little more of the second baby was exposed. With each breath Sophie pushed her second baby a little farther into the world. With concern on his face, her husband mopped her forehead as Jade coached her through the process. A little while later, with no intervention, the hips and stomach of the equally good-sized second baby girl emerged. Finally her little face and then her mop of thick black hair appeared. ‘Another girl,’ Jade announced. Mitchell watched and saw that while her little heart was beating and the cord was still pulsing, she was not breathing on her own. He carefully handed the first baby to Emma, then placed an infant non-rebreather over the baby’s nose and mouth and began resuscitation. He had been prepared as it was commonplace for breech babies. ‘Breathe, baby girl,’ Jeremy called to his tiny newborn daughter. Jade could see the panic on his face and Sophie’s. ‘Don’t worry,’ she reassured them. ‘It’s not unusual and Dr Forrester knows exactly what to do.’ A few moments later the little girl began crying and so was Jeremy with joy and relief. Jade gave Sophie the prepared shot and the placentas arrived with a single contraction for each. Jade checked the placentas thoroughly to ensure they were complete and nothing had been retained in Sophie’s uterus that could lead to haemorrhage, as she was already at increased risk of haemorrhage from delivering twins. Jade tended to Sophie as Mitchell and Emma tended to the two baby girls. Mitchell checked the second baby’s vital signs and, like her twin, she was in good health with a good weight. ‘You’ve been fortunate. Even with a breech birth you won’t be requiring any stitches,’ Jade announced after the birth. Mitchell had assessed both babies and noted that although they were small they were healthy and would need no additional support. Clearly there had been some mix-up with dates and for all concerned it was a welcome mistake. ‘Although I have no concerns about the health of your daughters, we need to get mother and babies to hospital immediately,’ Mitchell announced, as he gave the firstborn to the father for a cuddle while he packed away his medical kit. ‘Can you drive us back to the airstrip? I will need you to take it very slowly.’ Jeremy looked with joy at the tiny miracle in his arms, then at his second daughter, being held by Emma. He turned to look lovingly at his wife as a smile played at the corners of his mouth. ‘They are perfect and beautiful, just like you.’ She stared in silence at the man who had given her the two most precious gifts in the world. ‘They are beautiful, aren’t they?’ she said as she drew in a deep breath. Then, apparently forgetting the others still sharing the tent, she added, ‘But we’re still never having sex again!’ It was a bumpy ride to the makeshift airstrip where the pilot was waiting. They had travelled slowly in a convoy of four-wheel-drives with the assistance of the other campers. ‘I won’t get on the plane without Jeremy,’ Sophie suddenly announced when the pilot explained that her husband could not fly back. There simply was insufficient room. ‘We’re at capacity as it is. Your husband will have to drive back to Adelaide.’ ‘I won’t do it,’ she said, clinging to her husband’s T-shirt. ‘I want him with me and our babies, or I won’t take the flight.’ Mitchell considered Sophie’s request. She had been through so much in the past few hours and her request was not unfair or irrational. The woman was in good health and both babies were healthy and he knew they would more than likely be discharged from the hospital in a week or so. They were both a good weight and had no obvious medical problems. He crossed to Jade, hopeful that she would agree to take the later flight. Emma was the only choice to travel with Sophie and Jeremy. She was the flight nurse and knew the plane’s equipment, and if turbulence occurred it would not be an issue to her. She could also more than adequately meet the three patients’ medical needs. Jade tentatively agreed. ‘So we’ll fly home later this afternoon, then?’ ‘Yes,’ the pilot explained. ‘Head back to the campsite in the four-wheel-drive for a couple of hours until I get back … Or you could hit the road but it would be about a six-hour drive.’ ‘We’ll wait for you to return,’ Mitchell said. ‘There’s been some bad weather and I don’t know the condition of the road.’ The pilot nodded and, after loading the passengers, he took off. Jade watched the plane disappear from sight. She was enormously relived that Sophie and her two beautiful babies were on their way back to the Eastern Memorial with Jeremy and Emma but she felt uneasy that she was on the ground with Mitchell. One of the drivers from the campsite suggested they all head back to the campsite and have something to eat. Then they could return in two hours for the return flight. It was just before five in the evening and with daylight saving the sun wouldn’t set for hours. Mitchell and Jade agreed. ‘I’ll call home on the way and let them know you’ll be late tonight,’ Mitchell said as they climbed into the vehicle for the ten-minute trip back to the campsite. It was quicker going back as they didn’t have to take it slowly for Sophie and the babies. The early vegan dinner was lovely and much needed. Jeremy and Sophie’s friends insisted on providing a healthy spread of food as a thank you for all that Jade and Mitchell had done in ensuring Sophie and the babies were fine. Mitchell and Jade didn’t realise how hungry they were until they started eating. There was an abundance of everything and it was beautifully prepared and very tasty. ‘As I said, Eastern suburbs hippies do the whole Woodstock thing in style,’ he whispered in her ear. ‘And they take their four-wheel drives to a campsite in the middle of nowhere so they’re not exactly roughing it.’ Jade smiled as she took another bite of her salad. ‘But maybe next time they shouldn’t do it when one of them is heavily pregnant.’ The time was passing quickly and Jade was preparing to head back to the makeshift airstrip when a call came through. ‘Dr Forrester, it’s Doug from the RDFS base in Adelaide. I’m just calling to inform you that there’s been an emergency on a sheep station just north of you and unfortunately the pilot has been redirected there and won’t be able to collect you this evening. I can have a plane there in the morning.’ ‘I guess that will have to be okay. What time do you want us back at the airstrip?’ Jade was busy thanking her hosts for their hospitality. ‘Fine,’ she heard him say as she headed to the four-wheel-drive. ‘We’ll be there at nine a.m.’ Jade’s jaw dropped. There had to be some mistake. ‘Be where at nine in the morning?’ Mitchell drew a breath, well aware that Jade would not like his answer. ‘The airstrip.’ ‘No, we can’t be staying here tonight. Why? What happened?’ ‘An accident at a sheep station is more urgent than us, I’m afraid, so we’re here till the morning.’ It was a disaster. Jade was upset and although she knew she had no right to be angry with Mitchell, she still felt that it was his fault in some way. She had never spent a night away from Amber and worried how the little girl would react. Mitchell saw her stiffen and stare coolly at him. ‘I’m not wanting to be here any more than you, believe me. I’ve done my fair share of camping over the years and I quite like the king-size bed and the air-conditioning I have back in Adelaide. But we need to make the best of it. I’ll see if they have a spare tent so we can have one each and we’ll get the bedding organised now.’ ‘But what about Amber? You promised me that I would be back to tuck her into bed.’ Mitchell ran his fingers through his hair. ‘I know, and I’m sorry. I didn’t plan for this to happen.’ ‘I never said you did, but I’m worried about Amber.’ ‘I’ll call my mother and you can talk to her and to Amber while I organise our sleeping arrangements.’ Mitchell dialled and handed the telephone to Jade, who was quickly reassured by Maureen that Amber would be fine and that she would sleep in the room with her overnight. Jade felt better. Not great, but better. Mitchell, however, wasn’t feeling so great. He had been told they would have to share the tent that belonged to Jeremy and Sophie. It was a state-of-the-art tent and they did have spare clean sleeping bags and pillows to give them. He decided to deal with that problem later. He worried that if he raised that issue, Jade would start the three-hundred-mile trek home on her own. ‘Let’s walk around for a while,’ Mitchell suggested as his footsteps cracked the fallen pieces of eucalyptus bark lying on the ground. ‘Amber is under control back at home and my mother will call if there are any problems. There’s nothing to do but make the most of the time here and I promise nothing daring or risky, just a nice bush walk.’ Jade still wasn’t happy. It was her worst nightmare. Stuck so far away from Amber. And with a man she had to admit she was growing fond of, despite her best efforts. If it weren’t for the joy she had seen on Amber’s face when she had talked about spending her day with Maureen and Arthur, Jade would have regretted her trip to Adelaide immediately. But she couldn’t turn back the clock and neither would she, as Amber, Maureen and Arthur deserved to spend time with each other. She had to be logical. There was nothing anyone could do to change things. She reminded herself that Amber was settled with Maureen and Arthur and they would no doubt be making a fuss of her so she probably wouldn’t be overly anxious. She was the anxious one. She told herself it would be just the one night and then she had four days off with Amber. They would celebrate her third birthday with a trip to the zoo. But not the one that Mitchell had suggested with the roaming lions. Jade liked the petting zoo, where they could walk among the goats, and chickens and ducks. She was slowly getting her anxiety under control. Looking for the positives was the best solution, she decided. It wasn’t the end of the world. She would spend a few hours seeing some Australian bush wilderness up close before she crawled into her own tent, and then in the morning they would be back in Adelaide. She just didn’t want to get up close to Mitchell. But then she reminded herself that they had a group of campers with them. It wasn’t as if anything could or would happen. Jade looked down at her nursing uniform, now a little the worse for wear and stained with blood. ‘I think it might be difficult to hike around in this. I mean, the white duty shoes are about the only bit that works. And you’ll look a little silly in your outfit too, a little formal for a bush walk.’ Mitchell looked down at his clothes and realised his long grey slacks and white business shirt and the tie that was hanging loosely from the collar would not be the best outfit. ‘Maybe someone can loan us some clothes,’ he said, and headed over to the group about to begin their bush yoga class. ‘Since we’re here overnight, I was just wondering if you might have some clothes we could borrow until tomorrow.’ One of the older ladies in the group slowly undid her very awkward lotus pose with a grimace. ‘I have some old things that belonged to my daughter and son-in-law. I meant to drop them at the mission but didn’t have time. There’s a bag in the car. I’ll grab something for both of you,’ she said as she stood up. ‘And while you’re off walking I’ll fix up the tent with the new bedding since you’ll be staying the night together. We don’t have a spare tent.’ Jade felt her stomach fall and heart race. That was not how she had pictured the sleeping arrangements. Sleeping in the same tent with Mitchell had her close to panic. Lying in the dark hearing him breathing. Knowing he was so close. Knowing he was stirring feelings that she should not be feeling. Mitchell saw Jade flinch and he knew what he needed to do. ‘I’ll sleep under the stars and you can have the tent.’ She let a little breath escape with relief and her pulse returned to normal. She couldn’t share a tent with Mitchell. It wasn’t because she couldn’t trust him, it was because she wasn’t sure she could trust herself. ‘Here you go,’ the woman said, and handed Jade some denim shorts and a T-shirt and Mitchell a pair of cargo pants and a tank top. ‘They might not be a perfect fit but they’ll be better than what you’re wearing now for out here in the bush.’ Jade smiled and took the clothes. ‘Thanks so much. I’ll launder them and drop them off at the mission next week.’ Jade disappeared into the tent and when she emerged, Mitchell’s jaw dropped. The tiny denim shorts fitted like a second skin with her long bare legs pouring from them. The tight T-shirt that bared her midriff was also the perfect size, in Mitchell’s opinion, but he was sure Jade would not agree. He was certain her prim and proper alarm would be ringing. ‘I’ll check if she has anything else for me to wear. This is obviously for someone a few inches shorter,’ she said, tugging at the hem of the top, trying to hide the bare skin. ‘I think you look great … in fact, better than great. There’s no time to change, the sun will go down and we won’t see anything if you try on everything in the mission bag. Let me throw on my hand-me-downs and we can get out of here and take in some sights of the Aussie scrub.’ Jade felt so self-conscious. It had been so long since she had been out in public in revealing clothes and she wanted to pull the denim fabric down to cover her legs as well. But there wasn’t any spare fabric and none was about to magically appear. The shorts were so small and the T-shirt was stretched very snugly over her breasts. She was at least grateful she had worn a sports bra and not a lacy number. Mitchell emerged as if he had chosen the outfit. Jade knew he couldn’t have done better with a stylist. The tank top showed off his perfectly sculpted arms and the cargo shorts sat low on his hips, just the way he liked them and the way she had seen him wear them at the beach. Remembering the fact that Mitchell had already seen her in her bikini, and the others were involved in an Outback yoga class, and the kookaburras definitely wouldn’t care about her attire, she decided she had no choice but to let it go. ‘Looks like you’re about to get your first sighting of marsupials from the land Down Under,’ Mitchell said with a smile. He grabbed some bottled water from the campsite cooler and they headed off through the dry scrub with the leaves and bark snapping under their feet. The air was still dry and warm and Jade could smell the distinctive scent of the eucalyptus leaves. She was thrilled when half an hour into their walk she spied a lizard sunning itself on a hollow tree branch. The brown and black scales blended with the tones of the bush surroundings and it became almost invisible. ‘Would poisonous snakes, like rattlesnakes, be around here?’ she asked as she surveyed the tufts of dry grass dotted on the red dirt around her. ‘There are poisonous snakes, but we don’t have rattlesnakes, they’re one of your countrymen. I’d say the deadly brown snakes would be the ones to watch out for around here.’ ‘That’s a help.’ She laughed as she jumped from one large boulder to another. ‘That’s the colour of most snakes!’ ‘Then maybe,’ he called to her, ‘don’t try to pat any of them.’ Mitchell loved seeing that side of Jade. She was carefree and spirited. He wished they could stay here for a week and get to know one another. To see how much more he could uncover about the woman who was now standing atop a two-foot rock and smiling into the setting sun. She was perfect and he was dangerously close to falling for her. They were having such a great time that Jade even forgot how inappropriate her outfit was. The Outback and Mitchell were both captivating and distracting. The walk was wonderful with the scent of the warm summer night and the wildlife sounds all around them. ‘So how do you like Outback Australia?’ ‘Well, it’s definitely a far cry from LA,’ she said as she climbed over some rocks to where he was standing. ‘Can you tell me more about where we are?’ ‘As your personal tour guide—unpaid, I might add—I can.’ His mouth curved into a ridiculously handsome smile. ‘This is the Flinders Ranges National Park. We’re about three hundred miles from Adelaide …’ He paused as he realised immediately that it also meant from her niece. ‘And Amber,’ she added dryly. ‘But I’m okay, really.’ She decided the rock could be her makeshift seat in the sun as she dropped down onto the hard but warm boulder for a rest while she enjoyed the view. ‘I’m sure Maureen and Arthur are spoiling her rotten and, to be honest, I couldn’t be happier about it. She needs to know she has family who love her as much as I do.’ Mitchell was surprised. It was a huge step for Jade. He hoped he’d had something to do with her shift in demeanour. She was still far from the wild child that David had spoken about, but she was even further from the governess in those shorts. ‘We all do,’ he said, and their eyes met for the longest time. Jade pointed ahead and purposely broke the spell. ‘So what’s over there?’ Mitchell didn’t want the moment or the feeling to end. For the first time in his life he loved the way he felt about a woman beside him. Finally, he looked across the landscape and answered. ‘Bunyeroo Gorge is about twenty miles from here. It’s a great drive with spectacular views and a trip through the gorge itself. The last time I travelled through there, a few years ago, there was a fair amount of water, which added to the driving experience but we won’t have time to do it today. Maybe if you want to see more of Australia we could come back.’ Jade was surprised by the invitation. She had not thought past this trip, and definitely not planned that they would spend additional time together, but it made her feel good that he had. She smiled at the thought of exploring the wilderness with Mitchell. ‘Some of the rock formations are over six hundred million years old,’ Mitchell continued. ‘Then there’s the Brachina Gorge, which is particularly awesome. It’s rugged country but stunning up there.’ ‘So you’ve spent a great deal of time travelling around Australia?’ ‘I backpacked around when I was eighteen. I needed some space of my own and to not be responsible for anyone else so I took off and worked odd jobs to pay my way. I do love Outback Australia.’ ‘Tell me some of the history,’ Jade said, then added, ‘Your history, not the gorge’s.’ Mitchell took Jade’s cue and sat down on a rock not too far from her. ‘Not much to say. I travelled a lot after graduating, I told you that in the plane. I worked overseas and I’m back in Adelaide for a while. That’s about it.’ ‘What about your childhood?’ she said, lying back a little on her rocky platform above the dirt. ‘Did you want to study medicine because of your stepfather? Did he encourage you during your high-school years?’ Mitchell wished that Arthur had been there while he’d been in high school. That would have made his life much easier and particularly his mother’s and brother’s lives. ‘No,’ he replied as he waved a horse fly away from his brow. ‘Arthur came into my mother’s life when I was already in medical school. My father was long gone and she met Arthur when she was working as a dental receptionist. He needed an emergency appointment and she squeezed him in to see the dentist and that was it. Arthur asked her out to dinner after the dentist put in a temporary filling, and they’ve been together ever since. They say it was love at first sight.’ ‘What a romantic story,’ Jade said as she stretched her legs out in front of her and instinctively curled her toes. ‘It sounds like David and Ruby. Theirs was love at first sight too.’ Mitchell said nothing. He couldn’t relate to the idea. Falling in love and settling down had always been the furthest thing from his mind. In his mind love didn’t last and the collateral damage scared him to the core. But for some strange reason, sitting with Jade, it suddenly didn’t seem so unnerving. ‘I guess they’re the lucky ones,’ she said, looking up into the pink and purple striped sky that hung over them like a giant patterned canopy. ‘Lucky perhaps the second time around, but not even close with the first,’ he said without thinking. ‘So her relationship with your father was very unhappy.’ She turned to face him, her expression suddenly serious. ‘Let’s just say he let us all down, shattered the family, but we got through,’ Mitchell said, climbing back to his feet. ‘Not without some scars, mind you, but it’s much too great an evening to waste it talking about my father.’ They walked in silence and enjoyed the sunset. While Jade was curious about Mitchell’s father, she didn’t bring it up again. He obviously didn’t want to discuss it further and that was his prerogative. But it did make her think it might be an underlying reason for his behaviour over the years. His father’s actions had definitely impacted on Mitchell. They were both mindful they needed to be back before it was completely dark. Mitchell had a good sense of direction so he knew they would be safe. Jade realised how she once again she felt safe just being near him. And now knowing a little more about the man, feeling safe with Mitchell wasn’t scaring her at all. CHAPTER EIGHT (#ulink_b6619df1-a411-56cb-a03b-77fbb04c8708) ‘SOMETHING TELLS ME Australian beer is not to Jade’s liking,’ Mitchell told the other campers. They had returned from their hike and had been invited to join them for a nice cold drink. It was the first time Jade had sampled the amber drink with the white froth and she quickly realised she would never ask for one again. ‘It’s so … bitter,’ she said as her face contorted a little, and she quickly passed the small bottle to Mitchell. Without hesitation, he took a sip. ‘It’s cold and I’m off duty, so I’m not about to complain. Suddenly they both realised how comfortable they had become in each other’s company. They had a level of familiarity between them that made it natural for him to finish her drink. The campsite hosts offered Jade a nice chardonnay instead and she quickly found that Australian wine was much more to her liking as they passed the evening with polite conversation. The men then pulled out some cards and suggested poker. Jade noticed Mitchell suddenly shift in his chair. She could see he clearly didn’t like the idea, which suited her as she was getting tired. It had been a long day, but she couldn’t help but notice there was more to Mitchell’s reaction than just tiredness. There was a look of disapproval. ‘It’s getting late and the plane will be back in the morning, so I think we’ll turn in for the night. Thank you all for your hospitality.’ Mitchell stood up and with a look that Jade had trouble defining in her own mind he reached his hand down to help her up. Without thinking, he kept holding Jade’s hand long after he needed to and he led her to the other side of the camp and to their tent. ‘You don’t approve of cards?’ she asked as they neared the tent. ‘Let’s just say I don’t think much of anything related to gambling. No one should gamble money, lives … or people’s feelings.’ ‘That sounds like it’s coming from a place of experience,’ she said softly. She wanted to know more about the man who was making her body and heart come alive. Mitchell walked farther away from the others, still holding her hand. He sat down on a large fallen eucalyptus branch not too far from their tent and gently pulled her down beside him. ‘My biological father gambled with our family and when he lost, we all lost.’ Without thinking, Jade stroked his arm as he looked into the distance and into his past. ‘My father lost everything we owned, our home, savings, even my mother’s jewellery was pawned before he took off with his mistress when I was only fourteen.’ ‘Mitchell, I’m so sorry.’ ‘Hey, we still had each other but in my infinite wisdom as a teenager I decided it was my job to make it up to my mother.’ Jade was confused. ‘But it was your father who lost everything and walked out. You had nothing to do with it.’ Mitchell released her hand. His jaw tensed before he spoke. ‘I saw him with the other woman. I was catching the tram home from school and I saw him leave the casino, holding hands with a woman I knew worked in his office. It was about six months before he left us. Looking back, I should have said something, maybe prepared my mother. Perhaps we could have secured the house, or at least the money and her jewellery. But I did nothing. I hoped it was a one-night stand, an affair that would blow over. I didn’t tell anyone, not even my father.’ ‘Your mother may not have believed you, Mitchell. She may have thought you were mistaken, and more than likely your father would have lied his way out of it. A man who would do that is not going to admit it.’ ‘Who knows? But I couldn’t change anything so I decided to make it up to my mother and brother and lied about my age, got a false ID and got work in a warehouse. I told my mother that I hated school and got home schooling, which allowed me to work all day and study at night. David was only nine and couldn’t help. I just wanted him to stay on track and at school.’ Jade felt tears welling inside. Mitchell had made life choices at such a young age through misguided guilt and enormous reserves of compassion. ‘My mother found employment too, but with little or no workplace skills her money was not enough to keep a roof over our heads and pay off the credit-card debt my father had also run up. So we both kept working and I missed out on a huge part of my teenage years. My mother hated that I had to work and she told me she’d work longer hours so I could return to school but we both knew she couldn’t work any more hours. There weren’t enough in the day for either of us.’ ‘Your father’s selfish behaviour cost you your youth. No wonder you’ve spent the last few years having fun.’ ‘It was hardly the coal mines …’ ‘To a teenage boy, missing out on everything normal and natural and silly in those precious years would be life-changing and devastating,’ Jade cut in, aware of her own carefree, rebellious youth. ‘Arthur came into my mother’s life when I was eighteen. He was a good man and I was very happy to see my mother happy, but I also was over it. I was over being responsible. I took off. It was as though I had handed my mother to Arthur and I was out of there.’ ‘That’s being a little harsh on yourself. I’m sure Maureen was relieved that you no longer had to be the man of the house.’ ‘I worry that I would have bolted anyway, even if Arthur hadn’t shown up. I was burnt out.’ Jade shook her head. ‘I’m sure you would have stayed. If you managed to hold it together for three long years, working and studying, you would have seen it through. I’m sure of it.’ Her hand reached up and brushed away a stray wattle flower that had landed on his shoulder. ‘Nice of you to think so, but I guess I share my father’s DNA. Maybe Arthur was a stroke of luck because I was done. That’s why I’ve avoided family. I don’t want to let anyone down. I felt trapped. Maybe that’s how my father felt when he left.’ ‘Stop right there,’ Jade demanded of the man she had so quickly come to know. ‘You were fifteen when you took on the role your father abandoned, you held it down for three years and took care of your mother and brother, and finally, when you mother found love, you left to enjoy your life. How is that anything like a selfish middle-aged man gambling all the family’s money, leaving them in debt and shooting through with his mistress? They are poles apart. You showed maturity beyond your years, love and loyalty, while your father’s actions were despicable.’ ‘Maybe that’s how you see it but I’m not that chivalrous. And I can’t change now,’ he admitted. ‘I disagree. I think you cut your hair and shaved your beard to meet your niece. You wanted her to like you and not be scared away by the wild bushman. You cared about how she felt. It might seem a little thing but add that to the way you melt around Amber, and it shows the man you are. You have a wonderful heart and you’re nothing like your father.’ Mitchell had told himself as he’d sat in the barber’s chair the day after he’d arrived in Adelaide that it would be cooler to have shorter hair in the summer, and perhaps this way he wouldn’t scare either Jade or Amber away. But he knew inside it was more than that. More than even Jade could see. A part of him wanted to be a little more like David. He wanted to be closer to the father Amber had lost, even if it was only for a few weeks. But he doubted he could come close to being half the man his brother had been. ‘I like to have no roots, I don’t want to be in one place or responsible. I don’t think that I ever will …’ Jade saw Mitchell in a different light and she cut short his words with a kiss. He had been running from guilt that he shouldn’t have been carrying and she felt her last walls of resistance fall with his honesty. She now needed to be honest with herself. She wanted Mitchell Forrester. Looking at Jade, comfortable in her skimpy outfit, enjoying the Outback, Mitchell also saw a different side of her and he couldn’t hold back any longer either. Their bodies only inches apart, her heart was pounding as she felt his breath on her cheek and smelt the scent of his woody cologne. Neither moved. Neither had the strength to walk away. The sincerity and warmth in his words drew her to him and she didn’t know what to think any more. She was about to give in to feelings she had never thought she would feel again. The desire that he was stirring she had thought was buried completely under a sea of duty and guilt. With little effort he was resurrecting a side she had thought was lost for ever. His hands cupped her face before passion took over and there was urgency as his mouth closed on hers. With no need for words, he pulled her close to him and, forgetting their bush surroundings, his hands roamed the curves of her body. Willingly, she pressed her body against the hardness of his and a little groan of pleasure escaped from her lips. She could hardly breathe. His mouth moved slowly down her neck, trailing kisses across her skin. Her back arched as he gently tilted her head to take his kisses lower. ‘Is there room in your tent for both of us?’ His voice was low and husky. She nodded her reply as his tongue teased her skin and he led her by the hand into the darkness of the tent, where he slowly removed every piece of her clothing. And then his own before he was consumed by passion for the woman lying naked on the ground. Jade woke in the morning to the sounds of the kookaburras in the treetops and some rustling in the leaves on the ground outside. She sat upright in surprise. Then she felt a warm hand pull her back down to the softness of the thick sleeping bag for two. ‘It’s probably just a possum or koala. Lie back down with me and I’ll protect you from ferocious marsupials.’ Her lips formed a soft smile before Mitchell’s mouth claimed hers. His kiss held the same level of passion that they had enjoyed during the hours of lovemaking before they’d fallen asleep in each other’s arms. It was very clear to Jade that the morning was beginning in the same wonderful way the night had ended. There would be no argument from her. ‘Jade,’ he began, realising that for the first time in his life he wanted more than a one-night stand. He wanted Jade in his life for ever. ‘Last night was wonderful and I hope we can find a way to make this work …’ ‘Let’s take it slow. I don’t want you to feel pressured. I wanted you and you wanted me. I am so happy here with you right now. Let’s see where this leads.’ It was the Jade of old speaking and she was happy to hear that voice from the past. As they lay in each other’s arms, they heard voices outside. ‘Do possums talk?’ she whispered with a smile in her voice. He put his finger to her lips and softly said. ‘Let’s pretend we’re asleep and they’ll go away.’ The male voice drew closer. ‘I can’t hear you very well, the reception out here is terrible but I’ll see if he’s awake and get him to call you back.’ Jade drew the covers up as she heard the footsteps next to the zip door of the tent. ‘Is anyone awake?’ the man’s voice called. ‘It’s quite urgent. There’s a call from Adelaide.’ ‘Just a minute.’ Mitchell struggled in a half-kneeling position to pull on his boxers and jeans before he bent down and tenderly kissed Jade again. ‘Hold that thought and don’t get dressed. I’ll be back soon. I’m sure it’s nothing. The plane’s not due for another hour.’ He unzipped the tent, stepped into the warm morning air and stretched. ‘Sorry to wake you but you left your phone out here on the chair and it was vibrating on and off for about ten minutes so I picked it up.’ Mitchell noticed the serious look on Jack’s face. ‘Who was it?’ he asked with concern in his voice. ‘Your mother …’ he began. ‘Is everything all right?’ Mitchell could hear the man’s voice was sombre. ‘Did she say what it was about? Has there been an accident?’ ‘Not an accident but apparently your niece had a turn of sorts. She’s in hospital, something about her kidney failing.’ ‘I mean, she has another one so I’m sure she’ll be all right,’ the man said with an inflection that made the statement become closer to a question. ‘No, she won’t, my niece only has one functioning kidney.’ Mitchell and Jade were driven back to the makeshift airstrip by one of the men from the camp. The plane would arrive half an hour earlier than originally planned to get them to Adelaide. Jade was back in her nursing uniform. Mitchell was had also changed back into his hospital clothes, and they stood under the shade of a giant eucalypt. ‘I should never have come.’ She scowled at herself. ‘I should have insisted that you take another nurse. It just was another bad choice I’ve made in life. I can’t believe what I’ve done, what we’ve done. I left Amber alone so far away from me. I was stupid and thinking about myself. Last night while we were …’ She fumbled over her words, not wanting to admit to what had happened between them. ‘Last night Amber needed me and I wasn’t there.’ ‘You mean when I was making love to you.’ ‘While we were thinking about ourselves and forgetting the real world and our responsibilities,’ she corrected him without referring to their lovemaking. ‘I let Amber down, and I let Ruby down. It was wrong of me.’ ‘You didn’t let anyone down. We spent the night together, and there was nothing wrong about it.’ ‘It shouldn’t have happened. I came to Adelaide to let Amber meet her grandparents, not to hook up with her uncle.’ She bit her lip angrily. Her breathing was laboured as she paced the dusty track and looked up at the sky impatiently. ‘Call it whatever you want, but I’m not sorry it happened. I have feelings for you. I’m not sure where it will lead us but last night was not just a hook-up. It wasn’t planned and it isn’t why Amber is facing health issues right now. The two aren’t related any more than the accident three years ago that you still carry around as if you personally caused it to happen.’ Jade shot him a look of contempt. ‘You don’t know anything about it. I booked the holiday for them. I told them to go and get away to Palm Springs. It’s my fault they are both dead and now look what has happened to Amber because of me being away from her. She was probably fretting, I could have stopped it happening …’ ‘Don’t do this,’ he said firmly as he walked to where she was still pacing and pulled her to him. ‘You couldn’t change what happened. You’re a nurse and you know that Amber’s condition was present at birth and there was every chance this could happen without warning. The nephrologist would have explained that to you before you left Los Angeles to come here. You can’t keep Amber in a glass room inside bubble wrap so she can’t hurt herself and you can’t watch over her twenty-four seven.’ Jade angrily pulled herself free from his embrace. ‘I should have refused to come here.’ ‘You had no choice, you had to travel with me. You were the best nurse for the job. And if it wasn’t for you, those two babies might not be alive today.’ ‘The plane is here,’ she said, ignoring his remark about the birth and the positive outcome. It was still not enough to balance out what she had done wrong in her eyes. There was an uncomfortable silence for the hour’s flight. Mitchell did not want to add to Jade’s stress or create a scene in front of the pilot. He was grateful that no bad weather was predicted and there was little chance of turbulence as he knew that Jade would never let him help her and he would hate to watch her suffer that anxiety along with the worry of Amber. With clear skies, Mitchell’s focus was on getting back to Adelaide to speak to the nephrologist at the Eastern Memorial. He knew that Adelaide had world-class renal facilities and he would turn every stone and make every call to ensure Amber had the best care. Amber and Jade now meant so much more to him than he had ever thought possible. Even if Jade didn’t want to pursue their relationship, he would always be there for the two of them, however that played out. He was certain it would be from a distance, but that didn’t matter. What mattered was Amber. Jade had caught a cab with Mitchell directly to the hospital as he had insisted on being present to discuss his niece’s medical condition with the specialist. ‘I can handle it,’ she told him tersely when they arrived at the Eastern Memorial. ‘I am fully aware that you can and do prefer to do things on your own. But I am here and I want to help if I can. I’m her uncle. I have a right to be there.’ ‘Just as you have been for the last three years?’ Mitchell ignored the remark. He knew it was deserved and he also knew that Jade was lashing out from fear. He refused to walk away and demanded to meet the renal specialist in his office before they saw Amber. ‘What’s the prognosis for Amber?’ Jade asked as she tried to pretend that Mitchell was not in the room. ‘Well, when the kidneys aren’t working well, symptoms are varied and may be the same as many other conditions, but when her grandfather, Dr Forrester, Senior, accompanied Amber here last night, he quickly alerted the staff and A and E about her situation. After the initial examination, the senior consultant contacted me immediately and Amber was transferred to the renal unit. ‘Amber, I note, has been feeling tired since arriving from the US, but I believe everyone put that down to jet-lag, which is understandable. She has also lost her appetite but, again, in a three-year-old that can be pickiness about food. But it was the swelling in the hands and the associated numbness that concerned Arthur so fortunately he drove her straight in to be seen and we immediately noted high blood pressure. We have tested her urine and it’s positive for protein and the bloodwork shows creatinine. As you know, healthy kidneys usually filter both. Her only working kidney is failing. We have her on dialysis now.’ Jade gasped, and Mitchell instinctively moved towards her but she shot him a look that told him everything. His arm dropped away, and Jade moved away to stand alone and receive the remaining news. ‘So are we looking at a transplant?’ Mitchell asked. ‘Yes, I’m checking the donor register now—’ the doctor began. ‘I want to be tested as soon as possible,’ Jade announced. ‘Family should prove a better match.’ The doctor nodded his head. ‘Sometimes but not always.’ Mitchell found Jade pacing the corridor outside Amber’s room a few hours later. She was back to the drab clothing again, which he suspected his mother had brought in for her. ‘How’s Amber?’ Jade looked in silence at Mitchell. She hated him for the choices she made when she was with him. First the motor bike ride and then … then making love in the tent when she should have been home with Amber. For the way he made her feel and the way she forgot her responsibilities in life. She couldn’t be around him. Not now and not in the future. People she loved got hurt when she didn’t think things through properly and that could never happen again. ‘What is it? Are you still angry for what happened between us? Because I’m not. Together we can help Amber.’ ‘Amber and I don’t need your help. We’ll be fine on our own.’ ‘I know you can cope on your own. You’re a strong woman, but you don’t have to take on everything alone and think Amber’s your sole responsibility. And you have this idea that everything bad that happens is your fault. And that if you behave in a certain way then everyone you love will be safe.’ ‘What’s wrong with that? I love Amber and want what’s best, and I know that if I don’t watch out for her then something bad can happen. Look where we are today.’ ‘That has nothing to do with you not looking out for Amber. You left her in the care of my stepfather, who is a retired medic, and he saw the signs and brought her straight to hospital.’ ‘But I should have been there.’ ‘Why? What possible difference would it have made?’ ‘Because it’s what Ruby would have wanted and what she would have done. She would have been there. She wouldn’t have run off to the bush and slept with a man she barely knew.’ ‘Stop trying to live your life as if you were Ruby. She was a wonderful woman and my brother loved her. But you’re not her. You’re an amazing woman in your own right. You have to stop living your life in the shadow of someone else.’ ‘I’m not now, nor was I ever amazing,’ she told him. ‘I was shallow and didn’t take life seriously. Hardly admirable qualities and definitely not good enough for Amber. She deserves so much more.’ ‘Having fun and loving life is not shallow in my book,’ he told her as he ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. ‘What Amber deserves is to know the real Jade. To see that the woman who willingly and selflessly put her life on hold to take care of her niece is not a serious, staid old spinster. Since when does having fun and living life make you less admirable? You didn’t hesitate to take on the role of bringing up your niece so I think that makes you extraordinary and you need to stop judging yourself. No one else is. You’re the judge and jury.’ ‘But Ruby was sensible and sweet and a warm and wonderful wife and homebody.’ ‘And you’re not Ruby.’ ‘She was my sister and I can be like her. I owe it to Amber to be like her mother.’ Jade knew even as she said it that it wasn’t true. She was nothing like Ruby and that was what troubled her most. How could she be everything Amber needed if she wasn’t like her sister? ‘Were you ever looking for a man like David?’ ‘That question is so wrong,’ she snapped. ‘David was my sister’s husband and he’s dead. How can you ask that question?’ ‘It’s not wrong. It goes to prove my point. Would you have ever seen a future with a man like my brother before the accident?’ ‘He was stable and considerate …’ ‘Was he your type before you became Amber’s guardian?’ ‘No, he was Ruby’s type.’ ‘Then stop trying to be Ruby. You’re a wonderful person, Jade, and you should let Amber and the rest of the world see the woman who is hidden inside this shell.’ ‘But I was irresponsible and crazy and nothing close to what Amber needs.’ ‘No, you weren’t, you aren’t and you never could be,’ he insisted. ‘You stepped up and became the best parent that Amber could hope for while you were still the old Jade. The accident didn’t give you time to reinvent yourself. You instantly and without hesitation did what you knew you had to do for your niece. And it was what you wanted to do. Nobody had to force you to do it. Dressing and behaving in a way that mimics your sister isn’t going to bring her back or make you a better person.’ ‘But you didn’t know me then, so you can’t pass that judgement.’ ‘I know you now. I know the real you. The woman who was saving those babies then climbing rocks and then sharing a makeshift bed in that tent with me. That was the real Jade.’ ‘Amber loves me the way I am now …’ ‘Amber loves the woman who would give her life to make her happy, the woman who has that little girl in her heart so deeply that she is a part of her, but she would love you no matter what the packaging. You don’t need to be someone else to have her love.’ ‘But her respect as she grows older is just as important.’ ‘Do you honestly think that a teenager is going to be able to relate to her maiden aunt looking and behaving like she stepped from a nineteenth-century novel?’ ‘I hardly dress or behave like that.’ ‘Jade,’ he said as his fingers softly moved the stray wisps of hair from her fringe, ‘you are behaving exactly like that. I’m not asking you to be someone you’re not, I’m asking you to be exactly who you are. A passionate, fun-loving woman who will raise Amber to be the best she can be and allow her to have fun and experience life at the same time. Not someone who will make her fear her own shadow.’ Jade flinched then moved her head away. ‘But what if something happens to her along the way? What if she’s hurt because I allow her to take a risk, to live life the way I did?’ Mitchell looked into the eyes of the woman he knew had crept into his heart. ‘You are here, you are alive, despite the fun you had. Ruby and David were cautious and safe and they are not here to raise Amber. I’m not judging them, they lived life the way they wanted to, but it shows that you can’t guarantee a long and healthy future by being pedestrian about life choices. Sure, you don’t make ridiculous choices that will put you in harm’s way but I don’t think surfing or a spin on a motorbike or a Ferris wheel ride are called dangerous by definition.’ ‘But Amber was admitted to hospital while I was away … with you. Walking in the bush and then sleeping together.’ ‘Yes, while you were away with me, not because you were away.’ ‘That’s the same thing,’ she argued. ‘Not even close,’ he returned. ‘You did nothing to cause Amber to be admitted. That was decided at conception. Genetics delivered her prognosis and now she needs a donor. It’s earlier than her doctor had envisaged, and earlier than any of us imagined. But you can’t take any blame for that, neither can I, or anyone in this world. It’s the hand that Amber was dealt and we will do our best to turn it around. And I want us to do it together.’ ‘But I need to behave in a way that will make Amber proud of me and look at me the way she would have looked at her mother. I took that away from her when I sent her parents on that holiday and now I need to make it up to her. Somehow I need to make sure that Amber doesn’t miss out on the upbringing that Ruby and David would have provided if I hadn’t …’ ‘Hadn’t what?’ he cut in angrily. ‘Caused the accident? But you didn’t, Jade. You weren’t the cause, it was some idiot on the 101 who caused the pile-up and the deaths of innocent people but you were not that person. You generously paid for a holiday for my brother and your sister and they both died. But you were not responsible.’ ‘You’re just trying to make me feel better, but I know the truth and I will spend my life making it up to Amber and trying to be as close as I can to the mother that she will never know.’ ‘So you’d rather be a poor impersonation of Ruby than a brilliant version of you?’ ‘It’s not like that,’ she retorted, tears spilling down her face. ‘I know that if I hadn’t suggested the trip they would still be here today to raise Amber a certain way, and that’s just what I’m doing.’ ‘That argument doesn’t hold any water for me,’ he said, holding her shoulders with his hands and forcing her to look into his eyes. ‘We don’t know what might have happened and whether they would still be alive now or not. Perhaps it was not their destiny to raise Amber. Maybe that was always going to be your role. Perhaps even my role too. Who knows? But we can’t change the past. We can just build on what we have. Don’t sell Amber short. Let her see the awesome woman you are, not some poor version of her mother.’ ‘I’ve managed so far and she seems to be doing okay,’ she retorted angrily. ‘I know what I’m doing and I’m doing a good job of raising her.’ ‘You won’t be able to keep it up.’ ‘And you would know that because?’ ‘Because you will burn out. You are trying to fool the most important person in your world—yourself. You can’t keep telling yourself it’s okay to live a lie. It will crush you because one day it will become too much. I know that from experience.’ ‘Loving Amber would never be too much,’ she spat angrily. His words cut her like a knife. ‘I’m not talking about Amber being too much. I mean the lie you are living, trying to be half the woman you really are. Suppressing how you feel, needing to live up to an unreal image that no one but you wants.’ ‘One night sharing a bed doesn’t mean you know me or have any right to tell me how to live my life. You told me yourself that you’ve spent the last decade running from anything close to resembling ties or responsibility. Last night was fun but I know in my heart there’s the chance you won’t stay around. I may be the only one who will be here for Amber after the dust settles. I can’t lean on you and have you leave me. And I won’t risk putting Amber through that. Just go now before she falls in love with you.’ Mitchell froze. His jaw clenched tightly. He hadn’t expected that judgmental side of Jade and it disappointed him. She knew what he had been through as a teenager. The sacrifices he had made to ensure there had been food on the table and the rent had been paid. He didn’t want to argue. There was no point. Jade had summed him up before they had met and despite everything they had been through and how close they had grown, deep down her opinion hadn’t changed. She didn’t trust him. But he had changed. He had fallen in love with the real Jade Grant. He wanted to see where it could lead. But he couldn’t live with a woman not true to herself. Jade had no intention of letting Amber see the real woman who had raised her. She wanted to wrap her in cotton wool and let her grow up scared of her own shadow, and Mitchell didn’t want to be part of a charade. ‘You’re right, Jade. I have no idea.’ His chin fell to his chest as he drew a deep and resonating breath and prepared to walk away from the only woman he had ever loved. There was no point arguing. She had won. She could go on living a lie but he wouldn’t and couldn’t be a part of it. He leaned in, and she closed her eyes as he tenderly kissed her cheek. A tear escaped from her eye and ran down her face as she watched the love of her life walk away with nothing she could do to stop him leaving. They were both trapped by their pasts. CHAPTER NINE (#ulink_a1c002fc-a88b-573f-9455-130c60b69864) ‘MY DARLING AMBER, you are loved more than you will ever know and you will pull through, and grow into a beautiful young woman who can travel the world, climb the highest mountains and find adventure. We’re all praying for you,’ Maureen said softly to her granddaughter, who lay sleeping peacefully in the hospital bed with the dialysis machine working through the night by her side. Jade had fallen asleep in the chair and woke to hear Maureen speaking to her granddaughter. She sat up and rubbed her neck, which was stiff from the awkward position she had been in when she’d dozed off. She was surprised to hear Maureen encouraging Amber to walk in her son’s wanderlust footsteps but she didn’t bother to set her straight. Amber would not be heading off for any adventures if she had anything to do with it. Especially not with her medical condition. Jade was angry with herself as much as Mitchell for the hard words they had spoken but they were all true. The night they had shared couldn’t change their destiny. Mitchell wanted her to be someone she had left behind. Someone she knew wasn’t good for Amber. ‘The nephrologist left about two hours ago,’ Jade said while still blinking open her tired eyes. ‘And Amber finally fell asleep about an hour ago. We were reading one of the books you brought in.’ It had been three days since Jade had slept in a proper bed. Although everyone had repeatedly suggested she take a break overnight, she’d refused. She didn’t want Amber to open her eyes and find an empty room. She had returned home to shower and change while Arthur had kept vigil. And she had eaten a quick meal that Maureen had insisted on before she’d left for the hospital again. ‘You really should let me stay tonight. I’m not past it, you know. I only just greeted my sixties.’ Jade knew Maureen’s offer was genuine but she didn’t want to be away from her niece at this critical time. ‘I’m fine, really. You have already done too much for me.’ ‘Hardly,’ Maureen returned, as she sat down next to Jade and patted her hand warmly. ‘You’re as stubborn as that son of mine. You two are so much alike. So ready to step up and try to fight battles on your own when there are people who want to help’ Jade didn’t have the energy to argue. She knew that she and Mitchell were polar opposites except for those few hours they’d shared in the tent that night. A time that Jade would never forget but also a mistake. An error of judgement on her part but one driven by the need to be reminded she was a woman. Maureen drew in a deep breath but kept her voice to little more than a whisper. ‘I remember all those years ago, when his father left us.’ Her face suddenly became quite serious as she began talking about the past. ‘Mitchell was barely fifteen and David was only nine. Their father had been gambling for a long time without my knowledge. He’d kept up a fa?ade for years and juggled money from one account to the other in an effort to keep up appearances when he lost, and then with a big win we would all head off on another extravagant holiday. One day he’d had enough of living two lives and juggling his gambling debts so he sent an email from his office that the marriage was over, he had someone else and he was moving on.’ Jade knew this was the more detailed version of what Mitchell had already told her. It didn’t change anything as she listened to Maureen. ‘But for us, there was more bad news to follow. Our family home was heavily mortgaged, the cars were repossessed by the finance company overnight, even my jewellery was missing when I thought at least I could sell that to help us make it through.’ ‘But wasn’t your husband responsible for any of the debt?’ ‘When everything was sold, we broke even. I didn’t have to file for bankruptcy but we walked away with very few possessions and I fell into a sad, dark place. Mitchell thought he had to be the strong one. He took everything on his shoulders as if he had to make it up to me and to his brother.’ Jade knew that was because he had seen his father with the other woman and had never told anyone. Except her. ‘When he overheard the landlord demanding the rent I just didn’t have one week,’ Maureen continued, ‘he decided that he would handle it all on his own. David was so young. He had no real concept of the damage that their father had done. He knew that I had to cancel his music lessons for a while, but Mitchell refused to let me cancel the maths tutor for his younger brother. Mitchell knew that David wanted to be a doctor and if his grades fell early in his schooling, Mitchell worried that David might not catch up so he paid the tutor from the money he earned working overtime.’ Suddenly David’s admiration for his older brother made sense. It had been a deep-seated and long-held admiration for what Mitchell had done many years before. Mitchell had given so selflessly at an age when most teenagers thought only of themselves. ‘Mitchell was gifted academically and didn’t need additional tuition and said that he could easily work and fit in his own study load and help David with his other school subjects. He would work long hours in the warehouse after the store had closed, and as much as I argued he refused to cut back until we were on our feet and had money in the bank so the rent was never behind again. We pooled our funds and paid the bills. David worked very hard with his maths so he didn’t let his brother down. They had so much love for each other.’ Jade felt a tear run down her face. Mitchell’s devotion to his family was deeper than just paying bills. It had been ensuring his brother and mother had been taken care of over his own needs. Such sacrifice at such an early age was very rare. Mitchell had been a very special young man who had taken on an enormous responsibility at a young age. ‘You must be proud of your sons.’ ‘Very, my dear, so very proud,’ she said, with tears in her own eyes. ‘And then I met Arthur.’ Jade’s mouth curved into a smile. ‘You deserved to be happy after what you had been through.’ ‘Thank you. Many women go through much worse than me, but there were a few lean years,’ she admitted. ‘Arthur asked me to marry him and by that time Mitchell was eighteen. He had finished school with an almost perfect score, and was a little battleworn so he took off on an adventure. I was happy for him but worried that what he had been through would affect him for a very long time. He headed off around Australia and spent many months in the Outback, then trekked through Indonesia and finally to Europe, where he backpacked for two years.’ ‘And grew a beard to look like a jungle hippy,’ Jade added. ‘Yes.’ Maureen nodded. ‘And he kept that beard for years, even when he came back to finish medical school and then specialise in neonatal. Arthur was a surgeon, so he encouraged Mitchell and helped where he could, but Mitchell was fiercely independent. He wanted to do it alone. I’m afraid after his father left he almost became an island. Learnt to depend on himself. I’ve been so worried that he would end up alone and that would be a waste of such a warm and generous heart.’ Jade nodded in silence. She knew he had a generous heart and she had experienced his warmth first-hand, but it didn’t lessen the risk of him leaving without warning. Or change his inability to commit. His father had scarred him but she couldn’t take a risk and be hurt. She felt sorry for him but she had to think about Amber. ‘His father really destroyed his idea of family and as much as Arthur and I have tried it just hasn’t made a difference. I’m not sure what it will take. Or who it will take to make him believe in love and family again.’ Maureen leant down and softly kissed her granddaughter goodnight. ‘Are you sure you won’t let me stay? Arthur is down speaking with one of his former colleagues and he can run you home for a hot shower and some sleep. I can sit with Amber tonight.’ ‘Thank you, Maureen, but I’m fine, really. I can get a rollaway if I want but I prefer to sit up, to be honest. I can’t really sleep anyway.’ Maureen patted her hand. ‘I’ll be back first thing in the morning, then. And I’ll bring some fresh clothes for you.’ Jade watched her leave the room and then turned to Amber sleeping peacefully and thought back to everything that Maureen had told her. It all fell into place. She wondered if Mitchell was trying to finally look past the devastation his father had left behind and reach out to her. Could she and Amber make him believe in love and family again? She wasn’t sure if he could. And she wasn’t prepared to take that risk. He might wake up one day and just decide it was too hard and leave. She fought sleep, her mind consumed with worry for Amber and the reality that she had pushed Mitchell away, probably for the last time. As her eyes finally closed she knew it was for the best. Mitchell didn’t belong in her world any more than she belonged in his. Morning finally came around and Jade woke just as Amber began to stir. Her eyelashes flickered and she made a little moan but quickly fell back to sleep again. Jade stretched and then went out to the nurses’ station to get some water. It was still early and the night shift nursing staff were finishing up paperwork. ‘I can get you a coffee if you’d like,’ one of the young nurses offered. ‘No need,’ came Maureen’s voice. ‘I picked up a long black for her on the way in.’ Jade saw the slightly tired, smiling face coming towards her with a coffee, something wrapped in a small white paper bag and an armful of clothing. ‘And I picked up a ham and cheese croissant to go with it.’ The two women walked back to Amber’s room, Jade sipping the hot drink. ‘It breaks my heart to see her this way,’ Maureen said, her expression turning to one of sadness. ‘How long will she need to stay on dialysis?’ ‘I’m checking today if I’m a tissue match and can be Amber’s donor. We’re both blood type O so we’re compatible on the first level so now we just need to undergo the HLA or tissue typing.’ Jade put the fresh clothes on the seat beside her and began to unwrap the croissant. ‘What does that mean?’ ‘Well, there are six antigens that have been shown to be the most important in organ transplantation. Of these six antigens, a child inherits three from each parent. It’s extremely rare outside identical twins for a six-antigen match between two people, but I hope that we may have more than one matching since I’m a blood relative. Kidneys can be transplanted between two people with no matching antigens without a rejection episode but if by chance we had the six matching antigens then it would mean less anti-rejection drugs for Amber.’ ‘That’s a little confusing but I guess it means if you match then you will have the surgery and Amber will receive your kidney?’ ‘There’s another test called a cross-match test and it’s a very important part of the living donor work-up and it’s repeated again just before the transplant surgery. Some of my blood and some of Amber’s blood will be mixed in the lab. If Amber’s cells attack and kill the donor cells, the cross-match is considered positive. This means Amber has antibodies “against” my cells, but if they don’t then the cross-match is negative and we’re considered compatible.’ ‘I think you are very brave to donate a kidney to Amber and she’s very lucky to have such a wonderful, generous aunt.’ Jade shook her head dismissively. ‘No, I’m the lucky one.’ The nephrologist arrived about twenty minutes later. Jade had finished her much-needed breakfast and changed into another skirt and blouse in the bathroom while Maureen watched Amber. Amber had woken and was able to be taken off the dialysis machine. She was uncomfortable and unsettled but happy that both Jade and Maureen were there. ‘I just need you to sign the final consent forms for Amber’s surgery.’ Jade was confused and she didn’t try to mask it from the doctor. ‘But I haven’t undergone the tissue matching yet. My appointment is later today.’ ‘We have a match already. The patient is being prepped and that’s why Amber was fasting overnight.’ Jade and Maureen both looked up to notice the sign by her bed. The nurse had come in while Jade had been asleep and put it up so the morning shift would not provide breakfast to the little girl. ‘I don’t understand. I thought family provided the best possible match. The doctor approached Jade. ‘As I said a few days ago, the likelihood of a perfect match other than an identical twin is about one in ten thousand. Well, it looks like we found our one in ten thousand so there is no need for you to be tested. We already have a perfect match for Amber. He’s being wheeled into Theatre as we speak.’ ‘How did you find the match? Was the person on file already?’ ‘No.’ The doctor hesitated. ‘Mitchell underwent the tests two days ago.’ Jade rushed into the ward to find Mitchell being prepped. ‘Why are you doing this?’ she asked. ‘I could have been a match and you wouldn’t have to go through this.’ ‘You’ve done enough for Amber already. Now it’s my turn.’ ‘This is ridiculous, Mitchell. I never expected you to be the donor. Regardless of the HLA results, if my cross-match is compatible then we can have the operation in the next few days.’ ‘I’m sure you could, but I’m compatible. End of story.’ Jade closed her eyes in disbelief and frustration. She didn’t need Mitchell to offer a kidney from a misguided sense of duty. He was free to leave. Jade knew she would never forget what they had shared but she would survive a broken heart. She didn’t want to trap Mitchell into staying. Or into taking on more than he wanted to or more than he could promise to do willingly. ‘Mitchell, I finally know you well enough to see that you are trying to fulfil some role you think you should, but you don’t. I’m a big girl and I can handle it. I’ve taken care of Amber since she was born. I can keep doing it.’ ‘But what if I don’t want you to handle it on your own? What if I want to be part of the solution? Don’t I get a say in it?’ Her voice was shaky. Amber was deteriorating by the day. They needed to find a donor but this could drastically change Mitchell’s life. It was not a small ask to donate a perfectly healthy functioning kidney. He loved to lead the life of a nomad. This might change things. She loved him too much to see him like a bird in a cage. ‘Let me get tested and if I’m a fail then maybe you can think about it, but don’t rush in to this surgery,’ she pleaded. ‘You don’t get it, do you? I’m doing this because I want Amber to have a long and happy life. I don’t want her tied to a dialysis machine. I want her to go skydiving, and windsurfing and anything else she wants to do. Just like you did and just like I did.’ ‘But she might not want to do those things.’ ‘That’s true, but if I can give her my kidney I’m giving her the option to have fun and be a little wild, like her aunty was when she was young … and still can be, if she wants to.’ ‘But I’m not young any more. I have responsibilities and I won’t let Amber down.’ ‘You could never let anyone down. It’s not who you are. You would step up to the plate no matter where you were or what you were doing. Even a blind man could see your devotion to Amber but you shouldn’t let it control and drive fear into every aspect of your own life. I’ve seen fun Jade, and I think it’s a waste to put her away for even one moment longer.’ ‘But I don’t want to be like that any more. Look what happened when I was irresponsible. Amber ended up in hospital.’ ‘Her genetic condition sent her to hospital. The fact we spent one amazing night together had no impact on Amber’s health. If you had been tucked up in the bed next to hers, she would still have needed hospitalisation, and you know that’s a fact. But it’s a fact you don’t want to face. Maybe because you think if you wrap her up in cotton wool and keep yourself near her, and behave more like her great-grandmother then nothing bad can befall her. It can, Jade. Good and bad things can happen to those we love and trying to control their lives won’t change what is destined to happen by way of their genetic make-up.’ ‘Why are you trying so hard to make me see things your way?’ she pleaded as she dropped her shaking head into her hands. ‘And why do you want to put yourself through all this? It may change your life and not for the better.’ ‘Because I believe in my heart that you won’t be happy without me and I won’t be happy without the real you. Not some cardboard cut-out of another woman. And because Amber deserves to have two loving parents.’ ‘What do you mean, two loving parents?’ ‘The two of us. I’m not going anywhere, Jade.’ ‘But you hate feeling trapped, you said it.’ ‘That’s true, and it still stands. I would never want to be trapped, but being with you and Amber is the opposite. It’s the only place in the world I want to be. It’s so far from being trapped … it’s being wanted, and needed and loved, and it’s a place I never want to leave. It’s the true meaning of family. If you’ll have me, I’ll stay for ever.’ ‘For ever … in one place … with us?’ ‘I would take more than for ever if I could. I love you, Jade, and I’m here to stay, albeit down one kidney in a few hours. But if you don’t want me minus a part, I’d understand.’ Jade didn’t want to fight her feelings any more. She leaned down to the man being wheeled into Theatre and kissed him with all her heart. ‘You’re perfect any way you come.’ EPILOGUE (#ulink_d627aaa6-2ff9-5618-85be-fa890ca3bcce) THE DATE MITCHELL and Amber chose to become husband and wife was one year to the day of the surgery to give Amber a healthy, happy life. With each passing minute Mitchell and Jade knew their love was growing stronger and would last for ever. Australian immigration had granted extensions to Jade’s and Amber’s visas on compassionate grounds. Amber had needed time to heal after the surgery and after six months she and Jade had returned to Los Angeles briefly to say goodbye to the kind neighbours who had been like family to them. While it had been sad for everyone, it had been a new beginning for Jade and Amber, and the lovely older couple were happy that the little girl would be with her real grandparents. Jade had packed up the house and put it up for lease. It was Amber’s home and for that reason Jade had chosen not to sell it. She wanted it to be there in case, as an adult, Amber wanted to spend some time in the city where she’d been born. A lovely family who had relocated from Sacramento, with two small girls and a golden Labrador, had moved in, and Jade felt sure her neighbours would shower the little girls with attention, just as they had Amber since she was born. Mitchell had proposed twice. Once to Jade with a solitaire diamond ring as they rode the Ferris wheel at Glenelg and then a week later he proposed that he and Jade adopt Amber. He didn’t want them to be just her legal guardians as he wanted all their children in the future to have the same mother and father. Amber was four and although she didn’t really understand what adoption meant, she loved the idea of having a mummy and daddy like the other children at pre-school. Jade was so deliriously happy she thought she would burst. And so the very special wedding date was set and the adoption papers were filed. And Maureen stepped into one of her happiest roles of her life … and one she had never thought would be hers … the role of wedding planner. The wedding guests chatted happily under the clear azure sky. They sat on white deck chairs in rows on the lawn, each chair decorated with a huge organza bow. The day was perfect, the guests had all arrived and the celebrant and solo violinist were both eagerly watching for movement from the small white marquee that held the bridal party. Maureen, beautifully designer dressed and beaming, emerged from the marquee in a mint-coloured silk suit and signalled with a subtle wave of her lace handkerchief. The solo violinist sat upright, adjusted his jacket and then began “Wedding March” by Felix Mendelssohn. All heads turned back to see Amber hug her grandmother before she took her first tentative step. She looked like a tiny angel in her ankle-length pastel pink silk dress. A circle of fresh rosebuds and gypsophila sat atop her blonde curls and a smile dressed her cherub-like face as she walked down the white carpet aisle, scattering rose petals with each tiny step. Mitchell’s mouth curved into an equally big smile as he caught sight of her. She was walking towards the jasmine-covered arbour where he stood with his groomsmen. His legs, hidden by the black designer suit, were shaking a little as the much-anticipated moment of his bride’s entrance drew closer. Amber tried to stay in time to the strains of the violin but she gave up and happily skipped the last few feet. ‘You look so pretty,’ Mitchell told her as he bent down and kissed her forehead then took her tiny hand in his. ‘You thould thee Mummy.’ She beamed. ‘She lookth like a printheth.’ ‘I bet she does.’ Alli and Laura appeared from the marquee in their floor-length pale pink silk bridesmaid’s gowns and slowly made their way to the arbour. The shoestring straps of their dresses were embellished with tiny crystals, their hair was softly curled and falling around their shoulders, and they each held posies of roses and gypsophila. All eyes were on them until moments later Arthur escorted Jade onto the white carpet walkway. Mitchell felt his heart stop for a moment. His wife-to-be was breathtakingly beautiful. Her cream silk dress clung to her body like a second skin. It was nothing close to a maiden aunt’s attire. The halter neckline was trimmed in crystals and her shaking hands held a posy of pink rosebuds. A delicate short veil skimmed her bare shoulders but allowed Mitchell and the wedding guests to see her beautiful smiling face. With short steps, she walked towards the man who had shown her that it was okay to be herself. The man who would not let her live a life carrying guilt or regret. The man who had captured her heart and given her love in return was waiting for her and holding the hand of the most precious little flower girl. His daughter. Each step brought her closer to the most important people in her universe. They were all she would ever need. Arthur finally released Jade’s hand to the security of Mitchell’s. ‘You look beautiful,’ Mitchell told her as he held her hand tightly. Jade smiled at her soon-to-be husband. With one hand holding Amber and the other firmly clasping Jade’s, the three of them stood before the celebrant. ‘We do,’ Amber suddenly called aloud. The guests all laughed at the little girl’s impromptu announcement, and Mitchell turned to face Jade with an overwhelming feeling of desire and love surging through his body. ‘I guess if Amber can’t wait … neither can I.’ Mitchell gently released Amber’s hand. Throwing tradition to the wind, he lifted Jade’s veil, swept her into his arms and just before his mouth met hers he whispered, ‘I will love you for ever, Mrs Forrester.’ Six-Week Marriage Miracle (#ulink_e73aef8b-42ba-5445-849c-177333d0aab2) Jessica Matthews To Judi Fennell for her Spanish language expertise. Any errors are my own. To adoptive and foster parents across the world. Your generous spirit is truly an inspiration to all of us. CHAPTER ONE (#ulink_b86ce499-76d5-5362-8640-696b95e71381) “ANOTHER ambulance is coming.” Leah Montgomery didn’t spare her nursing colleague a glance as she stripped the used hospital sheets from the bed. “Tell me something I don’t already know,” she said wryly. “The moon was full when we came to work this morning.” Although it wasn’t a scientific fact, hospital staff the world over recognized and accepted that full-moon shifts were the proverbial shifts from hell. So far, this was shaping up to be one of them. Everything from car wrecks, heart attacks, lawn mower accidents, and simple sore throats had flooded the Spring Valley ER on this hot August day. While many of her staff bemoaned the extra workload, she didn’t mind the increased pace at all. Being busy kept her mind off things she didn’t want to think about—things like her husband’s plane crashing in the Mexican jungle a month ago today. Or the report stating that there were no survivors, which meant Gabe was dead. Dead! After four painfully long weeks, it still seemed surreal, as if she might wake up some morning and discover she’d simply had a horrible nightmare. To her disappointment, each day was like the one before—the facts hadn’t changed overnight. Neither did they change when she worked until she was too exhausted to reflect on the losses in her life. If her boss would allow it, she’d cover more shifts than her PRN status allowed in order to keep her demons at bay. She was willing to do anything to stay busy until time took away the anguish over her last conversation with Gabe—the one where she’d asked to make their separation permanent with a divorce. Some might call her crazy, others might say she was being silly and sentimental, but the truth was, she was mourning for Gabe on so many levels. Grieving that his vibrant life had been cut short at age thirty-eight; grieving that their marriage had reached an impasse; grieving for the loss of their dreams and missed opportunities. Was it any wonder she needed the fast pace of the hospital, the steady stream of new patients and drama as a life raft she could climb aboard? “I hear Maternity is swamped,” Jane rattled on, blithely unaware of Leah’s inattention. “They’re so packed with new moms, they’re overflowing into the med-surg unit.” She unfolded a fresh sheet and began tucking the corners under the mattress. Leah pictured a nursery filled with bassinets of sleeping babies wearing pink or blue stocking hats, the hallway crowded with beaming fathers and proud grandparents while new mothers, some having already forgotten the pain of childbirth, looked on benevolently. She didn’t begrudge the new families their happiness, but a familiar pang of disappointment shot through her chest. At one time, she’d imagined herself in similar circumstances, with her parents waiting for their first peek at her child while Gabe passed out the bubblegum cigars and strutted as only a new father could. She’d fallen pregnant almost immediately after they’d decided it was time to start their family, making that dream seem like a sure thing and easily within her grasp. In her mind, and Gabe’s, the future couldn’t have been brighter. Life, however, had rewritten her beautifully scripted scene. Instead of joining the ranks of other new mothers, she’d become one of a small percentage of women who became a gynecological emergency. Shortly after entering her last trimester of an unremarkable pregnancy, her placenta had separated without warning. She’d lost the baby as well as her hopes for future children when profuse and unstoppable bleeding had necessitated a hysterectomy. Afterwards, she’d been whisked away to the surgical floor where babies weren’t seen or heard. Her parents had been there for her, of course, but pity, not pride, had shown on their faces. As for Gabe … he’d been on one of his occasional trips for the Montgomery family’s medical foundation. He’d come as soon as her parents had called him, but time zones and flight schedules had prevented his return until the day she was ready to be released. “I just love to stop and peek at the newborns,” Jane gushed. “They have such cute little wrinkled faces.” Suddenly, she stopped short. “Oh, Leah. Here I am, babbling on so insensitively about babies after everything you’ve been through. First a miscarriage, then the adoption fiasco—” Leah cut off her friend’s reminder of their failed foray into the world of adoption. After her surgery, still hazy from the grief of her loss, Gabe had convinced her to think about adoption and then so many things had fallen into place with amazing speed—Gabe’s lawyer had known a young woman who’d wanted to relinquish her baby. They’d hurriedly filled out the necessary paperwork and completed the required governmental home studies and background checks. The entire time the birth mother had been adamant about her choice—she was making the right decision for both her and her unborn child. Yet when the hour arrived for Leah and Gabe to pick up the baby from the hospital, the young woman had changed her mind and Leah had once again driven home empty-handed. Leah couldn’t fault the girl for her change of heart—it had to be difficult to relinquish one’s child, especially after seeing that tiny person for the first time—but understanding didn’t take away her gut-wrenching disappointment. “It’s okay,” she lied. “I don’t fall apart just because someone talks about babies or mentions how cute they are.” Admittedly, they were, but seeing those adorable little faces was tough, which was why she never, ever, entered the secured area to stare at them through the plate-glass window. Why add insult to injury? she’d rationalized. “I know, but—” “It’s okay,” Leah repeated, as much for her own benefit as Jane’s. “Honestly.” Jane nodded, but the worried wrinkle between her eyes suggested her good-mood bubble had burst. Determined to regain their easy footing, Leah thought it best to gently steer the conversation in another direction, for both their sakes. “OB isn’t the only busy department in this place,” she commented as she tucked a fitted sheet around a corner of the mattress. “Our daily patient census is above average across the entire hospital and we both know our ED visit numbers are up, too. The extra business should make the bean counters happy.” “Maybe this year we’ll get a Christmas bonus for a job well done,” Jane responded hopefully. Word from the last supervisors’ meeting was that the possibility was remote, but Leah wasn’t going to rain on Jane’s picnic. “Maybe, but, bonus or not, more patients means more nursing staff are necessary, which means I work more often.” Jane paused from working on her own two bed corners. “Look, hon,” she said kindly. “I know you’re probably feeling guilty because you’d never resolved your differences with Gabe, but killing yourself now that he’s gone, working sixty-plus hours a week, isn’t the way to cope.” “I’m not killing myself,” Leah protested mildly, pointedly ignoring Jane’s opinion about her reasons for the pace she’d set for herself. “I’m merely keeping busy. Just like I have for the past year.” “Keeping busy is one thing. Doubling your hours is another.” “Okay, so I am working a few more hours,” Leah conceded reluctantly, “but I was off duty yesterday and I spent the day puttering around the house. And then I treated myself to dinner and a movie.” “Dinner and a movie?” Jane’s eyes brimmed with curiosity. “Did you finally put Jeff out of his misery and go on a date?” About six months ago, Dr. Jeff Warren, one of Spring Valley’s ED physicians, had invited her to a concert, then a community theater play. Both times she’d declined, not because she didn’t enjoy his company or didn’t want to attend those particular events. No, she’d gently refused his invitation because in spite of being separated from her husband of ten years, going out with another man while she was still officially married made her feel as if she was cheating. Which was why she’d wanted Gabe’s signature on those divorce papers. It was past time to stop expecting a miracle and start thinking about the future—her future—instead of the past. As it had turned out, she didn’t need his signature after all. Leah shot her friend a spare-me look. “Are you kidding?” she asked. “I haven’t even buried Gabe and you’re asking if I’m seeing Jeff?” “Buried or not, you’ve been separated for over a year,” Jane reminded her. “It’s time to move on.” “I will,” Leah promised. “But I can’t until I’ve dotted all my ‘i’s and crossed all the ‘t’s.” Jane rolled her eyes. “What’s left to dot and cross? From what you’ve said, his body may never come home.” How well she knew that. The Mexican authorities had reported the discovery of the airplane’s charred remains in a ravine. They lacked the resources to recover the bodies and in their bureaucratic minds the burned-out shell of the aircraft made it pointless to do so. Undaunted, and after greasing palms for several weeks, Gabe’s second-in-command Sheldon Redfern had received permission to send in a private recovery team. As of yesterday, they hadn’t reported any more encouraging news than what the authorities had already shared. Their success, however, wasn’t the reason she was dragging her feet … “The annual foundation fund-raiser is coming up in a few months,” she pointed out. “It seems tacky to plan a tribute to my deceased husband while I’m dating someone else.” Their relationship may have been rocky the last two years and she might be finally ready to look for male companionship and find romance again, but in honor of the good times and the love they’d once shared, she owed it to Gabe to wait. “Did you tell that to Jeff?” She nodded, remembering their conversation. He’d been so understanding, which not only came as a relief but also endeared him to her all the more. “He’s agreed to give me time,” she said, deciding not to mention that she’d set their first official date for the Saturday night after the fundraiser. If Jane knew that, she’d be bouncing off the walls with excitement and Leah didn’t want to see her sly smiles and winks in the meantime. Jane stared at her thoughtfully. “Personally, I think you’re worried too much about what other people think, but another month or two won’t make much difference. Just be sure your decision to stay out of the dating game is based on the right reasons.” “What other reason could I have?” Jane shrugged. “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe that you still love Gabe and are waiting for the ultimate proof that he won’t be coming back.” “Don’t be ridiculous.” She avoided her friend’s gaze because she didn’t want Jane to recognize what she herself refused to dwell on or admit. “If I loved him, why would I have moved out?” “You tell me. I just don’t want you to be stuck on hold for the rest of your life.” “I’m not,” Leah insisted. “I’m merely being cautious. There’s no sense rushing into something I might come to regret.” She grabbed a fresh cotton blanket and shook it out of its folds with a decisive snap, effectively signaling an end to their conversation. “Do you know what’s coming in next?” Jane shook her head. “All I heard was that they were bringing in three from the airport.” “The airport?” She considered for a moment. “Bigwigs, no doubt.” “What makes you say that?” “It’s probably food related and the only folks who get food on a plane are seated in first class. And who usually can afford to sit in first class?” “Ah.” Jane’s eyes gleamed. “Bigwigs.” “Exactly.” “You’re stereotyping, you know. Regular people buy first-class tickets, too.” Leah flashed her a wide smile. “Okay, so I’m generalizing but, mark my words, it won’t be three average Joes who roll into our ambulance bay. They’ll be fellows wearing suits and ties, carrying briefcases and BlackBerrys, and wanting a magic pill to fix whatever ails them. Oh, and can we hurry because they’re already late for a meeting.” Jane laughed, probably because Leah’s scenario had actually taken place often enough to become a legend in the ER. “We’ll find out if you’re right in about three minutes. Marge wants us to be on the dock, ready to go.” As the emergency department’s nurse manager, Marge Pennington was a person who believed in keeping busy every minute, so it seemed odd she would ask them to waste time waiting. Her request only seemed to substantiate Leah’s prediction of several Very Important People arriving on this transport. “Far be it from me to argue,” she said, although it bothered her to think Marge was willing to discard her normal habits in order to impress people with money. Having married into a family with the Midas touch, Leah had always been leery of people who didn’t treat her as they would anyone else. “According to her, the person radioing in specifically asked for you.” Leah’s eyes widened. “Me? Why me?” Jane shrugged. “Maybe it’s someone you know from Gabe’s trust organization.” Leah mentally ran through her list of regularly generous contributors to the Montgomery Medical Charitable Foundation. As chairwoman of the annual fund-raising ball, which would take place in six weeks, she was acquainted with nearly all of the supporters, but none knew she worked in the Spring Valley Hospital Emergency Department. “Impossible,” she said. Jane shrugged. “Who knows? In any case, I’m only following Marge’s orders and if you know what’s good for you, you will, too.” Marge wasn’t the easiest charge nurse to work for, but she was a model of efficiency and a brilliant nurse. No one, not even the hospital’s CEO, crossed her when she was in battle mode. Leah gave the bed a final pat, pleased with their results. “Okay, then. Let’s go. I can use a few minutes of fresh air while we’re waiting.” She grinned. “Just think, we might even get to sit and rest our weary feet.” Outside, Leah did exactly as she’d hoped to. Ignoring Jane and the two extra staff who’d joined them with wheelchairs and an extra stretcher, she sat on the concrete loading dock and dangled her legs over the edge as she breathed in the fresh air and soaked up the heat. If only the summer sun would chase away the coldness inside her—the same coldness that had settled into every cell, the same coldness that had taken hold ever since she’d realized Gabe’s plane had gone down with her request for a divorce ringing in his ears. She’d agonized for weeks over taking their separation to its logical conclusion before she’d contacted a lawyer, but they’d lived apart for nearly a year. After the adoption had fallen through, they’d simply shut down. It was understandable, she supposed. They’d been obsessed with the baby when she’d been pregnant, and then they’d focused exclusively on adopting a child. Their marriage had been so driven toward that end goal that their sudden failure had simply sidelined their relationship. Consequently they’d drifted apart until the only solution had been to ask for a change of scenery. She’d wanted time and space to redefine what she wanted out of life and, more importantly, she wanted Gabe to have the same. A year later, she’d finally faced the facts. Remaining in their legal limbo wasn’t doing either of them any favors. They both needed the freedom to pursue their dreams—she wanted companionship and Gabe wanted a family. Although she hated the idea of Gabe finding a woman who could give him what she couldn’t, it had seemed silly, selfish and almost spiteful to keep him from his heart’s desire. With the stroke of a judge’s pen, they would end their estranged state and could move on with their lives. To start over, as it were. In the end, her altruistic decision had been wasted. Fate had stepped in and had the last laugh at their expense before he could sign the papers dissolving their marriage. Before he’d created the family he’d always wanted. Since then, she’d told herself on a daily basis to stop beating herself over everything from procrastinating to her bad timing. After all, divorced or widowed, she was still alone. Alone or not, though, it pained her to imagine what final thoughts had run through Gabe’s head. No doubt his last one of her had involved the unpleasant scene when she’d asked for a divorce. Some would say she was being too hard on herself. Others would say she was worrying over nothing. After all, if she wanted to completely sever their matrimonial ties, why did she care what his last thoughts of her had been? In one corner of her heart, she’d wanted Gabe to realize their marriage needed as much attention as he gave his family’s charitable foundation, but if he’d entertained any regrets during his final moments, she’d never know. Chances were, she repeated to herself for the millionth time, he hadn’t thought of her at all … Jane straightened, her gaze riveted in the distance. “Looks like they’re about two blocks away.” She glanced at her watch. “Right on time, too.” Leah slowly got to her feet then brushed the seat of her scrub pants. “I wish we knew what we were getting,” she fretted. “We’ll find out soon enough.” A black Lexus squealed to an abrupt stop in the aisle of the parking lot. Apparently the driver didn’t care about the traffic snarl he’d created. “Security is going to eat him alive,” Leah commented. “Maybe you should tell him.” The ambulance pulled in and began backing up to the dock, its warning beeps intermingling with the other city noises. “He’ll have to take his chances,” Leah said. “We have things to do and people to see.” As the ambulance inched backwards, Leah heard someone call her name. A familiar figure, Sheldon Redfern had jumped out of the Lexus and was running toward her. “Leah,” he panted. “Wait!” “Sheldon, what are you doing here?” she asked, amazed to see him. “I have to tell you—” The ambulance braked. “Save it for later,” she ordered. “I’m busy right now.” “This can’t wait.” He grabbed her arm at the same time she saw Jane twisting the handle to open the back door. “Sheldon,” she protested. “I have work to do.” “Leah,” he urged. “It’s about Gabe and the search team we sent.” Instinctively, her heart sank. Sheldon’s eagerness to contact her only meant one thing. “They finally located his remains,” she said dully, feeling her chest tighten and a painful knot clog her throat as her eyes dimmed with sudden tears. For all the problems they’d had, she hadn’t wanted anything so drastic and so final Конец ознакомительного фрагмента. Текст предоставлен ООО «ЛитРес». Прочитайте эту книгу целиком, купив полную легальную версию (https://www.litres.ru/pages/biblio_book/?art=51679702&lfrom=688855901) на ЛитРес. Безопасно оплатить книгу можно банковской картой Visa, MasterCard, Maestro, со счета мобильного телефона, с платежного терминала, в салоне МТС или Связной, через PayPal, WebMoney, Яндекс.Деньги, QIWI Кошелек, бонусными картами или другим удобным Вам способом.