The Little Book of Sloth Philosophy

The Little Book of Sloth Philosophy Jennifer McCartney Relax, unwind and soak up the wisdom of the sloth with the slowest page turner you’ll ever read.From tidying and Hygge, to living Lagom, the endless pressure to be happier, live better, sleep soundly, and eat mindfully can be exhausting. But this year’s lifestyle trend finally delivers the perfect antidote – welcome to the year of the sloth.Sloths are mindfulness in action. Contemplative, deliberate, relaxed, and focused. They resist the rat race, the incessant pressures from society to be more productive, and they don’t care how many steps they’ve logged on their fitness tracker. Long-limbed, a little bit shaggy, and a lot wide-eyed, they’re wonderful creatures, not to mention completely adorable.Here you can enjoy take-it-slow wisdom inspired by sloths; including advice on sleep (more restorative than a 6am run), eating and ‘exercise’ (sloths are the original pioneers of slow food and yoga after all), work (did you know that lazy people have higher IQs?), family life, and love.Dispelling over-complicated myths about productivity, this brilliant book confirms that it really is OK to be a sloth. (#u3a31fd1c-db62-5be2-8091-f357d2d9695c) Copyright (#u3a31fd1c-db62-5be2-8091-f357d2d9695c) HarperCollinsPublishers 1 London Bridge Street London SE1 9GF www.harpercollins.co.uk (http://www.harpercollins.co.uk) First published by HarperCollins 2018 FIRST EDITION Text and poetry © Jennifer McCartney 2018 Illustrations © Clare Faulkner 2018 All poetry is the author’s own unless otherwise stated Agatha Christie quote reprinted by permission of HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd © 1977, Agatha Christie Cover layout design © HarperCollinsPublishers 2018 A catalogue record of this book is available from the British Library Jennifer McCartney asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work The author and publishers cannot be held responsible for any errors and omissions that may be found in the text, or any actions that may be taken by a reader as a result of any reliance on the information contained in the text which is taken entirely at the reader’s own risk. This book should not be used as an alternative to seeking specialist medical advice which should be sought before any action is taken. While every effort has been made to trace the owners of copyright material reproduced herein and secure permissions, the publishers would like to apologise for any omissions and will be pleased to incorporate missing acknowledgments in any future edition of this book. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books. Find out about HarperCollins and the environment at www.harpercollins.co.uk/green (http://www.harpercollins.co.uk/green) Source ISBN: 9780008304829 Ebook Edition © August 2018 ISBN: 9780008304836 Version: 2018-07-31 Contents Cover (#u2a0dd03f-df1f-513e-acd6-1383fce0cb79) Title Page (#ue3e6bdd5-1253-50af-bfbd-8bb4df1684cf) Copyright (#u5d5afa51-26c5-519f-89f6-1c9a97d4e75d) PART ONE: A Sloth Education (#u27a841ea-6438-59dd-b0ec-535588b1ed85) Introduction: Welcome to the Sloth Philosophy (#u1ca51fb2-6211-5ae3-8ea7-a9397e695302) Follow the SLOW Method for a More Slothful Life (#ucf80b678-be9d-53ee-af28-6620a466be5d) Famous Followers of the Sloth Philosophy (#ua80ee1f4-8182-5ca0-81db-fcd4ba81b5bc) PART TWO: A Practical Guide (#uf74a999f-b60e-536b-b785-8498299a2456) Health and Wellness (#u33634d72-d795-5663-af83-2f19c0dde517) Food and Drink (#litres_trial_promo) Sleep (#litres_trial_promo) Leisure and Pleasure (#litres_trial_promo) Love and Relationships (#litres_trial_promo) Work and School (#litres_trial_promo) Beauty and Self-care (#litres_trial_promo) In Conclusion: Life is Short – Spend it Doing Things You Love (#litres_trial_promo) About the Author (#litres_trial_promo) About the Publisher (#u2a0dd03f-df1f-513e-acd6-1383fce0cb79) Part One Introduction: Welcome to the Sloth Philosophy (#u3a31fd1c-db62-5be2-8091-f357d2d9695c) Slow down. Hold your horses. Chill out. Don’t run on the pool deck. We’re constantly being encouraged to embrace stillness. Slowness. Mindfulness. And with good reason. Science has proven that slowing down has loads of advantages – from helping to manage chronic pain to increasing happiness levels and decreasing feelings of stress. Yet we’re often shamed when we take time for ourselves. Appearing lazy is a cardinal sin in our highly strung society. (It’s also one of the seven deadly sins. If that’s an issue, this book is definitely not for you.) God forbid you lie on a couch once in a while with a pile of chips and cheese, rather than cooking a perfectly balanced meal from scratch using eggs and mustard and whatever else might be in your fridge … Go do something! Make the bed! Book a holiday! Answer those texts! Feed your children! And so we do. And because of this our lives often seem to be chaotic and short of time. We live in a world where people jog for fun. Where a meditation app has to remind you to breathe deeply. Where you can buy a shrink-wrapped, pre-peeled orange (No time to peel! I’m busy!). Which is why abandoning our hang-ups about laziness and taking it slow is more important now than ever before. Slowing down provides us with a ton of benefits. It’s time to reclaim laziness, take back our time and protest the rat race by staying in bed. And what better mascot for the take-it-slow movement than the incredible, adorable sloth. Long-limbed, two- or three-toed, a little bit shaggy and a lot wide-eyed, the sloth is one of the cutest (and laziest) animals on the planet. These Amazon dwellers are not only essential to Central and South America’s rainforests, they also have a lot to teach us about the way we live life. Sloths are mindfulness in action. They’re contemplative, deliberate, relaxed and focused. They aren’t concerned with politics, or who drank the last of the milk, or how many steps they logged on their fitness tracker. They don’t really stress about anything. Live slow, die whenever is their motto. They’re wonderful animals. They resist the urge to be productive and the social pressure to be more successful. They’ve also been on this planet for tens of millions of years – a testament to the wisdom of their way of life, no? They must be doing something right. And now you, too, can live slothfully by embracing the sloth philosophy. It’s a simple mindset and a wonderful way of life – and it doesn’t take much to begin living the way of the sloth. In fact, you’ll be pleased to learn, it takes very little effort. Which is a key part of the sloth philosophy. So don’t rush. And get ready to relax and unwind. Got a blanket handy? Some flannel pyjamas? Maybe a mug of tea?* (#ulink_64b553f5-2d97-5a1e-b769-639edf82d4f4) Good. Now read on. And soak up the take-it-slow wisdom of the sloth. * (#ulink_7034480b-c25e-5ad3-a55b-27a09150c758) Please note the sloth philosophy embraces the best/least ridiculous parts of hygge, while dispensing with all the candles and socks. This isn’t just about taking time out to have a biscuit. Plus ‘sloth’ is easier to pronounce. (#ulink_334b10c3-6bbf-521c-b29b-9f037b391aa7)Follow the SLOW Method for a More Slothful Life The mantra of the sloth philosophy is slow down. To help ease yourself into this world, try following the SLOW method, outlined here. These four simple tips will help you become the best, most slothful version of yourself. S Sleep in. The world has a bizarre obsession with policing the amount of sleep we all get. On the one hand, we are being told how important it is, but on the other, being sleep deprived is sometimes even seen as a badge of honour. Oh, she runs her own company and only needs four hours of sleep a night. Let’s give her an award that she’s too exhausted to enjoy! But what if you sleep for, say, 12 hours? It’s too much. You’ll get some sort of laziness disease. Why fetishise sleeping in? Just do it. Sleep is good for you. Dreaming is good for you. It’s great for your skin and your immune system – and your emails can wait another hour or two while you pay homage to the duvet gods. L Leave your phone at home. This may seem obvious, but the idea of leaving your phone at home may also give you an anxiety attack. How will you find your way to the nearest Starbucks without your GPS? Trust me, you’ll find one. We’re all too plugged in. Too much screen time is ruining our brains and expanding our waistlines. Not looking at your phone every four minutes is better for you. But it’s also really hard to do. So to start, try leaving your phone at home the next time you pop out to the shops or run across the street for a flat white. See how it feels to be without your pocket technology for five minutes. Ten minutes. And over a period of days or weeks, work your way up to a couple of hours. The notifications can wait until you get back – and for those few minutes or hours take a deep breath and enjoy not being 100 per cent available and on call to the entire universe. If you can’t bear to leave your phone at home, try putting it on flight mode. You know, like you’re supposed to do on aeroplanes before they take off, so your Wi-Fi doesn’t bring down the plane. O Opt out. Embracing the way of the sloth requires an attitude adjustment. Make a choice to opt out of the idea that you need to be busy, engaged, connected and productive at all times. It’s just fine to be unproductive every so often. In fact, the sloth philosophy believes it’s essential to good mental health. Opting out on a practical level simply means doing less of the things you don’t want to do. Life comes with a lot of obligations, sure, and some of them are necessary for your own wellbeing or that of your loved ones. This includes things like feeding the cat or paying your rent. But we also commit to a lot of things we don’t necessarily want or need to do. Part of slowing down and embracing the sloth philosophy is realising you don’t have to do everything or be all things to everyone. Being busy isn’t a badge of honour if you’re miserable. W ‘What’s the rush?’ Repeat this phrase when you’re feeling overwhelmed or stressed out. Ask yourself whether something really needs doing immediately. Are you ignoring your own needs in order to do it? If you are about to take a rejuvenating walk in the spring sunshine, but get a text message from your accountant asking about a missing file which causes you to check your email where you see a note from a friend asking about your plans for visiting the countryside tomorrow which you start to reply to but first you need to research that art gallery you heard about so you can include the link in your reply and then it’s an hour later and somehow you’ve bought four pair of shoes from ASOS (also that reminds you that before your trip you need to wash your sneakers, throw out the rotten fridge lettuce and call the school) … you need to rethink your priorities. Take a step back. Try and put any feelings of urgency into perspective. Remember our collective past when our grandparents sent paper letters to their friends and family via boats? Catching up with each other took weeks. And they all survived. Take a breath. Vow to do it later. Or tomorrow. If at all. Will anyone or anything suffer if you take that walk first? Quiz What’s Your Sloth Personality? Your ideal book is: A. fun and entertaining; preferably with pictures; maybe some manga B. the latest in fine literature; probably Zadie Smith or Ali Smith C. preferably about astrology, and definitely an audio book (Who has the energy to actually hold a book these days?) D. a rush-to-publication memoir – by someone who’s been famous for fewer than eight months E. something inspiring like How to Live Hard, Hustle Hard and Love Your Life to the Fullest When your boss tells you something needs to be done urgently you: A. give her a thumbs-up and resolve to get to it after lunch; tomorrow after lunch, probably B. silently contemplate the best way to get the thing done C. take a nap D. get some snacks and then watch a video online about how best to do the thing E. clear your schedule, open a spreadsheet and wait for the waves of anxiety When it comes to snacking you reach for: A. cheese-flavoured snacks B. green tea and sushi C. cereal with marshmallows D. a bottle of meal-replacement liquid E. diet water If you could sum up your outlook on life with a trite phrase, it would be: A. it’s 4:20 somewhere B. silence isn’t empty; it’s full of answers C. sleep, perchance to dream D. hide your wife, hide your kids E. work hard, hustle harder Answers Mostly As: stoner sloth. Not much bothers you. You like to eat your leaves and chill in peace. Friends love you for your zero-drama, laid-back approach to the world. Mostly Bs: meditative sloth. You’re an independent, introspective sloth. You like beaches, being a Libra or Scorpio, and taking time to paint your nails and read a book. It’s intellectual stimulation, solitude and self-care that you crave. Mostly Cs: sloth goddess Aergia. Some people are energetic, practical, get-up-and-go types. And others, like you, are dreamers – just living for your next nap. You know that getting a full twelve hours is the best way to recharge. Like the goddess of sloth, Aergia, you live for being lazy. Mostly Ds: ‘Let-me-tell-you-about-the-latest-sloth-meme’ sloth. In front of the computer* (#ulink_0ebc290a-aab7-5dee-8b18-41daf7879505) is your personal sloth style and you’ve had at least one social-media post go viral. You love popular culture, keeping up with the latest memes, experimenting with up-to-the-minute trends and kicking back with your feet up. Friends love you as you’re always effortlessly informed about everything. Mostly Es: manic sloth. You’re less of a sloth and more of a cheetah. Remember the SLOW method and try and relax a little bit – too much running around can be bad for your health. In fact, if sloths move too quickly they can die from expending too much energy. Let that be a warning. * (#ulink_4eceda19-1f9f-5bc5-8a63-31fce338606d) But not at a standing or treadmill desk. Your screen time is strictly sitting-down time. Famous Followers of the Sloth Philosophy (#ulink_b4b3686f-5fce-5220-ae54-7973275a56c1) The sloth philosophy has its own heroes – men and women who get up late, procrastinate, take lots of breaks and (surprise) manage to get stuff done in their own time. Because of their fame and success, you may not associate them with a sloth lifestyle. But rest assured, if you rest first, you’ll probably get around to it eventually – just like the winners you’ll read about here. DOUGLAS ADAMS Douglas Adams came up with the idea for the title of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy while lying drunk in a field – not the first time being drunk or taking a nap has paid off, so let this be a lesson to us all. He was also notoriously bad with deadlines, saying, ‘I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.’ The author’s book editor reportedly once spent three weeks locked in a hotel room with him to ensure he wrote and delivered the manuscript for So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish. He even recalls doing very little work at university – com-pleting three essays in as many years. He graduated nonetheless, and went on to become one of England’s most successful and best-known authors – all at his own pace. LEONARDO DA VINCI Guess how long it took famous sloth-philosophy hero da Vinci to finish the Mona Lisa? (Keep in mind the painting is only 21 by 30 inches.) A year? Three years? Scholars think it could have taken as many as fifteen. For the purposes of comparison, keener Michelangelo took just four years to paint the entire Sistine Chapel. Today, few of us care how long it took anyone from history to do anything – all that matters is that eventually, when they felt like it, they did it. Da Vinci also took 25 years to complete a seven-month commission – his first payment for Virgin of the Rocks being received in 1483 and the final one in 1508. And what was he doing with all that downtime? Doodling. Inventing the helicopter and the parachute and the tank. LORD MELBOURNE Lord Melbourne was by all accounts an unexceptional English prime minister. He didn’t oversee any wars or enact any notable policies. He’s mostly remembered for his extramarital affairs while in office and for his close relationship with Queen Victoria. Doing nothing was his default position. ‘Why not leave it alone?’ was his mantra (along with the words ‘delay’ and ‘postpone’). He was a man who served in his job adequately – we can all aspire to that. FRANK LLOYD WRIGHT In a situation that may be familiar to any sloth-philosophy adherent (and one that will strike fear into those conditioned to believe everything should always be done well in advance with months of preparation), witness Frank Lloyd Wright’s last-minute scramble to show he’d been working on a commission he’d actually ignored. According to his apprentices, Wright received an unexpected call from his patron, Edgar Kaufmann Sr, who mentioned he was in the neighbourhood and wanted to stop by to see the plans for his new house, Fallingwater. Wright had told the businessman that he’d been working on it when he’d done absolutely nothing since their original meeting nine months earlier. In the two hours it took Kaufmann to drive to see Wright, the architect quickly drew up plans for the now world-famous design. A lesson to all of us that what looks like laziness is often just the most efficient way of doing things. Why spend nine months working on something that can be done in two hours? EDITH WHARTON The famous American author of House of Mirth liked to write in bed. (Perhaps if we all had an estate in Massachusetts, we might be inclined to do the same.) Her friend Gaillard Lapsley described a typical day for the author: ‘She would have her writing board perilously furnished with an ink-pot on her knee, the dog of the moment under her left elbow and the bed strewn with correspondence, newspapers and books.’ Dogs, books and a bed. Sounds perfectly reasonable, doesn’t it? No grey cubicles or fancy desk chairs needed to get proper work done. In fact, the Edith Wharton Restoration organisation has restored the author’s luxury bedroom suite (bedroom, boudoir and bath) where she wrote, so you can go see for yourself and be inspired. COLETTE Colette was in her thirties and felt like a failure, her writing career not yet having taken off. (In a world of over-achieving 17-year-olds it was only too easy to feel like you’d aged out and missed your chance at fame.) Nevertheless, she persisted, with the help of a very strict writing routine: Colette would only begin to write after she’d groomed her French bulldog. Sounds reasonable. ‘To write is the joy and the torment of the idle,’ she said. Part Two Health and Wellness (#ulink_c940b92f-8b1c-5bc1-bd2d-d222db6f21ea) In a world of extreme sports, 85-hour work weeks and fast food, the sloth philosophy of health and wellness can help you slow down, relax and regain your equilibrium. Sloth Philosophy Slow down for better health ‘For fast-acting relief, try slowing down.’ Lily Tomlin Sloth Fact: Sloths are the slowest mammals on earth. On the ground their top speed is about 4 metres per minute. In an emergency (must use the toilet in the next four or five days!) they can do about 4.5 metres per minute. Sneaker companies, fitness bloggers and the Olympics want us to believe that extreme sports and intense physical exercise are admirable endeavours. That’s because high-intensity workouts with lots of cardio have become synonymous with discipline and dedication, in addition to being necessary for our general health and wellbeing. Forget moderation and just run a marathon or do fifty crunches a day or climb Mount Kilimanjaro – this is the path to wellness and longevity we’re encouraged to pursue. God help anyone born with bad ankles or an inner-ear issue. But now the sloth philosophy is here to let you know that working out is for chumps. Or, to put it more mildly, there’s more than one way to stay healthy and it doesn’t involve pooping yourself while running an 18-hour ultra-marathon. Scientists are now learning what sloths already know: moving slowly has its benefits. That’s right. Activities like yoga and tai chi (also known as slow-movement therapy) have been proven to reduce chronic pain. Practitioners of these chill workout routines even report taking fewer opiates. And a 2008 study conducted at Tufts Medical Center in Boston found that 12 weeks of tai chi helped reduce pain and stress levels in arthritis patients. One theory about why these low-impact exercises work so well is that the slow movement increases our relaxation response. This, in turn, reduces our stress response and boosts our immune function. Even a brisk walk can be beneficial – and it’s much easier on the knees than running. No matter what kind of slow exercises you choose to do, slow, rhythmic breathing and controlled movements are key. Remind you of anything? Right, sloths. So remember that there’s more than one way to get into shape and improve your health. Sloth Philosophy Breathe deeply – even if you’re upside down Sloth Fact: A sloth’s internal organs are fixed in place, to keep their weight away from the diaphragm and avoid crushing its lungs. This allows it to breathe easily in any position – an evolutionary necessity, given that the sloth’s favoured position is upside down. Breathing properly should be an easy thing to do. Our lives depend on it. I’m breathing right now, you might think. What’s the big deal? The problem is, we’re often not breathing effectively, and this can negatively impact our health. We’re so tense, or hunched over, or distracted that we’re barely taking in or exhaling more than a little puff of air. Computers and stress are the main culprits. Bad posture as we tap away on our laptops means our ribs are digging into our diaphragms, so our lungs don’t have room to expand. Stress can make our breath short and shallow – a condition known as underbreathing. Breathing deeply is an important practice to develop because it can reduce stress and lower blood pressure. It promotes healing by increasing oxygen levels in the blood and it’s even thought to reduce inflammation. A 2016 study at the Medical University of South Carolina found that just 20 minutes of breathing exercises resulted in a decrease in salivary cytokines – a biomarker for inflammation. That means a few minutes of mindful breathing can actually benefit our bodies on a molecular level. And because the wonders of better breathing are scientifically proven, you’ll find these techniques practised by everyone from yogis to military personnel to athletes. So straighten up. Set your shoulders back. Give those lungs room to expand. And take a deep breath. Take two. Keep it up. Feels good, right? Sloth Philosophy Seek the quiet place Sloth Fact: Sloths have teeny, tiny ears and can’t hear very well. Most of their life is spent in relative silence. Ah, bliss … Noise pollution can be harmful to our physical and mental health, but, unlike sloths, we can’t retreat to the treetops whenever we feel overwhelmed. Prolonged exposure to loud noise can cause hearing loss, sleep disturbances, high blood pressure and increased stress levels. The World Health Organization recommends decibel levels of no more than 50 in residential areas, but that’s wishful thinking for a large portion of the population. (To put that in context, sirens are 120 decibels, while construction noise can measure between 80 and 90 and the noise from a passing subway train is about 80.) Our cities have become so loud that scientists have discovered that robins are now singing at night rather than during the day. Whatever the birds have to communicate (news of another royal birth?) it can’t be done during the day in our major cities. Not surprisingly, perhaps, 8 of the UK’s top 10 districts ranked by noise complaints per 1,000 residents are in London. Londoners do love a good knees-up. And New York City is no better, with hundreds of thousands of noise complaints lodged every year. Not for nothing is it known as the city that never sleeps! While most of us can’t help where we live, we can take steps to mitigate the noise pollution we experience. So unless you’re planning to pick up and move to an off-the-grid tiny house in the wilderness sometime soon, here are some common-sense ways to increase the level of peace and quiet in your life: Out and about: Wear earplugs or noise-cancelling headphones. Avoid busy construction sites, loud parties and subways; take a walk in the park instead – see what the foxes are up to. At home: Consider sound-proofing windows if you’re on a busy street. Invest in a white-noise machine (or download a white-noise app). Send your children to boarding school.* (#litres_trial_promo) Trade the yappy dog for a quiet cat.† (#litres_trial_promo) Конец ознакомительного фрагмента. Текст предоставлен ООО «ЛитРес». Прочитайте эту книгу целиком, купив полную легальную версию (https://www.litres.ru/jennifer-mccartney/the-little-book-of-sloth-philosophy/?lfrom=688855901) на ЛитРес. Безопасно оплатить книгу можно банковской картой Visa, MasterCard, Maestro, со счета мобильного телефона, с платежного терминала, в салоне МТС или Связной, через PayPal, WebMoney, Яндекс.Деньги, QIWI Кошелек, бонусными картами или другим удобным Вам способом.