The Art of Being You

The Art of Being You SRI SRI PUBLICATIONS All of us are looking for happiness, love and moments of peace in our lives. In this positive and life-altering book, Sri Sri Ravi Shankar reminds us that we carry within ourselves what we are seeking in the world. With gentleness and humor,Sri Sri describes the habits and patterns of behavior that cause us to lose our joy and tells us how we can find that joy again. Ultimately, this is a deeply practical book that can uplift and heal—not only each of us as individuals, but potentially the entire planet. —CAROL KLINE, co-author of the New York Times bestsellers Happy for No Reason, and Love for No Reason A magnificent, heartfelt rendition of the early teachings of His Holiness Sri Sri Ravi Shankar on the art of being one’s self, living up to one’s potential and embracing and loving life. Tools are provided to help make this happen. Those of you who first meet Sri Sri through Judith will understand why millions around the world respect his wisdom. — MYRON S. SCHOLES, Nobel Laureate in Economics An insightful guide to the practice of being contemplative—to being fully present in the present moment. This book is simple and readable and yet profound. Because I believe the art of contemplative living is the key to our personal and collective futures, I see this as a very important book. —SISTER DONALD CORCORAN, OSB cam, Writer, Lecturer, Prioress of Transfiguration Monastery Praise For The Art of Being You Judith Clark has patiently gathered the teachings of the living master, His Holiness Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, and lovingly organized, amplified, and celebrated them. The result is a treasure of uplifting insight and inspiration, filled with practical answers to the questions of life and spirit. Her gift is that she has made his wisdom so accessible to us, so able to soothe, reassure, and enliven us. This is a book to be kept close at hand and dipped in regularly, a book as refreshing as a spring breeze. —PETER STRANGER, Communications Executive and Environmental Activist This surprisingly practical book reminds us that peace and strength are found within. It calms the mind and refreshes the soul. Pick it up, put it down and return to it often—it is a wellspring of helpful hints for living in our modern-day world. —SCOTT SQUILLACE, Founder, Squillace & Associates, P.C. This is not the kind of book I usually read, but when, by chance, I did pick it up, I read it straight through. There is something wonderful on every page. —ALAN HEBEL, Founder, the Book Designers Judith Clark has created a wonderfully accessible book presenting the life teachings of His Holiness Sri Sri Ravi Shankar. These teachings move beyond the boundaries of our separate faith traditions into a deep understanding that even as we all belong to God, so are we all in the process of journeying more deeply into God. This book is a gift which will help the reader do just that—simply, joyfully and peacefully. —ALICE MINDRUM, Episcopal Priest Illuminating and inspiring. The Art Of Being You is a profound yet accessible discourse on consciousness, and an invaluable guide on how to live the best life. —EILEEN GREGORY, Co-Founder of Innergy, Documentary Filmmaker Don’t miss this book—it will make every day a better day. —AUSTIN MYERS, Motion Picture Costume Designer THE ART OF BEING YOU COMING HOME TO THE LOVE, JOY AND PEACE THAT YOU ARE A PRESENTATION OF THE WORDS AND WISDOM OF His Holiness Sri Sri Ravi ShankarBy Judith Clark SRI SRI PUBLICATIONS TRUST The Art of Being You 1 Edition: October 2011 Copyright 2011 © All rights reserved. ePub Converted by Verse Innovation Pvt. Ltd, Bangalore No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or any information storage orretrieval system without prior permission in written form from the publisher. eISBN: 978 9 351 06639 2 Sri Sri Publications Trust, The Art of Living International Centre, 21 km, Kanakapura Road, Udayapura, Bangalore - 560 082 Phone: 080-32722473 Email: [email protected] (mailto:[email protected]) Website: store.artofliving.org For Addison, Jared and Nathaniel, and all the children of the world. Acknowledgments My deep appreciation to those who have supported the creation of this book from its beginning: Katherine, John and Chandler Clark; Peter and Camille Stranger; John Osborne; my friends and spiritual companions at St. Mary’s of the Harbor; and Birjoo Vaishnav. My appreciation also goes to Mary Gates and Janet Reinhart for their contributions to the text, to Terry Hiller and Hal Zina Bennett for their editorial counsel, and to Rejean FaFard and Patrick Milot, who recorded many of the words in this book. And lastly, my unbounded gratitude goes to His Holiness Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, who has graced my life with his presence, wisdom and love. Judith Clark The object of spiritual life is to be amazed, to say, “Wow!” and wake up to the fullness of life here and now. —SRI SRI RAVI SHANKAR Foreword by Judith Clark Some twenty years ago, at a time when few people in the United States or in the world knew who Sri Sri Ravi Shankar was, he offered to come to my home in Connecticut and gave a talk. I gathered some friends in my living room that evening to listen to him. When he had spoken for a while, he asked if anyone had a question. I did. He had been explaining the importance of being with your feelings and that greatly troubled me. I was in psychotherapy at the time, where the guiding principle was ‘Be With Your Feelings’, but I had found that some feelings were too big and too overwhelming to allow in. I could not sit with them (I had tried!) and I did not want to. Now His Holiness Sri Sri Ravi Shankar was sitting on my living room sofa and saying, “Be with your feelings.” When he asked if there were any questions, I raised my hand. “What if that is hard to do?” I asked—putting it mildly. He responded by explaining—how to sit with feelings and go fully through them—exactly what I did not want to hear. I was reluctant to press my point, but inside my question was still burning. Sri Sri talked some more and then asked, “Are there any other questions?” Without a pause, he added, “Judy has a question.” He knew! Emboldened, I restated my question. “What if the feelings are so powerful— frightening actually— that you cannot let them in?” He countered my question with another question: “How did you feel at that time?” As I thought about that, the feeling itself came back and, to my own surprise, I heard myself say, “Helpless.” “The feeling of helplessness is the beginning of true prayer,” he replied with a gentle smile. The unexpected words brought a rush of relief. Helplessness was not the dead end as I had seen it to be, but a beginning place, a place where, I came to find, I had little to fear. This book is based on the surprising wisdom offered by a man who walked into my life, without a context for me to put him in. His very figure—flowing white robes banded with gold trim, sandals, long black hair and beard—made him appear different from me and from anyone else I knew. Yet he reflected back to me a sense of myself that had been missing for a very long time. As the time passed I found myself being led, through his words and his presence, to look at a great heart and find there the possibilities for my own. “All that you see in me, you will find in yourself also,” he would say. What began with words had expanded in experience. The breathing practices and meditation that he taught led me to a growing sense of wonder and the familiarity of inner quietness, even to moments of transcending name, time and place, and to feel happy for no reason. HOW THIS BOOK CAME TO BE Sri Sri (as he is known) speaks somewhere in the world almost every day. It was my good fortune to hear many of his first talks, and, because he asked me to edit some of them, I had a reason to go over his words again and again. Those are words that have transformed the way I see myself and others, words that offer the possibility of peace to each one of us and to this troubled world. Because they have opened my heart and changed me, and because Sri Sri has asked me to, I have gathered his words together and created this book. I have provided transitions and examples where needed, but the words are basically his; an offering of wisdom that joins a long line of ancient sages who came before him. This ultimately practical book calls you to fully experience who you are. It is Sri Sri’s gift to you. Enjoy unwrapping it. SUGGESTIONS FOR READING THIS BOOK This book is for you…where you are and as you are in your life right now. You may be feeling something is missing. Consider the possibility that nothing is missing, that there is nothing you lack. This is a book to wonder upon. If you read Chapter One first, it will ground you in the amazing reality of who you are. Then you can either read it in sequence or be led by what interests you or by questions you may have. Keep the book nearby—on top of the TV, in your gym bag, by your bed—where you can easily pick it up and thumb through it. Your eyes may fall on words that seem to speak directly to you. If you find places that offer you comfort, you may want to rest there awhile. You may choose to revisit pages you have already read and perhaps find something you missed the first time around. You may also want to interrupt your reading and allow time for some new understanding to be absorbed. From time to time, consider choosing one suggested action among the many that you will find here and incorporate it into your day. Forgive yourself for any mistake that you have made, stop blaming and complaining, let go of a past event that you have been regretting. As you do this, the words you read here will drop down from your head to your heart and you will more easily experience the love, joy, happiness, beauty and truth that you are. What you know is of the greatest value when you apply it to your life. You may be amazed by what then happens. As our tiny eyes can capture the vast sky, this body can reflect infinite being. This is possible here and now for everyone. —SRI SRI RAVI SHANKAR Chapter One An Introduction to Your Self You are searching the world, looking for what you carry within. One day you may experience an unfamiliar restlessness, a stirring within you. You may start to wonder about yourself and about your life. You push the feeling away, but it comes back again. Questions arise up in your mind: What am I doing here? What do I want out of life? Am I missing something? Who am I, really? These are important questions. They mark an awakening, the beginning of a quest—the quest to know yourself and your place in this universe. Count yourself fortunate if you are growing in the awareness of this dimension of life, or deepening your experience of it. Don’t be in a hurry to find answers to your questions. One who is wise will not answer them for you. If anyone offers an answer, you would be wise to choose to stay with your question and wait for the answer to come on its own. Your questions are for you and you alone. Just be with them. They are sufficient to take you deep into yourself. They are the vehicle that will take you into that center core of your Being called ‘the Self’. Every soul, every growing soul, knowingly or unknowingly, longs to make the journey back to the Self. You may have experiences of this Self—a few seconds, a few minutes that seem to exist outside of time; a moment when the ordinary glows with beauty; the feeling of flowing out, perhaps, of having no boundaries. When these experiences come—believe in them. They are a reflection of your Self. The Self is spirit in its purest form—eternal and unlimited spirit as it dwells in every individual. “Resting in the Self” refers to the experience of being centered in the spirit within. There you are aware of your oneness with the whole—with God and all of God’s creation. An experience of Self is more likely to happen when stress, tensions, worries and anxieties are lifted from the mind. Prayer and meditation are helpful in coming to that experience. Until this realization happens, until you have the experience of the pure, vast, blissful Self within you, you are moving through life holding a beautiful gift without unwrapping it. All the charm and joy you see in the world is just wrapping paper—colorful and glittery. Inside you is the real gift-divinity itself. When you begin to wonder about yourself, about your life, when you begin to look for something bigger, something more, the journey has begun. With patience and perseverance, it will lead you to experience life in its fullest and richest form. Count yourself fortunate if you are awakening to this dimension of life, or are desiring to deepen your experience of it. In the center core of you, you are only bliss and love— nothing else. WHO ARE YOU? When you meet someone for the first time, how do you introduce yourself? Do you talk about the work you do or who you are, in relation to someone else—I am so and so’s spouse or friend or brother? Do you mention where you live, where you went to school, what organizations or what church you belong to? All these things are subject to change. Today you are a teacher. Tomorrow you could be a cook! You have played many roles in life—you have been a student, an employee, a son or a daughter, a caretaker, a patient in bed—but you are much more than the sum total of all these roles. When you identify yourself with a role you are playing, you are fragmented, your life is compartmentalized and you are unaware of your full potential. You need a right vision of who you are. You are not your relationships or the roles you play. You are not the sum of your thoughts and opinions; your changing moods; the feelings that rise and fall. These things come on their own and go on their own. It is your very nature to be joyful, peaceful and loving, and that remains the same for all eternity. That is who you are. We think of love and joy and peace as emotions, but they are not emotions. They are states of being and they are always available. When you understand how to handle your negative emotions and thoughts (Chapter Three), you have taken a big steps toward being able to restore and maintain the love, joy and peace that you are. When you see that these qualities are the very essence of who you are—your heart will open more fully. Everything is changing, isn’t it? Moods come on their own, stay for a while and go on their own. Different feelings rise and fall. Your opinions change, your body changes. In that moment, when you recognize that things are changing, you can be sure - there is something that is not changing. If you can observe change, then something opposite to it—something that can be called ‘non-change’—must also exist. Could you recognize love if you had not known hate? Or plenty if you had not known lack? In the same way, if you can observe change, there has to be something that is not changing. That something, that is not changing is the essence of who you are—it is your nature to be joyful, peaceful and loving, and that remains the same for all eternity. This unchanging aspect of you may be called the Self. This book, The Art of Being You, is an exploration of ways to come back to your Self, your true home, and experience the love, joy and peace that you are. When you identify yourself by your nationality or your religion, it serves some purpose, but this is not the final truth. In divine creation the whole world is united. The search for this unity is the real spiritual journey. Today wars and conflicts are happening all over the world in the name of religion. When people take a position: I am a Muslim or a Christian or a Jew; I am a Hindu or a Sikh or a Buddhist; and those who are not what I am, are not mine—division and conflict arise. It is fine to be proud to be an American or Mexican, Indian or Pakistani. With right understanding, these identities need not create division and separation. Unfortunately, misunderstanding has divided human beings and torn apart society. In these circumstances, the values of unity, love and peace are lost. It is important to see that the identity we all share is that we are part of divinity and part of the whole human family. When the things that All human beings have within themselves the ability to experience God. distinguish us from one another—race, gender, nationality, religious tradition— are seen as subordinate to these two. When we have this understanding of who we are first, before our ethnic, religious, economic, or national identifications— separation does not happen and violence does not come up. Instead, when we see who we really are, compassion and generosity spring up. Then we can celebrate and enjoy all that we are; including that which makes us different from one another. WHO IS GOD? We are talking about the greatest of mysteries when we attempt to speak of God; mystery that which is partly revealed and partly veiled—is an affair of the heart. We come to know God the same way, we come to know love. Though we have never seen love, we know with certainty that love exists, because we have experienced it. God can best be known through experience—perhaps a moment of deep silence, an unexpected feeling of peace, a sense of an unseen presence... The limitations of language become very evident when we talk about our relationship to God. The word relationship implies—two separate entities have become linked in some way. Instead if we say that we are always connected to God, again there is a problem with regard to language. Connection also implies that two entities, which were once separate and now have been brought together. This is not so. There is no possibility of existing separately from God. What happens when we perceive separation from God or from other people— we fall into an us-them mentality? First, division comes. When there is division, fear comes. In Sanskrit, perhaps the oldest language of the world, the word used for fear means ‘two’. In reality, there is no ‘two’. Separation does not exist. You cannot separate God from any of God’s creation. Separation is an illusion created in the mind. When you recognize that you and God are one; all of God’s creation is one whole—fear vanishes. WHAT IS SPIRIT? When you feel very happy, have you noticed that something in you expands? When you are upset or angry or sad, have you noticed a feeling of contraction? Something in you shrinks? What is this something that feels as if it is expanding or contracting? It is the spirit. When you feel expansive and happy, when you feel energetic, that is the spirit. When you feel down and your energy drops, you are not experiencing the spirit. There are certain qualities that are associated with spirit. We can call them spiritual values. Here is a short list: We all carry these qualities within us. They only need to be skillfully kindled. Just by paying your attention on them with sincerity and without being hard on yourself, you will enhance them in your life and in the lives of others. There is no lack of love, no lack of anything, whatsoever in you. According to an ancient story, there was a beggar who sat every day on a particular spot. When he died, the people in his village said that he had spoiled the piece of land where he sat every day. “Let us dig out the mud from here and throw it away,” they said. When they broke down his small hut and started digging where he used to sit, they found a box full of treasure. The poor beggar spent his whole life in poverty, if he had dug down just a little bit, he could have been a wealthy man. Each one of us has come into this world to contribute, to express love, joy and peace, that we are, but we can remain unaware of our wealth for whole lifetime. Count yourself fortunate if you have awakened to the reality of who you are. WHAT YOU CAN DO How to get back to your Self? Wanting to get back— having a passion to get back—is the first step, the first qualification. When you close your outside door, an inner door opens. When you keep thinking about people, situations and the circumstances of your life, you will be completely lost in that. Just for a little while, shut that outside door. Don’t think, “This person is bad, that person said something unkind.” In this you are lost. When you shut the door to these things, an inner door opens and one day there will be only love. That’s all. Innocence, goodness and love. WHAT MORE YOU CAN DO Which of the spiritual values that were listed earlier are important to you? Is there any value on the list that surprises you—something that you wouldn’t have thought of as spiritual? Would you add anything? Make your own list by circling qualities that you would like to increase in your life and in the world. Add qualities that you observe in others and yourself, which you value. You might want to choose one quality from your personal list and focus on expressing that in your life for sometime. Be sincere. Let what you do or say come from your heart. Then take note of how you feel when you have expressed yourself in this way. Also notice—how the people around you respond. These spiritual values are common to all major cultures and religious traditions, and to all people. Spirituality is a way of life based on these common values. To see the distinction between religion and spirituality, we can think of a banana. Religion is the banana skin; it gives us outer rituals and codes of conduct—a way of life. Spirituality is the banana, the quest for the source of life—going back to the source and knowing deep within us we are part of Divinity. Sometimes people mistakenly hold on to the skin and throw away the banana. When this distinction between religion and spirituality becomes clear, the journey to the source begins. Then we become united to that principle that has enormous intelligence and orderliness, and lies beneath all existence, beneath every happening. All wealth lies within. Remember, there is no lack of love in you, no lack of anything whatsoever. As we live the values of spirit—as we take responsibility, act with generosity and find our own peace—life attains its richest form. Without these values, life becomes shallow and we are dependent and unhappy. Just as the nature of fire is to burn and the nature of water to flow; it is the nature of spirit to uphold and sustain life. When you pay attention to the spiritual values, when you bring them more fully into your life—you become solid and strong. You feel connected to all other human beings. WHAT IS THE JOURNEY? The spiritual journey is a homecoming; a journey to a centre space within you where love, joy and peace abide. Truth is often paradoxical: you are coming back to a home which you never left. It has always been a part of you, but you may have been unaware of this aspect of yourself or felt separated from it. Your journey is for you and about you. It is unfolding right now—wherever you are and however this moment may be. The goal of the journey is to experience the love that you are and to express that love in the world. As you bring the love, happiness and peace—that is your nature—more fully into your life (in ways we will talk about in the pages ahead) you will benefit yourself, people around you, people you don’t know and may never meet. And the benefit will come back to you. Every action that you take, comes back to you. This is the law of karma. If you do something harmful, it comes back to you. If you do something beneficial, that merit comes back to you. It is one thing to know—who you are, to have an intellectual understanding of your true nature. It is another to experience that abiding love, happiness and peace. For this, you need to understand the ways you may be robbing yourself of that experience. Here, we will look into the nature of the mind and its habit of leaving the present moment, and all the potential it holds to dwell in the past that cannot be changed or to worry about the future that may not be as you now fear it might be. We will see that when we are caught up in wanting what we do not have or in worrying about losing something we have, we become anxious, fearful and miss the joy available to us in this moment. We will see how we postpone being happy by looking for some anticipated future event—a promotion, a home, a marriage, a child—to make us happy. We will learn how to handle the negative thoughts and emotions that bring us down. We will find that when we allow our happiness to depend on what is always changing (moods, work, finances, relationships), instead of being based on what is unchanging (your eternal and unlimited Self), we risk making ourselves miserable. This ancient wisdom that has been handed down through the ages is a precious gift. It will restore you to that centered space within you where love, happiness and peace abide. We think we can find happiness or comfort through material things, but we know from our own experience that material comfort alone is not sufficient. Happiness is a state of being. Comfort is a quality of consciousness. It does depend on material things, but to a far greater degree it depends on our attitude and understanding. There is no lack of love in you, no lack of anything whatsoever.All wealth lies within you as you are right now. Every human being is made up of body, mind and spirit. It is possible to ignore the spiritual aspect of life, but count yourself fortunate if you are growing in awareness of this dimension. Each one of us has come into this world to express the joy, love and peace that we are but we can remain unaware of our inner wealth all our lives. Do not delay. Get back to your Self with all speed. You have been standing at the doorstep long enough; now it is time to bang on the door. When you shut the door to what is past and come into the present, then an inner door opens. In that moment, you feel at peace. SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT Why Am I Here? Questioner: How can I find out what I am here for? Sri Sri: Find out what you are not here for. You are not here to blame. You are not here to cry. You are not here to show off. You are not here to fight. You are not here to be miserable. You are not here to be angry. You are not here to worry. Chapter Two Getting Started Are you relaxed, unflappable, at ease in the world and enjoying yourself? These qualities are hallmarks of spiritual life. JUST SHOW UP What is asked of you on the spiritual path? Simply that you be present. Being present means you are here in this moment…and this moment…and now in this moment. How do you get pulled out of the present moment? When your mind goes to the past or the future, as is its habit; when you are absorbed in situations and events that are changing and passing; or in what someone has said or done—you are not in the present moment. When you are caught up in blaming and complaining; in wanting this and not wanting that—you are not in the present moment. Sometimes the spiritual aspect of life itself is seen as drawing us away from daily life. It is true that spiritual life benefits one from time set aside for worship, prayer, meditation and silence. It is also true that each moment, however that moment is, is your spiritual life. Running another load of laundry, running late for work, the friend who hung up on you in anger, the relationship you wonder if you should stay in, and laughter, celebration, falling in love—all this is your spiritual life. All that you seek—love, beauty, God, truth—can only be found in the present. Awareness, the ability to be present to the present, is both a gift and a tool for the spiritual journey. On the spiritual path your personality will become stable and strong, and life will attain its richest and fullest form. You will experience and express the love and happiness that are your nature. SHAKE HANDS WITH WHAT IS Accept the Present Moment As It Is A next step is to accept this moment as it is. There is nothing you can do to change it—it has already happened. Change can only happen in the next moment. Often acceptance is taken to mean as ‘giving up’—not taking action or not creating change where change is needed. That is not so. Only when you accept what is, you can become calm, think clearly and act powerfully to change what needs to be changed. This is called dynamic acceptance and it affects your state of mind: DON’T ACCEPT WHAT IS;MIND IN PIECESACCEPT WHAT IS: MIND AT PEACE Accept Other People As They Are The second aspect of accepting what is, is to accept other people as they are. Acceptance is not a passive thing. It does not mean that you tolerate rude, unjust or hurtful behavior. It means that if you accept a person who is taking a wrong action, your own mind will be calm and any action you take will be appropriate and effective. DON’T ACCEPT OTHERS AS THEY ARE: ACT, THEN THINK ACCEPT OTHERS AS THEY ARE: THINK, THEN ACT Non-acceptance causes you to react. If you react when someone upsets you, you are no longer in control. Whatever you do in this circumstance, you will regret later. Take a moment to think back. Hasn’t this happened to you many times? When you can say to yourself, “For some reason, this is the best that this person has to offer right now,” you will be set free. You will not be frustrated anew each time the objectionable behavior is repeated. In accepting others as they are, you create a clear space where you can respond in an appropriate and effective way. The problem may remain, but you will no longer be in its grip. Accepting other people as they are is not always easy, but is it any easier not to accept them? You only become more agitated, and dwelling on another person’s mistake can cause you to make a mistake. It can be a simple shift to accept people as they are, and when that shift happens, a big load is lifted. When you accept people as they are, those people benefit also. You give them room to change. WHAT YOU CAN DO If you have trouble letting go of the feeling. “He shouldn’t have said that or she shouldn’t have done that,” remember that whatever behavior the person exhibited was the best they had to offer at that moment. Some circumstance or event, known or unknown to you, caused that person to act as they did. If you don’t know what that was, try imagining an experience this person might have had that could be behind the rude or hurtful behavior. It also might help you to see this person with compassion, if you can recall something that you had said or done yourself that you later regretted. As you look for the possible explanations for the actions of others, simultaneously take responsibility for your own. Usually, we do just the opposite— we hold others responsible for what they do and excuse ourselves—“I didn’t mean to say that, I didn’t mean it that way.” Excusing or forgiving others is important for spiritual growth. In accepting others, you benefit yourself. The more you are able to accept others as they are, the more you will be able to accept yourself as you are. The reverse of this is also true—the more you accept yourself, the more you will be accepting others. Start anywhere in the equation and you will find that a new freedom comes to you and to the people around you. 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