The First Time Mums’ Club

The First Time Mums’ Club Lucie Wheeler A gorgeous, heartwarming debut for fans of Giovanna Fletcher, Paige Toon and The Unmumsy Mum!‘This book captured my heart’ Bestselling author Christie BarlowMeet Pippa…After years of trying and a failed IVF attempt, Pippa is thrilled to see two little lines appear on a pregnancy test. Finally a precious baby to call her own. This is all Pippa has ever wanted…if only husband Jason could show just a little excitement.Imogen…A baby is the icing on the cake for Imogen and Alice – proof that their love for each other can overcome any obstacle. But when Imogen starts receiving malicious texts, it's clear that not everyone is thrilled about the girls' good news.And Ellie…A drunken one-night stand and Ellie's life is ruined! Pregnant, jobless and the relationship with her best friend, Chris, over- forever. Because Chris just happens to be the father of Ellie's baby…and potentially the love of her life!For these first time mums the road to motherhood is bumpier than most!'A fresh and individual look at three first-time mums and their very different stories. Connected by more than pregnancy, their lives are deftly intertwined to entertain the reader to the last page' Sue Moorcroft, bestselling author of The Christmas Promise A division of HarperCollinsPublishers www.harpercollins.co.uk (http://www.harpercollins.co.uk) HarperImpulse an imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers 1 London Bridge Street London SE1 9GF www.harpercollins.co.uk (http://www.harpercollins.co.uk) First published in Great Britain by HarperImpulse 2017 Copyright © Lucie Wheeler 2017 Cover design © HarperCollinsPublishers Cover images © Shutterstock.com (http://Shutterstock.com) Lucie Wheeler asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work. A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins. ISBN: 9780008216221 Ebook Edition © May 2017 Version 2017-10-10 Table of Contents Cover (#ufadf8fb5-e9ba-5a70-90a4-79e49c331393) Title Page (#u18cbb5f0-e843-5b70-aeab-f267eb6cc1f0) Copyright (#ua8ff1809-ae21-5bf5-bbf5-5164c9199698) Dedication (#u5e5ee42d-5173-53f9-8243-5dcfc9c6a287) Part One: The First Trimester (#u688ef4f9-35be-5211-9ffb-5802ccdd14e2) Chapter 1 (#u9db2f52c-0385-52e0-be4d-42f2b870c5a7) Chapter 2 (#u2ac2e666-55f3-5d34-9442-9f59146466af) Chapter 3 (#uf1bdafbf-cd43-538f-895f-537a6c14c35b) Chapter 4 (#u7be2d335-cc9c-5532-83f2-6598daadea58) Chapter 5 (#ub6d707a6-d5ec-5108-8356-c24fbb5b45f2) Chapter 6 (#u28618554-36b6-58ed-acef-b7d065f3c71a) Chapter 7 (#u18d3c3a6-3b2f-52f9-b1f9-ea69ce0634fd) Chapter 8 (#litres_trial_promo) Chapter 9 (#litres_trial_promo) Chapter 10 (#litres_trial_promo) Chapter 11 (#litres_trial_promo) Chapter 12 (#litres_trial_promo) Chapter 13 (#litres_trial_promo) Chapter 14 (#litres_trial_promo) Chapter 15 (#litres_trial_promo) Chapter 16 (#litres_trial_promo) Chapter 17 (#litres_trial_promo) Chapter 18 (#litres_trial_promo) Chapter 19 (#litres_trial_promo) Part Two: The Second Trimester (#litres_trial_promo) Chapter 20 (#litres_trial_promo) Chapter 21 (#litres_trial_promo) Chapter 22 (#litres_trial_promo) Chapter 23 (#litres_trial_promo) Chapter 24 (#litres_trial_promo) Chapter 25 (#litres_trial_promo) Chapter 26 (#litres_trial_promo) Chapter 27 (#litres_trial_promo) Chapter 28 (#litres_trial_promo) Chapter 29 (#litres_trial_promo) Chapter 30 (#litres_trial_promo) Part Three: Third Trimester (#litres_trial_promo) Chapter 31 (#litres_trial_promo) Chapter 32 (#litres_trial_promo) Chapter 33 (#litres_trial_promo) Chapter 34 (#litres_trial_promo) Chapter 35 (#litres_trial_promo) Chapter 36 (#litres_trial_promo) Chapter 37 (#litres_trial_promo) Chapter 38 (#litres_trial_promo) Chapter 39 (#litres_trial_promo) Chapter 40 (#litres_trial_promo) Chapter 41 (#litres_trial_promo) Chapter 42 (#litres_trial_promo) Epilogue (#litres_trial_promo) Acknowledgements (#litres_trial_promo) About the Author (#litres_trial_promo) About HarperImpulse (#litres_trial_promo) About the Publisher (#litres_trial_promo) For Gracie – you are the most precious thing in my whole world. Never give up on your dreams. You can achieve anything you want and I will always be right here beside you, believing in you. And for Craig – thank you for working so hard and making it possible for me to take the time out to study and to write. Without your support, I wouldn’t have had the chance to follow my dreams. I love you both xx PART ONE: (#u09336df7-06ff-5bea-bb77-a82aeef2d32d) Chapter 1 (#u09336df7-06ff-5bea-bb77-a82aeef2d32d) Ellie ‘Come on, Ellie, how long are you going to be in there?’ ‘I’ll be out in a minute,’ she called back, pulling some toilet paper off the holder so that it made a noise and sounded authentic. She pulled her long blonde hair back into a ponytail so that it was off her neck – she was so hot, it made her feel sick. ‘You’ve been in there ages, is everything okay?’ She had a little laugh to herself. Not because it was funny, more because she actually couldn’t believe what she was doing. If someone had said to her years, even weeks, ago that this is what she would be doing on a Friday in November, she would have laughed in their face and told them not to be so stupid. Yet, here she was. Locked in a bathroom at the hotel she was staying in for the photoshoot job she was on. The subtle cream walls were splashed with various shades of mocha, which did nothing but accentuate the sheer grandeur of the place. It was one of those places that had posh handwash and moisturiser for every basin – a far jump from Ellie’s tiny flat in the centre of London, in which her bathroom rarely had a towel to dry her hands, let alone moisturiser. She had hoped that it would have been at least another five minutes until Jenni, the photoshoot manager, noticed she was missing, though. Who was she kidding? People don’t just forget that there is a make-up artist on set. ‘Everything’s fine. I’m just… um…,’ she frantically looked around the bathroom for inspiration and spotted some tweezers on the windowsill, ‘plucking my eyebrows!’ She creased her face as she cringed at her terrible attempt of lying. ‘What? Why have you locked the door if you’re just plucking your eyebrows? I’ve got Suzie out here waiting for her make-up for the photoshoot and you’ve picked now to lock yourself in a bathroom to pluck your eyebrows? I pay you to do other people’s make-up, not sort your own face out!’ ‘I know, I’m … uh…. doing it whilst I’m on the toilet – I must’ve eaten something dodgy.’ She really was clutching at straws now. This is what her life had come to. She felt stupid but she had to do this. There was no other time and she couldn’t face another day tearing herself apart inside with the constant worry and wondering about what the hell was going on – it had taken over her life. Yeah, sure, she could have done this at home, but she acted on impulse this morning at the chemist – her bag had felt like a lead weight ever since. She needed to just get rid of it and do it. She heard Jenni exhale impatiently outside the door and stomp off. She listened to her footsteps quieten and then, finally, a door slammed. ‘Eyebrows?’ she said to herself and laughed. ‘Bloody plucking my eyebrows?’ She looked up to the ceiling aghast and threw her hands up to her head to rub her cheeks. Finally she turned her attention back to the task in hand; still another minute to go. This was the longest two minutes of her life. She should be out there, doing Suzie’s make-up, laughing and joking on set and doing what she did best. She had been a make-up artist for about eight years now and she absolutely loved her job. The buzz she got from working with the models and photographers on set to help create some really beautiful masterpieces was pure indulgence. She could remember spending hours as a child, doing her own make-up with her mum’s stash. Her and Zoe, who was three years older, would sneak into their mum’s bedroom and take all her best make-up to practise with. The trouble they got into when Ellie once used their mum’s MAC make-up to make Zoe look like a clown for her ninth birthday party. Their mum had thought Ellie used face paint and was full of praise and showing off about how talented her six-year-old was, and then she realised when she saw the lipstick barrel lying on the side, tip squashed down into mush from the pressure applied to create the crimson circles on Zoe’s cheeks. The girls had joked that their mum’s face went the same colour. She had her pocket money removed that week and she never used her mum’s make-up again. That was when she started buying her own and Zoe was the perfect model to practise on. And now she got to do it for real, every day. Although she saved the clown faces for special occasions. And then there was art class at school. Ellie wasn’t a grade-A student, but in art she totally aced it. When Zoe was bringing home straight A’s in every subject and making their parents proud as punch, Ellie was bringing home an array of C’s and D’s and making their parents exhale in frustration that she ‘wasn’t more like Zoe.’ They didn’t even acknowledge the A* in art because it wasn’t a subject that they saw would get her anywhere in life. Well, who’s laughing now? Her phone chimed to indicate a message and she swiped it up quickly for something to do with her hands. Minimising the stopwatch, she opened the message. Hey. Sorry I haven’t been in touch recently. I was just a bit freaked out about what happened between us that night. You’re not the only one, she thought as she scrolled down. I don’t want things to change between us. Are we OK? She felt a strange feeling in her stomach as she read Chris’s message. She had known Chris practically all her life. They’d grown up together on the same street and became firm friends at the tender age of six when Ellie stood up for Chris against some older boys, who were picking on him for having ginger hair. ‘I like your hair,’ she would often say to him. But that didn’t stand up against the nasty taunts of ginge and carrot top that he frequently got from others. Not that he had that problem nowadays. His hair had darkened into a nice deep red as he grew older and it was actually shaved now anyway. He had certainly grown into a gorgeous man, but they had stayed firm friends – most of the time. They occasionally strayed into dangerous territory, especially where drink was involved. Throughout high school and starting their own careers, Chris and Ellie still hung out together and were regulars in each other’s lives. Their friendship was on a completely different level to any other friendship she had, or probably ever would. The closeness between them would challenge a married couple of twenty years, yet that was all they ever remained as: friends. Because they didn’t work as anything else. Which made what happened the other night even worse. They should never have slept together again. They said after the last time that they wouldn’t do it again because it was starting to affect their friendship. Being friends with benefits was a good laugh, but it made things complicated. She had watched him fall in love and have his heart broken – which had broken her own heart a little bit, too. Watching him fall deeper into despair and not being able to stop him. It had taken him years to get over what Chloe had done to him and Ellie had not wasted any time in making sure that that bitch knew exactly where she stood on the matter. But what with a few too many Sambucas and a killer new dress that she’d bought, which clung to all the right places around her sleek, well-toned body, one thing had led to another and they’d found themselves in a hotel room at the function they had been at. She woke up the next day, frustrated at giving in to Chris again, so being the idiot that she was, she had just left. Just like that. She knew things were bad when he didn’t contact her for a bit, but she had left it too long and then it became a thing. She tried so hard to not make a big deal out of it that, as a result of her being so blas?, she did make it a thing. Then she was too far in and couldn’t come back from it. It was a weird feeling because up until then, any problems she’d ever had, she’d always gone straight to Chris. Problems in the male department – call Chris. Problems at work – call Chris. Bad period pains and she needed (yes, needed) chocolate ice cream at 11pm – yep, you got it, call Chris. And he was always there. Always. Never asking questions. Good old reliable Chris. They always came back from their awkwardness after sleeping together, but this time she felt different. She felt really emotional about it all and that fact alone pissed her off – she didn’t do emotion. So why was it so hard to talk to him now? She typed a response and pressed send. Don’t be silly, I didn’t even notice. Been so busy with work and stuff. That was a lie. She had thought about it. She thought of nothing else. A reply beeped back almost instantly. Good. I don’t want things to change between us, so don’t go all weird on me now. We agreed – remember! He added a geeky smiley. It did make her smile. Oh please, don’t flatter yourself. Now go away I’m working! She went to press send, but hesitated. She went back into the message and added a kiss. Nodding to herself, she went to press send again but decided last minute to delete the kiss. Exhaling with frustration she added the kiss and pressed the send icon. Since when did she agonise over what to text him? She got thumbs up in return. That was it. No kiss. But did it matter? She didn’t know any more. Because as much as she wanted to act fine, she wasn’t fine. It had made things weird. And she was about to find out why. Her phone started beeping again and it was a split second before she realised it wasn’t another text but the alarm. It was time. She walked over to the windowsill on the other side of the bathroom and turned the white stick over. ‘Shit,’ she whispered, and began to cry. ***** Pippa ‘The usual, Pip?’ Pippa shook her head as she took out her purse from the floral Cath Kidston bag she wore over one shoulder. ‘No, I’m off the caffeine now. I’ll take a decaf tea with soya milk, please.’ She paused as she saw Zoe’s face in response to her request. ‘What?’ ‘Decaf… with soya? What’s the reasoning?’ ‘I don’t have to have a reason for trying something new, do I?’ She pulled her deep-brown plait over her shoulder and began to play with the end, purely for something to do with her hands. Zoe looked at her suspiciously and Pippa found it hard to keep the smile hidden that was already creeping across her face. The two women stood for a couple of minutes looking at each other, neither one of them wanting to be the first to break the stare. Pippa, with the smile creeping ever so slowly over her lips and Zoe, keeping her hard stare of suspicion. Eventually Pippa cracked. ‘Okay, fine. I am watching what I eat from now on.’ She gave her that snippet, but that was all. She released the smile – she was enjoying this tease. The excitement was bubbling in the pit of her stomach, ready to explode from her in a torrent of words and squeals. But not yet, she needed to keep her cool and wait for the right moment. ‘And why would you be doing that?’ Zoe asked, and Pippa saw the corners of her mouth starting to turn up. She knew. She had blatantly guessed. ‘Why do you think?’ ‘You’re not?’ ‘Not what?’ ‘Stop it, you know what I mean!’ Zoe was springing up and down on her feet like an excitable five-year-old that had just been told they were flying to Disneyland, her choppy blonde bob bouncing around her face. Pippa squeaked and nodded. ‘Oh my God, you’re pregnant?’ Zoe shouted, throwing her arms up and slapping them down onto her head. Pippa immediately shushed her and looked around at the caf? full of customers. Laughing, she said, ‘Alright, the whole world doesn’t want to know.’ ‘Eeek! Pip!’ Zoe rushed around from behind the counter and practically jumped into Pippa’s arms. She squeezed her tight, squealing constantly in her ear. ‘This is amazing news! When did you find out?’ ‘This morning. I did the test this morning and it was positive!’ ‘Have you told Jason? What did he say?’ Pippa opened her mouth to speak but Zoe held her hand up to silence her. ‘Hang on, let me get you your drink and a chair and you can tell me all about it.’ She rushed back behind the counter and set about making the tea. ‘Oh shit,’ she said as she fished the teabag out of the cup. ‘That’s not decaf. I tell you, I’m all over the place.’ She turned to look at Pippa again and smiled. ‘Pip, I’m so happy for you.’ ‘Thank you, I’m so happy for me too!’ She really was. ‘It bloody took its time but it finally happened.’ ‘I told you it would.’ Zoe pulled the chair from the side and placed it up against the serving hatch. ‘Sit here so you can tell me everything.’ Pippa gratefully took the chair and placed her bag down beside her. ‘I know you did, but it was just taking so long, I really thought it was never going to happen for us. No amount of planning, sex scheduling, positioning, reading… nothing was working.’ ‘Well no, I don’t suppose reading would help to make a baby, Pip. You have to actually do the deed, not have your nose stuck inside a book. Unless you did it from behind, I suppose…’ ‘Zoe! You know what I mean. I must’ve read like a million books about conceiving and tips to conceive and how to conceive…’ ‘Again, sex pretty much does that job.’ ‘Well, you would think, but Jason and I were at it like rabbits at one point and it still never happened.’ She became very aware of the elderly woman sitting on the table just to the left of her who had looked up at the mention of ‘at it like rabbits’ and seemed a little embarrassed. ‘Sorry,’ Pippa added, and turned back to Zoe, lowering her voice. ‘I actually think we had sex nearly ten times one day.’ Zoe passed her the tea over the counter and creased her brow. ‘Nearly?’ ‘Well, it kind of slipped in but the door went so we had to stop.’ She glanced over her shoulder at the lady, who had decided enough was enough and was getting up to leave. ‘Oh, I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to put you off your food.’ The lady shook her head and left, muttering something about kids these days… ‘Cheers, you’re now costing me customers, thanks to your potty mouth.’ Pippa began to apologise again but quickly realised Zoe was far from being serious. ‘So, have you told Jason? What did he say? Is he as excited as you are?’ ‘I haven’t told him yet. Look, I’ve got this.’ She pulled a card out of her bag. ‘Surprise!’ Zoe read the swirly lettering that embossed the front of the card. Opening it she smiled, saying ‘You’re going to be a Daddy.’ ‘Isn’t it lovely? Do you think he’ll like it?’ ‘He bloody better! Couldn’t you just, you know, ring him and tell him the good news?’ ‘No! I’ve waited seven years for this moment.’ ‘And how long have you had the card for?’ Zoe smiled at her and Pippa felt embarrassed that they both knew what kind of answer she was going to give. ‘About six years.’ Zoe laughed again and cut a slice of Bakewell tart from the counter. ‘Here, you nutter, have this. It was made with love by a very special person.’ She winked at her. ‘Flattery will get you nowhere. Which reminds me, I’ve made a coffee and walnut cake in addition to your order this week as I had a load of walnuts left over from that wedding cake I made.’ ‘Amazing! I love coffee and walnut cake – can we just add that to the regular order anyway?’ ‘No problem, I’ll drop it all in tomorrow afternoon as I’ve got doctors first thing. Have you got enough stuff to tide you over?’ She looked into the display cabinet at the nearly empty containers that normally housed her cakes and pastries. ‘Yeah, should be okay. I’ve still got some Victoria sponge out the back, too.’ She pushed the plate with the Bakewell on it over the counter. ‘Anyway, enough of work. Eat!’ ‘Oh no, I can’t. I really need to watch what I eat from now on.’ She slid the plate back towards her friend. ‘Oh behave! It’s a slice of cake and we are celebrating! You can be all strict with your food after you’ve had the baby, when you’re trying to shift the baby weight.’ ‘Well, if we’re celebrating, where’s your slice?’ ‘That, Pip, is a good question.’ She cut herself a piece. ‘Oh my goodness, do you know what I just thought?’ Pippa looked at her with suspicion, ‘What?’ she asked, cautiously. ‘Now that you are expecting, you can come to the mums’ meetings here!’ Pippa smiled, feeling warm inside. Zoe didn’t realise how long she had waited to hear those words. ‘You’re right. When do I start?’ She couldn’t hide the grin from her face. ‘As soon as you are ready, my love.’ Zoe shuffled behind the counter, ‘Cheers,’ she said, holding up her slice. ‘To baby Pip!’ Pippa smiled as a warm, fuzzy feeling drizzled through her body. She tapped her cake with Zoe’s. ‘To baby Pip!’ ***** Imogen ‘Miss, can I get the paint out?’ Imogen snapped her attention to the little blond boy staring up at her from the table and realised she had been completely daydreaming. She glanced over to the class teacher, who was teaching phonics to some children on the carpet. ‘When Mrs Anderson has finished her sounds, we will get the paint out. Let’s wait for the others so they can join in, yes?’ The little boy ran off without even acknowledging their conversation. A wave of nausea started to build up from Imogen’s stomach and she felt the sweat begin to bead over her forehead. She needed to get to a bathroom, and quick! She tried to discreetly get Mrs Anderson’s attention, but it failed and she soon found herself in a position she would never want to be in again, where she had no choice but to run out of the classroom with no warning whatsoever to the class teacher. She practically skidded around the corner of the corridor at the end of the hall, where she sprung into the staff toilets just in time to reach the toilet bowl. A tirade of mixed feelings erupted as she vomited. She took a moment to compose herself afterwards – and to make sure there wasn’t any more – before standing to look at her reflection in the mirror. She looked a mess. Whilst her wavy, light-brown hair was still in the ponytail she had placed it in just a couple of hours previously, there were numerous straggly sections that had dropped out around her face and were now stuck to her cheeks with the sweat from the hot flush she had just seconds before the vomiting started. Her eyes were red and bloodshot and her eyeliner had bled slightly into the fine lines around the edges of her eyes. Sporting a look that was a cross between someone who had just finished a marathon and a gothic clown, she spent a few minutes sorting her appearance before making her way back to the classroom. ‘Mrs Anderson, she’s back!’ little Becca screeched as Imogen walked into the room. Mrs Anderson came over to her, immediately looking worried and, if she was honest, a little pissed off. ‘Everything okay?’ she asked, cautiously eyeing her up and down. ‘Yes, sorry. I just felt really sick all of a sudden.’ She put her hands onto her hips to help convince her that she was okay. Mrs Anderson eyed her up and down before saying, ‘You don’t look too great. Do you need to go home?’ She shook her head. ‘No, I’ll be fine. Just need to grab some water, that’s all.’ ‘You don’t need to be a hero, we all get sick. If you need to go, then go. I don’t want the whole class coming down with a bug.’ Imogen closed her eyes for a second as two little boys ran past her screaming, one of them barging into her and causing a wave of nausea to wash over her again. ‘I can’t, you need me in here. There’s no one to cover. I’ll be fine, honest. I just need some water.’ She felt another surge of acid in the back of her throat and frantically swallowed to hold it back. ‘Imogen, that’s not your problem. You can’t help being ill. We can pull in another assistant from somewhere, just let Mr…,’ It was too late. She had to run again. This was not a good feeling, she thought to herself, as she bolted back into the toilet. After round two had finished she admitted defeat and went home. Walking through the front door and throwing her keys down into the bowl, she slumped onto the sofa and picked up her phone, pulling up Alice’s number. Had to come home, been sick twice this morning already. Alice almost immediately called her back. ‘What’s wrong?’ ‘I was fine when I got up but I’ve been sick twice at work.’ Just the thought of it made her stomach churn. ‘Really?’ The excitement in Alice’s voice did not go missed. ‘Well, that’s great news!’ ‘Thanks. Glad to see my misery is causing you so much happiness.’ She let out a feeble laugh and immediately stopped because of the feeling it gave her in her stomach. ‘Sorry, baby, but you know what I mean. This could be it!’ Imogen shook her head. ‘No, don’t do that.’ ‘What?’ ‘Don’t go getting your hopes up again. Not like last time.’ The painful memories of previous attempts of checking and every time it being negative swam around her brain, making it feel cloudy. ‘Oh come on. This is different. You don’t normally feel sick, let alone actually be sick. This could be our month! Oh my God, I’m so excited. Have you done the test yet?’ ‘No.’ ‘What? Come on, don’t be silly. Just do it already. You were going to do it tomorrow anyway, what’s a day early?’ ‘Don’t you want me to wait until you get home?’ ‘No way! It’s 10.30 in the morning; I’ll never be able to concentrate all day knowing this. Come on, just do it. It’s in the cupboard.’ Imogen stood up, but immediately sat back down as a wave of sickness began to descend again. ‘Fine, I’ll call you back.’ ‘Make sure you do. I’ve got a meeting in about fifteen minutes so I’m timing it. You’ve got ten minutes. Go!’ Imogen laughed. ‘Okay, fine. Bye.’ ‘Love you! Bye!’ Imogen hung up with a little giggle to herself. She absolutely loved how excited Alice was. She always got so passionate about things, that’s why Imogen fell in love with her. Their relationship hadn’t been an easy ride. Imogen’s parents were not exactly supportive when she told them she was gay. Actually, unsupportive is probably an understatement. Imogen’s mum cried. She cried for about two weeks every time she saw them. First they were tears of anger – although Imogen never quite understood why she was angry – and then tears of sadness. ‘I’m never going to have grandchildren,’ her mum would wail every time it was brought up. Which was a really silly way to look at things, but she had supposed that it was just her mum’s way of dealing with the shock of it all. But no, things just continued to get worse. It went from never having grandchildren, to never going to her daughter’s wedding – which she didn’t – to ‘what will the neighbours say?’ It broke Imogen’s heart to see her mother so distraught but equally, it made her angry, too. She wanted her family to be more like Alice’s. Alice’s parents embraced her sexuality and had been like surrogate parents to Imogen. They were truly amazing people and Imogen was glad to have that positivity in her life when there were already so many negative people trying to inflict upset on them. Like their neighbours, who insisted on shooting them disgusted looks every time they went out together. Alice’s view was very much just let them get on with it. She was an incredibly strong person, who didn’t take any crap from anyone. Whereas Imogen was a worrier. She cared what people thought and what they said. Which was the sole reason it took her so long to eventually come out. She tried to act as if people’s comments didn’t bother her, but they did. A lot. Thank God she had Alice. Her rock. She pulled the test out of the shiny white bathroom cabinet and opened it up. She didn’t need to read the instructions; it wasn’t as though this was the first time she had done one of these. She sat on the toilet and took a deep breath. ‘Here goes,’ she whispered, praying for a miracle. She wasn’t sure she could handle another negative. Chapter 2 (#u09336df7-06ff-5bea-bb77-a82aeef2d32d) ‘Ellie, what are you doing here?’ Zoe whipped her sister into a huge, warm embrace and Ellie instantly felt the urge to cry. She had held onto the emotion for the whole three-hour drive it had taken to get to her sister’s caf?, but the second she had wrapped her arms around her, tears rapidly filled her eyes … ‘Just wanted to see my sister, that’s all,’ she croaked, knowing full well that this line was not going to work on her. Zoe pulled away from Ellie, looking at her in a way clearly indicating that she didn’t buy the story. She still had her hands on Ellie’s shoulders when she added, ‘Really, Els, what’s up?’ ‘I just needed to get away.’ She didn’t need to say any more. Zoe smiled at her – you know, the kind of smile that said Okay, you don’t want to talk, that’s fine – and ushered her into the kitchen at the back of the caf?. ‘Here, sit down and I’ll make you a cuppa.’ Ellie took the proffered stool and instantly felt a rush of relief. Everything was going to be okay. She was here, her big sister would help her and everything would be okay. Zoe and Ellie’s relationship was a close one. They hadn’t been particularly close growing up, but once they got into their teens, their closeness began to grow. And when Zoe decided to fly the nest, she did it properly and moved what felt like a million miles away to Shropshire. It broke Ellie’s heart, not that she showed it, and even though they spoke on the phone pretty much every day, she missed having her big sister just around the corner. When Ellie had flown the nest, she’d moved a hundred yards down the road from their family home. Whilst she was adventurous in the sense that she pursued her career as a make-up artist, slaving away for pretty much no money for hours every day just to get experience until she qualified, she still liked to be close to the family home. When their mum died, nearly ten years ago now, Ellie fell apart. Zoe had come back home to London – it had only been a few months since she had moved to Shropshire – and picked up all the pieces whilst Ellie went off the rails a little. Not a fact she was proud of but she needed to do it. It was her way of coping. Being the older sister had its unwritten responsibilities and Zoe stepped up whilst Ellie crumbled. But Ellie never forgave herself for that. Yet, here she was again – running to Zoe to help pick up the pieces. She would never match up to her perfect sister, so why bother trying? ‘So, come on. You clearly haven’t driven 170-odd miles just to have a cuppa with me. What’s going on?’ ‘Nothing major. Just needed a break and I figured I haven’t seen you for a few months and it was time I came to you.’ She shrugged to add effect to the I’m fine, what’s the big deal persona she had created the second she entered the caf?. Zoe didn’t buy it, but instead of grilling her, she just said, ‘Hmm, fair enough. How long are you here for?’ Ellie hadn’t thought that far ahead. When she saw the little pink line on the test, she’d panicked. She hadn’t even said anything to the director of the shoot she was on, just grabbed her stuff and left. She had numerous calls on her phone throughout the car journey here and a few stroppy voicemails too. This was not going to be good for her reputation. But she didn’t know what else to do. She couldn’t run to her dad for help, he would go mad at her. Ellie was ever the disappointment to him. She was nothing like his Zoe. ‘Why can’t you be more like your sister,’ he would throw at her in the years following their mum’s death. Because Zoe, whilst she mourned, took it as a springboard and catapulted herself into work, opening up the caf? and making it a success. Whereas Ellie struggled to stick at a job and then decided to take up being a make-up artist – much to the dismay of her father. Their relationship broke down and she barely spoke to him now. And normally, in a situation like this, she would go to Chris for advice. But that was off the table, too. So here she was. In Shropshire and indirectly calling out to Zoe for help. She just needed to pluck up the courage to actually tell her. ‘I don’t know yet. I’ve taken a little break from work and I thought I’d come and explore the countryside. See what all the fuss is about!’ she smiled at Zoe, a big fat fake one, and sipped the tea. ‘Ah man, Zoe, you do seriously make a wicked cup of tea. I’ve missed these!’ ‘Why, thank you. Do you know what you’re missing, though?’ Ellie shook her head. ‘A slice of cake. Bakewell or Victoria sponge?’ Ellie thought for a second; there was only one reply to this question at a time like this. ‘Both.’ ***** Pippa had just finished boxing up all the cakes for tomorrow’s delivery to Zoe when Jason walked in the front door. She jumped in surprise at the sound of the door slamming and knocked a box of cupcakes onto the floor. ‘Damn it!’ she cursed, hurriedly picking them up and inspecting the damage. ‘Great!’ All but one cupcake out of the box of twelve, had split open, causing a frosting crime scene. She dumped the box on the side and grabbed a bowl from the cupboard. She could whip up a batch of cupcakes with her eyes closed, but she had looked forward to having a sit-down after her hectic day today, she was so tired. In all the pregnancy books she had read – which was a lot – right about now the baby would be the size of a lentil – how was something that small making her feel so shattered? Jason strolled past the kitchen door without even popping his head in to say hello. Pippa knew instinctively that this must mean he hadn’t had a good day at work. She glanced at the clock; he wasn’t due home for another hour yet. She placed the bowl down onto the side and made her way into the living room. ‘Hi honey, you’re home early?’ He was slumped on the sofa, already flicking through the channels. He didn’t answer. She walked over to him and sat down next to him, placing a hand on his knee. He wasn’t a big man but, at the same time, he wasn’t slim. But that’s what Pippa had always loved about him, having a bit of meat to hold onto. Except that recently he had started to lose weight. Not enough to change his appearance massively, but enough to be noticeable. She knew he had been stressed at work lately because his whole attitude had started to be short and distance. And now it was clearly having an effect on his weight. ‘Everything okay?’ ‘Fine,’ was his reply. He didn’t move to indicate he had felt her hand. ‘What’s happened?’ She tried not to take his bad mood personally, but she couldn’t help it. His sharpness stabbed at her emotions like a knife and she felt the tears prickle behind her eyes as frustration showed its face. He exhaled impatiently and stood up. ‘Just a bad day.’ ‘Well, talk to me. I’m your wife, that’s what I’m here for.’ Same argument, different day. He turned to look at her in frustration, hands brushing through his short, cropped brown hair. ‘Why? You’re hardly going to be able to help me. I come home to chill out, not bring my work home and spend hours talking about it. See, this is what you don’t understand. You skip off every day to your silly little job baking cakes and talking to women when I’m at work slogging my guts out to bring home a decent wage. This house, the bills… those clothes you’re wearing. It’s all because of my job. My hard work. So when I’ve had a bad day, the least you can do is let me chill out and not annoy the hell out of me!’ ‘Jason…’ she started to talk but the tears had now filled her eyes and she hiccupped as one rolled down her cheek. He looked at her and for a fleeting moment she saw irritation in his expression, before he exhaled. ‘I’m sorry, it’s just been a really shitty day at the office and I’d rather not talk about it.’ He put his arm around her and hugged her close, stroking along her back as she snuggled into his chest. ‘Come on, don’t cry. I didn’t mean to take it out on you. You know I don’t mean all that.’ She sniffed back the tears. ‘I just hate seeing you like this. Every day for the last few weeks, you’ve been coming home miserable.’ She felt disappointment settle as she knew her whole revelation of being pregnant was not going to go as planned now. ‘And you know I try my hardest to earn more. I’m trying my best and I promise I will try harder to make more money so that I can help out more. I’m getting there.’ She hated this argument. They bickered regularly and every single time the argument came back to money and how she didn’t contribute as much as he did. And she felt really shit about it. ‘I know, I’m sorry. It’s just things are pretty hectic and today Betty walked out, leaving me with no receptionist and a shed load of meetings planned for next week…’ ‘Oh no!’ she gasped. ‘Why did she walk out?’ Pippa liked Betty. ‘Who knows? She said she’d had enough of being treated the way she was and that she was done. She just stood up and left. Just like that. No word of warning, no letter of resignation, just… gone.’ ‘Honey, I’m sorry.’ She rubbed his arm, but again, he didn’t react. ‘But maybe I can cheer you up?’ A smile immediately crept across his face as he sat back down on the sofa and leaned into her, sliding his hand along her thigh and nuzzling into her neck. ‘No, wait, I didn’t mean that,’ Pippa smiled as she gently pushed him off. ‘Wait here, I’ve got something that might make you smile.’ She jumped up and ran into the kitchen, opening her handbag and rummaging for the card. ‘Shall I just meet you upstairs?’ he called out, innuendo screaming from his comment. ‘No, wait there. I’m coming.’ She grabbed the card and in one swift movement, slid it behind her back to hide. She walked into the living room with the biggest smile plastered across her cheeks. She couldn’t wait to see his face. ‘Are you ready?’ ‘As I’ll ever be,’ came the response and he held out his hands. She placed the card into them and squeaked like a mouse as she sat down next to him again. ‘Go on, open it.’ ‘It’s not my birthday, Pip.’ He eyed the card suspiciously. ‘It’s not a birthday card.’ He looked at her in confusion. ‘Well, what is it, then?’ ‘Just open it and find out!’ He thumbed the envelope open and stared at the Surprise! text. Another glance to her with knitted eyebrows indicated just how baffled he was. ‘Go on…’ she prompted. The excitement was just too much. Swarms of butterflies circled inside her tummy as the anticipation grew. Seven years she had waited for this moment. Seven years she had spent reading textbooks and looking online and planning every second of her dream pregnancy and now was the time. He opened the card and read the words. Silence. He didn’t move for what felt like minutes, though it was probably only a few seconds. Slowly he looked up at her. ‘Are you serious?’ She nodded, hardly able to contain her excitement. ‘Yes.’ He looked back down to the card and then placed his head in his hands. Pippa instantly switched from elation to disappointment. ‘What’s wrong? Aren’t you happy?’ He hesitated before saying, ‘Of course I am.’ ‘Well, it doesn’t look like you are.’ The tears were welling again. He shook his head. ‘I am. It’s just not great timing, with everything going on at work. But it’s fine, we’ll get through it. It’s fine.’ Pippa couldn’t hide her disappointment. She took a deep breath, trying to stop the tears from falling. This wasn’t how this scenario was meant to play out. In her head he had been up and screaming with elation. Jumping around, holding her tight and saying how he couldn’t believe, after this many years, that he was finally about to become a daddy. But no. He didn’t do any of that. He hadn’t even given her a hug. She slid along the sofa towards him and held out her arms. ‘Sorry baby, come here.’ He pulled her in for the cuddle she longed for but it didn’t feel sincere. It felt forced, like he didn’t mean it. ‘We’ll get through this, it’ll be fine. I just need to work out what I’m going to do at work. But it’ll be fine.’ But she didn’t feel fine. She felt cheated. This was supposed to be their life-changing moment. And it had fallen flat on its face. Chapter 3 (#u09336df7-06ff-5bea-bb77-a82aeef2d32d) Ellie looked around the caf? and took it all in. She hadn’t been up here for absolutely ages and was really quite impressed with how far Zoe had come. She let her eyes run over every inch as she sipped at the third cup of tea Zoe had placed in front of her now that she was sitting at a table in the corner. When Zoe had taken the caf? on, it was the most miserable- looking building you could imagine. Paint peeling from the walls, a dingy kitchen that needed some serious TLC and a broken window. But now, looking at it, Ellie couldn’t believe how amazing it looked. She absolutely loved the way Zoe had kept things so simple but it gave such a punch. The walls were kept an off-cream colour, but she had explosions of vibrant pinks and greens to accentuate. Light fittings, the serving hatch and bookshelves, all splashed with colour, kept the room feeling bright and exciting. There was a new addition since the last time she was here too, in the form of a little section in one corner, which housed a few shelving units and a table filled with things to purchase. Ellie stood and took a stroll over to it to browse. The shelves were full of little bits and pieces, bespoke, unique, one-of-a-kind-type objects. She chose a little figurine of two girls playing with some building blocks and was immediately transported back to being four years old and playing with Zoe. She missed those days. When had life become so complicated? It was the teatime rush and there were swarms of people buzzing around and lining up waiting to be served. Ellie had offered to help her sister but was told, categorically, to sit down, have some more tea and relax. Thankful for the excuse to not talk about what was going on in her life, she took the chance and did as she was asked. Weaving her way back to the table she was sitting at, Ellie took her phone out and saw that she had fourteen missed calls, two voicemails and three text messages. She was glad she had put it onto silent when she got here. She knew Jenni wouldn’t let up about the job. She quickly flicked through the texts first. Nothing of interest: just two from work and one from her neighbour asking about the milkman. She led such an interesting life. Next, she scrolled the missed-call list. Pretty much what she expected. Jenni… Jenni… Jenni… oh… She looked at his name. Why had he tried to call her? Did he know? He couldn’t know, she hadn’t told anyone. She felt a wave of nausea creep up and swallowed it down, trying to stop the impending fear creeping up. She hesitated before clicking onto the voicemail and tentatively listening. ‘Ellie, its Jenni,’ Relief flooded her body quicker than a hot shower. ‘I don’t know what is going on with you today but you need to sort yourself out and call me back. I need to know whether I need a new make-up artist for the shoots I have you booked for next week. Call me as soon as you get this, please.’ She wasn’t happy. But then again, neither would Ellie be if someone she had booked for work just up and left without an explanation. She listened as her phone told her she had another new message. ‘Els, it’s me.’ She held her breath as she listened to Chris’s silky voice. ‘Why aren’t you answering my calls? You said you wouldn’t be weird. Come on, pick up.’ She placed her phone on the table and dropped her head into her hands, her straightened hair falling over her shoulders and brushing the tabletop. What had she got herself into? ‘Well, that doesn’t look like someone who is fine.’ Ellie snapped her head up to look at her sister. She laughed nervously, to buy herself some precious seconds of thinking time. ‘I’m just tired after the long drive, that’s all.’ Zoe placed a plate in front of Ellie that had a cheese-and-tomato panini with salad and crisps on the side. ‘Maybe this will help perk you up.’ She followed with a can of Coke and a straw. ‘Thanks, sis.’ ‘No problem. Eat up and when I’ve shut up shop I’ll take you upstairs to sort your stuff. I figure you have stuff with you… in the car?’ Oh right, stuff. That would’ve come in handy ‘Um… actually….’ The thought hadn’t crossed her mind until now. She didn’t bring anything because she just got in the car and drove. Whereas in the past her impulsiveness had brought her many exciting adventures, sometimes it simply backfired. ‘It’s fine. I’ve got everything you’ll need.’ She placed a hand on Ellie’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze. ‘You eat up and we’ll have a chat when we go upstairs. I’ve only got a few more bits to do, so I won’t be long.’ Ellie smiled her thanks and took a bite from her panini. She wasn’t looking forward to this conversation. ***** ‘Imogen, where are you?’ She immediately jumped up from the sofa and ran to the hallway to greet Alice. As she rounded the corner of the stairs, she saw the flowers first. ‘Oh my God, where are you?’ she joked, peering around the huge bunch of flowers to see Alice’s face. ‘These are humungous!’ ‘Only the best for my beautiful girl.’ She handed the flowers to Imogen and leant in for a kiss. Imogen smiled as Alice’s soft lips brushed delicately onto hers. ‘They’re gorgeous, Alice, thank you.’ She looked at the array of pinks and green and instantly fell in love with the vibrant yellow sunflower in the centre of the arrangement. ‘And I got this for me – but you can’t have any, Mummy.’ Alice held up the bottle of champagne and Imogen didn’t care at all. Not one bit. Because she was carrying their first baby. The baby they had longed so many years for. The baby they had spent weeks crying over when the test results had showed a negative time after time. ‘Guess I’ll have to get used to not drinking for the next nine months, eh?’ She rolled her eyes dramatically, but really she couldn’t care less about this fact. ‘It’s okay, I’ll hold the fort and take on your drinking for you.’ ‘Come on, sit down. Put your feet up and I’ll start the dinner.’ Imogen turned to walk away when Alice shouted, ‘Wait!’ Imogen froze as Alice stopped her with her hand and walked back out of the front door. ‘Where are you going?’ She leaned forward and tried to see what she was doing. She watched Alice get another bag out of the boot of her car and return. The smell of vinegar hit her nose as she entered into the hallway and Imogen smiled. ‘Chippy?’ ‘Well, you can’t join me with the champagne, so I figured you have to celebrate somehow.’ ‘You, Alice, are amazing.’ ‘Do you think you can stomach it? How are you feeling now?’ They walked into the kitchen together and Alice grabbed two plates from the cupboard as Imogen found a home for her beautiful bouquet. ‘I feel okay, it comes in waves. Let’s get this down me before the next wave comes.’ Imogen grabbed the ketchup and a glass for Alice’s champagne whilst Alice took the food through to the dining table. ‘So, how was work?’ Imogen asked, delving into the chips as she spoke, their salty taste working wonders on her nausea. It had been ages since she’d eaten a takeaway. They had been trying to be super-healthy whilst trying to conceive, as the consultant had asked them to make sure everything was as good as they could make it to ensure optimum conceiving chances. So Imogen had strictly watched what and how much she ate, trying to get her body to its best so as not to cause any unnecessary problems. But how she had longed for chips from the chippy for months. And Alice knew this. So the fact she’d brought these in today simply showed Imogen the exact reason why she loved her so much. Her thoughtfulness was impeccable and it really mattered. It’s the little things that mean the most and Alice was very good at getting those little things spot on. ‘It was actually quite a good day. We completed some house sales and remember that house we put up last week that had been on with our rivals for months? Well, we sold it today!’ She pulled her long, brown hair back into a ponytail and then continued to eat. ‘You’re joking! How do you do it?’ ‘Because we are brilliant.’ Alice puffed out her chest and Imogen laughed. ‘Seriously, though, that house spent months up with another agent, but we managed to sell it in four days! I’m so proud of the team.’ ‘That’s great news. So we have a few things to celebrate, then?’ ‘Damn right. Have you told your mum?’ Imogen was waiting to see how long it would take her to ask. She had thought of nothing else all day. Every time she even thought of ringing her mum she felt sick – and that wasn’t even the nausea. That was sheer panic. She knew exactly how her mum was going to react. ‘Not yet.’ Alice leant forward and squeezed Imogen’s hand. ‘It’ll be okay, you know that?’ She shrugged. Suddenly she wasn’t hungry any more. ‘Imogen, listen. Whatever happens, you will always have me, okay? I will never let you down and I am not going anywhere. This baby will have us both and it will be loved, no matter what other people want to say to us or behind our backs.’ ‘I know.’ She did know. ‘It’s just hard. I know what she will say. She gets me all worked up, right under my skin. She knows what she is doing.’ ‘She might be fine. She’s finally getting the grandchild she thought she would never have. She might surprise you and be excited.’ Alice tried to put on a confident face but they both knew that was highly unlikely. Imogen snorted. ‘Yeah, and pigs might fly.’ ‘Come on, what’s the worst that might happen?’ Imogen let all the thoughts crowd into her head. Her mum might disown her, feeling so ashamed that her daughter was having a baby with another woman that she couldn’t bear to even look or talk to her any more, so she might decide to cut all ties and leave Imogen without parents, because her dad sure wouldn’t stand up to her mum. Or maybe she’d get really angry and end up shouting abuse down the phone to her. Or worst still, become so upset that Imogen had been a disappointment of a daughter and not what she had ‘brought her up to be’ as she had said on many occasions, and spend the whole time crying down the phone, making Imogen feel like the biggest regret of her mother’s life. But instead of saying all this, she simply replied, ‘I guess I’m just not ready to say anything to her yet. Let’s wait until we have seen the doctor and everything is okay.’ She tried to avoid Alice’s stare. ‘Please?’ she added. ‘Okay, if that’s what you want to do, then I’ll support you.’ Alice stood and slipped out of her suit jacket, revealing her perfectly formed petite body, which Imogen loved. Alice was a confident, powerful, assertive woman, wrapped up in a beautiful petite package. ‘Have you told your mum yet?’ Alice shook her head. ‘I thought we might go and visit them this weekend and tell them in person?’ Alice’s parent lived about half an hour away and Imogen thought about travelling in a car whilst feeling sick, but decided that she needed to feel some support around her. Alice’s parents were amazing. They were sure to be over the moon and she needed to surround herself with positivity at this moment in time. ‘Sounds like a great idea.’ ‘Great, I’ll call after dinner to see when they’re free.’ ‘Okay and we need to call the clinic. Tell them we’ve had a positive test.’ Alice laughed and shook her head. ‘What?’ Imogen couldn’t help but smile along, even though she had no idea what Alice was smiling at. ‘I just can’t believe it, Imogen. We are going to be parents!’ Chapter 4 (#ulink_2771c37b-ea57-507a-b59d-978e32f8d34e) ‘Okay, so you’ve been here about six hours. We’ve spoken about my work, your work, Dad, my new boyfriend and all the latest soaps we’ve both watched over the last week.’ Zoe was staring at her and Ellie struggled to keep the eye contact. She knew this was coming. She knew she would have to speak to Zoe and tell her what was happening, but she just didn’t want to. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to speak to Zoe; she didn’t want to speak to anyone. She wanted to curl up in a ball and pretend this wasn’t happening. But it was. ‘Come on, spill. What’s the real reason you are here?’ ‘What? I can’t just rock up and spend time with my sister every once in a while?’ Ellie played the hurt-sister card but it was having zero effect on Zoe and she simply stuck with her hard stare and disbelief. ‘Okay, fine,’ Ellie conceded, ‘I need your help.’ ‘Okay, and what exactly do you need help with? Money?’ ‘No! When have I ever asked you for money?’ She was offended that her sister thought she would drive all this way just to ask her for money. Plus, she made good money now that she was doing higher-profile jobs with her make-up. Although that probably wasn’t set to last now. Not once word got around that she was unreliable and would just stroll off set whenever she felt like it. She made a mental note to make sure she rang Jenni this weekend to try to repair some of the damage to her reputation before it plummeted. ‘Well, what, then?’ She hesitated and tried to think of a way to word it. How could she tell her sister not only that she was pregnant but who the dad was? She was never going to believe her. And then all the questions would start and Ellie wasn’t even sure she knew the answers. ‘Are you in some sort of trouble?’ Zoe looked worried. ‘No, well, not exactly.’ She exhaled, ‘Kind of.’ ‘Okay, whatever it is, we can sort it, okay? It will be fine. But you need to tell me what’s happening – I can’t help you if you don’t tell me.’ Ellie felt a twinge of irritation at the way Zoe was speaking, as if she was her mum. Whilst it was nice to have Zoe to turn to, when she spoke like that it only reminded Ellie that her mum wasn’t there. And no one could fill that gap, no matter how much Zoe tried. She threw her hands up and dropped them down into her lap with a here goes gesture and said, ‘I’m pregnant.’ There, she had said it. It was the first time she had said it, too. Out loud. She had been over this conversation a million times in her head as she made the long car journey to the caf?, but as soon as those words came rushing out of her mouth, she felt the uncontrollable urge to burst into tears. Whether it was sadness or relief that she had told someone who could help her, but her eyes filled with gloom and she let the one tear fall over the edge and escape down her cheek. ‘I’m sorry,’ she added as an afterthought, although she didn’t know why she was apologising. ‘Oh, Els, don’t be sorry!’ Zoe immediately jumped up from the other end of the sofa in the flat above the caf? where Zoe lived and was right by her side, arms around her and rubbing her back as Ellie began to sob. ‘Why didn’t you tell me sooner? You don’t have to keep something like this bottled up. How long have you known?’ ‘I only found out this morning,’ she mumbled into Zoe’s shoulder. ‘Wow, okay.’ Zoe squeezed her harder as she continued to sob. ‘Come on, it’s going to be okay. You can do this.’ Ellie pulled back in surprise. ‘What do you mean, I can do this? How am I going to do this? I’m not ready to be a mum. I’ve got my career; my flat is too small to have a baby… Zoe, I’m not even in a relationship!’ Sheer panic was rising fast inside her chest and she realised that she hadn’t actually thought of any of this until just now. ‘Ellie,’ she pulled her back and looked straight into her eyes. ‘It will be okay. I promise.’ She nodded to show that she had heard her, not that she agreed with her. ‘Now, take a deep breath and calm down.’ She did as she was asked and, actually, once she pushed aside the impending feeling of dread, she actually felt a little relieved to have got it off her chest. She was no longer alone in this battle. She had Zoe and she would help her. She had to. ‘Now, first things first.’ Zoe stood up and went to the kettle. ‘A nice cuppa and a choccie biscuit sorts out everything.’ Zoe then threw over a box of tissues, which landed on the sofa next to Ellie. ‘And wipe your eyes; we are going to sort this out together. Okay?’ She nodded and grabbed a tissue. ‘Oh wait!’ Ellie snapped her head up to look at Zoe, startled by the sudden increase in volume in Zoe’s voice. ‘Whose is it, then?’ ‘What?’ Ellie replied, buying herself yet more time. ‘Whose is it, if you aren’t in a relationship at the moment?’ Ellie shook her head and dropped eye contact. How could she tell her who the baby’s dad was? Whilst Ellie and Zoe were close, no one really knew the kind of relationship she and Chris had. It had worked for them for years. But people wouldn’t understand, especially her sister, who knew Chris very well. ‘Do I know him? I do, don’t I?’ Zoe’s face lit up. ‘Oh my God, is it that guy you were seeing from the film?’ Ellie creased her face in disgust. ‘God, no! He was nice to look at but he was lousy in bed.’ ‘Being lousy doesn’t stop you getting pregnant, though.’ ‘That’s true.’ Ellie drew another tissue from the box and wiped her face dry. She had not cried this much for years. She didn’t do crying. It was weak. And she wasn’t weak. Although she felt it at times, she couldn’t let her outer self show this. When people saw you were weak, they took advantage of that and she wasn’t one to be taken advantage of. It was her against the world – with Zoe, of course. But they lived so far apart, Ellie felt alone a lot of the time, especially since their dad was not interested in her or anything she did. Unless she was Zoe, she couldn’t live up to what he wanted from her. So it was easier to just let go and get on with her life. She didn’t need him. She didn’t need anyone. ‘Was it that guy you started seeing a few months ago, the guy Chris set you up with from the pub?’ She tensed at hearing his name. Ellie remembered her dates with that guy; he had clearly stated he wanted nothing but fun and being annoyed at Chris for whatever reason it was at that time, she had agreed. But she found herself unable to go through with the type of relationship he wanted and ended it. It was only a matter of weeks after that that she and Chris had slept together again. ‘So…’ Zoe held out her hands, waiting for a reply. ‘Nope, not him.’ ‘Oh come on, why won’t you tell me?’ She slammed her hands on the sofa in frustration, briefly showing a more immature side. ‘Okay, fine. But I don’t want any comments.’ Ellie pointed at her sister, warning her. ‘Why would I make a comment?’ ‘Because I know you and I know what you will say.’ ‘I promise I won’t make a comment.’ She froze, expectantly waiting for Ellie to speak. ‘It’s Chris.’ Zoe gasped and then clamped her hand over her mouth. ‘You said you wouldn’t say anything!’ Ellie watched as Zoe frantically shook her head, still keeping her hand tight over her mouth. It was as if she was desperately holding in the words that wanted to spill out of her mouth. Ellie could see the smile that was splayed across her face, even behind her hand. They stood there in silence for a minute and then Ellie added. ‘Okay, fine. I can’t stand the silence. Just say something.’ Zoe dropped her hand and revealed the warmest, biggest smile. ‘Els, this is amazing!’ ‘How’s that now?’ She knew Zoe would react like this. That’s why she didn’t want to tell her. She didn’t want this to cloud her judgement about what she should do next. ‘Because, it’s Chris! He is going to be the best dad! You’re like, best friends!’ ‘I know; that’s why this is so weird! It’s Chris, for God’s sake. We don’t do things like having a baby! We are supposed to be out, getting drunk, eating junk food and watching reruns of Friends until 4am.’ She felt a tingle inside as she relived it – the number of Saturday nights they spent doing exactly that. ‘That’s a good point, how did this happen?’ Zoe walked back to the sofa and plonked herself down next to Ellie, bringing her legs up and crossing them underneath her as if she was about to get some really juicy gossip. Which, to be fair, she probably was. Ellie skipped past the fact that they had done the whole sex thing a few times now and just referred to the latest time – which Zoe clearly thought was a one-off. ‘He came with me to a product-launch night I was invited to go to a couple of months ago. It was a free bar, we had too much to drink, I had bought a new dress… you get the gist.’ ‘This is crazy. What does he say about it all?’ Ellie looked at her sister and pulled a face. ‘You haven’t told him? Ellie!’ She playfully pushed her arm as she berated her. ‘What? I panicked and I literally jumped in the car and drove here.’ Great, now she was feeling guilty as well as emotional and very, very tired. ‘So he doesn’t even know? You have to tell him.’ ‘What? No!’ The panic was back. ‘Zoe, I can’t just call him up and say hey, you know that night we shagged, well, turns out I’m pregnant!’ She rolled her eyes. ‘Imagine what he would do. Imagine what he would say! He’d run a bloody mile!’ ‘Would he, though? Ellie, that guy loves you to pieces.’ She shook her head. ‘No, he doesn’t, not like that.’ ‘He bloody does. You two are perfect for each other; you’re both just too bloody stubborn to admit it!’ ‘That’s not true.’ ‘Oh whatever. Fact is, you are pregnant and you do have to tell him.’ She knew Zoe was right. But she wasn’t about to admit that to her face. She just needed some time to figure out what the hell was she going to do next? Chapter 5 (#ulink_4bd7af83-896e-5d0b-9387-f3c278ad4429) The little bell above the door of the caf? tinkled as Pippa walked through, armed with numerous boxes – and many more in the van outside. She was greeted by Zoe as she quickly ran over to swipe the boxes from her clutches. ‘Should you be carrying all this yourself, Pip?’ Zoe manoeuvred the shop floor with ease, winding in and out of the tables with her tiny frame and long legs, boxes balanced high. ‘Zoe, I’m pregnant, not ill. I think I can manage a few cake boxes.’ She laughed at her friend’s concern and retrieved more boxes from the back of her little van. ‘Here, take a seat. I want to talk to you about something.’ Pippa handed over the final few boxes and sat down at the counter. ‘Everything okay?’ She watched Zoe as she looked over her shoulder, back into the kitchen, and then leant in to say in a quiet voice. ‘My sister turned up yesterday.’ ‘Oh, that’s nice. Did you know she was coming?’ She took in the whispering and constant checking over her shoulder that Zoe was doing and added, ‘Are you afraid the FBI are following you?’ ‘What? No! I don’t want Ellie to hear me.’ Pippa laughed. ‘Okay. So why is your sister visiting a big secret?’ ‘It’s not a secret, but she will go mad if she thinks I’m talking about her.’ Pippa watched as Zoe set about slicing the cakes she had just delivered and put them out on display. ‘You want me to help slice? Then you can tell me whatever it is that’s got you acting so weird.’ She stood and joined Zoe on the other side, pulling a lemon meringue from its box and slicing through the vibrant-yellow creation. It was actually quite therapeutic watching the blade slowly drag through the mixture, forming straight lines of perfection. ‘So how long is your sister here for? Is she okay?’ ‘Not really. She’s got herself into a bit of a situation and she wants me to help. But I just don’t know what to do for the best.’ ‘Well, what’s the situation? Maybe I can help.’ She was willing to do anything that would take her mind off what was going on at home. Jason had still been acting weird when he got up for work this morning and left without even saying goodbye. Announcing her pregnancy – that the two of them had waited so long for – should be such an exciting time. Yet she couldn’t help but feel Jason was more upset than elated. She had spent hours last night after Jason went to bed scouring the internet, looking for ways to increase her business potential and bring in more money, but the thought that the baby would be here in less than a year was constantly biting away at the back of her mind. ‘She’s just found out she’s pregnant.’ ‘Oh wow! That’s great news. There must be something in the water, eh!’ Pippa laughed but immediately sensed that Zoe wasn’t in the mood for jokes. ‘You’re not happy she’s pregnant?’ ‘It’s not that! I’m over the bloody moon. I’m going to be an aunty, it’s amazing.’ ‘So, what’s wrong?’ Zoe put down the knife she was using to cut the brownies and exhaled agitatedly. ‘I don’t know if she is going to keep it.’ Pippa felt as if she had been punched in the stomach. The wind was temporarily knocked out of her and she tried her best to not show how devastating those words were to her. As someone who had tried for a baby for so many years and struggled so much to conceive, the thought of someone terminating a pregnancy just like that was haunting. But this was Zoe’s sister and she needed to be supportive and non-judgemental. ‘Wow, that is a huge decision. What makes you think that – did she actually say she wants to get rid of it?’ ‘Yeah, she’s terrified. She’s clearly panicking and not realising what she’s saying. I know my sister and I know how she deals with things when times get hard, and I’m just so worried she is going to go off the rails again and do something stupid. You see, the guy whose baby it is, Chris, he’s such a nice guy! He and Ellie have been best friends ever since I can remember. Growing up they were always together – like two peas in a pod.’ ‘So, are they together?’ Zoe shook her head. ‘No, but they should be. He loves her to pieces and I know she feels the same, but they keep up this whole ‘we’re just friends’ thing and it’s stupid. Everyone around them can see how in love they are, everyone apart from them.’ ‘And now she’s pregnant with his baby?’ ‘Yup! Crazy one-night stand, as far as I understand.’ ‘Have you tried just explaining to her what you’re worried about?’ ‘We had the longest chat last night; she said she doesn’t know what she’s going to do and that she just needed time to think. That’s why she’s come up here, to get away from it all. Chris doesn’t know yet – although I did say to her that she has to tell him – and she is very hormonal. This, for Ellie, isn’t a good thing because she can’t handle emotions. She doesn’t just cry and let it all out like the rest of us do; she’s like another species. She bottles it all up and it ends up having a detrimental effect on either her mind or her body. When Mum died, she completely lost it and I struggled to keep her head above the water, so to speak.’ Zoe had stopped slicing now and was full-on facing Pippa, concern etched over every part of her face. ‘Pip, I’m just worried she’ll do something stupid and regret it for the rest of her life.’ Pippa knew exactly what Zoe was talking about and leaned over to give her just a single squeeze of her hand, just to let her know. ‘I never told her about what happened to me, and I can’t tell her now, it’s too far down the line. But the thought of her not having this baby, it’s heart-breaking. I don’t know what to do to convince her to just stop and think.’ ‘Unfortunately, it’s her decision, I’m afraid. All you can do is be there for her. I’m sure she won’t do anything without thinking it through.’ Zoe gave a little laugh before saying, ‘You don’t know my sister.’ Her head snapped round to the kitchen door as it opened. Pippa followed her glance to the door and saw Ellie walk in. She hadn’t met Ellie in person before and the first thing she noticed was her beautiful, long blonde hair cascading over her shoulder and the full face of make-up. Whilst Pippa had more of a natural look, Ellie’s make- up was stunning, flawless. She oozed perfection and even with the jogging bottoms and t-shirt she was sporting, she looked glamorous. It must run in the family, as Zoe always looked chic and effortless. She wore less make-up than her sister but hers was a natural beauty and she carried it off very well. ‘Morning! How are you feeling today?’ Zoe chirped in her normal cheery voice that she used on everyone. Pippa was one of the only people to ever see Zoe stressed or miserable. They had been friends for some time now, but recently their friendship had become quite a close one. Zoe was opening up a lot more to Pippa and she was glad to have a friend to talk to. Not that Pippa opened up completely to anyone. If anyone knew how her home life had been more recently, they would think badly not only of Jason, but of her for staying with him. And that was more hassle than it was worth. Nobody needed to know about things at home. She knew her friends would talk her out of the marriage and now that they had a baby on the way, there was no way she was going to walk away. No matter what he did – or had done in the past. As far as anyone was concerned, she and Jason had a wonderful marriage and a baby on the way. End of story. ‘I’m okay.’ Ellie glanced over to Pippa so she smiled, hoping it looked normal and not full of sympathy. ‘Hi,’ she added to Pippa. ‘Oh, Ellie, this is my friend Pippa. She’s the lady who does all my cakes.’ ‘Oh, so you’re who I have to thank for the most amazing Bakewell I’ve ever had.’ Pippa blushed, ‘Aw, thank you. I’m glad you liked it.’ ‘Pippa makes the most amazing cakes. I remember when she first came in the shop and offered her services. She brought in a tray of samples the next day and, oh my God, I was in love.’ Pippa beamed at the memory. She had only just started out her baking business from home and was so nervous about drumming up enough business to stay afloat and make it work. But she had actually done all right over the years, considering she’d built it from nothing. Well, that’s what she thought. After six months of trading, Jason had persuaded her to give up her job at the bakery she worked in and go it alone completely, so she could throw herself fully into it. It worked and she expanded a little in that time, but it was never enough for him and he was always making comments about how he was holding things together all the time. But she kept plodding along with a smile on her face because of people like Zoe, who told her she was doing amazing things. When things were falling apart behind the scenes, Pippa was able to still project this image of perfection, with her business going from strength to strength. Albeit in baby steps. But now that there was a baby on the way, she was worried that she wouldn’t be able to keep this image up. She couldn’t handle people talking about her behind her back. And she was prepared to do anything to make sure that didn’t happen. ***** Imogen watched out of the window as the world passed by. They were on their way to Alice’s parents’ house and she was so incredibly nervous, the nausea she was already suffering from had increased tenfold. She didn’t understand why she was nervous. She knew deep down that Alice’s parents would be nothing but elated over this news. This was her mother’s doing. Every time she was about to do anything big like this, her mother’s words of disappointment hung over her like a wet blanket, pushing down onto her lungs, making her feel claustrophobic. Nothing she could do would please her mum, because the only thing she saw in Imogen was the fact that she was gay. Nothing else seemed to matter. And as much as Imogen embraced the fact that she was in love with a woman, there was still that small part of her that her mum was able to attack with just a few words, which made her confidence come crashing down. All she ever wanted was her mum’s approval. Clearly that was too much to ask for. ‘Are you okay? You look a bit peaky?’ Alice glanced over to her as she drove and then rested her hand on top of Imogen’s. ‘I’m fine. Just feeling a big sick, that’s all.’ She placed her other hand in the pocket of her hoodie, resting it on her stomach. ‘It’s going to be okay; you know that, don’t you?’ She didn’t know that. There were so many things that could go wrong both with this pregnancy and everything else that it entailed. And her mum. Just thinking about her mum brought on so much anxiety. ‘I really admire you, Alice.’ Alice laughed in response. ‘Really? Why?’ ‘You’re just so positive about everything. You see the good that can come out of every situation; nothing ever fazes you.’ She wished she could be more like Alice. ‘Oh, come on, Ims, you know that’s not true.’ Alice kept glancing over to her as she drove. ‘It is! You never worry about things; you just get on with it and make things happen. You don’t worry about what other people think and you just breeze through life, enjoying it.’ Anxiety settled in the pit of her stomach and she recognised the feeling instantly. Having suffered with anxiety attacks in the past due to stress, she knew the warning signs. She concentrated on her breathing and looked out of the window so that Alice couldn’t see panic in her eyes. She kind of wished she hadn’t worn the hoodie now as she felt a bead of sweat trickle down her chest. She rolled her sleeves up, exhaling. ‘Listen. You are an incredibly strong woman. You have so much to be happy about; you don’t even need to entertain anyone else who wants to be negative in your life. You have me, and we have this baby – that is all you will ever need.’ She nodded but didn’t answer. She could feel her heart rate increasing, pounding, reverberating through every inch of her skin. The high-pitched noise ringing in her ears as she desperately tried to slow her breathing. Don’t do this, not now, she told herself. She concentrated on the spot of dirt that she could see on the window. She needed to channel all her energy into this spot, focus, bring everything down a level and breathe. In through her nose; out through her mouth. She needed to do this as discreetly as she could; she couldn’t let Alice see that this anxiety was making a comeback. And because of her mum, yet again. All she ever wanted was to have that close mother-daughter relationship that others had with their mums. And now she was pregnant, it just highlighted the fact that she didn’t have this with her mum. She would never have that mother-daughter best-friend relationship – and that hurt more than anything. But she couldn’t go through what she did before when the anxiety got too much. It took over her life and caused so many problems both in her relationship and at work. She was determined not to let that happen again. She just needed to focus. Thankfully Alice had taken her silence as thoughtfulness and was giving her a few minutes. Imogen leant over and turned the volume dial on the music up a little, letting the song wash over her. She didn’t recognise the song but the heavy guitar solo was too much for her brain, it made her feel erratic and stressed. She flicked the button and selected the next station. A gentle, but upbeat song was playing and she instantly felt a little lighter. She left it playing and leant her head on the headrest of her chair, closing her eyes and steadying her breathing. She could do this. She just needed to take things one step at a time. Get through the here and now and she could sort the mum issue out when she felt stronger. She felt Alice’s hand again on hers and she wrapped her fingers around hers, taking comfort in knowing she’d always have her Alice. ***** ‘I can’t believe how busy this place gets.’ Ellie turned the dishwasher on for another cycle and began to stack away the plates she had just unloaded. ‘I mean, seriously, when do you get a chance to have a cuppa yourself?’ Zoe laughed. ‘Don’t be silly. I am here to make other people tea and coffee, not drink it myself.’ She was busy plating up a panini and slid the plate along to the serving hatch, already pulling out some bread for the next order. ‘Is it always this manic?’ ‘On a Saturday at lunchtime, yeah.’ ‘That’s crazy.’ Ellie closed the cupboard and wiped the tops with antibacterial spray. ‘I mean, it’s great and all, but it’s crazy!’ ‘What can I say? People love my sandwiches.’ Zoe was a total natural at working, constantly moving her hands and running here and there, but looking as cool and calm as a cucumber as she did so. ‘You were always good in the kitchen, to be fair. Me, I couldn’t boil an egg without ruining it. Remember that time I was making cheese on toast for us all because Mum said it was about time I started doing the lunch and I totally forgot about it and started watching that model programme?’ ‘Oh God, you nearly burnt down the house!’ Ellie laughed fondly. ‘I know! But she never asked me to do lunch again – winning!’ she sang. ‘Well,’ Zoe said as she slid a plate of salad and some prawns towards her sister. ‘You’d better learn some basics fast, sis, because you’re not staying here rent-free without lifting a finger. Prawn and avocado salad on there, please.’ Ellie looked at the ingredients in front to her. ‘Prawn and avocado salad,’ she repeated, almost to herself, nodding. ‘Fair enough, no cooking required – I can do that.’ ‘Of course you can. Stop always putting yourself down.’ Zoe threw a tea towel at her. ‘Well, when you’ve grown up with Little Miss Perfect over there it’s hard to stand out.’ ‘Oh believe me, Els, you stand out all right.’ Zoe chopped some lettuce and said, almost under her breath, ‘And Miss Perfect, I ain’t!’ Two hours later and they finally got to take a five-minute break. Ellie slumped into a chair and sipped at her tea. ‘Oh, my goodness, this is pure heaven. How do you do that every day?’ ‘Well, to be fair, it isn’t that crazy every second of every day. Saturdays are busy. That’s just the way things are in a caf?. Although, saying that, I am very lucky, we do get a steady stream of customers in every day. There are quieter periods during the week, but generally, it’s doing okay.’ ‘You’ve really made this work. You’ve done so well.’ She felt a smile of pride sneak over her lips. ‘Thanks, sis. It hasn’t been easy, but I got there in the end. Dad was brilliant with helping me start up and, I have to give him his due, he’s always been around ever since.’ Zoe knew what she was doing. ‘Yeah, thanks for rubbing it in.’ She felt a surge of annoyance at the mention of her dad. Everyone knew that he worshipped Zoe and his princess could do no wrong. Ellie couldn’t do anything right when it came to her father. Not that she cared what he thought. ‘Oh, be quiet! I’m not rubbing it in. I’m just saying, he’s not as bad as you like to make out he is.’ ‘Zoe, the man couldn’t give two shits about me. As far as he is concerned, he only has one daughter.’ ‘That’s not true and you know it!’ Zoe’s voice was stern, but she wasn’t angry. ‘Of course it is. When Mum died, all he cared about was making sure you were okay. He wasn’t interested in what I had to say.’ She tried not to let the jealousy show, but she could feel the feelings from her childhood rear their ugly heads. She tried to push them back down into the box she kept them tightly locked in. ‘Ellie, that’s because you didn’t have anything you wanted to say. You were so hell-bent on self-destruction that you didn’t even talk to any of us. Dad had a hard time too.’ ‘I spoke to you, didn’t I?’ She could feel the emotion already creeping up her throat, making it feel sticky and restricted. ‘Yeah, only because you had no choice.’ ‘No, because you made time for me. He didn’t even care.’ ‘Come on, you’re being silly. Stop making yourself the victim all the time. It was a hard time for us all. You can’t hold that against him for the rest of his life. You’re being selfish. Are you telling me that you would rather stay stubborn and have no parents than make amends and make the most of the parent you do still have?’ Zoe had leant forward now into Ellie’s face, making her argument more prominent. Ellie stood up as a bolt of frustration shot through her body. ‘Are we really having this conversation? I came here because I wanted help from my sister, not because I wanted the third degree about why my dad doesn’t care about me.’ She stormed towards the kitchen door that led out to the back of the caf? shop. ‘Oh, for goodness sake, he does care about you.’ She threw her hands up. ‘Where are you going?’ ‘Out.’ And she slammed the door behind her as she left. She had no idea where she was going to go, but she needed to go somewhere. There was no way she was going to cry over something as silly as her dad. ***** ‘Okay, this is it. Are you ready?’ Imogen smiled at Alice as she nodded. ‘As ready as I’ll ever be.’ She had spent the remainder of the car journey calming herself, using various techniques she had learnt previously to deal with her anxiety. Thankfully it hadn’t developed into anything she couldn’t handle. She put it down to the additional hormones that were whizzing around her body at the moment. Her poor body had been through so much recently, what with all the testing and medical interventions, it was no wonder she felt a bit alien to it. They exited the car and made their way to the front door of Alice’s parents’ house. It was a beautiful detached bungalow with the most adorable little front garden. Whilst the front of the house was fairly close to the country lane it was built on, the back garden more than made up for it, stretching back as far as Imogen could see, reaching the woods that lay beyond. Alice’s parents took pride in their bungalow and this was clear to see from the well-kept gardens and immaculate furnishings within. Imogen remembered the first time she had been here years ago. Stunned by the modern refurbishment Alice’s parents had undertaken shortly after they’d moved in, the bungalow felt fresh, bright and free-flowing. Having downsized after Alice and her brother moved out, her parents had bought a smaller home, but had completely gutted it and transformed it into what they wanted. They had even built an annexe in the garden for when their children came to stay. Whilst Alice and Imogen only lived half an hour down the road, Alice’s brother had moved abroad and so, when he came to stay with his family, they were able to have some privacy but be close to their parents. It was the loving family that Imogen has always wished for, but had never really had. Even more reason to make sure her baby would have the upbringing she didn’t and Alice was more than up for the job. Imogen felt nervous, but more of an excited nervousness. Alice parents were lovely and they totally embraced them and their relationship. The girls could be themselves whenever they were round there and it was like a breath of fresh air. Alice rang the doorbell and bounced on her feet excitedly. ‘Here goes.’ She gave a little squeal to emphasise her excitement. ‘Alice, Imogen, come in!’ Alice’s mum was tall and slender and she had the most beautiful long, chestnut hair, which she always wore in a plait. Older than Imogen’s parents, Alice’s parents were both retired and having run their own business for many years, were in a very good financial position. She ushered the girls in and greeted them both with a hug and a kiss. ‘Your father is in the garden sparking up the barbecue.’ ‘Oh nice! You should’ve said you were going to do a barbecue, we would’ve brought some food with us.’ ‘Oh, it was a last-minute thing, you know your father. He has these good ideas and you have to strike while it’s hot. Plus we didn’t know the weather was going to be like this, so we’re doing it before the rain comes. We’ve got plenty of food anyway.’ She turned to Imogen. ‘Are you okay, sweetie, you look a little peaky today?’ Imogen was stumped for a response, concentrating so hard on not blurting out their good news just yet, she froze and couldn’t think of a reply that wasn’t ‘I’m pregnant!’ ‘She’s fine, she’s just tired, that’s all,’ Alice chipped in and Imogen smiled in thanks as Alice’s mum walked off into the kitchen shouting, you’ll need a cardy on though, Alice – the wind is chilly. ‘I don’t know why that happened,’ she whispered as she followed Alice through to the conservatory. ‘It’s fine. We will tell them in a minute and get it out, so you don’t have to keep it in.’ Alice smiled lovingly at Imogen, her big brown eyes creasing around the edges as she did so. ‘You’re such a weirdo, I love it.’ They walked out into the brightly lit conservatory and through into the garden, where she could see Alice’s dad standing broadly over the barbecue, placing various slabs of meat onto the grill. ‘Hey, Dad,’ Alice called out as she approached him. ‘Any excuse for a barbecue, hey? What’s cooking?’ ‘There’s my girl.’ He stepped away from the barbecue and pulled her into a huge embrace, kissing her forehead. ‘And there’s my other girl.’ He repeated the same for Imogen. From the word go, Alice’s parents had treated Imogen like a second daughter. ‘Hi, how are you?’ she asked as she pulled out a chair from the table and sat down. ‘Yes, I’m good. Been tinkering with that car I showed you both last week, you know, the Stag?’ Imogen loved how passionate Alice’s dad was about cars. Alice had grown up with going to car auctions with her dad and helping him fix up old cars to sell on. More recently, he had been branching out into classic cars and a Triumph Stag was one of his favourites. He was so excited when he found this one last week, he had called Alice up and the pair of them had talked cars for almost an hour. Imogen didn’t understand the fascination, but she respected his passion and always engaged in conversation with him about his latest challenge whenever they met up. ‘How’s it going? Is it up and running yet?’ Imogen asked, feeling happy at the inclusion. ‘Oh, it’s a blinder. I’ll show you both after we’ve eaten. Here, Alice, you’ll take it for a spin, see how she runs?’ ‘Course, Dad.’ Alice was going back and forth into the kitchen to help her mum bring out some food for the table. ‘You don’t mind, do you, Ims?’ ‘Course she doesn’t mind. We can have a girly chat whilst you two are off doing your father- daughter-car thingy.’ Imogen laughed at Alice’s mum’s struggle with defining their quality time. ‘Well, that’s sorted, then.’ Because Alice had been a real daddy’s girl growing up – and still was – her mum had taken Imogen under her wing from the word go and she could tell that Alice’s mum secretly loved doing more girly things with her and talking about celebrities and clothes shopping and all your stereotypical ‘girl’ things. As much as Imogen and Alice were not your stereotypical gay couple, when it came to things like shopping and celebrities, Alice couldn’t give a monkeys, whereas her mum loved a gossip with Imogen. ‘Did you see that programme last night about the plastic surgery? That woman’s nose!’ Alice’s mum’s face was hilarious; the shock made her eyebrows rise and practically touch her hairline. She continued to pour out some juice for Imogen. ‘I mean, I know when we all get a bit older some of us like to get some help in the looks department. Hell, I wouldn’t say no to a few fillers here and there,’ she laughed, ‘but that nose job was horrendous!’ ‘I didn’t see it. Not sure I have the guts to have surgery for anything. Imagine if it went wrong – especially on your face!’ ‘You don’t need surgery, my lovely. You are perfect as you are.’ ‘I’ll second that!’ Alice said from behind Imogen and she jumped in surprise. ‘You scared the life out of me; I thought you were in the kitchen.’ Alice placed the salad bowl in the centre of the table and laughed. ‘Sorry.’ When Alice had finished bringing all the food out and she had sat down at the table to join everyone else, she looked at Imogen and gave the slightest nod. Imogen nodded in return. They had agreed this little secret-code exchange before they’d left. Their way of letting each other know that they were ready to do the big announcement. Imogen took a deep breath. ‘Mum, Dad, we have some news.’ Imogen watched as Alice’s mum’s face began to light up. She had guessed already. Although, when someone says they have news, and they are already married, it is automatically your next thought. Alice’s dad, however, was still oblivious. ‘We are having a baby!’ Alice’s mum was already squealing and had jumped up instantly, pulling her daughter in for a huge hug. ‘Oh, my God, girls, that’s amazing news!’ ‘Well, bloody hell!’ Alice’s dad, stood up. ‘Come here!’ He pulled Alice from her mum’s grasp and squeezed her into another. Imogen didn’t have much time to take it in because Alice’s mum was now pulling her up, wrapping her arms around her and saying, ‘Imogen, this is the best news!’ ‘Thanks, we can’t quite believe it ourselves.’ And here was her dad, pulling Imogen in for a cuddle. They all took their seats back at the table. ‘When did this all happen? I mean, how long have you known?’ Alice’s mum was now sobbing. She took the tissue her husband was holding out for her and dabbed her eyes. ‘Imogen took the test yesterday morning. She got sent home from work because she was throwing up and she called me and then took the test and it was positive!’ Pride swelled in her chest as she listened to Alice retell the story. Alice was so excited and happy, the words were just tumbling out of her mouth and Imogen felt so emotional knowing that she was a part of the reason for making Alice so happy. ‘This calls for a celebration. I’ll get the special champagne out from the garage.’ Alice’s dad pointed at Imogen as he left the table. ‘Not for you, mind, you can have some orange juice.’ He winked at her and she laughed as she saluted him. This was exactly how telling your parents should go. Chapter 6 (#ulink_30045d28-97af-578a-88f6-723ada865ac6) Pippa waited another half an hour before she picked up her phone and began to type. She hated it when he made her feel like this. It wasn’t as though she was an obsessive wife who needed to know where her husband was at every point during every day, but recently he had been so distracted when he was at home, she couldn’t help but wonder where he was when he wasn’t with her. This morning he had got up early and left, after telling her yesterday that he had some things to do at the office today and that he wouldn’t be too long. Even though it was a Saturday, she had been okay with it because she thought he wouldn’t be too long, as he had said. But it was now nearly five and he was still not home. She had tried everything to distract herself from the thoughts that had been accumulating in her mind. She couldn’t push out the images from before and what it had amounted to. Surely he wouldn’t do that to her again? After doing her normal delivery to the caf? first thing, she had traipsed around town, picking up a few things for her bakes next week, some pregnancy essentials (which she had secretly really enjoyed doing after waiting so long to finally be able to buy them) and dinner for this evening, which she had decided would be a little celebration dinner following their amazing news yesterday. And finally, returning home to an empty house, she decided to clean the kitchen. Cleaning was her go-to thing to do when she was stressed. A tidy house; a tidy mind was her motto. It was also the way, her friends had learned, that everyone kept tabs on how Pippa was feeling. They knew that when the house was sparkling, Pippa had something on her mind or was feeling stressed about work-related things – not that she would ever admit to it. She took pride in everyone thinking she was the perfect housewife and business owner. Funnily enough, no one ever questioned her marriage. She supposed that was because, on the surface, Pippa had a fairytale marriage. She and Jason had met in high school and got together when they were just fifteen. They split up for a bit when Jason had got itchy feet about being tied down and she had caught him texting another woman. She later found out he had been having an affair with her. But after a few years apart, he came back to her, claiming to have got it out of his system. He missed her and wanted to settle down and they had got married the following year. Jason had been at his job at the communications company since he started when he was seventeen and had worked his way up the career ladder to manager. Of course, when he started, he was simply an assistant to the assistant of the regional manager. Their friends would joke that he was an assistant’s assistant and would tease him about having such a mediocre job. But he worked hard and had now worked up to being regional manager himself. He worked long hours, but it was financially rewarding and meant they could buy their dream home out in the Shropshire countryside that they had both always dreamed of. It also meant that they were financially stable enough so that Pippa could take a step back from work temporarily when she had the baby. This had been the case for quite some time now, but she just hadn’t fallen pregnant. But now, she had finally conquered that stage and was now well on her way to fulfilling their dreams and starting the family she had always wanted. Except, behind the perfect marriage image that she and Jason portrayed, things were falling apart. He was spending more and more time at work recently and she hardly got to see him. He would come home stressed and, as a result, they would argue and whenever he had time at home, or if they went on holiday, after a couple of days of niceties, he would become distracted and distant and she felt she had to fight for his attention away from his mobile phone. ‘It’s work stuff’ he would tell her, ‘I can’t just leave them at the office fending for themselves without me; the place would fall apart if I wasn’t there.’ Which was lovely, knowing how important he was to the company, but when you are out for a romantic meal on holiday and your husband keeps whipping out his phone, it is hardly the romantic dinner a girl dreams of. How’s it going? Will you be much longer? Xx She sent the message and waited another half an hour before trying to call. Voicemail. She left a message for him to call her when he got it and finally, at six-thirty, she heard from him. ‘Hi, sweetheart, sorry I took so long. Things have been manic here. I swear, without me, this place would go under!’ ‘Well they are incredibly lucky to have such a hardworking employee. I didn’t think it was going to take so long today. I thought you would be home by midday.’ She was being totally honest when she said this. When he said to her yesterday that he had to go in and sort some things out, she thought two, maybe three, hours maximum, and then they could go out and spend some quality time together. He had been working so much recently, it was actually a miracle she had even fallen pregnant. Had they not had that crazy weekend last month, she would have claimed miraculous conception or even tested the theory of ‘there must be something in the air’. ‘Yeah, well, so did I, but as soon as I sorted one problem out, another one materialised.’ ‘Is it that Patrick again?’ ‘Yeah, the guy is a liability.’ She sighed. This bloke who worked there, Patrick, seemed to be at the bottom of everything that got messed up at Jason’s work. Pippa was a very forgiving person, but this Patrick was really starting to get on her nerves. ‘How comes he hasn’t been fired by now? This guy has been causing you so much extra work; surely he’s had his quota of mistakes by now?’ ‘You would think, but it’s out of my hands. I’ve told the guys up in head office about him but apparently he’s really good at his job, in general, so they seem to overlook all these little mistakes he’s making. It doesn’t seem to matter that it creates a whole barrage of work for other people.’ ‘So it’s not just you, there are other people that have to go in of a weekend to catch up?’ ‘Yeah, there’s a few of us here. The guy has a lot to answer for, causing this much additional work.’ Pippa gave up. There was clearly no point in this conversation. She really disliked this Patrick for taking up so much of their free time together. She could only hope that the guy would trip himself up sooner or later and she would get her husband back. ‘Anyway, never mind that, are you coming home now?’ ‘Yeah, I’ll be home soon.’ ‘I’ll wait for you then. I bought some bits in town today. I thought we could have a nice dinner together, you know, to celebrate?’ ‘Sounds great. I’ll call you when I leave.’ Pippa hung up and after looking at the time, decided to put the dinner on hold. She went upstairs and pulled open her wardrobe. It had been a few weeks since they’d had some quality time together. She pulled out a little black dress and her make-up bag and quickly typed a text. Let’s make this a night to remember and go out to celebrate. Text me when you leave and I’ll meet you at the station xx She typed another message to Zoe. Do you want to meet up for some celebratory dinner with me and Jason? You can bring the new boyfriend? ***** Pippa had been sitting on the sofa watching the clock for the past hour. Every minute that went by, her mood worsened. First irritation (he’s always bloody late), then frustration (why can’t he be on time, just once), then anger (he’s taking the piss) and now, worry (oh my God, what if something has happened?) She took one last glance at the clock as it ticked over to 11pm and then pressed call on her phone. It took Jason two separate calls before he finally picked up. ‘Pip?’ he called out, shouting over the loud music in the background. ‘Jason? Is everything okay?’ ‘What? Oh yeah, fine. You?’ A surge of rage bolted through her body. ‘Where are you?’ ‘What? I can’t hear you properly, hang on.’ She listened as the music gradually died down to a dull hum in the background. ‘That’s better, what’s up?’ ‘Where are you?’ She was now pacing the living room. ‘I’m at the Bull and Hound; they’ve got live music in tonight. The band is fucking awesome!’ ‘What are you doing there? I sent you a text asking you to let me know when you were on your way home.’ She was throwing her arms about as she spoke, not caring that he couldn’t see her. ‘I arranged for Zoe and her new boyfriend to meet us – I told you this!’ ‘I know and I will. I’m not leaving yet, so I haven’t texted. Jeez, chill the fuck out.’ ‘Why have you gone to the pub? I got dressed up; I thought we were going to celebrate tonight?’ The anger was subsiding but Pippa found herself getting emotional now. Bloody hormones. ‘I am celebrating. What’s the big deal?’ Annoyance dripped through her tone. ‘I meant, together!’ ‘Well come down here, then.’ He had clearly started to make his way back into the pub as the music was getting louder again. ‘Jason, I don’t want to be in a pub full of drunken people and loud music. I thought we could celebrate together, you know, a meal or something.’ Like she was going to let everyone see Jason treat her like shit because he was drunk. No chance. She needed it to be just him and her when he was like this. She didn’t want to give anyone fuel for gossip. ‘What?’ ‘Go back outside, it’s too loud!’ She was shouting now. She hated it when he had a drink. He was supposed to be cutting down now that she was pregnant. Guess there was no chance of that happening. ‘Listen, I’ll be home by midnight and I’ll bring in a takeaway, yeah? We can have our meal then.’ He then raised his voice to be heard over the music, calling out to a friend, ‘Yeah, get me another one. Same again!’ ‘Jason, please. Just come home.’ She knew what he was like when he drank too much and she really didn’t want to have to deal with him later on. ‘Oh get off my case, Pip; I’m having a few drinks with mates. I’ll be home at midnight.’ And with that, he hung up. And Pippa knew he wouldn’t be home at midnight, so she took herself upstairs and after getting changed out of her dress and taking her make-up off, she got into bed and let the tears fall, where no one could see her. She looked through her phone messages to Zoe, cancelling the meet because of ‘nausea’. She hated it when Jason’s selfishness meant she had to cancel things and lie to her friends. If she didn’t want this baby so much, she would just walk out the door and never come back. She hated the financial hold he had on her. Chapter 7 (#ulink_54577093-8ed0-50a1-a750-f0021a421ec3) ‘Morning, sleepy head.’ Ellie opened her eyes as a stream of sunlight shot into the room as a result of Zoe opening the living-room curtains. She groaned and pulled the cover up over her face. ‘Here, I made you a coffee. It’s decaf, mind.’ ‘Why?’ Ellie’s voice was muffled by the cover. ‘Because you need to reduce the amount of caffeine you are drinking. It’s not good for the baby.’ Ellie pulled the cover off and sat up a little, making room on the end of the sofa for Zoe to sit down. ‘No, I mean, why did you bring me a coffee?’ ‘Listen,’ Zoe perched on the edge of the sofa not far from Ellie’s feet and passed the cup. ‘I am sorry about yesterday. I didn’t mean to upset you with all that talk about Dad. I just wanted to make you see that he’s not a monster and it would be good for you to have him around, you know, especially now.’ The reality of why she was here at her sister’s came crashing back down and she was forced to think about everything again. She sipped at her coffee for something to do, it tasted bitter. ‘You know that I will always be here for you and that I will do everything I can to make things okay, but just don’t forget about Dad. I know he misses having you around and I miss having my family. It’s bad enough Mum not being here, but having to see you and Dad separately all the time drives me crazy. We should be sticking together, not pushing each other away. It makes it really hard on me – I hate having to choose all the time.’ ‘I’m not asking you to choose.’ ‘You kind of are, Ellie. You two not being able to be in the same room together without creating tension means I have to split myself. It’s not fair on me. Plus I know Dad would want to be involved with you having a baby – he’d love to have a grandchild!’ Ellie shook her head. ‘Let’s not get too carried away.’ Zoe huffed. ‘Honesty, it’s like talking to a brick wall sometimes.’ Ellie shrugged, reverting to acting like a child. Sometimes when she and Zoe were together she found herself behaving as she would’ve done at eleven years old, having her annoying fourteen-year-old sister around. ‘How comes you slept on the sofa and not in the spare room?’ Zoe peered at her over her coffee cup. Ellie avoided eye contact. ‘I was watching a film and I must’ve fallen asleep.’ ‘Fair enough. So, I’ve been thinking. We need to sort a plan out so that we know what we are doing and how we are going to do it. First things first, you need to tell Chris.’ Ellie groaned and dropped her head back so that it rested on the back of the sofa. ‘Not this again.’ ‘Come on, you owe it to him to tell him. What have you got to lose?’ ‘Err, let me think. My best friend, my job, my freedom… my sanity!’ She listed them on her free hand, one finger at a time. ‘Oh you’re such a drama queen. You will not lose your sanity and the rest we can sort out. You can’t just hide away at my place and pretend nothing is happening. You need to go and see a doctor, get the ball rolling with a midwife, put things in place ready for when the baby comes…’ Ellie felt her chest tighten listening to all this talk about the baby. ‘Look, I haven’t even decided what I am going to do yet. There’s no point in involving Chris in this until I know what I am doing.’ ‘What you are doing? Ellie, you’re not going to do anything stupid, are you?’ Zoe eyed her suspiciously and Ellie had to turn away again. ‘I don’t know what I am going to do. I need time to think. It’s all happening too fast and I’ve got work appointments next week to sort out and I need to do a new order for this film I am doing next month and –’ ‘Ellie, I am afraid that’s life. When shit gets thrown at you, you have to suck it up and deal with it. Not brush it under the carpet and hope that it will go away. And this definitely won’t go away; this will become more and more prominent in your life, so you need to work out what you are doing. I will help you. You don’t have to go through this alone, but you do have to tell Chris.’ She knew she had to tell Chris, but she was so scared of losing him. ‘Zoe, what happened between me and Chris – it was a mistake. A huge mistake that should never have happened.’ And it shouldn’t have happened all the other times too. What was she thinking? Nobody can have a sexual relationship without the possibility of it getting complicated. She wished she had learnt this lesson before she got pregnant. ‘But it did!’ ‘Don’t I bloody know it!’ There was a long pause, where both girls didn’t know what to say next. Ellie thumbed the mug and stared down into the shiny brown liquid. She knew her sister would be like this. Maybe, subconsciously, that’s why she came up here. She needed her sister to take control of the situation and tell her what she needed to do. This is exactly what she did when their mum died. She pulled Ellie back onto the straight and narrow and yet here she was again, nearly ten years later, and asking her sister to do the same. Would she ever learn? The thought of her being such a burden weighed down in her stomach and she felt guilty. ‘I’m sorry,’ she mumbled, taking another sip of coffee. ‘What are you sorry for?’ Zoe had now leant back and had her feet up on the coffee table, her long legs bare, with just a small pair of bed shorts on. ‘For always being such a mess. For always relying on you to pick up the pieces when I make a mistake… for being a crap sister.’ ‘Don’t be silly, you aren’t a crap sister.’ ‘I bloody feel like one. It’s never the other way around, is it? It’s never you coming to me and needing help to sort your life out. You’re so confident and clever and… just… Zoe. You never make mistakes; you never do anything wrong.’ Zoe looked away from Ellie and seemed a little uncomfortable. She was playing with her cup and looked awkward. ‘What’s wrong?’ Ellie asked, eyeing her sister suspiciously. ‘Nothing.’ She didn’t look at her. ‘Well, it doesn’t look like nothing.’ Ellie nudged her with her foot from under the cover. ‘Ellie, everyone makes mistakes. Even me.’ ‘What’s that supposed to mean? You’re Little Miss Perfect, you don’t make mistakes. Everything seems to fall into your lap and you make things happen.’ Zoe turned her head to look at Ellie, her expression more serious than she had been for ages. ‘Everything doesn’t just fall into my lap. I work bloody hard for everything that I have.’ ‘I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just saying, some people are really lucky in life and others, well, others seem to get all the bad luck. Like me.’ ‘I get bad luck too. I have my moments of weakness and I do things wrong. It’s not what happens to you in life; it’s how you deal with things. That’s the difference.’ Ellie eyed her suspiciously. Zoe looked uncomfortable, sad. ‘What aren’t you telling me?’ ‘What do you mean?’ The colour had drained out a little from her face. ‘You’re not telling me something. Why do you keep saying how you aren’t perfect, how you get things wrong?’ She paused, but didn’t drop her gaze. Zoe, however, wouldn’t look at her. ‘Zoe? What aren’t you telling me?’ she pressed. Zoe exhaled and shuffled in her seat, turning round to face Ellie front-on. ‘Listen, I don’t want you to get rid of the baby. I think you will regret it for the rest of your life.’ She looked away. ‘I did.’ Ellie felt her stomach flip. The air suddenly became tight and she felt her throat close slightly with anxiety. ‘What do you mean, ‘you did’?’ ‘Ellie, things happen in life that you can’t control and sometimes you have to make a decision based on what you can control.’ ‘I don’t understand.’ She kind of understood, but she didn’t want to. ‘I have been pregnant before.’ The silence in the air that followed this revelation was both uncomfortable and strange. Zoe looked back up at her. ‘I didn’t have a choice. It was a volatile relationship and I had got myself into a situation I couldn’t get out of. And then I found myself pregnant.’ ‘Shit,’ Ellie whispered as she reached across the sofa and held Zoe’s hand. ‘I couldn’t bring a baby into that environment. I had spent months gearing up to leaving him because he was,’ she swallowed, ‘he was physical with me.’ ‘Zoe…’ Ellie breathed out. She felt distraught for her sister, but underneath a bubble of anger was beginning to brew. ‘It’s fine. I’m not with him now.’ She tried to laugh, but it came out strained. ‘So you got an abortion?’ ‘I’m not proud of my decision and I regret it every single day. But I just couldn’t bring a baby into that. I was worried sick that he would hurt the baby and then I would be the worst mum in the world because I couldn’t stop it happening.’ ‘Oh Zoe, why didn’t you tell me?’ She shook her head. ‘It doesn’t matter. I didn’t want anyone else to know. I was ashamed of being so weak to let things get to that stage.’ ‘It’s not weak, Zoe. For Christ sake, it’s him who should be feeling shitty, not you!’ She felt the anger building. ‘Who was he?’ ‘It doesn’t matter –’ ‘It does bloody matter; he deserves to be in prison for what he did.’ Her voice was shaky, but controlled. For now. ‘Ellie, it doesn’t matter. It was years ago and I’m okay. He can’t hurt me any more; I’m a different person to who I was back then. I’m stronger.’ ‘When was it?’ She shuffled in her seat, still making sure she held Zoe’s hand, not letting go of her. She never wanted to let go of her. She should have been here for her when it happened and she didn’t think she could ever forgive herself for not. ‘Not long after Mum died.’ Ellie gasped, feeling the tears spring to her eyes. ‘I wasn’t coping very well and he came along and was so charming. I think he could sense that I was weak. He said all the right things I needed to hear and I let my guard down. It took me about six months to realise that I was in too deep and had become reliant on him. He knew it too. So he started to get heavy-handed if I didn’t do what he wanted and it just went downhill.’ ‘Oh God, Zoe. Why didn’t you tell me, or Dad? He would’ve gone mad.’ ‘That’s exactly why I didn’t tell him. But then I found out I was pregnant and that night we had an argument and he pushed me and I fell down the stairs.’ ‘Oh my God, when you broke your arm!’ It was a statement rather than a question. Ellie remembered when Zoe came to visit and she had her arm in a cast. ‘You said you fell down the stairs.’ ‘And I did. I just… had a little help.’ She looked down into her lap, clearly ashamed. ‘Ellie, I couldn’t bring a baby into that.’ ‘I know. You did the right thing.’ She rubbed her thumb over Zoe’s hand. ‘Didn’t feel like the right thing.’ ‘I can’t believe you went through all that on your own.’ ‘I didn’t want anyone to see how stupid I had been.’ She coughed and composed herself, ‘Listen, all I’m saying is that you need to think long and hard before doing anything stupid. Because what you decide now will affect you for the rest of your life. Whatever you decide, just make sure it’s the right decision for you.’ ‘Is that what you think we would’ve thought? That you had been stupid? Zoe, you are a lot of things, but stupid isn’t one of them.’ ‘I got myself into that situation, didn’t I? That was stupid.’ ‘No, that was grief. It does fucked-up things to your mind. I should know – it royally fucked up mine.’ She felt a glimmer of relief that she now knew she wasn’t the only one to have let it get to her, though. When she thought Zoe was handling life perfectly well, underneath she was crumbling too. And as horrible as that was, it was comforting to know. ‘I can’t blame grief for my poor mistakes.’ ‘Yes you bloody can. Zoe, you are not a machine – you cannot programme yourself to just erase things. You are human.’ ‘Yes, but you have to take responsibility for your actions in life and that relationship was one bad decision after another – it was as if I was possessed. I could see myself spiralling further into despair, but I felt powerless to do anything about it. Until it was too late.’ She looked into her lap, ashamed. ‘Honey, you are allowed to make mistakes. It’s okay. Feel free to take the baton from me for a bit – I’m in my overdraft from the Bank of Mistakes!’ The girls both laughed and it helped to lighten the air. Ellie smiled. It was the first time in her whole life that she had seen that her big sister was not the perfect human being she had made her out to be. Whilst that was clearly a hard concept for her sister to deal with, it did make Ellie feel closer to her. As though a barrier had lifted out of the way – they weren’t so different after all. All too quickly, though, their conversation drifted back to Ellie and the latest mistake she had made. After hearing her sister’s story, she knew that she couldn’t get rid of this baby. Deep down she never wanted to anyway. ‘I just don’t know what to do. I don’t want to get rid of the baby – I don’t know that that was even what I was thinking – but I am terrified. I can’t be a mum. I can barely look after myself!’ She huffed and put her head in her hands. ‘How would you deal with this situation?’ Even though she knew her sister was no longer perfect, she was more perfect than Ellie would ever be. ‘You know what I would do first?’ Ellie’s phone began to ring just as Zoe opened her mouth to speak. Both girls looked at the phone flashing on the coffee table with the one name Ellie didn’t want to see. Zoe pointed at it. ‘That. That is what I would do first.’ She stood up and squeezed Ellie’s knee. ‘Come on, you need to talk to him. He deserves to know.’ Zoe stood to leave, but Ellie sprung up and pulled her in for a hug. She squeezed her so tight. ‘I am so sorry you had to go through all that without me, Zoe. I promise I will always be here for you. No matter what.’ Zoe squeezed her back and then pulled away, looking Ellie in the eyes. ‘I know you will. Now do the right thing.’ She squeezed Ellie’s shoulder and left the living room, closing the door so she could give Ellie the privacy she needed to get this phone call out of the way. Ellie picked up her mobile and took a shaky intake of breath before pressing the answer key. ‘Hi Chris.’ ‘About bloody time! Where the hell have you been?’ ‘Sorry, things are just a bit manic at the moment. I’m at my sister’s. Needed a break.’ Her heart was racing so fast. She took another sip of coffee to calm her nerves. ‘At your sister’s? In Shropshire? When did that happen?’ ‘Friday.’ Chris paused. ‘So why do you need a break. Surely work isn’t going that badly?’ ‘No, work was fine. Is fine,’ she corrected quickly. ‘I just, have some stuff going on and I needed some time to, you know, sort my head.’ ‘Have you stopped being weird with me now?’ He laughed and Ellie felt a surge of affection for him. She missed him. ‘I wasn’t being weird.’ This conversation was probably one of the most awkward conversations they had ever had. She was avoiding the big elephant in the room and she needed to tell him. Thing is, the words just weren’t coming out. She physically couldn’t say the one thing she so desperately needed to say. Before she knew it, she blurted out, ‘Can we meet?’ ‘Meet up? In Shropshire? I can’t come all that way today, Els, I have an early start tomorrow and a million meetings planned.’ ‘Right…’ Disappointment dripped from that one word and Chris obviously picked up on it. ‘Is everything okay? You are being weird.’ ‘Yes, its fine. I’m fine.’ ‘Look, how about this? We meet halfway? Go for some lunch somewhere in Milton Keynes?’ Ellie thought about this for a second and then replied, ‘Actually, that’s not a bad idea. What time?’ ‘Well, I need to jump in the shower and that, so let’s say one? I’ll google a place and text you where to meet me.’ ‘Okay. No problem. See you in a few hours.’ ‘Oh, Ellie?’ She stopped pacing. ‘Yes?’ ‘Try and cheer up. It’s not the end of the world.’ No, she thought. But it may as well be. ***** ‘Do you know what I fancy?’ Imogen put down her menu and looked at Alice thoughtfully. ‘Me?’ Came the reply with a cheeky grin. Her hair was down today, as opposed to being scraped back, which was how she usually wore it for work, and she looked so beautiful. With a cute little t-shirt under a jacket and tight jeans, Alice looked casual but really pretty. Imogen laughed. ‘Yes, of course. But I did mean foodwise.’ ‘I know, I’m just messing. What do you fancy? It’s not going to be some weird concoction is it? I’m sure that doesn’t start this early.’ ‘No,’ Imogen shook her head. ‘Nothing weird… yet. I really fancy a prawn sandwich.’ Alice turned her nose up in disgust. ‘Urgh, I can’t stand prawns. Especially not in bread. I mean, what is that about? The weird consistency of the slimy prawns on the dry bread… nope, can’t do it.’ She shook her head. ‘Slimy? No wonder you don’t like it if you are using slimy prawns!’ Imogen grimaced, shivering slightly at the thought. ‘You know what I mean. They’re all slippery and… and…’ she searched for the right word, using her hand as if that would help her brain, and settled for ‘fleshy.’ ‘You’re making my prawn sandwich sound like a horror movie,’ Imogen giggled and picked up the menu again. ‘Maybe I’ll go for something else. It doesn’t sound as appealing now.’ ‘Sorry, I won’t ruin your next choice.’ She smiled lovingly. ‘Hi ladies, are you ready to order?’ ‘I am, are you ready, Ims?’ Alice flashed the woman a smile before settling back on Imogen. She nodded at Alice but indicated that she should go first, to give herself some more time to look. ‘I’ll just have a BLT with a cup of tea, please.’ She handed back the menu. ‘No problem, and for you?’ The woman looked at Imogen with a beautiful, big smile, the lines around her eyes creasing as she did. She had a simple t-shirt with khaki jeggings on and an apron tied around her waist that had splatters of something brown on. She had her hair tied back into a tiny bun with a few strands loose around her face and she just looked the epitome of friendly. ‘I’ll just have a cheese and ham panini please, with a cappuccino.’ ‘No problem, ladies. I’ll be back in a minute with your drinks and if you need anything else, just give me a shout. My name is Zoe.’ She gave another big smile and walked off. ‘Thank you, we will.’ Alice watched Zoe leave and Imogen felt a stab of jealousy. She kept it hidden, though. She knew she was being stupid. She was always the one to feel insecure in their relationship, even though Alice would continually reassure her that no one would ever come close to what they had. It was an insecurity that she guessed stemmed from her mum and the way she had always criticised her and never accepted her just for who she was. ‘So this place is nice. When did you come in here?’ Imogen had never even seen this caf? before. ‘Someone at work was talking about it the other day and they recommended it to me. Said I should bring you here. I had a quick peek at it on the internet and it looked nice. Thought it would be a nice treat to have some lunch out today. We need to make the most of it before the baby comes!’ Imogen couldn’t stop the smile from appearing on her face as Alice spoke about the baby. Their baby. She dreamt about the weekend strolls and spending time together as a family of three. She didn’t even mind about the late-night feeds and constant crying. Well, not yet, anyway. She might be spouting a different story this time next year. ‘I still can’t believe it,’ she said, catching Alice’s eye and feeling warmth course through her body. ‘I know. It’s crazy. How are you actually feeling in yourself, though? Any more nausea today? You seemed pretty rough this morning?’ ‘Yeah, it comes and goes. It’s not too bad today, actually. I just hope I manage to get lunch inside me before it starts again.’ ‘Well, if you can’t finish your lunch, I’m sure I can help you. Especially now that you’ve seen sense and abandoned the idea of slime in bread. You do look good today, though. Positively glowing!’ Alice stood up. ‘Just going to run to the loo.’ She placed her hand on Imogen’s shoulder as she went past her and gave it a squeeze. It was the little things like that that still sent shivers down Imogen’s spine. She loved how Alice didn’t have to say anything; sometimes just a simple squeeze of the hand on her shoulder could say a thousand words. Their connection was special. Never before had she felt the feelings she did when she was with Alice. She couldn’t describe it. Alice made her feel complete. She felt as if she could face the world as long as she had Alice by her side. This was why she had texted her mum the other day. She didn’t tell her about the baby; she just made the connection. Their relationship was a difficult one. Imogen couldn’t always tell what sort of mood her mum was going to be in and how she was going to take her messages. She had received a stroppy message back when she texted so she and Alice had agreed that maybe it was best to keep a distance from her for now. Alice didn’t want Imogen to be stressed out unnecessarily and she saw the texts from Imogen’s mum as completely unnecessary. She didn’t think there was any point in Imogen trying to get her mum to understand because, quite frankly, that was never going to happen. Imogen had her and that was all she needed, according to Alice. But, whilst Alice was away in the toilet, Imogen pulled out her phone as it beeped. She had another message from her mum. She had been receiving these stupid messages ever since she had made the first move and she didn’t know what to do. She couldn’t tell Alice, she didn’t need that kind of stress at the moment. Alice would get upset and then confront her mum and it would become a whole big thing, like last time. So she kept it all to herself and she tried her best to smooth the situation, but the fact was, her mum was never going to approve of their relationship and she would always be a problem. She should’ve listened to Alice rather than partake in this back-and-forth battle of words. If she let the poison seep into her relationship, it would fall apart. Not that they weren’t a strong unit, but the venom-laced messages she was starting to get would surely be a cause for anger on Alice’s part and Imogen didn’t need to be arguing with her too. As understanding as Alice was, she just didn’t know what it was like to not have her mum around. So things were just best kept quiet. And whilst she felt less bothered by these texts more recently, now that she was expecting, it gave the situation a bitter sweet tinge. She clicked on the message icon and opened it up. Imogen, please, don’t ignore me. Like I said before, we can help you. You can come and stay with us until you get back on your feet and she won’t even know you’re here. She, was Alice. Imogen’s mum couldn’t bring herself to even say Alice’s name now. It had been about six months since she had last seen her mum in person, and that was such a bad experience, Imogen had steered clear ever since, just exchanging messages and phone calls to keep the peace as much as she could whenever her mum was having a good day. At the end of the day, she was her mum and she didn’t want to just not have her around. She had thought things would get better with time, once her mum realised just how much in love she and Alice were. Maybe she would even accept their relationship. But it hadn’t happened yet. And now she had a baby to throw into the mix. She couldn’t help but think that cutting all ties would be the best answer for her and the baby. Except, she didn’t want to. She wanted her mum. She so desperately wanted to have the supportive mum that everyone else had. She should be sharing messages of elation about the baby with her, rather than nasty name–calling, argumentative ones. It was a constant battle she fought internally with herself. Конец ознакомительного фрагмента. Текст предоставлен ООО «ЛитРес». Прочитайте эту книгу целиком, купив полную легальную версию (https://www.litres.ru/lucie-wheeler/the-first-time-mums-club/?lfrom=688855901) на ЛитРес. 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